Wives Letting Go

Women go through a process of letting go when they learn to submit to their man, and be corrected. Taking that position of submission is harder for women who have been raised in modern western values, or who have been allowed by their parents to live selfish, egoistic lives. However, it can be challenging to let go for women who intellectually assent to being obedient wives, or even feel committed due to their faith. A certain amount of self focus still has to be shed. Personal desires at times still need to be washed away. Even a naturally gentle woman can struggle with rightfully submitting, and may find her ego bites back. To fully embrace the soft, feminine role of a wife, you have to loosen your grasp, and let go of several things which are dear to you.

A submissive wife needs to let go of her self will. Anyone living single for a while gets accustomed to self will, and  prideful people put great and wrong emphasis on their will. The will becomes treated like a god. But a wife who is going to be led, protected, and disciplined by her husband has to learn that independent navigation is over. Someone else will be navigating. She needs to take a step back, and learn the practice of receiving instructions. She needs to learn silence so a man can take control. She has to get in the habit of asking her pilot his will, before she makes her own decision. Her will needs to be placed under a greater will. It’s what mankind does when he is restored in Christ, and it is what a wife does when she is married to her husband. The words are the same — It’s your will that I follow.

Similarly, a new wife needs to drop the notion of autonomy. I distinguish autonomy from self will, since autonomy literally means “self law.” An autonomous person is a law to themselves, and they make their own law. A wife learns that the laws in the home are made by her husband, and under the guidance of God. Laws, rules, and ethical decisions are of his making. She may have her input, as well as ask questions, but he fully decides how to apply the law of God in the home, and how to regulate how the home works. She will then need to follow those rules, rather than making ones of her own. Her man’s rules guide her life, provide direction, aid productiveness, and set rails for her to stay on to keep her safe. As man follows the law of God, a wife follows the rules of her husband in the home. No one is ever autonomous.

Any notion of physical independence needs to be forgotten. Man and wife in marriage are no longer two bodies, but one body. Our bodies are not even our own, but are shared with the other. A wife who thinks she decides when sex happens will find she does not, but is in her husband’s hands when he wills. A wife who wishes to use sex to get back at her husband, or control him, will find she has no such weapon in her hands, since her body belongs to him. She finds she is his land to conquer, his field to sow, his beast to ride as he desires. Her flesh is clay in his hands. There is deep fulfillment for a woman in losing her physical independence, but pride can fight this journey, and a woman often needs to learn over and over, until by habit, she finds she is one with her husband. There is no separating them. Her body opens to him like a flower, because it is his.

The journey in submission has not even begun until a woman lets go of any arrogance she has. The notion she is superior to a man, which many women harbor in their hearts, needs to be left behind. She is not better as a woman, she does not have a better heart, or a better mind. She is in no position to put her man down, or to tell him what to do. Even a simple man, with a few skills, is her authority, and has been placed above her to lead and protect her. Instead of being arrogant, she needs to learn humility, look up to her man, see his strengths, see his firm and clear mind, and be grateful to be under him. She may have many skills, but not the ones that let her lead and tell her man what to do. A wife should alternately recognize her own softness and vulnerability, and how good it is to have her man’s protection. She should know she is the more emotional creature, and is directed by the clearer truth of a man’s mind. When she steps out of line, even a simple husband can correct her. Any notion she is better do not fit into the role of a wife.

Some women, more than others, will also need to depart from the notoriously big mouth. Whether it is by habit, or anger, the propensity to dominate conversation, or to interrupt her man causes a major obstacle to submission. While a wife may legitimately offer her opinion, if she is always doing this, and always conflicting with her husband, the root is likely pride and is rotten. To learn submission she needs to let go of her mouth being a constant vehicle for her opinion. She should learn silence. Practice letting her man speak.  If she has important thoughts to share, she can meekly ask if she can offer her ideas. If her thoughts are not helpful, she should learn to keep them to herself. Her mouth should be a means to honor her man, and also offer him support for what he does, and praise for his hard work. Once she gets in the habit of using her tongue for these positive things, the desire to simply use it to prattle will dissipate, and the desire to speak over her man or argue will be much less. Great power is in the tongue, and wife learns to use it for the good of her man.

A man’s discipline of his wife will aid her in all these areas. Naturally, she is learning from the start, and from other means as well. However, discipline is a great tool to help her. Getting spanked reduces any notion of self will and of self law, and she is relived to be done with them. She broke his rules, and she is going through a period of pain as a result. The humbling of having her body bared, her bottom raised in the air, and then strapped until her man sees fit further wash away any notion of physical independence, as her body is under his command, and it assures her arrogance is forgotten as well. Her apologies and salty tears wash away any pride that was welling up. She knows she is in his hands, and is not in control at all. She discovers how much better it will be when she fully accepts his command. Spanking helps with a wife’s mouth as well. She learns to speak with honor during her discipline session. Yes sir and no sir come out of her mouth, reminding her over and over who is in charge, and who is beneath. Her mouth is used to affirm her submission during the spanking, as well as to express regret for any past action, and proclaim a commitment to being good in the future. A spanking sets a woman on the right path in using her words. She uses the correct and honorable words. When it’s finished she often uses her mouth to please her man sexually, reminding her whom she serves, in this way and every other.

Clearly there are other attitudes a woman will need to unlearn in being a submissive wife. Naturally letting go also includes past habits, either habits which are wrong, or ones which now are a hindrance to married life. The whole life changes in marriage, starting with attitudes and mindset becoming new. Don’t be surprised if this takes several years to grow into the new mindset. Expect the selfish desires to require much discipline to put away into the past. Practice all the good things you need to do, and letting go of these attitudes becomes easier, and you will find joy in the new life of submission. Self will is to the utter destruction of marriage, as it is to the utter destruction of mankind. No matter how many times it takes you, put those bad attitudes and bad mouth in the past. Make it your commitment as a wife. Let go of yourself, trust in your beloved.


Comments

43 responses to “Wives Letting Go”

  1. Love, trust, respect and submission.
    I sometimes need a reminder but to me it’s the secret to a good marriage.

  2. Thank you for your advice it has been extremely helpful to me it is a struggle to have a job surrounded with strong women and come home and be a submissive wife and sometimes sitting on a red hot bottom all day for expressing feminist behavior I sometimes wonder is it just me or are any other coworkers having a hard time sitting down

    1. Hello Wendy, That’s interesting. You never know if women are getting spanked, since they don’t generally talk about it these days. However, I would not be surprised if independent and generally bold women get spanked by their husbands. All kinds of women are in marriages like that. Some of the women I’ve communicated with, who either get spanked or want to get spanked, own their own businesses, or have careers.

      However, the home is the best place for the married woman. This is where she fulfills her God-given role. Caring for the home and the children also facilitates her submission to her husband, and is more likely to fill up her time with more feminine activity. The career life, along with separating a woman from home and children, on average makes it more difficult to submit to a husband. That’s in part for reasons such as you mention, including the independence of the job and the people you are around. I would definitely start considering the home as your course in the future.

      I know you will do your best to grow in submission to your husband. Keep up the hard work.

      1. Thank you for your comment and yes so true

    2. johnsonjelena45 Avatar
      johnsonjelena45

      Wendy, I have the same question in my mind. I am always wondering the same: “are any other coworkers having a hard time sitting down” OR Church members sitting on hard pews Sunday morning. Or other Mothers at a PTA meeting. OR out to eat a nice restaurant, I wonder how many women are sitting are sitting on red hot sore bottom. Speaking of work- Has your husband spanked you before work to make sure you felt it bad all day a work- mind did. Jelena – email me if you like.

  3. Anonymous Avatar
    Anonymous

    Yes and no. While an excellent writing, I can not find the beauty described in other writings here.

    For example referring to the woman as “his beast to ride” may be a man’s crude thoughts in the moment but is not distinguishing a woman as feminine. A beast is also defined as non-human.

    Letting go can be much deeper then relinquishing ego or self will. Some women have never known it’s ok to let go….due to probably need for self-reliance and deceptive western feminist ideology.

    Yes!, this article is very insightful on how submission strengthens marriage. Thank you for writing it.

    1. Thank you. I’m glad you find the article insightful. If you don’t like the term “beast” you can just replace it with steed. It is the same basic point, and is meant to connote being under the man’s guidance, not being a literal inhuman creature. The horse is a creature of both strength and beauty, and is a joy to ride.

  4. Totally agree with this article and am naturally submissive, always have been. I know i could try a lot harder though. My husband is dominant without even realising it.

    1. johnsonjelena45 Avatar
      johnsonjelena45

      I am naturally submissive too, I grew up learning to serve other. To think of others first and put myself last. My husband knew he was dominant and he was very strong especially his right arm.

  5. Wondering Avatar
    Wondering

    I understand one of the comments made on here. Sometimes, when you’ve been made to decide things and do it the best way you can, it’s hard to let someone else decide a “better” way. It’s hard for me to even “bother” him with any decisions. I’m used to figuring everything out, for 2 decades. I’ve raised pretty good kids, basically on my own. I took them to church whenever the doors were open, even when my husband didn’t go… (which was almost always the case.) I read the Bible with them, and made sure they knew the God I know.
    Also, I have spent 4 years of my marriage, living in a different state than my husband. And he didn’t even ask what I was doing more than a casual conversation asking what I was up to for the day.
    So now, all of a sudden, needing to “check in” when I am going somewhere, or having to ask if I can do this or that, seems awkward. It’s not that I’m some feminist, but I’ve done it pretty well on my own until now. It feels like I would still be fine doing stuff on my own… I’ve survived this long with going as fast as everyone else on the interstate, or occasionally texting and driving… Now I get in trouble for stuff like that. It’s just weird. 😐

    1. Thank you. Yes, submission does require a change of thinking and change of lifestyle compared to the functionally single life. It requires adapting to over time. However, on a practical level a wife may still have her own projects to do day after day, which are mostly in her hands, other than her husband’s oversight. There do not need to be tight reins on everything.

  6. Kaitlyn Avatar

    Instead of standing in the corner after a spanking, do any husbands make their wives sit on a textured chair or stool or a chair with a “punishment mat” with scratchy raised bumps on it? My husband recently found a bumpy mat that he could have me sit my bare spanked bottom on after a spanking to continue the discomfort during my corner time. Is this a common punishment?

    1. Thanks for your question, Kaitlyn. I’m sure there are a few couples that use punishments similar to that. I use corner time primarily as a chance for my wife to calm down from the spanking, and to think about the lesson she’s learned. It’s not really a part of the punishment itself, but a part of the overall session. The punishment is simply the spanking, which is always going to be hard. If I thought it needed to be added to, I’d just make the spanking longer.

  7. Letting go can be hard, but what you get back is a blessing. I’ve learned that by letting go of my own self-will that I’ve gained something much greater, the peace and fulfillment that comes from being under my husband’s will.

    I believe that God placed me on this earth to serve my husband, so serving him gives me a sense of purpose. So many women feel stress and anxiety from trying to be independent, but I am calm because I trust my husband to always guide and correct me. I don’t feel the pressure of making decisions, I’m able to focus on obeying my husband’s rules and living up to his expectations. My husband is strict and demanding, but he wisely leads our family and always protects and provides for us.

    I think that pride can work both ways. Female ego and self-will are destructive to a marriage, but I take pride in serving my husband trying to be the perfect wife under him. I feel pride when I please him and when I earn his approval. And I am proud that a superior man chooses me to be his wife.

    1. That’s a very good explanation, Monica. Thank you. Letting go of self will is at the heart of submission.

  8. My husband began spanking me the previous month. I’m learning to be a good wife, we’re married for only 7 months but during this time i was really sassy with him, one day he got enough so he spanked me hard when we got home. It was the first time he spanked me, and now he does it when i don’t obey him. Yesterday, he wants anal sex and i refused, then i remembered that i’m his wife so i have to please him, it’s my duty. I accepted and he was really happy to use m’y body as he wants …. I was happy too and i felt so submissive after that.

    1. Thank you for your comment Lisa. I’m glad your husband is getting you on course with being obedient to him. Spanking will definitely help you learn to watch your mouth. I don’t doubt you’ll try to do that from now on. I do not recommend anal sex, since it goes radically against the body’s design and can be dangerous. There are other equally good ways of instilling submission.

    2. Hello Lisa, I’ve struggled to with sass as well as getting lost in feeling I own my own time. I find at times even when knowing my husband’s expectations I allow myself to be idle and basically choose to not get things done. This is so wrong and of course saddens me after the fact when my husband has to set me straight. But I’m grateful for the outcome. I too have refused his desires, but have quickly reminded myself that I gave him all rights when I stood before God and family and said, YES. That yes was my agreement to his leadership then, now, & forever. Wishing you and your husband the best!

  9. Heather Avatar

    Hi Aron,
    Question for you, I know you use a lot of verbal warnings and prefer not to discipline if something can be corrected without it.
    At what point do you decide an apology and commitment to change is sufficient from your wife about some action, or, despite an apology she needs to be disciplined anyway? Or that an apology is almost an excuse and an attempt to escape chastisement?
    I have noticed from talking to other wives that it is fairly common that women will be disciplined after admitting an offense to their man. My husband usually will not discipline me if I have apologized to him for something, as he wants to model that Jesus forgives us when we confess and repent; but sometimes I ask for discipline anyway.
    I am curious how you see these things.

    1. Hello Heather, That’s a good question, and it’s a subject every home has to address. I tend to stick with what the rules are when it comes to serious matters. Certain infractions are punished, no matter what. My wife should apologize as well, but that does not take the place of a punishment. Smaller wrongs, unless they are clearly being repeated after warnings have been given, are usually something I do not deal with through punishment anyway.

      I may on a rare occasion choose to forgo punishment and simply let it pass with an apology, but it doesn’t happen often. I do not view Christian forgiveness as a replacement for discipline. Discipline is in place for the good of the one disciplined, and for the good of the home. It comes hand in hand with her sorrow for the wrong and with my forgiveness. Jesus promises to chastise his children, and that is not out of cruelty, but for the good fruit that it brings. Typically a spanking puts things back in order, and helps my wife to get back on track, and that’s all part of their effective good. I do not skip it for an apology. That would honestly be missing out.

      I hope that answers your question.

      1. Heather Avatar
        Heather

        Hi Aron,
        Thank you brother. I truly appreciate your reply and my husband did too.
        Heather

  10. This is something I need to keep working on. Being more silent and respectful when I speak to him

    1. Yes, that is an excellent goal. Thank you.

  11. Fluer Avatar

    This really resonates with me. I came from a very atypical background of being encouraged to be strong willed and independent thinking as a modern woman. Though as I started dating something clicked that having a man as an equal to me wasn’t what I wanted and what I really needed and wanted was a man to mould and shape me to be respectful and more placid in a traditional relationship and not a modern one.

    Letting go of my modern values and accepting more traditional values of love, honour and obey was not an easy transition and I’ve had my share of spankings to relearn my husbands word is final.

    Still remember my first spanking and sitting bare and cross legged and sobbing after as husband explained his love for me and that it was to help me grow as a woman.

    1. That’s excellent. He sounds like a very good leader. It is helpful so see the man’s work as molding and shaping his wife, and helping her to grow in the right way. He tends to her lovingly, and uses discipline when she needs correction. She is in his hands, to receive his strength and tenderness.

  12. Lauren Avatar

    My husband and I agreed to live the CDD lifestyle just recently and I agreed to his rules and what he wanted in his wife and home life. He found this site and we are reading the articles.

    He is out of town for work and when he called I told him I was busy and couldn’t talk to him now and I would call him back and I hung up. He called back and said I was to speak with him now and I was rude to him again.

    He informed me I would be receiving my first spanking for being disrespectful and hanging up on him along with being rude when he called back. He said I earned a more harsh spanking because of doing it twice. He said to expect my first spanking upon his return tomorrow.

    I tried talking to him to change his mind and apologized perfusely, but he said I needed a lesson in respecting him.

    I am really a nervous wreck and now am thinking twice about agreeing to this.

    Any help would be appreciated in how to deal with my situation.

    Thanks. Lauren

    1. Hello Lauren, Thank you for sharing your situation. It sounds like a well earned lesson you have coming. It’s never easy to face your first spanking. I can only recommend to keep your mind focused on what your husband is teaching you through the correction. Take full responsibility for your bad behavior, and think how you will communicate your regret to him. You should be aware of what led you into that disrespectful behavior, and what you can do to avoid it in the future. Know that a punishment is only temporal, and it will be all better when it’s over. Be grateful that you have a husband who cares to guide you and correct you when you do wrong. You will have sweet peace with your husband when it is over.

      1. Lauren Avatar

        Thanks for responding Aron. I am so nervous and of course having to wait for his arrival home tomorrow prolongs my worrying.

        I know I deserve to be taken down a peg or two. It being my first spanking it is scary not knowing what to expect. I do know that just the word spanking conjures up pain and I know to expect pain from a spanking. Having to strip and accept a spanking from my husband is going to make me feel humiliated.

        I know I was wrong and I know I need to always be respectful of him. I have to work on myself and when he calls to stop what I am doing and focus on him. I feel very bad for treating him that way and will definitely tell him so and that he definitely deserves better from me.

        I am grateful that my husband cares enough to guide and correct me when doing wrong. I am just scared of the first one, not knowing what to expect.

        I want to turn back time, but know I can’t and will have to face him upon his return and accept what he decides I deserve. I know recently we have been arguing a lot and he came upon your website to fix the problem. I agreed to it as I don’t like what the arguing is doing to our marriage either and I need reining in and for him to lead and me to follow. I am just nervous.

        Thanks so much. Lauren

    2. Fluer Avatar

      Hi Lauren

      I understand the fear and trepidation that your first spanking will bring I still remember mine.

      You’ll probably hope that your husband has forgotten or that he’ll see reason and you can talk it out, he won’t.

      He’ll then utter the terrifying words of get undressed now that was when I felt the most humiliated standing outside his study naked waiting for him to open the door and begin the punishment. It will be totally natural to beg him not to do it it took me about a minute to break down in tears, it made no difference.

      He gave me about 20 minutes in the corner to compose myself before he had to pretty much drag me to the spare room to start the spanking.

      That first smack is something that you’ll never forget but remember it’s the start of the end and you need to try and breathe and not count the amount of snacks.

      If he’s like my husband once it’s done the start of the healing process with you will begin mine often gives me corner time with as many tissues as needed until I’ve calmed down and then he delivers a lecture and I promise that I’ll try to never do it again and say thank you sir.

      Often an hour or so later our bond has never been stronger and I feel his love for me has grown.

      xx

      1. Lauren Avatar

        Hi Fluer

        I definitely could not talk him out of it. I think my husband will be very consistent with his leading me, as I earned another spanking when he gets home tonight. My mouth just continues to get me in trouble. I have got to learn self-control quickly or I will be walking around with a very sore bottom.

        I received my first spanking a couple of days ago. He didn’t hold back and gave me a paddling. I don’t want to feel that pain again. I cried like a baby and was very remorseful but than I was nasty again with him this morning before he left for work. I am disgusted and disappointed in my self for letting him down again. And now I have to go through another tough lesson in controlling my mouth. I tried pleading with him as he was leaving but he said this is how it works. He said he is patient and knows I need consistency in relearning good behavior. He said it is good for me and it will take time but he knows I can do it and change.

        As you said I won’t forget the first stroke as I screamed out in pain. I deserved what he gave me and feel his love more after he administered it. I didn’t expect it to hurt so badly, but I stayed in position, accepted what I earned and got through it.

        He was very sweet and caring throughout as I was crying hysterically at times. He stopped and rubbed my back and face to comfort me. He said you need this and will get through it. It is for your growth as a women of God and my wife. The pain is only temporary but the lessons will bring lasting peace to our home and marriage.

        He was also very firm and he spanks extremely hard, but as he said that is the point of a spanking, if they didn’t hurt they wouldn’t change bad behaviors.

        I have a lot to unlearn and relearn. I know now he isn’t messing and will guide and spank me to save our marriage and to live righteously according to God.

        I didn’t think I would be so stupid, I know I am learning, to receive another one 2 days later, but here I am.

        I finally stopped crying after the first one and now I have to get through another one.

        After he held me and was encouraging and told me he believes in me and my ability to change. I unexpectedly felt closer to him. I also gained more of
        an appreciation for his strength and fortitude as a man and my husband. I told him how sorry I was that I hurt him and let him down. I told him his words hurt more than the spanking because they went right to my heart and opened it to here his words.

        I know now why I need his guidance and corrections, even though it hurt, I know with his consistency I will change and make him and God happy.

        Please pray for me.

        Thanks. Lauren

        1. Jacobuwatson Avatar
          Jacobuwatson

          You sound like you really want to learn Lauren.

          Just know that it takes time and patience from both you and your husband. My wife has earned 2 spankings in one day on several occasions. It isn’t pleasant for her as she had to sit very gingerly for a couple of days. But she has started catching on and hates having to receive 2 in one day and is becoming more submissive. Consistency from me is the trick as I must make sure she understands her place and will be spanked when she gets out of place.

          Tell your husband that you appreciate and love him for guiding you even though it hurts. Show humility to him. My wife is learning this also and told me just yesterday after a hard spanking that she is loving me more for not letting her bad behavior go. Spankings work, I truly wish all marriages used this wonderful tool to keep a marriage happy and functioning.

          Jacob

          1. Lauren Avatar

            Thanks Jacob, yes I definitely what to learn and grow as his wife and a women of God.

            I would have to accept it if I ever earn 2 in one day. I am hurting after 2 after a couple of days. But I have no one to blame but myself. I deserved what he gave me. I know like you my husband will be very consistent with carrying out an earned spanking when due.

            Thanks for your encouragement.

            Lauren

        2. Fluer Avatar

          Hi Lauren

          I also didn’t truly appreciate how manly and strong he was until he started spanking me. Also I find him more kind and caring after I’ve been spanked his warmth and kindness in his words of encouragement make me sometimes even more upset that my behaviour has been substandard.

          My upbringing meant it took me a lot of time to become truly submissive to him and not to lash out with my tongue, even now I occasionally forget myself and immediately regret it.

          xx

    3. Steffan Avatar
      Steffan

      Lauren,
      You say that your mouth continues to cause trouble. I wonder if your husband has considered using mouth-soap to improve your conduct?

  13. johnsonjelena45 Avatar
    johnsonjelena45

    Joan don’t you feel it unfortunate that more couples don’t realize the secret to a good marriage. And it unfortunate that women are sometimes afraid to express their needs (to many it doesn’t feel right or natural to be needing a spanking as adult)

  14. Krissy Avatar

    It’s definitely hard not repeating the same things over and over, especially when roles have just been switched.

    1. Hello Krissy, Does that mean you are new to learning to be submissive?

      1. Krissy Avatar

        Yes I am. I wrote you an email earlier explaining my situation, not sure if it went through or not.

        1. Yes, I just replied. I know you will do your best to learn to submit to your husband. Expect there to be obstacles, but they are overcome with perseverance. Best to you both.

  15. Amazed Avatar

    I have spent 4 days being a terrible wife and mother, ignoring all my responsibilities and setting an absolutely terrible example to my children of phone use because I accidentally found this blog, and in 4 days I have spent hours upon hours reading every last post and comment. I can’t stop. I honestly think I’m addicted. I read it at stop lights, at my kids’ lacrosse games, while nursing, if I can open my phone for 10 seconds and get one sentence in without getting caught – I do it. I’ve never been addicted to anything in my life, but I can’t stop myself from reading it, I keep thinking “so this is what an addiction feels like.” How do I make it stop? Haha.

    The holy spirit has just delivered me from the depths of hell and I had no idea I was even there. My whole heart, mind, soul and desires have dramatically shifted in 4 days. Everything I thought I knew about myself, my husband, and marriage has been turned upside down. I have not mentioned anything to my husband yet, as I am still processing everything. But I can not stop reading and learning.

    In my new vocab you taught me I am clearly “bratting” because as I sit here in my pantry reading your blog while I should be making dinner I am thinking “this is what Aron means, this is a good example of me needing to be spanked, someone should spank me for hiding in my pantry from my kids reading a blog instead of making dinner.” The irony of getting spanked because I am reading a spanking blog too much that taught me that I need to be spanked! But I just keep doing it because I know nobody will stop me. I have built a world where I get to do what ever I want. And I often make bad choices. 4 days ago I thought that was what I wanted, but now I see it is causing damage in every level of my life. (For a little context: “what I want” are righteous things. I am a very righteous, selfless, traditional mother and wife, which I guess is how Satan blinded me to my self righteousness).

    I don’t know exactly how God used you to instantly pick me up and put me on a totally different path in an instant. I hope to meet you at the judgment bar one day and tell you thank you. I was/am your least likely following as I dont believe most of what you say, but as you say it i know that it is true for us right now and what the Lord is calling me to do. Thank you is not enough.

    It’s been really interesting as I’ve been absorbing your blog. I have started to see how I treat my husband. We actually have a great marriage, at least, I thought. But after reading what being a true submissive wife looks like and sounds like from all you wonderful people on this blog I recognize that almost literally everything I say to my husband is prideful and selfish. And the worst part is he doesn’t even notice it, or at least has accepted it as just “who I am”.

    I actually thought that after reading this blog I could just change and be a submissive wife on my own without having to tell him about the blog or asking him to spank me (because honestly, it goes against so much of what we believe in), but for the last 4 days I HEAR all the ways I am being disrespectful but for the life of me I can’t change it!! Like for example he’ll say “it’s time to put the kids to bed” and with out even looking at him I’ll say “in a little bit. I’m not ready” and just keep doing what I’m doing. Or he will say “are you going to finish (that project)?” And I will say “maybe, stop asking me about it- I will do it when I feel like it”. I have made a goal a thousand times I’m the last 4 days that “the next time I talk to my husband I will be very submissive and just listen”. And I CANT DO IT!!! WHY??? I thought we were fine because we are VERY TRADITIONAL, he works, I stay home with our 8 kids. I cook dinner from scratch every night, I do all the cooking, cleaning, child stuff etc. We have sex several times a week. I thought “what more could a guy ask for?” But deep down I felt superior to him, like I knew the answers to everything and I had to tolerate his “leadership” so he felt important, but I knew that I was actually the one who knew what was best. Like if he just did exactly what I said and I was totally in charge we would have a much better, happier life. Before your blog I didn’t know that’s how I truly felt (deep down) but I have been convicted by the Holy Spirit and I can see that was exactly what was in my heart.

    Now please pray God will give me the strength to block your blog on my phone ;), pay attention to my children, make dinner, open up my heart to my husband, apologize, confess, and beg for him to teach me to be submissive.
    (Oh… and heather… you don’t know it, but we are best friends)

    1. Hello Amazed, Thank you for notifying me of this. There is some irony to getting a spanking because you’ve been wasting too much time reading a spanking website. While I am very honored you enjoy my articles, and that you know you need your husband’s discipline, you need to fulfill your responsibilities. Anything else comes after they are done.

      You can begin becoming more of a submissive wife without your husband’s correction. That is what any wife should be doing. His correction is only there for when it is necessary. You should be wholeheartedly serving your husband, honoring him, and taking care of your duties in the home. You should avoid any disrespect or arguing. If you are puffing yourself up in your heart as a very righteous wife, it is good you learn to be humble, admit your wrongs, and where you are weak.

      The next step for you is to talk to your husband about how you need clearer leadership from him, as well as discipline. You explain how it would help you, and how it would help him manage you. Let him know your failings, and the fact you sometimes deserve chastisement. Your husband can consider the issue, and decide what is best.

      Until then, do your work, and do not waste any time until it is done. I know you can do well.

      Take care.

    2. Heather Avatar

      LOL, “Amazed” —
      I’m reading your post thinking, “Gosh, this girl sounds like me. I so want to be her friend.”
      And then you mention me at the end. Made my day 🙂

      Aron really has a gift, doesn’t he? There’s something here that feeds the soul and we hunger for it, and need it.

      Of course, it’s time to stop hiding in the pantry reading this, and start reading it aloud to your hubs. Mine found it weird at first but he was just intrigued enough that he let me read another one, and another one, until he quite eagerly awaited the next post.

      Or just buy yourself a bamboo paddle on Amazon and hand it to him one day. And say nothing. LOL I so want to hear how that goes ;).

  16. This article is so good Aron. All of the aspects you have described in a wifes journey of letting go resonate so strongly with my own experience. I dont think I am a natural submissive and still struggle at times to let go and give up my free will and accept that I am no longer an autonomous person, but my husband uses prayer, talks and disapline to help me learn my place. That place I know is beneath my husband, serving him and putting his needs first. In doing so I will be supporting my husband in leading and taking care of our family. This is a wifes duty and I will continue to strive to submit to him in any way he desires even when I find this difficult.

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