Commands in Sexual Submission

I can never stress enough how helpful intimacy is in heightening a husband’s leadership and a wife’s submission. It helps the partners to learn it better, and it helps a wife sustain and deepen her submission to her man. It even takes her through some of the release and the softening that a spanking over her man’s knee provides. It instills in her the caring power he as over her. His watchful eye. His ability to break down any resistance she may have. One tool you cannot ignore in teaching sexual submission is the use of simple commands. If you train your wife early to respond to your use of simple commands, you will see her bloom into gentleness quickly, and will never regret it. She will be a sweet flower in your hands. If you never have used them, you should start right now.

I keep sexual commands short and simple. I do not believe it ought to require much thought or deliberation. It should not require too much memorization. Your verbal reigns need to be a few words she is familiar with, and can immediately respond to. They become a way for you to exercise your command, and for her to embrace her submission, and get used to losing any resistance to it. Those words remind a woman of her man’s complete possession of her inside and out, and become an exercise in following his will and bringing him pleasure. She learns to serve him immediately.

One command every husband should know is — take off your clothes. You may also want to make it shorter than that — strip. A woman learns to undress at her man’s words, learning to be made fully vulnerable to him, fully visible, and showing him the beauty that she shows to him alone. He may only want to gaze at her, but she should be excited to feed his eyes with her beauty. She should hunger for his command.  She must remove any barrier between her and her husband, her body and his. She does so at his command, for she is his. It is the same flesh he will make love to. The same body he will see every morning. The same form he will bare when he disciplines her. He looks over her body as he looks over her soul. She knows he is her ruler as she undresses. He is going to do as he pleases.

A husband gazes on his wife’s body as a king who surveys his land; who looks over it, rides through it, learns all of its features and its resources. He searches out anything hidden within it. Like the king, a man surveys his wife not merely for the enjoyment of the sunlit hills, or the fragrance of the woods, but for all he will do in governing it in years to come. In using the lovely terrain for its ultimate purposes. The man possesses her body not only to enjoy his pleasure with her flesh, but also to receive her many services, her many blessings, and the fruit that will come from her womb — the children of their love. The purpose of the land he gazes on runs from the present far into the future, in producing seed, and raising children up to know the Lord. They carefully and lovingly train them in virtue, blessing generations of believers and unbelievers. He possesses her, he has his way with her, and he uses her for her greatest purposes.

As a woman strips for her man, she reveals all these things to him, revealing all she is. I am yours. This all belongs to you. Use me fully for your will.

The second command I recommend you train your wife in is — get on your knees. There are few other words that so express that one person is subject to another. That one rules above another. Your wife should hear this regularly from you, and come to express her submission this way. It is the right response to coming before the king. Kneeling almost immediately instills on the soul a sense of humility, as well as a sense of respect, if not awe for the person before you. At the minimum, you know they are the one in authority. You are under that authority. You are there to serve them, and your attention is on them showing honor. It says all you need to know physically and visibly.

Many husbands will have their wife also express sexual submission on their knees. They may have their wives follow through and give them oral pleasure, since it is an easy way to express submission in that position. Others will simply have her grow accustomed to being on her knees, as an exercise in obedience. She simply needs to give up any pride or any autonomy to get on her knees. You may also choose to use that time on her knees as a chance to instruct her in her role, or to have her verbally affirm it to you. She may have to express her belonging to you, and your authority over her while kneeling. It will become more natural to her to kneel at other times as well, such as when you give her a spanking, or a verbal correction. Since her daily life toward her husband is one of following his lead, having her kneel helps her get used to your lead, and being in the subject position. Kneeling is a lesson that will speak to her inside, and make her regular submission to you easier.

Lastly, its a good idea to teach your wife to respond to — bend over. You may be behind her when you say it. You may be across the room. By learning to bend over for you on command, she expresses another very submissive position. It is a position used all the time when you take her in bed, and also when you correct her. She is bent over for either activity. Her mind will remember all it is connected to as her bottom goes up and her head goes down, perhaps with deep warmth or trembling inside. It is also immensely vulnerable and sexual. She offers up her bottom to you, as well as easy access to her sex. She makes them visible to you. She lifts them up for you to look at, touch, and have your way with. She gives up a great deal of control in that position as well, as she may not even see you behind her, and her arms are nowhere to protect her from your grasp, or even to touch you. Her most vulnerable parts are in a completely passive position. She knows you have the control.

You may have her bend over just to grow accustomed to responding to your words. You may enjoy the sight of her, and her upturned cheeks, her peeking sex. It could be a quick lesson in discipline for her as you smack her cheeks a few times and remind her she’s your woman. Her butt belongs to you. More than likely, you will take her in this position, playing with her sex, or entering her only to let her feel you deep inside. A woman who must bend over on command knows her man opens her up at will. He may spank her at will. He completely has his way with her. Even if you do not use her position as a chance to make love, you can choose to simply open your woman with your hands for a minute or two. It will help her learn to give her self fully. It will help her drop any resistance to submission. You possess your wife’s body, use it as you desire.

I’m sure many husbands add to those three basic commands. I believe they’re enough to start with, and that if you add, don’t add much. Natural human responses are simple and primal. They are not intellectual. They are not odd or complex. Many husbands add a variety of other sexual positions, and these can be helpful in her learning. A wife should certainly hear — put your hands behind your back — more than a few times. When a wife is learning to respond easily to your sexual commands, and with delight, she will learn to follow you more easily every day. She is learning inside to embrace, and fully enjoy the power that you have. It is sinking into the fiber of her being. She is learning to give deeply, selflessly, without resistance. Like any form of intimacy, she is drawing closer to you, and you to her. You learn to move together as body as soul. Your wife should be a valuable and beautiful treasure to you. Use her for all that she is.


92 responses to “Commands in Sexual Submission”

  1. […] complete giving of the body to enhance his wife’s submission, by training her to respond to a few commands. With commands, she will have to learn to be fully vulnerable to her lord, and fully available to […]

  2. […] times. Help your wife learn to be under your authority by having her learn to serve you sexually at your command. She should find it easy to strip at your command, and to be on her knees for you. You are her […]

  3. Long Time Practitioner Avatar
    Long Time Practitioner

    My wife is a very sexual woman and always ready to please. In turn I always make sure she is fully satisfied. As I command her she becomes more aroused. When you come home and find her panties on the doorknob you know that she is well trained. If I were to put myself to her lips as she slept and wake her I would be in her mouth as soon as her eyes opened. “On your knees” is obeyed at once for any reason. “Strip” is for discipline. “I want you” gets her clothes off immediately for pleasure. “Bend over” if she clothed spreads her legs as she leans forward. If she is already naked it is head down and ass up spread wide so everything is open for my pleasure. As I touch her and mention her body parts by name I ask her who they belong to and she replies “They are 100% Yours”. I may gently trace a fingertip across her anus as I touch her from behind. She does not clench and would willingly accept if i were to go further. She is never denied orgasm and makes sure I am fully satisfied any time I have her. There is nothing more satisfying than having her cuddled to me fully naked after we are both spent. Her bottom can be cool and unmarked or bright red with stripes or well bruised the next day. Her entire body and being is mine!

  4. One of your best articles. Three simple but very important commands. As the poster above mentioned after bending over having her spread wide makes her vulnerable and open to whatever you desire.

    1. Thank you, KB. I’m glad you appreciated the article. Yes, a part of its usefulness is having her experience that vulnerability, especially in the position you mention. She learns her full belonging to her man.

    2. Long Time Practitioner Avatar
      Long Time Practitioner

      Being semi retired I have more time to enjoy the pleasures of my wife. There is no more pleasing sight than an aroused wife from behind. Her valley glistening as you gently make her want you more. Lovemaking is as varied as correction and should be in many forms according to need or desire. As she pleases you with her mouth I also believe a man should give her pleasure with his. A man should also be clean when he wants his wife to take him in her mouth. My wife knows that every part of her is mine and that I will take her as I see fit. As it is just the 2 of us we enjoy each other in every room in the house. Sometimes as she is making a meal I will start to enjoy her. We turn down the temp of the cooking and turn up the pleasure for ourselves. A “quickie” can be nice but I enjoy a prolonged session more. My 1st wife was not easily aroused but she did not refuse me when I wanted her. My current wife is much more sexual and very willing to be enjoyed. I can and have taken her in any position or way I have wanted and it just makes her desire me more!

      1. I too am often aroused by my wife when she is or we are cooking. Maybe it’s the smell of the food. She often cooks in just an apron anyway. If she hasn’t changed, I’ll likely suggest she she change. All I have to say is, “how about just an apron?” and she’s starkers in seconds (with platform heels, of course). I love fondling her bum and have been known to reach for the olive oil to slick us up before taking her from behind for a nice ride for us both.

  5. These are commands I receive regularly and eagerly obey, however the most common command I kindly hear from my husband is “come here.” It’s “Come here” at night when I am on the other side of the bed. “Come here” when he wants me for something. Then of course I hear, “Come here”, for correction when we need to have a little talk.”

    1. Thank you for sharing. I also use the phrase “have a little talk” when I am going to correct my wife.

      1. Long Time Practitioner Avatar
        Long Time Practitioner

        I like that! Have “A Little Talk” makes perfect sense. Since our Thanksgiving week issue and following correction sessions my wife has been exceptionally well behaved. I may have a very small talk with her before New Years and start the new year off enjoying her fully. Your site is an inspiration and expands my knowledge. Thank You!

        1. You’re welcome. I hope it is a useful resource to you and others.

  6. Submissive Woman Avatar
    Submissive Woman

    I’m not married yet, my future-husband will be my first intimate experience. So I find this article very informative and honestly beautiful.

    There’s a concern though I’ve always had. Will there be a moment when a husband would find his wife’s submission boring?

    When is it appropriate for a wife to express her desires for her husband? For example, how should she show that she wants him? How should she show what she desires of him during intimacy? … etc.

    Thank you.

    1. Thank you for your comment, Submissive Woman. I think it is a temptation for any man to get bored in marriage, whether his wife is submissive or not. It comes from his own lack of inspiration in life, as well as lack of sincere devotion toward his wife. For a man to be bored with his wife is for him to be bored with himself. Submission is definitely not boring, but like marriage, is a continual journey, with many sites to explore, and mutual growth to experience.

      How a woman can show her desire for her husband is a natural question, since it is typically the man who initiates intimacy. However, I don’t think the fact that the man leads means that a woman cannot show her desire. She just does it more gently. I don’t see anything wrong if she simply touches her husband, or whispers to him what she’d like. The difference is she does it from the less commanding posture.

      I hope that makes sense. I know some of the women could help you with that too. Blessing.

      1. Absolutely! There’s nothing wrong with a wife expressing her desire. Read the Song of Songs! Being submissive doesn’t mean being weak or backward. I love being beguiled by my wife! What a joy to be reaffirmed that she still sees me with eyes of desire. I don’t think I’ve ever said “no” except when she hasn’t realized that I’m exhausted physically or emotionally from something. Maybe twice in 30 years?

  7. Wifely submission is active, very active and should be exciting! It means you learn his likes and dislikes and bend your will to his will. You will learn his ways and come along side him, this bonding is a challenge but it’s an adventure.

  8. I’m completely submissive to my husband and we have been practicing DD for almost five years. This article brought up a dynamic in our relationship that I have been struggling with and praying about, which is the obligation to have children in a marriage. Let me start by saying that I am a Christian and am a firm believer that all children are a gift from God. However, after baring my husband two children one after the other, I told him that I wanted to take a break for a couple years before having a third. I am quite young and we do have plenty of time for more. However, my husband insists that it is God’s word that we allow as many children as we are “gifted” naturally. My husband enjoys when I am pregnant and says that I am at my most submissive, pleasing to him, etc. He also enjoys watching me nurture our children and he treasures them dearly. Recently I was on birth control, but my husband informed me that he would be taking it away and that his intention was to get me pregnant as soon as possible. Sure enough, within the next few days, my pills were gone and he began to take me in bed more frequently. We had long discussions about this which turned to arguments. He has taken me over his knee several times recently for questioning his decision, spanked me to tears, and taken me in bed afterward. (Of which I of course consent; I am fully sexually submissive to my husband and do not want anyone to get the wrong idea.) He says that he appreciates my insight about our family’s structure, but his decision has been made and I must submit to it. My question is, is it wrong to question this decision? I recognize that it is his family too, but I am the one who will have to grow the child in my womb. I am a homemaker and of course, caretaker to the children. We have the financial means to care for another child, but I am tired. My husband says he understands this but needs me to fulfill my purpose to him. Any input would be helpful. Thank you!

    1. Hello Becca, It sounds like you have a wonderful family. You are being faithful to the Lord in caring for the home and bringing up the next generation in faith. Every child is a blessing.

      In principle, I believe the answer to you question is the same as with other possible disagreements between husband and wife: You have a right to explain your perspective, and share your thoughts, but that needs to stop short of being argumentative. You still need to respect his decision, and do so gracefully. He is doing it for the best, and he has the authority to make the decision.

      Naturally, he will keep your good in view, and he should, but considering that you have no serious health problems, there isn’t a major obstacle to having more. Children are of immense value, and are our future. I’m sure any tiredness you feel will seem small compared to the joy of your children, and the satisfaction of blessing the Church through them. That is worth getting tired for. It is small compared to the sacrifice of the cross.

      I hope that helps you, even if it is not what you wanted to hear. Respect your husband’s decision, and make the most of it.

      Grace in Christ,


      1. Good answer Aron! Kids are always a blessing biblically. She needs to submit and trust her husband and God.

      2. Very goor answer Aron.
        Becca, you have right to discuss with you husband about your concerns but the last word belongs to him. If there is no medical reason to avoid pregnancy, you should get pregnant if that’s your husband will. If you are really submissive, you should accept the fact that your womb belongs to your husband, not to you.
        My wife is 22 (almost 23), and we have 4 beautiful children, she also asked me for a break after the 3th kid but I didn’t agree and now we are expecting our 5th child. My wife needs to accept that in our marriage is no place for any contracepion. She agreed to be a submissive wife, and as a submissive wife she should born children any time the God/Universe/destiny/etc. wants to. It’s not her role to decide when she can be pregnant.

        So please, think once again about your role in your marriage, and who should has the last word in your marriage about procreation.

        1. Thanks for your helpful feedback, Adam. And congratulations on your large family. It will bless the world. You are leading your family rightly. More families need to know how central that bearing and raising children is to marriage. It doesn’t get more close to the heart. Blessings.

      3. Agree with Adam and congrats on the large family, love seeing biblical families.

    2. I bore four children in five years. I had no problems carrying or delivering any of them, but when I started homeschooling my oldest, I slowed down. I just could not keep up everything I was doing before — this included all homemade cooking, baking, I made our little girl’s clothes and my own (we wear only skirts and dresses, the girls and I do that is, of course!) My husband was very displeased, to say the least, about the slow burnout I was experiencing. Four under five was hard, but not undoable; I just needed fewer expectations with the start of homeschooling — for the moment. I knew the time would pass and things would be less hectic, and I tried to make him see my point of view. My habit had always been to say “yes, dear” if he wanted me to do something, I did it. His mother had had a much smaller family and had not homeschooled, plus she had her own mother and aunts and cousins; they all did various things together and there was extended family, so where one was weak, the other was strong, and therefore everything got done. That type of family arrangement did not exist with us. It was a one-woman show in our case.

      My husband’s response to this was very harsh. I was offered no grace, no mercy and no kindness. What he did do was decide I was unable to handle more children, and he cut me off. We did end up having two more children, but this was due to what he referred to as “moments of weakness” and consequently I regard my two youngest as miracles from God, because he placed it in my husband’s mind to desire me sexually at exactly the right times. Over the years, after regular visits, I finally realized and accepted that he, as the youngest, had been greatly spoiled by his older sister, mother, and aunts. He can literally do no wrong. I got quite a bit of lectures on the subject of the number of children I had borne, I had too many of them; obviously I had pressured him into having the children, he bears the weight of the world on his shoulders; I took care of the kids while he went upstairs to be wined and dined by the relatives. He wanted me to homeschool, still insists upon it to this day, but the burden is great. It is worth it — I was homeschooled myself — but it is not easy.

      I discovered last year that he has satisfied himself with pornography over the many years that he has rejected me intimately, something which does not surprise me. I was not as devastated as some wives may be, because I suspected it anyway just by view of the way our life had gone, but rather had a more dreary “well, this explains a lot” attitude.

      I know a lot of men think their wives talk too much and I suspect often spanking is used to cut discussions short, but when you don’t take the effort to really listen to, love and try to understand your wife’s burdens, it can be devastating to her. She gets the impression you really don’t care a bit, and only want things convenient for you. Spanking was used on me several times in the past, and almost every time it was because I was just plain too much of a burden and he wanted it over with (only one time it was used for something I admit was reasonable, and that was for overspending). The rest just left me empty and miserable, and were always followed by being locked out of the bedroom, so I wouldn’t try to get close and interrupt his sleep.

      The way described here on this blog makes me so sad and hungry for some real love, but Becca, it’s lovely that your husband wants you this way. I will say that after my last baby I was exhausted in every possible way, though. If you are homeschooling and really doing your ultimate to give those kids the best education you can, PLEASE, fellows, PLEASE understand that it is like a career outside the home — it requires all her time and attention. There simply isn’t room for error; she knows it. Don’t think she doesn’t agonize over it. You may find her muttering to herself under her breath. I call this a “parent teacher conference”; a lot of people in the homeschooling circles do, too. We’re frustrated. We’re tired. And like all teachers, the job doesn’t stop after the kids go home (if you are in a brick/mortar school). Nope, the average teacher brings it all home. We visited one family just recently; the husband teaches high school and he was sequestered in the master bedroom office the entire time; he was grading 35 essays on the same literature. He came out for dinner, and the look on his face was as one dazed. All of us mothers started laughing because it is the same look the rest of us have — including his wife who homeschools their children. The other husbands are not teachers, and don’t know what it is to bring work home and have to keep on grading things on Saturday afternoons. Nobody said anything, but our group of mothers have more in common with this one husband than we have with our own, and we consult with him when our kids are driving us nuts. He and his wife get along better than any of the other marriages — I think it’s because they are both doing the same work. As a teacher, he definitely does not bring home a take home pay comparable to the other husbands, but they manage very well and make it work better than most people who earn more. The rest of us — we often wonder what it would be like if our husbands just started teaching. Sure, we’d make less, but would we be a little happier? Don’t really know. And anyway, it’s not up for speculation.

      And romance in the bedroom? Oh, that would be lovely. My husband has always regarded sex as a business deal; when it did happen, it was over and done in a matter of minutes. It never lasted longer than ten, maybe fifteen minutes. I had to learn to deal with that. I also had to learn to deal with a heavy soreness that would come from never really being satisfied. He would drop me just as he got me to a certain point. Several times I tried to get him to come back to me when he was getting up, and he quickly corrected me. I learned my lesson after three times of protesting, please come back. I should have learned the first time, but sometimes you don’t always pay attention…the heavy soreness I learned I could get rid of in a hot shower, by the way, that’s what worked for me if anybody needs a suggestion. Sorry if this is TMI. But the end result was that he was irritated with me and angry that I wasn’t satisfied. (I got spanked for that, too, he regarded it as lack of submission). But he wouldn’t listen when I tried to talk to him about it — that was spanking for nagging. But I will admit that some attention, even if it was just getting whalloped for being a bother, was better than being ignored.

      I would suggest to anybody, really observe someone in their family of origin and if they have been raised to be the family prince — or princess — steer clear. Even if they treat their own mothers super-well, that doesn’t prove anything. They have a completely different agenda for a spouse, sometimes. Obviously this isn’t a hard and fast rule. But seriously, there are some very spoiled brats out there, both women and men. If they don’t consider marriage worth investing in, that’s a red flag, If they are super-spiritual, that can also be a red flag, although I hasten to add not always — some of the best husbands and fathers are deeply religious/spiritual/committed, but some use it as a weapon against others whom they deem less so.

      You’re all blessed. I’d love to be in your shoes. Over the past few years as our kids have grown older my husband has mellowed and so we basically each do our own thing now. We are distant and polite. Things are definitely better than they were. It’s as good as it will get, and I’ve accepted that. But it’s hard that I’m older now and my hair will gradually turn grey and I’ll end up with wrinkles and I just so wish he loved me. If anything, I would say that it’s harder now than it was when the kids were little, because the pressure of small children and their needs is basically gone. Now there is more empty time…and that’s bad, because it gives you too much time to think.

      On behalf of all women out there, apoloogies for the fact that we talk too much. But if your wife’s happiness is important, you’ll take the time to talk to her, ask her questions and really listen to the answers. And if it’s hard for her to say some things, and she beats around the bush for a while, it’s not that she’s trying to irritate you or make you play the guessing game — it’s just hard to “spit it out” so to speak. Love is truly spelled T-I-M-E.

      1. Cherishedwife Avatar

        I often times don’t think husbands REALLY understand that exhaustion from too large a family and the strain can lead to poor health effects including shorter life spans for the wives and resentment she may have for the kids and husband. Children should be enjoyed. Not created like an NBA line up. To decide that a wife will have more kids now and 5 by the time she is 24 (wow) without really understanding that she will probably be the one that has all the care for them. Well that doesn’t seem like true cherishing and care. No offense meant. My husband took into account that I was the one doing the care and he values me and my state of mind/ physical well being and God’s will. Sorry but he wouldn’t demand that of me.

        1. Hello, Thanks for your comment. Five children is many to have by the time you’re twenty-four, and most people I know who respect the importance of large families space children out a little more than that. However, historically speaking, including among Christians in early America, five would not have qualified as a very large family, and many had seven to ten or more children. Somehow the men managed to do the work to provide for the home, and the women managed to bear and raise the children, despite far greater dangers during pregnancy back then. It is worth the work, sweat, and risk to do. It’s what we all should believe in when we get married — it’s not about our comfort, but is about raising up children in faith and virtue, and being a witness to Christ.

          Those goals allow us to even take risks involved in having children, whether few or many. The countless men who have stressful jobs or very dangerous jobs, don’t quit them just to avoid the pain, or the possibility of a lessened lifespan. They keep doing their difficult jobs, because their jobs are of a great importance, or because they provide for their household. The same is true of motherhood, which is worth more than any salary in the world, and provides us a future, and the Church a future.

          That is why when a man assures their family is full of children, he is indeed cherishing his wife, your accusation notwithstanding. He is rightly using her for the very purpose they are united, as well as for purposes she believes in too. He helps her fulfill herself. As the head of the home he is ultimately the decision maker, but a godly wife believes in bearing children as well. Not only do we cherish each other, but we cherish a higher goal, which is God’s goal for us. Hardship during the journey is not to be avoided, but to be expected.

          The Bible does not liken children to a sports team, which itself is demeaning. The Bible likens children to arrows in the hand of a warrior, a righteous and godly one at that. It likens children to the shoots that come from an olive tree. That means there are many of them in marriage. The children of Israel, who is fulfilled in the Church, is likened to all the stars in the sky and the sand in the sea in multitude. As long as a man and wife are reasonably healthy, and do not selfishly try to prevent childbirth, a marriage naturally involves many children being born and raised. This is truly glorious, and husband and wife know this. They know joy and peace, despite hardship involved.

          A man who cherishes his wife thinks not only about her comfort, but her moral good and her fulfillment of her womanhood. That means he would only hold back from having children for serious medical reasons. So it is right that he lead his home in bringing forth many children for the Lord. He indeed honors God that way, and secondarily honors his wife.

          I hope that provides a broad view of the subject for you, which extends far beyond our personal desires and ease in life. The difficulties inherent in marriage are minor compared to its aims. Take care.

      2. Thank you for taking the time to express yourself so honestly! Many need to hear this point of view. I’m sorry you have not been loved and cherished as you should have been, maybe this will help some other couples.

      3. Hi Lisa
        It breaks my heart that you’ve been treated so badly by your husband. I pray that God finds ways to bless you dearly now & in the future.

    3. Becca, it just occurred to me that he took your birth control pills away. This is much to your advantage; birth control pills are already known to increase your risk of stroke and cancer. You don’t want those in your body.

      When my husband and I were still intimate early in our marriage, we did use Natural Family Planning. To be perfectly honest, we really didn’t because my husband was far more into total abstinence — I am proof posiitve that it only takes one time at the right time when you have no fertility issues — and we never really needed NFP. But I learned to chart anyway. He was very into that, but got tired of it pretty quickly and then we stopped and never went back. I was given an Ovulindex thermometer as a bridal shower gift from a friend, an old-fashioned kind that you keep right by the bed and take your temperature every morning at the same time and before you even lift your head off the pillow. The Ovulindex is marked very specifically and is only for determining ovulation, not for checking for fever, so you can’t use just any thermometer. Mine is super old-style like the old mercury thermometers, but they have new ones now that are quite tecchy that sync up to your Smartphone if you have one…and then the kind in between.

      You use a combination of basal temperature and the vaginal mucous symptom. One time, I’ll never forget, when he was unusually tender; something that was so rare I will never forget it — he kissed me awake one morning, slipped the thermometer into my mouth, then lifted my nightgown up to check my mucous. I was very slippery, he washed his hands, then checked my temperature (it was low). He washed the thermometer, came back into bed and took me into his arms. That was the day our third baby was conceived. He is fifteen years old now. He has just finished his freshman year of high school and while he can’t write to save his life (looonng story!) he did excel in advanced physical science lab this past year, did so well in French that the score couldn’t go higher, and can fix ANYTHING that is broken in this house! 🙂

      1. Thank you for the explanation, Lisa. More couples should learn about NFP. We use it as well.

      2. I have a link here to a journal that many, including myself, have used to keep track of the feminine cycle and symptoms. It might be helpful to those looking for a way to organize their records and give you a way to plan ahead a little. It is also helpful for husbands so they can check the charts. It doesn’t look ilke there are a lot of copies left, but if you like it, perhaps drop them a line and tell them you are interested and would purchase more if they had them available. Self-publishing can run into money, so I gathered there hasn’t been much of a market for this journal — but if you want it, let them know.

      3. Oops…
        The old link that I had for the feminine charting journal appears to be going to a different book now. Here is a new one.

  9. There is nothing more desirable than a pregnant wife.

    1. Long Time Practitioner Avatar
      Long Time Practitioner

      hamiltonman you are so right about a pregnant woman being very desirable! My 1st wife was insatiable while pregnant right up to the time our son was born. Sadly he was the only child we had and he was killed in a traffic accident at 18. After our son was born my wife had problems that prevented another pregnancy and her desire level went way down but she did not refuse me. I have no children with my current wife who is highly sexual and has had her bottom reddened more in 1 year than my 1st wife did in 27!

      1. I am very sorry for the loss of your son. I know he will always be beloved.

  10. I have read a lot of your blog the last couple of days. And I think it is of great inspiration, even though I am not religios, am in fact a feminist and live in Norway. My housband and I live our lifes pretty close to the lifestyle you describe, or at least we are getting there step by step.
    My point is that we consider this kind of living as bdsm, and everything I read on this blog is bdsm to the core. The only thing seperating bdsm from cdd are, in my eyes, the fathe in God.
    We do not “look” like we live a bdsm lifestyle. We bouth wear regular clothes, also in the bedroom, never leather and such… He spanks me on a regulare basis, with a hairbrush, a ruler or a wooden paddle (wich I bout at a trift store). We also have a thin bamboo stick on top of the mirror in the bathroom, used when it need to be silent, f.ex. when the kids are awake.

    My point is that I don’t think that living this way, has anything to do with being christian, it hase something to do with your personality and what you prefer in life. You don’t need to refer to the Bible to enjoy this kind of living and loving.

    1. Thank you. I’m very glad you appreciate the articles here. I certainly desire to inspire those like yourself, regardless of belief system. I hope discipline is benefiting your marriage already.

      Thanks for sharing some of how you do things in your marriage. To me it sounds like your practice is closer to dd than to bdsm, but it all depends on one’s definitions. I have an article on the differences that I find, called Wife Spanking vs. BDSM.

      I do not believe that domestic discipline is defined by the Christian faith at all, although there is a large stripe which practice it. I simply find that it is best practiced that way, since it finds its full purpose and right path that way. I’ve participated in secular dd forums in the past, and find some good discussions there. I agree that one does not need the Bible to value discipline in marriage.

      Non-Christians have access to some of the same knowledge through the heart and mind God gave them, including gender roles, the need for authority structure and submission, and the need to be cleansed of guilt. That’s one reason there is so much — including male headship — that has crossed cultures and religions for thousands of years. Mankind is basically made the same.

      I hope you continue to enjoy the articles here. May you both continue to grow as husband and wife, and in learning discipline.


  11. iamhissubmissive60 Avatar

    Aron, I admire you so much and I really love the CDD more than just DD. I believe you are a godly man and you have such wisdom in God and how to be a leader in your home. No woman respects a whimpy husband. I still pray for my marriage and its better communication wise now we are actually discussing things now where as before we would go a week without talking about anything really. And now I am trusting GOD for Mike to understand my sexual needs as his wife and how I long to hear those words get on your knees or bend over or take your clothes off. I feel so sexually deprived, I have been battling in my mind if I should just ask him for a legal separation, I really don’t know how much longer he expects me to wait.

    1. Thank you. I know it is hard, and it’s not what any man or woman should go through in marriage. I’m sorry. Trust in God to sustain you, and find your purpose in Him. A marriage is for life and it is wrong to tear it apart, even when one spouse is doing something wrong. Continue to love and forgive him.

      1. iamhissubmissive60 Avatar

        Yes Sir. It is so very hard…I cry myself to sleep so many nights as I am just so broken and Iong for his touch upon my body. I will ask GOD to help me forgive him. I know I still have some resentment because he refuses me over and over. I am thankful you hear me out and point me to the road higher than I.

        1. God be with you. You are welcome to write anytime.

        2. Sarah/Cerah Avatar

          I realize this thread is old, but sometimes a man who refuses his wife has medical reasons that he may not even know about. Visiting a doctor can help. Labwork can help. Meds can help. There are herbal remedies that might help. I believe there are even toys that can help, and there is even the concept of an implant. I would see a urologist and a good endocrinologist at least–it’s not all about testosterone.

          Obviously this is a topic that must be approached with maximal feminine discretion and delicacy. I would be careful that my own attitude were unfailingly supportive, for a long time, before I would broach this topic!

          There are some psych issues that can have an effect too; perhaps he doesn’t really want to be dominant and wishes you would push him around. I would continue to be submissive in that case; you can’t fix a broken will by breaking it further. I don’t think he can require you to “discipline” him, though perhaps if he demands you strike him you would have to.

          Perhaps he secretly likes men. Prayer is probably the only thing that can help that–along with sweetness and submission and diligent, loving respect. And never, of course, mentioning your suspicions in this direction. 🙂

    2. Hi,
      I’m right there with you. Just a thought. Is your husband viewing pornography? Forgive me for such a question, but it’s something to consider. I know the common belief is that we refuse our husbands, but I’ve discovered that more often than not it’s the other way around. One of the most encouraging things I learned was that I wasn’t alone.
      There’s a book out there called “An Affair of the Mind” by Laurie Hall, Focus on the Family published it in the ’90s, I think it was 1996. Get a copy. Trust me, it is a lifeline. Never read a better book on the subject. Their marriage was devastated by porn, and they stuck together. It was extremely difficult. The most read chapter in my copy is the one entitled “Get Real”. It deals with EXACTLY what we are dealing with, you and me. I read that chapter every day, sometimes twice a day. Also the chapter “Those Flaming Arrows” when everybody has decided it’s your fault and you just get all those barbs from people who mean well, but are just ripping you apart — because conventional wisdom usually says it’s the woman’s fault.
      It’s like walking through fire. It would be easier if he wasn’t there sometimes. Knowing you get up in the morning, comb your hair, put on your makeup, and he never notices. You buy some attractive lingerie and he never notices. And the worst is when you find a great blouse that is just the right style and cut and color for you, and he never notices — but the security man at the supermarket who knows you because you are always shopping there does notice, and tells you how nice you look. Not to mention your best friend’s husband. Nothing inappropriate, just a simple polite compliment. But your husband can’t be bothered.
      Yes, it KILLS. And getting laughed at or ignored when you seek his attention, and having it escalate into yelling at you in anger when you persist in trying to get his attention kills even more. At one point the temptation to draw my sewing shears across my arm just to feel the pain was too great, and I did because the pain of the cut on my arm helped me to feel like I was alive. After a while at home with him, I would start to feel perpetually sleepy, almost like I was in a fog. You can’t take care of your kids or homeschool that way. I wore long sleeves to be sure nobody saw. I finally sought help and after several sessions of therapy I had some tools to handle the feeling of total despair.
      I would wager that he doesn’t intend to have sex with you again. Sorry to be blunt, but I’ve already accepted that in my marriage. I am taking the steps I need to take to regain a sense of wellbeing and manage it. You made vows till death did you part, and you cannot back out of them. They are a done deal. You must be faithful to him in thought, word and deed regardless of what he chooses to do. You’ll be held accountable for how well you lived your vows; he will be held accountable separately. As a friend of mine said, I will follow you to the gates of hell, but I won’t go in with you. You have every right to say that to him. The marriage ends with the death of one of you, and you need to leave him to God.

      1. That’s very good advice. Thank you, Lisa.

      2. iamhissubmissive60 Avatar

        My husband has recently filed for a divorce. I have tried to talk him out of it, but he says he no longer wants to be married to me.

        1. That’s very sad, and wrong. I am sorry. You can bring up with him what the Bible teaches on marriage, and that the nature of the union is for life. Please write me if you’d like to talk about it. I will pray for you.

      3. Lisa, thank you very much for all your posts in this thread. You have described very well a serious problem that others also experience. I’m currently guiding my wife through a similar level of tiredness caused by the family size. She does need discipline but she also needs a great deal of energy and patience from me. Your marriage is added to our prayer list (really, though we had to find another way to write it down besides “Lisa from the spanking blog!”) Also, the observation about use of pornography in the failing relationships is likely correct. I’m sure every man who posts here has viewed spanking pornI certainly have, and I know it hurt her and she can probably tell in which periods of our marriage I did it.

      4. Busy Dad,

        Thank you most sincerely. Pornography is the most terrible scourge on this earth today. I had my high schoolers read “The Screwtape Letters” by C. S. Lewis as part of their high school work, and it should be required reading for everybody…correction, make that ALL of C. S. Lewis’s writings. My husband and I are now separated and I insitituted some very strict rules in our house. My adult son and senior high school age daughter both have flip phones as they are working and the son is attending college; he has his own laptop, but the rule in our house is that he may not show his siblings anything without my express permission. All technology must be in the common living areas. Not a one of us has a Smartphone. The only electronic books we have are my son’s college texts, which are calculus, foundational engineering principles, and physics, so can’t really go to wrong on that, and he does everything in the open unless he is in an online class and interacting with professor and students. We still have a couple of virtual piano lessons, but those are all in the living room where the piano is.

        We have immersed ourselves in books, books, and more books — real books we hold in our hands, not virtual books. With the unfortunate separation that finally had to occur between me and my husband, I banned most movies. We have an old-school analog TV that can only be used with a DVD player, and we have only old classics, and only those which I’ve screened strictly for historical or educational value, with a few on the lighter side. My daughters and I have always dressed femininely, modestly and conservatively, but I’m beginning to see even more how urgent it is that we not only continue to do so, but try to witness as much as possible to other women and girls how critical it is. I truly believe we are living in the end times. How much worse can it get? Our marriages and our families are falling apart! The world continues to descend more and more into chaos with no end in sight. I feel very pessimistic. I’m just begging the Lord to rescue my children from the pit of filth and destruction that is this Godless world.

        Praise God for His deliverance for you also, in releasing you from the bondage of pornography. His Mercy is boundless. In Him all things are possible, and He will never forsake you in the battle to overcome. Please pray for my husband.

  12. Sergeant Avatar

    Very good article Aron.

    Let me ask you something though. I believe those are common commands, even in non-disciplinary homes, in mine however, which does work with discipline, my wife does not deny intimacy but she has a way of going around those types of command and I don’t know whether that’s a bad or a good thing. For example if she’s cooking in the kitchen and I tell her to bend over she will turn around and day something along the lines “why don’t you sit/lay down and let me do the work?” It still intrigues me of I should let her do this or not, either way is pleasurable though, if we’re only talking about flesh desires.

    1. That’s a good question Sergeant. Even though she is not denying you, I would consider it an attempt to get around what you are saying. It is important for her to respond and obey. That is a part of how it trains her, not just the intimacy itself. For me, I would not allow her to ignore my words. She would need to learn to obey. However, it’s up to you and what your aims are.

      I also agree in many non-discipline homes, a close sexual relationship includes similar commands, even if not presented in the same way I do. It comes with intimacy, and with the nature of man and woman.

      Take care.

      1. Honestly, I don’t see the problem there. When he tells her to bend over he wants sex, and if she’s giving it by getting on top of him then end of the conversation, everyone is happy.

        Why is it not appropriate for her to take him this way? Why shouldn’t he allow her to do it?

        This is very confusing.

        1. I am not suggesting that it’s an inappropriate way to make love. Only that since you told her to do one thing, she should learn to respond and obey to that. I am speaking of training in submission, not merely of making love. I hope you see what I mean.

      2. Sergeant Avatar

        Hello A.,

        Well you see Aron does have a good point here. In this case my wife is being told to bend over, not to get on top of me, therefore if she gets on top she is disobeying a direct order, the ends do not justify the means in this situation.
        I believe that’s what Aron is saying.

        For my wife to exercise her submission she shouldn’t even be coming back around with a question when she has just been given a clear order. So it would be wise not to enable this behaviour and maybe bend her over myself to take her as I wish, in a way of demonstrating that I am in charge and she is not.

        1. Thanks. I would say in short she needs to learn to respond to your commands. It will help build her submission.

  13. Lovely article. I love when my husband orders me with sorry commands like “here now”. He always says “assume the position” for a spanking which makes me really submissive and a bit wary of spanking to come.
    The short commands are so much more effective at making me jump up straight away and obeying without a second thought.

    1. Thank you, Anne. Yes short commands are to the point and effective. They definitely communicate strength more than long explanations. It is good to practice responding to them immediately. Take care.

  14. iamhissubmissive60 Avatar

    To me it sounds as if she doesn’t want to bend over and get it from behind so that is why she is telling you she will get on top and pleasure you, so in my thinking here, she is being disobedient, which deserves a spanking if that is how you discipline for disobedience. Then after the spanking she should be soft to your lead and be very obedient to what you tell her to do.

    1. That’s very well put, and good insight coming from the lady’s perspective. Thank you,

  15. iamhissubmissive60 Avatar

    You are very welcome Aron. And my husband and I are finally making love again and I am following his lead, now I feel like a real woman again, GOD is good.

    1. That’s the best news I could ask for. Thank God. I trusted that your patience, prayer, and loving kindness would be rewarded. It will be very fulfilling for you both.

  16. iamhissubmissive60 Avatar

    Thank you so much Aron, I feel like you are a big brother to me. You have prayed with me and advised me to do the right thing alway’s and I prayed and asked God to do something beautiful in our marriage and He has. I told Mike yesterday he is too soft with me that I need him to be stricter with me because I have a bad habit of putting things off sometimes and I know this makes you angry with me and he said he will start being more dominant if that is truly what I want, and I said, Yes ,Sir it is. So I
    told him that I know the spankings are going to be painful but he is making me more responsible and holding me accountable to him when I mess up and don’t keep up with my chores or I put things off or spend too much money and he said that he would probably spank me before I go out shopping to detour me from overspending, I may be too sore to go shopping I told him!! He has been reading about CDD & is starting to see the good this will be for us, thank you again for all that you do for me and countless other people who read your page, we would have been divorced by now if it weren’t for you mentoring me, Aron.

    1. Wonderful. You’re welcome. I am very honored. That is why I write, and why I care about speaking with you, and others in similar situations. I also knew when I started that discipline would touch on every aspect of a marriage, and I’d be blessed with the chance to counsel on marriage in general, which is sacred, and greatly important. If I have been able to help yours, I am grateful to God.

      I believe there is a right path, and if we follow it there will be fruit. You have done that. I always trusted you would see that fruit come, although I know there are others who don’t see it yet. It sounds like your husband is on the path to seeing the value in discipline, and practicing it with you. It takes time to see that value, and gradually digest what it is all about, and how it would apply to your marriage. Once that might comes on it gets easier.

      I hope you both continue to be blessed in your marriage. Walk faithfully with the Lord.

      1. iamhissubmissive60 Avatar

        Yes Sir, and thank you again for your faithful service to God on touching on marriage, the greatest institute between husband and his wife and to mentoring us to make us more submissive to our husbands.

  17. iamhissubmissive60 Avatar

    Yes Sir, and thank you again for your faithful service to God on touching on marriage, the greatest institute between husband and his wife and to mentoring us to make us more submissive to our husbands. Looking forward to your next article Aron, take care!!!

  18. […] grow in that desire, gradually becoming more comfortable her own softness and with your guidance. Sexual service is close to the heart of being […]

  19. youngchristianhusband Avatar

    I am new to this site and love the insight. I have so much to learn about disciplining my wife and training her

    1. Welcome, young husband. I hope you find the site helpful to your learning. Discipline can benefit most marriages out there, and I believe you will see good changes. You are welcome to comment about your interest or experience in discipline. Thank you.

  20. Bob tells me please him orally sometimes, I never know when. He could be working in his office or even when we watch TV and he tells me to please him and I have to do it and do it right too. I have to take off all my clothes before I do it. When Bob wants us to have sex he puts me to bed without my nightie on after my bath , I wear a short nightgown and nothing else unless Bob sends me to bed and tells me not to put it on. I can ask to please him if I want and ask if I can go to bed without my nightie , which means we will have sex, Bob says OK most of the time. Once Bob makes me take my clothes off I can’t get dressed the rest of the day most of the time.

    1. I think sexual submission follows physical and emotional submission. A woman is less likely to deny you sexually if she’s spanked as a form of discipline. Either perhaps because she fears constant refusal to submit her body to her husband may result in a spanking or because she does not want to displease him. Either way, I think it’s less likely she’ll use sex as a weapon if she’s been spanked by the man she makes love to.

  21. iamhissubmissive60 Avatar

    Jane, you are a very good example of a Godly submissive wife, I admire you so much. I still have alot to learn about being as submissive as you are, but I am new to this discipline even though I wanted it and asked for it, I had no idea how much it would hurt. But, I deserve every swat I get and I am always very sorry after the spanking is over. I want to be very self- discipined like you. Thank you for sharing here.

    1. Thank you for your nice comment. Bob is my master who the Lord has put over me. God made us women to serve our husbands and bring children into the world to be good Christians. It makes me mad that so many wives think they are equal to men. God has a place for all of us, wives need to know their place. I see it at Church all the time, the way some wives talk. I messed up last Sunday but Bob didn’t get mad and punish me. I was talking with some wives and one wife said she did something she wasn’t suppose to do behind her husband’s back and I said that if I ever did that I wouldn’t be sitting down too easy. I got really funny looks. I had to tell Bob , I was afraid he would hear about what I said and then I would really get it. I thought he would take the strap to me when I told him but he just smiled and said don’t worry about it. I thought I was going to get a spanking for sure.

      1. iamhissubmissive60 Avatar

        Yes, I understand Bless your heart. I get the look and then he will either anounce I am fixing to get 1 or it will be a warning.

      2. If their a family dinner do you believe women should cook the meals and serve their men and kneel before them afterwards ?

  22. I like when my husband use short commands for what he wants me to do. When some of my former boyfriends asked for oral it felt more like I did them a favor but now when my husband commands be for oral pleasurer its more like I giving myself to him and thats so more satisficing. I think most of the commands you list are used by most married couples but in a man lead relation its no need for misunderstandings when you can be more strait forward what you want. The only two commands I have trouble to enjoy is “show yourself off” where I still be dressed but showing him my private parts by lifting only the necessary garments, I do enjoy that he likes the view of my body and I like the submissive part of it but still makes me feel a bit uncomfortable. And then “open wide” but that he uses only during sex when he is displease with me and only want to relieve himself, often after a spanking since I done something bad to render it in the first place. If its about oral I will only open my mouth and he will take me as he takes me in bed without me doing the pleasuring part, if Im now on my knees he can phrased it like “get on the bed with mouth open wide” and I know to put my head over the edge of the bed. Or if Im in the bed its for intercourse, outside bed it can be “go to the bed and open wide”, I then will lay on my back with legs open wide for him to take me and also holding my vagina open. Since this kind of sex is for his pleasurer it will not be any foreplay and often he will need lube to enter me.

    1. Yes, I believe much of that is common in other marriages. It is natural for a man to tell his wife what he wants, and for her to want to please him. Apart from male authority though, a lot of men think they need ask nicely, or that their wife can refuse. A woman should know it is a command, and gains a deep sense of belonging to her husband that way.

      1. He can ask nicely, and I can still know it’s a command. It doesn’t cost anything to be polite.

        The key point is both of us knowing that he doesn’t *have* to be polite.

        Of course it can also be more fun if it’s less polite.


        1. aronhusband Avatar

          It is not the same. If one gives requests politely, and also commands politely, then you cannot tell what is a request or a command. Similarly, if you make requests to your husband politely, it sounds the same as a polite command. For that reason, there should be a clear distinction, and a husband needs to be familiar and comfortable with using command language. A command should sound like one.

  23. Octavian Avatar

    The only variation I would add to this list would be “Display/Present!” “Display,” usually said while pointing at the floor, sometimes a bed or couch, means she has to get down on her hands and knees, knees apart, mouth open. If she is not already nude, she of course will strip first. “Present” simply means that she stays on her knees, but places her head and arms on the floor, back arched down, to give the best possible access. Sometimes she’s spanked in that position, sometimes penetrated, usually both.
    The other technique I wanted to share was one I used frequently in the early days, though I’m glad to say we don’t have as much call for it now. My wife has a bit of a scattered brain at the best of times. When I needed her to really listen to something, and it didn’t make sense to spank it into her, I would simply have her kneel on the floor naked, hands clasped behind her back, mouth open. Then I’d take my penis, at whatever degree of hardness it happened to be, and put it in her mouth, which she would gently close over it. Then, rather than having her suck and lick my penis, as one normally would, I simply have her hold it in her mouth, while staring up at me, usually with my hand resting on her head. In that position, we’ve found it’s much easier for her to focus on what I’m telling her. Usually, it’s been some simple but important task — ‘pick up Jennifer at the airport’ — that I really don’t want her to forget. I’ll explain to her what she needs to do, then repeat it once. After that, I remove my penis from her mouth, and she has to repeat the task back to me, verbatim. Once she’s done that, she is *responsible* for that task, and is in for a very serious discipline session if she forgets to do it. I never came up with a single command word for this procedure, usually just a point and a look would be enough.

    1. Thank you for sharing how you train your wife sexually. I can see how that would be a useful command. I can also see how your methods would help her remember your instructions. Not easy to forget a ritual like that.

  24. […] Training her sexually is also important early on. Frequency will vary from man to man. Young men desire sex much more strongly, but older men do not neglect it. A wife with a younger husband may serve him sexually every day. One with an older husband every week. Sex doesn’t just complement your discipline of her, but deepens it, and often reaches her in a way nothing else can. Sex can often get past her obstacles and stubbornness much better than a spanking. It can be successful in grinding down her claims of autonomy and her desire for conflict. It puts her immediately, and physically in her place of softness, of openness, and of service to her man. Use it to your advantage. In learning to love to give her body, she learns to love to submit. Nothing could be more important to learn early on in marriage. […]

  25. I can’t believe you all enjoy being trained like a dog is trained with “simple commands”. You know that God never intended patriarchy and for you to be ruled by a man but that was only as a result of sin. If you like living your life according to sin and not God’s first intention which did include equal dominion over the earth, then you’re not understanding what God designed you for. The whole Bible talks about Jesus restoring and renewing all of creation to what we were originally meant to be which will not include the results of sin. Which is patriarchy and male dominion and abuse over the woman. Y’all seriously got this twisted. If this is just your kink that is one thing, but claiming this is biblical or holiness is misunderstanding Genesis. I pray the Lord leads you all into truth. This type of rhetoric is dangerous for women. It really encouraged rape culture. Husband and wife are one flesh and if he is really loving her as his own self he would never force or demand or demean her because he wouldn’t do that to himself.

    1. This short angry complaint is useful in that it exhibits the kaleidoscope of errors that appear when you try and interpret the Scripture, and come to truth, from modern feminist presumptions and from personal ego. It just leads you into the same kind of traps over and over, and you’re not really going to see until you place your trust primarily in God and in His Word, and look for the good over the ideological sacred cows of the day.

      To call someone who receives training a “dog” is nothing but insult. It furthermore shows ignorance of human relationships and human behavior to attack only submissive wives as dogs, while accepting everyone else under authority as human rather than canine. That is not to mention the fact that women find great fulfillment in their man’s strength, a strength which their softness is built to harmonize with and naturally follow. She is fulfilled to be undressed, on her knees, and do as he says. It helps her to stay soft for her man, and to walk in her femininity daily. She learns to be a better wife that way.

      Training is good for mankind. People get trained in school, they get trained in athletics, they are trained as well on the job, on various levels, even being sent to leftist indoctrination courses so they can accept the leftist and feminist views of their employers. All this and more amounts to “training,” but commenters such as this one will not call these men dogs at all. They will accept this as normal and human, and keep their canine insults saved up for submissive wives and the men who lead them.

      That inconsistency shows their problem lies NOT with the fact someone is getting trained, but with the fact men are the ones in charge. Those men lead their wives, correct them, and enjoy their bodies as they please. Do not be confused. Their problem is not with training or even with spanking. It is with men in charge. They would be the first ones to support training in an environment they prefer, and even mandate you get trained. They love authority when they have it, and they believe in disciplining those under authority. They only are attacking here because it is a godly Christian marriage and the man is in charge of his wife.

      Patriarchy is taught from start to finish in the Bible. It is taught as a command, and is demonstrated as a practice by righteous people, and by all normal people, countless times in Scripture. If you missed that patriarchy is the doctrine of Scripture, you ought to go read the Bible again, and pay more attention.

      Even BEFORE the Fall of man, Adam was in charge. This is plain by the fact Adam is primary in creation and Eve is secondary. It is plain by the fact that Eve is created to be his “helper” and not the other way around. It is plain by the fact Adam names Eve, a signifier of authority in Scripture, and a power God also has. It is plain by the fact that man was judged after the head sinned (who is Adam) and not immediately after the helper sinned (who is Eve). It is plain by the fact that the apostle interprets Genesis for us, and when he explains why women need to be silent and submissive in the churches, he points to Adam’s primacy in creation, as well as Eve’s deception. Her role is to be submissive, and she is sanctified uniquely in bearing children. The apostle interprets Genesis rightly and feminists interpret it wrongly.

      It is also plain in the fact the Spirit-inspired New Testament teaches that man is the head of wife, paralleled to how Christ is the head of the Church, and God is the head of Christ. This is only made more explicit by the fact that women are taught to submit to their husbands in all things, as the Church submits to Christ, and how women are taught to emulate Sarah, who obeyed Abraham, calling him Lord. Women are taught to bear children and keep the home, and the older women are told to teach the younger how to be obedient to husbands and homemakers.

      On top of that, by way of demonstration, the head of physical mankind is a man, the head of the new creation is a Man, the Levites were all men, all the books of the prophets are by men, nearly every Judge for 400 years were men, nearly every king of both north and south kingdoms over many centuries were men, the apostles chosen by Jesus were men, the elders were men, public preaching was done my men, and the great righteous patriarchs who connect Adam with the children of Israel are all men. The Bible teaches and demonstrates patriarchy from start to finish.

      Jesus INDEED restores all creation, including human relationships, and including relationships between men and women. That is a great truth of Scripture. However, rather than destroying hierarchy in relationships, Jesus maintains it, as the Spirit-inspired New Testament teaches authority over and over. It teaches to respect the heads which God appoints, including parents, husbands, governments, masters, and God. Jesus, who is God in the flesh, had every chance in the world to choose women to be apostles of the Church, and instead He chose twelve men, continuing in God’s order for His special people and for all creation.

      Your term “abuse” is nothing but an insult, and the real abuse is the usurpation of authority by rebel feminists, who destroy marriages, refuse to do their jobs for their husbands, bear children outside of wedlock, and leave their families to selfishly pursue their own goals. That is the real abuse which is going on. Not to mention, feminism comes hand in hand with a documented and steep rise in crime by women, domestic abuse by women, and violence by women, including a rise in the bloody murder of children in the womb. The breakup of the family which has come along with feminism also leads to greater trauma for children, higher suicide rates for children, greater risk of the abuse of children, and much higher crime by children. Feminism rips apart millions of families and God himself calls this act bloody violence. So we all need to be wary of abuse, for certain. I agree.

      To practice discipline in marriage is not a misunderstanding of the Bible, and you have presented no evidence that it is. I have presented both the teachings and the patterns of Scripture which show the man is in charge, and the woman submits. Moreover, discipline from a biblical perspective is an expression of love. It aids the person who is being corrected, helps them to understand the seriousness of their wrong, and leads them away from that wrong in the future. That’s a great thing to do for someone. A godly person accepts correction with grace.

      The Bible promises that God chastises His beloved people and that Christ chastises His beloved people. The Church is even called the “Body of Christ,” but it also plainly teaches that Christ scourges that Body, and does so out of His deep love. Christ does not hate His own body. The Bible teaches that chastisement is painful in the moment, but bears fruit in the long run. We should not reject it. So spanking is neither cruelty nor a mere sexual persuasion. It is a form of discipline and applies the husband’s love by correcting the errant wife.

      The doctrine of male headship, and the practice of discipline is not dangerous to women Teaching them to be autonomous and self willed is dangerous to women. Teaching them to break up homes is dangerous to women. Teaching them to fornicate, and hang out at parties with men drinking is dangerous to women. Teaching them to spend years in higher education hopped up on contraception is dangerous to women. It’s both dangerous to women, as well as to men, to children, and all of society. That’s what is truly dangerous.

      Male headship in marriage does not promote rape. Man and wife share their bodies, and they have access to each other physically when they desire. This promotes peace, closeness, satisfaction, and the bearing of children who will be the future of society. Sex in marriage is no more rape than entering your house is home invasion, or making a withdrawal at the bank is robbery. Neither one refuses intimacy with the other. Man and wife live in blissful peace, sharing each other, and sharing each other’s resources in the right relationship, man as loving leader and protector, wife as gentle helper and keeper of the home. It is a match made in heaven.

      No one who endorses female autonomy, the breakup of marriages, immodesty, or worldliness has any business accusing anyone else of promoting rape. The current feminist culture promotes rape, and leaves women vulnerable to be used and abused physically and emotionally. It is a nightmare for women out there. They are raped regularly, and taken advantage of in every way possible, until they hate themselves and do not trust men. Godly marriage, in contrast, gives them a man who will love and protect them for life, cherish them, praise them, and enjoy the blessings of God together. Marriage is built for the goodness of man, woman, and children, and it is designed with men on top.

      It is, even more than that, a picture to the world of Christ and the Church, and the great peace that comes with Salvation. As Christ is the king, so is man, and as the Church gently follows Him, so does the wife follow her husband. Being mere friends pictures something totally different, unbiblical, and satanic. To attack the man’s authority is, in essence, to attack Christ. To honor and obey the husband, is to honor and obey Christ.

      I have already responded to various objections Christians try to use to condemn wife spanking in this article right here:

    2. I would like to note that I am not this Sarah.

  26. lesleyderby Avatar

    I am newly married and am learning to be a submissive wife, I find your articles very informative and are helping me greatly to become a good wife to my husband. My husband has taught me three commands since we married which are kneel, corner and present.

    Kneel – I must remove all my clothes and kneel before him.

    Corner – I must remove all my clothes and stand in the corner with my arms by my side.

    Present – I must remove all my clothes and kneel down with my knees shoulder width apart and my upper body on the ground, arms out infront with my back arched and bottom pushed right up.

    I must admit that I have found it quite hard to adopt these positions. Perhaps they will become easier in time.

    1. Hello Lesley, Congratulations on your new marriage. I’m glad my articles are helpful. Thank you for sharing about how your husband is teaching you through commands. It may be difficult at first, but I know you can learn to adopt those positions, and to wholeheartedly submit to your husband. It is your way of showing him you belong to him. I believe you can expect it to become easier as you learn. It’s great to hear from new couples like yourself.

  27. Ok I’m just really wondering what “put your hands behind your back” is used for? I must be lacking imagination but it doesn’t seem useful for any sexual position we have ever used, and would seem to be the opposite of what you would want for a spanking so…. What is it used for?

    1. Hello Curious, It could be used for any number of things, including taking her mouth forcefully. By itself, it makes her aware that she is powerless, and her man can do with her as he pleases. He may simply begin to enjoy her body, while she is in this position, and passively receives his attention.

    2. In general, crossing the arms over one’s chest is a closing-off, defensive gesture. We are taught not to do it in conversation because it pushes the other person away, destroying intimacy, discouraging openness. Even if obviously done because you are cold, it still has this off-putting effect.

      Putting the arms behind the back is the polar opposite. It is a posture of openness, of acceptance, of expectation. It is determinedly non defensive and nonaggressive. I have seen a nurse put her hands behind her back to look at a small child’s sore tooth; it said loud and clear to the child, “I’m not going to hurt you; I’m not going to touch you; you’re safe”.

      It is a posture I find myself increasingly using in church. It is receptive. It is respectful.

      And then what Aron said too. 🙂

  28. Deserving Avatar

    Hello Aron.

    I would add a command that really helped me at the beginning of marriage. “Open your mouth” was something my husband used a lot.

    This command was always used after the “Get on your knees” command. It helped me realize that it wasn’t just my position that was needed for submission, but also my service. It allowed me to grow in my submission and be ready to accept my husbands penis for a blowjob, and sometimes just to have it in my mouth for a period of time. It may sound odd to some, but that command was as important for me as being in my knees. It helped me accept my husbands headship.

    Aron, do you think that’s an appropriate command? I know my husbands requirements are what I need to consider, but I truly value your opinion.

    I’ve read this article and responses a few times and wanted to respond to sarah but didn’t have the words.

    Sarah, I am so offended by your response. I know I don’t matter to you and you probably won’t read this because it was so long ago, but you clearly don’t know this way of life. To say that I am a dog as a righteous wife or that I am into some sort kink is inherently wrong. I am not ruled by my husband, I am LEAD by him. I have choices and am honored by God to serve him. I know that my submission and his requirements bring glory to God because my body belongs to him. It says so in the Bible. It’s not a kink.

    The rape stuff you mentioned is an insult. You have nothing to back up your claims and I am relieved Aron responded in the way he did. You seem to be the twisted one who doesn’t understand what headship and submission are. You don’t seem to understand what marriage is. My husbands commands and spankings and are not demeaning, they are necessary. They are in large part why we are still married after all these years.

    Aron, I am sorry to rant but I wanted to express that. I hope it’s ok.

    1. Hello Deserving. Thanks for your comment. I think that’s an appropriate and helpful command to use. It help’s a wife learn to receive from her husband, when her husband desires it. Many women try to stay in control while giving a blowjob, but the command helps her learn that her man is in charge during that act. It further reinforces that if he remains in charge physically, and takes her mouth forcefully. She is simply receiving him, according to his will and his power. She learns more deeply her mouth is there simply to honor and to please her husband. I’m glad your husband’s commands have been so rewarding for you. I’m sure he is very pleased with your submission.

  29. Justawomanfromnevada Avatar

    My husband has so many commands, he’s a creative man plus he’s funny. I do things for him with love that’s why he never need to correct me. Mostly he makes me laugh and things go so well.

  30. Old Soul Avatar
    Old Soul

    Commands are very useful for cutting through the mental clutter and snapping both husband and wife into a discipline/obedience mindset. We use ‘present’, ‘all-fours’, ‘kneel’, and ‘open’… a big one that’s been helpful is a simple time of day, with a preset meaning. If I text, ‘10:30pm’ and nothing else, she knows that means ‘be showered, shaved, in lingerie, standing in the corner of the bedroom, arms crossed behind your back, in an obedient mindset, ready for discipline or sex, at 10:30pm, and silently wait in position until I enter the room and give you your next command.’

    Always interesting to text her ‘10pm’ at 2pm and see how she reacts and how well she behaves at dinner time 😉

  31. When a man and a woman do a couples dance together, the man takes the lead and the woman follows that lead, the two communicate wordlessly as she feels where he is going at each moment and matches her movements to his. He steps right, she steps with him. He starts to spin, she joins with him. As they dance together more and more, they wordlessly become one, and he does not have to speak for her to know how to be His partner in the movements.
    Similarly, in sex, one does not need to be commanded. A loving husband caresses, and starts to move towards this or that, she simply yields, cooperates, offers herself to whatever he is trying to do. She is swallowed up in his love, he is enfolded and honored in her surrender.
    One can command and have the other obey, but this rudimentary ….it would seem a fuller image of Christ and His church, and Lover and Beloved, comes when love flows between both of them, uniting them in an intuitive, frictionless dance of initiative and surrender.

    1. Hello Heather, Thank you for your comment. I don’t find that to be the case. If we were merely talking about making love then sure, that seems to be more the case. Although even while making love we are not mind readers, and the occasional command is useful. However, here I am primarily writing about training, in which a wife is learning to be more submissive through her sexual submission.

      It is a context that requires she learn to respond to her husband’s commands promptly and without resistance, so that this mindset will grow within her. Some wives experience resistance at first, but over time move more easily with their husband’s will, and learn to find satisfaction in it. Then over time, I believe, it more mimics the situation you describe, not only in bed, but in daily interaction.

      I hope you see how that works. Blessings.

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