We often hear about how spanking can build a woman’s submission, or better her in other ways. I write regularly about that topic myself. I believe we hear a little less about how spanking his wife helps a husband in his role. This element deserves more than passing mention, and is of great significance in the marriage. Beyond delivering punishment, and deterring bad behavior, spanking reinforces our roles — a wife in her softness and submission, a husband in his strength and leadership. The one giving the spanking receives quite a lot.
Spanking often is the reminder a man needs that he is in charge. Men in this culture are force fed a sickening egalitarianism regarding marriage, or if they are taught headship, as they are still in some churches, they receive an unclear, not very authoritative rendering of headship. That lends itself to the soft man. The passive man. The man who lets his wife do as she pleases, and never clearly takes charge of her. All he has heard is this headship that is lacking in strength. Spanking makes his authority much clearer, and gets rid of any doubts about who is in charge.
Spanking makes that old passive man disappear. It absolutely requires that a husband know he has authority. It demands he sets rules. It lets him know it’s his role to govern his wife and use the oversight he has to guide and correct her when needed. Just as a spanked wife learns quickly through her kneeling, her undress, and the searing rebuke on her bottom that she needs to obey her husband, a man learns by giving her this correction that he needs to lead his wife. This cannot be done without involvement, without all the aspects of governing a home there are. It can turn around a passive man nearly overnight. A man with his wife over his knee knows he is in charge.
He learns from his wife’s submission, and from her acceptance of punishment, that he does not need to fear her either. She is not a competitor who can wear the crown. She is not someone who will put him down or embarrass him. She is clay in his hands, there for him to shape and manage as he wills. There is no longer the obstacle of fear males learn in the West. There is no need for warfare. He has real authority, and a woman’s attitude or mouth doesn’t ever take away from it. He leads her and can correct her because he has that role and she does not. Once he realizes this — that it is about roles and not personalities, that it is about authority and not about conflict — he can govern her well and confidently. Spanking is the clearest example of this, and allows him to see that she really is in his hands.
Spanking shows a man the fair and reasoned way to govern. It points the way to the use of good rules, of careful instruction, and of fair-minded calm punishment. It shows him the truly loving way to lead. The alternatives, as many have already experienced, are men who are too scared and passive to lead, or those who simply get angry, and even violent in response to their wife’s bad behavior. A good discipline system avoids both of these errors. While hate-filled critics like to claim that spanking is or leads to abuse, the exact opposite is true. It takes marital discord that leads millions of people to anger, insult, verbal abuse, and violence, and wonderfully replaces it with a just system of discipline.
The potentially angry husband learns there is no need to be angry. There is no real threat to his power at all. The husband who might be tempted to start screaming learns he has a means to deal with it in calm. Like any just king, he simply needs to fairly enforce the rules of his kingdom, and deliver punishment when it is deserved. He learns the purpose is good and loving, and for the benefit of all. It’s not a battle of wills, or a marital fight, that brings misery to the home, misery to the children, and often the violence of divorce. Instead it is a calm, loving correction. He discerns the situation, gives a verbal correction when necessary to a wife who will listen, or disciplines her with a spanking if she has earned one. In turn, instead of thinking she is in charge and can tell him what to do, a wife learns to listen, seeks to avoid breaking the rules, and tries to make him happy. Spanking, you might say, brings civil order and justice to the Wild West of marriage. It brings principle to reign over personality. It takes an often volatile or violent situation, and brings it to peace. It is a civilized act, unlike much of what goes on in marriages.
Spanking also helps a husband lead by making sure he is involved in his wife’s life. He knows her needs better. He learns to keep abreast of what she is doing. He learns her goals. Her strengths and weaknesses. There is a greater closeness when the leader actually leads, and has concern with the growth of his wife. She in turn knows his loving care for her, and his encouragement towards her goals and her growth in godliness. She knows his love. She confesses her wrongs. As the man becomes involved in guiding his wife, they know their belonging and oneness better. A man who spanks his wife is shaping her on the inside, and can carefully see and tend to all of her vulnerabilities. His wife learns deep trust in him, and learns to hold nothing back, as her man sees all of her. It engages and involves both deeply in marriage, through the man’s active management of his wife.
While spanking punishes a wife’s bad behavior, it also helps the discipline of the husband administering it. It’s hard to be undisciplined when you have responsibility for another human soul, and practice important oversight. Laziness fades away when you learn to be consistent with correcting a wife, either verbally or physically. Indifference or apathy give way to motivation and action, which are required for leading a woman. The consistency that a regular system of discipline requires works on the man like a workout routine. He becomes more disciplined himself. He becomes sharper in mind and greater in endurance. He becomes firmer as well, as he learn to calmly stand up to his wife’s excuses and attempts to avoid responsibility. A spanked wife is growing as a woman. A spanking husband is growing as a man. Disciplining her trains self-discipline into him.
Spanking, since it is connected to the lifeblood of headship and submission in marriage, rests on a good foundation. Since it rests on these things, it also points those who use it toward them. It always reminds you what your job is. That is why a simple desire for spanking in marriage typically turns into a discovery of real male leadership, and a woman’s softness towards him. I hear those stories all the time of men and women who discovered their roles by discovering spanking. It leads the way to that great truth, that greater whole near the heart of marriage. Men discover this too, as they find in correcting an errant wife their own real authority and discover their need to lead. Then it all opens up, and the picture becomes clear. He becomes a ruler of the home, and justly judges over his kingdom. He brings peace where there was conflict, and harmony where there was a battle of wills. He discovers his dusty crown and scepter, and begins learning to use them. Spanking restores order, and shows a man he is king.
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