What Makes an Effective Spanking

If you are leading your home in discipline, or if you are the one receiving discipline, it is natural to ask if spankings are accomplishing what they’re meant to accomplish. The husband is giving them for a desired purpose. How do you know if a spanking is effective? You might ask that about an individual spanking you give or receive, or about the system of corporal punishment in general. Is it doing the job intended?

Spankings are not a miracle cure for serious problems, but they can be very effective in what they aim to do: that is to punish bad behavior, turn bad behavior and bad attitudes into good ones, as well as deepen and maintain a wife’s submission. These are the main goals of spankings. It is fair to ask yourself if you see these results, and make any changes you need to if you don’t. In my own marriage, I am happy with what I’ve seen from using spanking. Even though my wife was never a difficult to manage woman, I have definitely seen some poor behavior disappear, seen her become more easily corrected, and seen her submission deepen.

Bad behavior and disrespect, to begin with, deserves to be punished. If a spanking for these things is serious and undesirable, it has already done part of its job — to make sure the wife does NOT think she can behave like that without consequences. A spanking for disrespect defends the honor of the man of the household, and lets her know that his position itself deserves respect. A spanking should be something to be feared. It should make a woman want to never repeat it again. It should also let her know the seriousness of her wrong behavior, seriousness which before the spanking she did not want to consider or look at. The harshness of the discipline instills in her how serious bad behavior is.

You will want to look at the spanking itself to see if it is providing a deserved punishment, even before looking at results. I would expect it to bring her to tears, although a few women do have trouble coming to tears. Tears are a sign the punishment is doing its job. I would also expect to see its results on her bottom, meaning at minimum leaving her a bright red, and as I recommend frequently, hard enough to leave her sore the coming day or so. That way it acts as a reminder to her — both through pain and through the bright marks on her bottom. You should consider it effective if you see contrition during and after the spanking. You should see her sorry for what she has done, and see that she can express her desire to do rightly in the future, and her full commitment to you as her head. You cannot always judge sincerity of her words. Yet you should still look for these signs to see that your lecture and strapping is working on her.

We also naturally look to the future to see if a spanking is effective. That is the immediate future and the long-term future. One thing I expect to see after a spanking, once my wife has calmed down, is peace, and stillness from her. She is soft to me, and easily responds to my voice. There is no resistance from her. I usually see this period extent into the coming days after I’ve spanked her. When the spanking her been for neglecting her duties, I can also see it’s been effective when she gets to her work and takes care of what I told her to do. What she had put off gets done immediately. Along the same lines, you ought to expect that she does anything you have told her to do as you lectured her. A spanking should furthermore leave her feeling submissive, and soft to you. Many women will admit that a spanking puts them in a much more submissive place, and there is a great peace from the storm that came before. That feeling, along with the right actions, is a sign it was effective.

The long-term good of the spanking is also an effect to look at. Is the wife meek, respectful, and obedient to her husband? Is there peace daily in the marriage? Does she know how to speak to him softly? Maintaining submission in the long term is a part of what spanking accomplishes. As I say elsewhere, spankings help make verbal guidance and verbal correction much more effective as well. One way I know my spankings do their job is that my wife takes seriously when I give her a firm talk about her behavior or a warning she will be in trouble. She’s had to deal with hard spankings, and knows it is better to listen to my words and respond to them. I expect you will see some of the same result, and find that words and warnings are effective, if spankings have been effective. You can also look at long-term improvement of bad behavior or bad habits. Many women have put behind habits like overeating, swearing, or even misusing alcohol because of the discipline of their husbands. These are perhaps the most obvious and clearest signs that discipline is doing its job.

I believe you will see the strongest positive effects shortly after you begin with discipline. This is a time that a wife may have some of those bad habits still with her, or who is struggling with an ego, or with rebelliousness toward her husband. Your hand will cleanse her of those things. The kind of help spanking can offer her within a year will be remarkable. She may be failing in submission, but spanking will put her quickly in the place of submission, and spark her learning. After that initial growth, much of the work is simply sustaining and deepening submission. Spankings become necessary from time to time, and quickly put bad behavior behind her. They get her back on the rails if she is slipping out of her right attitude. They remind her of her place. The man needs to judge if spankings are keeping his wife in line well, and make any adjustments if they are not. He naturally needs to combine them with leading her with words, and with his own virtuous, godly, and loving behavior. The good results are a changed woman.


22 responses to “What Makes an Effective Spanking”

  1. […] choosing to get in trouble — through serious disobedience — may also reflect an ineffectiveness of spanking in general. If you discern that it does, you can respond in several ways. The first may […]

  2. […] it. That’s something she should not repeat. The spanking does not make her flawless, but it refines her, and softens her, and makes every word you say count. You can speak them deep within […]

  3. […] willing to go through these learning periods early on. Be willing to find it difficult. You are training a woman and refining her for her own good, and the rewards truly are incredible.  Woman cleansed of pride, […]

  4. […] is already being given in the form of a loving husband giving his wife discipline. She is being helped toward a better and softer attitude in the future, toward more respect, and in many ways toward […]

  5. […] that it is wrong, or they have some fear of the act, or the trust involved. Spanking is rooted in the good it does, NOT in personality types. It is rooted in the cleansing it brings to the soul, the peace it brings […]

  6. […] is good for many marriage relationships, and could help many more marriages than currently use it. Its benefits are easy to achieve. One key to view spanking honestly, and decide if it is best for you, is to […]

  7. donnamarie Avatar

    Thank you for your clear and insightful blog. I am a woman, and you have put into words EXACTLY the kind of relationship I have always yearned for, for as long as I can remember. I have always been very embarrassed by this and at a loss as to how to communicate my needs. I have never been interested in being spanked for fun, or by anyone who does not love and cherish me, but my desire to be submissive within a loving relationship and be disciplined for my own good and in my best interest as a woman and for the good of the relationship. This is my hearts desire. I do not know why
    I would like to ask you for some advice. If you don’t mind. I am engaged to a man, and expect to join him in a few months (he lives far away) to prepare for our wedding. He is a Christian and a very, very dominant, conservative man
    I love him dearly. He is a very very good man. He has let me know absolutely that he will be the leader in our home and that I will be submissive to him, which is fine with me as it is what I desire, although truthfully I have been on my own for so long, it will be a struggle as I have become very independent. I am ready for that. He has talked about “training” me after marriage and has expressed a desire to spank me for his sexual pleasure. He has given me no further details except to say “we will work that out”. I am much too shy and too embarrassed to tell him what I would desire in our marriage, and besides that, he is pretty insistent that things will be exactly the way he wants them. Here is my question; your blog is almost exactly what I would hope for in my new marriage, but I don’t know how to talk to him or ask him for this. I am afraid he will think I am a pervert or weird or trying to run the show. Do you think it would be too forward of me, or less than submissive, or just wrong to forward him your blog as a description of what I yearn for? Would it seem like I am directing him, which I don’t want to do. Would it be less than submissive? I would very much appreciate your input on this, if you have time as you seem to understand the dynamics of this kind of relationship deeply. I am very tempted to send it to him, but I dont want to be rash or foolish. Thank you for your time. Thank you for your blog
    You have let me know that this is possible.

    1. Hello Donnamarie, I’m very happy you have found the site, and also that it provides you some helpful information. Many women yearn for spanking from their men, although it seems many men don’t know that.

      I have written a little about the topic of women who want to bring spanking into their marriage — and I appreciate that you have a good and healthy understanding of where spanking fits in and what it is meant to accomplish.

      Feel free to share the blog with your future husband. While I know it’s not an easy topic to talk about, if it is important to you, I would find a way to bring it up, and explain to him why you feel you want or need it. Don’t rely entirely on the blog, but let your feelings and your reasons be known. As long as you are being respectful to him and gentle, and not insisting on your way, you can suggest this idea or any other while still being submissive to your man.

      Be prepared that he may not accept the idea, and it is finally his decision, but considering he already shown some interest in spanking, I would think he’d be open-minded about spanking for primarily discipline purposes. He may be planning for that already. If he is going to train you, then it could include with discipline.

      I wrote this one article on women bringing to topic to their men here: https://spankingyourwife.wordpress.com/2020/05/16/asking-your-man-to-spank-you/

      It’s great you have found a man who will lead the home. Spanking is just one tool within that marriage relationship, which itself is beautiful, fruitful, and full of joy.

      You can also write me at my e-mail below or in the contact form.


  8. My husband says that the spanking or punishment to be efficient must be long, painful and severe, so that it stays in my memory and so that I don’t resort to the mistake and that I don’t want another one soon
    He says that pain and the memory of pain are the main cause of its efficiency and that A painless spanking would have little value as a disciplinary tool, he also says that pain should not be just physical, A punishment should have a shameful effect and humiliating to inflict a very beneficial emotional pain in the process
    Once he was very angry for catching me sitting during a church course that I should be helping, now always before the activities I take a spanking, so that the pain of sitting reminds me that I must be useful and not sit down

    1. Hi Nina, I agree a spanking should be hard and humbling, although there is always something subjective in those terms. It aims to be a deterrent and a warning into the future. I would avoid going to any extreme of punishment or degradation, as we always treat human beings with dignity, even when they are being punished out of necessity. In our home, humbling amounts to kneeling or standing in the corner. I wouldn’t go a whole lot further than that.

      I am familiar with the practice of reminder spankings — preemptive spankings that are given to help a wife remember to avoid an infraction in the future. However, reminder spankings are appropriate for a recurring problem, and not for a one-time even. If we gave regular reminders for one infraction, spankings would become incredibly common, as well as frivolous.

      I hope you see what I mean. It is appropriate to keep punishment in proportion to the offense, and the real goals of discipline.

    2. Hi Nina, try to “spend” 10 min. on my husband’s lap. And to feel his strong hand on your bottom.

  9. I’ve been blessed with a husband who believes spanking and discipline is left for more serious offenses. Often a look or a hint about praying for Guidance is enough to get me back on track. (We prefer to use the term Guidance instead of punishment for my discipline. It is my HoH’s job to GUIDE me toward better behavior after all).

    1. Thanks for your comment, Valerie. That’s a very good way to run things. Guidance is an excellent term for it, since that is much of what spanking accomplishes. It is a part of guiding the wife.

  10. […] written a whole article on this, but I’ll mention here, that I find that accomplishing the purposes of a spanking is more important than caring much about the number of strokes. If it takes me a few strokes, or […]

  11. Good day All,
    We apply spanking for more than 5 years, my wife said that spanking helped her too much, I realized big positive changes in her attitude, but I never spank her if I’m angry and I must explain to her why she will get spank, till she fully understand, moreover we agreed long time ago what to do and what not to do. Really it’s wonderful system.

    1. I’m glad to hear how spanking has been helpful to your marriage. I wish more people knew how good it is. It sounds like you run your home firmly and reasonably.

  12. It’s not important to be hard , it depends on how hard your wife can receive, once she bent on your knee bared it’s shameful to her and she will do her best not to be there again

  13. […] first spanking, and pain can feel like a dangerous predator lurking behind a dark door, the pain is the healing kind, and is deeply linked to the lesson you have to learn. It is being given by a man who loves you for […]

  14. […] helps facilitate. Then she will accept justice later, as she is taken to their room, bent over, and spanked. If you find yourself in the situation to wait, make the most of it, just as a man waiting in […]

  15. […] Like a spanking, there are results into the future. There is the peace and closeness that follow shortly after. Then there is also the ease at moving together with harmony that they have in a far-reaching way, and that does not stop. There is the closeness of hearts and understanding, the thoughtfulness of the other that they share. A man also will be at peace knowing no barrier separates him from his wife. She is his completely. No woman could compare. A woman who desires to pleasure her man, and who can keep him satisfied is to be admired and praised. She learns skills only for him, and is able to meet and exceed his desires. A good husband will express to her how amazing and how loved she is. […]

  16. […] and improve her behavior.   I want her to be very sore for a while for her to remember that she must not demonstrate the inappropriate behavior again.  I will make her write the lesson several hundred times to […]

  17. […] that those warnings are effective, just as my other instructions are effective, because a spanking is undesirable. If it were not undesirable, there would be little threat there in the warning. It would be empty […]

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