One of the difficulties men have in taking on headship over their wives, and also in disciplining them, is in realizing the true authority they have. This may also be a challenge for men who understand they have headship, and believe in it intellectually or spiritually, but have seen headship softened to the extent they don’t know how to use it. A culture, including a weak church culture, that softens or denies headship, makes it very difficult for men to lead, and subsequently for women to follow. Even women who deeply desire to follow still need a clear lead, and unambiguous correction. The man has got to step into his role and live it.
Having authority is more than a titular role. It means more than your wife checking in on you occasionally about a major decision. Authority means you will make the rules, and also enforce them. It means you can and you should tell your wife what she needs to do. She has to comply. If you can recognize authority at work, and recognize what it means to obey at work, then you can understand the role man and wife have together. As a man, you need to take on your authority, set standards for the home, and make sure that your wife is doing her job and following the rules. If she does not, you can correct her.
One reason that men struggle with this today is that the culture wants to portray a man who takes authority in the home as one who is prideful and power hungry. This is little more than slander. Having authority and using it does not make you prideful, it only means you hold a position, and rightly so. You are the head, and you lead the family for godly aims and for the good of all. Head of the home is a position, not an attitude of superiority. Don’t make anyone think you are uncaring for your wife, or demeaning to her, because you recognize your higher position. Simply recognize the nature of your role, and perform its functions. You should be honored as the head of the home, despite the dirty slander the culture throws around.
Using authority also means you learn to speak clearly and give orders. Not every statement needs to be made in a softened way, or as a mere suggestion. Did God give Israel the Ten Suggestions? An authority can speak in imperatives, and tell people what they need to do. Your boss at work doesn’t come hold your hand and ask if you’d like to do your job he’s be awfully happy if you decided to do it, and you’d get a little star. No, your boss tells you what to do. So as a man, you need to grow comfortable with using the same clear speech with your wife. You tell her what she needs to do, in those areas which are mandates.
Be unwavering and consistent. It would send mixed messages at best if you set some rules down, and then let your wife ignore them, or talk her way out of them. When you want something done, be firm in making sure she does it. When you set standards for the home, be consistent in enforcing them. Make sure she knows they are necessary, and that they are important. If your wife needs to be corrected, do not ignore it. Do not put it off a long time. Give her the correction she needs, be it verbal correction, or a sound spanking. If she is going to get used to following you, this will help. When she sees there are real consequences for dismissing your rule, she will be eager to avoid them. She will be more quick to obey, and in her desire to please you.
Many men also find they back away from giving a hard discipline, which will teach their wife submission. They think they can get away with a few smacks, and fear causing injury, or upset. This can be to the demise of household order. Many women will not feel disciplined this way, or feel submissive to their man. You correct her behavior with a good hard spanking, and spank until you’ve taught the lesson she needs to learn, and you see she is contrite. Women know what it feels like to be put back into a place of submission, and often the solid and unrelenting spanking is what it takes. Once she feels your authority this way, and lets her rebelliousness drain out of her, she can be much more at peace. You will see and experience the benefits. She will grow in submission to you.
Don’t be shy about training your wife in submission sexually. Don’t think you overstep your bounds to do so. As man and wife your bodies belong to each other. As her head, she should submit to you sexually as at other times. Help your wife learn to be under your authority by having her learn to serve you sexually at your command. She should find it easy to strip at your command, and to be on her knees for you. You are her king. You aren’t merely gratifying yourself by having her serve, but are helping her learn, and fulfilling her inside. It will be a help to her in living under your authority.
All you need do is recognize the authority you have and use it. You use it to meet righteous aims, and for the good of all. You use it clearly, consistently, and firmly, like a man should do. You can forget most of what you hear about male leadership from the culture and from the churches. They can offer only mindless ridicule, or a softened, unclear kind of headship that would leave anyone confused. You do not have to apologize to anyone because you make the rules. You lead your wife and your children, and you will bless the world through it.
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