Use of the Warning

The effects of spanking and the effects of your overall leadership as a husband go hand in hand. This is perhaps nowhere more clear than in finding that warnings do immediate good to change her behavior. They don’t involve having to spank her, but only letting her know she will be spanked if her misdeeds continue. I encourage husbands to use the occasional warning as necessary, interwoven in their system of teaching and discipline. I don’t find they are necessary very often, but I find they are effective when done hand in hand with leadership and correction.

A good time to give your wife a warning is obviously when she is getting close to territory that will earn her a spanking, especially if it’s a severe one. You can let her know briefly that if she does not behave she will earn herself a session over your knee. If you’ve been consistent with her, she will know that you mean it. You’re not playing around. If your spankings have been hard and undesirable, she will likely heed that warning, and change her behavior. That’s what I’ve found to be true over and over. If I see my wife is procrastinating with something she needs to do, I’ll let her know that if it isn’t done she’ll end up being spanked by the end of the week. Then I’ll ask if it’s going to get done. She says yes, and it does. Further, if my wife is edging into argumentative or disrespectful territory, I will tell her bluntly: that talk needs to stop right now, or I am taking you upstairs for something you will not enjoy. Do you want that right now? My wife changes her attitude on hearing those words.

It’s important to note that those warnings are effective, just as my other instructions are effective, because a spanking is undesirable. If it were not undesirable, there would be little threat there in the warning. It would be empty words. She knows that I mean it, and she’s been over my knee plenty of times. She does not enjoy having to be disciplined so she will seek to heed my warnings. Not once have they failed. One could imagine using a warning that you’ll give her a non-spanking discipline, and perhaps that would work. However, as I say elsewhere, I find spanking more effective than say, writing lines, or doing a research paper. The spanking is more humbling, it is more of a deterrent, it deepens her submission, and it has more immediate results. That’s why my warnings are not that she will be grounded. They are that she will be spanked, and she knows it will be hard.

A woman learns to follow you easily, and to show you respect regularly in various ways. That includes your example, your gentle instructions, your loving affection, and your correction when needed. The warning is where your verbal instruction meets the hard sting of your strap. It’s firm enough to give her a deterrent. Yet it is mere words and does not require enduring a discipline session. You might say it bridges the gap, and gives you more to work with in guiding your wife rightly. In the long run, she may appreciate that you give her warnings, since they protect her from your strap, and give her a chance to fix things and right her behavior. It is, you might say, a great spark of motivation. She’ll be relieved she doesn’t get in real trouble, Warnings are also convenient. They will also save you the time of giving discipline, which can take up part of the evening you’d rather have to yourselves. They can be a quick fix, if you use them well.

One final note: a warning is only good if you deliver on it. That means if your wife does not heed you, then she should receive a soon spanking, one of equal severity to her offense, and to her rude dismissal of your warning. It is what she has earned, and it will help your future verbal instructions, and future warnings to be effective. Do not let her disrespect your warning. She will have to spend time bearing the strap if she does. I have seen my wife respond in tears even to just a warning, but after her brief distress, she quickly did what she needed to do, and I was well pleased. She knew very well I would spank her, and she responded with obedience.


14 responses to “Use of the Warning”

  1. I try to give my wife a warning when the situation allows. She almost always responds favourably because she wants to avoid a spanking. She knows she only has the one chance to shape up or else. My wife has also become very emotional from just a warning. Sometime just firing a look at her is enough for an attitude readjustment. I do give a non spanking punishment with a warning if I think it will benefit her such as having her stand in the corner. She knows at this point she’s walking a very fine line and that my strap is ready. Excellent article Arron, warnings are a powerful and not unpleasant way to get your wife back on track. Of course for serious infractions the warning is skipped altogether and it’s an automatic spanking that will be unforgettable!

  2. Long Time Practitioner Avatar
    Long Time Practitioner

    I give a non verbal warning by looking over my glasses… That usually gets immediate results because she knows the strap is coming if her behavior is not changed at once. Sometimes she requires the follow up but she has learned that the look means business

  3. Sergeant Avatar

    In my household it is still too early to tell how anything other than a true physical correction works. However either through a look or through a verbal warning my wife has learned to understand that she is not going to get it easy if she continues with a specific behaviour, although her responses are not so soft, she’s very sullen and still rebellious even while doing as she’s told to.

    To me as a husband trying to not go overboard, the difficulty is knowing well when she’s overdue a good spanking to keep her in place or if she’s just a bit stressed, that is when I try to include the warnings.

    1. Glad to hear how things are going for you. Like others I’ve spoken to in the similar position of leading a rebellious wife, I think you are making good progress. She is accepting verbal warnings and discipline already, which is a great start. Just be persistent in reaching your goal.

      As far as knowing when a spanking is really in order, it helps to have the rules clearly established and clearly communicated. If she steps over the line, do not accept excuses. She should face the consequences of her actions.

      While I don’t normally use maintenance spankings in my marriage, if I saw continued sullen and rebellious behavior from my wife, I would include some regular spankings to remind her of her submission. However, the judgement call is yours as to whether they’d be useful.

      I thinks she has a lot on her heart to let go of, but once she lets go she will be amazingly relieved, and find peace in your hands. Inside I believe she knows it. She wants to be unburdened of her rebellion.

      I pray the best for you both.

    2. Hope things are going well for you, Sergeant. I just wanted to comment on the stress part of your comment. My husband and I are just starting with CDD, but I have to say that it is SUCH a stress reliever. For me, stress starts to build when I feel like I have to make things happen, or I have lost trust in my husband’s leadership. I am benefitting from regular Training Sessions at the beginning of this journey. I feel my stress dissipating and my trust in my husband increasing. Just a thought, in case that is helpful to anyone else.

  4. Aron, I think warnings are an excellent way for a man to guide his wife, as well as a kindness he can offer to help her avoid punishment for temporarily straying from his command. We all forget ourselves from time to time, and I think a new bride especially would appreciate the gentle boundary, almost like a guardrail protecting her from a nasty fall. In turn, this gives her the chance to show her man the respect he deserves, as she gets quickly back on course with a smile and a “Yes, sir!” If the warning fails to achieve the desired result, then a good man knows what he must do. As you said so well, a man who follows through with punishment is a man whose word is heeded by his wife.

  5. Just a little while ago I got a warning and I adjusted my behavior to meet my husbands approval and he praised me for heeding his warning. I didn’t get a spanking but I did get my mouth washed out and 15 mins of corner time. But he had to give me two warnings that is why I got my mouth washed out and corner time. If I had gotten the 3rd warning I would have had to bend and bare and I would
    have been strapped hard and long.

  6. Since my last comment I had to tell my husband I disobeyed and lied to him. And like I knew he would he sent me upstairs and bend me over end of bed and he striped my bottom good with the strap his current instrument of choice for my misbehavior. I am so grateful that he takes me in hand and is not afraid to blister my behind When I disobey.

    1. iamhissubmissive60 Avatar

      Me too Jan…I get mouthy sometimes from years of my husband letting things slide in our marriage. But, even though his punishments are painful, I deserve every stripe and he reminds me that I do, too!!!

  7. Again, I can’t imagine living this way. I am not under my husband’s authority and there is no way I would allow him to treat me with such disrespect. If he has an issue with something, he needs to discuss it with me as an adult. If he ever tried to “discipline” me he would be set straight very quickly. In our marriage, we are equals. I would never accept anything less.

    1. This is a reply common to people who object to marital discipline. It is also one of the less vulgar and insulting comments which you have left on this website.

      You claim to have an equal relationship with your husband, and that you deal with problems just by talking as an adult, but in my experience this is not true of people who claim it. Even if they do not have a formal leader, they have one who leads by their forcefulness or cleverness, and gets their way frequently that way. They also have conflict, which while not permanent, shows that trying to have two heads inevitably and repeatedly leads to conflict.

      I don’t doubt some things can be talked out — and in domestic discipline marriages there are things that get talked out too — but it’s clear by your language and attitude that you do not merely talk things out. If your language and attitude is anything like what you’ve shown here, then likely your husband knows if he stands up for himself, he will deal with your ire, and he is afraid of that. Otherwise, he’d be taking charge and not let you push him around. Likely, he knows inside that he has to take a weak stance, because you are pushy and rude and try to get your way. That means he becomes a compromised, and effeminate man, and lets you dominate him when your foul mood arises. He lets you be more “macho” than he is. So you get your way.

      From what I’ve seen in your comments, you could benefit in your life from your man’s leadership and discipline. His guidance would help you with your spirit, so it is not so full of anger, filth, and pride. Some consistent, hard punishments would help you to hold your tongue, and learn a little humility. That’s up to him, but despite your comment above, I’ll bet your husband is in fear, and needs to start leading you. You are a prime example of an out of control woman.

      A wife benefits from submitting to her man, and we benefit from submitting to Christ. But first we have to be humble, and know that we need the forgiveness and the leadership for our souls. It may take you time to see it, but I believe that you can. Man and wife are not equal, but exist in a harmonious relationship of head and helper, and this is by God’s design. It is not only the teaching of the Holy Bible, but is written into our mind and soul. Men and women are uniquely designed for their parts in marriage. Their bodies are different, and their inner beings are different. That’s why it works so well when we follow God’s plan, and why we can both find it satisfying. A well led wife does not talk the way you do. Nor will she ever.

  8. A warning can have an immediate effect in re-establishing boundaries. It’s a good deterrent and, I think the words used can have as lasting an impression on a woman as a few well-aimed introductory smacks to her backside. A verbal reprimand first, followed second by a few slaps to her clothed rear end should be enough to cause a wife to reconsider pushing her husband into giving her a spanking.

  9. tryingtosubmittohim Avatar

    Just a thought: when I was little, it only took a look from my parents to change my behavior. However, it didn’t change my heart.

    Spankings from my husband are the only thing that has truly modified my behavior.

    I’m grateful that there are gracious husbands who warn their wives, of course, but I honestly would rather just get a spanking. (Maybe I’ll feel differently as years go on because we are still in training.)

    1. Yes, the power as well as intimacy of a marital spanking can truly change a woman’s behavior. It can touch her soul when done rightly. It shapes her on multiple levels.

      I agree that a spanking is sometimes needed more than a warning, but for practical purposes, it could get too tiresome or time-consuming to spank for more minor things. Warnings and verbal corrections handle this promptly and very well.

      They also allow a give and take on both levels — that of instructions and of discipline. I believe it’s good for a wife to learn from both effectively. To only learn from a spanking would in a sense disrespect a man’s leadership in general. It’s good for her to get practice following her husband in every expression of his headship, words too.

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