Sex in Submission (Part 2 of 2)

This article contains explicit content. If you find that inappropriate you may not want to read it:

Serving Him:

One of the simplest and well known ways to help a woman grow in submission and in yielding to her man is to have her regularly give oral sex. She should be comfortable kneeling before him, pleasuring him, opening up for him when he desires. She should learn to satisfy him as he desires. Spending time regularly on her knees helps a woman in her sense of belonging to him, and in her sense of submission to him. It is appropriate in a wife learning all these things. The position itself teaches submission to her man over her, the act teaches her to be open to her man’s desire and command, and gives her a chance to feel his power intimately. It teaches her to focus herself on his pleasure and fulfilling his desire. 

Naturally, the husband should be in the lead when he’s having his wife give head. Some women view giving head as the opposite; as a means to control their man. The husband should be sure to be in the lead. He tells her when to pleasure him. He instructs her on how to give pleasure — how to use her lips, her tongue, her throat, her hands. He tells her when to take his cock deep. He shows when he is pleased with her work, and what he likes, but he does not lose control.
A man also instructs his wife in her womanhood while she fellates him. He tells her she belongs to him, her mouth belongs to him, her lips belong to him, her body belongs to him. She needs to give everything up to her man. She is under his power, and is completely his. Your words help a woman to learn her place when she is on her knees. Teach her the way to please her man.

You should also make sure that she works hard when you send her on her knees to pleasure you. Don’t let her get away with only working on your cock. Make sure she spends much time pleasuring your balls, and is thorough about it. She should learn to take care of you completely. Take your time in training her in what you like. Be prepared to be patient, as it can take time for her to learn, be it the acts themselves, or your personal tastes. A woman may need ample time to learn to take you into her throat, for example. Keep working on it with her and she will learn. If there are techniques you want from her, give her explicit instructions. She will pick up naturally on many things that excite you, but your tastes may change over time, so there is always some adapting to do. Most importantly, is that she is focused on giving herself to you completely, and serving you on her knees.

Naturally, a man aids his wife in her submission when he physically takes charge of the act: he takes her calmly and with control, and guides her face down on his member. She can feel his hands grasping her hair and around her cheeks. He moves her down and up as he desires. He may take her mouth as he takes her in bed, stuffing her wide open face with his cock, thrusting into her until she knows she is a receptacle for his desire. In this way most boldly, he takes control and she loses it.

The man may be enjoying her mouth to his great pleasure, but he can also take the time to stimulate her body as well, with his hands, as he opens her up and tells her what to do. He should enjoy the sight of her body, and she should know how much he desires her by the casual movement of his hands on her flesh. By his words when she does well. He is calm and firm and in control while he takes his wife’s mouth. 

There is nothing like giving regular oral pleasure to her man to aid a woman in her softness. She needs to go down on her knees for him. It becomes her normal position. She learns to be passionate about giving him pleasure and excited by losing control. Her devoted sexual service helps her blossom in her daily submission. I’m not going to tell you how often your wife ought to be giving you head, but it should be common. Between giving it while making love, as a form of training, or as a sign of graciousness after she is disciplined, she will spend much time on her knees, open wide, and pleasuring her man. 

It bears mentioning again, that in speaking about sex in submission, I am not trying to suggest that intimacy between man and wife is simply a one-way experience. With a wife giving all the pleasure, and the man getting it. I am speaking uniquely of having her give head to enhance her submission. I describe a method of training. That does not reflect what the marriage bed looks like day to day and week to week. Naturally in the marriage bed, both partners share their bodies, and with sharing their bodies comes caring about the pleasure of their partner. A man should care deeply about the pleasure of his wife during intimacy and seek to satisfy her, bot sexually and emotionally. That is his responsibility as her husband. I speak of her oral training as a separate practice from that, to help her grow as a devoted wife.

I’m Going to be Good Now:

Sex is often used to enhance headship and submission after a discipline session has been given. Some couples use sexual activity afterward only for a reconnect, and regularly use it as a time to make love. They almost immediately go under the covers after a spanking. Others use intimacy as a means to reestablish the order that’s been broken by her misbehavior. It gets things back in their place.The man is in control. The woman is yielding to him. They are as close as they can ever be. 

In many homes, a woman may need to perform orally for her man to thank him for giving her the discipline. It is her way of showing appreciation for the guidance she’s just received.  He’s taken the time, thought, strength, and energy to discipline his wife. He may want a sign of her appreciation, along with a verbal “thank you, sir.” She may also need to pleasure him to show what her new and better attitude will be. It is the attitude reflected in the act. Oral sex is especially appropriate for this, as she is on her knees, manifesting her position before her man, and is working to please him. A woman giving oral after getting spanked is making things right with the one she has offended, and she is giving him a great example of her future behavior. Her softness, and her desire to please is on display in fellating him.

Her husband may encourage her, while she works down there, about her future good behavior and what he looks forward to seeing from her. He may also remind her that he is the one who looks after her, guides her, teaches her, and corrects her. She is greatly valued, but she needs to follow her man at all times. She needs to serve him. He tells her he is sure she can do it, and is confident in her growth in submission. She receives instruction while his manhood is deep within her.

Some women find it very natural to kneel and fellate their man after being spanked. They have already felt his power and want to submit to it in a form much more pleasant than a spanking. They’ve just been tenderized and yearn to show their complete submission. Other wives do not find it easy, and it grates on their ego, especially after already being humbled and corrected. With time, they will see the purpose and value of this service, and at least will do it out of obedience because their man desires.

Extra Toppings:

Like with oral, many husbands train their wives to be submissive by giving them anal sex. They see that the difficulty of the act requires greater giving and greater submission on her part. They see how it makes her more submissive. They also recognize that a wife who has been taken in her backside now has held nothing back from her man. He’s had her every way he can. It is natural for men to see this very dominant act as a simple way to top their wives. They like that some pain us often involved. Occasionally anal becomes used as a way to finish discipline, and reestablish submission, but from all the discussion I’ve seen, that’s not terribly common in domestic discipline. 

While I can see why anal is popular as a powerful tool in teaching submission, I do not recommend it. As you have likely read elsewhere, this act is grossly against the body’s design, which is why it leads to both short-term and long-term injuries, as well as infections. Your wife may have to live with embarrassing and painful problems for many years. It doesn’t take long reading forums on this practice to hear what some of the results are — which only echo the medical facts and the statistics on it. I read one man who praised anal and thought it was great explain that he and his wife used to do it for years –until she finally became incontinent and they had to stop. Fantastic. 

I don’t think any man who cares for his wife would want that for her, nor any man who cares for health or cleanliness, want filth and feces in the marriage bed. If you love your wife do you want her to have to wear diapers? Even couples who take precautions frequently suffer the terrible results anyway, because precautions don’t make the act a natural or a safe one. It is harmful to play around with. That includes long-term injury. There are those who recognize all this, and decide instead to replace anal sex with milder forms of anal penetration or play, and this may alleviate some of the risks, but you would still be playing around with something filthy which stinks. There are many ways to teach a woman submission, either sexually or otherwise, which do not involve violating our natural design, and leaving her severely injured. I recommend using other ways that work, and not this currently popular practice. A wise person doesn’t really want poop in their bed.

I’ve read several writers on marriage and sex who say that a wife may refuse a husband’s request for anal because it is flatly wrong. From her submissive position, she may practice disobedience while otherwise maintaining reverence for him. I respect that view. However, I don’t believe she should make avoiding anal a point of contention. I don’t think it is important enough to make a conflict over. I would just advise the wife to make her desires known to her husband, and explain why she dislikes it, and why it is harmful. A considerate husband will either hear her and stop, or at least try to make it easier for her. One husband writing on his wife’s distaste for it said he agreed to only take her there once or twice a year. that led to an end to her objections, and at least kept the peace. He was not prepared to quit his practice, but was willing to be considerate, up to a point. It is better for husband and wife to work things out in similar ways, with love, than to let it become a fight.

A man leading his wife should never forget that leading her in marital life and leading her in the marriage bed are united and walk together. The beautiful tower of leadership and submission and the sex act between man and wife interpenetrate each other. They unite through your shared life. They aid one another, and express one another. A man who is leading his wife in her growth in virtue and submission will find he has similar control in bed. A man who shows her his power and his care in bed, will find the same loving control needed every day. Use the marriage bed to deepen your headship and submission just as it deepens you love.

You may do this every time you take her in bed, showing her that you hold and posses her. Teaching with your hands, lips, and organ the power you have, along with your intimate knowledge you have of her, and skill at bringing her slowly to satisfaction. You may do this by keeping your wife regularly open to you sexually, and naked before you. Teach her to learn to respond to your commands, so that she knows her body is yours on your command: you master her body as you master her soul. Lead her in giving up all resistance to you. She should know to strip, get on her knees, or bend over upon your words.

You can also aid her in submissiveness, and softness to you, by keeping her serving you sexually until she is accustomed to it; until kneeling before you is easy, and the norm. Teach her that her sexual response to you reflects her attitude and submission to you, so she can deeply express her belonging and femininity through her body. As she serves you, instruct her, and help her learn your desires, and your desire for her. She should know you possess her. She is completely your desire. She can learn submission through giving herself after being disciplined as well, as her sexual service helps her learn the right attitude, which is her humility before you, and desire to pleasure you.

Sexual submission is far from the entire picture of submission, or helping a woman through discipline. Yet it helps deepen submission and soften her. It helps her lose some false pride and self-will. It also brings her great joy, as she learns the profound and beautiful things that her body expresses, and that what you do with her body expresses. She learns her body then is a way to practice submission and be feminine for you. Most of us know this in our mind, but it is deeper to learn it in experience, and for a woman to be well trained in it. You are in control. She is not going to train herself. Use intimacy to help lead her to be a gentle, beautiful, fulfilled wife.

Read PART 1 of Sex in Submission


55 responses to “Sex in Submission (Part 2 of 2)”

  1. I don’t believe you mentioned orally stimulating her. Where do you think that fits in?

    1. Hi, That’s a good question. I do go over the fact in Part 1 that ordinarily, the marriage bed is mutual pleasure. So it would fit in there as a part of the man’s knowledge and mastery of his woman in bed, as he brings her to satisfaction. Thanks for the reminder.

      1. pamgrattan Avatar

        LONELY 60
        I have only just discovered your site and I read it with sinful envy. My hoh is no longer here and I miss him dearly. At 60 DD has never left me and I urge anyone reading this to commit fully. I am so alone and crave correction quite often. We practiced from the off. I was disciplined often by my own doing or maintenance. I loved the person I was behind my front door. My husband was not keen on otk, but favoured on all fours over 3 pillows. I was required to be naked and in this position as he entered the room. Very humbling to be on display like that I may add. After my paddling I thanked him on my knees. He unzipped and took my mouth. As this was part of a punishment and not for my pleasure, I was denied his seed, and instead he withdrew and ejaculated on my face. He then held up my face and made me look him in the eye. Again, a very humbling experience. I wasn’t allowed to wash my face for 1 hour. My most embarrassing episodes involved my anus. He never entered me, but when he was really angry or disappointed in me he would insert a small plug. The humiliation of walking around the home, and him knowing I was ( obviously because he inserted it) was immense. Only once when I lost a sum of money was I subjected to figging. I never was so stupid again. I loved my hoh with all my heart and would return to his DD in a heart beat. I miss it badly.
        Thank you for the opportunity to share.

        1. Thank you for sharing your experience with discipline. He sounds like he was very much on top of things, and knew how to nurture your femininity and submission. I am sorry for the loss of your husband.

          1. Lonely 60 Avatar

            Thank you aronhusband. I was totally his.

  2. hamiltonman Avatar

    Excellent points! I think oral submission cannot be overrated. I insist on oral sex at least once a day, even if I don’t climax. And there are times when I absolutely dominate her with a good hard face-fucking, wrapping one hand in her hair so I can control her head and using the other to slap her face if she doesn’t take me deep enough. You’re, right, too, that you really need to direct her to focus on your balls.

    [Some content removed by Aron since it is inappropriate for this website.]

  3. Aron thank you for this article. In the same spirit I will share how it works in our home. Of course it’s a Christian wife’s duty to please her husband sexually. The phrase not tonight I have a headache is never an acceptable thing for a Christian wife to say. Of course the converses is true, it’s a husband’s duty to meet his wife’s needs. We have a ritual about this. My wife is required to take a bath every night at 8:30. No exceptions and it doesn’t matter if we have anyone visiting or staying over. I just say to her bath time in the tub with you and she says yes sir, undresses and gets in the tub. It’s always a source of amazement to anyone visiting or staying over how submissive she is She is normally tucked into bed after her required bedtime prayers at around 9 PM , If I tell her not to put on her nightdress ( the only clothing she is allowed to wear to bed) she knows we are going to be intimate that night, she may not refuse me. Of course I would not require her to be intimate if she isn’t feeling well. .On her part , after her bath , she can say ” Sir may I not put on my nightie tonight ” which means she is requesting we be intimate. It is a rare thing for me to say no. Of course these are not the only times and the only circumstance we are intimate. I sometimes tell her spontaneously to get on her knees and perform orally. She knows this means , say the words yes sir , then quickly strip naked and do what she is told. She is expected to swallow everything. . This took considerable training and a quite a few spankings, all Christian wives should be trained to do this in my opinion. Or I may tell her bend over, which means to her to , again , say yes sir then quickly take off her clothes and bend over something for sex. We never do anal sex, that’s not good for her so we don’t do it..

    1. It’s interesting to hear how others make it work. Thanks. For some women sexual submission may take getting over a bit of pride and fear, but they will learn with good guidance. There are also plenty of non-discipline marriages which expect the wife to fulfill her husband’s desire, since it’s just natural to them. It’s a part of marriage.

      I will post a shorter article later on the related principle of mutual sharing of bodies in marriage. I think in this day, in which female autonomy and rebellion are encouraged, the need for sharing our bodies needs to be spoken clearly about. Those who refuse to need to know that it is wrong.

  4. Amy Amilf Avatar
    Amy Amilf

    Thank you for posting this, aronhusband. There are many things my Hoh that is similar to what you have posted. so my Hoh gave me permission to write about our experiences, so readers know how it does in fact work.
    Whether I have earned a spanking or it’s just my daily worshipping of Hoh’s cock, as soon as he signals “knees!”, I immediately pull off my shift (I am almost always naked underneath with no underwear) and kneel. I then kiss his cock through whatever he is wearing and then kiss his belt before undoing it and handing it to him. If I am to be whipped with it, of course I assume the position over a chair or wherever he tells me. You know what terrible things befall me then.
    If I am simply to service him, he takes his belt and puts it around my neck like a collar. I take off his pants or bicycle trunks or whatever and then he pulls me up by the belt so my mouth is in line with his crotch. You are right to mention looking after a man’s balls carefully. Hoh has me lick and suck them while using my hands to get him hard. Then he begins to face fuck me. He really likes a lot of stimulation, so he does this hard, twining his hands in my braids so he can really pull me in. I usually put my hands on his butt so I can help, although sometimes he has me pull my mouth apart to make a wider hole for him.
    I have a strong gag reflex, so I tend to gag a lot, coating his manly cock and running down all over my breasts. He will usually rub his well-slimed cock all over my face, allowing me to really focus on his shaven balls.
    Depending on how he is feeling, he may cum down my throat or all over my face, hair and chest. Sometimes he will say, “bed!” and I have to quickly lie on our bed on my back with my head tilted over the edge. This way he can throat-fuck me and watch his cock bulge my throat.

    [Some content removed by Aron since it is inappropriate to this website]

    1. Dearest Amy, you are a kindred spirit! I too love to lave my man’s cock and balls and get them dripping wet with my spit. It’s also good for me because, although I know others here frown on it, he practices anal sex on me. And if I’ve learned anything about having his large “manly cock,” as you put it so beautifully, in my arse, it’s that lubrication is key. You can’t have too much.

      I’m also glad to see another female voice here. Even though we are the submissive ones, I think it’s good for both husbands and wives to know that we willingly—gladly, joyfully—submit your our husbands for discipline and care.

    2. Sweet Amy, I forgot to mention how thrilled I was to see your comment about your Hoh loving to see your throat bulge with his very manly cock.
      My dear loving husband also enjoys throat-fucking me upside down, with my head hanging over the edge of our bed. So it’s my go-to way of thanking him after a particularly hard but well deserved whipping. Even before any corner time, I immediately undo his trousers and pull them down with tearful kisses on his manhood and sack and lie on the bed on my back for him to penetrate my open mouth.
      I’m not permitted to clean up afterwards before doing my corner time, even if he spills his seed outside on my body

      [Comment edited by Aron for material inappropriate for this website]

  5. hamiltonman Avatar

    I like your Hoh’s style, Amy. He is clearly a take-charge man. I hope you serve him well and with all your heart.

  6. […] the discipline, some husbands have their ladies perform oral sex on them to show their thanks and to show that they are back to being submissive, and serving him […]

  7. hamiltonman Avatar

    aronhusband, I note that you don’t have a lot of references to pastors and their teaching around LDD. That’s not a criticism, just an observation. However, I/we have found our pastors’ teaching to be very helpful.
    For instance, our first pastor was the one who introduced the idea of me receiving loving head after giving a spanking as a way of thanking me. It was during one of our premarital counselling sessions. We were already engaged, of course. He was very thorough in his instructions on many sexual and disciplinary matters. His wife also assisted in these pre-marital courses and was a great help showing my fiancée what to do, how to behave, etc. This was particularly valuable since she had not been well trained at home and was quite naive about how a wife should serve her husband.

    1. Hi Hamilton, I don’t post much about pastors since I have not known any who endorse wife spanking or who teach it. Likely some do, but do so privately. The current culture is hostile to the practice. If I knew any who taught marital discipline I’d definitely give it a mention. It should be generally understood in churches and in society that a husband will discipline his wife if she is out of line.

      Yes, a wife can also give helpful advise to a younger, new wife in learning submission, and in growing from discipline. One woman’s counsel to another is truly irreplaceable. I have been the one to teach my wife in her submission, and in submitting sexually, although I am sure she did some reading on submission on websites too. She has always had a gracious and meek character, but has grown wonderfully in following my will, and learns well from her discipline.

      1. I understand, aronhusband. That makes perfect sense. Yes, I guess we have been lucky. My fiancée learned sooooo much from the pastor’s wife. She is amazingly wise and highly experienced in sexual submission. She was also most helpful in showing how us to dress down during the week and how to dress up in a way that would be pleasing to me for date night and other special times.
        I will try to pass on some of our experiences as occasion arises then in the hope that they are helpful or encouraging to others.

  8. I think exchanging information around sexual submission would be helpful, if we’re permitted. We might all learn some new things.

    1. Sure, there can be discussion of sexual submission, within some reasonable limits. It can be valuable.

  9. At our home we practice anal sex when I’m grounded
    When I’m grounded, my husband only uses me for my ass, he says I’m not worthy of having my pussy used, that being used by pussy is for straight women, and me only deserve to have my ass broken into, he calls it punitive coitus
    In our house, the punitive coitus ritual consists of a spanking followed by anal penetration, without preparation or lubrication, so that it is very painful for me, after all it is a punishment, not a prize, as my husband says
    When my Husband tells me to go up and prepare for punitive intercourse, it means that I need to bathe, make edema and wait for him face the wall, he always warns me well in advance, so that I suffer with the wait and expectation , he knows that punitive intercourse is a very unpleasant punishment for me, but I know that every punishment applied is for my personal growth and for me to become a better and more submissive wife for my Husband

    1. Hi Maria, While I allow discussion of anal sex here, I would remind you of what I point out above — this is boldly against the body’s design, and has real risk of short-term and long-term injury as a result. This is doubly so if no lubrication is used. There are a myriad of infections one can get as well, with much higher risk than normal intercourse or oral. I would respectfully suggest your husband look into safer forms of punishment and of teaching sexual submission. There are other good choices. I hope he gives it some consideration. Thanks.

    2. nicolelinn45 Avatar

      Hi Maria, If you must get anal punishment, please, please use lube. the anus has very little lubrication. I am sure you are getting little micro tears in your anal tissue each time your husband punished you in this way. The chance for infection is very great. I think you wrote “edema” and may have meant “enema”? If you are taking an enema prior to anal punishment that is a good thing, keep that up.
      I have been punished anally as well. Only a few times with husband’s penis. He shot lube in my butt first and then lubed himself. I can’t imagine no lube Maria! 😭 I get why this is very effective to punish a wife and to bring her immediately back to submission….It works. My husband no longer an anally penetrates me, I think he is afraid to hurt me. He still uses his gloved fingers and very rarely a butt plug, however lots of lube is used and it is still very effective, I am immediately back under his authority.
      I know you must obey your husband with his punishment, please appeal to him to use lube. Maybe even pray about it.
      Be safe

      Nic (by the way I am an RN)

      1. Thanks for your helpful comments, Nic.

  10. Cyrus from Bremerton, WA Avatar
    Cyrus from Bremerton, WA

    There are so many important points brought up here . One thing that I would add which has really focused my wife in regards to her submission and singular focus on me as authority and protector is to be in singular control of her sexual response. Any orgasm or self-pleasuring needs to be something she must ask permission for. When we are apart for long periods of time this is maintained via the use of a chastity belt and/or web cams which we have positioned everywhere and which I can monitor. The main goal being she can only achieve sexual release with my permission and under my hand. It reinforces her submissive nature and helps focus her attention on my needs. Over time you will see your wife only get pleasure from pleasing you. Her pleasure is your pleasure. That’s the epitome of a godly wife.

    1. hamiltonman Avatar

      Excellent ideas, Cyrus. Controlling her orgasm is so important to submission and helping her to focus on YOUR needs—which are far greater—than hers.
      Out of curiosity, what’s the longest time you’ve denied her?

  11. Long Time Practitioner Avatar
    Long Time Practitioner

    I have had a good sex life with both of my wives. My 1st passed after 27 years of marriage. We had a good life together and she was very submissive in every way. She was not easily aroused so I did use lubricants for both of our comfort. My 1st wife did not require much spanking with very few sessions with the strap. My current wife is much more sexual and also requires more discipline. Her ass is no stranger to the strap and is in the process of what will be a long several session discipline. The strap causes welts but also wetness. I use this to my advantage. She does “brat” but this time it is costing her many sessions. Tomorrow I will be presented with her bare welted ass for another installment in her discipline. After her corner time and oral pleasuring of me I will have her again. We have a great life and I make sure she stays good by disciplining her as needed which now is greatly in need.

    1. LTP

      Sounds like your wife is well disciplined. What was her offense? and how many sessions do you have planned?

      Most of the time my Husband extends the discipline to the bedroom after my punishments. I feel very submissive after he punishes me and he feels very dominant and that he just distributed justice to his misbehaving wife. It seems to be a natural progression in his CDD house. It is definitely different than spontaneous sex, in that I am completely submitted to him and still being reminded that he is my husband and will drive home the lesson in multiple ways.

  12. I am a newbie to domestic discipline and carrying out my role as HOH but we are not new to anal sex. I want to offer a well researched opinion that anal sex does not have to be dangerous for a women at all. There is a huge amount of education available on how anal sex can be a regular practice without any harm by proper lubrication and preparation and and more lubrication. This really requires the participation of both partners to make it completely clean and safe but millions of people participate in an anal lifestyle or even anal only lifestyle without health problems any more severe than those related to other sex practices. Just do your research to make it clean, safe, and enjoyable for both partners!

    1. This is simply not true. You need to know that. It may be possible to generally reduce risks, and reduce pain, but there is no way to avoid the risks which come with this unnatural sexual practice. Any amount of research will only confirm this.

      The design of that part of the body is totally contrary to intercourse, and that is why it increases the risk of extreme pain, illness, and injury. It’s just not meant for that. The simple fact that you would need to take great measures to avoid extreme pain only shows that it is the WRONG way to do things. It’s a simple design matter.

      You would not think to use a tool, machine, or vehicle contrary to its design, and you’d’ know damage to the machine, or damage to you, would occur if you used it wrongly. Similarly, with anal intercourse, we can see in the machine’s design that what you endorse is the incorrect way to use it. There is a right and a wrong here.

      Many couples have tried to practice anal intercourse for years, and taken measures to make it a little safer, and then ended up needing to make that embarrassing trip to the store to buy adult diapers. Or needing to take embarrassing trips to the doctor because of infection or injury. I do not envy them. It is also a filthy and dirty practice. Most efforts to keep it clean are only partial and do not keep it completely clean. Do not bring a sewer into the marriage bed.

      It may be possible to reduce the risks of the very worst effects, but that still leaves a great many negative effects to suffer through. There are long-term and short-term injuries that will result, even when you take precautions. You can be sure of it. Common sense steers you right here if you listen to reason. It is a practice to avoid.

      1. Here here, Aron! (as you can see I’m newish to your forum and it’s taking me a while to get through it). I am in 200% agreement with everything you said here. There are so many wonderful and beautiful ways for a husband and a wife to enjoy sexual relations, why this focus on a part of the body that was not meant for sexual intimacy and is used for, you know. I just don’t get it. Thank you for your clear and strong commentary on this topic. And not to get too anatomical or gross, but my GI doctor told me about 80-90 % of adults over 30 have at least minor hemorrhoids, and they get worse as we age. So, best to leave those darn, pesky things alone.

        1. Thank you for coming to my website. I hope you continue to find it helpful. I have seen men leave behind this aberrant form of sex once they recognized the risk and the true weirdness of it. I believe more will do so if they examine it fairly, and recognize how needless it is. I look forward to your further comments.

    2. nicolelinn45 Avatar

      Hi Rev.

      I have a question for you. Do you use anal sex to punish your wife or to pleasure her?
      I have read some articles that it can be safe and even pleasurable for the wife. In this context it is used as punishment, and to bring the wife back under her husbands authority very quickly. Pain and discomfort are the means to that end. I guess the humiliation of it leads to being humbled as well.

  13. Hello, wife and regular practitioner of DD here. I have read through this article and on one hand feel validated. I agree with you that anal sex is unsafe, unclean, not to mention quite violating. I showed my husband this article, as well as responses on this thread. However, he is an MD and cites lots of research that anal sex can be safe and that anecdotes of bad experiences prove nothing. Since I cannot convince him of the unsafe part, I take the angle with him about its uncleanliness. I am very subservient to my husband. I do not often argue with him, but I have very mixed feelings about anal sex and this article made me nervous. Unlike the anecdote in your story, he has not made any concessions on the frequency or intensity and continues to take me in my bottom as a more severe punishment than spanking as he believes it renders me more submissive, meek, and docile than spanking with any instrument. This is where my mixed feelings come in. To his credit and as you mentioned is often the case, the sessions in which he corrects me anally are very conducive to my becoming more passive and obedient. This is how it normally goes for us. Generally before he takes my bottom, he will let me know while I’m being spanked that he intends to do so. This brings on a special dread and anxiety during my spanking. He lectures me, of course. “I’m going to take care of this problem inside and outside your bottom today. It’s going to hurt badly because you did something very wrong but you’re going to get through it and while I’m penetrating you, I want you to think about your place as a woman and as my wife. I know you want to be good and this is going to help you learn for next time.” He takes me slowly and methodically and always with lubricant — (im horrified to hear about the commenter whose husband does not use lubricant. That is VERY dangerous.) Though I’m sure it’s safer than rough forceful anal sex, the slowness of his correction is very humiliating. He warms me up with a finger while I’m still placed over his knee after a moderate (typically hand) spanking. The sound of the lube bottle opening makes me cringe. He says his lubricated finger is both a mercy to open me up and also to ensure he is able to penetrate me fully. At this point I am crying from both from the spanking and humiliation of his finger being in my bottom. I am usually thinking that I hate that my husband is to penetrate me back there with his manhood and how wrong I was for getting myself in this position. To be frank, I am usually also shaking with his finger in my bottom both before of the endorphins that the tears are releasing and because of how frightened I am. Then, he typically lifts me up off his knee so I can kneel on the floor in front of him. He stands up and removes his pants and takes out his manhood. My sincere apologies if this is too graphic, but sometimes, to humble me, he will rub his manhood on my face before pressing it against my mouth and telling me to open. This is very overtly erotic for him and very humbling for me, as I am often still sobbing at this point and he will rub my tears across my cheeks. He then pleasures himself in my mouth to make sure he is fully erect. He only allows me to passively open my mouth while he thrusts in and out and does not allow me to “pleasure him” at this moment. This is still very much just a step in my punishment. I am to just hold still and accept his manhood passively in my mouth. I also believe he includes this oral step so he doesn’t have to spend as much time to finish in my bottom to the extent that it would hurt me. Then, he tells me to bend over the bed and begins to penetrate me. Much like when I am spanked, I am brought to tears while he takes me and lectures me. He takes me very slowly and deeply. My feminine energy is completely overrun by his masculinity as I sob softly and lie limply and take in his words and discipline while he continues penetration until he reaches orgasm. He gives me some time to collect myself and due to the intensity of the discipline, allows me to lie alone face down in bed for a few minutes to process everything. Afterwards, he gives me words of affirmation about taking the punishment well and how good he knows I’m going to do from now on. I cry in his arms for a while and he holds me and rubs my bottom. I do feel guilt, shame, humiliation, and remorse intensely and know that I am a better wife for it afterword. Even though i hate and disagree with this punishment, i recognize that his authority during anal discipline shifts my subservience and submission to my husband to an all-time-high. So I guess I am torn. Do I continue to argue this with my husband? Do i have the right to tell him that I will not submit to anal sex in the first place? I know I (and my husband) have benefitted from it, but I also know it’s not what human bottoms were made for and I’m very scared about that. I wish that spankings had the same effect, and they are often helpful but just not QUITE as effective. Thank you for reading and would appreciate your thoughts.

    1. Thank you for your letter, Lacey. I know there are many husbands who use anal for this purpose, and in much the same way as yours does. It is obviously attractive as a way to teach a woman submission.

      As I say in the article, I do not think it is worth a conflict over, but it is a good idea to show him information regarding its dangers, and explain why you think you should not do it. There are other effective ways to discipline which are not contrary to design or nearly as risky. A husband is responsible to love and protect his wife, and this practice puts you at unnecessary risk.

      The dangers of anal sex are not based on anecdotes, although countless stories support the rest of the evidence. It is based on the objective fact that anal sex is against our body’s design, to the point of practically being opposite our design, and also based on the MUCH higher risk of injury and infection. Using safety measures may lower some risks, but it does not mean it is safe. Those are two totally different things.

      If the practice was the right way to use your body, you would not ave to go to great measures to avoid extreme pain — while sometimes feeling it anyway — nor go to great measures to avoid the various other bad consequences. The fact one has to go to those measures in the first place proves it is unnatural and dangerous.

      Many couples learn the lesson the hard way, and that is not what I would want for you. As a husband, he should be prepared to explain that he will be the one accompanying you to the doctor and explain your embarrassing problems, and he will stop by the store on the way hope to pick up the adult diapers in years to come. The body is not built for that, and he puts you at risk to practice it.

      I appreciate your respectful attitude towards your husband. I think the best thing to do is simply put the information in front of him, and express that you do not wish to be put in danger. But no, I would not make a fight out of it.

      I hope that answer is helpful, Lacey. Best to you.

      1. spankedgirl Avatar

        I enjoy your blog very much….. this bothers me. On one hand you say that she is in danger and then on the other hand you say that it is not worth arguing about. How can this be if his responsibility is to protect her?? I understand spanking but this sounds like marital rape.

        1. Thanks for your comment. I say it is “not worth fighting over” because I don’t see it as a serious enough matter. It may be his responsibility to protect her, but it is not her job to correct him if he does a poor job of it.

          She can express her wishes in a respectful way, but that does not amount to a fight. There are some who write on traditional marriage who say a submissive wife should outright refuse this practice, but I disagree, since I don’t see it as a matter of good and evil.

          In marriage we do not withhold our bodies from the other, as bodies are shared property. So there is no “rape” at all. Man and wife are one.

    2. I have to chime in here. If its not sin you need to submit to your husband. Is anal sex a good idea in general? I’m not personally for it but its not a sin. Health wise it varies as well. I would continue to submit to your husband. You don’t mention how long you guys have been doing this but it should not be painful or as painful. You mention he is a MD and uses lube. Your husband seems to be a good man and a godly one. He is washing you clean and correcting you as a husband should. If the anal sex is doing its job then you would be getting less of it right? Plus you’ve mention the positive effects it has on you. Just continue to glorify God in your marriage. God bless! Anal sex is not off limits when it comes to the marriage bed.

      1. Actually, I believe it is stated in scripture to be a sin in 1 Cor. 6:9. It says “Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, (10) nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God.”. NKJV. In the KJV it puts it this way, “….nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind….” Which is even more significantly stated because it certainly is abusing your body to engage in anal sex especially on the receiving end but even on the giving end you are sticking your member in unclean place.

        1. My NKJV has “nor homosexuals, nor sodomites” for those two words in verse 9. The latter literally would mean “man bed.” In ancient Greek, malakos and arsenokoites are recognized as the active and passive partners in homosexual relationships. That’s what this verse is referring to. The passage is not speaking of married couples practicing a perversion. However, many find that the principle ought to stretch to cover them, because of them sharing the same act. I would not agree that it does. I would agree that it’s a dangerous act which abuses the body, and it’s best to stay away from it.

    3. No you should not argue with your husband. but anal sex is not good for your health. Not only for you. It is bad for your husband’s health as well

  14. I love your blog – just found it! Thanks for your thoughts on anal sex. It is something we have engaged in very infrequently for mutual pleasure, but I have wondered about any negative impact it could have. How do you feel about plugs? I don’t see much mention on the subject. Since it basically just goes in once gently and then stays in place, seems like less of a risk? Occasionally at the end of a spanking, my husband will insert a very reasonably sized, fairly comfortable and well lubricated plug into place before I get on my knees to passionately show my gratitude with oral sex. This is usually a sign to me that he will end the session with intercourse in a submissive position from behind. Receiving the plug and having it in while I am giving oral pleasure definitely heightens the feeling of submission I have towards him. I love knowing that it is heightening his pleasure during intercourse and that it’s an added turn-on for him and it thrills me to please him. And to be honest, it feels good. I love giving of myself in this way and it also has built trust – I know he’s not going to hurt me and we communicate. Is this something that you would discourage? Any other advice? Thanks for sharing!

    1. Hello Sami, Thank you for your questions. I’m really glad you enjoy this discipline blog, and am glad to have you here.

      I think anal play, including what you describe, is somewhat safer than anal sex. It provides an alternative for those who want to go there. I don’t do it or recommend it, but I see it is a better option, at least as long as the insert is not very large, or left in very long.

      I know that kind of experience definitely does heighten submission, which is one reason many men use it on their wives, and why some women love it. I’d never deny its effect on a woman. I think your explanation is very good, and would help those readers who think submissive wives are cruelly oppressed, get a better view of the picture.

  15. johnsonjelena45 Avatar

    Aron I would like to hear your opinion on this == Oral sex and swallowing his semen?
    Bob said. “She is expected to swallow everything. ” Aron do you agree with that? And if she doesn’t
    swallow every drop, is there an an additional punishment??? Love to know– others may want to know too.

    1. Hello, Thanks for your question. That’s a subject that comes up once in a while, and it’s definitely relevant to sex and submission. A wife pleasuring her husband orally is immensely submissive, as is especially her swallowing. While oral during making love usually doesn’t end in her mouth, it commonly does if she is giving oral after a spanking, or for training.

      That means she learns to swallow, and take down every drop. A submissive wife will want to do this, even if she has some hesitancy at first. I find that hesitancy over time, and practice, turns into enthusiasm instead. She makes sure to suck until it’s dry. It’s not hard for most women to do. I also give my wife reminders while she’s going down, so swallowing is on her mind and gets her attention.

      As it relates to swallowing, or anything else during sex, I don’t think spanking is appropriate for a lack of perfection. There is always room to learn and get better. Plus spanking for less than perfect performance could get in the way of the intimacy. I have found that when I tell my wife to do something differently, she learns quickly to do it differently. If I point out she should do something better, she will learn to do it excellently. I would not see a need for spanking unless it were a matter of refusing sexual instructions, or being deliberately attitudinal in bed. I’ve never seen that happen, and have never spanked for those reasons.

      There are times when oral does not end in the husband finishing. It can be good to simply have her go down on her knees, give head for a while, and then bring her back up, because there are other things to do. A short trip there, on command, helps her learn to serve her husband, but doesn’t need to take long or be complete. You can always finish the affair later. I find that one of the more useful and practical kinds of training for a wife. It also gives you both something to look forward to later.

      I hope that offers you some insight. I would think most husbands expect swallowing from their wives. This is appropriate both to submission, and to being a loving wife.

      1. This is an older post, but a newer comment and may be missed by some readers so I would encourage you Aron to make a longer main article about this. There is beautiful imagery in the Word about the beauty this submission shows as well as how it should be expected if not required from a truly submissive wife.

        I find that this can be one of the key indicators between true submission and just those wives that are acting submissive. Friends whose wives don’t swallow, I can tell by their wives attitude and actions that while they profess to be submitting – submission is not actually occurring. I’m not surprised then when they discuss their issues with me regarding their wives lack of submission.

        I think it will help for others to be educated and learn more so that they can gain true submission from their wives in this carnal world.

        1. I have heard there are women who will refuse to submit when it comes to swallowing. Clearly that’s in contradiction to a life of submission, and can leave a hard spot between them, where there should be intimacy. Men should know they are in the place to tell their wives they expect them to swallow, and they need to do it.

          Most of the time the refusal to submit comes from either pride or fear, and either one of these can be overcome with a husband’s guidance, and a wife’s stepping forward in submission. When she does submit, she will find a deep closeness and peace between them, which is what many women long for. That hurdle will be well in the past. But you’ve got to take that step forward. Submission is not halfway.

          I have another article on reinforcing headship and submission in bed, but I’ve never finished it yet, being a complex subject, and also not wanting to repeat myself too much.

  16. I understand how back door punishment may not be clean nor safe sometimes. It is also something which i deeply fear. However, we have kept this punishment in our marriage because we have thought long and hard about it, and to put it simply, it is effective in a way that most punishments do not offer.

    When my husband penetrates me from the back, he knows it is something i dread, but yet i submit to him. I am urged to think about my role as a woman and what being a woman means. In other forms of punishment, my husband is simply administering the strokes. But in back door punishment, he experiences sexual pleasure and the punishment stops when he climaxes. in the process, we both know that his pleasure comes at the expense of my pain, and that he is the only one receiving pleasure from this punishment, not me. As a woman, i submit to this process and i serve him. Some may see this as a thin line from BDSM, but we definitely do not see it as that. We do not cower away from the clear truth that wives are to serve their husbands, that i am completely subjected to him. Some people try to dilute this truth but we keep it the way it is. Sometimes it may come across as unfair, especially as a woman where I know that my husband gets to derive pleasure while I am receiving a painful punishment. But i know that it is not so straightforward. He is not a sadist. In fact we are not equal and that is the truth that god has written for us. I obey god even when it hurts & i lower my pride. We understand the essense of what a man and his wife is

    1. Hello Tracy, Thank you for your comment. I would never deny that back door training can improve a wife’s submission or turn around a bad attitude. I used to use it in the past, and I have seen it teach a woman very effectively. I ceased using it because of its aberrant physical nature, as well as the dangers which are inherently attached. Those are factors which some try to mitigate, but which cannot be removed at all.

      I discourage the use of anal, and I don’t find it fits within the husband’s role as protector due to its harm. However, I know many well meaning husbands train or correct their wives with anal, and do their best to be safe. From what I have seen, there are better, and just as effective ways to instill submission, so that is what I encourage instead.

    2. I love this! Seems like you and your husband know your roles and have a biblical blessed marriage.

  17. Hi, I love your blog. I’m really interested in your views on masturbation, mainly for her? Should a submissive need Permission to cum? Outside of sexual activity with HOH?

    1. Hello Jess, I’m really glad you enjoy the website. I don’t believe that a husband should be using denial of sexual pleasure as a form of punishment, or to teach submission. It also seems to get into a more totalitarian, or at least unnecessary realm of control. It seems to interfere with the normal affection a married couple should experience.

      Moreover, I believe a married woman should have little motivation to pleasure herself, when she has her spouse to feel sexually satisfied with. The same goes for a married man. That would make a rejection of masturbation a moot point, unless they are apart for an extended period of time.

      I do mention this practice among various others that I do not use right here:

      I hope that helps answer your question.

      1. Curious Wife Avatar
        Curious Wife

        Hello Aron,
        I’m curious why you think denying a woman an orgasm is too controlling? She is not owed one by any means, she was made to please a man, not the other way around. And I’d say putting too much focus on her having an orgasm is putting her on a pedestal. We as a society didn’t even know females could orgasm until recently.

        I would like to refer you to the Biblical Gender Roles blog, he has an article on the three types of biblical sex and explains why a woman’s pleasure should not be priority. Especially not all the time. He also has made a Instagram post about it recently.

        1. aronhusband Avatar

          Hello Curious, I see there are two basic questions there: that of intentionally denying a woman a sexual climax in order to punish or control her, and that of focusing on a woman’s sexual pleasure normally to the point of bringing her to climax. These are separate but related questions.

          I believe intentionally denying sexual pleasure or climax as a matter of punishment or control is wrong. That is because it is the norm in marriage to be intimate, and is also the norm for a husband to love his wife, which will include wanting her to have delight in bed. Something like denying pleasure or climax goes beyond the normal control a husband ought to have. A husband sets rules and guidelines for his wife, for her good, and the good of the home. These are normal rules of ethics and productive regulation of a household. They are not rules for the sake of rules, or rules for the sake of control. He is not trying to maximize his control over her, to the point of various biological processes. He is simply ruling her justly — that means placing guide rails for her to stay on which are biblical and common sense. If he needs to punish her, he can do so very effectively without interfering with the normal intimacy they ought to have, or with the normal love and desire he ought to express to her. A spanking can take care of discipline, while other parts of the marriage relationship are not significantly affected.

          A man ought to care about his wife’s pleasure in bed. She is uniquely designed to experience pleasure, as well as to reach climax. The fact that many people in the past thought little about that doesn’t change the basic biology of it. To ignore a woman’s pleasure in bed is a similar kind of fraud as refusal to have sex entirely. Pleasure is part and parcel of the act. It is why nearly anyone desires the act. In fact, while it is the man’s climax which is necessary to produce children, a woman’s climax actually increases the chances of conception as well. It is true that a man cares much more about the climax, and a lot of women could live simply with the closeness of the act, and the ability to feel their man’s strength. She is not so fixated on reaching a climax. However, that’s not a reason to ignore it entirely. I believe out of simple love, as I mention in the previous section, any husband would want his wife to be absolutely full of pleasure when they make love, and would want to do what he could to ensure that pleasure. Does he not want her to experience delight in other ways? In fact a man shows his mastery over his wife by being able to bring her to heights of pleasure, as he demonstrates his deep intimate knowledge of her as he does so. That is just one way he takes control of her.

          Now while there are times I realize a man will choose only his own pleasure in bed, I believe it should be the norm that he cares for his wife’s pleasure, as a matter of responsibility. Pleasure comes with sex by our design.

          The Biblical Gender Roles guy has a lot of good ideas on his website. He also has some poor ones. This is a man who endorses modern polygamy, and is liberal when it comes to divorce and remarriage, despite what the New Testament teaches. He reasons very carefully and intelligently, but he also makes mistakes, and is off in some fundamental beliefs. I may agree with a great deal there, and I am happy to see he has decided to endorse domestic discipline, but I would disagree with him here as well.

          I hope that answers the questions.

  18. I read a lot in the DD/CDD movement about a wife needing to learn to submit to her husband sexually. I’ve even read about wives needing discipline to get over some hurdle to submit to something sexual. I wish I could feel more imposed upon in some way by my husband but in all this rebellion I have given him somehow sexually I’ve never felt anything but submission towards him. Even when we’ve argued, the Lord always seemed to help us both never to withhold but be ready to reunite. He’s not into anal though, so that’s been off the table completely. And oral, doesn’t seem to be his “thing” either, although I happily offer. Honestly he can have me however he wants though, so I wonder if we’re doing something wrong because there’s no struggle here. But sex is where I first learned that he has me and that I want him to rule.
    Where I feel more “trained” is spiritually. I always had my own relationship with God and honestly quite often thought I was the stronger one. Whether there’s any truth to that I don’t want to venture but I find submitting to him spiritually is much more leveling and deep. I don’t believe a woman married to a non-believer can or should submit spiritually but as my husband is a believer it is safer to let my spiritual life more under his control.
    So we agreed that I will have daily Bible time now, at his behest, and he chooses each day what I will read and study, with a spanking waiting if I don’t make time. And also I will listen and let him teach me the Bible at other times and listen with humility and not dispute with him. For someone long predisposed to have my own walk with the Lord quite apart from my husband, even viewing myself as more spiritual than he, this is incredibly breaking of something in me which needed to be yielded, to come under him as my spiritual leader, and feels clean and surrendered and right– every bit as much (or maybe more) as submitting to him sexually.

    1. Thanks for your comment, Heather. That’s very interesting. For many women, sexual submission is the easiest and most natural kind to show to their man. It is in a woman’s heart, and her body is built for it. It is often the most attractive form of submission to her. However, others have developed sexual hangups for some reason, or been taught that it is degrading, and will take time to learn sexual submission, and then to be fully satisfied in it. Once they learn, they will be amazed at how fulfilling it is, and how free they feel in serving their man.

      Being led spiritually is also among the most important elements of a man’s leadership. Teaching from the Bible, prayer, hymns, and regular spiritual guidance are all things a husband can do so his wife grows as a woman of God, and experiences his leadership and protection. As you point out, it can also humble her, lest she think she is greater than her husband. I also recommend having time to commit the Word of God to memory, and regular times for confession, which are generally in private, unless it directly relates to another person.

  19. SubmissiveWife Avatar

    I get much pleasure from the pain my husband inflicts during anal. It truly does reinforce my role as submissive to my husband. I never feel more like I belong to him than in those moments. We do not use it as punishment. It intensifies all the love and respect I have for him. It grows the trust I feel for him. We do anal maybe four times a year, but I tell you all the good feelings of love, trust, submission and respect last for weeks and weeks. After anal we have no quarrels, no resentmeets between us. I submit in all ways fully. It feels like a honeymoon. By the time the effects start to wear off, my husband tells me to bring him the lube, take off my clothes and get down on my hands and knees. That it’s time for another “session”. That his cock in my rear end will bring his.sweet wife back. And it does.

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