Sex as Dominance

For many couples the introduction to a man’s headship and a wife’s submission is not a religious belief, or even a website like this. Their discovery of spanking may not be from a “fetish site” or a popular film. Rather countless men and women realize the reality of the marital interplay of masculine and feminine through sex. No matter what worldview they’ve been trained in or adopted, they experience male power in sex. No matter how many times she’s been told it’s wrong, a woman may first long for her husband to command her through what they do in bed, or through her own fantasies of the same. She longs for him to tell her what to do, and hold her down. The strength and yielding present in heated sex are enough to get nearly anyone headed in the right direction when it comes to understanding gender roles in marriage. Our very bodies are built for it. Our minds are designed uniquely for their masculine and feminine role as well. Sex is a teaching tool in being a man or a woman. You should use it that way.

Even the simple act of spanking can be learned in the sheets. Not hard to find is the man who almost without thinking finds a woman’s bottom so lovely it needed a strike or two. Then it needed three or four more to show her who’s in charge. Then a couple more on each side to really drive her in bed, and make her yours. A woman is not ignorant of this either. Her submissive roles has not been forced upon her by real mean oppressive barbarians over history. Rather it’s a part of her. She herself can discover it nearly the same way a man does, when the sting of his hand becomes something that is surprisingly not scary — rather electrifying. It doesn’t just burn the skin, but makes her soft inside, totally given up to him, cleansed of all barriers and completely in his hands. There is a moment of fright. But it disappears in the bright light of passion and longing. His power breaks her down. It destroys her resistance and she loves it Virtually the entire marital order is replayed in bed — like a painting of it, or an opera, or a song telling the story of love.

This is why sex is a training tool beyond others in establishing the order between man and wife. That’s why I cannot encourage you more strongly to use it that way. Be aware of what it teaches. How it enlightens both partners to who they are. Men will find that leading their wife to submit in the marriage bed cuts through her resistance to submission, and bears fruit daily. They will find their wife more at peace, and more submissive after sex, just as they are after a spanking. The intellectual barriers that contemporary women have to submitting to their husbands are just blown away as they submit their bodies in bed. As their body learns to submit, and their heart learns to submit, so does their intellect and their actions. It is sex that reaches through to the soul most directly and may be the best of teachers.

Men should make sure their wives regularly submit sexually. I’ve written on how to do this through commands and through oral training, but I speak now more broadly about making love. She should be giving you her body regularly, and learning to respond to you in bed. Along with learning to go down to her knees at your words, she should be open wide to you, taken regularly on her back, and on her knees. She should know her sex is your possession. You own it. You desire it. You know what to do with it. She should feel your power over her as you make love to her and take her as you wish. She can still feel you rock hard inside of her the next day, smell you, and taste you. She’s your woman and she knows it.

What I speak of power in bed, of course I don’t only speak of holding her down and taking her hard. I don’t only speak about riding her until she’s sore. You also show your command over her with your intimate knowledge of her body. The attention you give it. Your desire to caress every spot on her soft skin, as if she were one continual, undulating erogenous zone. Knowing her body, and knowing how to give her pleasure, shows your own mastery of her. She lets go to you. She gives up anything she is holding back. She longs to be clay in your hands, as your fingers make her lose control. To be the foamy seas parted by the blows of your heavy ship. You are the musician playing her delicately and sweetly as an instrument, and that makes her become one with you.

Any wife should enjoy time fully in her man’s hands. He should lie her back, undress her, and give her a long working over with his hands, his lips, and his tongue. She should not have a care in the world, but to enjoy her man’s touch, and to be adored from top to bottom. Just as a man tells his wife he loves her, desires her, treasures her, he also shows her that same love he has by taking her to the top of the world, by wanting her to have all the delight she can. Every inch of her body, inside and outside, is his desire, and all his attention is on her. His piercing aim is to take her further. He will stop at nothing to lift her up to shuddering peaks of pleasure.

You should vocalize to your woman what you want her to do. Tell her where to go and how to move. She will learn to respond with gladness. Likewise, tell her what you plan to do with her body play by play. Be explicit. There are many readers who know exactly what I mean, but there are those who do not. Something as simple as — “get on your knees and put your butt in the air” — is a start. So is — “take this top off.” Or — “open your lips and take my cock in your mouth . . . Open wide for your man.” Tell her who she belongs to, who her body belongs to, who her sex belongs to, who her mouth belongs to, and enjoy every part of her. Just as you daily lead your wife with words and correct her with words, you also use words powerfully in bed. She will come to know them as a part of her guidance, and they will touch on her inner being. She will follow you naturally.

There is a time and a place to speak of intimate things. They are special, and private domains. You have every right to in bed. In contrast, the contemporary society believes that vulgarities and sex talk is for anywhere they want; it’s for the airwaves, for the street, for television, for casual conversation — and in doing so it pollutes the entire world with its filth. It makes all society soak in lewdness. It brings the sexual element into environments and relations it does not belong, such as friendships, the workplace, or the public park. But what is wicked when treated as a common thing and in public, can be normal and good in bed. There is a right time and place to speak of what men and women do together, and this is it. People only bring intimate language to the public sector for pride, for thrills, for profit. They don’t belong there, and they cause harm when they are.

This of course is basically how sin works. A man who has been given everything — blessings, knowledge, pleasure — decides it’s not enough. He doesn’t feel like he’s man enough with all his blessings, so he goes and breaks the law just to feel more important. It’s pride. Adam had everything he needed in the Garden, including the tree of life to eat from. Yet receiving from God was not enough. He had to try and take the place of God by doing what is forbidden. That’s how sin works. It’s kind of like a rich son, who has education, love, and material resources in the grand home of his parents. He is very wealthy. Yet at night he dons a mask, climbs out the window, breaks into people’s homes, and steals property of far less worth. Why would a sane person do that? For the pride. Because it makes them feel big. It gives them cheap thrills. The same is true of using words of sexual language. God has given us a right place for sex — the marriage bed — and a right time so speak of marital intimacy. But man has to go look for something cheap, and treat is like it’s cheap, but parading sex around town. He takes something valuable, and replaces it with something common, or wicked. Such is the corrupt nature of man, and why we need redemption.

A woman hearing your words in bed, whether tender, sexual, or commanding, is more willing to respond than at other times. Often she yearns to respond. Those words are the keys to her inner being. A woman who almost immediately wants to say “no” on a daily basis, finds she responds with “yes, yes, yes.” Her soul is warmed to hear her man tell her what to do. To tell her — take off your top. Strip. Turn around. Open your lips. Take it now. She shudders in softness where otherwise she might feel cold, or resistant to you. She practices the most diligent obedience naked in bed, and gives herself to you to do what you wish. Train her there. A woman who can’t stand being told what to do, who loves to say — I’m not your property — will cry with excitement and cling to you when you tell her — you belong to me girl, and smack her hard. Put her to good, dutiful service between the sheets and you will find rewards in every coming day.

Not only does a woman love to hear you tell her what to do, and handle her strongly like a man, she loves knowing she is your desire. She’s NOT autonomous from you. She’s not a rebel people. She is that deep beautiful glow you see on the horizon as you sail off into your sea — full of natural beauty. Awe. She is like nature mystifying, and the object of your eye, your attention, your care. She is the land to be tamed, the soil to be tilled, the possession that the conqueror will occupy and build upon. You desire her. She is your beloved. She may almost want to push up against you only to feel your strength, as you hold her down again, possess her, and make her yours in every way. She loses her selfishness this way. She loses her false autonomy. It is a moment of transcendence. She longs for your desire and your love, side by side with knowing your power. Knowing this and feeling this deep within, she yearns to serve you, and the resistance fades away. She wants to be your treasured helper, and never to hurt you. She is conquered, a happily conquered people.

A man can show his wife he owns her from each sexual position uniquely. A man taking his wife on her back, is literally above her, manifesting his headship and protection of her. He can look into her eyes and see her face, showing and experiencing his knowledge of her — his knowledge of her soul. He can drizzle her bosom with gentle kisses and caresses, taunt her and tease her pinching her flesh, or hold her down firmly under his power and hammer hard straight into her. He can perhaps do all this at once, with power and tenderness. He can stretch her out, pinning her to the ground, enter relentlessly into her, and delicately paint her neck with with the soft of his lips, and her breasts with the tip of the tongue. The man having her on top also has her opened wider for him than perhaps in any other way, as he not only penetrates her tender sex, but grabs her legs and stretches them far apart, or up in the air, making her more open to him than she ever imagined. He stretches her wider, does not for a moment let her close. She knows she cannot resist his power. She cannot for a moment withdraw.

A man taking his woman from behind, also shows his dominance. Here she is in the ultimate submissive position — on her knees — and humbled having her bottom in the air. Any illusions of being in control evaporate for the dame, as her man bends her over and takes her. She cannot see him, but he sees her, and takes what he wants without her arms to get in the way, or even to reciprocate. Her shoulders to the ground, and her face in the bed, she is ultimately abased. Even a woman who loves getting taken this way knows there is something humbling about being bent over, as it is a physical, erotic admission of defeat. She is the conquered one. A master riding his steed is the one in control. The steed is the one being ridden. Taking his wife on her knees places him in the easy position to slap her hard, and to hold the reins by holding her hair to control the ride. Perhaps no other position lets her know she is being taken by her master than being ridden from behind. He continuously sees the evidence of her surrender, in her upturned bottom, and available sex. With every thrust he reminds her she’s taken.

Letting your woman ride you on top does nothing to take away your mastery of her. She can enjoy deciding the pace as she likes, and deciding the motion, and the man has his hands free in great position to explore her body easily up and down. He runs his fingers on her lips, down her neck, her bosom, and to her sex as they make love, easily handling her two places at once. If he chooses, he can lift her off the ground. When he wants to take his turn to control the pace, it’s simple enough to take her by the waist, or the hips, and move her as he desires. He has full play of the motion of her body, swinging her hips thighs, and bosom. He enjoys the view of his wife’s beauty as he lies back, and lets her show off her body and movement for him to enjoy.

A woman can melt away at her man’s strength when he takes her both ways repeatedly. He uses her on both ends to open up to his own enjoyment. She loses her self completely as she’s stuffed full in her sex, and then in her mouth, and then back again. Her body becomes simply the vessel for his desire. She is stripped naked to be taken as he wants. The easiest position to do this from is while taking her from behind, with her rear in the air. It’s not hard to be riding her from the back, take a stride over to her face, and then ride her face hard for a while, and then quickly return to open up her sex again. She knows she is yours to open. It’s only slightly more work when riding her from above, on her back, to go from hammering her between her thighs to climbing up and straddling her face. You an make her feel entered through both ends at once while making love, sliding your fingers in her mouth, and exploring it, and having her suck on them as you take her. A woman entered and filled both ways knows she is a part of you. It leaves her feeling covered inside and out by your body, and wanting it more and more, craving that you own her harder and deeper. Tell her she belongs to you, and she will know it. She has been shown it through her body.

I often hear from men looking to get over problems in their marriage. In some of these cases, it is clear there is a roadblock in the marriage bed. It’s not the only roadblock, but it is sizable. Either sex is infrequent, or when it occurs, it is overly decided by the wife, and by her preferences. Overcoming this barrier, likely put up by a wife’s insecurities, or poor attitude, can open up enormous potential in the man to lead and the wife to whole-heartedly submit. That’s on top of bringing them both delight and much closeness. Women come to learn they are not the ones who decide how or when sex will occur. Women learn not to put any conditions on sex, or use it to bribe or threaten. The man learns he can take his wife just as he likes when he likes, and a woman learns to let down the barriers she has haughtily put up, and give of herself fully, being the conquered land her man enjoys. Every barrier gets stripped away, and and every inch of her flesh is her man’s to use.

Women, much more than men, are connected to their bodies, and moved by their feelings. This is one reason she can respond so well to you sexually. It’s why sexual training can be so effective in helping her let go of resistance. Her mind may want to surrender to you, but can’t figure out quite how. It may not be able to overcome her pride or her mouth. But her body loves to surrender to you, to lose itself, to be molded softly to your will. Her flesh and her powerful feelings learn to give way to you, and to be in awe at you, in a way that breaks down any walls she has built. Your work in bed is not mere pillow talk or pleasure. It is learning to take the right shape, which for a woman is conformed to your strong will. It is her flesh loving to fulfill your command. Repeated lessons have lasting results for woman. She should know your strength over her and in her, together with our deep longing for her, and the knowledge that you have of her body, to bring her almost unbearable pleasure. Where words and discipline help guide a lady, much else gets worked out in the marriage bed. Let the real instruction begin.

Note: I want to congratulate Israel, which appeared as number four in visitors on this website the other day, although she is much smaller than other nations high on the list. Despite all their differences, I hope Jew, Christian, and Muslim all know peace in marriage through headship and discipline.

Happy Resurrection Day! The Lord lives and rules forever.


60 responses to “Sex as Dominance”

  1. Octavian Avatar

    Greetings, aronhusband, and thank you for another compelling piece.
    One thing I have been interested to hear more about from other husbands is how they determine when discipline is required to improve their wives’ attitude or behavior in bed. Sexual desire ebbs and flows, so I don’t think it’s reasonable (or even fun) to contemplate a wife who is 110% enthusiastic about every type of sex, all the time. Of course, the sex still needs to happen, so when do you say “enough!” and punish her reluctance or unenthusiasm with a spanking?

    1. Hello Octavian, You’re welcome. I do not believe in using discipline when a wife didn’t do a good enough job in bed. I think that would be too perfectionist, and also lessen the experience of intimacy. I would certainly punish for refusal to perform, since sharing bodies is an obligation. I’ve never had to do either one though, as my wife would never refuse me, and she is comfortable doing what I tell her to do in bed. If I think she needs to do something differently, or better, I will tell her, and she makes a point to do it like I want it.

      I did speak recently with a woman who was spanked by her husband because she refused to give him oral, and she has since learned to do it regularly. I think any woman can learn to please her husband in bed, and most often learn to enjoy it as well.

    2. I can only give you a perspective from my marriage and how my husband handles this. He does not require 110% enthusiasm, but neither does he allow reluctance, pouting, struggling, complaining, or outright refusal. If I am not enthusiastic, he still requires me to stay still and quiet for him while he uses me. I am ashamed to say I really struggled with this at the beginning of our marriage; I did not understand my marital duty, and I often tried to refuse him. That resulted in a lot of hard spankings and beltings and a very sore bottom for me. As someone said in another comment here once, in our house a wife saying no to sex means saying yes to a sore bottom. I learned that it was better to avoid struggle and let him satisfy himself without earning myself a punishment, because it hurt more when he would use me roughly after my bottom was sore. I’m grateful for this discipline and training, though it was very difficult for me at first, and now I do not refuse him his marital rights.

      1. Wow great testimony!

  2. Better Lady Avatar
    Better Lady


    My husband has never had to spank me in relation to sex. As a woman, I can tell you that clear communication and expression of love from my husband drives me to please him. If your wife is not responding to you sexually, maybe she is not confident in her abilities or your enjoyment. As Aronhusband often points out, women are much more emotionally connected to their bodies and sex and it helped me to know that my husband desires me, enjoys what I am doing and finds me attractive. Even if he gives me suggestions or redirects me, he tells me he is enjoying me but would me like to (insert his preference here). I know what works for us may not work for you but I thought you might appreciate a woman’s perspective. I would find spanking to be a barrier to better sex, not a motivator.

    Aronhusband, thank you for another wonderful and thought provoking article.

    1. You’re welcome, Better Lady. Thank you for sharing your insights and experience as a submissive wife. Bless you.

  3. Octavian Avatar

    I’m not sure if I expressed myself as clearly as I could have. The point I was attempting to make was that, of course, no one expects that anyone can perform sexually, regardless of other circumstances, all the time. Other posts and comments have touched on the willful refusal to have sex as an area where some men have taken or advocated some kind of disciplinary action. My question was more intended to see where the threshold between lack of enthusiasm and willful disobedience lies in people’s minds. But perhaps I’m not framing it right?

    1. Thank you for clarifying. That’s not an easy line to draw. Enthusiasm isn’t always something under our control, and it can ebb and flow on its own. I think in most instances the answer is to tell her what to do in order to satisfy you more. As long as it’s something reasonable, she should not have any trouble doing it. If she refuses, then you’re in the territory of disobedience.

      It’s not something I encounter much. If I’ve ever needed my wife to do something differently in bed, I have told her, and she always complies. I’ve never instructed her on enthusiasm itself, but she has clearly grown in that regard, without needing correction. Some things correct themselves without too much worry, and with a little time.

  4. I was spanked hard yesterday because i refused to have sex

    1. Hello, I would think that as a submissive wife you would not need to be spanked for that at all. Sex is something to be desired anyway.

    2. Octavian Avatar

      I’m curious about your experience, why did you refuse sex, and did you know you would be spanked for that? Did you wind up having sex afterwards?

      1. Octavian,
        I was annoyed because my husband didn’t let me out for a week , so I got a little bit nervous and when he said strip woman i foolishly said no, it doesn’t take me a long time to realize that I put myself in a very very very big trouble, I immediately knelt down and humbly opologise but all in vain it was too late since these evil word came out of my mouth.
        I got a harsh spanking and one hour corner time and of course I ended up having the most rough sex in my life.
        I admit it was my fault i can’t blame anyone except myself
        i consider myself as a fervent advocate for women total submission to men but eventually I have failed to submit because we are human we make errors all the time and that is why spanking is a perfect tool in men’s hands to reinforce obedience and submission in our brains and attitudes as women tend to forget easily.

      2. Octavian Avatar

        obeysubmit, thanks for your response. I’m glad to hear that you were immediately contrite about your defiance, and that your punishment was effective as well. As aronhusband points out above, hard, rough penetration is a fitting way to remind you of your husband’s rights and your own submission.

      3. obeysubmit Avatar

        Sir Octavian
        Yes sir,it does indeed
        Harsh spanking + rough sex = meak submissive woman

    3. obeysubmit While Jane has never outright refused if so some reason she did she would immediately be punished severely and then we would be intimate. However Jane always has , without any fear of punishment , the right to request that we not be intimate, this rarely ever happens, but I honor her request almost always. She has the right to request but never to refuse. In too many marriages wives use the withholding of intimacy to control the relationship , a Christian wife has no such right. Our new minister and I got on this topic at the golf club for some reason and he told his then new wife , when she got upset about something , had the idea that she could get pouty and refuse him when he wanted to be intimate. She found out that this resulted in him using a riding crop to adjust her attitude and then submitting to him and then getting another session with the crop. . She came to understand quickly that saying no doesn’t work in a Christian marriage

      1. obeysubmit Avatar

        Yes sir women are created to submit and obey and please their masters whenever they want, it’s not up to us to say yes or no

  5. Wondering Avatar

    What about wives who are VERY uncomfortable with doing things that her husband wants? Like… no way even being able to comprehend anything “oral.” I’ve been married 20 years, and have NEVER been able to do that. It’s not because of rebellion. I just cannot do that.

    1. Hello Wondering, Thank you for your question. I don’t often meet couples that have never practiced that for twenty years. I’m glad I have the opportunity to speak to you now.

      I would say that discomfort, or hesitance, about giving oral can be easily overcome with time. A lot of that discomfort comes with insecurity, or a sense of shame attached to the act, or with other acts. Some women feel insecure about their husband seeing their body too, but they learn to show it to him at will. Some women are afraid of having intercourse, but they do, and they continue.

      When you get married your body becomes your husband’s as well, and his becomes yours. It is not yours anymore to withhold. Trust in your man, let go of the desire to control, and you will find that intimacy, along with acts that make you feel uncomfortable, becomes much easier. Over time there is great joy and peace in being in your husband’s hands, knowing that he is in charge. Not you.

      As far as giving oral, nearly any woman can learn. She can learn to get used to having his manhood in her mouth, get used to the smell and taste, get used to having it against her throat, get used to swallowing every time, despite any innate reaction against those things. It takes time, trust, and practice.

      A man’s encouragement and instruction also helps his wife. He can help her feel at peace, and guide her in what she does while pleasuring him. He can let her know she needs to. A wife should also treat it as a responsibility, and not a matter of mere personal taste. Sharing your body is your responsibility to your husband, and like any other, you need to face up to it even when you’re not feeling like it. It is what you owe him, and you’re the only one in life to do it for him.

      Many are the ladies who felt very insecure, and a bit afraid about giving a blowjob. But they learn, and also learn to love it. You can love that it pleases your man and makes him satisfied. You can love it because it embodies your submission to him. It is a way of showing him love, gratitude, respect, and submission. You show all of that through your body, on your knees, and that’s something you ought to love showing him and want to do.

      If you have never done that in 20 years of marriage, I’d suggest it’s time you start now. If your husband has told you to do it, and you refused, then certainly it is rebellion, since you need to do as he tells you. I would cease holding back this service to him, and let him know you are his completely. You will do as he desires. His guidance, if he chooses to provide it, will help you in learning.

      1. harrymetwho Avatar

        I think the issue here is how much a submissive wife wants to give her husband pleasure or arousal in a selfless way. When I first started having sex with my, now, wife of many years, she offered to fellate me. I declined because I wanted our sexual activity to be mutually beneficial and I could see nothing in it for her. Many years later when I took a leading role in our marriage, I expected to have her do this as a duty; not because I have become sexually demanding but because I wanted her to have this opportunity to demonstrate submission on her knees. The more that she offers me this pleasure the more that I have noticed that she becomes aroused by the act. With regard to Wondering’s issues, she should be aware that she is in a position (on her knees) to give extraordinary pleasure to her husband and that if he does not demand it, this does not mean that he does not want it. She might consider what it is that makes her averse to giving this joy. If it is kneeling before her husband, clearly she is not submissive and is not suited to a DD life. If it is a hygiene issue she might start by kneeling and using her hands after her man has showered. If she is truly averse to receiving his organ in her mouth she might, kneel, use her hands and lick the tip. From this point, if she is a giving and caring wife, surely, with time and guidance she will be able to give satisfaction. I frequently direct my wife to take me in her mouth if she has become too aroused during foreplay; it allows her to calm down a little, so that the proceedings might last longer.

        1. Thank you. Those are good observations about how kneeling and pleasuring a man works for a woman. It definitely focuses her on her submission, and she can learn to draw great pleasure from doing it. There are solutions to any obstacle a woman might feel towards the act.

          I’d have to add that submission is in a woman’s nature, and is nothing less than her role in marriage. It is not merely a personal preference of some. It is the natural order of marriage for the wife to submit, although some find they enjoy it more than others, and some struggle, more or less, to learn to submit well.

      2. Wondering Avatar

        I forgot to say “thank you” for your comments… both of you who gave input on my situation. I have considered what you both said, and I’m going to talk to my husband about it and see what he says. Like I said, he’s never made a big deal about it. But I will ask him how important it is to him. But, knowing him, which I do, I know he wouldn’t want me to unless I wanted to. He’s not “pushy” like that, which makes me feel even worse because that means it’s up to me to decide about it and if I was being selfish, I could just never bring it up. But I really don’t want to be. I really do love him. And you’re right. He married me and I’m the only one who COULD do that for him. Ugh. Anyways, I will try to work on it. Thanks again for your help and suggestions.

        1. I’m very glad our comments have give you inspiration to do that. That’s wonderful. Please let us know how it goes. From what you describe your husband sounds very considerate. One reason I encourage men to have their wives give oral is not only because the men might greatly desire it, but because it can help unlock a woman’s potential, when it comes to both her giving and her submission. Then that becomes a great asset to both of them. Have courage. I hope it goes well.

      3. Deserving Avatar

        Dear Wondering,

        I can see this post was from a while ago so you may not see it. But since this website is fairly new to me, I am finding solace in reading about marriages like mine so I thought I’d respond anyways.

        You seem like your marriage is good. It seems like by your comments and questions that you come from a good place. I wanted to speak from my experience since I have been married about 20 years as well.

        For me, performing oral sex on my husband was difficult for the first few years. I felt similarly to you. He has always required it after my spankings, and I was also in oral training for almost all of the first year to enhance my submission and become better at serving him. He was patient and provided clear instructions, but I had to work hard mentally to accept his penis in my mouth.

        To some in this lifestyle, that might seem disrespectful, to learn to “accept” that since it is his right as my husband to expect it and he was so very deserving of this special service. Most would agree that it is not for the woman to feel that way. But, I was nervous and had a hard time with gagging etc. I thought I might offer some insight that my husband came up with to lead me.

        He never punished me for not performing well, and encouraged me for trying. He complimented me on the little things. Through trial and error, he came up with things for my training besides spankings that helped.

        At first, it was simpler things like kneeling before him nude for a certain amount of minutes and gazing at his penis for a certain amount of time. He also had me practice being close to it with my mouth open. Sometimes he would be erect and sometimes not. He also had me hold it. Holding it in my hand helped me feel how amazing he was as a leader. He would add things like kissing his penis, sometimes a few times, leaning against it with my face, a few licks without holding it in my mouth etc. I worked up to holding it in my mouth for a few seconds. We went from there but eventually I got the hang of it and grew to love it.

        I am proud of myself for finding the joy in it. I have needed oral training here and there over the years, but very few and far between since the beginning. Lately, my husband has felt I needed to grow in my submission so I have been required to initiate a blowjob. It is an on going thing and I have a long way to go, but he has instructed me well and is proud of me.

        Back then My husband would remind me that I was made by God to be his helper, just as God did with Eve for Adam. Womens bodies were specifically and lovingly created to be the helper for man, and we are naturally designed to receive their penis- which includes not only the vagina, but the mouth.

        The other thing I would suggest is further discipline for your growth. I don’t love spankings, but I know their value and feel their worth. We are not allowed to refuse sex and a mental block is not an excuse. As I stated earlier, my husband never punished me for poor performance, but he did discipline me for refusal of sex. The mental issues can be difficult, but defer to your husband and show him you know your place. A blowjob is a natural act for your marriage and he should expect it and do what he needs to require you to do it.

        I pray you you find the joy in serving your husband. Blowjobs are a vital part of marriage and I know your husband needs them. It’s never too late to grow in your submission. Take good care

  6. Wondering Avatar

    I read your reply. And honestly, it makes me want to cry. It just makes me SAD because it’s not like it is something I’m just saying “no, I don’t want to” do. It’s really something I feel like I CAN’T do. A mental block or something where I literally feel like it’s impossible to do. And, as far as rebellion? He’s never TOLD me to do anything. In 20 years, he’s asked if I would maybe a handful of times and I’m pretty sure he knows it’s because if I thought I could, I would. It’s not like I’m purposely trying to hold anything back from him or control him at all.
    In the first place, the thought of that is infuriating to me that women do that to their husbands as a way of control. And in the second place, I would do whatever was possible to please him.

    1. Hello Wondering, Thanks for your reply and explaining yourself further. If it’s not very important to your husband, and he does not demand it, then certainly there is no rebellion in not doing it. However, I think you can see the good and satisfaction in pleasing your husband. You can sense that it is fulfilling to please him.

      Whatever mental block is there, I trust you can overcome, but it takes facing up to fears, and just doing it. The man’s guidance and encouragement can help a lot, if it is of the right kind. A man can put some of those fears to rest, and give you the strength to overcome that obstacle. That’s especially when you know that he wants it and you are doing it just for him. It is a way you give yourself to him, and a way that he takes you.

      I know it is not impossible for you. I see great joy and closeness for you in it.

  7. I’m a Christian girl/wife. I’m sorta liberal in my views. I just came across this site. I’ve read a tons of articles here, and I thought they were very interesting. While I don’t agree with some stuff here 100%, I do feel like I can incorporate some elements of DD in my married life.

    To be completely honest with you, I’m not too keen on the traditional gender roles. I have a successful career working in the IT field. I love my job, and I think my talents are better utilized as a working wife than a homemaker. I bring home good income, and my husband seems to be content with that. My husband wants me to be happy doing what I love, and he is happy that I’m not completely dependent on him and can assist him in times of need. For example, he lost his job last year and he felt relieved that I was still working so we could still pay bills and have financial security. Also I’m horrible at household chores lol I can’t cook to save my life but I do want to learn though.

    As for the husband being the head of household, I’m not sure. I’m naturally agreeable so I don’t mind my husband taking a more leadership role but I don’t think this should be imposed on every couple. The dynamics in every marriage are different.

    I admit that I can be disrespectful to my husband at times and I should be held accountable for my actions. I would much rather taking a spanking from him than having a long argument that takes days to resolve. I often fantasize about being spanked OTK for being disrespectful and mean to my hubby lol I think it would be cute if he could punish me like that, and that would improve my behavior in a long run.

    I’m glad this lifestyle works for some people. I think there is nothing wrong with it as long as it’s consensual. I hope my comment doesn’t upset anyone 🙂

    1. Hello Leah, Thank you for visiting my website and taking the time to read so many articles. I’m very honored. I know there are people who appreciate headship and discipline in marriage, including liberals, and non-believers. There are many universals in gender roles and discipline that cross belief system, religion, and culture. They simply resonate with our souls as human beings, and can function successful in nearly anyone’s life. I would encourage you to examine your faith however, if you are Christian and identify as what this culture calls liberal, since many of those things are in direct conflict with the Word of God and go against the Christian religion.

      Definitely have a talk with your husband soon about the usefulness of spanking, and why you think it can help you. Ask him about taking on a leadership role. Many husbands are at least willing to consider it, and I’ve heard from a few who began spanking right away when they learned of the practice. I don’t think you’ll be disappointed with what a good otk spanking does for you, but I also believe it won’t be quite what you expect, and it takes experiencing it to truly understand how your heart will respond. If done right, it really does hurt, and it really does touch the soul.

      It is virtually impossible to separate authority from discipline. I know there are some people who try to do so, and some couples that do it both ways, but the only consistent, solid way to do it is with the man’s true leadership. It sounds like you would like your husband more in charge, but perhaps you are not yet seeing fully what authority is. Having rules and discipline in your marriage is really inseparable from your husband setting those rules, and then enforcing them. If he’s the one to set the rules, and tell you what you need to do, then essentially he is in command. It can’t be usefully done when he’s only somewhat in command. Either he is the authority or he isn’t.

      There is a natural need to be cleansed when we do something wrong. You understand it would be helpful to be spanked if you are rude to your husband, and you know how it could put the problem behind you. That is a big part of what spanking does. It really does deal with a problem much faster than other methods, and it can clean the conscience when you know you are guilty. It also lets you know clearly who is in charge, and that is your husband. It helps you then respond by knowing who is soft and submissive, which is you. It establishes that marriage order very well.

      Headship and discipline do not absolutely require the wife being home full time. Regardless of this, it is the right thing to do. There may be aspects of the roles as homemaker you are unfamiliar with, but you learn over time to do them. My wife knew very little cooking when we got married, and now she makes fantastic dishes from all over the world, makes desserts, and wonderful bread as well. She is an amazing cook, and has also learned the other responsibilities involved in caring for the home and children. Among all those duties, caring for the children is the most important, and often the most satisfying for a mother. I would not consider turning my children over to the state secular system for a million dollars, considering the horrible things they do to children. There is no salary in the world which can replace the value of wife, mother, and homemaker. It seems to some people very difficult or impossible to get by one one income in today’s economic realities, but this is usually a false idea. Millions of families still get by on one income today, though often it requires taking a step down in living standards. Please give it some more consideration, and especially weigh the value, as well as the satisfaction, in caring for home and children full time.

      I’d be interested in hearing about how you introduce the idea to your husband is, as well as how you both find the experience if you begin. It takes time, learning, and some adjustments. I have spoken with other couples who began spanking in their marriage, and nearly all saw good results begin quickly. If either one of you wish to discuss it, you are free to write me at my e-mail below and on the About page.

      Take care.

    2. wiola Avatar

      Hello Lea. You don’t have to quit your job if you don’t want to. DD is not a prison. I’m in a relationship too dd and work too. Not in a super important job, but I also work and my husband is happy with it too. Sam says the wife should go out to people. He lives in a normal marriage but with spanking in the background. If I have no respect for my husband, lie to him, or do something stupid, I get spanked for it. You can live a completely normal life and fulfill yourself professionally. In my marriage, my husband helps me a lot at home, but I know that he has the power and can punish me.

  8. I think anal sex and oral sex fall under the definition of sodomy. I’d be curious how you differentiate the two in your mind. The anus is not intended for intercourse. You mention elsewhere that anal is dirty and a right thinking man wouldn’t want feces in his bed. The mouth is also not intended for intercourse. It is an entrance for sustenance. Throat cancers are an unfortunate consequence of ignoring Gods design in this arena.
    I don’t believe that women in biblical times were engaged in this practice. Mainly due to hygienic reasons as they were animal herders etc.
    There are many biblical laws about cleanliness in what you eat and drink. How is it possible the creator wants his daughters licking dust and urine off the penis of their husband at night. (Remember this is the normal state of man kind not perfectly clean)
    I know that today we are fastidiously clean but think of the design as a whole. Search your heart and ask God if you are serving Gods plan for his creation or if you are serving the male desire for sodomy of this kind.

    1. Dear MPR, How does one distinguish between anal and oral sex, as far as their harm, or their wrongness? Some people do not. I do. Most obvious is the fact that anal sex is grossly against nature, and uses the backside not only for what it’s not meant to be used, but for nearly the opposite of it. Because it is being misused, pain, disease, and injury are nearly commonplace. Oral sex rightly and naturally uses the mouth. If it is done to completion, as many do, it clearly does not fulfill the full purposes of sex, and in that sense is unnatural, but does not go against the body’s design in a way that causes harm, as is true with anal sex.

      The term sodomy, like many words, has narrower and broader meanings. The proper meaning from the Bible is same-sex relations, but it can also refer to very sinful populations, which are compared to Sodom in Scripture. Colloquially, it is used to describe marital sex acts which are not procreative (such as oral and anal), and at times only refers to anal sex. When I use the term, I most often use it to mean the first definition; that is homosexual behavior. Other times I use it to mean anal sex only.

      I do not see any meaningful comparison between the harm caused by anal intercourse and the harm caused by oral. The dangers of oral seem quite minimal by comparison. So as a part of the broader marital relations, and marital intimacy, I see it has a good and natural place, and helps bond man and wife together. In the context of the marriage order, it is also a great expression of a woman’s submission and service to her husband. It helps teach her about submission, and manifests it to her husband.

      You act like there is something wrong in the fact that the man is fulfilling his desire, but that is a good thing, since it is natural for him to desire his wife, and it’s good that he enjoys her sexually. He has every right to. This act is also fulfilling to a woman, as she can derive pleasure from pleasing her man, and is excited by the chance to show her submission. Practicing oral also goes both ways, as men also pleasure their wives, and bring them to peaks of satisfaction. So the experience is not uniquely carved out for men.

      I would agree that it was likely rare to practice oral in biblical times, although I haven’t seen any studies that would prove that. However, the rarity of the act does not show it to be wrong, but only to be rare. Hygiene back then would generally have been poor, and you can rest assured that most sex didn’t involve much pleasure for the woman either, if any at all. Much of the unpleasantness can be eradicated with decent hygiene. Good hygiene also makes it considerably safer. I don’t see how Torah laws regarding cleanness come into play, as they never mention this practice, and are not mandates in the New Covenant. Much of ritual is fully in the past, or up to man’s conscience today, just as dietary laws and celebration of days. This is quite clear in the New Testament teachings.

      Oral brings much bonding and pleasure between man and wife. Both giver and receiver can deeply enjoy it. I see it as an asset in the full context of married life. I don’t see a meaningful comparison to anal, other that the fact that neither one, if done to completion, fulfill the complete purpose of sex. In regards to the biology of it, oral is much safer, and rightly uses the mouth.

      I hope that makes the distinctions clear. Thank you.

  9. Wondering Avatar

    Okay. I thought I would leave one last comment on this thread so here is an update:
    Remember, I had never done anything “orally” before I read it. I tried when my husband mentioned it, but never was able to. Like came close but… nope. I couldn’t. Anyways, he came home early from work today and I had never knelt in front of him. I kinda wanted to see what he would say. We were in the bedroom and had been talking on the bed. I slid down to the floor as he stood up. I knelt down there and … well got farther “orally” than I ever have. Still not 100% what people “do.” But a lot farther than before. He seemed to like it, and whenever I tried to stop, he grabbed a metal hanger off the dresser. (I had been hanging up clothes in the closet when he came in.) Anyways, he spanked me whenever I tried to move away. It HURT. Oh my word. But it was…effective in keeping me there. Haha anyways… just wanted you to know we are still working on it.

    1. Congratulations on breaking through that barrier and working hard to please your husband. I know he will be happy with what you do.

    2. talltaurus Avatar

      Thanks for an update, wondering. I think that’s good progress in learning how to pleasure your man orally. I also combined discipline with oral training of my wife. Listen to your husbands instruction and focus on taking him deep. Taking him to completion and swallowing will be the ultimate goal. A red bottom will also help you try harder, as it sounds like you really want to please your man and make up for lost time in performing your wifely duties.

  10. Zachary Avatar

    Your first paragraph described me exactly. I’m not religious, but my understanding of gender roles begins with how men and women are built for sex.

    Some have theorized that a rise in BDSM and kink is an attempt to further express those polarities in the safety and privacy of the bedroom—separate from the more egalitarian expectations of modern society. Look how difficult it is to find a female domme (at least, one that’s not a paid sex worker) and you’ll begin to understand how much women are seeking opportunities for feminine submission.

    1. Thanks for your comment, Zachary. I agree the rise of bdsm subculture is related to the need to connect with headship and submission in our natures. Those aspects are universal. Our minds, bodies, and spirits know egalitarianism has no accord with our natures, and does not fully satisfy us.

      Unfortunately, bdsm is not founded clearly in the truth either, and ends up as a form of theater. It veers into various extremes as well. The right relationship is rooted in God’s truth, in marriage, and in the real authority a man has in marriage. Discipline is a useful tool when it falls within that framework. Merely playing master and servant is a game.

  11. Many women are trained to be “good girls” who don’t acknowledge, want, or experience full sexual pleasure. We aren’t supposed to feel sexual in our bodies or want it until we are married and even then it can be considered to be “not what good girls do”:
    To really want it, acknowledge we need it, and really fully let go during sex.

    What you describe sounds like full body sexual release and pleasure for the woman as something she should be experiencing and that the man should be making certain that she gets regularly. I totally agree with this. This will make her feel like she is a complete woman and anything less really will cause resentment which seeps out in other ways. Complete sexual satisfaction will reduce martial discord, no doubt about it. It will keep man and woman in a good place. As one of these women trained to be “good girls”, as I read this, I had a thought that takes this concept a bit further. It would have helped me so much if this had happened to me, maybe it can help someone else now. I hope it is not offensive or controversial. Both men and women are victims of this indoctrination and both can help to set her free.

    At least in my case, to get me to be fully released to my husband and abandon all my hang ups, it would have been good for me to have had this behavior observed, and called out on it. That I was still holding back so I would still be thought of as a “good girl”. That I wasn’t fully into my role as the sexual partner I am supposed to be. I would be rigid and hold back. I would have benefited from being advised that I was withholding not just my own pleasure but holding a part of myself back from him which is a wrongful act against the marriage. And that if I didn’t fully let myself go, and let him see and experience that part of me, that I would have to get my bottom spanked as punishment and as a tool to help me, because I was being a bad girl, not a good one anymore. I would have needed to be told this or asked if I needed this during my more rigid times during sex. Told kindly, but decidedly firmly and with authority. Just being warned and then later reminded of it during sex would unlock more closed off doors. Then to have it enforced right then and there when it’s not stopping. That he can put an abrupt, shocking end to the intercourse or other sexual activity to putting me in the humiliating bottoms up position for a firm spanking under his hand until I beg and cry for another chance to show him I will let go. During the spanking itself I would be processing how it would have been better and preferable to let go for him. I would realize that he can stop and reorganize the situation immediately as the man, and in an instant make me accountable. That he can see through me. His hand that would bring me release and pleasure but if I don’t open up to him and let go, the hand becomes the instrument of chastisement on my poor sore bottom as I am feeling the consequences there gasping and regretting holding back from him as the good sexual feelings turn to “ouch” on my vulnerable bare bottom. The feeling of being out of control, the feeling of being in his control, the feeling of hotness then into pain on my buttocks. The squirming and wishing my bottom is not being struck because he is displeased with my lack of sexual fullness to him. My brain going through the shock of the sudden transition and feeling the connection between my bared bottom he controls to the sexual feelings he wants to release in me. I would be talked to during the administration of the strikes to my buttocks to help me realize what I must change. To enforce a real intimacy since there’s no way out. As the pain is repeatedly emphasized I am being convinced at every level of my being. The spanking itself may need to be broken up by attempts to penetrate or touch sexually stimulating parts to gauge my progress. How this would have broken so many barriers of deliberate walls and resentment in me. It would have unlocked me. Given me the permission I needed to fully be his instrument of sexual pleasure and receive what he was giving me.

    In other ways at other times and because it’s all connected, I would have benefited from being turned over to a submissive position against my wishes and my bottom feel the punishment for this withholding behavior. Just to know it’s not limited to the bedroom. If I had been asked if I needed my bottom spanked to really let go sexually with him, I would have not said yes. I am so ashamed to say I would have lied and said no. I would not have had the courage to admit it. I would have tried to get out of it with more lies. It would have taken a mature, knowing man to see through it. But I did in fact need it; and oh so badly. Nothing else would have worked. I was holding onto this “good girl” indoctrination.

    I needed my panties pulled down sometimes, bent over unexpectedly and rather forcefully as I “object” it’s not the right time and just be claimed and taken hard and penetrated by him. I also needed them taken down sometimes unexpectedly and rather forcefully given a wake up call bared bottom chastisement as I drift away from having him be my focus. Or even better, first a fast, unexpected “who’s in charge” butt baring and spanked, followed by an aggressive taking for his pleasure. I needed to learn how to let myself give fully and I needed it enforced by being spanked to tears. And I needed reminders during poor performances when I wasn’t all there, partly servicing him but not us, that we might need to stop to take care of getting my bottom spanked properly if I’m not letting myself go. The intimacy of being penetrated sexually and with his eyes looking into mine and probing to see if I am giving fully of myself, along with the knowledge that I cannot keep any doors closed to him or he will immediately stop to become the enforcer to give me a full on, stern bottom spanking is enough security to send me beyond and back, all doors and inhibitions unlocked and I would fully give all.

    If a man is not getting the woman to multiple episodes of climaxes at least during some sessions, or he never sees her really let go with full body abandon and satisfaction, consider that she may still be locked up from this “good girls don’t” indoctrination and look her in the eyes as you ask her if she needs a spanking to help her let go. She may say no but her eyes may tell you yes. You may release her true self from her cage and she will be a better life mate as she is fully satisfied. I know it’s true for me.

    1. Hello Tea, Thank you for your detailed and insightful comments. I think a lot of women struggle with letting go once they are married. It takes a change of attitude, since being a good girl before marriage is to be pure of sexual contact, and being a good girl in marriage is to give yourself sexually to your husband. I can see how a few slaps can make that easier. Simply feeling a husband’s power can quickly unlock a woman ,and help her let go. I know some couples also blend sex and a proper spanking. It really can take a man’s leading and power for a woman to learn to submit herself fully in bed.

    2. Often both men and women are told that it is not appropriate for a “good girl” to “let go” and that is strictly enforced. I didn’t realize until after marriage just how painful and uncomfortable it can be to not “let go”, and the time that you did, you shocked and scandalized your husband because that wasn’t “right” for a woman to respond in such a way — at least not a “good wife” — the porn stars provide that. 🙁 It’s not a pleasant way to live. I agree that it is a toxic attitude. Unfortunately, most conservative households strictly train their daughters to be “good” and the sons are taught also that “good” women never have pleasure in relations…

  12. When I was given into marriage then I knew I could never refuse sex from him. On one occasion I felt slightly unwell but he continued anyway and I learnt my lesson from that. That also made me never want to refuse him again. He is the Head and he has control of my body. It is my gift to him

    1. Thank you for your comment, Anne. It is right that you never refuse your husband sex. That’s just the nature of marriage. My wife would never consider telling me no. She will ask occasionally if she is very exhausted, and if I think it’s a decent reason I will let it go until the next day.

  13. lesleyderby Avatar

    My husband has always insisted that proper positioning during sex is very important and to be maintained to a high standard since we entered into our marriage.

    If my husband requires sex at bedtime he will give the command Presentation position, I have to go to the bedroom get undressed, carry out any ablusions and then get into position on the bed.

    The Presentation Position requires me to kneel on the bed , knees apart, front of thighs at 90° to the bed with my head and breasts on the bed, arms forward, back arched down and bottom pushed up high. I am required to wait in this position until he comes upstairs to bed and he will require me to maintain the position throughout. If I don’t maintain position he will insist I get back into the correct position before continuing.

    He is very insistent that my anus is well presented and on full display during sex and that this is my main focus, hence why he calls the position Presentation.

    How common is this in a domestic discipline marriage and do others have to adopt proper positioning before and during sex?

    1. Thank you for explaining how your husband trains you through sex. I believe many couples do have a focus on positioning for sex. As far as I go, I am fairly informal and spontaneous when it comes to how we make love. However, if I am using sex specifically for training, or having her serve me after she is spanked, I am more particular about how she needs to position herself. She will have to respond immediately to how I tell her to move her body, and what I tell her to do. When we make love I don’t mind having more of a give and take between us. Either way, sex communicates much when it comes to authority and submission.

  14. Deserving Avatar

    Thank you so much for your comments about not agreeing with disciplining wives for what a husband might see as a poor performance in bed. There is so much to learn at the beginning of CDD marriage, especially for a wife.

    As a wife, I agree with everything you say about the importance of sex as dominance in marriage. As you pointed out in the article, sex as training tool is beyond others in establishing the order for man and wife. After years of marriage, I not only see why sex is vital, but am grateful for the sexual and oral training my husband provided for me.

    I am curious, in your own experience and expertise, how do you combat a wife not being fully aroused or who’s body is not ready for penetration at the same time as their husband? You’ve mentioned a couple times that your wife has never balked at what you’ve commanded sexually, but the fact of the matter is, women’s bodies aren’t always aroused as quickly as their husband. Although very connected to their bodies, it takes time to become aroused. This is something that I experienced more at the beginning of marriage when the establishment of leadership by my husband as head of our household was in full bloom.

    I think it’s an important topic- especially for young wives. I think there may be husbands out there that think the mere act of commanding their wives to perform will do it.

    My husband doesn’t believe artificial lubrication is proper. But without getting too graphic, it can hurt. With the importance of frequent sex, do you believe husbands can help their wife’s arousal by performing oral? Does this take away from the proper roles in marriage? I think there may be husbands who would refuse because it might undermine his dominance.

    From the bottom of my heart- I am asking sincerely. I am delighted to serve my husband and take his pleasure very seriously.

    1. Hello Deserving, Thank you for your comment. I am very glad you appreciate the article on sex as dominance. Sex is one of a handful of things right at the heart of marriage.

      As far as your question, if my wife is not ready physically for penetration, I will do something to arouse her. I please her with my mouth regularly (oral sex), as well as with my hands. However, if she is not fully aroused, and I am ready to begin, I will simply enter her slowly and carefully. It will hurt a little at the start, but once I am inside, she quickly is ready for penetration, as the penetration itself got her that way.

      I consider a wife’s pleasure during sex to be a responsibility of the husband. It is normal to occur in sex, and ought to occur. No husband should neglect it. The exception would be if I am having her serve me, as a matter of training, in which case she alone pleasures me. However, considering that she enjoys serving me sexually, there is satisfaction for her, of a different variety.

      I hope that fully answers your question. It is wonderful that you love to serve your husband, and delight in bringing him pleasure.

      Bless you and your family.

      1. Deserving Avatar

        It absolutely answers my question. It is a relief to hear you say that the arousal of wives is the husbands responsibility. I am keenly aware of my submissive role and try to never disrespect that by expecting something. I truly wish to grow in my submisssion every day and respect my husband. It happens almost never now- (more so on occasion at the beginning of marriage) but I just needed to hear that there was nothing wrong to want oral from him so that I may receive his penetration more easily. I am blessed to have a husband to show me the way sexually and who wants me to receive pleasure.

        I can honestly say that pleasuring my husband is one life’s greatest joys for me.

        sometimes hearing some affirmations from other like minded marriages helps when we live in such an unaccepting world. Thank you!

        1. It’s my pleasure. I’m very happy to be able to offer you encouragement.

      2. Science teacher Avatar
        Science teacher

        My husband never forbade the use of outside lubrication but he did seem reluctant/disappointed to use it. He believed that how naturally lubed things were was a sign of my arousal and that if only he could get me sufficiently aroused, I shouldn’t need anything else.
        Unfortunately that assumes things always work a certain way. Time of month, a woman’s age, and all sorts of hormone balance things affect how well the arousal/lubrication dynamic actually works. Maybe humbly submit to your husband some science/health articles showing and explaining that natural lubrication is not always a given, so he can understand the legitimate need for it when you’re not making enough of your own? If he still wants things as they are, so be it, but I’d hate for it to be based on a misunderstanding of your body’s sexual response.

    2. Beautiful article Aron. I do not deny my husband his due to my body. We have a very healthy lovemaking life. He is also very respectful of me and will not ask for sex when I have a migraine for example. He is an excellent lover and I consider myself blessed. We never fornicated before marriage and we were able to grow in this way together.

      We do refrain from all sexual activity during the post partum period for forty days after I birthed a son, eighty days after a daughter. We do not have sex, we do not manually or orally pleasure each other at all. He does not touch himself during those times of abstinence either. Our third child was conceived on that eightieth day after our second daughter was born. The only time the Lord blessed us with two children in less than a year’s time.

      1. I’m glad you appreciate the article, Darcy. Thank you. Fasting from sex for a period of time can be very good, and can be used for spiritual purposes, and to develop self control. At some points it’s necessary in any marriage. God has blessed you both very much.

  15. Steffan Avatar


    “A man taking his woman from behind, also shows his dominance. Here she is in the ultimate submissive position — on her knees — and humbled having her bottom in the air. Any illusions of being in control evaporate for the dame, as her man bends her over and takes her. She cannot see him, but he sees her, and takes what he wants without her arms to get in the way, or even to reciprocate. Her shoulders to the ground, and her face in the bed, she is ultimately abased. Even a woman who loves getting taken this way knows there is something humbling about being bent over, as it is a physical, erotic admission of defeat. She is the conquered one. A master riding his steed is the one in control. The steed is the one being ridden. Taking his wife on her knees places him in the easy position to slap her hard, and to hold the reins by holding her hair to control the ride. Perhaps no other position lets her know she is being taken by her master than being ridden from behind. He continuously sees the evidence of her surrender, in her upturned bottom, and available sex. With every thrust he reminds her she’s taken.”

    My wife required a considerable amount of time to adapt to being taken from behind. She found the experience overwhelming at first, especially because the down-on-all-fours posture required her to be totally submissive.

    In a situation like this, it’s important for a husband to remember that men and women experience sexual arousal at different rates of speed and intensity. He needs to show patience, care and consideration while she catches up with his level of excitement.

    To help her relax and become stimulated, I performed oral on her from the rear. I then placed a pillow beneath her pelvis for increased elevation of her backside. This facilitated deeper, more satisfying penetration – for both of us – when I entered her.

  16. The Man in Charge Avatar
    The Man in Charge

    The sex act shows better than anything else who is in charge in a marriage, except maybe a spanking. Even when I’m giving my wife pleasure, she is offering her body up to me. She knows she is mine, and I have claimed every inch of her. Penetrating her body forces her to accept this and reminds her where she belongs. I believe God meant for it to be that way. I use it as a chance to train my wife. If she’s still red from a spanking, I like to have her from behind so I can see it. I remind her who owns that bottom. A wife’s disobedience is offensive, but seeing her red bottom after she’s been disciplined is gratifying to a man. Her stripes are beautiful to me, and if she hasn’t been spanked in awhile, I’ll give her a few good smacks until she’s nice and pink. I know my wife fears a real spanking, but she loves the idea of it. She loves it when I slap her bottom in bed and make her get down on all fours and display it for me. There’s satisfaction and pleasure for a man in spanking his wife, and I like for her to have a chance to have some pleasure in it, too, even if it’s just for play. Sex is violent, and it’s telling that women enjoy it most when it’s hard and rough. It’s an excellent way to train your woman. Unlike with a spanking, she really gets to enjoy being dominated. One thing I would add to the suggestions above is teasing a woman. I like to bring my wife to the edge of an orgasm, but not letting her have it until she begs me or performs for me or takes me in her throat. A naked wife begging her husband for pleasure is a beautiful thing. As a man, you should never deny your wife in the marriage bed, but you can make her wait. All sex acts are designed by God to show your dominance over your woman, and she is designed to respond joyfully to the needs of her man. As the head of our homes, we deserve this service from our wives.

  17. valentin Avatar

    Hello Aron.
    I’ve been reading your articles because i’ve been looking around for some advice.
    My wife, Jenna, and I have been together for a long time and we just recently (3 months ago) had our first baby. My wife has always been an absolute angel. Super respectful, kind, and listened well. She submitted to me in all ways and would take her punishments accordingly without any fits. Since having our first baby she has started acting out. disrespecting me, not listening to me, arguing with me, telling me “no”, You get it.. No matter how much I scold her, No matter how many times I take her over my knee… I feel like nothing is really sending a message? She continues to be disrespectful and bad mouth me. It seems like she thinks she’s in charge. What is there I can do to really remind her who’s in charge? Is there a different type of punishment I should try? Maybe switch instruments? (I spank her with my bare hand, her hair brush or with my belt.) What can i do differently?
    Thank you.

    1. Hello Valentin, Congratulations on your new baby. I am sorry you have started to have problems with your wife. I really don’t know the entire situation, but I would in part look for what might be causing it. There might be factors you don’t know about. Talk to her about her change in attitude, and remind her how good she had been before then. Some women have serious hormonal changes after a pregnancy, so she could have tumultuous inner feelings as a result. Not that that’s an excuse for her behavior, but it gives you an idea what is going on, as other insight might.

      As far as punishment, you can certainly vary your discipline to be more severe, and make punishment very undesirable for her. Spanking longer, harder, or with a more severe instrument could make her want to stay out of trouble. However, if you have already been spanking her, I suspect there is something else which is lacking, but I really can’t tell you what it is. Some husbands use a longer training session if their wives have trouble adapting to submission, or if they begin to slip for some reason. Regular training in submission, which would include her serving you on command, as well as being spanked when you desire, can get some women past their inner resistance. You might plan out a training time, and orient it around what you think would help her learn.

      There are also situations in which women have learned to feign submission, through practicing mere obedience. They have never really learned submission at heart. They have never really respected their husbands. If that is the case, it is easy for them at some point to just drop the act. Submission is a heart attitude, as is love. If she truly is lacking in that heart attitude, the place to start is really at the beginning, naturally in instructing her, spiritually and practically, in what submission really means. It has to be more than an act.

      Feel free to contact me at my e-mail. I would be willing to offer your wife some guidance if you’d have her write me.

      P.S. I have to add, it’s safest to avoid any serious punishment if it’s soon after delivery of a baby. I’d do some research and use your common sense in deciding how much of a wait to give discipline to make sure she is recovered.

    2. Hi- my wife and I are going through almost an identical situation! I have encouraged her to reach out. It’s been frustrating beyond belief.

    3. Mr. FS Avatar


      I’d echo everything Aron said (he has great points on some possible factors to consider) as well as Deserving above. Your wife’s mouth should be used to uplift you and give you joy, not disrespect your leadership. Replacing the sinful use of her mouth with service to you, on her knees, is an excellent way to teach this valuable lesson.

      Morning Maintenance spankings followed by daily oral service to you on her knees during which you verbally lecture her is likely needed. This will be tiring for you, take additional time, and requires diligence from you to continue it, possibly for weeks, until she finally fully submits and controls her mouth & spirit. However, the blessings that will follow from your leadership will last much longer!

      As well, your wife serving you on her knees is an additional habit to teach – after she has learned to control her mouth – the spankings may lessen, but you should continue to require oral service on a weekly basis – she should want to enthusiastically give you a blowjob and swallow at the end to show total submission and let you know her mouth is only being used for righteousness.

      1. talltaurus Avatar

        This is good advice. A bad attitude and disrespectful talking is best dealt with by requiring frequent oral. Once she’s in position on her knees, I ask if she knows what she needs to do now. She says yes sir I understand and gets to work under my instruction. Swallowing is a must but can be worked up to. I think most wives on the site can agree it humbles them.

        1. Thank you for your comment Talltaurus, Giving head is humbling for a woman, especially after being spanked, or otherwise corrected. It helps her greatly in submitting, and as you point out, in learning how to use her mouth. A wife should know her mouth is used for honoring her man, and pleasuring him.

  18. Deserving Avatar

    Hello Valentin

    I wanted to offer a suggestion from a wife’s perspective.

    Besides having faith and being patient, I would suggest sexual training. You know your wife and marriage best, but sexual training worked for me in many ways.

    After 20 years plus of marriage, I can honestly say that my husbands periodic sexual training helped me be a better wife and helped me submit fully. Those times were hard at first, but I have grown to understand their value.

    My husband would require frequent blowjobs and sex on all fours during these training times. He would explain to me that by being on my knees and servicing him in that position was a reminder of his authority over me and that I belonged to him. Being on my knees was extremely humbling. It was frequent so I was constantly reminded of my submission. I didn’t always like it, but as I look back I understand why it was important.

    These times of my husband showing his dominance over my body softened me in the moments of the act because it is such a beautiful part of marriage, but being pushed into that state through sexual training was his way of solidifying my submission.

    Take your wife frequently, especially with blowjobs. My husband requires a blowjob after my spankings. If you aren’t using this practice, I highly recommend it. It has been one of the best training tools for me and I can honestly say I look forward to them now as much as much as a regular blowjob.

    Having a baby does so much to a woman’s body and it sounds like you have a great marriage. If she was submitting fully before the baby, she will again with your guidance and leadership.

    Try praying with her too. Pray for her submission. Pray for her to understand that she belongs to you. Have her say it out loud. Praying together has helped my marriage so much.

    1. talltaurus Avatar

      I would agree with this comment. My wife became much more meek and submissive in attitude when I introduced her to oral training over our 1st year of marriage. The first step of learning to swallow then deepthroating is something she learned to enjoy. The first few times during I re-emphasized this was something she would be doing often. I also had her schedule giving me a blowjob 3 times a week and also after discipline

  19. elizaishis Avatar

    As I was 18 and a virgen when we got married it was up to my husband to provide my sexual training. He made his needs, wants and commands perfectly clear to me. He always let me know he was in Control and from our first time on he always showed his dominance over me. 22 years later I still honor and obey him especially In The marriage bed.

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