What is submission in marriage? What is the submission of a woman to her man? There are those who will complicate what this means, and those who will water it down. Others overly qualify it. It is best to speak plainly and clearly on this subject, and I will, just as I do elsewhere. Submission in marriage follows the basic definition of submission elsewhere. Marriage has its own unique facets, true, and its own unique riches as you dig deep into it, but submission functions the same in many relationships. It simply means that she puts herself under the authority of her husband in the union of marriage. She also receives protection, and is provided for, and loved, but submission simply means she is under his authority and leadership. Because she is submitted, she naturally obeys him, and follows his rules, just as we do in any situation under authority. Submission really is that simple.
The submission that exists in marriage is very thorough and deep. Really, more thorough and deep than any other relationship we have other than towards God. A wife submits to her husband in all things. Her submission is compared to that of the Bride of Christ, the Church towards her Savior. That comparison connotes both the husband’s authority, as Christ is the head over the Church, and also the thorough, deep, and passionate submission that the wife should have. Just as we deeply desire to please our Lord and Savior, just as we want to honor His sacred name, produce fruit for His Kingdom, so she wants to honor and serve her husband. It is a dedicated. It is holy. It is thorough and complete, and from the heart. How we love our Lord Jesus. How we serve Him. This is the example for the godly wife of how to look toward her husband. This is the depth of how she serves him. It is zealous.
The wife’s submission starts in her character and spirit. That character and spirit feeds her obedience, and helps her follow her man, even at the times it is far from easy. Her obedience, in turn, helps to enable that character deep within her and give it fuel. The character she needs is written in Scripture in plain language, and is also written into her biology and mind as as woman. She is gentle to him. She is quiet. She is chaste. She seeks the beauty of holiness in her heart before looking to become alluring or outwardly bold. Her spirit is meek and humble. That Christian character is in perfect harmony with the femininity God wrote into her at creation. It is in harmony with her softness, and more emotional nature. It is in harmony with her kind and intuited wisdom she has as a woman. God made her with less aggression, and a much more of a nurturing nature. She is built to be soft to her man’s hardness. Her qualities built to harmonize with her man, and to help him. She is assigned that role and she is made beautifully for it. This era scoffs at true femininity, but true femininity is to be honored, and when used rightly, is a holy vessel for God to use. He will use it greatly.
The wife’s submission is first for the sake of her husband. It helps her husband’s work and his witness. Woman was created and given the qualities she has to be his helper. She is his help mate comparable to him according to Genesis 2. As a partner she fulfills her man, gives him loving companionship, and is his faithful assistant throughout life. Perhaps her greatest assistance role is in bearing his children and rearing them in the home. This wonderful act of help passes on the faith to the next generation, and passes down the man’s name as well. There are few more powerful things in the world to do than bear and raise children, despite the absurd claims of feminism which ridicule it. A wife also helps her man by keeping his home a peaceful, lovely, and welcoming place. She fills it with her love, her beauty, keeps it clean, and prepares good healthy food for the family. Apart from these most obvious forms of assistance, a wife assists her husband in countless ways either one of them might choose, such as playing a role in his ministry, taking care of finances, or spending part time in a home business. My wife assists me in too many ways to count, and her value is beyond any salary in the world. I treasure and love all that she does. It is productive and practical, and it makes me amazingly happy.
Submission comes with another purpose as well — the wife. The purpose for the wife is in part her own protection, as the stronger vessel, the man, will protect her from physical, emotional, and spiritual harm. He will honor her as the weaker partner in their beautiful union. The purpose for the wife is also to be refined and made holy. Just as Christ washes His chosen people, His adopted children, in the Word of God, so a husband loves His chosen wife, washing her in Scripture, prayer, worship, and moral leadership. He helps her to grow as as woman of God. She grows in holiness, and in her godly femininity. The wife is also submitted to her husband because she is a picture for the world of the Church, as saved and redeemed humanity. Under her husband’s leadership, humbly and soft to him, the woman pictures for everyone she knows the redeemed humanity, so humble as soft toward as Savior. Walking together with His yoke, and not complaining. We rebel no more. We are at peace. We follow Him gently. So the woman must do with her husband, following him softly, because that is the witness God chose her for. He created her for it, and gave her the qualities that will flourish in this role. Submission is good for her body and soul. It is a part of her faith.
In line with the topic of this discipline manual, we need to see that submission to the authority in the home comes with being corrected and disciplined when it is called for. That’s true of being under any authority. Correction can be a few gentle words, or it can be an undesirable punishment, but either way it is the head’s way of leading you to better behavior, and leading you away from what is harmful. He protects his wife that way, the marriage, and the entire home. It takes humility to accept any kind of correction, and a real softness to his touch, and that is what the wife will need to learn. The more she responds well to his correction, the easier it will be for him to lead her. Putting herself in a mindset to learn, even from punishments she’d rather not receive, is deeply in line with her character, and in the long run will help keep her out of more trouble. Follow him better with the gentle kind of correction, and you won’t need the unpleasant kind very often. Learn the lesson he teaches you. Let yourself be soft inside as he shapes you.
A wife’s submission to her man is also physical. It is a part of the union of bodies that marriage is by nature. Two have become one. She is submitted to him sexually, by sharing her body, and by fulfilling his desires. She provides him her beautiful and desirable body, and keeps him satisfied in bed. Her sexual submission mimics her daily submission and her woman’s heart — she is under his power, she opens to him, she becomes his vessel, she moves with his lead, and she serves him in the most passionate way. A man whose wife is godly is a man who is fulfilled sexually. He does not burn with passion, nor does he seek sexual attention from other women. He knows he can enjoy his wife when he desires. There is great stability and harmony in marriage that way. Her submission sexually brings those elements in part because the man is confident that his needs are met, his sexual needs usually being more constant and heated than a woman’s. It also brings those elements because the intimacy brings man and wife closer together in mind and soul. It has a way of washing out any hard spots between them, or any grains of sand in their workings. Regularly submitting sexually keeps them working as one glorious whole.
When man and woman unite in marriage, two beings, two lives, and two bodies, become one. They are now like one body acting as a whole. Yet they are not without differences. They are not without unique roles. The woman’s submissive characteristics and role reflects her place in creation. It reflects God’s plan for her. It reflects that she is secondary to man, being made from his flesh. Her being placed under authority in the home and in the Church also reflects that woman was the one deceived by the devil, and it is man’s strength which, when used rightly, protects her from that. He is the one fit to lead, and has the mind made for a more precise understanding of the truth, and strong, aggressive desire to grasp the truth. Their union is perfect when they know and live out their roles. It is not demeaning to be submissive. It is an honor and essential to life. Great peace comes when a woman takes on her submissive path, and seeks to grow in it, to be like a glorious and flowering centerpiece in a garden, known for her humility, kindness, warmth. As her man leads, she follows. As he protects her, she flourishes. When he desires her, she opens up to him, and is able to miraculously bear a child. To reject her submission is to reject something as good and natural as the earth, as the sea, as dew in the morning, as motherhood. In a new creation in Christ, that submission is brought to perfection, and will bear fruit for His kingdom.
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