What a Woman Should Affirm During Discipline

I’ve written several times specifically on the need for a husband to lecture his wife, and the importance of her hearing his words of guidance and correction. The importance of verbal communication cannot be overstated. It should be clear and firm, and touch on the main points she needs to learn. On her part, while much of her session is spent listening, and enduring the sting of the strap, it should also be spent in responding verbally in the right way to her man. The lessons a man goes over with her are the ones she needs to affirm, along with her own personal regret.

Regardless of the specific cause of punishment, a punishment spanking ought to inspire verbal affirmations from a wife in these areas. She needs to express that she knows what she did wrong and why she is being punished. She accepts responsibility. She should communicate her own sorrow for her wrong, and her knowledge that it is wrong. Some women find they are sorrowful the moment they are confronted with their wrong. Others can’t muster up so much sorrow on a word, but after finding themselves lectured and whipped, they are very sorry they chose the course of action they did. A wife should communicate what her attitude and behavior should be daily. In any punishment regardless the cause, she should express her state of submission to her husband. This includes that she belongs to him, she serves him, and she obeys him. She needs to communicate, with specific language, how she will behave in the future, and let her husband know she will work hard and do her best to make sure this happens.

Some husbands will likely expand to a few other points. It is also natural to add the details and specifics to them that relate to her offense, or that relate to how things work in your home. I frequently ask my wife as I lecture her — what is your position before your man? She answers — on my knees, sir. Others will expect her to show her gratitude and thanks for being corrected, with a good — thank you for taking the time to correct me, sir. A diligent husband will also naturally know his wife well, and be able to give her helpful ways to stay out of trouble in the future, or to see where and how she went wrong. He can show her the moment she started showing attitude, that led to her getting out of hand. He can point out she made the choice to step over clear warnings, and previous instructions. The misdeed was not mysterious, but can be understood and avoided.

The spanking itself can be an aid, or even at times an obstacle to her verbal expression of submission. It may act as an aid in that the spanking helps her get her feelings out, whereas before she was colder and more detached. It spurs her on to proclaim how she will serve you, and can also entice her to do so, since she knows that without her words, the spanking will just continue. Her words help it to pass in time. They’re a necessary part of the process. If my wife doesn’t answer my questions as I strap her, she knows the stripes will come down several more times until she does. But a spanking can also make it difficult for some woman to speak. At times the overwhelming nature of being spanked and humbled make it harder to speak, and feelings can be so abundant they don’t come easily with words. That’s one reason a man needs to guide her during the spanking, be calm with her, and be very clear. He can also give her chances to speak more easily, by spanking for a time, and then stopping briefly to lecture and make sure she answers his questions. As he finishes each main point with her, he continues her spanking until the next time, or until he is done.

Most importantly, and my main point here, is that she should be verbally engaged during at least part of the discipline. At other times you will be doing the talking and she will only listen. Usually in my house corner time involves no talking, or little of it. It is only for her to reflect and calm down. However, her own engagement helps her keep focused on her correction, and the reason she is undergoing the strap repeatedly. She is not just there to bear pain. It needs to touch her inside, and she needs to be working on the lesson. Those verbal affirmations help a woman learn, especially in the long term. Having her repeat them is not a bad idea either, as often repetition helps us to learn a lesson. Your words to your wife lead her and correct her. Her words to you show honor and express her submission.


29 responses to “What a Woman Should Affirm During Discipline”

  1. My sir makes me answer these questions while I’m kneeling down in front of him
    who are you? I’m a woman, your woman,sir
    What does this mean, woman? It means that I’m your helper, your subordinate,sir
    Who i am, woman ? My head, my sir, my master, my lord,sir
    What does this mean, woman? It means that you command and I obey, you order and I submit…..
    This kind of questions makes me feel humiliated but also very grateful and thankful
    I consider myself lucky having such a strict husband who know how to put me in my rightful position.

    1. It good to understand your role as a woman/helper/submissive. Always remember to never question your master/husband rules and kneel before him showing your obedience.

      1. Yes sir, this is what I’m trying to do , to go deeper in my submission

  2. Before my correction, I like to say my correction affirmation, but it’s not as important to my husband-yet. If he seems to want to move along through the process, I don’t say it, and we talk about what has happened and continue to my correction. My affirmation is like my daily prayer for submission and thank you affirmation, in that it is something I’ve memorized. It means a lot to me and helps me to focus on the what’s and why’s of the process. It includes the following:
    Submission to authority and leadership
    Recognition of My husband as the head of our home as Christ is the head of the Church
    Apology for my specific behavior and actions, why it’s wrong, and how it affects my relationships with my husband and God
    Declaration to do better and why I should
    Statement that I willingly submit to correction
    Afterward, I confirm my gratitude for his loving correction.
    I modify the affirmation to include the behavior I’ve exhibited which should be corrected, so that is different each time, but otherwise it’s the same and covers sentiments on my heart.

    1. Thank you. That’s a very clear and useful set of affirmations. They may vary a little from couple to couple, but those are all key points. I deeply respect how you seek to honor your husband, as well as learn from the corrections he gives you. The image that marriage is of Christ and the Church provides a great foundation to live as man and wife together. Your submission blesses your home greatly.

  3. Good article. While my wife is being strapped, she is lectured and asked questions. After each question, I will temporarily cease strapping her to let her speak and focus on my question. It is too overwhelming for her to answer while she is being strapped.
    Cornertime is a different story. I will also lecture her, but she is not allowed to speak when standing there. So the lecture does not involve questions, only reminders, explanations and warnings of an escalated punishment. My wife often cries when I make her stand in the corner, so I don’t push her to speak. Besides this is a time to feel shame, regret and to reflect and allow her to display her well spanked behind to me.

    1. alanrilley Avatar

      How long on corner time?

      1. Sorry, missed your question. So to answer a month later. Before her spanking it’s relatively short, only 20 minutes. After he spanking, for qn hour usually. You may think this is long but I feel she needs it and has earned it. Hope this helps.

  4. Dear Aronhusband,
    In your opinion, should a spanking include a spank on the vagina?
    In a previous relationship, my man would turn me over and spank my vagina too.
    Is this common practice?

    1. Hello Lucy, Thanks for your question, and for visiting my website. I don’t believe in spanking other parts of the body. A spanking should be given on the bare bottom. A few strokes can also be given on the spot just beneath the bottom if done carefully enough since it has less padding.

      The bottom is appropriate for many reasons, especially since it is softer and more padded than other parts of the body. Having to bare the bottom, and raise the bottom, also has a unique effect in humbling a woman, and making her feel under her husband’s command.

      The sexual organ is not a good place for punishment, and is especially sensitive, I would definitely stay away from that. I know such a practices exists in spanking marriages, but I don’t believe it is very common.

      This is a short article I wrote on the subject: https://spankingyourwife.wordpress.com/2020/05/10/that-really-hits-the-spot/

      I hope that answer helps you.

      1. Thank you aronhusband – that makes so much sense to me!

        1. It’s my pleasure. I’m glad you appreciate my response.

  5. Never knew that people like this exist

    1. People who use discipline in marriage exist by the many million. We are all over the globe. Wife spanking has been practiced for thousands of years in virtually every nation, culture, people group, and religion. The authority of the man is easily recognized in nature by human reason and conscience, and discipline has proven itself to be a helpful practice, including in many institutions outside of marriage.

      In the West most people who use discipline do so privately, but it’s easy to find learning material about it. In other cultures it is more commonly known and accepted today. The world could use a good amount more spanking in marriage. It would improve the attitude of wives, and would bring about happier and more fulfilling marriages. I would spend some time learning about it with an open mind.

    2. Yes we exist. I am a Submissive obedient woman. I believe in male domination and supremacy because it’s simply facts, and as a woman I should know my place and stay at home serving my family and obeying my head. I believe it’s the most valuable and suitable place for me as a woman and if I go out off the rail and rebel then there are a lot of tools out there which my sir uses to send me right back in my rightful place at hierarchy, which is of course under sir’s authority. I should be thankful and grateful for my sir for all the effort he puts into me to discipline me, turning my bottom sore and crimson red.

      My mom is also a well spanked woman, my stepfather is the strictest husband
      I’ve ever seen in my life and this is why my mom is the most obedient and submissive wife I’ve ever seen

      I have two brothers and three sisters, and three stepbrothers. Males were taught to be dominant leaders and we girls were raised to be obedient submissive followers. My mom taught us that we must respect all males, not just our husbands, and this what I and my sisters are trying to do every time, to show proper respect to the males, especially men of our family, husbands , brothers, stepbrothers, and stepfather. We are all well spanked women and we are very proud and thankful.

      Please respect us. We are free to live the way we want.

      [edited for grammar by Aron]

      1. Jacob Avatar

        Good girl Obeysubmit, your place as a woman is to serve and obey men. Sick and tired of seeing so much disrespect modern feminists do towards men but it nice to see a woman understand her role in life. Also glad to see your mother/sisters understand to obey men also.

      2. obeysubmit Avatar

        Thank you sir

      3. My husband doesn’t expect me to submit to men in general, only to him. He has pointed out several times that Paul says women are to submit to their OWN husbands, as to the Lord.

        Ephesian 5:22 “Wives, submit yourselves to your OWN husbands as you do to the Lord.”


      4. Obeysubmit you are only required to obey your husband who God had put him over you. But it’s also true that a Christian wife should be deferential to all adult men especially men who are head of households. Jane is required to a be respectful to all adult men and in fact had been punished somewhat recently for violating this rule. You have an excellent attitude and seem to have been very well trained well by your father

  6. Aron, my husband also believes in the power of a harsh lecture during a spanking, and I agree that the firmness of his voice combined with the sting of his strap make it very clear to me exactly who is in charge. In those moments, I always feel remorse and a deep desire to be back in his good graces. I want nothing more than to please him and be his “sweet girl” again. I always bitterly regret the moment of weakness that earned me a scorched bottom. Feeling remorse during and after a spanking has never been a problem for me.

    But as you so eloquently described, I’m not always able to express it very well during my punishment. I do get overwhelmed by the rush of emotions that make spanking such a uniquely powerful learning experience for a woman. At first, when I feel my man lay hands on me to bend me into the position he wants and bare my tender skin, I am remorseful on a childish level. I feel powerless to stop what’s coming, and I know it will hurt. Tears prick my eyes. This first wave of remorse is simply because I am about to be punished. A flurry of apologies (and sometimes, shamefully, excuses) cross my lips. Then, once the pain begins to sink in, I cry – hard – and embarrassment and shame wash over me. How was it that I didn’t listen, again? He told me I’d get spanked for that, and, yet, here we are – again. How could I be so silly? My bottom hurts, my nose is running, and my clothes are either bunched awkwardly around my knees or halfway over my head or a combination of both. Not very sexy or dignified. I’m always embarrassed to cry so much, like a child instead of a full-grown woman. This second wave of remorse is nothing more than embarrassment and self-pity.

    If he stopped there, with a short spanking, I might be tempted to pout and lean into my excuses, trying to save some face. Because I wasn’t fully humbled, I might try to blame him for not giving me better warnings or being more clear. My pride can sometimes get me into trouble. But my man knows this about me, and he persists. He knows he hasn’t gotten through to me yet. He keeps spanking and my tears continue to flow, but the longer I listen to him lecture me, I can feel myself soften. In my heart, I know I was wrong. I can’t do anything else but give myself over to him. He is strong, and God gave him dominion over me for a reason. As a new wife, I have things to learn, and he is strong enough to make I sure I learn those lessons well. My head swims with all of the reasons God placed me in his hands. At some point, though, it becomes hard to focus on anything except the searing heat on my bottom and the awesome strength of his swats. Exhaustion hits me hard, and my body usually goes limp. If my hips droop before my man is done, he pops them right back into place and keeps going, but this is when the final wave of remorse hits me, and it’s usually not any more articulate than the fact that I know without a doubt my husband is my sovereign king, and I shouldn’t have wronged him, whatever I did. That is the most mature and sincere form of remorse, and it is hard won on my part. I am jelly at his feet, but he persisted and he has won.

    That’s an honest reflection of my thoughts during a tough punishment, but as for what I say to my husband during all of this, I usually don’t remember. I only knows what he tells me, which is that I have trouble listening to him (I know I do), and often don’t reply to his questions, so that he has to repeat them. Sometimes I give the wrong answer – a yes, sir instead of a no, sir, or vice versa. Sometimes I can’t answer simply because I’m crying so hard. I know I struggle with this. I know I’ve earned extra spanks for it, too. That I remember! But thankfully, my husband can see how hard it is for me to focus, between the pain and the swell of my emotions. He will pause sometimes to let me catch my breath so that I can answer properly. He asks fewer questions when he can see my resistance is evaporating and my remorse is genuine. Sometimes he just makes the questions simpler. Who do you obey, woman? You, sir!

    I like to think I make up for this in the days afterward, with a full, detailed expression of why my actions were not only wrong, but harmful to our marriage to the extent that they showed disrespect to my husband. I reaffirm him as my leader and show him my abiding gratitude for both his love and his discipline. Sometimes I write out my thoughts ahead of time, but I always deliver them while kneeling at his feet to convey my deepest respect. Sometimes I am nervous or afraid, and need his loving encouragement, which he always provides.

    Reflecting on my learning as a new wife is helpful to me in coming to terms with my many weaknesses, and I hope that it gives my husband the credit he deserves for taking charge of our marriage in just the way God expects from a man. I love and fear him in nearly equal parts, just as we all love and fear our Lord and Savior.

    Thank you, Aron, for giving Christian couples a forum to hear about the happiness that can be claimed when men claim their rightful place of leadership in their homes, not just over their children, but their wives as well. And thank you for allowing me to share my story. I hope it will help other wives to accept their husband’s authority with joy in their hearts.

    1. Hello Sophie, You have a good understanding of how discipline effects you, humbles you, and brings you back in line for your husband. It shines the light, as you say, on weaknesses you need to work on. I am sure he appreciates that you respond well to his correction. Even a godly wife sometimes needs to be stripped of pride, and have her place reinforced. I am very happy to provide a place you and others can learn more about discipline and share your stories. Peace and blessing to you home.

  7. TxCoGrl83 Avatar

    I find that as a wife when my husband lectures me, or gosh even uses his “strict, stern, harsh voice” I cry almost immediately. I usually cry without it too eventually I suppose, but when he lectures me, and verbally tells me he is disappointed in my choices the combination of the spanking which hurts so badly, and hearing things like that breaks me. Or before when sometimes I can not get myself to go over his knee, or turn over on the bed, my gosh when he escalated his tone and voice it makes such a difference in my ability to do as I am told. I am to answer him of course with yes or no sir. Typically he doesn’t make me say much more than that during a spanking because it is very hard to concentrate and physically speak when you are crying and the pain of the spanking is rushing through your body evey few seconds. He does make me speak to him before though, usually. He will ask me to explain myself, he will ask me questions about my choices, he will have me respond then. Sometimes there is no questions, no anything. It’s get down there and I am pulled over his knee right away, or I am over the bed in a matter of seconds and it is HARD spanking first. Usually when this happens he does take a break, like minutes and then the next set when he returns he will ask the questions etc… I’m usually sobbing when these kinds of disciplines happen because if he is going straight in first thst usually means I did or said something to get in big trouble just minutes before so those are the worst, and then one when he lectures a lot and uses his firm voice. It is definitely a little bit of a mystery to me why the same spanking will take me so much longer to breakdown without his words, than when he uses them. Of course hearing his disappointment and anger at me and not just feeling it is hard. He is a very evenly keeled man so if he is speaking to me that way he is very angry with me, which I suppose Is why it’s so much more emotional . So I guess I know 🙂 I have Heard this from many many wives. When spanked with a lecture, talk, hard tone etc… they cry so much more and more
    Often. When I cry I can for sure tell a complete difference than when I do not. (I usially do) if I do not cry we usually are back downstairs very soon after… it feels unfinished, it feels rushed and my heart does not get to a place where I feel that break and then submission, and then after that deep feeling of safety and care. So I do feel like it’s a deeply important part of the punishment process.

    1. Sophia Avatar

      TxCoGrl, it’s always so easy to identify with you, and your love for your husband is so abundant. I’ve never not cried when I’ve had a spanking, but my tears usually start before the spanking does. It’s hard to hear the disappointment in his voice when I want so much to please him. But I know that I am imperfect, and God has placed me in his loving hands so that I may grow. Thank you for sharing your thoughts! I love hearing from other wives.

  8. Susan in florida Avatar
    Susan in florida

    Aron -sorry, but i have to disagree in part here. Lectures, expressions of disappointment, verbal chadtisements ARE omportant in our relationship, of course. But during the actual spanking they can be a distraction, and reduce the focus which I – and hopefully he – have invested in that moment.

    If something is important enough to merit a spanking, then its probably just as important to make sure i understand why, and have accepted the decision without resentment or silent objection. I should readily agree, in clear unemotional language why whatever it was i did wrong, my commitment to do better, and my complete agreement that a spanking is both needed and fair. If im expected to make these affirmations during the middle spanking (or perhaps afterwards) my sincerity could be in doubt.
    The process of acknowledgement and acceptance always involves me undressing (or pulling my pants down, if we’re away from home), presentation of any implement to be used, then a pause. Nudity, partial or full, is an inescapable signal of submission. The longer i wait, the more i embrace that submission, as he lectures or asks questions. This is done in a calm state of mind. The subsequent paddle, hairbrush, or bare hand arent made more compelling by a further confession as I’m being spanked.

    It can be a challenge ocassionally to complete these steps if we’re out somewhere. We have mutually agreed that i wont be spanked any place where strangers are certain to observe, intervene, or take a picture/video. If he tells me “right now, not later Susan” its cue, and my responsibility to lead us out of the store or estaurant, and find an appropriate location. I’m sometimes wary of parking lots garages, because its hard to be certain youre out of view of a security cam. Sometime, in a garage or stairwell, i just have to accept their presence and pick a location as far away as practical. Standing between cars, pulling my pants down, bending forward and bracing myself on a car fender for the 60 or 90 seconds that this takes can be a bit nerve wracking. Another car could approach with little warming. I’m allowed to request a halt if someone is coming, and pull my clothes back up. But if i do, then we start over from the beginning, and theres no credit for any spanks already received. Since travel spankings almost never involve a paddle, and arent the most severe, this “start again from the beginning” isn’t so much painful as it demoralizing. If i call a haltt morev than once there will be a more severe paddle
    punishment back at home or our hotel room as well.

    Its hard to explain to someone who has never experiened, it what it’s like to pull your culottes and panties down toyour ankles, in an unfamiliar, semi public place, turn around, and lean forward with your elbows on the hood of a car. in a totalky unfamiliar place, with cars coming and going. Its a complete surrender of my autonomy over my body, and leaves me with a strong reminder of obedience and humiliation.

    1. Thank you for your comments, Susan. It is always possible to separate the lecture from the spanking itself, but it still becomes a part of the overall session, along with the affirmations. Some degree of talking helps to keep a wife’s mind on those points, since it can drift, even if she had previously shown she understood the reason for the spanking. However, speaking can be combined with spanking in a variety of ways.

      I do not recommend doing spankings where people are passing by, in semi-public places. It would be easy for someone to get a little closer, and then you’d be responsible for creating public lewdness, and showing something very intimate with to the general public. There ought to be something closer to a certainty that people will not view it.

  9. Deserving Avatar

    I don’t think it would be possible for a wife to completely learn her lessons with out verbal communication as part of the spanking session.

    I’ve been taught to submit in several ways, but discussion during a spanking has been an integral part of how I’ve learned to be better. With out those discussions, I’m not sure I would have learned my lessons thoroughly.

    Aron correct me if I’m wrong, but a spanking with discussion would be not much different than not learning or understanding the sounds of letters in schooling. Without it, it would be more difficult to learn to read and just be memorization of words, and take much longer. By knowing the sounds of letters and rules of English, a personal can understand how to better read and why.

    Isnt a wife submitting and talking about her infractions almost as important as the spanking itself? If she doesn’t understand why she is being punished, how will she learn? I fear the belt and don’t want to be spanked, but I understand why my husband needs to correct me because he takes the time to explain it verbally and demands my admission of guilt and reflection of being better in the future- out loud. The admission of guilt seems like it would be hard for a wife without saying it out loud to her husband.

    I was wondering if you see it that way as an experienced spanking husband. It might sound strange but I think my admission of guilt and remorse makes it better for my husband. It affirms his leadership and shows his success when I do that. Ultimately I want to be submissive and accept his dominance, but the verbal communication involved in my spankings are how I affirm my desire to be better and understand his leadership.

    1. Thank you for your comment. Yes, I find the verbal communication an essential part of the discipline process. It may be done at different times — for example before rather than during the spanking — but the speaking helps guide the correction, and gives the wife a deeper participation in it. It truly helps her grow.

  10. Pam Styles Avatar
    Pam Styles

    One important affirmation, and it can be done with few or no words, is compliance with initial discipline instructions. No arguing, pleading, right fighting, guilt tripping, try to seduce your way out it, etc.

    The only exception might be if you didn’t do it, like if you were being spanked for not paying a bill but you had the receipt. But that is more due process and not arguing. I am talking about defiance or manipulation when guilt is clear.

    Just comply. Bare your rear end and get over hubby’s knee. Go to the corner. Whatever.

    My husband usually has me take off everything and lay on the bed, head at the pillow end. When he tells me to go the bedroom and strip, I am like ” yes sir” and I just go. I feel some fear and dread but would not want him any other way. You hope that compliance is affirmation of that.

    My husband says he appreciates that the first thing he sees when he comes is my butt being presented for discipline. It frees up his disciplinary energy if he does not have to get me under control, I think. Compliance communicates an apology, that you are getting your attitude right. It shows that you see value in the discipline. I also think it shows gratitude to your husband. More about this to come.


    1. aronhusband Avatar

      Thank you for your comment, Pam. It is true, an easy compliance with correction speaks as clearly as words that you are remorseful for your behavior and ready to change it. Wives ought to be ready to fully cooperate with discipline, and understand what that expresses.

Leave a Reply