It’s important to remember that the goal of the discipline you deliver, much like the goal of your loving and leading every day is to make her a better person. Discipline takes care of the harsher edge of that, but it is keeping in line with the great love you have for her, and your responsibility as her husband. Spanking in marriage is simply a tool in marriage. It is not a game. it is not a chance to unleash negative emotions. It is a teaching tool in leading her in growth. She grows in godliness and virtue. You are her teacher and her protector. You do your best to make sure that growth takes place, and protect her from things that could harm it.
You are looking to better your wife. As a husband this takes place in so many ways. It is in your leading the home devotionals. It is in the example you set for her in your own submission to God. It is in instructing her in the faith and setting godly standards for the home. where standards of holiness and ethics need to be set, you set them. You also protect her from wicked influences, be it the fashions and trends of the day, or false teachers professing to be Christian. Many women who were raised to be godly fell off the path, and this has been in part because of bad teachers who lead women into feminism and rebellion. Many of these women were raised the right way, and learned rightly from their parents or a previous pastor of a church, but they picked up a book by a fashionable “minister” and were led into absurd theological beliefs and female independence. You protect your woman from this. You do not allow those things in your home, be they books, music, or videos. You give her good food for the soul, that will help her grow as a godly woman, according to what the Bible teaches.
You are bettering your wife in doing her role in the home. Your leadership and discipline help to keep her doing her duties and fulfilling responsibilities, either ones she has regularly, or the ones you give her. You have oversight over her work in the home and projects for the children and need to make sure they are done and done right. You also nurture her right attitude, both her regular devotional life, and in her submission to you as the lord of the home. Her following you reflects the people of God following Christ. She should be showing you honor and obedience, and not disregard your leadership over her.
You make sure she avoids bad habits, and harmful behaviors. You watch out for her this way. Whether it is a problem with laziness, or neglectfulness, or bad mouth, you lead her out of it. You instruct her. You set limits. You punish her when needed. All of your forms of leadership contribute together. They help to shape her together, mind and soul. They help her see your love of her, your knowledge of her, your command. You are her loving overseer. You should know and understand her, be familiar with her weaknesses, and seek to help her.
The contribution you make with discipline, is in setting firm limits when they need to be set. Spanking reminds her where the bounds are, and it also reminds her of the grave wrong of her behavior. It helps her see that wrong starkly and want to avoid it. Just as the Lord chastises us, you chastise her, not out of a desire for her destruction, but a desire to refine her, and build her up in the long run. You refine her. You train her. She may have ended up over your knee for a terrible failure, but coming out of it, will be wiser and stronger.
If her pride rises up, it is good that she spends time being humbled, and a good spanking is quite humbling. You will find a bad attitude can dissipate over your knee. She will experience that difference and be relieved she is free of it. If she thinks to dismiss your rules and your commands, the sting you give her reminds her the importance of your lead. It reminds her of her place beneath you. She then returns to where she has much more comfort. Spanking always reminds her of the greater harm of her behavior, if it was to continue in the long run, and its ugliness before God. That fire on her bottom is a picture of how awful it is.
That is all part of the learning process. It aids your words, your gentle instruction, the food for the soul you give her daily. Her softened soul will be at greater peace with you afterward. She will walk in harmony with you. Most of this culture sees a wife being disciplined as a crime nearly on par with murder. But they are drunk and high on their own philosophies. A wife being disciplined is an expression of your love and leadership. It is an aid to her growth. I believe a husband should be prepared to firmly discipline his wife when she needs it, when she has misbehaved, and also that he cares for her soul in every other way — as our Lord looks after us. You lead her, love her, and correct her.
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