It’s keen to notice that even those who are accepting of wife spanking tend to think it’s useful only for surly women, or for those who otherwise love it. A man considering spanking for his marriage may think the same way — if she’s got bad attitude I will use it, if not, forget it. Then he may dismiss spanking if he marries a gentler and less rebellious woman. We almost automatically imagine some brash lady who gives her husband lip, or who comes home hours late as the test case for a good whipping. This kind of thinking can lead to a misjudgment, and a bad decision, based on a narrow view of discipline. That’s because spanking is very useful in marriage, even for the more obedient wives.
One reason it is helpful for more naturally submissive women is that they also get out of their place, even if they do it in less open and bold ways. As a husband and leader to a meek wife, one who is that way by her personality and upbringing, I can attest to that tendency. A woman who openly respects her husband, and does not raise her voice to him, can slip into ignoring his instructions anyway, or being argumentative, or uncooperative in a quieter manner. She may just ignore what he says. She may treat his words as something she can put off until convenient. She has the outward manner of respect and obedience, but sometimes slips into bad behavior anyway.
Spanking proves useful in these situations, and for wives of this character. Quietly slipping into independence and disobedience is just as wrong as open rebellion and disrespect. It may be less explosive and harmful in the moment, but in the long run it can lead to a breakdown, and it leads to the man being disobeyed. As I have told my wife several times when she is over my knee being corrected, you cannot simply tell me — yes, yes — to be submissive. Submissive means you hear my words and obey. It doesn’t matter how nicely you speak, you need to obey your husband. It’s a lesson she’s had to receive through punishment, and which I’ve also seen her learn from quickly. Her overall strength in being submissive has never meant she doesn’t need to learn some lessons, or does not benefit from discipline.
If you know enough couples, you will likely find there are gentle and sweet wives who are quite independent from their husbands. Ones who give their husband’s will little care, nor defer to their husbands regularly. How did that happen if they are so meek naturally? Well, much of the time, it happened because the husband was not clearly leading them, or disciplining them when they did wrong. Over time, they lacked his strength and spiritual leadership, and absorbed some pretty awful things, the first of which was that their husband did not need real respect and obedience. They might also have learned poor values and behavior from others, since their husband was not monitoring that.
Absorbing impurity is another arena in which a lack of discipline can affect the less rebellious kinds of women. For example, of all the gentler women you meet who happen to practice immodesty, lewdness, bad language, the occult, or who take male roles rather than female ones in church, you can be assured there has been little discipline from their husbands. They might not have started out with those practices, but their husbands either did not lead them or did not punish them for their wrongs to correct their behavior. So quietly, and without loud rebellion, they took on those and other terrible behaviors. Quieter women need the protection and guidance that spanking can provide just as surly ones do. Any woman can drift to the right or to the left of how a Christian wife should live, and the husband needs to set the guard rails.
I don’t want to make it sound like your wife is just a terrible person. I’m sure she is not, and is sincerely trying to live her faith. But she needs your leadership and protection in doing so. Anyone can be tempted by pride. Rebellion is not only marked by direct disobedience or insults to a husband. It is marked by passive disobedience, by not doing your job, and by drifting out of your rightful role and rightful work. All of these things gentle women can be tempted to do, even if they are well behaved most of the time. Do not underestimate the power of your hand on your wife’s bottom — it both punishes wrong, and more deeply reminds her of her place, safely and peacefully, under your authority. Spanking will help submissive women to be submissive, even those who already desire to do so.
I recommend that any husband keep spanking on the table as an option in marriage. That does not mean he has to use it, but he should know he can if he needs to. He might choose other forms of discipline also. He simply should not disregard spanking. In over fifteen years of marriage I have never regretted introducing it, which I did from the beginning. I have a godly and respectful wife, and it is my role to encourage her in that, and keep her that way. Her values were not always as strong as they are now. She has had other temptations working on her over the years, and influences from friends when she was younger. I am the strongest influence on her life, and I will continue to be for as long as we live. You can be confident that spanking helps a gentler woman improve.
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