I Think I Need a Spanking, Sir

Do you ever admit your guilt? Would you ever say you need a punishment? It is a scary prospect to some to actually come and say you deserve a spanking. Spankings are undesirable, and hard to go through. Guilt is not easy to admit. However, being able to openly admit wrongs, even going so far as to ask for a spanking, will help leadership and submission run smoothly. It can also help a woman’s growth in submission, if it is not overdone. A husband can not be everywhere at once, nor can he read his wife’s mind. Coming and asking when you need one is a good habit to learn.

The first and most obvious reason to admit wrongs is because it is honest. To intentionally hide an infraction would be wrong, and in some instances would amount to another infraction. It also offers a necessary aid in a man leading his wife, letting him know the things he does not see. If a wife is to be a man’s helper in life, she is a helper here to his correction of her, by making him aware of her wrong. She may simply come to him and say, “I’m sorry, but I broke your rules.” Or, “I’m sorry, but I didn’t do what you said. Do I need a spanking for it?” She may also just come out and say, “I think I need a spanking, sir.”

This openness makes sure discipline is successful in correcting her for her wrongs. Otherwise she could go unpunished for a variety of wrongs. It also aids her by keeping her open and honest with her husband. A woman who can come to her man without fail and admit to a wrong is learning humility, and is learning to give herself fully, in a way a wife who simply waits to be corrected would not do. Do we not confess our sins to our God? Surely, it makes sense to admit a wrong to our earthly authority as well, as a woman does to her husband. Once a woman can overcome any hesitancy, or fear, and do this, she is making great steps in becoming his most fully.

A woman may also want to admit to internal wrongs. A man may see some of her misdeeds, but he will not see internal problems she has. If those matters of the soul include inner rebellion to her husband, or wrong attitude in the heart, it is not a bad idea to confess it as well. I’m not suggesting a man needs to spank for inner wrongs. That is especially so since they can be very minor, as well as very common. It could be too rigorous trying to punish for them. However, a spanking still may help a woman remember in her heart who is boss, even before she has acted on her bad attitude. “I think I need a spanking, sir” can tell him that she’s headed in the wrong way, and he can make the judgment as to whether a spanking is needed. Often, it will help her draw closer to her man, and avoid any coming disrespect.

This leads to the subject of spankings which are not specifically punishments. I don’t write often about that subject, and I rarely give that kind of spanking as a husband, but I don’t disregard their value either. You may find that spankings simply to work on cleansing a woman’s heart are good for her in the long run. They help her attitude and behavior. They take her away from the danger zone. Some couples use preemptive spankings, which can help a woman if given before a situation when she frequently has problems, such as going out with friends, or being around drink. The spanking functions as a warning, and a reminder that her man is looking over her, and there are consequences for any coming wrongs. Sometimes just the closeness of the act helps a woman behave well. A woman who knows her problem times, and situations in which she is tempted, may ask for a spanking to avoid any problems. Sometimes she knows those weaknesses better than her man does, and can let him know it helps her. If she knows she needs that warning, it is good for her to ask for it.

A wife being submissive, does not mean she is entirely passive. She submits to and follows her man. But she remains actively engaged in her role as a helper, and in practicing growth in womanhood. If she cares about the benefits of her man’s correction, she ought to learn to admit to wrongs that her husband does not know about. There should be no secrets in this regard. She can also admit to inner failings, knowing well that not all of them are sin, or need to be punished. This openness allows a man fuller view of his wife’s growth in virtue, as well as see problem areas he might not have. On the woman’s part, it is the respectful and honest thing to do. I don’t doubt this will bring greater life and fruitfulness to your marriage.

You can check out all of my articles on marital discipline, organized by category, at my About Page.


22 responses to “I Think I Need a Spanking, Sir”

  1. I definitely do now. This was a struggle before we had Children and it was just HoH and me. Now everything is in the open and if I make a deliberate mistake or say something rude and out of order I pray alone first for forgiveness from the Lord then I will call my husband when he is on his lunch break and we have our debrief. It’s not an easy thing to do but he is much kinder and somewhat softer in his manner when I approach him or say “Oh Sir by the way, I think I need a spanking because….”
    He thanks me for my honesty and my ability to make the right decision. We hug it out first and he tells me he loves me before taking me upstairs and undressing me.
    The spanking still hurts but it’s not as bad as a severe paddling for hiding something which HoH hates the most. Deceit is the most disrespectful behavior to him and he doesn’t expect it from his Wife or children. He apprehends his student’s for lying and would not expect it in his church group. I can tell you Ive been very sore and bruised on my bottom for lying before. I admit my failings to him and we are that much closer, sometimes he doesn’t spank me for it if it’s tiny like forgetting a few groceries or something like that but not paying the bills or keeping the house clean on a regular basis (a one off when I’m sick or was pregnant was fine) he will punish me for so it’s best to let him know. I owe so much to him.

  2. Anna Carter Avatar
    Anna Carter

    Thank you for this post. It helps clarify some things that I had trouble with. Was it “topping from the bottom” to ask/confess for a correction/spanking for a misdeed. Again, thanks.

    1. You’re welcome, Anna. I am glad you found the article helpful. Peace.

  3. Aron, this post makes me shamefully aware of how much more room I have to grow as a woman. Though I was brave enough to ask my husband to spank me, that was long before I had a clear understanding of what exactly I was getting myself into. That’s why I am forever grateful to my man for listening to the silly, romance novel version of male leadership in marriage that I was trying so hard to convince him was right for us. But I know it was God who really convinced him in the end, and that their private conversations through prayer led him to become the strong disciplinarian God always intended him to be. I’m just the clay God gave him to mold. He is fearsome and wondrous, and I try my best to listen to him and learn from him as he continues to shape me.

    Learning to accept responsibility for my behavior or to hold still during punishment is a long, long way from asking for more, though. If my husband was too easy on me and let me get away with things he shouldn’t, I can see how I might eventually ask him to take charge again for the sake of our marriage, even knowing how much it would hurt. I know I couldn’t love a weak man. But, luckily, that’s not the case for us. I’m thankful for his strength, and I respect him for setting some tough boundaries with me in our marriage. I know I’ve not just earned, but really needed, every spanking he’s chosen to give me. That part I was right about – discipline is good for me and it’s helped me to be more responsible. But if I’ve shown any pride in that, reading this has humbled me yet again. I’m speechless at the amount of courage it would take to go to my husband and ask him for a belting he wasn’t even thinking of giving me, for something I might not have even done yet. I would never lie to him, and I’m not intentionally deceptive, but I know I’m not that pure of heart. Not yet, anyway. You’ve given me a lot to pray over, and I hope to show my husband such exceptional honesty and respect in our years to come.

    1. That’s great it’s give you a chance to pray over it. I know it can’t be easy to ask for a spanking, especially if it’s going to be hard. I think in clear cases of wrongs he just did not see, it is important to confess. Regarding smaller matters, or interior wrongs, it’s less clear, but it’s not a bad idea to let him decide. Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us. Blessings.

  4. I’ve been a little convicted by this post. I have been doing quite well the last couple of weeks. It has taken me some time to let go of all my silly hidden “treasures”. That’s the only way I can explain why I held on to behaviors I should have shared and didn’t. They weren’t worth the value I gave them and, additionally, caused me internal harm by keeping them secret. In most cases, the behavior hidden was minor and not punishable. The holding on and not letting go was problematic. My actions have always been a reflection of our home life, regardless of my recognition of that fact. I’ve always simply handled things and whatever behavior got me through a task or event was what those around me experienced. I never thought about it unless someone felt slighted or hurt unintentionally while I blew through doing my thing. Same at home, if I wanted to chat or write, I’d let the words slide right out with minimal self-moderation. It was like I was always on a mission. Though I can’t tell you what the outcome was, unless it was to get through whatever I was doing to move to the next task. Well, no more! I have been confessing quite often, self-reporting on behaviors we determined I needed to be accountable for daily, and I feel a weight off my shoulders. Because of his schedule we still meet twice a week to check for trends and handle any issues as they need to be handled. For the most part, and since we are still new and figuring out how we will work this process, my confessions have been covered in grace and mercy, and the 4D’s corrected. There have been a couple that resulted in negative outcomes for which I have had to pay a greater price. My husband’s compassion for what I’m going through to purge my secrets has made me so very proud I’m his wife. We have mostly been on the same wavelength about what correction is needed for each situation, so I haven’t had to submit to anything I would have believed unfair (Not that he asked, but he has responded as I expected). I still have things to talk through with him, and of course I seem to be holding onto the big one until last. In fact, something happened today as a result of procrastination that could have had serious ramifications. I went to him as fast as I could so I didn’t have to hold onto it. And, since I’m pretty sure what Sunday’s discussion will include, I can prepare, be diligent, and incredibly submissive all weekend to ensure I have no additional problems. Having a system in place for accountability and knowing the consequences makes all the difference in how I approach everything. Thank you for your lesson, Aron.

    1. Thank you for your comment. I’m very glad it has given you something to think about as far as confessing your wrongs.

  5. Better Lady Avatar
    Better Lady

    I never considered not admitting or confessing my wrongs or missteps to my husband. That would be considered omissions which are as serious as lying in our home. I have not asked for a spanking as my husband determines whether or not a punishment is due based on the infraction that I have made. I always accept the consequences of my actions. I find it easier to stay on track with my attitude, my responsibilities and my submission knowing that I have no secrets and knowing that my husband will know what I have been up to in his absence. I never want to disappoint him and I know that the rules and expectations set are for the good of our relationship, our home and our safety. Most of the time, if I express that I broke or came close to breaking a rule, we talk about it and he thanks me for being honest and also for recognizing my wrong. If it was something minor, there is usually just a lecture and sometimes corner time for reflection. Serious infractions result in a session across his lap with the paddle.

  6. Long Time Practitioner Avatar
    Long Time Practitioner

    My 1st wife would not ask for a spanking but never resisted when she needed one. She was spanked a lot less than my current wife who is more head strong. My current wife has asked to be spanked because she knew she was out of line and figured that self-reporting was the honest thing to do. She was well spanked but not as harshly as it would have been had I been told by someone else of her misdeed. The spanking was firmly given and quickly over. Afterward I comforted her at once and thanked her for her honesty. We have a great marriage and keep it that way by being open with each other. It works for us

  7. I confess to my sir my wrongdoings thinking that he would consider my honesty and lessen the severity of spanking but I was wrong cause it was the worst spanking I’ve ever received

    1. It’s wonderful that you were honest. I believe there are some husbands who would lessen the severity of a spanking due to a wife’s honesty, but not all. If the infraction was serious, then it is right that the punishment is serious as well, even if you were honest about it.

      The point of honesty, while it may be nice to think about getting a lesser punishment, is not for that kind of reward. It is simply to let the man know of a wrong he did not see, and also to ask for help in an area he may not know you need help in.

      Dishonesty itself is a wrong, and I’d hope a wife would want to stay fr away from that. Keeping something from her husband ought to eat her with guilt to begin with, and she should find the right thing to do is be open and honest, simply because she is his wife.

      That’s can be challenging when it comes to admitting a wrong, but it is worse to keep it from him. I caught my wife being dishonest one time, and boy did she get the paddling of a lifetime. She was relived to get it out though, and she knew it was wrong.

      1. I go out without his permission and he considers that as a direct defiance to his authority

        1. A wife has many things to do concerning the home that involve going out, and many need to go out nearly daily to take care of household or children’s needs. If I am away at work I consider it a given that she needs to go out sometimes, and would not concern myself, unless the outing were irresponsible or beyond the expenses I give her. When I am in the home, and might need her for something, she is required to ask me before she leaves. That assures I know where she is, and she is around when I may need her.

      2. If Jane brings to my attention that she was disobedient I generally administer a milder punishment and occasionally no punishment at all just a lecture. However, I don’t want her to think confessing is a get out jail card, so she knows she will most likely has a date with the strap

  8. Hi obeysubmit. How does your husband handle your defiance when you go out without his permission? Has he found out yet or are you going to tell him?

    1. Hi Robby, i told him and he spanked me harshly

      1. Im so sorry about that I was hoping he would take your admission of wrong doing into consideration and not punish you so harshly.

        1. Robby – While I’m not ObeySubmit and can’t truly speak for her, I am a submissive (spanked) wife, and I would tell you to not be sorry. If my husband were “less” just because I admitted wrong doing, I would genuinely feel worse about him, his love and guidance. I know the rules, I know the consequences, and what he expects of me … I, too, expect of him. I expect to be punished the same, so if it is “less” it isn’t the same. Just my two cents. ;). Marie

      2. Heather Avatar

        I so resonate with what you have written. I don’t know if there’s a way to contact you but, I don’t have any married spanking friends and I would love you to be the first one.

        1. I’m not sure if it’s okay to hijack this post really, but the author can delete my comment here if need be too. So .. my email is: MarieL11251971@gmail.com. 🙂

  9. Back in the early 1990ties when our DD relationship started. My husband just called an old fashioned marriage. He did find a copy of the !936 copy of Dr Dorothy Spencer spanking plan. We didn’t use much of her plan, but did use it as outline and guide to make out our plan. It was a one sided plan with only me being spanked. And only used several of rules. But one Dr Dorothy’s rules does apply her Rule # 6. – Request punishment MUST be given.
    Here we have a most important and valuable feature of the Spencer Plan. It is not enough to take the discipline without fuss or argument when our punishing partner feels we should have it – we must also ASK FOR IT, when we know or feel that we deserve it!

    I was bad, I could never do it. His spanking were just too painful. He often reminded me of this rule but I couldn’t do it.

    1. Yes. It is a challenge to ask for a punishment. I am sure. I know that other women would struggle with it too. I do not demand my wife ask for one, but apart from asking, if a wife knows she did something seriously wrong, she should be open and confess it. That is more important than asking.

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