Women go through a process of letting go when they learn to submit to their man, and be corrected. Taking that position of submission is harder for women who have been raised in modern western values, or who have been allowed by their parents to live selfish, egoistic lives. However, it can be challenging to let go for women who intellectually assent to being obedient wives, or even feel committed due to their faith. A certain amount of self focus still has to be shed. Personal desires at times still need to be washed away. Even a naturally gentle woman can struggle with rightfully submitting, and may find her ego bites back. To fully embrace the soft, feminine role of a wife, you have to loosen your grasp, and let go of several things which are dear to you.
A submissive wife needs to let go of her self will. Anyone living single for a while gets accustomed to self will, and prideful people put great and wrong emphasis on their will. The will becomes treated like a god. But a wife who is going to be led, protected, and disciplined by her husband has to learn that independent navigation is over. Someone else will be navigating. She needs to take a step back, and learn the practice of receiving instructions. She needs to learn silence so a man can take control. She has to get in the habit of asking her pilot his will, before she makes her own decision. Her will needs to be placed under a greater will. It’s what mankind does when he is restored in Christ, and it is what a wife does when she is married to her husband. The words are the same — It’s your will that I follow.
Similarly, a new wife needs to drop the notion of autonomy. I distinguish autonomy from self will, since autonomy literally means “self law.” An autonomous person is a law to themselves, and they make their own law. A wife learns that the laws in the home are made by her husband, and under the guidance of God. Laws, rules, and ethical decisions are of his making. She may have her input, as well as ask questions, but he fully decides how to apply the law of God in the home, and how to regulate how the home works. She will then need to follow those rules, rather than making ones of her own. Her man’s rules guide her life, provide direction, aid productiveness, and set rails for her to stay on to keep her safe. As man follows the law of God, a wife follows the rules of her husband in the home. No one is ever autonomous.
Any notion of physical independence needs to be forgotten. Man and wife in marriage are no longer two bodies, but one body. Our bodies are not even our own, but are shared with the other. A wife who thinks she decides when sex happens will find she does not, but is in her husband’s hands when he wills. A wife who wishes to use sex to get back at her husband, or control him, will find she has no such weapon in her hands, since her body belongs to him. She finds she is his land to conquer, his field to sow, his beast to ride as he desires. Her flesh is clay in his hands. There is deep fulfillment for a woman in losing her physical independence, but pride can fight this journey, and a woman often needs to learn over and over, until by habit, she finds she is one with her husband. There is no separating them. Her body opens to him like a flower, because it is his.
The journey in submission has not even begun until a woman lets go of any arrogance she has. The notion she is superior to a man, which many women harbor in their hearts, needs to be left behind. She is not better as a woman, she does not have a better heart, or a better mind. She is in no position to put her man down, or to tell him what to do. Even a simple man, with a few skills, is her authority, and has been placed above her to lead and protect her. Instead of being arrogant, she needs to learn humility, look up to her man, see his strengths, see his firm and clear mind, and be grateful to be under him. She may have many skills, but not the ones that let her lead and tell her man what to do. A wife should alternately recognize her own softness and vulnerability, and how good it is to have her man’s protection. She should know she is the more emotional creature, and is directed by the clearer truth of a man’s mind. When she steps out of line, even a simple husband can correct her. Any notion she is better do not fit into the role of a wife.
Some women, more than others, will also need to depart from the notoriously big mouth. Whether it is by habit, or anger, the propensity to dominate conversation, or to interrupt her man causes a major obstacle to submission. While a wife may legitimately offer her opinion, if she is always doing this, and always conflicting with her husband, the root is likely pride and is rotten. To learn submission she needs to let go of her mouth being a constant vehicle for her opinion. She should learn silence. Practice letting her man speak. If she has important thoughts to share, she can meekly ask if she can offer her ideas. If her thoughts are not helpful, she should learn to keep them to herself. Her mouth should be a means to honor her man, and also offer him support for what he does, and praise for his hard work. Once she gets in the habit of using her tongue for these positive things, the desire to simply use it to prattle will dissipate, and the desire to speak over her man or argue will be much less. Great power is in the tongue, and wife learns to use it for the good of her man.
A man’s discipline of his wife will aid her in all these areas. Naturally, she is learning from the start, and from other means as well. However, discipline is a great tool to help her. Getting spanked reduces any notion of self will and of self law, and she is relived to be done with them. She broke his rules, and she is going through a period of pain as a result. The humbling of having her body bared, her bottom raised in the air, and then strapped until her man sees fit further wash away any notion of physical independence, as her body is under his command, and it assures her arrogance is forgotten as well. Her apologies and salty tears wash away any pride that was welling up. She knows she is in his hands, and is not in control at all. She discovers how much better it will be when she fully accepts his command. Spanking helps with a wife’s mouth as well. She learns to speak with honor during her discipline session. Yes sir and no sir come out of her mouth, reminding her over and over who is in charge, and who is beneath. Her mouth is used to affirm her submission during the spanking, as well as to express regret for any past action, and proclaim a commitment to being good in the future. A spanking sets a woman on the right path in using her words. She uses the correct and honorable words. When it’s finished she often uses her mouth to please her man sexually, reminding her whom she serves, in this way and every other.
Clearly there are other attitudes a woman will need to unlearn in being a submissive wife. Naturally letting go also includes past habits, either habits which are wrong, or ones which now are a hindrance to married life. The whole life changes in marriage, starting with attitudes and mindset becoming new. Don’t be surprised if this takes several years to grow into the new mindset. Expect the selfish desires to require much discipline to put away into the past. Practice all the good things you need to do, and letting go of these attitudes becomes easier, and you will find joy in the new life of submission. Self will is to the utter destruction of marriage, as it is to the utter destruction of mankind. No matter how many times it takes you, put those bad attitudes and bad mouth in the past. Make it your commitment as a wife. Let go of yourself, trust in your beloved.
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