I want to write about why so many women enjoy being spanked, and even find very deep fulfillment in it. Some would suggest the title is an exaggeration, because surely there are some women who do not love it, but I let the title stand because there are so many who do, and because it is rooted so deeply in their femininity and their calling as women. This is why you will find so much literature about marital discipline or spanking in general written by women, including some of the best blogs on the subject, and insightful explanations of the practice. It’s why so many women read spanking material as well, including the super-abundant number of female readers and viewers of 50 Shades of Gray. Women love spanking, and it is deep in their beautiful souls.
I was actually turned on to spanking by a girlfriend years ago, and when I lived my life as a player, had numerous women suggest very forceful things to do to them, including one that I rank as extreme and which I had little interest in. Some of the best advice on the subject of male leadership was given to me by women, either girlfriends or regular female friends including that a man should never let a woman get on top (figuratively of course) since she would want to stay there and control him. He should always be in charge of his woman. From online forums, it appears that arguably the majority of the time, it is the woman who introduces spanking into the relationship, and not the man. Many are the women who feel frustrated by the lack of leadership from their man, and the lack of spanking. Even a weak or short spanking may leave them unfulfilled. They need a good hard and long smacking of their bottom to get the job done.
Why is this? Why would anyone, female or otherwise, desire another person to take their power away, put them in a vulnerable position — which many would define as simply humiliating — and inflict pain on their bottom. The pain is ongoing, and sometimes it is hard to bear. What would make someone desire, even long for, what sounds to most like it is degrading, and an awful experience all around.
You can find good material by both women and men about this online, but I want to touch on a few points here that I believe offers similar insight. Women love spanking for some of the same reasons anyone desires discipline, along with reasons unique to women, and even sometimes for reasons unique to her own life experience and history. They make her long for the discipline, the humbling, the being taken down a peg, the baring of her body, and a justly inflicted spanking which hurts.
Perhaps the most obvious reason women love spankings is because they can feel the power of their men. There is both emotional excitement, and arousal in seeing their men’s power, both over the resistance of their mind and over their body. Just as the man shows his strength to them in the marriage bed, he shows his strength now. Just as his desire and his mind should lead their relationship daily, it leads her now in a very personal and powerful way.
Along with sensing her man’s power, is the fulfillment she experiences in her own submission to spanking. God gave women an inner leaning toward submission, and a deep capacity to submit in a heartfelt way. In spanking, this is fulfilled perhaps more immanently than anywhere else in her marriage or any other relationship. She must yield to her man’s strength, mentally, spiritually, physically. She yields by admitting her wrong. She yields by accepting a humbling. She yields by receiving the spanking, and passively feeling the blows of her man. It is control and yielding in action. It is no surprise, that despite a little fear that goes along with it, the spanking is fulfilling to her womanhood, and erotically exciting.
Women also enjoy spanking because of the peace that it brings after conflict. Spanking puts an end to uproar or offense. It puts and end to coldness. If the air between husband and wife has been sour over her bad behavior, or refusal to submit to her husband, the air is cleared by her submission to just punishment. Peace has been made more quickly and easily than most people find it. In some instances peace has been made where perhaps it would not have been made otherwise. Many are the couple who entered into domestic discipline for this very reason, and found in virtually turned around their marriage. A good bare-bottomed spanking can do what no long discussion, argument, counselor, or divorce lawyer can accomplish — it brings intimacy, love, harmony, and peace back to a marriage, faster than you can say — over my knee. Who wouldn’t love that?
Women love spanking for a reason nearly universal — accepting the punishment brings an end to real guilt. A woman who has behaved badly, who has been rebellious to her husband, who has shirked her responsibilities knows there is real guilt for doing that. Guilt before her God, and guilt in the domain of the home before her husband. A person who is truly repentant and knows they have done wrong will know that a punishment is just and deserved. Accepting with our heart that the punishment is just is a part of repenting of our behavior. It’s a part of our guilt being removed from our wrong.
One might argue that couples could achieve the same effect with discipline that is not forceful in nature — such as removing privileges. However, spanking comes across as much more of a punishment than mild practices like that — both for the pain and the humbling of it — and is also more of a catharsis, of guilt and pent up emotion. For this reason I find gentle discipline doesn’t seem much like just punishment for serious offenses. It is true that couples regularly practice forgiveness for wrongs, but there are times forgiveness comes hand in hand with real justice being done — think of God’s forgiveness of David for his murder and adultery, and the fact God also punished him temporally for these evils. David certainly is in heaven right now, but he did not reject that he deserved punishment for his deeds. He accepted it. So too, a wife accepting a spanking from her husband can realize she has both his forgiveness, and the just deserts of her crime. What she did was wrong, she feels bad about it, but now it is over and forgotten. You will find that most couples that practice spanking will testify their upsets or offenses are over quickly. Once the wife has been spanked and restored, all is new and it is never mentioned again.
Women love spanking because of the accountability it gives them. Along with the experience of their man’s power, and a fulfillment of their own submission, along with greater peace at home and removal of guilt, is the practical asset that spanking helps women be accountable for their actions. This could be a woman who knows she has problems with responsibility. It could be one who has problems with over-eating and having self-control at the table. It could be a woman who knows she has a bad mouth on her, back-talks her husband, and wishes inside she could stop. Spanking holds her accountable. Spanking says — stop, that was wrong, it was very wrong, you know it, I am the man who is responsible for you and you have to stop. It gives a strong incentive to stay out of trouble –as long as it is severe enough — and often brings real practical fruit. Many spanked wives would testify to bad habits they left behind through this kind of discipline, and many are the husband who would tell you of bad behaviors their wife left behind while over their knee regularly. For women who know they need to be held accountable, spanking is a great practical help. It puts the man in their life there to hold them accountable, and give them motivation suited to them as women.
Women love spanking because it is powerfully erotic. This ties in to the first point I mentioned — that of power and submission — but it deserves to be spoken of alone. The man’s control has a sexual element, and reminds her of his strength of character and strength in the marriage bed. The element of nudity is there in a spanking, baring one of the most sexualized zones of a woman — her bottom and upper thighs. They are bare for her man to see at his pleasure, often raised up in the air as if presented to him. The vulnerability and humbling are also erotic. Some suggest a woman being put over the knee is being treated like a child, but it is rather that she is being made vulnerable and ultimately powerless. This by itself is rooted in her sexuality, and submissiveness to her man. She desires to be powerless to him, to be conquered, vanquished, made completely his, naked at the disposal of a glorious conqueror. The humbling, and child-like position of the spanking helps fulfill this. Many spankings also involve the closeness of bodies, especially if she is lying over his lap, or if he is using his hand to discipline her. Even husbands who spank with an implement often take the time to touch their wife’s body firmly, or gently during a spanking, bringing emotional and physical intimacy into the overwhelming experience. If she has trouble bearing the spanking he may stroke her hair, or her face, and reassure her. She is completely his when she is being spanked just as she is completely his when she is being taken forcefully in the marriage bed, as her man expresses his powerful desire for her, holds her down, speaks into her ear. In both arenas she has become his woman completely.
Do not try to convince me or anyone else that a discussion accomplishes this. Or speaking with a counselor either. That they could replace being turned over a man’s knee and spanked. That would be totally absurd to even suggest. Often it amounts to playing footsy with the devil. Such methods accomplish something different, but they can never accomplish what spanking does, be it in terms of establishing authority and submission, marital peace, or emotional and sexual closeness. A woman over a man’s knee might sincerely fear the strapping she expects, but she loves his power. His power is sexual to her. That’s why so many couples blend intimacy into their discipline, or have the wife perform for her husband sexually afterwards. There is no more a way to remove the erotic element from spanking than there is to remove the power element from making love. They are both deeply intertwined in their own form of embrace.
There is much more to communicate when it comes to a woman’s desire for spanking. I will stop there. A woman’s need to feel her man’s power is no state secret. Some may desire it privately, and feel it is a forbidden thing. Other women are very openly submissive, and willing to speak of their need for their man taking control of them. They know it is natural and legit. Just as being a helper to her man is written by God on a woman’s soul, and just as submission is a beautiful expression of her femininity, being spanked fulfills her purpose in being led by her man. It fulfills her soul which was designed to be led. She is led, taught, made better, corrected, and then fully restored to live in his love. Spanking fits into the tapestry of the woman’s role with her man, and the grand picture of redemption that womanhood is. The wife represents the chosen people of God. She is the bride of the Savior. Her chastisement is a part of her bring made holy. Despite the brief anxiety or pain, it finally refines her. It restores her. The woman who desires this desires a good thing.
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