Discipline Practices I Do NOT Use, and Ones I Discourage

Husbands who have been leading in discipline for even a short while learn that you are making decisions from early on in building your discipline system, and in how you spank. You learn from trial and error, from imagination, from hearing from other couples and their unique practices. Over time you develop your accepted standards, and method best for you and your marriage. It probably took me several years to develop how I discipline my wife, down to many details.

While what comes to mind first is what I do, I also recollect common practices I do not use, even though other husbands will recommend them. I keep them out either because I don’t see the overall benefit in them, or because I simply find them wrong. The world of wife spanking includes much variety, and it should have some, but we also need to carefully examine whether certain practices are worth making a part of our own system. We are responsible for much as men, including for leading our wives and correcting them. So take seriously your own methods of correction, and practice careful discernment.

Here are several discipline practices you’ll hear about that I do not bother with:

Counting Strokes
I’ve written a whole article on this, but I’ll mention here, that I find that accomplishing the purposes of a spanking is more important than caring much about the number of strokes. If it takes me a few strokes, or many to reach those purposes, it’s fine either way. When I give a spanking, I want to see that it is hard enough to punish the infraction. I also want to see certain things from my wife, such as that she takes responsibility for her wrong, regrets doing it, and is committed to better behavior in the future. She always needs to express her submissiveness to me during a spanking, and her full belonging to me. In reaching these goals it usually takes a good number of strokes, but the number doesn’t really matter to me. I do respect the practice of counting strokes — either those husbands who assign a number for each kind of punishment, or those who have their wives count out loud as they spank — as they might find the practice useful. I am not against counting strokes, but I believe it is far secondary to the main purpose of the discipline session.

Journaling

In some households, the couple, especially the woman, will keep a journal to express their growth in headship or submission. This is especially prevalent for the women, since it gives them a chance to express what is hard for them, set goals, take notes on what has worked for them, and then look back on how they have grown. They can express sorrow, frustration, and jot in their walk in submission.  While I certainly can see the value in keeping a journal, ad I know women are more expressive than men generally, I don’t bother with this practice, in part because it would simply be too time consuming. Leading the home, and taking care of our responsibilities is what takes up most of our time. Discipline, when it’s needed, can take up a significant chunk of an evening. So I have seen my wife’s growth without journaling, and don’t see how it could be necessary. Again, it may be helpful for some, but I deem it unnecessary.

I think an activity like writing is uniquely suited for certain personalities. Some people have trouble getting their thoughts in order unless they write them down. Others find writing the best way to relieve stress or other negative emotions. If your wife happens to be like that personally, you may find journaling particularly important in helping her in her submission, or in learning from discipline. In that case I may recommend it. I would still warn that it’s not easy to keep writing completely private, so make sure you have privacy, and a safe place to keep your journal, whether real or electronic. Obviously I am a writer and I love writing myself, but I don’t consider journaling a major characteristic of establishing discipline in the home.

Pleasure Denial and Control

A few husbands in domestic discipline seek a level of sexual control over their wives by denying them orgasms, often in the long term. They may demand the wife not have a sexual climax without asking him. Others simply deny sexual pleasure from her on an ongoing basis. This level of control is much more associated with bdsm, where I think you’d find it both common and easily a part of the severe kind of control they seek. I consider pleasure denial an import from that world.

Intimacy between man and wife is a responsibility we have to the other. As the Bible teaches, we must not abstain from sex, unless there is a mutual agreement. We cannot deny the other intimacy. Love teaches us also to care for the good of the other, especially by giving ourselves. So to deny pleasure in our affection for our spouse, or to deny a climax, is to cheat the one that we are commanded to love. The marriage bed includes mutual giving. For that reason, I reject the practice of pleasure control, or pleasure denial by the head of the home. If he does so he is not fulfilling his responsibilities, and is warping love into something demonic.

Back Door Training

I know many in the world of domestic discipline use anal sex as a form of teaching submission, or even as a punishment. I won’t contest its power to instill deeper submission, or quickly turn around a woman’s bad attitude. I’ve used it in the past many times before I quit. Taking a woman in the backside has a powerful and immediate effect on her.

However, I don’t use this form of training anymore and don’t recommend it, because of its obviously anti-natural and harmful nature. The human body is like a machine, and if you use a machine in the wrong way, you can be sure that harm will be done. There are terrible infections, torn tissue, bleeding, hemorrhoids, and incontinence that can come from anal sex. Considering that there are other successful ways to teach submission, a blatantly harmful one does not sound like a good idea. The bad effects can and do last for years.

Safe Words
Safe words are another import from the bdsm world, whether they are the norm. A safe word allows the person being punished to say a special word or phrase to end the punishment, if the punishment ever gets too severe. In bdsm, where pain typically enters more severe realm, and where a person is commonly tied down, safe words seem to fit in more. However, in wife spanking, I find they are unnecessary, and even consider them harmful.

A correction, even a harsh one, is simply something that a wife must endure. It is not going to injure her. To reject her punishment is to reject her husband’s authority, which is an act of rebellion, and to reject the lesson she needs to learn from it. I have been spanking my wife for over fifteen years, and do not see anywhere that safe words would fit in. I also think if she thought she could use one, she’d just try and get out of the harder spankings. My wife has learned excellent discipline, and self-control, as any woman can, and knows not to run from a spanking or seek to end it. She has gained much from her discipline, both in the short term and long term. She did it without a safe word.