In an era and culture in which most married females work full-time apart from the home, it seems almost exotic or strange to speak on the importance of her place at home, caring for the children, serving her husband, and doing the work of the home. Some claim it is not financially possible to do in this era, when in fact, when planned rightly for it is very possible, and millions of married women do this. You still find homemakers in western nations, and in westernized cultures. It continues to be valuable and practiced.
As it relates to a wife’s submission, there are many who would note that having a career can be an obstacle to submitting to her husband. It can even cause distance in the relationship, and severe rebellion by a wife. As a Christian I recognize that the wife’s role is in the home, and that this is full-time work. The only two times the subject is taught about in Scripture — both times in the New Testament — the wife is taught to be a keeper of the home. Her role in child bearing, and with it child nurturing, is a part of her sanctification. Yet my purpose is not to explain that doctrine, but to look at how a career apart from the home make submission more difficult for her. She becomes less able to be led. She more easily becomes less devoted to her roles as a helper and a nurturer. It harms submission. It harms femininity.
The most obvious way in which full-time work apart from home hurts a wife’s submission is that work often demands she is authoritative. She may hold a position that regularly requires being boldly assertive, exercising authority, and disciplining others. She does this daily. She trains at it. She becomes better at it. Then it soon becomes difficult to fully walk into her role as a gentle, meek, soft wife to her husband. This isn’t really rocket science how a problem can develop. Not only is it hard to shift her mind from one of assertiveness and one of taking charge of responsibilities independently, but the simple and natural character she is to have, around husband and her children, becomes watered down and sometimes lost. Her femininity is faded by acting in a masculine role. Like an actor, over time, she may lose touch of whom she is. Of how she must look to her husband. Of the closeness and nurturing her children need from her. In imitating men she becomes a bit like them.
You should not be surprised if a woman with independence and authority in her workplace then tries to be independent and authoritative with her husband, which is a sin. She may show great displeasure with his decisions. She may start complaining about him. She may answer back or yell at him. She now has trouble adapting to being under him and accepting his rules, and she sees herself on equal standing. The natural and beautiful order of a loving protector and a gentle helper turn into a yelling match, or a broken relationship entirely. When these things occur in a marriage in which the wife has a career, it would be foolish to believe there is no link. There certainly is.
It is true, you read about some women, such as high-powered career executives, or top attorneys, who are so overwhelmed by their authority at work and their responsibilities at work, that they love to come home and get “bossed around” by their husbands or even get whipped by them. I do not doubt that such situations exist. Many career women love to get spanked. It must be a relief on multiple levels, the least of which is stress, to give up some of her power for a time. However, here’s the problem with that. A woman’s motivation in submitting to her husband is NOT to relieve stress or to drop the heavy responsibility of power. Her motivation should be as a natural helper to him, as a woman built to respond to him, as a nurturer for his children. Going home to get bossed around simply is not the same. It does not amount to walking in the identity and the role God gave her. It does not fully embrace the softness and gentle heart she should have. It is stress release and a pleasurable power exchange. That’s not the same, and it’s ultimately not her role.
A woman is built to help man, and built to nurture. Being the weaker sex, she is also more fit for the home, and better protected there. That’s why dangers arise, and problems can appear in a marriage when a wife pursues a career. She is going contrary to her nature and her role. That does not mean it’s impossible for her to have a career, but it means it is not advantageous, and it doesn’t take advantages of her strengths, or the incredible design God gave her. Taking her apart from her role in the home adds risk, conflict, and extra stress to the woman. Some of that stress is dangerous, as many career women experience more infertility and miscarriages. It is also poor for their own health. The woman is naturally softer, and should be protected under the authority of the man.
Beyond the danger presented to her submission by carrying authority at work, are other dangers. The impure nature of many work environments and secular ones are more of a danger for women than men. Moral purity is more important for women. Much is lost in their character when they are surrounded by a filthy and vulgar environment, such as you’d find in many work places — and if they absorb some of that filth, it passes along possibly to their children. The danger of less intimacy with their husband due to stress can also weaken the marriage, and harm their softness to him. She can become more distant and cold if intimacy is harmed. Finally, the many more opportunities for the sin of adultery are both extra harmful to the female, and can greatly harm her submission to her husband by taking her attention to another man, and giving her the desire to submit to another man. Granted, adultery is evil for men as well, but the practical dangers are heavier for females, endangering her character, in dirtying the one who is an example of the Bride of Christ, putting her in physical and emotional danger from a strange man, and giving her a child in her womb that comes from another man. A woman in the workplace is in great danger from any of these ills and evils. Therefore a man who makes sure his wife is in the home not only obeys God, but protects his wife and his home from harm.
You will also find that having a career brings high risk of the demented lie of independence. A woman may imagine she is separate from her husband, or a mere partner, when she is the one providing a salary, and has enough to meet all of her own needs and more. There’s nothing wrong with a woman having some money, but female independence and pursuing a career go hand in hand. It is easy even for a well-meaning woman to lose touch of the fact she is intrinsically united to her man by God, and with the fact she is united with him to help him and submit to him in all things. She is no longer a picture of the Church gently yielding to Christ, but an alternate Christ herself, seeking to be bold, take new terrain, and be her own person. Suddenly, the oversight and the headship of her man become an impediment. They become annoying. A threat to her ego and autonomy. She realized she could move out and live on her own easily, and literally at any moment. Females working outside of the home is certainly a major reason of conflict in marriage, and worse than that, for divorce. Divorce harms millions of homes in my country alone. It is an affront to God, causes terrible harm to men and women, and punishes the children down through multiple generations. Along with women working outside the home comes imaginations of independence. There really is no avoiding this. It is one of many ills of this practice.
In contrast, a woman in her natural role at home will find that practicing submission is fitting. It is fitting to her thought process and it is fitting to her character. Once she is spending time serving her husband and working in the gentler and safer environment of the home, submission will fit in its place. God gave her a heart for it. That doesn’t mean it will always be easy. It means that she will find it more natural, and easier to accomplish than otherwise. Living in her God-ordained role — which harmonizes with her mental, emotional, and physical makeup — is a life she is built for. She may have obstacles, but she has the tools to overcome them, and her husband will lead her to overcome them. She will regularly be turning to his hand for strength, and to his will for leadership. She will be turning to his mind for understanding. She will be receiving praise and the joy of his happiness for all she does. She will not be completely exhausted or stressed out from other work. She will not need to reverse her thought processes coming home from a job. It will be clear before her eyes how what she does helps her man and helps his household. Her work with the children as well, aids and grows her softness, and can help her be gentle to her lord, who is her husband. Her nurturing side is fulfilled, as is her desire to serve.
You will find that pursuing a career does not make submission impossible. I would never claim it does. But it is often an obstacle. It grates against the gentleness she is to have with her man, and makes it harder to pursue meekness, and heartfelt submission. Her submission may turn into mere stress release, or mere role reversal from work. Neither one of these amounts to the fullness of it. A career also brings stress, and extra danger, which harm the marital relationship in ways beyond her submission. It further sets her up as her own person apart from her husband. The BEST reason to be a keeper of the home is because God has called women to it, but even if your reason is otherwise, you will find the home is the natural place of growth for a peaceful, submissive wife. You will experience its blessings. It is the right soil for her to grow into the flower for her husband.
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