Thank You for the Spanking, Sir

It is natural and common after a spanking for husbands to expect their wives to thank them for the correction they’ve just received. This is a simple verbal — thank you, sir — that she can express her gratitude with. You will find that this is the norm in many homes, but also that some don’t require it. The opponents of a verbal thank you insist that it might not be sincere, and that the head of home should only expect a fully sincere expression of thanks. While I understand the importance of sincerity, I believe the verbal thank you can be of help in her submission, and is also appropriate to the situation. Not all of our Thank You’s in life anywhere are sincere, but we say them anyway because we know they are deserved; here too, after a correction and with a sore bottom, a thank you fits the situation and is deserved. A wife may learn more as she learns to say it with full sincerity, but either way it is right to say.

I never used to have my wife give a verbal thanks after she got spanked until I learned from other husbands of its use. Like other practices within the punishment session, it helps set the tone of the correction and reinforces headship and submission. It lets both parties know that the spanking was a help and benefit to the wife, and that the wife should be gracious to receive guidance and correction from her husband. A spanking is aid received. If other kinds of aid warrant graciousness, so does this one.

Of course, she is not only thanking her husband for the correction for that one dangerous behavior, but at the same time, for his daily guidance and leadership of her. She is thanking him for being her head, caring about her behavior, and keeping her on the rails, with his words and actions. Just as a spanking session punishes the offense and also reinforces a woman’s submission, the thank you shows appreciation for the punishment and also for the constant leadership. It reinforces the work the husband does daily, and the submission she must show daily.

Many wives will find it difficult to mouth the words “thank you” after being spanked thoroughly. This is especially true if it has hurt a lot and if there are still tears in her eyes. But it can help her to learn to say it, and know why she says it. Those simple words affirm her man’s place in correcting her, and that she desires to learn from correction. That soreness on her bottom was of benefit. My wife had some trouble saying thank you to me when I first began the tradition, but over time she finds it easier. In part, that is because I take the time to explain what it is for, including reminding her that I take time and effort to teach her, I care about her improvement, and I take time out of my evening to give her thoughtful correction. It is a work revolving around her improvement, and for the good of the whole home. It’s not hard for her to wrap her head around that, so even in the moment when she’s still burning on the behind, she says it much easier today. While it’s fine to make this a requirement after any discipline, for this reason it’s also good to explain what it means and why. That will be a part of her growth.

Some wives are required to say thank you DURING the discipline, not only after. This may be the archetypal: “thank you sir, may I have another” after each stroke of the paddle, or a similar phrase. She may also have to affirm her better behavior after each stroke too. While I have never practiced this in my home, I can see where it also fits in, and reinforces her position and learning from the spanking. Not only does she need to repeat her graciousness with each stroke, but the pain of the spanking and her words go together each time, which communicates her full acceptance and appreciation of his loving guidance. She honors each stroke of the punishment. She affirms it is for a loving purpose with each stroke. This variety of thank you has its own challenges, as it may become harder to speak during the spanking itself, as the pain of each stroke and the tears make it difficult. However, as wives who are required to say it would tell you, they learned to do it, and would have been punished for not learning. It takes self-control, but that’s a good skill to have.

We are used to being gracious for things that bring us pleasure, and are comfortable. That is in our mind and programming. Yet we know that things which amount to suffering can also be for our benefit. We know that just as God refines his saints through challenges, and through punishments, a husband refines his wife as well. Pleasure that caused us to grow comfortable and fall into sin is nothing to be grateful for. Pain that caused us to turn from pride and give up sinful behavior IS something to be grateful for. In God’s economy everything in the lives of His saints is for the good, and so it should be in a husband’s economy as well. His aim and purpose is toward his wife’s growth and protection, and the good of the household. So those moments a wife has to struggle through a spanking, or struggle with not wanting to receive it, are good for her and teach her. If that’s not worth being grateful for, I don’t know what is. It is through suffering, that we gain great rewards.


14 responses to “Thank You for the Spanking, Sir”

  1. And it is easier for her to say thank you after the cuddling and reassurance of being forgiven. Which is as important, in my book, as the spanking, .Forgiveness is the corner stone of Christianity.

    1. That’s a good point, and I definitely think it is easier for her when left to the end. That is what I generally do. The forgiveness and restoration at the end should mimic those that we find in Christ. The challenge, though, I think will always be saying “thank you” for real hardship and for a punishment, since that goes so much against the grain of our thinking. You might say the forgiveness helps to put that all in context.

  2. […] energy to discipline his wife. He may want a sign of her appreciation, along with a verbal “thank you, sir.” She may also need to pleasure him to show what her new and better attitude will be. It is […]

  3. In the event that the wife feels the punishment was unfair, that her side was not really listened to, or that the spanking crossed the lines to become cruelty or far to severe for the mistake I think forcing a Thank you teaches her to lie or even worse teaches her to lie and pretend to avoid more or more severe punishment. It will destroy the trust in the relationship. Ideally, no punishment will be meted out unless both partner agree to it but in the event it is needful for some reason, please don’t pore salt into the wound you have already made in the fabric of your marriage in destroying her trust in this way. This will lead to long simmering anger that will eventually boil over as well as a virulent and destructive kind of bitterness.

    1. Thank you for your comment, Grammy. There is some fair debate to be had about requesting or requiring a “thank you” after a spanking. Some say it is right regardless if she means it, since a spanking is always for her benefit anyway. Others say it would need to be sincere, so should not be required. In the case a wife feels a discipline was unjustified, she usually has a chance to voice that opinion at some point in the process.

      Discipline in most marriages I have heard about does not require explicit consent for each spanking, but rather contains explicit consent for the nature of the relationship along with the discipline. A submissive wife understands that she does not get to choose when she is spanked or not.

      Take care.

    2. I must say I am forced to agree with Grammy. I agree that you gave your consent when you said “I do”, but personally most of the time I did not agree with punishments I received, and was more miserable after them. Fortunately I was not required to say “thank you”. I think that would have absolutely killed me and killed any desire to keep on trying to work on the marriage. But I have a very unique situation that is not as Aron describes, so that is a consideration here.

      But I do think it is a bit of an overstep to require a “thank you”. I think it will naturally come, spoken or unspoken, as the lifestyle is lived out lovingly.

  4. […] affirms her better attitude you will be seeing in the future. It allows her to show you her gratefulness for the guidance you give […]

  5. I say thank you Sir after each spank, no matter if hand, crop or paddle.
    After spanking I thank him for the correction telling him how much I needed the spanking and how grateful I am to receive it.
    I always tell him how much I love him and how grateful I am for dd in our marriage.
    No matter how sore I may be, I think we need to realise that we as wives are lucky that he corrects us and trains us to be properly behaved wives.

  6. Expressing gratitude to my husband for punishing me is very important, and he certainly deserves it, given the patience and forgiveness he never fails to grant me. I do find it hard, though, to feel that gratitude in the moment or even in the hours immediately afterward, when I am still tearful and very sore. My emotions are just too overwhelming. Thankfully, my man does not require me to thank him between spanks (let alone ask for more), but he has begun to expect it during our post-spanking reflections together. I say the words out of obedience, but I find it hard to feel them in my heart until I’ve had time to process his lesson and find the courage to take full responsibility for my actions.

    What I feel in the moment is fear and dread. And mostly I’m just very, very sorry. At first, I’m just sorry for myself for getting paddled. It hurts, and I want to do anything to avoid it. Knowing I can’t makes me cry hot, childish tears. But that is quickly joined by sorrow for making my husband angry. I love him and want to please him, so when I tell him I’m sorry during my spanking, I truly do mean it. I call him sir and answer his questions respectfully, but when I’m bracing myself for the next stinging smack, I’m just not processing much more than the thought that I would do anything to take back whatever I did that landed me bottoms up and squealing. Surely that’s the whole point in a man spanking his wife.

    Afterwards, I want his love and I want redemption. I am very sorry and will tell him so repeatedly, but it’s really only in the days to come that I begin to fully understand why I was punished and how I have benefitted from my husband’s oversight. If he spanked me because I was directly disobedient – if I said a curse word or disrespected him in public – I would know I was wrong right away, and that the spanking was my comeuppance. My husband’s refinement of me has been more subtle, though, and there’s been far more for me to learn. It takes time and reflection, and his continued guidance, to understand why I actually needed him to punish me. Then I can see how he’s made me better, and that’s the point where true gratitude fills my heart. Usually, I thought I was trying to do the right thing, but pride or vanity or emotion clouded my judgement. Often, there were instructions or even warnings that I didn’t respect as I should have. I am a new wife who is learning. I’ve been humbled by how often my behavior has required correcting, but I am truly, truly grateful to have the opportunity. I know our marriage is better for it.

    Having said all of that, I can tell you that if my dear husband walked into this room right now with his belt out, telling me to bend over, I would not feel thankful. I would feel fear, I would cry, and I might, as I sometimes do, try to talk my way out of it. In the moment, I wouldn’t care about being made better in the long run. I feel like that makes me sound weak and sinful, but I’m only human. I would bend over, though, take my punishment as best I could, and thank him for it, too. Later, when the pain has finally softened my ego enough to listen to him, I can thank him with my full heart and not just my mouth.

  7. The first time my husband decided to try disciplining me again after many years of not doing so, I was literally overwhelmed with gratitude. I felt like things had been so out of kilter for so long, even though in many ways we had a “good” and close relationship, but with that spanking I felt what I can only describe as the peace of the Lord in my heart and immediately felt we had crossed over some bridge from a land that was wild and full of dangers, to a place of redemption and safety. There was such a sense of rightness that I can barely express, all I could do when he was finished was to curl up in a ball of all of that feeling of relief of something I hadn’t even known was so wrong suddenly being made so right… And I just said “thank you” over and over and over again to him as the waves of relief and peace washed over me.
    It doesn’t always feel that way. Sometimes I feel nothing at all except my sore bottom. But I make it a point to remember to thank my husband as soon as he is finished with my bottom. Discipline is such a gift. His authority enacted for real is such a gift. The fact that he wants to discipline me and wants to train me now is such a gift. My husband does not always require me to thank him, but I have made a promise to myself that I always will. I know what it is like to live without discipline, as I refused him one time several years ago and he refused to spank me ever again from then until recently. I never want to be undisciplined ever again. I will always thank him lest he turn aside again from me in this way, I promised myself to receive every ounce of his painful instruction as a cup well worth drinking with gratitude.

    I was disciplined last night. He is becoming more certain of the rightness of spanking me and less afraid to make it hurt, and thus my bottom is becoming more scoured. When it was over, I quickly reminded myself to push embarrassment and pain aside to express my thanks again. I was so surprised at his reply, “Do you still love your husband?”

    Ug, gut wrenching! With all my heart, I replied, “I do love my husband! I love you even more because you chasten me, not less. Please don’t ever stop.”

    He promised me that he wouldn’t. And he reaffirmed that he expects my submission.

    And I told him, “Thank you for requiring that from me.”

    And we snuggled in and went to bed. It is so often us wives that ask for this way of life, it’s easy to forget though all a husband has to get past to stand strong in the courage and resolve to live so counter culturally. “Thank you” seems an especially important phrase in that light.

  8. Margret Avatar

    I have to say “thank you sir for punishing me” right before I give him the “proper thank you” of a blow job. I don’t like saying thank you and I don’t like giving the blowjob but if my husband read these comments he would say I don’t care if it’s sincere or if you think the punishment was unfair or if you like, it it’s part of the process and it is non negotiable.

    1. Thanks for your comment. Many husbands are like that. If I expect my wife to “say thank you,” as I sometimes do, I want her to learn to express that gratitude, even if she does not feel like it. It takes humility, and that alone teaches something. She used to give head grudgingly after getting spanked, but has eased into the practice better, and does a very good job.

      1. Deserving Avatar

        Hi Aron.

        I know you’ve mentioned the thank you blow job over the years but I think it would be a great article on its own.

        I too begrudgingly acted on this requirement. But I grew to understand its importance.

        It wasn’t until my husband decided it was necessary to talk about it with me in detail that I realized why it was necessary for discipline in our marriage. He helped me understand the significance of being on my knees, receiving him in this way, and linking it to gratitude for him that I was fulfilling my purpose in God’s Kingdom. We began praying for my acceptance of this special act of service and to know why it’s not only necessary for my husbands leadership but beneficial for me as a wife.

        I know every marriage is different, but if people heard your take on it, it might help them.

        Just a thought. Thanks for listening.

        1. Hello Deserving, That’s a very good idea. I do have this one article on sexual service after a spanking, but I could do another one from a different angle:

          Needing to give head after the spanking is not easy at first, as it can be especially humbling, but I would not underestimate its value. A woman who learns to do it in a heartfelt manner will grow the most from it. I’m glad it has helped you so much.


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