Does Work Outside the Home Make Submission More Difficult?

In an era and culture in which most married females work full-time apart from the home, it seems almost exotic or strange to speak on the importance of her place at home, caring for the children, serving her husband, and doing the work of the home. Some claim it is not financially possible to do in this era, when in fact, when planned rightly for it is very possible, and millions of married women do this. You still find homemakers in western nations, and in westernized cultures. It continues to be valuable and practiced.

As it relates to a wife’s submission, there are many who would note that having a career can be an obstacle to submitting to her husband. It can even cause distance in the relationship, and severe rebellion by a wife. As a Christian I recognize that the wife’s role is in the home, and that this is full-time work. The only two times the subject is taught about in Scripture — both times in the New Testament — the wife is taught to be a keeper of the home. Her role in child bearing, and with it child nurturing, is a part of her sanctification. Yet my purpose is not to explain that doctrine, but to look at how a career apart from the home make submission more difficult for her. She becomes less able to be led. She more easily becomes less devoted to her roles as a helper and a nurturer. It harms submission. It harms femininity.

The most obvious way in which full-time work apart from home hurts a wife’s submission is that work often demands she is authoritative. She may hold a position that regularly requires being boldly assertive, exercising authority, and disciplining others. She does this daily. She trains at it. She becomes better at it. Then it soon becomes difficult to fully walk into her role as a gentle, meek, soft wife to her husband. This isn’t really rocket science how a problem can develop. Not only is it hard to shift her mind from one of assertiveness and one of taking charge of responsibilities independently, but the simple and natural character she is to have, around husband and her children, becomes watered down and sometimes lost. Her femininity is faded by acting in a masculine role. Like an actor, over time, she may lose touch of whom she is. Of how she must look to her husband. Of the closeness and nurturing her children need from her. In imitating men she becomes a bit like them.

You should not be surprised if a woman with independence and authority in her workplace then tries to be independent and authoritative with her husband, which is a sin. She may show great displeasure with his decisions. She may start complaining about him. She may answer back or yell at him. She now has trouble adapting to being under him and accepting his rules, and she sees herself on equal standing. The natural and beautiful order of a loving protector and a gentle helper turn into a yelling match, or a broken relationship entirely. When these things occur in a marriage in which the wife has a career, it would be foolish to believe there is no link. There certainly is.

It is true, you read about some women, such as high-powered career executives, or top attorneys, who are so overwhelmed by their authority at work and their responsibilities at work, that they love to come home and get “bossed around” by their husbands or even get whipped by them. I do not doubt that such situations exist. Many career women love to get spanked. It must be a relief on multiple levels, the least of which is stress, to give up some of her power for a time. However, here’s the problem with that. A woman’s motivation in submitting to her husband is NOT to relieve stress or to drop the heavy responsibility of power. Her motivation should be as a natural helper to him, as a woman built to respond to him, as a nurturer for his children. Going home to get bossed around simply is not the same. It does not amount to walking in the identity and the role God gave her. It does not fully embrace the softness and gentle heart she should have. It is stress release and a pleasurable power exchange. That’s not the same, and it’s ultimately not her role.

A woman is built to help man, and built to nurture. Being the weaker sex, she is also more fit for the home, and better protected there. That’s why dangers arise, and problems can appear in a marriage when a wife pursues a career. She is going contrary to her nature and her role. That does not mean it’s impossible for her to have a career, but it means it is not advantageous, and it doesn’t take advantages of her strengths, or the incredible design God gave her. Taking her apart from her role in the home adds risk, conflict, and extra stress to the woman. Some of that stress is dangerous, as many career women experience more infertility and miscarriages. It is also poor for their own health. The woman is naturally softer, and should be protected under the authority of the man.

Beyond the danger presented to her submission by carrying authority at work, are other dangers. The impure nature of many work environments and secular ones are more of a danger for women than men. Moral purity is more important for women. Much is lost in their character when they are surrounded by a filthy and vulgar environment, such as you’d find in many work places — and if they absorb some of that filth, it passes along possibly to their children. The danger of less intimacy with their husband due to stress can also weaken the marriage, and harm their softness to him. She can become more distant and cold if intimacy is harmed. Finally, the many more opportunities for the sin of adultery are both extra harmful to the female, and can greatly harm her submission to her husband by taking her attention to another man, and giving her the desire to submit to another man. Granted, adultery is evil for men as well, but the practical dangers are heavier for females, endangering her character, in dirtying the one who is an example of the Bride of Christ, putting her in physical and emotional danger from a strange man, and giving her a child in her womb that comes from another man. A woman in the workplace is in great danger from any of these ills and evils. Therefore a man who makes sure his wife is in the home not only obeys God, but protects his wife and his home from harm.

You will also find that having a career brings high risk of the demented lie of independence. A woman may imagine she is separate from her husband, or a mere partner, when she is the one providing a salary, and has enough to meet all of her own needs and more. There’s nothing wrong with a woman having some money, but female independence and pursuing a career go hand in hand. It is easy even for a well-meaning woman to lose touch of the fact she is intrinsically united to her man by God, and with the fact she is united with him to help him and submit to him in all things. She is no longer a picture of the Church gently yielding to Christ, but an alternate Christ herself, seeking to be bold, take new terrain, and be her own person. Suddenly, the oversight and the headship of her man become an impediment. They become annoying. A threat to her ego and autonomy. She realized she could move out and live on her own easily, and literally at any moment. Females working outside of the home is certainly a major reason of conflict in marriage, and worse than that, for divorce. Divorce harms millions of homes in my country alone. It is an affront to God, causes terrible harm to men and women, and punishes the children down through multiple generations. Along with women working outside the home comes imaginations of independence. There really is no avoiding this. It is one of many ills of this practice.

In contrast, a woman in her natural role at home will find that practicing submission is fitting. It is fitting to her thought process and it is fitting to her character. Once she is spending time serving her husband and working in the gentler and safer environment of the home, submission will fit in its place. God gave her a heart for it. That doesn’t mean it will always be easy. It means that she will find it more natural, and easier to accomplish than otherwise. Living in her God-ordained role — which harmonizes with her mental, emotional, and physical makeup — is a life she is built for. She may have obstacles, but she has the tools to overcome them, and her husband will lead her to overcome them. She will regularly be turning to his hand for strength, and to his will for leadership. She will be turning to his mind for understanding. She will be receiving praise and the joy of his happiness for all she does. She will not be completely exhausted or stressed out from other work. She will not need to reverse her thought processes coming home from a job. It will be clear before her eyes how what she does helps her man and helps his household. Her work with the children as well, aids and grows her softness, and can help her be gentle to her lord, who is her husband. Her nurturing side is fulfilled, as is her desire to serve.

You will find that pursuing a career does not make submission impossible. I would never claim it does. But it is often an obstacle. It grates against the gentleness she is to have with her man, and makes it harder to pursue meekness, and heartfelt submission. Her submission may turn into mere stress release, or mere role reversal from work. Neither one of these amounts to the fullness of it. A career also brings stress, and extra danger, which harm the marital relationship in ways beyond her submission. It further sets her up as her own person apart from her husband. The BEST reason to be a keeper of the home is because God has called women to it, but even if your reason is otherwise, you will find the home is the natural place of growth for a peaceful, submissive wife. You will experience its blessings. It is the right soil for her to grow into the flower for her husband.


66 responses to “Does Work Outside the Home Make Submission More Difficult?”

  1. AMEN, wonderful post!

    1. Thank you, Mia. I’m glad you appreciated it.

  2. Interesting article. What are women that don’t have kids supposed to do all day? Would you say the type of career makes a difference?

    1. Thank you, Carla. That’s a common question. I could make a very long list of things a woman does in the home and from the home. It is a full time job, even without children. However, in nearly all marriages there will be children, and even a couple that is infertile can adopt.

      Between caring for the household, helping her husband, helping in the church and community, ministering to women and children, there is no lack of activity. I’d also add that with the many children who don’t have the opportunity for a godly education, the homemaker can help teach and train local children, so they can receive a Christian environment and Christian teaching.

      Making lots of stuff by hand also takes time, and is very rewarding. Then there is caring for the elderly, which in a past era, most families did themselves. There are a few activities that can make some money from the home, but mostly they don’t. Making good investments and purchases with the husband’s oversight is a great hep to him, and can either make or save money.

      It may be that the type of career makes a difference in terms of submission being more difficult or not. However, on the whole, I believe having a career is an obstacle regardless. It has caused harm overall to the family — on more levels than I speak of here — even though most don’t intend it to.

      I hope that helps in answering your questions, Carla. A homemaker need not ever get bored. In fact it is a very important role, and more valuable than any salary. This world needs it badly.

      Bless you.

  3. A marriage/home can have one HOH and still have 2 strong people.
    Let me ask you this, do you plan to live forever?
    How would your wife function without you if she is only to ever tend to you and your needs.
    A woman does not need to be broken down into a simple sheep in order to be submissive wife or to make for a happy home.
    And your statement that a woman’s place is to have bare and tend to children really is harmful. That is not all women are good for and many bring much more to the table.
    Also, real leaders/men lead by example and help in the home, not expect their wives to be a mindless, thoughtless carpet.

    1. Hello Kendra, I would really give this subject more thought before coming on as belligerent as you are. Examine it, and read about the basis of the Christian homemaker. It is God’s calling to the wife, it fits her natural abilities and strengths, and benefits society in a truly priceless way. A salary cannot replace it.

      Some of your objections sound like they come straight from the anti-DD crowd in your belittling of submissive women and homemakers. Who said a homemaker was “mindless?” Only you. Who said she was a “thoughtless carpet?” You did. But that’s not reality, It’s only your attempt to belittle a godly woman who is being faithful.

      Sheep. Hmm, as an insult I understand where it is coming from. But as a Christian, it is honorable to be a sheep. The sheep follow their Shepherd. They hear the Master’s voice. There is nothing wrong in “following” in life if you have the RIGHT thing to follow.

      I’d suggest that following your “dreams” like a sheep, following your feminist professors like a sheep, and following the social expectations of women like a sheep are actually the WRONG things to follow. They are equally sheep-like, but they’ve got the wrong master. Any sheep is doomed if he follows the desires of the heart as his master.

      Nor is “strong” equivalent with highly educated and having a career outside the home. Rather, strong is equivalent with being powerful, and many homemakers are strong, and use their strengths daily in serving their husbands, raising children, and keeping the home. It requires strength, thought, patience, and love. No matter how much you desire to belittle that person, she’s got it all.

      I would not ignore God’s calling for the wife under the worry that her husband may die — which he will eventually — and she will die on the street or something. This will not happen. Not only does the wife have material resources through her husband or other family, but there is also church, community, and government aid to help someone in need. She can also remarry after his death, as a large percentage do. I know many married couples, and it does not stop them from having one income. While it sounds like a righteous concern, it is no reason to disregard the immensely important role of the wife in the home. It is an incredible loss to the world that women have abandoned it.

      You speak of bearing children and caring for the home as if they are unimportant. This is wrong. God says they are important, and they are our FUTURE. We should have many children, raise them in virtue, and in a godly environment. We should not live comfortable by having few children, then turn them over to strangers and the ungodly to raise instead of their mother. The home is a powerful thing in the world, and the woman is at the keeper of it. She is the life. If you want to protect and save human life, women, do not become a doctor. Become a MOTHER.

      1. Or become a mother and a doctor!

        1. I am afraid this is not possible. That’s because one cannot do one without severely neglecting the other. Mother is a full-time job and one cannot sub-let it out to someone else throughout the day. Plus we have men to be doctors. Think about this and pray over it. Few things are more important.

      2. Aron,

        I’m glad you recognize that there are limits to how much one person can accomplish simultaneously. As a pre-med, one of my worst fears is a husband who essentially expects me to fulfill the roles of both the man and woman in the household.

        However, throughout my life I have not seen any signs that becoming a physician is not the path meant for me. I hope that a loving marriage with domestic discipline is also in the plan, but I suppose we can’t always have what we want.

        1. Hello Emily, Thank you for your comment. I am very glad you can see the impossibility of trying to play the role of both man and woman in marriage. That is a truth that will aid you many times over. You are fulfilled in being a woman, not in trying to be everything.

          While you may envision the questions as a purely personal one, I believe there are easy to recognize signs that your path is not that of a career. I find that the fact that Bible teaches a wife’s role in the home, the natural design God gave women which is suited to nurturing children and more domestic environment, and the priceless benefits of full-time work in the home all teach mankind what the path of a wife is. It is a path worth seeking, even if it is off your current trajectory. Very often once it is planned for and actively sought, you will find it is not so outside of your path as you believed. See it in your mind’s eye and plan for it.

          Unless she is dedicated to celibacy for the sake of God, marriage and children ought to be in the future for any woman. I am confident that you will see it in your future if you seek it. I hope you find also that your husband’s discipline is present too. It is a key part of keeping a happy and harmonious home life.

          Peace to you.

  4. It absolutely does! You’ve made great points. If a wife/woman must work it should be from home or part time at worst. Women were never created to be independent, they were under male headship since creation of Eve and the whole career woman ideology is sinful. Yes the proverbs 31 “woman” worked some but she wasn’t a career woman and her husband and home came first.

    1. Thank you. Yes, she worked from the home, along with spending many hours preparing food and clothing by hand for an entire household. She watches over the ways of her household, as that is the center of her life.

  5. Shropsgirl Avatar

    I’m sorry I’ve been following this blog for months and found it so educational but this is utter rubbish. Do you know where the world would be without educated career women? The leaps forward in science that wouldn’t have happened without them!?

    Also as a carer woman with an authoritative role I love coming home to take care of my man, cook for him, bathe him on difficult days and I fully submit to his leadership. He’s my world and I’m not just ‘whipped’ for my pleasure I’m disciplined for my actions like all the other women on here.

    There are women just as intelligent and capable as men in the workplace out here and it does not affect their devotion to submit!

    1. Shropsgirl, I’m glad you have been following this discipline manual. You can expect to find some things you don’t agree with on it, and some that you do. My responsibility is simply to the truth. I could not bless my readers if I hid what I knew to be unpopular truths.

      The claim that we “need” educated career women is false. Men developed civilization with very little participation by women, developed advanced civilization in which we survive comfortably and thrive, and we would be fine without women joining in. Those jobs could be done by men anyway, many of whom are out of work.

      The woman’s work in the home is MUCH more valuable than a career, as that is God’s calling, and it blesses the world through the home and children. It gives them love, education, and a godly environment. That sure beats the training in immorality, bullying, suicide and drugs more commonly found in the skool system. Yes, human intelligence exists in women as well, but naturally, that intelligence is best put to work in helping her husband and in keeping the home. That’s the right usage of it.

      Of the many ills of training women to imitate men in education and career, is what it does to the woman and society. A woman on that path nearly always will be on contraception for many years, be taught to fornicate continually, put off childbearing leaving us with fewer children raised up in the Lord. Many years of study and fornication also increase the risk she will kill her children through abortion, and also help harden her to real love and trust, as she’s allowed herself to be used over and over.

      My article never states that it is “impossible” to have a career and also to submit. Rather it plainly states that a career is an obstacle on multiple levels, and the overall effect of it is very bad for the family. It makes submission more difficult, gives the woman the idea she is independent, encourages divorce, and worst of all, takes the woman out of the more valuable work of the home. It never says it is impossible, and explicitly states it is not.

      1. I see your point about it being an obstacle, but honestly you could easily argue that educating women is also an obstacle.. probably why certain countries forbid it. I’m not sure where you draw the line. At some point being submissive has to be a choice regardless of obstacles. The lady has a point about some women ending up in situations where they have to support their children on their own. It’s nice to think the government would help, etc. but history has shown otherwise. A women always needing a man so she isn’t on the streets starving often puts women in dangerous situations, situations that are truly abusive. I think the idea that it’s better for women to stay in the home with no skills to support herself or children is based on ideals, not facts.

        1. Carla, it sounds like a virtuous concern, but as I have pointed out, there is no need to have a higher education or work outside the home. I cannot think of a single widow or woman separated from her husband who ended up living on the street or into prostitution because they had no support. I know many women who are homemakers and this is not a serious worry for some of the reasons I already mentioned — they have money from their husband or other family, they have government aid monthly, they remarry, or they work temporarily, enough to pay the rent.

          Making rent does NOT require higher education OR having a career outside the home. Honestly now. Nearly anyone can do it who is not seriously disabled or criminal. I know several women who were abandoned by their husbands, and all of them simply went to work, despite their lack of higher education. None turned to crime or froze in a gutter somewhere.

          I CAN think of educated women I know who ended up in abusive relationships because that’s the kind of men they went for. I know women who got involved in crime NOT because they were godly homemakers whose husbands died, but rather because they wanted the money, or they followed a boyfriend into criminal behavior. Being a godly homemaker is not some dire threat of starving in the street.

          On top of that, it is God’s calling for the wife, which sadly many professed Christians ignore. That’s the best reason to do it. It is faithfulness to God. The wife, mother, and homemaker ensures we have children raised up in the Lord, in a godly environment, and have a future for our descendants and more importantly for the faith. Where Christians have abandoned the home, they are indeed disappearing and are being replaced. The wife in the home is a treasure beyond value. If we love having a future, we need more homemakers.

  6. Nothing I write here is meant as a criticism of any wife who, with the permission of their husband, work outside the home in a regular job. Sometimes there is no option. However, I agree with Aron that a wife working at a regular job outside the home can be an impediment to a wife’s submission and obedience. My wife grew up in a large home with many brothers and sisters. Her father made clear to the girls in the house that God created them for childbearing, raising children and as a helpmate to their future husbands would have complete and unquestionable authority over them as he did as their father. Jane’s father ran a prosperous business so there was no financial pressure for Jane’s mother to work outside the home.

    In my own home I preferred to use encouragement and proper training to lead our daughters to their role as homemakers and mothers. It was Jane’s job, as it was her mother’s before her, to train our children in their proper roles by her example of submission , and obedience including submitting to correction when I deemed it necessary. It was also Jane’s job to train our daughters to help them develop the skills needed for homemaking. I am strict about how well housework is done, a dirty bathroom when I came home from work usually meant a session with the strap. Our daughters knowing that their mother would be punished for covering for the shoddy performance of their household chores were generally diligent. Any punishment for inadequate performance of household duties became rare after the first few years of marriage. Jane could escape punishment if she informed me beforehand of any lack of diligence by our daughters. This almost never happened. All of our daughters, who are all married now, do not work outside the home and are, like their mother, obedient wives.

    At our Church, members can volunteer to do any needed tasks at the Church or parsonage. The women do paperwork and cleaning, men do general maintenance. As our girls became older and needed less supervision, I required Jane to volunteer at the church during school breaks. She worked under the supervision of the minister’s wife who could be a stern taskmaster. Jane was so diligent the minster would ask me, on occasion, if Jane would be available to volunteer. I generally said yes if it was school break time. This was the only work Jane did outside the home.

  7. Aron, I agree that a wife should devote herself fully to the home and the care of her husband and children. What joyous, holy work for her! In reading your description of the ways in which work outside the home can erode a woman’s natural submission, I wonder what advice you might have for young women who are not yet married and must work to support themselves. How can I preserve my femininity during this time and avoid becoming too assertive or authoritative?

    I have seen first hand how my mother’s thriving career led to the dissolution of her marriage to my father. His second marriage is far more successful, due in large part to my step-mother’s embrace of the home and the care of her young child. I don’t want to fall into the same trap myself, and I would imagine that work outside the home is even more detrimental to single women, who don’t have the constant oversight of their husbands to remind them of their place. Out of respect for my future husband, how can I balance my need to work now with my desire to be a loving, obedient, and submissive wife later? I’m grateful for any guidance you can offer.

    1. Hello Sophie, Thank you for sharing your experiences and your thoughts. I’m glad you can see the value in being a keeper at home.

      As far as your question, that is something to consider, since many women will still work outside the home before marriage, and need to avoid leaning hard into a man’s path and dismissing the home later in life.

      I think there are a few simple steps that will help her retain her godly womanhood. Firstly, she can work from home, perhaps helping her mother with a home business. However, this option is not always possible. She can also make sure that any job she holds is part-time, or at least not career oriented, the kind of work that seeks great growth, or requires much more education. She can simply find work that helps the community, and makes some extra money.

      Also important, is that any job she takes be in a godly environment, not one which is impure. It should be an environment of virtue and self-control. She will need to make she she brings her faith and character with her, and does not seek to conform to anything less than Christian behavior. Avoiding many years of secular education will also help her retain her godly womanhood, as many of these institutions will not only encourage mannishness, but encourage immorality of all kinds as well.

      Finally, she should always be preparing to be a wife and mother. It should be in her sights and her plans. She can be learning from other older women who are homemakers and submissive wives. If she keeps this in her sights, she will avoid putting it off for many years, and will recognize work outside the home as simply a temporal thing, and not her life’s goal.

      I hope that helps answer your question, and is a help to other women out there. Blessings to you.

  8. So, I have a question. One of my personal hobbies is writing, something I have loved since childhood. I am a stay at home mom and wife, and while I wouldnt trade what I have for the world, I still love writing. I have written one cookbook that I am finishing and will be selling and my next book (on pregnancy!) Will be done in a few months. I only usually spend maybe an hour a day writing, since I have an extremely adventurous toddler son, and am expecting in a couple months. But is this something I should reconsider? My husband doesnt seem to mind as long as the house is clean, meals are prepared, and laundry is done. But I do long to be a winderful submissive, kind, caring and obedient wife, and I dont want my own hobby to interfere. Just looking for some advice!!

    God bless you!

    1. Hi Kelsey, Thanks for your question. I think there is always a cause for careful discernment when it comes to how you work in other activities when caring for the home, the children, and helping your husband. The way I see it, if it does not take away from your other work and important activities, then it’s fine to spend some time with it. Writing could even be a ministry of sorts, and could help others in the faith.

      I know there are some homemaking writers who find the time to write entire books. My wife is also a homemaker, and spends many hours with the children, but she has found time in the past to assist me with home business projects, as well as with ministry.

      Just make sure your sights are on the right things, and your day is focused on the home and family, and I think a little writing can fit into place.

      Christ be with you.

  9. ChildlessHomemaker Avatar

    Hello. I have been silently reading your blog for a bit, but this is my first comment.

    My husband and I have dealt with infertility following an early miscarriage. We have been trying to conceive again for over a year, even trying fertility medication for better timed intercourse. Unfortunately, the fertility medication messed up my hormones even more, and even made intercourse impossible for a short time due to an infection given from the medication. My husband and I feel hopeless. We always thought we would have children by now. His faith has wavered a lot during this process, and it would be a lie for me to act like mine hasn’t, too.

    As a result of being childless, my husband and I have discussed the possibility of me seeking a job outside of the home. When we first got married, I worked outside of the home; it never quite worked for our marriage. Fighting always ensued, and our marriage always suffered. As a result, I have been a homemaker for nearly two years now. My husband is very much on the side of me getting a job outside the home. He believes it will be good for my “mental health” to get out of the house and to feel “normal.” I have applied for a few jobs that he has recommended, but I worry for our marriage. I am very worried that the added strain on our marriage that me working would create, will only create more problems for us – not fix anything.

    I don’t want to work outside of the home. I want to stay home, and still continue to try for a baby. I’ve always wanted to be a stay at home mom, like my own mother was. But I acknowledge these two things: having a kid is something completely in the Lord’s hand, and I lack motivation for the housework due to a lot of built up depression.

    My husband is very soft with me, and always has been. The grief of our miscarriage and infertility has only made him softer towards me. I want him to be firmer, and all of this has only shown me that what I really need is for him to lead.

    How do I discuss this with him? He does spank me occasionally, but it is usually sexual in nature, or not anything very firm. I do want and need more in discipline, especially when I lack motivation. Though I do acknowledge I need to be better at self motivation.

    Also, I do not want to work outside of the home. What would be the best way to gently talk about this? I so far have gone along with applying for jobs, but I am so afraid that it will negatively impact our marriage as it has done in the past. I have always been a “straight shooter” when it comes to saying what’s on my mind, but due to not wanting to be a crazy wife, I tend to just go along with what he says, even if I feel or believe it wouldn’t be right. I feel very strongly and believe it is biblical for me to stay home, but I just lack the sweetness to say it in a way a wife should.

    Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. I apologize for such a long comment.

    1. Hello Childless, Thank you for sharing your situation. Many couples experience infertility, either temporarily or for good. There is great basis in the Bible for continual prayer, and often the Lord sends a child surprisingly later in life. Oftentimes it is lack or hardship that helps us to pray as fervently and as often as we should. The Lord’s will is at work in childlessness.

      I myself know several couples who thought they were infertile, but conceived a child after many years of trying. I would continue to try and conceive, to raise up children to the Lord, if it be His will. I also know couples who adopted because they thought it would be impossible to conceive, and are now pleased to be loving, teaching, and protecting their adopted children.

      As far as your work as a homemaker. It is essential, whether you have children or not. Not only does the godly wife serve her husband and take care of the home in this role, but can also serve others through volunteering the the church and helping in the local community. Furthermore, she can help take care of other children in the community, whose parents are unable to do so themselves. It may be possible to fit in some part-time work beyond that, but full-time work would basically prevent you from being a homemaker. Therefore, I would NOT take on any full-time employment.

      While you ought to honor and obey your husband, since God speaks clearly about the wife’s role in the home, I would lovingly let him know you need to obey God. You will remain a homemaker. God will bless your home and the community through it. You cannot go against what God teaches us. I believe your husband as a Christian ought to respect that, but I don’t know that he will.

      It can be a challenge to approach your husband about your need for discipline, or for firmer treatment. There is nothing wrong with being forthright, and telling him that more discipline and more thorough spanking will help you. Let him know you need that clear leadership and humbling. He does not need to be afraid of hurting you. Sometimes it takes a hard spanking to make a woman feel punished, and cleansed of her wrong.

      I don’t know if it zeroes in on your situation, but I have this article on asking your man to spank you:

      As well as this one on learning to give a serious punishment:

      1. ChildlessHomemaker Avatar

        Aronhusband, thank you for your reply. A little update, I have talked to my husband, and he has agreed to let me continue to stay home. Turns out that because I hadn’t talked to him about it all, he thought I wanted to work outside the home, and that is why he brought it up and was making recommendations that he would be okay with. I learned a very valuable lesson to communicate a bit more with him. My husband is a very kind man, and as previously mentioned, softer with me. Because of that, I have lacked in my communication, not wanting to run over him with my words or actions. We had a very productive conversation about my need to communicate more and his need to be more firm with me.

        I have read those articles you recommended, and I definitely learned some things from them. Thank you. My husband and I will be continuing this conversation and I am hopeful that our marriage will benefit from it. Thank you again!

        1. That’s really good news. Very happy to hear you will be remaining in the home, and furthering the conversation with your husband. Thank God.

    2. Hey. Childless Homemaker.

      One of the ministries my husband and I have done is help people obtain health. In the last several months, I have helped several mothers get pregnant, one which is delivering in the next couple days. After 8 years of trying and being told she had to have a hysterectomy because she was unable. My husband and I would love to try to help if it is something you would like help with. Health is something I actually spend a lot of time writing and studying about but feel free to email me with more information. Everything we do is natural, and I have never seen it not work. For pregnancy problems or other health problems. Either way, we will be praying for you!!

      Aron, I also want to thank you for your blog. It has helped our marriage in so many ways and after talking to my husband, he has encouraged me to continue writing. You are a great inspiration, even tho being a woman, it can be really hard sometimes to be on the recieving end of things. God has helped me see some of my shortcomings through this blog and I am blessed beyond words to be married to an authoritve man!!

      God bless both of you!

      1. Thank you. It is an honor to be able to bless you and your family through my website. I hope you are able to help this sister with her fertility.

      2. ChildlessHomemaker Avatar

        Kelsey, thank you for your comment. I am intrigued about all things natural, and am willing to try something different. I will send you an email tomorrow, as it is getting late and I am putting my phone away to spend some time with husband! God bless.

  10. Elizabeth Avatar

    I used to work as a waitress at a small family restaurant in our town. My husband allowed me to do it because he knew the owner very well, and the job was one without much prospect for career advancement. It was also a role in which I could be fully feminine and use my natural instincts to serve and obey men, with much of my work as a waitress echoing the work I would do around the home. I’d had the job before we married two years ago, and my husband allowed me to continue after we married. He also allowed me to wait to start bearing children, not because I wanted to advance my career but because I did not feel quite ready to take on the demands of motherhood.

    All that changed last spring. My husband had already been starting to deepen his commitment to his faith, praying about God’s plan for our family and starting to take on a stronger leadership role in the home. In March, the restaurant closed down and I was at home instead of working. My husband was very pleased. He saw how my job, as low-level as it was, had made me prideful and willful. He saw how working outside of the home meant listening to other men instead of him, and at times enjoying their affections – never in an inappropriate way, of course, but having men order me about and enjoy the way I dressed and leave me good tips. And he saw how it was a perversion of my proper role, which was to focus on caring for him and his household rather than someone else’s business.

    As I began to spend more time at home, he showed me how caring for him and the home could be a fulfilling role that took all of my time, energy, and devotion. I cared for the house in a much more meaningful way, cleaning thoroughly, decorating prettily, cooking him good meals from scratch, sewing and knitting and gardening. I learned to be more attentive to his needs, greeting him on my knees when he returned to the office, and I spent my evenings serving him dinner and drinks and praying with him instead of serving food to strangers at the restaurant.

    He also decided that we would be open to as many children as the Lord would bless us with. I struggled with this at first. I know it’s ultimately my proper role, but I suppose I was a bit hesitant to do as required and take on the blessings and responsibilities of motherhood. I knew, I supposed, that at that point I would need to fully commit to my role as a woman, wife, and mother. He now realizes that he was foolish to allow me to delay him, and has taken control of the decision to be open to life, as he should. I am pleased to say that I am expecting our first child in April. I am deeply grateful to my husband for realizing what he needed to do, and to the Lord for blessing us with a child. We will be open to as many more as he provides, and I will care for them attentively and joyfully as is my proper place.

    This transition was not easy for me. During this time my husband, who has always seen his role as one of guidance and leadership, took on a much firmer leadership role including correcting me through domestic discipline. At the beginning I struggled with this, embarrassed and ashamed and afraid of the pain. But he has taught me to accept my discipline properly, including through regular maintenance discipline that reminds me of my place. This discipline and training were crucial to helping me realize my proper place within the home. I now feel very grateful to my husband for his guidance and for helping me fulfill my proper role as a woman, wife, and someday mother.

    1. Thank you for your comment, and your faithfulness as a child of the King. That’s a wonderful testimony of returning to the home, and you explain the process very well. I hope you are sharing that testimony in other places as well.

      It is amazing how everything fits together with the family — not only headship and submission, but the natural place of a woman in the home, and the importance of childbearing. They work in harmony. Moreover, there really is a peace and wholesomeness that anyone in the world can sense. That goodness is why it is such a great blessing to all of us.

      Your husband is commended for deepening his faith, and being dedicated enough to deepen his commitment along with it. With faith comes a faithful walk too. I’ve met me who came to the Lord as men who planned on few children, had had a vasectomy, and expected to keep living that way. As God opened tier eyes and heart, they had the vasectomy reversed, and had more children to raise up to the Lord.

      The family is a vessel of God’s very great power, and is a healing instrument for the world. I pray your experience is an inspiration to the brethren. There need to be many more changes like you describe.

      Thank you both. God bless you in the love of Christ.

    2. Hey Elizabeth does your husband have you serve and his friends meals at a family dinner because it your place as a woman to serve men ? Do you believe Wives should obey their husbands ?

  11. I had a high flying job until my children were born then I became a full time housewife. I have never regretted being at home all day. The kids are at school now but I have remained in the home as my husband wants.
    He works from home some days so I am here to serve him on those days and provide him with a hot lunch.
    I can never imagine going back to the rat race but if my husband told me to earn money then I would get a cleaning job.
    I love being a housewife and being in a dd relationship with a wonderful husband who is training me to be a better wife. I can’t believe how lucky I am.

  12. You missed out by not naming this article “Submission Impossible” 🙂

    1. That is a nice title. Thanks!

  13. […] better in the home. You don’t belong to yourself but to your husband. For many women a career gets in the way of household harmony, submission, and even intimacy with her husband. Not only that, but the […]

  14. […] should also know what that godly femininity looks like. Separate her from activities in which she imitates men. Lead her in modesty, feminine appearance, and in pure godly speech. Teach her to use clean, gentle […]

  15. My dad always said a women’s place is in the home. My mom never had a Job and Bob never let me work except when I did volunteer work at the Church. This was when we had our old minister. My dad wasn’t big on us daughters getting a lot of book learning , though we had to finish high school and get good grades. We went to a Christian school where the teachers were very strict and would spank you with a paddle if you messed up. If we got the paddle at school Dad gave us the strap at home, and if you got the paddle you didn’t want to forget to tell dad, then you really got it because he always found out. All us girls were taught how to cook and do chores. Mom was in charge and if you wasn’t doing what you were supposed to be doing she would tell dad and you got the strap. If dad thought mom was not making sure we were doing things right then Dad would give her a spanking and you got a spanking too. Don’t get the wrong idea, dad didn’t spank us a lot and mom didn’t get spanked very much either, it wasn’t like we were spanked every day. If you obeyed Mom and did your chores you never got spanked.

    1. Thank you for your description of home life. It certainly does not require a high education to be an excellent wife, mother, and homemaker. In most instances, it would only get in the way. Of course, even men can do well in business without higher education, as witnessed by the Amish, and their great success in business.

      However, where higher education might be needed, it makes sense that it is for the man, as he will need it to accomplish his goals and provide for the home. Women should be learning at a young age, both the skills and the spirit of being a homemaker. Many more would embrace that role, of more parent instilled it in them.

      It sounds like your parents did an excellent job.

  16. wifesteph Avatar

    I loved staying home with our brood. I still love taking care of my husband, grand children home and garden. I have returned to work two days a week, at the same hospital my husband works for. I have to say that we both love it. We drive in together, often eat lunch together(both of our schedules vary at the hospital a great deal.We drive home together. If my husband felt it wasn’t working out, then I would of course, stop. In fact one fo the advantages of having an advanced degree is that it has allowed me to return for only two days a week- I am a speech pathologist working with children, so my time spent mothering my own children and now grandchildren is a huge benefit. (I was 4 years into a 6 years degree when my then husband to be went to my father to ask to propose. My dad really felt that i should finish my degree, my now husband agreed, and we honored that. But I left to be a mother by our third year of marriage. There is tremendous value in a woman being a keeper at home. I just think that there is room for a family to consider what works for them(especially with no children at home) I mean no disrespect, its jsut something we have really enjoyed together

    1. Thank you for your comment, and for visiting my website, Steph. I believe an advanced degree is about the last thing a woman needs. There is a host of ills that has come with sending women to college, not the least of which is the impurity they learn, and the fact nearly all will become career oriented. It’s nice you can only be gone part time, which allows some time for the home as well. However, I’d say a wife, including one who has no children at home, can still better use that time to care for elderly neighbors, or children in the community, or help her husband with ministry. She could provide local children with a home education. These are more home oriented activities, and are very valuable. The fruit of higher education for women has been rotten, even if not every individual has followed it in the worst way. I’m sure you love your husband and children, but there are valuable activities in the home itself that are needed.

  17. Aron all my brothers went to college and me and my sisters did graduate high school. All my sisters married men older then they were except me. Bob is only year older than me and our birthdays are almost at the same time. When we were first courting dad thought Bob was too young to court , but he decided it was alright after a while. Mom didn’t finish school she only went to the 9th grade. Mom was way younger than dad too.

  18. Obedient submissive to men's authority Avatar
    Obedient submissive to men’s authority

    Dear sir,
    I run a small business but this did not stop me from being obedient and submissive wife
    When I came home from work I kneel before my lord ‘wash his feet, massage them, prepare dinner ,wash the dishes ,….
    People think that I’m independent woman but nothing could be further from the truth all the profits I make are at his disposal,i can’t get a penny without my lord permission but he is not lazy man as may some people think
    he works as capoira trainer he works hard and he is very successful.
    He trained me to be submissive by spanking me with his belt, paddle, hairbrush, cane ,……just different kinds of instruments.
    I’m very glad and grateful

    1. Thank you for your comment. Sure, there are women who manage to work outside the home and maintain submission. However, I find it is an obstacle more often than not, and makes submitting more difficult. Regardless, the role of the wife is in the home. She cares for the needs of the household, the children, and can better serve her husband. That is ordained by God and is of immense benefit to us all.

  19. Obedient submissive to men's authority Avatar
    Obedient submissive to men’s authority

    As a
    Submissive woman I must apologize to you sir in the name of all obedient and submissive women for some women’s offensive comments

    Submissive woman respects all males

    1. Do you say yes master when your husband give you a command ? Do you think all women should show respect towards their men ?

  20. Better Lady Avatar
    Better Lady

    I must respectfully disagree that a woman’s sole place is in the home. I have a full time career which helps provide a good life for us. I am able to use my commute time to reset and get into the proper frame of mind for my husband and to ensure I leave any authority that I have at work, at work. I enjoy and appreciate being submissive at home and I am able to meet all of my husband’s expectations of me in our home. Often, men have to switch gears in the workplace and that is what I do as a working obedient and submissive wife. It is possible to balance both if you are able to commit to both and understand and differentiate between the role of an employee and the role of a wife. On the occasion where I may act at home, the way I act in the workplace, I am quickly corrected and reminded of my place and I can say that happens very infrequently. I will add that we were not blessed with children and I fully believe that if children bless the home, the wife should be a full time Mother and home maker as that is the right thing to do. If we were blessed with children, there would be no questions. I would step away from my career and fully embrace raising the next generation of strong young men prepared to lead and/or obedient and submissive young women ready to embrace the glory of raising more children.

    1. Thank you for your comment. I have heard other women give a similar take on the home. While it’s true that one of the most important effects of being home full time is to care for and teach the children, the home is the role of the wife even if she is unable to have children. The only two times this is taught about in Scripture it teaches that the wife is to be a keeper of the home. That’s what the Word says. The woman is also uniquely suited for it, being a woman, and softer, more nurturing, and less aggressive than a man. You can be sure that there is still abundant work for a wife to do, centered on the home, even when there are no children.

      For example, 1) she can be a Titus 2 woman, and teach the younger women to be wives, mothers, homemakers, and godly women. 2) she can help care for a teach the children of families that are unable to have mothers at home for reasons beyond their control. There are likely families nearby that would need the child care. 3) she can help the needy in the community and the local church. 4) she can minister part time, especially to other women 5) she can take care of the home, such as by gardening, cleaning, cooking, and making goods by hand. 6) while a wife’s work is centered on the home, it does not prohibit making any money, so she can pursue a home business in her spare time

      I think any woman ought to consider how full the work of the home is, even without children. It may allow more part time things to go on, but by itself it is very full, needed, valuable work. There are plenty of women who feel forced by financial factors to work full-time outside the home. If there are no alternatives, this is understandable. However, in many of these instances, it is possible to downsize, alter expectations, and actually make due on one salary. It is not the necessity many people think it is. Do your research on one salary living. With planning and by God’s grace, it is possible.

      P.S. I would add, that while individual women may be able to maintain submission while living in the career world, this is clearly not the overall effect of women following what should be a male path. The overall effect of higher education and careerism for women has been fewer children, many years of contraception, abortions along the way the career “success,” rejection of male headship, and abundant divorce. The very independence and financial gain that comes from a career has certainly inspired plenty of women to end their marriages. The net effect definitely shows careerism to be harmful to the home, and to a woman’s submission. Even women who feel able to submit to their husbands anyway, likely have extra hurdles in being able to do it. It is an extra challenge to overcome emotionally, and a possible source of friction, even though it is still possible to learn submission.

    2. Nice that plan on being an obedient and submissive wife to your husband. So many women choose a career over their husbands and children which causes problems. We need a generation of young men to be strong leaders and willing to be charge and obedient and submissive young women serving their husbands and children accept their proper place.

  21. Better Lady Avatar
    Better Lady

    I will add that I mean no disrespect and that I post only in hopes to inspire other women who may have to work for one reason or another. I want to let them know that it is possible to still be an amazing obedient, submissive wife, able to honor her husband and care for the home if she is willing to put the effort in and if she has a husband that will lead and keep her in the right path.

  22. Better Lady Avatar
    Better Lady

    Thank you for your thoughtful response. All things that I will consider and discuss with my husband as I have genuinely experienced change and growth with him on this journey. Like I said, I always planned on being a full time stay at home mom but that did not happen for me. It may not have been the plan and that’s okay. I will continue on my journey. I hope that even a small shift in behaviors or thoughts for other women who work can be beneficial and that was my thought behind my post.

  23. Can I ask what your options are on nurse and carers as theses roles are normally done my women and I feel like they do work within the submissive role and you are serving another person.
    Also teaching is a caregiving role for younger children. I know a lot of people home school but if the mother doesn’t have higher education then she may struggle with teaching her children after a point.
    I work part time in a care role while my child is in school and I feel this is another way I can serve god.
    Yes it can be hard to do both but where would the world be if we didn’t have women filling these roles? I know my own limitations as all people have them and I can’t home school. But caring for others I can do.
    I’m not trying to be disrespectful and wanting everyone opinions

    1. Hello Jess, It’s good to hear from you. While there is a traditional notion that women work well in careers that serve other, the issue is really deeper than that. A wife’s role is in the home, and that is a full-time job. That means that full-time work outside of the home will interfere with her real, and most important work. It’s not possible to do both. So seeing this, whether she works as a nurse, teacher, or anything else changes little.

      Also, give some thought to the fact that the same mindset which leads women to be nurses, also leads them down the path to be doctors, lawyers, CEOs and to hold other leadership roles. Higher education itself pushes her down that path, and will not encourage her to to take service roles any more than it will encourage her to be a homemaker. Higher education in the West typically teaches her to be feminist, immoral, independent, and career minded. That’s not what she needs.

      Her God given work, and most valuable work, is in taking care of the home, raising her children, and serving her husband. It is not the job of strangers to care for a couple’s children all day. A wife can do that. Moreover, countless millions of children are given a secular, immoral, and godless education because both husband and wife work outside the home. Entire generations are being raised in depravity because of this. That’s a fact. This would not be occurring on any large scale if wives were in the home, as they would have ample opportunity to do homeschooling and provide both a godly environment and education.

      So while I agree that service roles are more appropriate for women in general, they are not more appropriate for wives, since we need them in the home.

  24. Hello Aron, if a married couple who have been together for a long time decide to starting a CDD or DD marriage. I ‘ m wondering but if the wife has a higher salary than her husband, should she still stay at home and care for the home ? Best Regards Anna

    1. Hello Anna, Thanks for your question. The woman should care for the home and the children regardless of her prior salary. It is the right role for her, and it is very important work. The family and home is not complete without it.

  25. elizaishis Avatar

    I was always a stay at home wife and Mom until my youngest son entered high school (my other two sons are a freshman and senior in college) and I started working outside of the home part time four days of the week. I was allowed to go to work on the condition that none of the housework chores errands and duties I had always done fell to the wayside. I was home during breakfast time and was always home in time to prepare dinner and receive my husband when he came home from work as he wished to be received (always with an oral greeting). There were two times I failed to remember a specific task and I was spanked both times for forgetting and not holding up my end of the “deal”. I’ve since made it work without having to get spanked.

  26. My husband recently told me that he wants to be the only one who can tell me what to do. Lol yes, dear. 🤣🥰

    Even after nearly 12 years at home, I still feel like a fish out of water, as my strengths and talents are more academically geared and I’m not naturally very nurturing. I love babies, but even our 3 year old daughter gets frustrated when she’s upset about something and I just tell her “I’m sorry” instead of cuddling with her. Lol. Thankfully, homeschooling helps somewhat.

    1. It will get easier. Just put your heart into it. Homeschooling is the best option, and it’s also an area you can use your talents.

    2. Wouldn’t it be nice, to have your husband as the only one who can tell you what to do.

      To only answer to the one who loves you.

  27. My wife is a police officer, and I’m the chief at the same station as her. This does not seem to be affecting our marrige or her submission (although she has trouble with that; but she always has even before her job, it’s just her personality.) She went though lots of training and I would hate to make her to quit. However, we have two children and are going to try for a third one soon. If you truly belive she should stay home with them, I will remove her from her position.

    1. Hello Hunter, Thank you for your comment. We need more mothers and homemakers more than we need more policemen. Women should not be doing that job to begin with. It is a job for a man. However, the law would not allow you to remove her through being her superior at work. You need to tell her as her husband that her work is in the home, and then make sure that she is home. It will be best for the children too.

  28. I have a career all right. I call him “sir” when he lets me.

    I also have a job, which is very rewarding, not at all fun, and I fervently wish I could ditch it.

    I loved being a stay at home mom when the kids were small. I wish I could be a stay at home wife now that they’re all grown and gone.

    At this point in my life that would mean I had no health insurance, as my husband is on Medicare and can’t add me to that for four more years. We don’t have a sensible system where one can buy health insurance privately in a free market as we do homeowner’s insurance and car insurance. In fact Medicare is only really good since we have real insurance from my job. We have both needed health care.

    My husband says I am needed at my job; that I am good at making people feel better, and that there are people out there who need my “goodness” and care. He would rather I be home and looks forward to when I can, but for now he sees it as a sacrifice we are both making.

    My employer—not my boss but the big company—is pretty abusive and damaging to my mood and self-esteem.

    It’s a sacrifice all right. May it be to the glory of God.

    1. aronhusband Avatar

      Hello Sarah, I am glad you wish to do the right thing. I don’t know your circumstances, but I do not make enough for medical coverage for all of us either. We use medicaid mostly, as well as a Christian health care which is less expensive than regular insurance. It has worked fine. There is also the option of emergency insurance, which is more affordable. I hope you have the opportunity to be at home in the future as well.

      1. Sarah/Cerah Avatar

        Thank you Aron!

        You don’t see it as a ministry, as my husband does?

        When I was younger, in my first marriage, we hardly ever had medical insurance either. But we were young and healthy. I guess we were blessed to have insurance when the babies came, but other than that we didn’t have much in the way of medical expenses.

        It is different now; we have needed a lot of intervention at times, and the perverse health care/insurance system we have makes everything much more costly than it should be. My husband needed a hip replacement last year; I had cervical disc surgery a few years ago. I’m a little reluctant to risk needing something else that we can’t afford without insurance. We eat healthy and exercise—well, he gets 20,000 steps on a good day, so we average 10,000! 🙂

        Sometimes I think we should just trust God for all of it, go without insurance, and take what comes. I’m really pretty glad this is not my call!

        Blessings and love,


        1. aronhusband Avatar

          Hello Cerah, I am not sure what you are asking about seeing something as a ministry. I suggested, before anything, that Medicaid could cover your health needs for free. Many families use it if there is not enough income. That way you could be able to stay at home. We have had no problem using it ourselves. There are also various forms of Christian health care, which are cheaper than insurance, as well as emergency insurance, which covers the high-priced treatments only. I’m glad you put some work into staying in shape as well. Blessings.

          1. Sarah/Cerah Avatar

            Thank you, Aron.

            I am speaking of my work being a ministry; I did not use that word, nor did my husband when he was explaining it to me.
            He said that people need me at my work and benefit from my care. But isn’t that what ministry is? Giving aid or service, according to Webster. I get paid, but does that make it less a ministry?

            I am not familiar with any specifically Christian insurance companies and I doubt we would qualify for Medicaid, although I have no idea how unearned/retirement income figures into the equation. We would certainly have little earned income if I stopped working.

            I would so love to be home full time. We are in the home stretch of life, and I would hate to waste any more time than necessary apart. I find that my husband was researching insurance options for if I stopped work since I asked him about it the other day. No one will give you info on costs, but now he gets phone solicitations from salesmen!

            I am going to go by Cerah, a nickname, as I have discovered more than one other Sarah/Sara in the comments and I don’t want to confuse anyone. 🙂

          2. aronhusband Avatar

            Hello Cerah, I would look into the matter and see what options are available. I know other families that get by this way. There are several good Christian health care groups. They are less expensive, but they do not cover everything. They also do not pay for all the evil practices that secular insurance does. You could see if you qualify for Medicaid as well. If your husband makes too much for that, then maybe he could get you one of the less expensive insurance plans, or other forms of health care.

            Sure, in the sense of being a witness for Christ, and serving others, anything we do in life can be a form of ministry. That is ministry in the very broad sense of the word. As far as women, God instructs them in their ministry, and this is in the home, serving her husband and caring for the children. She can also do good in the local community with her time. I know you will do what you can to fulfill that role. However, if that is not possible, then you can serve Christ in any other activity you do, including a form of employment.

            Remember though, being open about the Gospel and God’s truth can bring an end to a job quickly. Serving Christ comes with consequences, and in many domains you will not be accepted unless you are silent.

            Give it some thought and prayer.

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