Leading Her with Words

I emphasize throughout this manual that spanking your wife is only a tool in leading her. It is not what leading is all about. To make spanking the main way of guiding your wife would be imbalanced and leave her wanting. The daily, regular way of leading, and correcting is with words. Words reach her mind, touch her soul, and guide her to your will. That’s one reason I emphasize lecturing during a spanking — to reach her on a level beyond the pain of the discipline, or the fear of it. Verbal guidance is a part of your teaching to her and works together with chastisement.

We can remember that the Lord God uses words to lead His special people, often in great detail, often in command. He spoke to the prophets, and in the case of Moses — face to face. We have the words of the Bible to lead us to do His will and deeply understand His character, obeying them as we obey God. The Savior is called the Word made flesh, being the mind and full expression of the divinity. The Word that makes the unseen real. God can call something by name and it belongs to Him. He spoke words and all of the vast creation sprung into being. We need to know that the greatest power in our leading, and the depth of it, lies in our spoken words.

On a daily basis, you should be communicating your praise, and your confidence in your submissive wife. The work you need her to do, or the instructions you need to give her, do not need to be forceful or threatening in any way. They are simply your gentle instructions to her. They should reflect both what you need her to do, and your character. Everything you say to your helpmate daily is a part of shaping her and helping her grow. It teaches her to know your will and your character, and also to trust in you, and feel comfortable relying on your guidance. You should be aware of every word and its purpose for her. You should speak them with sincere intent of your heart. She is following you and that is how she knows your will.

You further correct your wife with words when you must. Most verbal correction for minor things is gentle. It teaches her where the problem lies, and what she needs to do. It should come with your encouragement, and understanding. When her behavior is more reflective of a poor attitude, or lack of care in her responsibilities, it calls for a firmer correction, or possibly a warning of punishment. I find my wife can respond well to a firm correction, which sometimes comes in the form of a sit-down talk. I will use warnings also, if a problem seems to be escalating. Letting her know she is going to be in trouble if she continues carries power with her. As I can’t stop saying, the sound spankings you give her help these verbal corrections and warnings to be effective. She knows that there is a line she should not step over. She knows that warnings are not vain and that she needs to step away from the edge. I think of all the households with constant friction, fighting, or lack of respect for the husband, and I know that good, clear verbal correction would help much of this go away, just as spankings do. They settle the sea, and help keep a wife in her place.

A good verbal correction can also come with an explanation of what she needs to do to correct the behavior in the future. She might not really have a good idea of how. I gave my wife a verbal correction for raising her voice, and being emotional with me, and I let her know this: if she truly feels she doesn’t have the self-control to speak as soft as she should, the simple thing to do is keep quiet, and wait until a better time to express what she wants in the future. Just keep quiet is the answer. This also gives her time to think about what she will say and decide more wisely. She seemed to understand that, and I know she will try and do it in the future, if her emotions start to take hold.

As with a punishment, you may find that verbal corrections will bring her to tears. Non-spanking guidance can be humbling, and it can be frustrating for her to not get what she wants. So you need to be prepared to correct through tears, as you do when spanking her. Explain firmly, and calmly the way things need to work. That she is under your authority, and you will correct her. She should show that same regret and compliance to you during a verbal correction as she does during a spanking. If you don’t see it, continue to correct her and show her the way. Do not back down. Verbal corrections are not irrelevant, but have significant importance in her learning to yield to you and to submit gently. Be firm with her and do not end until you are satisfied you have corrected her and she’s learned.

Leading a wife with words can also come in the form of a formal session. I will sometimes do a verbal correction which bears similarity to a spanking session. She needs to be undressed, kneeling, and may need to spend time in the corner. She needs to address me as sir. She needs to show that she regrets her behavior, understand how wrong and harmful it is, and is prepared fully to right her behavior in the future. She should be committed to her submission and to reverencing her man. I may punctuate this message by having her write lines about what her future behavior needs to be.

I also use verbal sessions not only for correction, but for review and self-reflection. If I think my wife  needs to be attentive to her role, but is not in need of chastisement, I will have a time with her in which we go over her past week or so — has she taken care of her work, has her attitude been soft and submissive, is there anything she must improve on? I actually let her do much of the talking in this case, so she can look at and explain her own behavior to me. It gives her a chance to regard her own work and check for any problems or need for improvement. She can also examine what she must do in the coming week. I lead this session, but let her explain how she thinks she is doing and what she must improve on. I find this verbal session helps her focus on both practical things such as her responsibilities, as well as the essentials of her attitude, which is her being fully submitted to me.

There is always the question of knowing when it is right to correct with words, and when she needs a spanking. Naturally, much of this is subjective, and comes down to your system and your personal insight. Spankings are best relegated for serious offenses, or repeated ones. Some husbands also use spanking as training when they see it is needed. I would keep verbal correction as a general form of guidance, for minor offenses or when you see she is slipping a little and needs to take her role more seriously. Some behavior is borderline — such as when her speech becomes disrespectful, or when sharing thoughts becomes argument — but you be careful to make that call. Spanking is definitely warranted if a wife is truly stepping out of line, but not all wrong behavior or mistakes reflect a desire on her part to do so.

One of the best things about knowing your power with words, is that it keep the constant dynamic of headship and submission in action. Headship and submission is not all about harsh correction or spanking, but is your leadership and her yielding. Much of the time this amount to feeding her with guidance and praise, or a simple coming aside her and showing her how something needs to be rightly done. It does not need to come with any warning at all. It also comes with an ability to firmly correct her  with words, with a full knowledge of why she has done wrong, and an explanation of how she can do right. She should know you have confidence that she can do it, and will do it for you. She is your wife, and will follow where you lead. Regularly using words to lead her keeps her engaged to your will and remembering her position and role. It keeps her regularly following you, and accepting simple correction of her missteps. She does not forget who is leading, and can learn a greater trust in your together with learning more deeply your care and your love. You should not let spankings do all the work of leadership and correction.

Knowing how much of your leadership comes with language will help you in lecturing your wife when you do need to spank her. Since you have been teaching her, understanding her, seeing her learn over time, a lecture is just a harder and corrective talk during a spanking. It continues where you left off. It will not seem abrupt or out of place. You will also see more clearly how the strap is just a tool in your hand, to assist your words in getting through. It is not the whole of your teaching to her, or the whole of your discipline for her. The humbling, vulnerability, and pain of being spanked are just there to bring power to your words, ones she’s sadly ignored. I like to say you Speak to Her Soul during a spanking. Remember, that is what you are doing with your beloved daily, but now you have assistance in correcting her with the strap. You speak to her ears and you speak to her backside. Your words during a spanking will penetrate more deeply, and stick with her longer. Then she will turn to be more attentive to you daily.

In sum, verbal leading can include:

Daily praise and encouragement

Instructions

Gentle verbal correction
Firm, verbal correction
Warnings of discipline
Non-spanking discipline session

Behavior review and self-reflection

Lecturing during a spanking