Consent in a Spanking Marriage

The subject of consent comes up immediately for nearly anyone if the subject is disciplining wives. We understand intuitively from our sense of fairness that consent in some form must be given. A spanking is something that most people do not desire. In the moment, they may in fact absolutely not want to experience it. Moreover, spanking acts as a punishment, and we all know that punishments are given in a system where there is authority. We naturally want there to be a choice as the whether to be under that authority or not. Nearly everyone expects consent to be there. Outside of domestic discipline, it is easy to find debates in the world of bdsm about the nature of consent, and how it can be given. Is it a one-time thing, or does it need to repeat itself? Can consent be revoked? I want to primarily look at where consent lies, and not at every other question. Spanking in marriage is uniquely tied to the marriage itself, so we should expect that the consent is as well.

While I understand the desire to form a unique spanking agreement, I firmly believe that consent for spanking lies in consent to marry. When a wife marries, she puts herself under the authority of her husband, and being under that authority, will be disciplined and corrected when needed. It’s part of the fiber of marriage itself. Living in a culture, however, that does not recognize the man’s real authority in marriage, it is useful if not necessary to distinguish a consent to spank from consent to unite as one. A man can explain to his wife beforehand how discipline works, and she can ask questions, and affirm she agrees to live this way. It is also naturally that the wife wants to know what she is getting into, and make sure it is not too totalitarian, or of the extreme nature. Here affirmation will come with knowledge of what will go on, and acceptance that this is a part of her man’s leadership of her. I spoke to my wife before marriage as well, and would not have expected her to know she would be spanked, even though there are still some cultures in which any wife would expect there to be discipline involved.

I see the true consent to be disciplined coming with the consent to be married — at the wedding. That is when the true and binding relationship of man and wife begins; when he formally becomes her head and protector, and she becomes his helper and subject to his rule. Any consent before then was naturally of the unbinding nature. It is the marriage which is binding, to make two one, and to unite for life. When she steps into that union, she steps under his authority, and he has the right to lovingly discipline her.

As I’ve written about before, there are couples who make a separate spanking agreement, apart from their marriage. It usually is written, contains proper affirmation by both parties, and many specifics of the spanking arrangement. It may show mutual agreement to authority and submission. It may list some or all of the behavior which will result in discipline, as well as the responsibilities of both parties. While I understand the usefulness of such an agreement, I am not a believer in them. It seems they are an attempt to mimic the marriage itself, when that does not need to be done. If anything, that would take glory away from the marriage, and place it somewhere else. It may be helpful to have some details spelled out, but one can discuss those details when discussing discipline. They do not need to be a part of a formal and separate agreement. I would keep the consent, and the basic structure of the relationship, in the marriage itself. The marriage has all the structure and the lifeblood to sustain a rich and continual relationship as head and helper.

Remember, that might be a hard concept to understand — that the correction of a wife is already contained in the union itself — but meditate on authority and you will understand. A man’s authority is real; not a highly limited kind or a mere play act. It is the same that parents, government, or God have. Real authority comes with making binding rules, and correcting those under you. That’s why many cultures, and other religions of the world, do not need such a long explanation as to why a man may spank his wife. They just understand authority, and that takes care of it. A man’s rule over his wife assures that he has the right to spank her.

Some men who practice discipline will accept the idea that consent can actually lie in the choice to accept an individual spanking. The idea that a spanking goes against the desire of an autonomous individual is threatening enough to them that they make sure that individual can refuse any one of them. The individual freedom, at all costs, must be protected. This view of consent, I think little of. I actually see that it is threatening not only to discipline, but to authority in general. A wife could be free to refuse correction at any time, with the result being, she is not corrected, and continues her bad behavior. She may feel free to disrespect her husband, knowing that any consequences she may face can be refused. Does the state ask the citizen’s consent every time it issues a fine or places a person in jail? Do police ask consent every time they make an arrest? No, of course not. That would make a mockery of authority in general, and uplift the individual over the government in a preposterous way. If we can see how that idolized human freedom to the point of absurdity, I think we can see how it idolizes human freedom to think a man needs to receive consent from his wife for every last spanking. Human freedom is just not THAT important. Other things are important, including right government, laws, and good behavior. So human freedom needs to take a step down at that point, including from the wife. When she agrees to marry her husband, she agrees to his rule. Once he is ruling, he doesn’t need to say “please” every time. If he did, there would be no point in being the head of the home at all.

What about revoking consent? If a wife’s consent lies purely in the act of marriage, and does not need to be repeated every time, that means she could never revoke it, correct? Let me say two things about that. Under ordinary circumstances, yes, she could never revoke it. That would be akin to rejecting her marriage union, since her husband is her head. Marriage is for life and so is the right to discipline. However, I do see that under far out circumstances, such as a husband who took discipline to a great extreme not discussed before, she has a right to refuse to consent to that. If it goes well beyond what she actually consented to at the start, it makes sense to see she can refuse at that point. Her consent was never truly given in the first place, since she had no idea he would take punishment to an extreme. However, if her concern is merely that she does not think she is getting much out of discipline, and sees it as more of a problem, I see that situation simply as a point of discussion between husband and wife. She may not revoke consent, but can make her concerns known, and if her husband discerns that the discipline is no longer helpful, or causes problems, he will choose to end or put a pause on it. That’s his choice, but it’s worth talking about if there are problems. The idea of absolute refusal would only be under the most extreme of circumstances.

A woman moves in her world as her husband’s body — beautifully according to his will. In soft accordance with his wishes. It is a world of constantly helping her man. It is a world of consent. She is a part of him and would never think of conflicting with him. The thought of being opposed to him is the thought of war. The consent that a woman gives in marriage is lived out in the submission she gives daily because in that moment they became part of the same body, he as the head. While it is far easier to accept some of a mans decisions than to accept a hard spanking, they both rest on the same reality — she is his. She is his to love, lead, nurture, protect. Accepting his love and his leadership means accepting a spanking. She may not want it in the moment, but she never thinks to refuse. The reject that would be to reject her man, and often inside she knows it helps her. She accepts his love, as she accepts his firm hand.


43 responses to “Consent in a Spanking Marriage”

  1. Hi Arun your blogs helped me a lot. 1st thanks for that. A small request please creat a WhatsApp or Teltgram group. That will help us to learn new tricks in spanking. Ypur new articles willl also reach us soon. so kindly creat a group. Thank you.

    1. Please creat as soon as posible. that will help us to clear our doubts properly. ypur artivle will also reach people soon.

    2. Hello Jack, I’m glad the blog has been so helpful to you. If I had the time I’d certainly use other kinds of media to put my material out, but I don’t have the capacity right now. However, for those who wish to communicate, I am always happy to do so via e-mail. My e-mail is on the footer and the contact page.

  2. Aron, as always, you’ve given your readers so much to think about! For myself, I agree that my consent to discipline is an inherent part of the vows I will speak to my husband on our wedding day. I will pledge myself to him body and soul, and for me to ever deny his dominion over me would be to deny the legitimacy of our marriage. Our marriage and my man’s holy authority will be sanctioned by God. Who am I to stand in opposition to the will of God? (I would say a young lady in need of a spanking, but I suppose that goes without saying.)

    I will add that, as a woman, a large part of the question of consent boils down to trust. God doesn’t require consent to rule over us, of course, but it requires deep trust in Him to submit to His will, knowing that His love for us will lead us down the right path. I love my man and will offer myself to him in marriage because I trust him on the deepest level. He has committed to care for me, guiding me through all the days of my life, and I know without question that I will be well-protected under his loving headship. My consent to this or that in the moment is both irrelevant (as you so eloquently explained, a wife has already consented through her vows) and unimportant. If I truly trust him to lead me in our marriage, then it is my duty to follow him faithfully. Even if that lands me over his knee from time to time, my consent to that discipline is implicit in my trust that he will always do what’s best for me. Questioning every little move he makes and quibbling about whether I “consent” to my spanking is the exact type of discord that marital discipline is designed to prevent.

    Perhaps faith is an even better word. When my loving husband does choose to correct me, it will be my abiding faith in him that not only helps me bear my punishment, but open my heart to the lesson he wants me to learn. Consent is such a cold word, implying a mere tolerance for what’s coming. Faith, trust, and love are much more fitting words for what should be a wife’s joyous embrace of her husband’s authority. On our wedding day, I won’t be simply consenting to bend over whenever I’m told, I will be lifting my heart to God in gratitude for the strong, godly, and righteous man appointed as the sovereign leader of my life. I will fervently ask Him to help me to listen to my new husband, obey him without question, and accept his spankings gracefully, with an open heart. This is how I will “consent” as a woman of God.

    1. Thank you for your insight and commentary. You are well prepared for marriage and for discipline by your husband. Trust is a central subject I plan to write on in the future. Bless you in your coming union.

    2. John Bradley Avatar
      John Bradley

      I would never try to discourage anyone from doing what they believe to be God’s Will. But I would remind you that the same St. Paul who told wives to be “submissive” to their husbands also said “Slaves, be subject to your masters” .

      Today, we recognize that slavery is incompatible with Christianity. We recognize that certain things that early Christians believed, such as the acceptance of slavery, were the result of the cultures they lived in, rather than the Gospel of Jesus.

      I certainly do not equate the loving correction of a husbandly spanking with a master’s whipping of a slave. But I do think it diminishes the human dignity of a woman if her husband simply takes the attitude that he is entitled to spank her simply because she is his wife.

      If a man really believes he needs this kind of disciplinary authority, he should discuss it with his future wife BEFORE the marital commitment. If she refuses to consent, he can always decline to marry her. Or, they can negotiate the circumstances under which he is entitled to spank her, perhaps just for grave offenses, such as adultery or attempted suicide.

      I believe in male headship, but I see it as a spiritual responsibility, not a governmental right. Certainly, a man should give his wife “fraternal correction” (to use a Catholic term), but this correct should be verbal, not physical.

      1. Hello John, Thank you for writing. You express your thoughts well, and with more understanding than most who differ on the subject of wife spanking. I appreciate your approach, and hope you are blessed by this website despite any differences.

        You certainly have the right to choose a verbal form of correction as a husband if you desire. It can be successful. However, the man, as head of the home, has a right to discipline his wife since he is the authority. This is not substantially different from other authorities in Scripture, including the Lord Jesus Christ. It comes naturally with headship, and the husband’s headship is not of any different nature.

        Now if I understand your objection, it is not that some men spank their wives, but that I and others say it is basically a “right” of the husband. Is that right? You’re fine with it as an agreed-upon extra if a couple desires it.

        You present a line of reasoning regarding Paul’s teaching, in order to deny discipline is a right. However, I find your method of denying the husband’s right takes a very liberal approach to Scripture, one which, if applied broadly, could pretty much deny any authority.

        For example, let’s say I tell you — well the same Paul that said to obey the governing authorities also taught slaves to obey their masters. That suggests the government doesn’t have a real right to punish criminals. You would not accept that reasoning right? And if I said — the same Paul who taught children to obey their parents also taught slaves to obey their masters, so parents don’t have a right to punish their children. Would you find that reasoning acceptable?

        Now I hope that’s a fair representation of what you’ve said. But I’d say, if you don’t accept those two lines of reasoning, you should you accept the same argument regarding husbands either. Husbands are an authority like any other.

        Regarding view of slavery, the Bible never says that every form of slavery is wrong. That’s what modern culture says. The New Testament accepts slavery, and you’d have a hard time proving logically or biblically that slavery is always a sin. If we start with Scripture we know a few things about this varied practice: that some forms are wrong and are prohibited. Some forms of slavery can be accepted. The Christian should treat a slave with kindness as a brother, remembering that he himself was forgiven. However, the ideal is human freedom, since God set us free from bondage.

        Remember, we still use Paul’s teaching on this subject regardless of the cultural change. We take Paul’s teaching about slaves — which we no longer have in the West — and we apply it to obeying modern masters — our employers at work. So this teaching about a master’s authority is valid and practical every day: Do what your employer tells you. Accept correction. Your employer has a governmental right to discipline you.

        So let’s be consistent here. The issue of slavery fading away is really a red herring to the discussion. Heads have real authority, whether parents, husbands, masters, government, Christ, or God. It is not a mere spiritual direction, but is authority that commands and that can discipline.

        To claim the husband does not have this, is also to claim logically that parents don’t have it, employers don’t have it, government doesn’t have it, and God doesn’t have it either.

        So I see a good consistency there throughout all Scripture when it comes to authorities. Authorities make rules and can discipline those under them. Now I don’t disagree that spanking should be discussed before marriage. I let my wife know that this is how I manage things, and she agreed to the system However, the need for consent comes largely from the culture, and not from the nature of marriage. Since authority lies with the husband, consent to discipline is wrapped up intrinsically with consent to marry. In a world that understood this, there would be no need to receive that form of consent, although it would still be good to talk about the nature of the discipline, and make sure it is fair, and that both parties understand it.

        To claim a husband has NO right to discipline his wife, is tantamount to saying he has no authority, because that’s what it means on a practical level. He cannot enforce his authority. A wife can rebel at any time. One cannot separate discipline (whether through spanking or other means) from the nature of the marriage bond, and of authority itself.

        I find it a fair disagreement, and I understand where you are coming from (I think). It is good to hear from a brother who respects marital discipline, and doesn’t follow the wave of the culture to demonize it. Anyway, please give the points some thought.


      2. I hope no one will be punishing anyone for suicide attempts. Call 988 or 911 and get help—or seek serious help within the Church. This is not precisely a matter of misbehavior, though it is often grave sin.

        Suicide is evidence of brokenness inside, which cannot benefit from the “refinement” of discipline until there has been “repair”. One might suppose there is always demonic involvement.

        I have some of this on the authority of a beloved who was broken inside, and is now out of reach of human correction.

        Blessings and love,


  3. Miranda Avatar

    Hello Aron ,

    Well as you said, it’s easy to find a few religions and various places around the world where consent to physical punishment is tied to the act of marrying itself. However, in my own experience, living in the western culture I find it extremely necessary to have this very clearly discussed and even think to have it written is a good bureaucracy to go through to legally protect both parties.

    You see, as a Cristhian woman I look forward to marrying a good Christian man with whom I can share my values and the values God left for his beloved Church. I come from a Christian family and am the youngest daughter to three brothers, I am no stranger to spankings and other forms of punishments, that doesn’t mean I wish it to be carried into my marriage. Since I was nineteen I had been dating a man that attends the same church as my family does and our families are close to one another, last year after four years of relationship he proposed to me and it was magical. Although I noticed some change in his behaviour, one day as we met for lunch after I had taken a jog (I like to take care of my body and my fitness, so I do it often) he looked at my leggings and said that “those have an ending date”, it was just a joke and I didn’t really understood what he meant, and when I asked and pushed for a conversation we ended up discussing these matters. Well as I said I do not wish to be physically corrected by a man, I left that in my childhood and I am good, so after some thought I asked him to undo our engagement, he thought I was doing it out of fear and the break up didn’t sit well with our families. We have been in touch and he still wants to marry me but you see he doesn’t mean to change his mind, all he does is say that knowing me I would hardly get in trouble and tell me I shouldn’t be afraid and I really wish to be with him I love him, but that’s just not okay with me.

    My point with that is, if that joke about the leggings hadn’t happened, if I hadn’t pushed for a discussion about it maybe the subject would never have come up, and it would just be something implied in the act of our marriage, something I didn’t agree with. So although I am suffering so much right now, I am glad I did not go into this blinded about what awaited me, regardless of what he or my father thinks. We thankfully live in a time of free choices and this matter specifically should be introduced to the woman beforehand and both parties can start a marriage in the same page.

    1. Hello Miranda, Thank you for your comment. I appreciate hearing about your experiences and thoughts on the subject of marital spanking (they’re certainly much more mature than others who don’t believe in the practice who write to me).

      Sure, there are plenty of women who would not enter a marriage knowing that spanking is involved. Others would. I think a lot depends on their understanding of discipline, and seeing it in the right light. Either way, that’s why in this culture it is best to discuss it before hand. However, I believe spanking should be a norm in marriage, so that it would simply be assumed to take place. It would still be worth discussing just to clarify how it works, but spanking would come as no surprise.

      You have a right to your opinion, which I’m sure is thought out. However, I find that many who reject spanking (not just women) seem to focus on the physical aspect, or the pain, and not the overall submission and correction of behavior that it helps with. Spanking is only a means to a good end. As far as it being for childhood, there is thousands of years of human history to show that adults receive corporal punishment, not only children. That includes the fact that the Bible endorses whipping on certain occasions for adults. As a Christian I know you would hold the Bible as truth.

      I would also encourage you to look at the fact that, without an effective discipline system, many husbands would find they had no real authority. They would find they could not function well as the head. A head needs to be respected and followed. Marital discipline helps assures this happens. No discipline often means no headship, for practical purposes at least. A woman who rebels, or who is irresponsible, can find spanking brings her back on the path very quickly. That’s what I find to be true, as do others here.

      So as a Christian, I would ponder if an authority without discipline can really function as an authority, especially in the face of a poorly behaved subject. I believe you’ll see, with some examination, that they cannot. That’s where the spanking fits in.

      This young man (it sounds from your story), was commenting on your immodest dress. If he were your husband he would have every right to instruct you to dress modestly, and in a fashion that glorifies God. A godly wife would listen and obey him. It is only when ungodliness and disobedience comes in, that an immodest wife would be spanked, but that would be from her own behavior, which she would soon learn to change.

      Anyway, I ask you give those points some thought. Please take care. God be with you.

      1. Miranda Avatar

        These are really considerate thoughts on what I wrote, thank you for that Sir.

        But then again I tend to disagree with some of it but I won’t get into that. Firstly, and most important of all, yes the bible is my truth and God is my Lord, that is unquestionable in my heart. It is clear where you come from when you talk about authority and discipline, and I do in fact desire to be a good submissive wife someday, yet I am well aware I am not perfect and I do not wish to be physically harmed in the moments I happen to be imperfect. Yes I’m very much afraid of the pain, I won’t lie and say it’s not about that, but I have absolutely no pain tolerance. Spanking in adult life always seemed to me like a sexual thing and aside from that it is just hurtful and rather diminishing to who is being spanked. Also I should note that there’s not many options for clothing when one is up to doing a workout.

        Sir I didn’t mean to come here and purely disagree with you, I was merely researching about these matters and felt compelled to comment, but upon taking a further look into your website I see this might not be the place for me, although I’m sure my father and my fiance or ex fiance would appreciate your views.

        God bless you Sir.

        1. That’s fine, Miranda. Thank you for explaining further. You are welcome to visit here anytime, but if it’s not what you believe in, then you have little reason to study more. Spanking is not for everyone, although ultimately I believe it is the husband’s decision on whether it is used. I hope you do well in learning to be a godly, submissive wife without it. It certainly is possible.

          I don’t mind a disagreement at all, and I think a lot of insight can come from debate. In your point regarding clothes, it may be true there are different opinions among people of what to wear, but there is only one truth regarding our apparel and behavior in the word of God — it should be modest, plain, and we should avoid being tempting to others. These are truths on which our opinions must be founded. The head of the home can set those standards for his wife, and a pastor for his congregation. Clear lines definitely help with these things.

          Blessings to you.

      2. Sergeant Avatar

        Hello Miss Miranda,

        I couldn’t help but be moved and intrigued by your story, so I have to say it. Firstly I believe you should go careful while diving into this, but do not fear a spanking or a physical correction, they are there to make you a better person to make build you back up when you yourself have broken you own being down. Be sure this man is good and faithful to you, pray to God if that’s your call and trust yourself and follow your role as a woman, then you’ll know what truly is to take your designed place in life. So my opinion is that you should give it a chance.

        Wishing you well,

        1. That’s very good advice for this young woman of God. Thank you.

    2. I can’t help but wonder how Miranda is doing now. I hope she is happy and well! I would certainly never want to pressure a woman to consent to a marriage including spanking (and it likely is too late to matter now anyway), especially considering it can’t really be given a chance since the decision is permanent, but it does make me think about the fact that I almost certainly would have ended my own engagement if my then-fiancé had insisted on discipline being part of our marriage. And we have now been married for nearly 16 years and have five beautiful children, and I brought the idea to him a year and a half ago. It makes me sad to contemplate how much I would’ve missed out on, and thankful for the trust that has grown between us.

      1. aronhusband Avatar

        Thank you for your comment. It can take time for a woman to understand the purpose of discipline, and to lose any excessive fear she may have about it. It takes time for a man to understand and embrace discipline also, although his situation is different. There is no one uniform way to introduce it. I hope she is happy as well.

  4. This is a true message, but I do believe it takes much wisdom for husbands who have wives reluctant to submit to being spanked. He must clearly make his case and understand that forcing her could be risky. Many couples do not have the blessing of starting their marriages with this clear understanding of the husbands authority.

    1. Thank you, Mia. Yes, it can take more time for those starting in the middle of marriage. Often she learns to walk forward in submission, and make progress, before she really understands the use of spanking, and loses some of her false conceptions about it. It definitely takes clarity, understanding, and patience for the husband in those cases.

  5. I know you have written on this but how important are actual tears? Woman differ in their needs and responses and I know it is for their husbands to determine, but is it possible for spankings to be successful without tears being shed?

    1. Hello Mia, Thank you for your question. This comes up from time to time. Tears are common during a discipline session, but there are a few women who have trouble crying, and won’t shed tears even during a long hard spanking.

      I believe tears are important. They allow a woman to express her heart, her sorrow for her actions, her shame, and just cleanse herself inside by letting it spill out of her. However, I wouldn’t go so far as to say they are necessary. People’s psychology is different, as are their feelings. Sometimes people seem so different as to be different universes.

      A woman who does not cry can still benefit from the correction. That includes understanding her wrong, feeling and expressing remorse, and receiving a strong deterrent, through the shame and the pain of being bare and spanked. The lack of tears does not mean none of that is happening, although possibly it might. A husband has to use his best discernment to see if he’s getting through.

      Both the words of the lecture and the spanking itself can lead a woman to cry. I encourage men to lecture their wives firmly, and to spank them hard. This leans a woman toward shedding tears abundantly. Not every woman will, nor do they need to. It is a benefit, but not a necessity.

      I hope that helps answer your question. Blessings.

  6. Yes, thank you.

  7. TexCogrl83 Avatar

    I’m not sure I would be able to make it through a hard spanking if I had the power to stop it. I am begging by the end for it to be over. I understand if you introduce this lifestyle after the marriage begins there must be some kind of formal discussion, understanding, acknowledging, and consent from the wife but that consent must transcend through the years. Like Aaron says if the husband decides to change things and it’s no longer what they both agreed to at the beginning then there for sure needs to be a discussion.

    It’s hard for me to imagine having the ability to stop a punishment and not yelling it for it to before it’s over.

    I know I have read before “consensual non consent”. That is how it is for us. I sometimes beg my husband not to spank me. I beg him to stop, I promise him I will never do this or that again, I promise I will do it and not forgot. Descending on why I am being punished. I have consented to my husband that I trust In him and his leadership over myself and our marriage. I know he will not punish me unless it has to be done. Even when I am crying and begging he is in control of how the punishment will go, how hard, when it will end. My point is it’s hard to receive a punishment that is hard enough to change behaviors. It hurts, almost everytime I can not imagine making it through til the end. I do not think I can. I always do though. I know the punishment would not be very productive if it stopped when I thought It should.
    My personal experience with crying before/during/and or after being punished is that releasing tears always 200 percent of the time helps me feel so much more. I feel more remorse, I feel closer to my husband afterwards. Sometimes I cry before because I feel bad, I’m afraid because I know whats coming, sometimes I cry when my husband speaks to me before. I do not always cry and you can for sure have a punishment that is absolutely helpful and forces growth without crying. I cry on the harder punishments because my husband is disappointed, he speaks with a very stern voice, more so than normal, and of course the spanking hurts more. It’s harder, it’s longer, and it for sure has a more pompous circumstance. Thank you very much

    1. Thank you, TexCoGirl. That’s a very good description of the experience, and of how you understand it. I agree spanking would become pointless with many women if they could stop it, because much of the time they would. I can see that acceptance lets you learn much from your husband, and from the lesson he is giving you. God bless.

      1. iamhissubmissive60 Avatar

        Spankings are not just for children, I believe if a woman is being disrespectful to her man then he has every right as her husband to spank her and I would be balling because my pain threshold is very sensitive to pain!!

  8. Sergeant Avatar

    Firstly, I completely agree with the overestimated individuality of freedom, one doesn’t get to walk free of a wrongdoing just because “they’re expressing their freedom” this type of speech has harmed our society for way too long and continues to create destructive homes.

    Other than that I would certainly appreciate if you could dive into the matters of when discipline is introduced later in the marriage. I believe it’s a whole different situation, although everyone is an specific case for some it may help to and overall understanding, from both male and female sides.

    1. Thanks for your comment, Sergeant. Sure, I agree it is a different situation. Nevertheless, it is still possible to come to an understanding much like is present if one agrees to authority and discipline before marriage. It is a matter of reestablishing the marriage on a new foundation. I would also be interested in hearing from those readers who started discipline later in marriage.

  9. nicolelinn45 Avatar

    Another great topic Aaronhusband
    I wonder if in the 30s,40s and 50s when a couple married it was just implied consent to discipline/spank the wife because that was the norm? If so I would like to go back to those times, before the feminist movement and men became effeminate. I am so glad that I am in a traditional Christian marriage. I knew that after our vows my husband is the head of our family and I would be under his authority. I knew with that authority he has the responsibility to hold me accountable for my disrespect and disobedience and that he will use spanking. I have felt that “authority” on multiple occasions since our vows. I love our CDD marriage and I love my husband for being a leader.
    I wish our society could go back to those tried and true times.
    One of the commenters talked about trust and faith in your husband to discipline appropriately. I think that is what courtship is for, questions are answered, you begin to trust one another. God put a very strong sixth sense in women for a reason. In general we have the ability to know if we can trust this man and put faith in him that he will protect us even though his discipline. I am very blessed. I have a man that is firm and even thru the “barnburner” butt bustings I completely trust him.


    1. Thank you very much, Nicole. Like marriage itself, none would be possible without trust. In a past era I agree it is likely no explicit consent was given, since it was generally understood that the husband has the authority to punish his wife. But even in such a setting, it can be useful to discuss discipline, just to have a good idea of how it works. It sounds like you are very blessed by a loving and firm husband.

  10. young submissive Avatar
    young submissive

    Hi Aron, Excellent article. When I marry, I’ll trust my husband to protect me and care for me fully. That means I’ll submit to his discipline with a willing and open heart.

    1. That’s a wonderful attitude. Thank you.

  11. Under the law of the state a husband needs the consent of his wife. However, a Christian wife knows she must obey her husband in all things and obediently submit to a spanking if he decides she needs to punished. My wife was brought up in a strict Christian home, it was no secret her mother was spanked by her father, so she knew when we married God required her to submit to my authority. Unfortunately I failed to use that authority at the beginning of our marriage, and this caused problems.

  12. I like the idea that the husband is endowed with the duty and obligation to spank and otherwise discipline his wife as needed. No pre-arranged acceptance required on the part of the wife. In practical terms, I find it is insufficient to simply hold these beliefs. There is too much societal conditioning and pressures that can create doubt and hesitancy, both for the man and for the woman to simply accept this as a default. That’s where a written agreement can help. Boldly affirming acceptance of each other’s duties and obligations helps assuage the man’s reluctance and honestly, codifying the depths of my trust and obedience deepens my proper submissive mindset. It gives him more confidence and gives me more acceptance of our roles. While our early “agreements” are laughable to us now – highly prescriptive – we still make such written agreements and amend them from time to time. Far from limiting him, we have found they help embolden him as they are reminders of his responsibilities as well as mine. But, I do see the hazards in such agreements. They become negotiations, bartering for things that are not mine to barter, thus must always be in the context of me always trusting his decisions, even if they fall outside our written agreement. Our agreement is just our general guide that is always superseded by my vows to obey him.

    1. Thank you for visiting, Jennifer. I appreciate learning how written contracts have worked for you, and how they interact with the marital relationship. It sounds like you both find them helpful, as I know other couples do.

  13. This is truth. I have never understood this until recently and I pray that the Lord will send me a husband that I can serve and submit to and who will guide and correct me in love when I fail to so.

    1. That is a great thing to pray for. I hope our readers can join you in that prayer, and that you find a godly husband soon.

      1. Theresa Avatar

        Thank you I would greatly appreciate prayers. I am in my 40’s, I lived a wild life and have been blessed that Lord has brought me back to Him. I am young at heart, very active and fit and need a husband who can mold me into his image as God intended. Feel free to contact me @ if you are man seeking a wife to serve him. Thank you Aron for this wonderful website and all the great work you do for God.

        1. Thank you. I am very honored. It is more than worth the time and effort to be able to help you, and others who care about marriage. Praise God for His glorious work in bringing you back to Him. Be blessed.

  14. I’ve always believed consent comes with marriage, but I do think it’s important for men to inform their girlfriends before marriage what to expect when they misbehave. Perhaps by telling them off or giving them sanctions that instill in them the knowledge that you can then cement once we’d, that their are consequences to misbehaviour which you are not afriad or hesitant to discipline her for. Once she’s become accustomed to this, her first spanking as a wife will feel like an inevitable conclusion to a disagreement.

    1. Yes, it can be helpful to practice the right roles before marriage, and to get into the right patterns of behavior. Various forms of correction before marriage can help her easily receive discipline once they are married. It helps her to have an idea of what it will be like. Thank you.

  15. […] stopping the practice really only amounts to a pause. That’s because I see the husband as carrying the right to discipline as he sees he needs to. So even in a marriage without spanking, or one that has ended […]

  16. Better Lady Avatar
    Better Lady

    My husband and I started DD late into our relationship also. We have been together for 23 years and I approached him and suggested that we add discipline but more importantly that we embrace the roles that God has blessed us with by shedding western ideals and misdirection. We both felt a bit awkward and he especially as a man in a society ripe with feminism, me too movements and victim mentality, was very concerned with spanking me. As such, we do have a written agreement but it was not about permission as much as it was just a guideline for us. In the beginning, I would read over it and know that this journey was requested by me and it keeps my aligned with my needs. I don’t actually know if my husband has gone back to it or not but I do know that over the last several months, both of us have become much more comfortable in our roles. Additionally, we are both much happier, we are closer, more respectful and responsive to each other and there is a renewed sense of calm and peace in our home. Our love life is incredible. Everyday is a joy. I have gained the courage to embrace submission and make suggestions to my husband from reading the articles and the comments throughout this site. I continue to learn and we continue to grow together. I have made other posts but I cannot help to say it again. Spanking and submission has increased my overall joy in life everyday with my husband. Even on days that it is a little uncomfortable to sit down…..

  17. User1234 Avatar

    Consent can always be revoked. If your partner ignores your revocation of consent, they’re abusing you.

    1. Consent is given when entering into a marriage. It is not something that needs to be given in every instance after that, nor that can be revoked. I can’t speak for people who practice headship extra-maritally, because those relationships each have their own bounds, and can vary, but marriage includes governmental headship by the husband, in a lifelong relationship. It does not just end.

      The government isn’t going to ask you if you want to revoke consent if they come to arrest you, or when they come to throw you in jail. A husband isn’t going to ask that either. He can take his wife’s desires and feelings into consideration, but his right to rule is normal and natural, and is no more “abuse” than the government’s. He rules his wife until one of them passes away, and has a natural right to correct her.

      To be excessively cruel or unjust is abusive. Discipline is not.

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