Men Afraid to Give a Spanking that Hurts

One of the difficulties many men face in beginning to discipline their wives is their own fear of giving a spanking that hurts. Just as they often have discomfort in stepping into a clear authority role, they also have discomfort with the idea of “hurting” their wives, even for their own good. IF this is the case, they hand out light and insufficient punishments. This will not do the job. These tender tappings do not justly punish a wife’s bad behavior, and they certainly do not make her feel submitted to her man. They do not firmly give her the show of strength she needs. They don’t soften her. A man who is new to discipline needs to overcome fear, and give his lady the hard spanking that she needs.

A wife being disciplined needs your firmness. If she doesn’t have it, a variety of wrongs can appear. With punishment being light, it becomes hard to her to see how her behavior was wrong, since it clearly did not merit a serious response. She can start to view her disrespect, disobedience, or negligence as something more or less tolerable, and certainly not a terrible wrong. This is an obstacle to her remorse, and her growth as a woman. Light spankings also do not make for much of a deterrent. A woman rapped gently on the bottom isn’t going to fear it the next time. She isn’t going to get nervous about stepping out of bounds and getting in trouble. Moreover, her man’s instructions and warnings will carry little weight. If she gets in trouble, what’s the worry, it’s just a little talking time. She will feel she can do whatever she wants. Moreover, the woman who lacks serious discipline from her husband will not feel the kind of submission to him that being firmly spanked leads to. She’ll feel she is still in charge, and he is not really that strong. She still has her strength and may be harder than he. A soft man like that doesn’t carry that much respect with his wife, and he doesn’t make her feel soft inside, and ready to follow him. If anything, he might actually earn her scorn, and strong distaste. She has to walk around knowing each day she has a weak man, and that’s not something many women are proud of. Even if she wants to be a good wife, she may quietly hold him in derision.

A spanking needs to be a clear show of force, and a very undesirable punishment. It needs to let a woman know her behavior was wrong, and so wrong that it merits some time in the fire, and a sore backside the next day. It merits her needing to be humbled, kneel before her lord, cry, and want to do anything but have to go over his knee. It merits her being ashamed of what she did. She has to look at that strap each second and wish it was NOT about to be lashing her now bare bottom. She knows her man is about to see her at her most vulnerable and ashamed. She may have rebelled before, but now she’s going to be quivering and weeping over his knee.

A woman might hate the experience itself, but after she is spanked hard by her husband, she returns to deep submission to him. Whatever was rising up inside, like that puffy leavened dough, is subsiding and laying flat. Her hardness to him or her anger is spanked out of her. Perhaps the stress that caused her to become rebellious is gone, and replaced with inner quiet and tranquility. It relieves her greatly inside despite her previous rebellion. She knows she can serve him now. She knows she is clay in his hands. She feels his hardness and strength. It is natural to kneel before him now. It is easy to follow him. His instructions and his strap have brought her back to her good and beautiful place.

Husbands new to spanking need to understand this. They also need to know how to deliver a hard spanking, one which is a just punishment for her offense. Do not fear hurting her. As long as you are reasonably safe you will not injure her. Do not fear her tears either. They are natural and good. Continue spanking, and punish her through her tears. In any instance I have spanked my wife, I make sure to cover her upturned backside from top to bottom. I will also lay some strokes on the top of her upper thighs, a very sensitive spot. I make sure the blows are hard enough to hurt, though usually not full strength. I strap or paddle her solidly, and cover her bottom multiple times up and down. The fact I have a good deal to lecture her about as I spank her ensures it’s not going to be very short, because I will cover a number of topics as I chastise her. I talk, and spank. I talk, and spank. I ask her questions, and spank. Repeatedly.

I also look to the color of her bottom, to know I have not been strapping too lightly. I expect to see her bottom a deeper color than pink. Some instruments will begin to raise small welts during the spanking itself. Afterwards you will come to expect other colors to arise, usually with some bruising here and there. I also make sure that her reactions are appropriate to being firmly disciplined with my words and my paddle. I nearly always will see her in tears, and I expect her apologies for her behavior, along with her sincere commitment to changed behavior in the future. She needs to assure me she will be good in the future and never wants to end up over my knee again. My harder spanks are usually met with vocalizations of her displeasure. I hear either muffled or open cries. When she tells me she does not want to be over me knee again, I have no doubt that she means it.

A spanked wife is being trained inside rightly. When that spanking is firm, she is going to have a reminder in her heart and mind into the future. You can be confident of that. She has a reminder of the authority of her man and the authority of his words. When she hears her man instruct her, that spanking acts like a trigger to give more power to those words. When she is tempted to do wrong, or feels like rising up against her man, a spark goes off in her mind and reminds her both that it is completely out of place for her, and that there are a mountain of consequences. You find your warnings, like your instructions, are taken seriously and can by themselves bring a changed attitude from her. A hard spanking alters your wife’s behavior for the better. It gives her help in sustaining the right attitude. She wants to be pleasing to her lord. She is less apt to stray from his words. She knows most deeply she belongs to him.

This is all not to say that I encourage you to punish in the cruelest, or most medieval kind of way. A good spanking husband does not mimic the bdsm world. He is not going after extremes of pain. He simply knows how to correct a bad girl, and that a spanking needs to teach a lesson, and put a woman back into her submission. Spanking not only has different methods from bdsm, but has a different spirit. Wife spanking says — you’ve been bad, now you’re going over my knee to learn a lesson. Bdsm says — you’ve betrayed the King of England, and you will be tortured before you hang. A spanking husband is firm and is not afraid to leave marks on his dear wife’s bottom. He is also self-controlled, and not seeking to injure or achieve the highest possible levels of pain. He adjusts the severity according to the offense. He loves his wife, who is his beloved helper, not his prisoner.

If you are not prepared to give firm discipline, you can expect a wife who has difficulty following you. It’s that simple. At worst, you may also expect a wife who scorns you, openly or quietly. You can expect a wife who has no fear of disobeying you, and no respect for your strength because she cannot feel your strength. Her desire in bed is also not as strong, because it’s harder to desire a weak man. Teach her clearly, and spank her firmly, and you will nearly always see the opposite. You will find your wife follows you more easily and with more success. You will find she is consistently obedient, often with immediate response to your commands. She does not disrespect you, but openly honors you. Her words become soft. Her desire in bed is overwhelming, as she is magnetically drawn to your power and she knows she needs it. Learn to be hard with your wife. You will see she is loving, soft, and gentle. And she does NOT want to get spanked.


45 responses to “Men Afraid to Give a Spanking that Hurts”

  1. katiewife Avatar

    I have a few questions so Im just going to ask them here on your latest blog. First, should a mother be allowed to spank her children (both boys and girls), or is all spanking to be done by the HoH? Second, am I (as a woman) a sexual object who owned by my husband? Should he be able to do what he wants to me (sexually) whenever he wants? My husband says this to me, and says being an object to him and other men helps me be more submissive. He says I cannot refuse him? Im not sure I agree. Any thoughts? Also, what is the point of undressing?

    1. Hi Katie,

      Thanks for visiting the website and for your questions. A married couple has different options on how to discipline their children. The man may be the head of the home, but I don’t think that requires he always be the one to punish children. Sometimes it would be very inconvenient, as the woman will be around the children much of the time. Children ought to easily recognize that their father is stronger, and is the leader, but he does not always need to be the one who spanks them. A wife often needs to keep them in line when she is by herself, and a spanking really helps her.

      As far as being an “object,” you are not an object in the sense of being a “thing.” You are a human being and a husband loves his wife as a human being — body, soul, and spirit. However, you ARE an object in the sense of being the object of his desire. You are the one he desires on multiple levels, including sexually. You certainly do “belong” to him. Again, you do not belong as an item of purchase or a thing, but you belong through the one flesh union of marriage and through being under his headship.

      Husband and wife can enjoy each other’s bodies whenever they want, because they belong to the other. Two people have become ONE in marriage. They are one flesh. I deal with the subject of marital sex being a duty in the article, “The Duty of the Marriage Bed” Each has possession of the other’s body. 1 Corinthians 7:3-5 makes it clear that neither partner is to refuse the other, and even explains some of the reasons.

      A wife may not be in charge in marriage, but she can request sex also, and naturally expect that she will receive it. Man and wife enjoy each other sexually when they desire. It is mutual. Your husband also has authority. That naturally means when he wants your body, you need to respect his will and obey him. You should never refuse him.

      Usually in insurances like sickness, or injury, when it really would be dangerous to be intimate, it is normal for husband and wife to work out an alternative, or temporarily refrain from sex based on a mutual decision. In the case the wife is extremely exhausted, the husband can choose to be understanding and take a rain check, or if he does not think the reason is serious, he has every right to insist. Man and wife no not refrain from sex except with mutual consent of both parties.

      I know that sounds like a hard teaching to some. However, sharing our bodies freely is both the clear teaching of the Bible, and also the natural way with marriage, as everything two people have become shared. One new life is formed, including as our two bodies become one.

      As far as undressing for a spanking, there are a number of good reasons for it. Obviously, baring the bottom is necessary for the spanking to have it full effect. Otherwise the punishment is muted. Most husbands have their wives bare much more than this, and the reasons are simple. Needing to undress to be corrected and spanked humbles a woman, and helps her feel the necessary shame and vulnerability before her husband.

      Being bare is also connected to their union in the marriage bed, as a woman can sense his power over her, both inside and out. Just as he touches her inside in bed, he will touch her inside through the correction, although in a very different way. She experiences his full strength both in bed and in correction. You will not meet a great number of spanking husbands who do not keep their wives at least bare from the waist down during a discipline, and often she is completely naked.

      I hope that helps you understand better, Katie. I hope your husband does not think that sharing bodies is only one way. You can indeed request if from him, though you do not have the right to command him.

      Feel free to ask any other questions you may have.

      You can find the article on the responsibility of marital intimacy here:

  2. I am going to offer what is probably a controversial thought on this. I am not wedded to this idea but I’ll throw it out there. First we have to imagine a society that recognizes a Husbands right and duty to spank his wife to enforce his leadership. From my own experience it was mentoring by my wife’s father that taught me how to discipline my wife. Without him I would not even have known spanking was an option. I probably would have been facing divorce. So based on this I would suggest that there should be a program of some type, most appropriately in the churches I would think, to instruct young couples on all the marriage topics including the use of corporal punishment by the husband. Our minister would like to do such instruction but it would be impossible in today’s society. He can’t even be open about his own use of physical correction for his wife let alone mentor a young couple. I wonder if this would be feasible,

    1. That’s a good idea to have teaching on this in churches, but in terms of culture nearly anyone would be too afraid to. I will be writing on that topic soon, actually. Thank you.

  3. cygnus21122112 Avatar

    At midnight…
    My wife will be spending time over my lap.
    She will receive my hand for the following three points.
    1. Her speech to me.
    2. Deception.
    3. Withdrawing

    I’ll explain I won’t be stopping until I am ready to.

    She will begin to see things differently and hopefully her mouth will reflect that.

    1. Thank you. It sounds like she needs the lesson, and I hope she learns from it. Do a good job.

      1. cygnus21122112 Avatar

        I feel as though I got through to her.
        My scolding was pretty good, I felt comfortable with it. I can tell you with certainty, I feel better. My mood and thoughts towards her are much better.
        Her butt took a good hard spanking last night. I told her I was proud of her for accepting my decision and receiving what definitely hurt.

  4. Long Time Practitioner Avatar
    Long Time Practitioner

    I am not afraid to spank my wife. She has just been restored fully from a series of severe spankings that started on Thanksgiving and concluded on Tuesday after her court appearance for 2 traffic tickets. She was spanked 13 times for her tickets as well as sassing me, failing to have things ready to go to her Dad’s for Thanksgiving and getting an attitude from associating with a friend that I do not care for. I have been harsh but this is her worst behavior in almost 6 years of marriage. She has been spanked more in 6 years than my 1st wife was in 27 years. There will be maintenance spankings now to keep her on her best behavior. These will not be done with the implements I purchased special for this last round of spankings. I took my wife with me and made her pay for the items as a part of her punishment. She gets her round bottom well striped and it has made her more attentive sexually. She has never denied me the pleasure of her body unless there is a good reason such as illness. She asks me if I will have her for my pleasure and if I will allow her to satisfy me fully in any way I desire. My 1st wife was not easily aroused but always accommodated me when I wanted her. Both very different but good women. I have been twice blessed and have full control in my home. Our golden years will be tinged with a red and sometimes purple bottom and much love.

    1. Thank you. I’m sure she is a very submissive woman and a good wife. I do want readers to know that being spanked 13 times in a short period of time is not the norm for domestic discipline, especially if those spankings are severe. If there were multiple serious offenses, it would usually be a few serious spankings. Regular spankings like maintenance are usually not very severe.

      Much happiness and blessing to you both.

  5. There are so many Christian denominations I think there should be at least one which has a strict adherence to the principles of Biblical marriage. Some come close but most fall far short of the mark Here is what should be taught in the church in my opinion. When a young wife says her wedding vows pledging her obedience to her husband she should understand what this means. Her husband has absolute authority over her , she has no rights whatsoever except those her husband says she has. The Bible says she must obey him in ALL THINGS. That’s pretty absolute, This may seem harsh but it is tempered by the God command to her husband to love his wife and be a servant leader. With great power comes great responsibility. These “Christian” wives who say they accept that they must obey their husbands but then decide if they will not obey on this and that are not being properly educated about the Bible and have been poorly trained by their father before their marriage.

    1. Sure, it’s true a wife is under her husband’s authority. However, she does have rights given by God, and God is the ruler over all. So the husband’s power is not absolute. Were he to demand she do evil, she need not obey. He ought to treat her according to her dignity which God gave her, and look out for her good physically and spiritually. But sure, in all normal matters the wife must obey her husband.

  6. I am by no means afraid to spank my wife, in fact, I used to spank my wife a lot. It was consensual of course, but I stopped because honestly, it feels ridiculous! I mean she’s a grown ass woman! Also, by what right, or moral authority do I have to spank my wife? Sure, she allows it, so I guess that means I have her consent and that is where I derive my authority…. Right?

    Now I can make excuses. Like, “my wife never supported herself until I came along.” She was in her thirties and still being supported by her father! I make all the money and she manages it (very well in fact), and for a time, I felt like that gave me the right, so to speak to mete out discipline.

    Wrong! In the end, nobody has the right to hit anybody, regardless of who supports who, unless there is firm consent!

    Anyway, for some reason I just cant bring myself to do it anymore, because it all feels like complete BS to me now. Also if my wife enjoys it what kind of punishment is that really?

    1. Frank, Your authority in the home does not come down to the fact that you support your wife — although you certainly SHOULD support her. It comes down to the fact you are her husband and naturally the head of the home. As the man, you are the leader. Material gain did not give you that authority. You have it from God and from nature. You are her husband.

      You make mention of the need for consent, and who here disagrees with you? Consent is typically given in marriage, and even in extra-marital discipline relationships. A wife gives her consent to her man’s headship at an event known as a wedding, in which they both are joined for life, not as mere equal partners, but as leader and helper. That consent often comes with talk prior to marriage about how leadership, submission, and disciplined work. Some couples have an arrangement apart from their marriage, in which they agree on how discipline works. No one is getting kidnapped off the street and locked in a box somewhere. They are both choosing to enter into a relationship in which there is authority and discipline.

      How can a wife benefit from a spanking if she “wants” to get spanked? That’s a common question, and it has an answer. There are mainly TWO ways in which women “want” to get spanked: The first way is that they view it as fun or sexy, so they go get in trouble just so they can get spanked. The second is in a serious way — they know a spanking hurts and do not enjoy going through one, but they desire it because 1) they want their man to lead them clearly, 2) they want to put bad deeds in the past, 3) they want the cleansing of conscience that a spanking brings, and 4) other serious reasons.

      It is the LATTER kind of “want” that helps a woman to better her behavior, even though she desires to get spanked. It is the leadership and discipline she knows she needs, not the experience of the spanking she likes. The former kind of “want” is rather immature and does not teach a woman very much. If your wife is like this, you can either choose to forget about spanking entirely, or you can make spanking so undesirable she will not think it’s fun, and will actually start to learn a lesson from it. I have never claimed spanking is for all couples, and in some instances it does not work out successfully. If that’s the case, then stop it.

      If you personally have found spanking unsuccessful, I understand your desire to stop. However, if you are merely convinced man and wife are nothing more than friends and equals, you are giving in to a philosophy that will only weaken or greatly damage a marriage. You give in to a false doctrine. Man is the authority in marriage. Woman is under his headship. The idea we are just partner and partner is the complete BS you need to forget about, Frank. It’s total garbage.

      Know your leadership in marriage, and guide your wife in all things. That is a part of caring for her. You do that whether you use spanking or not. Even if you forgo spanking, you will find you will need other forms of discipline, which may or may not be successful. It is your wife’s role to obey you.

      1. Frank N. Stein Avatar
        Frank N. Stein

        My bias is I see no reliable evidence for a creator. Now assuming tomorrow science proves beyond a shadow of a doubt the universe was created, I am still ninety percent sure that human religion, to include Christianity is wrong. In fact the origins of the three main religions have been proved, with evidence, to have evolved from previous pagan belief systems.

        That being said, if you argue that my authority to punish my wife comes down to the belief in a human organized faith system, which harbors a belief in a creator, for which there is no reliable evidence, I must respectfully disagree.

        Now as far as any person benefiting from punishment, come on! That is too subjective a statement to prove. Unless your wife is truly into it, how can you be sure she actually likes it and is not just cooperating, because it gets you off?

        Anyway sorry for the harsh language and the bad grammar and the poor spelling, have happy new year!

        1. Hello Frank,

          Number one, you belong to an organized faith system. It is the faith system that claims you came from nothing which banged, came about by a long series of unlikely accidents, live in a world without underlying purpose, without fundamental moral good and evil —  in which not even slaughtering children can be considered evil in the moral sense — and despite all of the evidence from creation that God is Creator, it can be dismissed because of your own desire to play God. Things have causes when when they want them to have causes, but the cosmos itself has none because you said so.

          That is your faith. However, it is the wrong faith, and will only lead to death. It is not a true faith. It rests on very little truth, and deep in your heart you know you will face your Creator. You are not an accident. You are not a meaningless blip. You are here with a purpose, from the power of God, and it is only right to honor and obey Him. He made all things and is rightful ruler. He is source of light, life, goodness, truth.

          When you face the Lord — and you will — you’ll never be able to say you did not know. You DID know. The creation itself taught you. Christian believers have spoken the truth to you. You will only be able to say that you wanted to live for yourself, and please yourself, because it sounded better than loving God. And you will be judged.

          I don’t want that for you, but it is my job to warn you. No one has an excuse, and we are all aware of our God through the heart and mind He gave us. With the time you have here, still left, repent and make peace with God. Place your trust on His Son Jesus, who is the only one who can reconcile man back to God. Turn from the worship of man, to the worship of One who made man. Christ shed His blood so you could be free. So your sins could be forgiven.You can have peace forever with God if you repent. Joy and everlasting love. Yet it is only the expectation of judgment if you do not because we are all guilty before Him. We can each die at any moment. You cannot claim ignorance. Make peace while you can.

          You have already been given “reliable evidence” for God. You simply choose to dismiss it. The creation testifies to the Creator. The existence of the universe, the complexity of life, knowable moral laws, logical truths, and consistent laws of science all testify both to God as Creator, as well as to His attributes and nature. We could not even begin to have this discussion if you were a result of a long string of accidents. That’s because if that were the case, you’d have no reason to trust either your senses or your logic, so there’d be no point in discussing what the truth is. We would have no reliable measure anyway.

          Even to bring up “evidence” as you do presumes we can have consistent knowledge, which a long series of accidents do not provide you with. We would not be able to be sure of anything in an accidental world. Your claim that spanking requires “consent” is furthermore a MORAL claim, but you cannot make a moral claim in a meaningful sense if your life is a purposeless accident. If life is a purposeless accident, anyone can spank anyone else with or without consent, and there’s no ethical import. If you don’t like it, so what. There’s nothing good or bad about it. You must rely on the CHRISTIAN worldview to even begin to trust in truth — to trust in your own logic, and to make the moral claims you do. This only shows the basis of Christian faith in TRUTH, and the basis of unbelief in falsehood. So you testify against your own worldview every time you make truth claims.

          These, among other points, are reliable evidence for God. They also reliably show the foolishness of unbelief.

          Second, NO ONE has said your authority to lead and chastise your wife comes down to an “organized faith system.” No. Rather, that authority has been given to you by God, and through nature. One does not need to be a Christian to know the obvious. One does not need to be a Christian to understand other truths either; moral truths, logical, or mathematical. There are many basic truths known to all. That INCLUDES the man’s leadership over his wife.

          That’s why nearly all cultures, people groups, and religions recognized for thousands of years that men are the heads of the home, and why spanking wives has been very common across cultures — it’s not a unique religious doctrine. It is given by God through nature — just as the moral law — and we all can know it. That’s why women even in contemporary society find strong men attractive, and why men are not fulfilled by, and often ashamed by, having their wife tell them what to do. It’s embarrassing to them. But is is very fulfilling to a woman to be soft to her man.

          God built men and women differently. The man is strong, has more aggression, has a mind focused on knowing the truth with clarity. The woman is softer, more nurturing, has a more intuited form of knowledge. She receives pleasure hormones even looking at a child, whom she is wonderfully designed by God to bear and nurture. We are different creations, designed for different roles, and it doesn’t take a Bible to know that the man is the head of the home, and the woman’s role is in the home and with children.

          You will find that the teachings of God’s Word are in harmony with the creation itself, and help us use the creation successfully — the same God who gave the Scriptures also made the world in which we live. His way brings peace, blessing, protection, strength. The Lord who made the world can rightly show us how to use it.

          The benefits of discipline in the home are visible to very many families, Frank. I have seen them in my own home, and other men and women wold testify to them. They act both in the short term and the long term. The reasons are multiple, and not every woman’s reaction or motivation is going to be the same, but overall, it works very often for the good. If it doesn’t work for you, that’s fine, although you should give it an honest effort to finally come to that conclusion. Either way, it is your responsibility to lead your wife, and it is hers to follow you.

        2. Dear Frank,

          You *are* the reliable evidence for the Creator.

          But you need not believe in God to understand the headship of the male.

          From an evolutionary standpoint, in most species the female puts far more energy into the production of offspring than the male. She wants the strongest sire available to make sure those offspring have the best chance of survival—so she often just won’t breed with a male who can’t force her. There are other strategies, but this one is common.

          Humans have other criteria than physical strength to select the best mate, and I am *not* saying women want to be raped—because we don’t. But from an evolutionary standpoint his superior strength was arguably the first criterion.

          A smart woman also wants the male to hang around and help, and this is probably more likely if she’s pleasant to him. And if by chance he’s a bit of a bully at times, she can head for the hills, put up with it, or like him better for his strength and actively seek to please him. Women genetically inclined to stay and make nice have a survival advantage here, because when the saber-toothed tiger comes, the woman is better off with the man beside her than alone. Her children are more likely to survive and reproduce.

          We don’t have quite the same considerations today, but we are what we are made of. I believe God made man and woman to live in harmony and peace, but you can get to the same place from “survival of the fittest” and the shaping of evolutionary processes. All His works praise His Name, in earth and sky and sea.

          Blessings and peace,


    2. Frank when I married Jane the thought of spanking her was unthinkable. But I found out that my wife needed to be spanked or she misbehaved. From her father I got a I told you so. As Aron writes whether you spank her or not, her job is to obey you and your job is to rule over her. I personally do not think an un-spanked wife can be obedient but I would not tell another HOH how to run his house or do discipline. As for consent, I think it’s pretty obvious my young wife was acting out because I wouldn’t spank her.

  7. Please, I do not wish to come across as preachy, only offering my thoughts as possible encouragement.

    If marriage is when two become one, how else can oneness possibly happen if one, the husband, does not lead and direct and the other, the wife, does not bend and follow? It would be a confusing mess of uncertainty and constant strife. I know this from experience! It’s my understanding, that it is a matter of the husband choosing how he is to lead. The Bible guides my husband as he is creative in his leadership with me. By creative, I mean he has chosen to spank me safely but hard and as frequently as he sees fit to help me come under his authority. This is not mandated biblically, only supported biblically. Biblical principles of loving male headship and wifely submission and correction, etc. are clear, pure and the only ways to peace and unity for our marriage. My husband and I know that a good hard spanking, when done correctly, is the quickest, most effective aid in keeping us unified.

    Ephesians 5:26,27 encourages me.

    1. This is a very good explanation, Mia. Thank you. Marriage works in beautiful harmony through headship and submission. That’s one reason God gave it to us, and designed man and woman to fit together so well. They also model what marriage is to represent, which is the leadership of Christ and the gentle submission of His people. As you say, a spanking done right puts problems in the past very quickly. I’ve seen the alternatives, and they don’t compare to spanking.

  8. Frank I see where you are coming from. In my opinion you have , and should have, the freedom to believe what you want to believe and live your life as you think best. But I would argue the same freedom should be available for wives who believe it is their duty to submit to their husband’s authority and if needed discipline. To accept this role is always the decision of the wife in the marriage. I am not going to debate this, I just wanted to express my opinion.

  9. […] she feels some fear, and feels almost as if it is unreal. She bends over as if in a dream. She gets spanked hard and lectured for her bad behavior for the first time, cries throughout it, and is very apologetic. […]

  10. […] about her behavior. A husband will give his wife what she needs to learn through his regular hard correction. A wife also learned more deeply the wrong of her actions, when her actions are normally punished. […]

  11. Sophia Avatar

    Any woman who recognizes her need to be spanked knows she needs it to be hard. Hard enough for her to feel her man’s strength. Hard enough to make her cry and experience release of the pent up emotions which caused her misbehavior in the first place. Light taps won’t earn her respect or bring about the transformation she needs. Take it from a woman. If you want her love, bend her over your knee and spank her hard.

    1. I agree with your assessment completely. Thank you, Sophie. That is how a spanking gets through to a woman. It’s got to be hard and thorough.

      1. iamhissubmissive60 Avatar

        I absolutely agree with you and Sophie, I do so much better when my spankings are long and hard sessions over his knee, It gives me security knowing I am fully his woman and that he loves me enough to spank me for the wrongs that I committed.

  12. […] It’s important to note that those warnings are effective, just as my other instructions are effective, because a spanking is undesirable. If it were not undesirable, there would be little threat there in the warning. It would be empty words. She knows that I mean it, and she’s been over my knee plenty of times. She does not enjoy having to be disciplined so she will seek to heed my warnings. Not once have they failed. One could imagine using a warning that you’ll give her a non-spanking discipline, and perhaps that would work. However, as I say elsewhere, I find spanking more effective than say, writing lines, or doing a research paper. The spanking is more humbling, it is more of a deterrent, it deepens her submission, and it has more immediate results. That’s why my warnings are not that she will be grounded. They are that she will be spanked, and she knows it will be hard. […]

  13. […] your wife — with spanking or even other methods — if you are unwilling to cause some amount of pain or to see her cry. These are things that typically come along with a punishment. That’s true […]

  14. […] sure her spankings are undesirable times. Disrespect must be punished severely, as should disobedience. Draw a clear boundary line with bad […]

  15. How often is to often for a wife to he spanked

    1. Hello Jan, Thanks for your question. I like to stay away from giving exact numbers or frequencies. Similarly I don’t try and count strokes during a spanking. However, I think that a husband who aims to use spanking to correct bad behavior and teach submission, will find a frequency that works.

      Is the spanking earned? Does it help her behave? Observations like these help a husband know what to spank for and when to spank. It may be, if a woman is unfamiliar to submission, or has a rebellious streak, that getting spanked once a week could be normal. But even in those situations, as she learns to submit it becomes much less frequent over time. If a wife is generally submissive, she might still need spanking once in a while, as my own wife does. This may be only every several months.

      There are some safety concerns with spanking too often, for if there are still serious marks, or welts on her bottom, another spanking could cause more severe damage. It may be best to wait a short while to deliver another spanking. But even that is a judgment call.

      I do not believe a husband would need to spank nearly every day. If he were, I tend to think he would be punishing for unnecessary things, but every case is different, and much comes down to a woman’s learning needs, and what her husband sees from her.

      Among people who practice marital discipline, you’d find a variety of different frequencies, from common to rare. You would find very few who approach spanking every day.

      I hope that offers you some insight into the question.

  16. I think the reason most men don’t spank their wives as a form of discipline is not because they don’t want to or haven’t yet considered it, but because they fear hurting her. They’ve been indoctrinated to equate giving a spanking with domestic abuse, but having experienced the latter I can assure you there is a difference. The problem is re-educating men on this issue so that they don’t continue to let their marriages fall apart due to a minority of men who abuse women. A long, hard spanking that leaves a woman’s behind red, hot and sore is embarrassing but not harmful. In the long-term she will grow stronger from it. A weak man hits, a good man spanks.

    1. That’s very well put. I know men can overcome what the culture has taught them on this. It took me years to really abosrb what discipline is about, but when I saw it clearly, everything fit together. Often you only see the categories of kink and abuse. You just need to open up to real leadership and submission, and start putting that into practice first. Helping men learn is a big reason I started this blog, and I know there are also wives out there who do their best to introduce the idea to their men in the right way.

  17. […] leave one woman in deep remorse for her actions, and another frustrated, wondering why her husband won’t spank thoroughly. A lot has to do with the sensitivity of the woman. That includes physical sensitivity, and […]

  18. We are just starting out with CDD and my husband does not like hurting me. But he definitely likes the result of my submission, my sweet spirit to him, our increased love-making, my soft speech, and our connectedness. I think he is still scared of hurting me too badly and I’m sure he will turn up the heat as we go along. (At this point, I am paying for past sins and we are just in training mode.)

    After a session last night, my rear end is still hot and smarting, but I KNOW it could be worse. I am nervous for him to unleash more of his power on me, but I know it’s what I will need to truly yield to him. (It almost feels frustrating for the session to feel unfinished or not long enough.)

    I truly respect my husband more, now that we are using CDD. I TRIED to respect him before, but honestly I felt like he was too passive when he withdrew from me, in frustration or in trying to control himself. Now, I know he is in control and I see him rising up to take care of the home, our children, and our business more than he has ever before. In the past, when he felt disrespected, he would clench his jaw and remain quiet (OR, he would lash out and yell in rage that scared me, but didn’t resolve anything. In fact, I would correct HIM for yelling!). When he would withdraw from me, it made me frustrated and I felt like I was in charge of everything. I felt like I couldn’t depend on him. Now that he doesn’t have to pull inward (or yell)–he can be the leader of our marriage because I am under his control and fully submitting to him. Does that make sense?

    Also- he has only used a hairbrush so far. He doesn’t like the idea of hand-spanking. He also ordered a strap and has threatened to use his belt, which I fear. Any advice?

    1. Hello Lynn, That’s a very positive change. The responsibility of disciplining a wife changes a lot very quickly, including helping a man greatly in his leadership. Outside of a real pillar of authority, it kind of makes sense that men either lash out, or become withdrawn. But headship, rules, and discipline allow a man to handle a matter productively. A problem is solved and put into the past. Discipline really bears fruit. It is far superior to fighting or passivity.

      I believe over time your husband will decide to spank harder. He has to grow comfortable with giving discipline, as well as moderating his own strength, and seeing how each instrument functions. There are more than a few women who asked for discipline in their marriages, and then realized how hard it was to face when their husband started spanking hard. But often that’s what it takes to correct a woman.

      I find a hard spanking can be given with many different instruments. I use a paddle for harsher end of correction, and also have a cord that works well. Any number of instruments, when used with strength, and repeatedly, can deliver a spanking to fear. As others would point out, the cane (which I’ve never used), is probably the harshest there is. It delivers enough pain and welting that the number of strokes really needs to be limited.

      I’m sure other readers will have their own suggestions.

    2. Bob uses the strap when I mess up. Getting spanked from Bob is way worst than when my dad used the strap on me, But I think my dad gave my mom much harder spankings than me and my sisters got, so I guess a wife is punished harder than a daughter. I think my advise is obey your husband and don’t get any attitude and sash him when he tells you to do something. I don’t think your husband will spank you if you are good. We bring it on ourselves when we get punished, Its nobody’s else’s fault

    3. Heather Avatar

      I don’t know about you but, I want to fear my punishment. My husband also so far has only spanked me lightly or just to the point of it being a small challenge to hang on, but nothing that truly took my breath away. But taking my breath away is what I actually want, because only then will I truly have to be submitting to something that overwhelms my ability to control it, something in which it’s finally the relinquishment of my full submission to something that my flesh will hate.
      As I have told my husband, I either need to embrace self-denial in obeying and honoring your, or I will embrace your will and learn self denial in this other way.
      The belt is to be feared. It can be given at less than full swing, but as a child I felt it twice and I remember the searing pain of it. Any thought I had that I was going to just get through the spanking and endure it immediately went out the window from the very first stroke. So far other spankings I have received took a while to build up to something, but I know the belt shows it’s full meaning from stroke one, it is horrible and will make anyone not even want to stay put for stroke two. I remember the five strokes I got as a preteen being one of the worst experiences of my life. While getting the belt it does not feel survivable.

      But I want my husband to use it on me and I want him to use it to a much greater extent than I had it as a kid. It is not because I like pain, because I don’t, it is because I want to be in terror at the thought of being disciplined by him. Because something about that feels right and good to me. I want to embrace the fear and enter into it with submission and allow it to train me and allow it to train my husband as to his place over me.

      I’ll let you check back with me once the rubber meets the road so to speak! Gosh I feel so crazy thinking and saying these things.

  19. Grappling with two sides of this Avatar
    Grappling with two sides of this

    I have been thinking about how much of the rejection of this from both Christians and non-christians comes down to the very bad reputation that men in general and sadly also Christian men have built up by their actions towards their wives. This thing where a woman can entrust herself to a man to have full authority over her, even receiving his discipline, is hidden behind a veil built up from thousands if not millions of stories of men mistreating their wives. If women in the culture are demanding of rights, if even men feel some need to be deferential, it is because so many wrongs have been done in the name of male headship that it is a major stumbling block to people being able to believe in it anymore. This was at the root of my rebellion, and the only reason I have changed my mind just because my heart so strongly testifies to me that every verse about women obeying their husbands moves me to the core, and not only that but a lifelong desire to be spanked which I have repressed, Aron in this blog has put together like a bunch of puzzle pieces until I could not deny that there’s something beautiful and of God here. So I canceled my rebellion against these scriptures and against my husband. But I still know that many people use these things as an excuse and a justification to do things that Jesus would never want done in a marriage… And that there are so many shattered lives for men who mistreat their wives. God loves his daughters, there is a world of difference between a man caring for his wife as a co-heir of eternal life, blessing her with loving kind and strong leadership, and a man who treats his wife as something to be trampled on for his own ego. I worry that as I write about submitting to husbands and receiving discipline that people will take my words as justification for husbands be cruel and uncaring and brutal towards another person (their wives.) Too often people who stand behind one position deny the very real concerns of the other position. On that level I understand the aversion that my husband and countless others have to the idea of wife spanking and anything that sounds like patriarchy. For every household where a husband and wife turned to one another in this way and find goodness and beauty, there are households also of horror. I think this movement needs to always be ready to acknowledge that and to self-censor the more dangerous thought processes and elements within it. For instance I have seen men here say that is not their place to tell another man how to discipline his wife, but I disagree somewhat, it is always the place for one brother to hold another brother accountable in how he walks before the Lord and before the world. The church would be a lot better off if men did not accept other men being a bad example to the faith in how they treat their wives and children. If a wife cannot hold a wayward man accountable, other Godly men certainly need to do it. I think that is the only way that people will ever see that a man cannot freely harm his wife in destructive ways and claim that God and the Bible gave him a mandate to do so. On the other hand I definitely don’t have all the answers on this because as Aron has said even wicked authorities must be submitted to at times, but if a woman is asked to submit to an unkind and unjust husband, certainly other men of God could still call him to account.

    1. Hello, Thank you for pointing this out. I am very moved that you have stepped down from your rebellion. There are many people who hold male headship in disdain. The thing is, much of that bad reputation gets exaggerated by the people who wish to make patriarchy, or wife spanking, look bad. They are people who will simply ignore the goodness and reward which has come for thousands of years by having men in charge, and focus on cases of bad behavior, at times claiming as wrong things which are not really wrong.

      I don’t believe most people who bash these practices are being intellectually honest, but are often intentionally ignoring that man is ordained the head, and that this has been the basis for millions of happy, peaceful, lifelong marriages throughout history. There may be people who are honestly confused, or lack the facts, but much of what you hear against patriarchy or wife spanking is simply what today is called bigotry, or just talking trash. It is not a fair representation of a group, but a demonizing of them.

      That doesn’t mean there are no instances when men need to correct another man in how he is leading the home. But it makes no more sense to say we don’t need the man’s leadership because certain wrongs occur, than it does to say we don’t need a government’s leadership because certain wrongs occur. Governments have massacred millions and committed many injustices, but this is no reason to claim society doesn’t need a ruler, or that all laws should be cast to the wind. We just live with the fact that governments are imperfect, and it would be wrong to encourage rebellion in any but the most severe circumstances. Even then, a new government will result, with the same flaws that any government has.

      Imperfection is something we live with in any institution, and with any authority. It is the man who is cut out to lead, in his character and spirit, and the woman who is more suited towards following, and towards nurture of the children. A man’s leadership of his wife keeps her away from her own evils and rebellion, the consequences of which can destroy the family, and makes sure she is protected from various temptations. Egalitarianism and feminism have a track record of breaking up the family, encouraging promiscuity, endangering women, leaving children without their parents, and encouraging baby-killing, among other evils. The attacks on the family are far more destructive than men who sometimes misuse authority. However, most who attack male headship just brush that kind of thing under the rug.

      Part of what I do is make sure that men have a good idea of what leadership looks like. They know what their responsibilities are, and the true authority they have to make decisions, command, and correct their wives. I am sometimes in a position to right what I believe is a misuse of authority, and I have. However, no one has to listen to me, and I am not the law. Some men do listen, as they do to other men, and I encourage men to be godly examples of leadership, and help other men learn to lead when they have the chance. Male headship isn’t just for the good of men, but for the good of women and children as well.

      1. Two sides Avatar

        This was a really great reply Aron and it really helped. Thank you. It would probably be worthy of its own blog post topic on your site, methinks.

        1. Yes, the topic ought to be covered sometime in an article. Thanks.

      2. On the post Grappling with two sides of this. There is one point I need to clarify. I did say that one husband can only counsel another husband on how he uses discipline because each husband must lead his family as he see fit. But I want to add, and I think I did at the time, though perhaps without enough emphasis, that this is true only within reasonable limits. If I think another husband spanked his wife unfairly, I can try to counsel him but, in the end, it’s his decision if his wife needs punishment. But if a husband is clearly abusing his authority and putting his wife in harm’s way, there should be some process for intervention, preferably within a Church structure but if not with legal intervention. Now I can see that it will happen that a wife might try to use such a process to protest or avoid punishment she deserves. Therefore, such a process has to be fine-tuned to protect the wellbeing of the wife but not serve to allow her to escape punishment she deserves.

      3. mmclainss Avatar

        It seems to me that you don’t understand human nature, or that you intentionally try to ignore it. I’d say there are a lot more men who abuse their authority than those who truly lead meekly and self sacrificially.

        1. I do not misconstrue human nature. The roles of men and women are deeply rooted in their natures, which is why God gives man the leadership role, and why God gave the woman the subordinate position. I am aware of our differences, our strengths, and our weaknesses, and my support of gender roles is rooted in that.

          Take note also, as I mention in my above comment, that claims like “most men” misuse authority would be regarded as nothing by bigotry and hatred if we applied the standards of this society consistently all around. Your comment would be just one more ignorant, hateful, -phobic, comment against men. If you pointed that same comment in another direction, you’d get sent to a secular reeducation camp.

          In my experience, MOST husbands who are aware they have authority use their authority fairly. They use it justly. They may make the passing mistake, which is normal, and need to make adjustments here and there, but they are not abusing it in any serious or ongoing fashion. They are good rulers of the home. I speak of all the husbands I know personally, and the many I communicate with through my ministry — most men are leading their homes fairly well.

          The use of that authority is also necessary in correcting women. It is not that rare for women to need correction because of not doing their job, or because of bad mouth and bad attitude they have learned over the years. Some of these problems, when left unaddressed, lead to much destruction in the home, including women abandoning their roles, fighting, violence, coldness, lack of intimacy, and divorce. A man who governs his wife well can lead her away from most or all of these wrongs, and make the home more peaceful and productive.

          The problem I see very commonly is not men who misuse the authority they have been given by God. Rather, it is men who either have no idea they have authority, or they have no way to put it into practice. That is why we need more teachers instructing men on their headship, and women on their submission, so that they can actually learn.

          In contrast to popular biases, I find it is a LACK of true headship which is much more likely to lead a man to abuse his power. That is because a man always feels threatened. He has no realistic or practical mechanism to deal with his wife’s bad behavior. He sees his options as accepting unhappiness, getting angry, or divorce. Rob him of his authority and the situation is much more dangerous.

          Yet the man who knows his headship, and knows how to use it, is already on the path of a humbler and more self controlled leadership. He doesn’t have to rely on anger or violence. He already has a position that allows him to calmly put into practice instruction, correction, and discipline. All of these are within the right way to use authority, giving the man the righteous path to follow in marriage. He doesn’t need extra force to take care of problems, and he doesn’t need to win a fight. His authority comes with his role and it gives him the methods he needs to correct problems, and do so much more meekly than if he always had a battle on his hands.

          Teach men and women the right way from youth, and we will have many better marriages to hold together society. Thanks to God.

          This article goes into how introducing discipline helps men become better leaders and husbands on multiple levels:

  20. Ricky Avatar

    I Agree a lot of men are scared of a hard strapping. I am not one. I have been using my strap on my wife for years. As a matter of fact she got it today. Does it make her cry. Yes it does but she must learn.

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