Realizing Your Authority

One of the difficulties men have in taking on headship over their wives, and also in disciplining them, is in realizing the true authority they have. This may also be a challenge for men who understand they have headship, and believe in it intellectually or spiritually, but have seen headship softened to the extent they don’t know how to use it. A culture, including a weak church culture, that softens or denies headship, makes it very difficult for men to lead, and subsequently for women to follow. Even women who deeply desire to follow still need a clear lead, and unambiguous correction. The man has got to step into his role and live it.

Having authority is more than a titular role. It means more than your wife checking in on you occasionally about a major decision. Authority means you will make the rules, and also enforce them. It means you can and you should tell your wife what she needs to do. She has to comply. If you can recognize authority at work, and recognize what it means to obey at work, then you can understand the role man and wife have together. As a man, you need to take on your authority, set standards for the home, and make sure that your wife is doing her job and following the rules. If she does not, you can correct her.

One reason that men struggle with this today is that the culture wants to portray a man who takes authority in the home as one who is prideful and power hungry. This is little more than slander. Having authority and using it does not make you prideful, it only means you hold a position, and rightly so. You are the head, and you lead the family for godly aims and for the good of all. Head of the home is a position, not an attitude of superiority. Don’t make anyone think you are uncaring for your wife, or demeaning to her, because you recognize your higher position. Simply recognize the nature of your role, and perform its functions. You should be honored as the head of the home, despite the dirty slander the culture throws around.

Using authority also means you learn to speak clearly and give orders. Not every statement needs to be made in a softened way, or as a mere suggestion. Did God give Israel the Ten Suggestions? An authority can speak in imperatives, and tell people what they need to do. Your boss at work doesn’t come hold your hand and ask if you’d like to do your job he’s be awfully happy if you decided to do it, and you’d get a little star. No, your boss tells you what to do. So as a man, you need to grow comfortable with using the same clear speech with your wife. You tell her what she needs to do, in those areas which are mandates.

Be unwavering and consistent. It would send mixed messages at best if you set some rules down, and then let your wife ignore them, or talk her way out of them. When you want something done, be firm in making sure she does it. When you set standards for the home, be consistent in enforcing them. Make sure she knows they are necessary, and that they are important. If your wife needs to be corrected, do not ignore it. Do not put it off a long time. Give her the correction she needs, be it verbal correction, or a sound spanking. If she is going to get used to following you, this will help. When she sees there are real consequences for dismissing your rule, she will be eager to avoid them. She will be more quick to obey, and in her desire to please you.

Many men also find they back away from giving a hard discipline, which will teach their wife submission. They think they can get away with a few smacks, and fear causing injury, or upset. This can be to the demise of household order. Many women will not feel disciplined this way, or feel submissive to their man. You correct her behavior with a good hard spanking, and spank until you’ve taught the lesson she needs to learn, and you see she is contrite. Women know what it feels like to be put back into a place of submission, and often the solid and unrelenting spanking is what it takes. Once she feels your authority this way, and lets her rebelliousness drain out of her, she can be much more at peace. You will see and experience the benefits. She will grow in submission to you.

Don’t be shy about training your wife in submission sexually. Don’t think you overstep your bounds to do so. As man and wife your bodies belong to each other. As her head, she should submit to you sexually as at other times. Help your wife learn to be under your authority by having her learn to serve you sexually at your command. She should find it easy to strip at your command, and to be on her knees for you. You are her king. You aren’t merely gratifying yourself by having her serve, but are helping her learn, and fulfilling her inside. It will be a help to her in living under your authority.

All you need do is recognize the authority you have and use it. You use it to meet righteous aims, and for the good of all. You use it clearly, consistently, and firmly, like a man should do. You can forget most of what you hear about male leadership from the culture and from the churches. They can offer only mindless ridicule, or a softened, unclear kind of headship that would leave anyone confused. You do not have to apologize to anyone because you make the rules. You lead your wife and your children, and you will bless the world through it.


23 responses to “Realizing Your Authority”

  1. Such a good post. We live in a world of weak men. God never created us to be passive. God created man to be the head since Adam and Eve. Its crucial to establish your authority. Sexual submission needs to begin on the wedding night. Kneeling on command, bending over, undressing, positions, taking you in her throat, etc are all essential in her submission to you. Submission starts in the bedroom.

    1. Zachary Avatar

      No. Submission starts with a strong masculine presence and frame. That’s what women are attracted to and what gets them in bed in the first place.

      1. Thank you for commenting. Having a strong masculine presence certainly helps in leading a wife in submission. It is truly sexually charging to her. However, it is also rooted in the roles of man and wife, which God gives to men and women. It does not require a powerfully masculine male to wield authority in marriage, since any husband has that authority. Similarly, it does not take a naturally meek and gentle woman to submit, and make her man feel like a king. She receives that role when she becomes a wife, and any woman can learn to do it. We are uniquely designed for those roles, but those roles transcend us.

        If one’s desire is simply to “get them in bed” that does not reflect the strength, wisdom, or love a man must have. Using a woman that way is a source of destruction, for the man, the woman, the possible child they will bear, and for all society. If he truly wants to act like a man, he uses a woman fully for her rightful purpose, and not as a sex object in fornication. He does that my uniting in marriage, being faithful, protecting, and providing for his wife. In that context he also leads her in her submission, spiritual growth, and virtue. That is the man’s role, not merely to get a woman in bed. Once he’s married, he will do that as much as he pleases with his wife.

        1. Zachary Avatar

          Thanks for the response. While using the term “get her in bed” was meant euphemistically, my intention was to underscore sexual attraction—the notion that masculinity is “sexually charging as you say.” I didn’t mean it as an endorsement for objectification. Obviously, I’m advocating sexuality within marriage.

          1. I’m glad to hear that. I appreciate your explanation. There are people commenting here from varying lifestyles, occasionally even role reversal marriages, so I don’t assume too much if the comment doesn’t make it clear. It is a good point which you make.

  2. Aron, the world needs more men who embrace their natural, God-given authority, as you do. Women are drawn to it, and have a natural yearning to submit to it. Thank you for your courageous example and for continuing to speak the truth.

    1. Thank you Sophie. Yes, it is natural for a woman to respond to it and desire to submit. The man just needs to do his part.

  3. Amen again!
    With regard to a husband being willing to give the hard discipline needed and not shying away from it, if it is not thorough, long and hard in the manner Aron and others have described, it does not work for us.

    1. Thank you for your comment, Mia. It is good to hear it from the woman’s perspective.

  4. Aron I think what you write here should be something every new Christian husband is required to read. I grew up in a Christian home but there was always strife between my father and my mother. My mother, though she would say she was an obedient wife, never showed my father much respect. It was not always open rebellion more often it was just snide and hurtful words and belittling him in front of other people. And when he put his foot down about something, she would be very passive aggressive while doing grudgingly what he told her to do.

    When I met Jane’s parents’ things were different. Jane’s mother was openly submissive to Jane’s father. She was even deferential to her older sons and me when I had started dating Jane. Over time I learned, to my shock, that Jane was still subject to spankings by her father and even more shocking that Jane’s mother was just as subject to being spanked as Jane was. I found this out from Jane, one day when I was picking her up to go to a movie, I noticed that it seemed like Jane’s mother had been crying and she was more subdued than she normally was when she talked to me.

    I asked Jane, what is wrong with your mom when we were in the car. She said as if nothing was unusual that her mom was ” given a good hiding ” by her father because she disobeyed him. My reaction was, are you kidding? She was seemingly surprised at my reaction she said no, “dad took the strap to mom” because she didn’t do what he told her and then lied about it. Now at this time I knew Jane was still spanked by her father, but I was much more surprised, as can be imagined, that her mother was also.

    Strangely I didn’t react quite as I expected, part of me was OK with this, but part of me was uncomfortable about it. At that time, the uncomfortable part of me vowed that I would never spank Jane. I have related elsewhere on how this resolve ended.

    After I married Jane and began the use of corporal punishment, I told my father about it. His only reaction was one of curiosity, he didn’t react all that strongly. Sometime after Jane was taken in hand, after a nasty argument between my mom and dad, I told him he should consider “asserting “himself with her, but he said he could never spank her. And I think because of this he was never able to be a real leader in his home.

    I think the contrast between my parents and Jane’s parents illustrates the point that Aron makes in the essay above. There may be Christian wives who are properly submissive and obedient and are not spanked but I don’t think I personally ever met one.

    1. Thank you, Bob. I do believe it is very important and would love more men to learn this.

      1. I think if fathers re-establish their parental authority women would expect nothing different from their boyfriends and husband’s when they misbehaved, and in fact would probably require less spankings and be more willing to avoid them if the practise was an extenuation of the discipline they were already accustomed to.

        1. Thanks for your comment, Laura. This is absolutely true, and the lack of a father’s authority, teaching, and love, is at the root of many problems. A good father helps prepare a daughter for submission to her husband.

          1. Laura my dad was very strict me with and my sisters. We had to read the Bible and before we got married we had to recite all the parts about what the Lord wants wives to be like. If you messed up bad enough you got the strap and then corner time. He and my Mom taught us that when we get married we have to answer to our husband. So I knew that Bob had the right to spank me. Mom got the strap from Dad sometimes just like me and my sisters did. I got the strap on my wedding morning from Dad so I would know that I was going to be under Bob’s Authority after I said my wedding vows. I thought I was going to be spanked by Bob on our wedding night too but Bob told me he didn’t believe in spanking wives. And Bob wouldn’t spank me, he didn’t even yell at me when I messed up. The Devil got me and I started to really enjoy doing just what I wanted. But then one day I came home to find my dad with Bob and a strap sitting on the table. I thought Dad was going to tan my behind but he told Bob that he had to do it. I got a real bad spanking , Bob was pretty mad. Bob became very strict like my dad but I think I needed him to be strict, or I would keep messing up. I think Bob should have used the strap my dad gave him on our wedding day because the devil would have had no chance to make me misbehave like I did.

  5. Long Time Practitioner Avatar
    Long Time Practitioner

    Yesterday when we went to my wife’s father’s for Christmas he noticed a difference in her from Thanksgiving.. He remarked on her behavior and teasingly asked her if she had been a bad girl. She turned bright red! He and I had a talk where he confided in me that he wished others in the family would have better control in their households. He asked what had happened so I gave him a short sanitized version of the events of Thanksgiving .I told him that her bottom had been as red as her face several times since with an explanation of what led up to her punishment. He chuckled and asked if that made her attentive in all areas. He then told me that a well spanked wife was submissive in every way and thanked me for guiding his daughter properly. I was also told that if she needed a spanking while there that I could use any room that suited my purpose. I believe the message has been received fully. After we came home she thanked me for giving her what she needs and asked if I would have my pleasure with her. She went to sleep a very happy woman with an unmarked bottom and our mingled juices in several places.

  6. […] learn to follow you more easily every day. She is learning inside to embrace, and fully enjoy the power that you have. It is sinking into the fiber of her being. She is learning to give deeply, […]

  7. […] I reject using a contract is, as I have spoken of already, that our true agreement is in marriage. The authority I have over my wife comes through our being man and wife. The right I have to discipline her justly […]

  8. […] do several things. Firstly, as I believe is necessary, it would let the brethren know that the man’s authority is real, and that discipline is a normal activity. It is not something to hide in the dark, or to […]

  9. […] already contained in the union itself — but meditate on authority and you will understand. A man’s authority is real; not a highly limited kind or a mere play act. It is the same that parents, government, or […]

  10. […] Husbands who desire their wives hang out in dens of iniquity are also naturally going outside their legitimate authority. A wife may refuse going out to places such as night clubs, casinos, drug houses, or worldly pagan […]

  11. […] by a wife’s attacks or excuses. She needs to know who is in charge in the marriage. You have the authority as the man. You don’t have to prove it, or to earn it by behavior. You don’t put […]

  12. […] often is the reminder a man needs that he is in charge. Men in this culture are force fed a sickening egalitarianism regarding marriage, or if they are […]

  13. […] without spanking, or one that has ended the practice, he may use it if he needs. It comes with being the husband. He also has all the other tools available to him to lead, including disciplining his wife in […]

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