Submission of the Bride

What is submission in marriage? What is the submission of a woman to her man? There are those who will complicate what this means, and those who will water it down. Others overly qualify it. It is best to speak plainly and clearly on this subject, and I will, just as I do elsewhere. Submission in marriage follows the basic definition of submission elsewhere. Marriage has its own unique facets, true, and its own unique riches as you dig deep into it, but submission functions the same in many relationships. It simply means that she puts herself under the authority of her husband in the union of marriage. She also receives protection, and is provided for, and loved, but submission simply means she is under his authority and leadership. Because she is submitted, she naturally obeys him, and follows his rules, just as we do in any situation under authority. Submission really is that simple.

The submission that exists in marriage is very thorough and deep. Really, more thorough and deep than any other relationship we have other than towards God. A wife submits to her husband in all things. Her submission is compared to that of the Bride of Christ, the Church towards her Savior. That comparison connotes both the husband’s authority, as Christ is the head over the Church, and also the thorough, deep, and passionate submission that the wife should have. Just as we deeply desire to please our Lord and Savior, just as we want to honor His sacred name, produce fruit for His Kingdom, so she wants to honor and serve her husband. It is a dedicated. It is holy. It is thorough and complete, and from the heart. How we love our Lord Jesus. How we serve Him. This is the example for the godly wife of how to look toward her husband. This is the depth of how she serves him. It is zealous.

The wife’s submission starts in her character and spirit. That character and spirit feeds her obedience, and helps her follow her man, even at the times it is far from easy. Her obedience, in turn, helps to enable that character deep within her and give it fuel. The character she needs is written in Scripture in plain language, and is also written into her biology and mind as as woman. She is gentle to him. She is quiet. She is chaste. She seeks the beauty of holiness in her heart before looking to become alluring or outwardly bold. Her spirit is meek and humble. That Christian character is in perfect harmony with the femininity God wrote into her at creation. It is in harmony with her softness, and more emotional nature. It is in harmony with her kind and intuited wisdom she has as a woman. God made her with less aggression, and a much more of a nurturing nature. She is built to be soft to her man’s hardness. Her qualities built to harmonize with her man, and to help him. She is assigned that role and she is made beautifully for it. This era scoffs at true femininity, but true femininity is to be honored, and when used rightly, is a holy vessel for God to use. He will use it greatly.

The wife’s submission is first for the sake of her husband. It helps her husband’s work and his witness. Woman was created and given the qualities she has to be his helper. She is his help mate comparable to him according to Genesis 2. As a partner she fulfills her man, gives him loving companionship, and is his faithful assistant throughout life. Perhaps her greatest assistance role is in bearing his children and rearing them in the home. This wonderful act of help passes on the faith to the next generation, and passes down the man’s name as well. There are few more powerful things in the world to do than bear and raise children, despite the absurd claims of feminism which ridicule it. A wife also helps her man by keeping his home a peaceful, lovely, and welcoming place. She fills it with her love, her beauty, keeps it clean, and prepares good healthy food for the family. Apart from these most obvious forms of assistance, a wife assists her husband in countless ways either one of them might choose, such as playing a role in his ministry, taking care of finances, or spending part time in a home business. My wife assists me in too many ways to count, and her value is beyond any salary in the world. I treasure and love all that she does. It is productive and practical, and it makes me amazingly happy.

Submission comes with another purpose as well — the wife. The purpose for the wife is in part her own protection, as the stronger vessel, the man, will protect her from physical, emotional, and spiritual harm. He will honor her as the weaker partner in their beautiful union. The purpose for the wife is also to be refined and made holy. Just as Christ washes His chosen people, His adopted children, in the Word of God, so a husband loves His chosen wife, washing her in Scripture, prayer, worship, and moral leadership. He helps her to grow as as woman of God. She grows in holiness, and in her godly femininity. The wife is also submitted to her husband because she is a picture for the world of the Church, as saved and redeemed humanity. Under her husband’s leadership, humbly and soft to him, the woman pictures for everyone she knows the redeemed humanity, so humble as soft toward as Savior. Walking together with His yoke, and not complaining. We rebel no more. We are at peace. We follow Him gently. So the woman must do with her husband, following him softly, because that is the witness God chose her for. He created her for it, and gave her the qualities that will flourish in this role. Submission is good for her body and soul. It is a part of her faith.

In line with the topic of this discipline manual, we need to see that submission to the authority in the home comes with being corrected and disciplined when it is called for. That’s true of being under any authority. Correction can be a few gentle words, or it can be an undesirable punishment, but either way it is the head’s way of leading you to better behavior, and leading you away from what is harmful. He protects his wife that way, the marriage, and the entire home. It takes humility to accept any kind of correction, and a real softness to his touch, and that is what the wife will need to learn. The more she responds well to his correction, the easier it will be for him to lead her. Putting herself in a mindset to learn, even from punishments she’d rather not receive, is deeply in line with her character, and in the long run will help keep her out of more trouble. Follow him better with the gentle kind of correction, and you won’t need the unpleasant kind very often. Learn the lesson he teaches you. Let yourself be soft inside as he shapes you. 

A wife’s submission to her man is also physical. It is a part of the union of bodies that marriage is by nature. Two have become one. She is submitted to him sexually, by sharing her body, and by fulfilling his desires. She provides him her beautiful and desirable body, and keeps him satisfied in bed. Her sexual submission mimics her daily submission and her woman’s heart — she is under his power, she opens to him, she becomes his vessel, she moves with his lead, and she serves him in the most passionate way. A man whose wife is godly is a man who is fulfilled sexually. He does not burn with passion, nor does he seek sexual attention from other women. He knows he can enjoy his wife when he desires. There is great stability and harmony in marriage that way. Her submission sexually brings those elements in part because the man is confident that his needs are met, his sexual needs usually being more constant and heated than a woman’s. It also brings those elements because the intimacy brings man and wife closer together in mind and soul. It has a way of washing out any hard spots between them, or any grains of sand in their workings. Regularly submitting sexually keeps them working as one glorious whole.

When man and woman unite in marriage, two beings, two lives, and two bodies, become one. They are now like one body acting as a whole. Yet they are not without differences. They are not without unique roles. The woman’s submissive characteristics and role reflects her place in creation. It reflects God’s plan for her. It reflects that she is secondary to man, being made from his flesh. Her being placed under authority in the home and in the Church also reflects that woman was the one deceived by the devil, and it is man’s strength which, when used rightly, protects her from that. He is the one fit to lead, and has the mind made for a more precise understanding of the truth, and strong, aggressive desire to grasp the truth. Their union is perfect when they know and live out their roles. It is not demeaning to be submissive. It is an honor and essential to life. Great peace comes when a woman takes on her submissive path, and seeks to grow in it, to be like a glorious and flowering centerpiece in a garden, known for her humility, kindness, warmth. As her man leads, she follows. As he protects her, she flourishes. When he desires her, she opens up to him, and is able to miraculously bear a child. To reject her submission is to reject something as good and natural as the earth, as the sea, as dew in the morning, as motherhood. In a new creation in Christ, that submission is brought to perfection, and will bear fruit for His kingdom.


26 responses to “Submission of the Bride”

  1. […] a milder form of punishment. It takes care of punishment, corrects a woman, and helps her grow in her submission. A spanked woman knows her submission more deeply and faster than a woman who is not clearly […]

  2. […] are all present, as we should expect. The man’s authority is given in Scripture, as is the wife’s obedience. (1 Cor 11:3, Eph 5:22-24, 1 Pet 3:1-6) It is the norm of having authority to be able to discipline […]

  3. […] begin a search for a wife by looking for partners who a godly and submissive. That means they both embrace submission as their role, and can show submission in practice. They may still need to grow in it, they may […]

  4. […] with sensing her man’s power, is the fulfillment she experiences in her own submission to spanking. God gave women an inner leaning toward submission, and a deep capacity to submit in a […]

  5. […] spanking is also good because it helps a wife with her submission, and with rightfully respecting her man. A conversation does not do this so well, or so deeply. A […]

  6. […] excellent way of running the home, and is helpful in maintaining the leadership of the man, and the gentle submission of his wife. It also lovingly corrects her, and brings her back under the husband’s wing when she […]

  7. Submissive wife Avatar
    Submissive wife

    Please spend more time focusing on discipline sessions, so that we can learn and apply it to our relationships. Thanks for your guidance!

    1. Thanks for your comment, Submissive Wife. I have several articles describing what discipline sessions usually involve, as well as several which describe individual sessions I have given. I expect to post a few more in the future. I hope they are of help to you.

  8. Aron, I am so grateful to have discovered your Discipline Manual. Your description of a submissive bride is everything I strive to be. You have such a kind heart and a wonderful appreciation for womanhood as God intended. I find inspiration and comfort in your words, and I often reread your posts when I need to refocus on God’s purpose for my life as a woman and future bride. May God continue to light your path as you uphold the role of husband as loving protector, spiritual leader, and stern disciplinarian. The world would be a happier, more peaceful place if more men followed your lead and more women heeded your call to submission.

    1. I am moved by your encouragement, Sophie. Thank you. I am sure you will be a wonderful bride. I believe if everyone knew how peaceful and good it is to follow God’s order, and the natural order, nearly everyone would want to do it. It is some incredibly false ideas, and sin, which lead men away from it. Bless you.

  9. My father in law advocated a marriage ritual to reinforce in a young wife’s mind the fact that marriage means she transitioning from being under the authority of her father to her husband who the Lord has put over her. I did not observe this ritual when I married my wife because at that time, I did not believe in spanking a wife. On a young wife’s wedding day, she is given a strapping by her father to enforce in her mind male authority. This strap is then given to her husband to be. His first duty as a new husband is to use this strap on their wedding night to establish his new authority over his wife. This ritual would seem highly effective in getting the marriage off on the right foot

    1. Thanks Bob. I know there used to be a ritual in Russia in which the father would hand the whip to the husband around the time of the wedding. I don’t know if the father would use it at the time though. Surely, at some point, the husband will need to.

  10. .
    My father in law did give Jane the strap on our wedding day which was obvious from the marks on her behind on our wedding night. He also gave me a strap which I threw away. He gave her a serious spanking, her behind was very marked. At the time to be truthful I was not happy about this. I asked her about it and she told me her dad said this was to remind her to be good and obedient to me. Little did I know that in a year he would be my mentor in re-training Jane after my permissiveness caused her to misbehave badly. This forced me to be more severe with Jane early in our marriage than I liked, but my own failings made this unavoidable. The spare the rod, spoil the wife saying comes to mind, my father in law used this phrase quite a bit. Jane was very well trained by her father but it took some doing to restore this, My father in law told me that he had quite a time with Jane’s mother when they first married which I found difficult to believe since she was the most submissive women I ever knew

  11. […] for a woman who desires to be submissive for her husband, living that submission and responding with it daily, can be a challenge. It […]

  12. Learning to submit Avatar
    Learning to submit

    What is your advice for the women who were raised to believe they should be independent from men and definitely not be submissive?

    1. Hi Learning to Submit, I hope you have been learning very well. That is a very good question, and a common problem that comes up in marriage. Of course, it is best to address it long before marriage, and begin teaching women rightly, but sadly in most households and schools that will never take place. Women are taught almost the opposite of godly womanhood, and of femininity.

      There are a lot of strategies to help a woman overcome that kind of false teaching, and I’ll just name a few. The first, and best, is to place yourself under the authority of the Lord God. That means you immediately learn that life is not about fulfilling your desires, but is about loving and honoring your Lord. You know you are not in control of everything, but trust in God who is sovereign. It also means that, despite any inner resistance you may feel, you receive His teachings and you live them; that includes God’s will that women are submissive and obey their husbands. It is not the will or personality of a man who made things that way. It is the will of God, and He ordered creation for headship and submission to function. Letting God rule your life will help in accepting man’s rule in marriage. It is simply the rightful position a husband holds.

      A woman should also see that she already knows how to submit, and does so regularly. She’s just been taught not to do that to her husband. She submits at work — and often to men — to those who are her superiors. She does what they tell her to do, and seeks to please them. She submits by obeying the law of the land, in a government in which many men pass laws, and in fact which was founded originally by men. Unless she is still in some rebellious period, she remembers what it is like to submit to parents, and still loves her parents and respects them even as an adult. So in all these ways and more, a woman should be aware that she already knows well to submit. Then she can become aware of how irregular it is to find it impossible to submit in marriage. She can see how artificial is the training, and arbitrary is the reasoning, that would say she can submit to men in all those other instances, but somehow cannot submit to her husband. Anyone can see how inconsistent that is.

      This should be a start, but it’s only the opening for further progress. Her mind has formed habits. It’s learned emotional reactions. It’s been hammered into her that she is to look up to certain kinds of women, and look down to others. So she needs to overcome all of that societal indoctrination. However, if she knows in her heart how to submit to others, which she clearly does, she has a jumping off point to submit to her husband. Her heart basically knows the positions, the language, the overall spirit of submission. So she begins to apply that to her husband, in submitting to him.

      I also recommend that she learn the peace that comes with submitting to her man. There is a great burden off the shoulders not to need to be in control of everything. Just as there is a great burden lifted to know her husband’s attention, concern, and protection of her. His stronger body and more forceful character fit that sound protection she feels around her. There is peace too in learning she doesn’t need to try and correct her man or try to be right over him. The conflict disappears. The horrible emotions that build up with that kind of interaction, including anger, resentment, and hatred vanish like the mist. Her man can see her changed attitude, and she can experience his wholehearted appreciation for who she is. It really is wonderful. When a woman starts to see that peace and security, submission starts to make more sense, regardless of what has been pounded into her brain by the secular world.

      She should also nurture her femininity. Femininity is soft and gentle in character. It is quiet in the soul. It has a peaceful, gentle wisdom, and not a raised fist in revolt. Feminine spirit, dress, and language will help her embrace submission, since that feminine character was given to her by God for the very purpose of being the submissive partner, and the bearer and nurturer of life. Plus she is designed to be the beautiful one. I believe a woman learning godly femininity — not the kind of the fashion magazine or the harlot — will find fewer obstacles in being soft to her husband, or learning to simply obey him. She’ll find she is already soft in her heart.

      There is much more to say, but I believe these four ideas — of turning your life over to God, of recognizing you already know how to submit, of learning the peace that exists in submission, and of nurturing femininity — can help a woman who has been misled, if she’s willing. In terms of more hands on practical advice, I would recommend my article Practical Submission. It gets into how to apply and practice submission in behavior and in language. I think it can help young wives in seeing what submission means on a day to day level. I certainly did not come up with it all by myself either, as it includes plenty of what I’ve learned from others.

      Here is the link:

      Lastly, to add one more aid to women — while it doesn’t relate specifically to overcoming feminist ideas, you can help overcome much cultural indoctrination simply by practicing separation. Get rid of the television. Turn off the radio. Use any media you have only for virtuous purposes. Spend time in the company of godly men and women. Stay away from worldly places that encourage living for the self, sensuality, and immorality. Shut it all off. Live for God. Find a quiet place where your mind isn’t being polluted by millions of pieces of stimulation, and use your mind and soul for the purposes of the Lord.

      I hope that answers your question. I look forward to seeing women leave the polluted feminist mindset for beautiful submission. A woman submitting to her husband is a picture of a redeemed people submitting to the Savior. What could be more wonderful?

      Grace to you.

      1. Learning to submit Avatar
        Learning to submit

        Thank you so much for this reply. I am definitely learning and will continue to read your blog. Very informative and beautifully written.

        1. It’s my pleasure. God bless you.

  13. For me there is no more beautiful example of a submission than a wedding night. My wife was a virgin, and I know how difficult, stressful and (unfortunately) painful it was for her. She knew it’s my right to have a sex with her, she was scared but she opened her legs for me. That was the most beautiful act of submission I’ve ever seen in my life.

    1. Thanks for your input. That’s an angle we don’t always think about. The wedding night is a great act of submission, and can be fear inducing for many women. As some put it, that first night is the seal on the wedding itself.

    2. elizaishis Avatar

      I loved how you expressed that. I too was a virgin when I married and it really was the greatest act of submission to my husband.

  14. This article was lovely to read as a submissive wife.
    The phrase that stood out for me was ‘she puts herself under the authority of her husband’. That is a beautiful image, the woman choosing to submit and being under her husband. When you stop and think it is a wonderful humbling act for a new bride or indeed a wife of many years to do. She understands how her husband is the ruler of the home and she loves him for that.

    1. Thank you, Anne. That experience is right at the heart of everything — willingly putting yourself under your husband. Everything else flows from that simple choice. It brings not only her obedience, but the security and protection she can feel. She is under him and that is a good thing.

  15. Fluer Avatar


    I was most definitely brought up to be a free thinker and independent woman, one of my schools mission statements was to allow girls to become independent free thinkers and to challenge the norms.

    My parents were astonished that I had my husband ask my Dad for permission to marry and that I wanted my Dad to give me away and not just walk down the aisle. It was the first time I’d felt that I was starting to be submissive and not in control others were starting to make decisions for me and it actually felt liberating not having the pressure to make the decisions.

    It felt so good to tell my husband that I would love, honour and obey his commands with my vows.

    Freely giving my body to him that night was one of the most special things responding to his command of take off your dress and be ready and to say yes sir.

  16. I’m curious as to your thoughts on how submission is an honor. I can (relatively) easily see it as a mercy, but it being an honor does not compute for me, especially considering it’s also a punishment for Eve’s being deceived.

    1. Hello Aggie Lauren, One can view submission as an honor. It certainly is not merely a punishment for Eve’s sin, since Adam was formed first, as was the head of mankind even before the Fall. The punishment for sin is her rebellious streak, a harsher form of lordship that she must experience from her man, as well as the pain and danger of childbearing.

      I believe submission is an honor in part because the wife has the opportunity to help and to satisfy her man. It is always an honor to serve the king, and to help in achieving his righteous goals. It is also an honor in that the wife is gifted with the fulfillment that comes with being submissive, both the satisfaction she feels in softness and femininity, as well as the protection and care she receives from her man.

      Thank are my thoughts on the topic. Thank you.

Leave a Reply