Leadership Like Christ

You will find that the man’s leadership of his wife parallels the leadership that the Lord Jesus practices toward His people. This is one of the ways marriage manifests the divine, just as it does in expressing His love and His sacrifice. Marriage is in abundant ways a picture of the Savior. We see that the man carries authority, he protects his special chosen one, comforts her, commands her, and keeps her from evil.

1: He Has Authority   Like Christ, the man is the rightful ruler. Christ has all authority in heaven and on earth, and is the head of the Church. The man bears authority as well, which gives him the right to rule, to administer justice, and he does this as a regular part of his role for the good of his wife and home. He is head over all his domain. The woman submits to her husband as the Church — and every believer — submits to Christ, that is in obedience as to our King. We do it as part of working toward the same cause — which is the good of the Gospel and holiness.

2. He Chooses her to himself   Like Christ, the man chooses a single woman to love — just as Christ has only ONE Church, so a man has only one wife. Just as Christ separates His special people from the world to bring her to Him, the man takes his wife from the world, from her family and friends, from what is ordinary and common, and takes her to his home and under his wing. He gives her a special place in his heart and a godly home in the world. He delivers her from the sea and the storm of destruction. As the Christ delights in His Bride, his wife is his singular delight for the rest of his life.

3. He Washes her Pure   Just as Christ washes the Church in the Word of God, cleansing her continually, the head of the home — as instructed in Ephesians 5 — washes his wife also in the Word, in godly teachings, in prayer, in daily devotions to God. He leads her in growing in her holiness and virtue as a woman and child of the King. He leads her to grow in virtue and modesty, and to follow the godly calling for the wife in Scripture. His own washing by the Holy Spirit pours over her, and she can also see by his living for the spirit that she can easily follow him in the spirit as well.

4. He Protects Her   Just as Christ protects His people from evil, so the man protects his wife. This can be as simple as giving her a safe place to live, or making sure that he takes care of the heavy work and dangerous work of the household. It could mean he protects the family from a dangerous intruder. It also involves spiritual protection, as the husband makes sure his wife is not influenced by false teachings or by occult influences, which especially endanger women. He protects her from the flood of the world, the trends, the sensuality, the ugly language, and all the filth. He gives her a place good and pure.

5. He Comforts Her   As Christ provides peace and comfort to His Church, the man provides the same for his wife. Through giving her a home, making sure she has all that she needs he manifests the savior in His greater provision of is. He also provides his wife emotional comfort and stability, through the assurance of his love and his thoughtful attention to her. He seeks to calm her fears. She knows he is trustworthy and will always be there for her. He provides her needs, and some of her wants, which bring her much delight.

6. He Commands Her   The man like Christ commands his beloved. He is the head of the home as Christ is the head of the ark we call the Church. A man commands his wife in giving her work to do in the home and providing oversight of her own projects. The man makes rules and standards in the home that she obeys. He makes sure the home upholds spiritual and ethical purity, and is a place of safety and of growth. When he desires or needs her help, he calls on her and she responds with her loving, and heartfelt obedience.

7. He Corrects Her   The man corrects his wife and chastises her when she needs such guidance. Like the Lord, who chastises His people as a loving father does, and who even promises the saints chastisement upon His return, the man has authority to discipline his errant wife. The husband can punish her for her misdeeds; both to teach her the seriousness of her wrong, and her need to practice obedience. Correction can be as simple as verbal instruction, or as severe as a spanking, which will burn for a while, but will not leave her injured. It is loving and for her long-term good.

Even a husband who does not embrace the practice I teach here, of wife spanking, should be sure that he has a discipline system in place. He will find he needs to use it. Not having a discipline system allows things to fall into disorder, allows the husband to be openly disrespected, and if neglected too long, allows his wife to simply take charge. This satanically reverses the order of marriage, which expresses a picture of man placing himself above God. Husbands must correct their wives.

It’s not really a question of if you will need to use discipline, but of when you will need to use it. Even a godly woman, who is generally submissive, can drift into ignoring her man’s words, or being neglectful of her duties. She may forget to show respect for her man if he does not really command it. I say especially to those men who are skeptical of spanking their wives, that at the minimum they better have another effective discipline system in place. It needs to work. I believe spanking is significantly more effective than other methods, but you do not have to agree.

Your life is in imitation of Christ, dear brothers. In marriage, and in discipline, you are united with Him. Your praise of your wife, and your correction of your wife, both come from the same place of love — the divine treasure of our Lord. Make all you do an expression of the One who loves and saves us, and who has all authority to rule in heaven and on earth.


22 responses to “Leadership Like Christ”

  1. […] God’s economy everything in the lives of His saints is for the good, and so it should be in a husband’s economy as well. His aim and purpose is toward his wife’s growth and protection, and the good of the […]

  2. […] the aspect of leadership alone is robust. A husband’s leadership for his wife includes many areas. He leads in home worship, prayer, and Bible study. He sets […]

  3. […] The man’s headship is the same as any other, and biblically is paralleled with the headship of Christ and of God. He’s got real authority and can wield […]

  4. […] and in her submission to you as the lord of the home. Her following you reflects the people of God following Christ. She should be showing you honor and obedience, and not disregard your leadership over […]

  5. […] be nearly as common among Christians as among non-believers, something truly wicked, since marriage to the Christian is a little picture of salvation. I want everyone to have what is good. Despite the cynicism and […]

  6. […] is rooted in a true union of bodies and souls. it is modeled after the union of Christ and His chosen people. It is rich, deep, and full of warmth every day. Man and wife truly desire […]

  7. […] man leading his wife should never forget that leading her in marital life and leading her in the marriage bed are united […]

  8. […] there because you don’t like what someone did or they upset you. It is useful tool in the strong, loving leadership of the man of the home. The husband is the head and is responsible for his wife under him; for […]

  9. […] They also gave me the opportunity to explain things important to her, both about my love and my leadership. Later she went upstairs, prepared herself to spanked, and put herself over my […]

  10. […] your leadership more regularly, NOT just in spanking her. It may be that you need to practice more daily guidance of her — giving her clear instructions, guiding her growth spiritually, giving regular verbal […]

  11. […] submission in action. Headship and submission is not all about harsh correction or spanking, but is your leadership and her yielding. Much of the time this amount to feeding her with guidance and praise, or a simple […]

  12. Sophia Avatar


    I’ve always believed that a wife should love her husband as she loves Christ, and submit to him in all things. He, in turn, must command her as the head of their home. Your biblical arguments comparing a good husband to Christ are well-constructed, and I’m tempted to share them with my pastor. I recently confessed to his wife my desire for domestic discipline, mistakenly concluding from a sermon on the virtues of submission to God that they practiced DD. Though my pastor is often stern with his wife, I was disappointed to discover that they do not practice wife spanking, and now they both want me to receive therapy before I become involved with a man of like mind. Little do they know how difficult that has proved to be. I have never been spanked by a lover, aside from a half-hearted smack here and there, and I intend to remain unmarried until I meet a man who can fulfill me body and soul.

    1. Sophia, I am sorry to hear that news. Spanking is not something commonly shared about, and receives a lot of thoughtless criticism, including sadly from Christians. If your pastor has responded this way, you will have to continue to look for a good husband while ignoring their misguided criticisms. You do not need therapy. A desire for leadership, and discipline, is normal, beneficial, and common. It is not in conflict with love, but is a legitimate expression of it. Don’t be discouraged. Pastors are right about some things, and they’re wrong about others. God bless.

      1. Sophia Avatar

        Aron, your encouraging words mean so much!

    2. I know Sophia ended up happily married (congratulations Sophia!)
      But in case anyone else finds themselves being told to get therapy, it might be helpful to share that if one googles “kink aware counselors” there are plenty of counselors who have that label, who would find spanking to be perfectly normal. While they might think all manner of messed up sexual practices to be normal too, at least if someone needs someone to vouch for their own normalcy they could probably see one of those folks.
      Sophia, are you at the same church? Did you have to get counseling to get married? How did it all work out? And how did you find your man? 🙂
      At any rate, congratulations again.

      1. It would be very hard to find a good, Christian counselor to begin with. However, finding one who accepts marital discipline would be even harder. Some people do have a network of friends where they can discuss these things in person, or in a small group.

        While I’m sure there are some counselors who accept spanking in marriage, finding a counselor through a simple search online would easily bring up many who do not know what Christian marriage is to begin with, so for that reason would be far riskier.

        The best thing to do is just trust in the Word of God. It will often mean you have to ignore what other Christians tell you as well.

  13. We as women as expected to obey our husbands as we obey Christ.
    Our husbands can teach us so much that we fail to understand by their commands and correction when needed.
    We are so lucky that our husbands chose us to be their wife, and even luckier that we live under their control. They will not allow us to stray from the correct path.

    1. Thanks for your comment and advice to other women. I’m sure your husband appreciates how highly you honor him.

  14. Deserving Avatar

    Thank you so much for your emphasis on Godly marriages who follow Christ . Wife spanking gets a bad rap sometimes. It seems to be associated more with BDSM which in my view diminishes the affect of proper wife training, spanking, and submission. It feels seedy and crude rather than the beautiful thing that it is. No offense, just my humble opinion.

    Sometimes I feel like people who say they follow this lifestyle just want to get off on sexual acts and are not in truly Biblical marriages. The focus isnt where it should be- the man leading his wife to be submissive and pleasing to God for the betterment of all.

    Wife spanking and sex are essential to Godly marriages, but not for their mere act alone. Both of these amazing acts have specific reasons as to why they MUST be at the forefront of marriage under man’s leadership. Women know their place – and men and their wives can live fruitfully in the Kingdom of God and follow the teachings in the Bible. I love that you specifically quote many of the teachings that prove this is Gods plan for marriage.

    This is what drew me to your website. This isn’t just a lifestyle that someone made up to “get their rocks off”. It is very clearly explained in the Bible. It is the TRUTH. Not an opinion left to the perspective of those who read it.

    1. You’re welcome, Deserving. I agree, spanking can attract some people who are in it for the wrong reasons. But I think they will have the chance to see the bigger picture in the future. It’s not a spanking relationship, or a master servant relationship. It’s only a tool in a godly marriage, which is always headed by the man.

      Once that element of male leadership is there, it does get easier to see other truths as well in terms of how we are to live in God’s will. Headship and submission is the rightly ordered relationship. I definitely care for this website to point men and women to those greater truths. Marriage itself is a picture of salvation.

      1. Deserving Avatar

        Amen to that. I’ve never thought of it the way you put it- “it’s not a spanking or master/servant relationship- those are tools once the man takes the lead – and Marriage is a picture of salvation”.

        I hope more men and wives will see it that way with headship and submission in order the way God commands.

  15. Sweet Heather! I never saw your comment until today, when my husband and I decided to reread this post as we prepare our hearts for Easter worship. I am so thankful to have married a Christ-like man, and I have blossomed under his loving care. He guides and protects me, but as is also his duty, he commands and corrects me, cleansing me of any wrong doing before it ever has a chance to harm our marriage.

    To answer your questions, yes, my husband and I still attend the same church. I was deeply embarrassed by my pastor’s reaction to my honesty, and I did my best to convince him and his wife that I had misunderstood. I avoided therapy, as I didn’t believe I needed it. When my husband and I began dating, they were clearly relieved that I had not gone down the road to depravity, and instead had found myself a good Christian man. They encouraged and blessed our union, and our desire for traditional roles in marriage did not cause any concern. They had seen my husband, a tall, reserved, “gentle giant” struggle to find happiness with outspoken girls (both within and outside of our church) who didn’t give him the respect he deserved. He joined a men’s Bible study which helped him to see that he needed a woman who was not only Christian, but devoted to becoming a true helpmeet to her husband. He wanted a godly wife and not a partner. At the same time, I turned away from the bad boy types I had been pursuing because I was craving authority and looking for it in all the wrong places. I gave over my search for love to God, and accepted a date with a man the polar opposite of those I usually dated. Soon, I discovered his quiet strength and unwavering determination to serve God. He saw how easily I deferred to him without feeling the need to argue or take control. As our love deepened, we fell into the highly traditional roles we both wanted, and my pastor never raised another concern. Secretly, I continued to hope that my future marriage would also include discipline, and as a result of this blog, I believed it might be possible. I found the courage to share these thoughts with my man before we were wed, but I knew that my fate rested in his hands alone. He agreed to give it some thought, and I married him not knowing whether it would ever become a reality, only knowing that I was his and that he would always give me what I needed. Placing myself utterly in his hands was both exhilarating and terrifying, but it was the best decision I ever made.

    We do sometimes smile to think of how shocked our pastor and his sweet wife would be to know that I am indeed, getting those spankings I knew I needed, laid out over the knee of the man they were so happy for me to marry. I am forever grateful that we listened to God and our own hearts and were not embarrassed into silence. From the beginning, we’ve been honest with each other about our needs and what works for our marriage. Though I don’t enjoy spankings (as I once thought I would), we both know that my husband’s care of me would be incomplete without them, and our marriage would have suffered as a result. He does truly care for me as Christ cares for His Church, and I love him for it.

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