Reinforcing Love During Discipline

Authority and submission are what are naturally reinforced during a spanking session, and many husbands have rituals that help to firmly establish them in the mind — the wife’s kneeling posture. Her calling him sir, or a similar term of authority. Her needing to be bare. I’ve written on various ways that sessions commonly emphasize the authority that obviously go along with a spanking. However, spankings also include some mercy in their justice, and you will find there are ways in which the hard-to-bear period reflects tenderness, and the lord’s loving concern for the darling he spanks.

A husband often expresses his tenderness by showing his understanding for his wife’s shame and perhaps her fear as well. Everyone has been punished in some sense before, so at least he can relate to the humbling of it. He expresses that he knows it’s not easy for her, but she is there for a reason, and she should learn from the correction. He calmly explains the ordeal is for her good. It will be hard, but she will be better for it.
A husband also communicates his love for his wife. He may remind her that he never stops loving her, even when he has her over his knee. He is correcting her because of his love, and his concern for her, his concern for the marriage, and the household. He may ask her to affirm that she knows he loves her. My love for you includes the punishment you’re going to receive now, and the message I want you to learn from it, he says. Learn this lesson, and you won’t need to be here again anytime soon.

A husband may give his wife a breather and talk to her when the spanking gets difficult. He is firm, and does not stop spanking her, but he can give her a rest if she’s not enduring it very well. He strokes her skin, or her hair. He may take her hand: I know this is hard — he says — and I know you can make it. You’re my woman and I don’t stop loving you. You’re in my hands. They’re the same hands that hold you and make love to you. I know you don’t want to be here — he explains — but I need to take care of your bad behavior right now. Your man is going to take care of that problem. Then I know I won’t see it again.

A husband shows his tenderness after the spanking as well. That’s not only during the time of restoration, of holding her afterward, but also in letting her sooth her bottom a little with oil or lotion. He can actively help her with after-care, or just let he know she may use it. The burning on her bottom should remain with her for a while, but putting something on it shows mercy, and will make pain less fierce. Like his warm arms, and reassurance of love, it helps her remember he is looking out for her good.

I don’t mean to suggest by any of this description that a discipline session is anything but discipline. No. It has a purpose, and that is to deliver a firm message and a punishment. Its environment and spirit should rightly accentuate the man’s authority and his wife’s subjection. Yet it is natural for tenderness to be present, simply because it is present in all love, and it is present in marriage. It tempers a difficult spanking, and shows the richness and depth of their relationship. It reminds the woman that this is more than mere punishment, and more than mere rule-enforcement — it is loving care for her, her well-being, her behavior, and her growth.

A husband is, through their marriage, looking after all those things day to day. Likewise, he will show his knowledge and care for his wife even as he chastises her. The wife knows that the man who holds her firm and spanks her, is the same one who takes her hand daily and is thoughtful of all of her needs. The hand that caresses her is the hand that spanks her. The spanking session always needs a reminder of love, even if it seems present in the background, because a spanking is always going to be hard to bear.