Spanking as Training

While we mostly think of spanking in marriage as being for punishing an offense, in many marriage is also gets used as a form of training the wife in discipline and submission. Some couples have sessions only so she can become accustomed to receiving spankings, or so she can grow into submission better. This is one of the most contentious topics in the community of domestic discipline, and you are likely to get some heated replies if you show favor either way, although not from everyone. Mostly, that is because some people get offended at the idea of spanking for reasons other than punishment, and also claim it is not productive in teaching right behavior.

Spankings like these are often called maintenance spankings if they are done regularly. Other couples may call them submission spankings if they are given specifically to build submission. You will find longer training sessions called “boot camps” promoted here and there, which couples might use while starting discipline, or if the wife is slipping in her behavior, in order to jump start the learning process. These are also to aid both partners in their roles, helping the man lead, and their woman submit and be led. Any training spanking rests on the simple idea, among others, that having to bare her body, humble herself by bending over, be spanked on the bottom and verbally instructed, will aid a woman in submitting to her man. There needs be no infraction to be punished. It will speak to her soul. 

I understand how some may conclude that spanking for the purpose of training could confuse the wife about discipline, and perhaps even cheapen the purpose of the punishment spankings. However, I also recognize their benefit in some situations, as many who use them would attest. I see no hard and fast rule that demands a spanking is wrong unless it is for punishment. Therefore, while I promote spanking in the punishment sense, and that this should be the overall system in the marriage, I believe it is acceptable in the short term to use spanking for other purposes. There can be very good results. It can help focus the woman back on her submission. It can help acquaint a woman who’s grown up to be independent and reject men’s authority, to learn respect for authority, and learn to be soft to his command. I think this can be very beneficial in the short term.

I don’t recommend it being done continuously in the long-term. I do agree that, with its similarity to a punishment, it could confuse both partners as to the purpose of punishment discipline. It could also form the habit of viewing spanking as a response to too many things, and lead it to be practiced too often. This then, as I have warned elsewhere, can make the marital relationship too much about external motivation, or about discipline in general. 
I have used spankings for training my wife in the early years of marriage. This was when I believed she was continuously being careless about some things, and I found that giving her a regular spanking as a reminder to respect my words would get her out of this habit, which it did. I gave them once a week for several months, and kept them lighter than the usual punishment spanking. This is common for couples who use maintenance.

Years ago, before marriage, I also used my own version of the boot camp, and had a day-long session only to deepen my woman’s submission. The training involved having her do work for me around my home. Throughout the day, she needed to bend over and be spanked at my command, not for any infraction, but to get her used to belonging to me and submitting everything to me. It also involved her giving herself sexually to me on command as I desired. That was with a woman I witnessed deepen in submission over time. She was very submissive in following my lead, and learned more enthusiasm for her role in serving me. She also overcame some resistance and occasional hang-ups she had. I fully approve of the boot camp idea, although like anything else, it needs to be done right, and can’t be viewed as a cure all for problems. It can be a very powerful and effective way to deepen the relationship, and make leadership and submission more complete, and fully within the fiber of your being.

Finally, another not uncommon kind of training is the reminder spanking. Some husbands will give these to remind their wives to be on good behavior in a situation she has repeatedly had trouble with. For example, if she has acted up in certain social situations, or been careless with alcohol, he may spank her before she enters that situation again. It is a preemptive warning to her to be self-controlled and obedient to her husband. It helps pacify any rebellious urges. The burning reminder, as well as the immediate presence of his authority, can help keep her mind on what she has to do, and give her good reason to avoid stepping off the path again. I have never personally given a spanking for this reason, but I can see its benefit for aiding her behavior. If it works for you, that’s a tool you can try out. A woman whose bottom is still sore from her man’s hand, and whose memory is pregnant with the powerful experience, will not easily forget that her husband is in charge.

Call them what you like. Training a woman toward submission through spanking her is regularly practiced in a large portion of domestic discipline marriages. There is some flexibility in how you choose to distinguish them from punishments, and in the purpose you choose to use them. Just like spanking for punishment, spanking for training is just one tool in building submission. It may work, it may not. Complaints against the practice are overly loud and not well founded. Just be careful not to rely on it heavily, or practice it too often. A woman who has just been spanked is often closer to her man than before, and fully embracing her submission. Whether for punishment or training, it is a lesson either way. 


29 responses to “Spanking as Training”

  1. […] give it. If she needed it less often I’d give it. I do believe there is legitimate usage of spankings for training rather than punishment, or for a helpful reminder into the future, but I view those as the […]

  2. […] husbands may find that using spanking as training will help their wives adjust, both to accepting leadership, and being given corporal punishment. […]

  3. That’s great Alysia. I am honored if I am an inspiration to you. If I had more time, believe me, I would do even more with the website. For now, it is mostly writing. Be blessed.

  4. […] what she’s looking for. If it is ongoing, bratting could be a call to give her regular training spankings, what many call maintenance. She may be aching for that clear leadership, and by getting herself in […]

  5. I receive maintenance spankings every Friday morning. It sets the tone for the weekend, it differentiates and sets the tone to transition from work to home, and it brings me closer to Sir for the next 2-days together. We’ve done this for a long time and I hope it never ends. It is intense and hard, but not nearly like a discipline spanking. I absolutely know the difference. 😉

    Great writing and I love reading the man/husband’s perspective.

    1. Thank you very much, Marie. I care about the topic and love to write about it. I think there needs to be more out there from the man’s perspective. It sounds like you are led thoughtfully and well by your husband. Peace.

    2. I usually receive the maintenance spanking from my husband on Saturday evening.
      It is much better than spankings during the daylight.
      Kids are in their beds, sleeping.
      He spanks me in the privacy of our bedroom and we enough time for a proper spanking.
      When we are alone I take off my panties and lay across his lap.
      i do like this feeling!
      He spanks my thighs first, and then my a–.
      I feel his strong hand on my skin about 5 – 10 min.
      After a proper spanking my a– is very red, warm and sore.

      1. Yes. Giving herself to her husband to be trained can be very fulfilling to a woman. It is a very intimate time between husband and wife. It can be very special to be helpless over her man’s lap.

  6. […] wife training — yes, spanking is one form of training a wife, among others, I use the term wife training a number of […]

  7. […] are best relegated for serious offenses, or repeated ones. Some husbands also use spanking as training when they see it is needed. I would keep verbal correction as a general form of guidance, for minor […]

  8. Good day! I know this is kinda off topic however , I’d figured I’d ask. Would you be interested in trading links or maybe guest writing a blog article or vice-versa? My blog discusses a lot of the same subjects as yours and I believe we could greatly benefit from each other. If you are interested feel free to shoot me an email. I look forward to hearing from you! Excellent blog by the way!

  9. We are quite new to dd. My husband does give me maintenance spanking to train me to be the wife he deserves to have and the wife he needs.
    I love being spanked as I feel truly submissive afterwards even though I definitely don’t enjoy the pain!

    1. Maintenance spankings can definitely help to keep a wife on point. I’m glad you care so much to be a good wife for your husband, and know the true value of discipline. Spanking can be very fulfilling for a woman despite the pain. Thank you.

  10. A lot of girls, adult girls and young females do like it.
    My husband started to spank me from the very first day of our marriage.
    He spanks me regularly once or twice a week.
    I am very thankful.

    1. Thanks for you comment, Mina. Yes, many women find spanking both appealing and helpful to them. It is often the woman who suggests spanking to her husband, not the other way around. It is very integral to her submissive character. I’m very glad you and your husband are seeing the benefits of spanking in your marriage.

  11. Yesterday my husband told me to go to the bedroom and prepare for a spanking of the blue, I had no idea what I had done to earn this spanking and when he asked him he told me that from now on I will to get a maintenance spanking every friday! I think it’s unfair to get spanked when you have done nothing wrong and argued back against it to what my husband responded that perhaps we should reinstate the cane in the toolbox. I didn’t want to argue more then so I made my way to the bedroom and got all the instruments on the bed, undressed and waited. When he later entered he explained that he want me more alert to his needs and in general be more submissive and then he spanked me. He even put me in the corner afterwards and after I had thanked him he put me to bed early for argue back at him previous. Later when he joined me in the bed for the night he explained that this is how it will be from now on, a maintenance spanking on friday evening but if I do something wrong he will still give me a punishment spanking whenever needed also.

    I still think its unfair for him to spank me and put me in the corner on a schedule, but don’t want to argue back again and earn a punishment. We have been married for 1.5 year now and got a spanking less then once a month so this will increase it significantly and not sure how to talk him out of it.

    1. Hello Sandra, This topic comes up sometimes and is a source of much debate among spanking couples. I believe that spanking as training can be useful in some circumstances, but it should not be used without cause, or practiced throughout the course of a marriage. Maintenance is very good when a woman hasn’t got a grasp on how to be submissive or has recurring bad behavior. However, it can also be easily confused with a punishment, and can seem pointless to some. I have used it in the past, but I do not currently use it.

      I would first suggest that your husband certainly has a point in giving your training this way. As he says, it helps in reminding you to be aware of his needs, and of your submissive role Perhaps he was seeing a deficiency in those things, and the motivation is going to help you. Instead of trying to talk your way out of training, the first thing is to do your best to learn what he desires you to learn. Do your best to respond by doing a better job. He is your husband and you need to respect him.

      If you don’t think you benefit from maintenance, and don’t understand the point, there’s nothing wrong with respectfully asking what he wants to achieve. Explain you feel you are doing well in your duties to him, and don’t need weekly reminders of it. He surely will hear you, even if he still thinks you can use them. It is likely he is seeing something he wants you to work on, and perhaps more warning and explanation would help you understand how you need to grow in submission. Like I’ve said, I don’t think training is necessary ongoing for years, but the decision is finally your man’s and you should respect that. Make helping him and pleasing him your goal.

      Feel free to share any other thoughts or questions about your situation, or to write me personally. Take care.

      1. Octavian Avatar

        Sandra, I’m afraid I have to agree with aronhusband on this one. It is simply not your responsibility to determine the fairness of your corrections. Like you, my wife objected to maintenance discipline early in our marriage. I explained to her, verbally and with my belt, that her role is to submit, not to argue. The very fact that wives are so resistant to maintenance is what usually makes it so critically important. You should not resist your discipline in any way — after all, you know that will only result in more serious punishments.
        Of course, the decision is 100% up to your husband, but in his place, I would give you an entire maintenance week. Several daily spankings, mandatory nudity, perhaps some penetrative discipline that would help you focus on what he is telling you.

      2. I have done my best to improve myself for the last four weeks now, both in taking care of the household, my husbands needs and my general behavior. I hadn’t earned any punishment spankings and last friday when he put me in the corner after the maintenance he told me he was very pleased with my behavior and submissiveness to him, that I have changed to the better. I was very happy to hear that and it felt so nice to hear that he appreciates me as his wife and makes him happy. But yesterday when we got to bed and I pleased him he once again told me how good of a wife I was for him, but even if he was pleased with me now he will keep the maintenance in place at least until after Christmas! It came as a shock when I more expect that now that he was happy we would reduce or end it all. He noticed my disappointment and explained that he wants to make sure I stay like this. I do understand his point but it feels hard to have improved so much and still getting the spankings, I didn’t want to upset him more and give him a reason to increase the hardness of it so stopped the discussion at that point.

        1. I understand, Sandra. It’s always a judgment call, and your husband knows how you feel about it. If he’s decided, then do your best to learn from the training, and continue to grow in submission. It’s only for the time being. Consider it discipline to strengthen you into the future.

  12. submissive wife Avatar
    submissive wife

    Sandra,i think your master is fair, I can obviously notice that you still have a rebelious spirit, woman’s role is to submit fully to her husband’s desires ,it’s not a favor or a choice it’s our sacred duty as women
    I agree with octavian and aronhusband , and I really hope your master increases the hardeness of your maintenance sessions ,you deserve it.

  13. Sandra, I also have to agree with the others here.
    It’s not about being “fair” (in a modern, western sense, meaning “equal”). I am not equal to my husband. I am his helpmate, his servant, his obedient, humble wife.
    It’s his decision how he chooses to train me to serve him better. Even if he wants to spank me just because it pleases him or relieves his stress, he’s totally within his right to have me serve by presenting my body to him and take it with submission and grace.
    I’m currently not on regular maintenance discipline, bit do get quite frequent “out of the blue” spankings.
    I reacted similarly to you in the beginning, but my husband told me during one of the first: “When you object to it (even internally), your submission is not deep enough and you desperately need this reminder, when you fully accept the authority of your husband over you and your body, there’s nothing to object to.”

  14. I’m curious if the maintenance spankings have gotten better than you expected? I would imagine you would grow closer together and submission would truly grow deep in your heart. We are just starting out and I suggested weekly maintenance sessions (mostly because I’m honestly a “good” wife but I have rebellion and a bad attitude deep down inside of me that I want to cure). I don’t have a lot of experience yet, so I’m curious if you feel it’s working?

    1. harrymetwho Avatar

      Hi Lynn,
      When my wife and I started this lifestyle, we adopted regular firm maintenance, settling on fortnightly hand spankings where I carefully work through a warm-up before asking that she count, one, thank you, sir, etc… until she finds her tears and then, when beyond that, is in the place that spanking husbands will know as the appropriate time to stop.

      She has now found a balance. A place where we are both able to adopt complimentary roles. There are those that might call me (that dreaded word in DD) inconsistent, but because she, like you, is a good, dutiful, respectful and respected wife, very seldom in need of discipline, we now need less regular maintenance for continued harmony. I do however insist on a weekly declaration of her submission, which I do not consider to be an easy get out for her as I will challenge her declaration and ensure that it is sincere. She may decline before a Saturday morning in the knowledge that it would lead to a wholesale review of our situation, but from the time when she wakes up on a Saturday she knows that she has until midday to look me in the eye and say humbly, “I want to be your submissive wife”. If she does not, she will submit to a hard and prolonged spanking before the weekend is out. Sometimes she leaves it quite late in the morning which adds a little frisson to the day, but she does not forget. She knows that she has given me her consent to spank her, when I feel it necessary, as hard as I feel is needed and as long as I want too! She trusts me and I do not abuse that trust. Maintenance spankings may be months apart but they are firmly applied with up to four hours notice. …And then the magic happens, as has so frequently been alluded to on this site. I would be interested to know Aron’s thoughts on our weekly declaration and if this is used by other couples.

      1. That’s a very good explanation of how it works in your marriage. While I have not used a weekly declaration before, I did formerly have my wife do a weekly review, which was a non-spanking session. It involved going over her responsibilities, what she had fulfilled, and how her attitude had been. It naturally included that she express her desire to serve and submit to me. It also zeroed in on a lot of particulars, and helped her remember if there was something she had failed to do. I thought it was useful, but ceased because of the time involved.

      2. Harrymetwho,
        This makes so much sense and really resonates with me. I am easily able to make my outward behavior be fairly perfect, but it’s my inward attitude that often needs an adjustment. For my husband to ask me every Saturday to say, “I want to be your submissive wife” would require me to show my true colors. I would not be able to fake that. And honestly, if I can’t say it because I am angry or feeling disrespectful, well, I deserve the spanking.

        I thank for you sharing what works in your marriage and I will share this with my husband. The idea of this gives me a slight stomachache and sense of dread, which I think is a good indication that it will be effective for me!

      3. obeysubmit Avatar

        Dear Harrymetwho,
        I’ve heard of love declaration but I’ve never heard of submission declaration, what a wonderful ritual .

  15. When we began our journey last September it was because of my research and request. I was confused, stressed, overwhelmed and was becoming ill as a result. Initially, I read some of the articles to my husband. Since then, he has delegated research to me and will listen to new information and integrate it into his personal processing of this new aspect of his role. At first I felt like it gave me control of the situation and later realized I can’t do anything without him! He delegates, decides how to implement the plan, and I submit. He works upwards of 12 hours a day, everyday, except Sunday and there is still work to be done between services. He is willing to carry out our mission but after we discussed and set our expectations, on designated evenings, he accepts my acknowledgment of his authority and leadership, acceptance of whatever discipline and punishment he decides and my gratitude for his guidance, trust and provision of all husbandly efforts, in several more words than that.

    We began this in an effort to help me become more self-disciplined in my household responsibilities and other health commitments I needed to take seriously. I keep up with failed commitments and received bi-weekly discipline when I’m not self-disciplined in those areas. I also self report “destructive behaviors which can harm our relationship or home”. Those are worthy of punishment during those same bi-weekly sessions. Those humbling “rewards” are provided this often to help the training process. I hope to progress to weekly very, very soon, for obvious reasons!

    We have a specific ritual and the discipline and punishment sessions are separated by his shower. Before we begin, I shower and lay out all implements and wait for him to sit on the bed. I give my profession as described above and apologize, and then accept my discipline. Once those rewards are provided, he showers and I am left to reflect on my upcoming punishment, if due. I then repeat my profession, apologize specifically for destructive behaviors and accept my punishment. He Implements the process of implement selection, force, session length as he deems necessary and appropriate for the behavior. He may also include anything he noted since the last session that has not already been addressed. While I have always been submissive in some ways, I have had much control at home by necessity, which is a tough balancing act. While he cannot punish everything at once as I adjust, we are making strides and his verbal expectations along with this process are working on my heart and mind. He sees changes and I certainly feel them in more ways than one.

    1. Hello Demhi, That’s very interesting to learn how discipline works in your marriage. Taking the time to research and process how discipline should work for your marriage is a good serious approach. Often couples who are new to discipline learn in a short time that way, and even change their views entirely about how marriage should work. Congratulations to you both on your progress together.

      I think there is a lot of value in the conditional bi-weekly maintenance. It’s not too heavy, but it keeps you accountable. I appreciate the seriousness you take towards improving your own behavior, and the willingness to accept correction. That simple attitude alone makes a marriage work much better and become more joyful. It will also help you in your own growth if you continue. I think you will see more positive change in your marriage.

      Since you are fairly new, expect there to be some adjustments to how things work, and a few changes when something doesn’t work well. It sounds like your husband takes it seriously, and will be a firm, loving guide for you in the future.

Leave a Reply