A Response to MGTOW Fears

The phrase MGTOW (men going their own way) is quite the buzz word these days. Like a lot of buzzwords, it describes a real phenomenon, and then subsequently forms a real phenomenon, encouraging people by its simplicity and clear identity to define themselves this way, even if their beliefs, thoughts, and causes are a bit different. MGTOW has defined the present urge by men to stay away from women, at least as far as marriage is concerned, because there are so many rotten women. Many women aren’t fit for marriage. Many aren’t fit for what this society defines as dating. Women are being trained not to be feminine. They are taught not to respect men. They are taught to be proud and to be concerned with their own power. If there is a divorce women will end up with a man’s money and his children the large majority of the time. Who would want to to get married to that mess? Use them for sex only, or stay away from them entirely. Women have been ruined in this present age.

I both sympathize and empathize with men who feel that way. I know the damage that feminism as an ideology has done, taking previously feminine women, who were raised the right way, and turning them into ideologues, who refuse to submit to their husband, and go out of their way to usurp a man’s authority. I also know the great number of women who have been led into impurity, and think little of sleeping with any man, or cheating on their spouse. If these reasons alone weren’t enough to make marriage look like Russian roulette, the legal system discriminates against men, and gives women the advantage. That is an injustice and won’t change anytime soon Likely, if I had never become a Christian, while I may not have shared the same negative view that discouraged souls in the MGTOW movement have, I would not have gotten married. Regardless of the disadvantages the movement sees in marriage, I never found the idea of lifelong monogamy attractive anyway, and raising children didn’t sound attractive to me either. Too much work, and I never really got along with children. Without my faith, I would simply have continued using women like the tools they permitted themselves to be, and would have been content with that. I did adore women more than what I hear from the MGTOW people, but I would have seen little need to marry one.

While it’s easy to see where an aversion to women is coming from, and truly an aversion to marriage, you also have to see the fault, as well as the vain hypocrisy in this movement. Number one, it comes across as giving up without a fight, and simply accepting matters as they currently stand. That’s not very manly, guys. It comes across as mere surrender, with a facade of victory, like — now we won because we won’t play with you any more. But that’s hardly a meaningful battle to win. By rejecting marriage, it throws off the responsibility to lead, and to change society. It’s childish. It plays — I am a rock, I am an island — a thousand times over on vinyl in the man cave, and brags about its war wounds, while refusing to go to war. Men ought to know what is good, and what is important, and strive for those things.

The movement is furthermore hypocritical. That’s because the degraded state of women could not have gotten where it is without men, who are our leaders, permitting it to get that way. It is a result of fathers who did not raise up their children correctly. Husbands who did not lead and correct their wives. Brothers that did not protect their sisters’ dignity. Teachers who collaborated with evil and taught feminist ideologies even though they knew better. Pastors who were content to go with the flow of the times, rather than teach what is true yet unpopular about gender. Gullible politicians and voters who bought into a hammered flat equality, and brushed off the idea that law could never limit what one sex can do. That would just be evil, right guys? Men brought this upon themselves, and continue to do so. Every time I see a daughter encouraged to go into the military, permitted to practice immorality, or dress like she does, or to hang out in worldly places that will damage her purity, I just wonder to myself, and sincerely grieve, because men continue to permit this. They do it with each coming generation. For those things to happen, the father had to let it happen.

Not only that, but for every tattooed single mother out there, used a thousand times over, it typically took multiple men to get her that way. It took men to act like whore mongers and leading women into whoredome. I grew up in a fairly liberal time and place, but I knew women growing up who tried to do the right thing, and who were taught to do the right thing by their parents. Those women learned very quickly no man would want them unless they dressed or acted like a hoe. So they lowered their dignity. Forgot what they’d been taught. Did shameful things, and over time learned to deaden the sting of shame, so that it became normal, and they couldn’t feel it anymore. It was not a feminist professor who turned them into filthy hoes, it was men who did that, over and over in the first place, and in a very dedicated fashion. Women are to be pure. Men should respect that. Men should protect them and protect their dignity. But many of the men complaining about women being unfit for marriage were whore mongers themselves. So you turn her into a hoe and then tell her you’d rather be alone. What kind of logic is that?

What MGTOW needs to know are these few things: Women are not set in stone. Much less so than men. You can help shape her and create her through your love and leading. Your words and your power help make her what she’ll be. Do not assume that nearly any woman you meet will be a poor choice for marriage. There are very good choices out there, especially if you are doing the right things already, and take the lead from before you are married. There are women who will follow that lead, and become more of what you are looking for and need. Let women know from the start you are a traditional man. You will protect her and provide for her (no that’s not using you for money, that’s her right as your wife to be cared for), you will be united for life no matter what, and you expect her to submit to you. You’re the boss. Plus don’t forget — you adore her. Start with that, and then work with the lovely ladies who respond. I can promise that in many areas in my country there are still women who desire a traditional man, and are willing to be a traditional wife. If you are in a city that is ultra-liberal, it may get harder to find, but fret not. Trust God has a spouse for you. If you see no possibilities over time, realize many prospective wives from overseas have much better values and attitude than the cosmopolitan American female. Women from Asia, Latin America, the Philippines, are much better odds. If you go that route, be prepared to spend time getting to know someone, as you can get scammed if you do not. I know multiple people who have married women from overseas and are perfectly happy with the results. I hear no complaining out of them.

Do not assume that a woman who has a few of the feminist traits and uses some of the lingo of the independent woman is truly that way in her heart. There are many women who feel they need to talk that way because they’re out there in the world and that’s what’s expected. They’re living the way they feel is expected. It’s not a religion for them. There are women with high salary jobs who have been longing for a strong man for many years, and longing to be submissive for years, but a man never came along. They walk and talk as they have to, but in their hearts they want to be feminine. They want a strong man who both loves and leads them, and can ravish them when he desires. The imprint that falsehood has on the brain is weaker than truth. It doesn’t always seem that way, especially in cases of conflict, or when there is demonic influence. But a woman is a woman in her soul, and in her body, and she knows it. Start putting yourself out there as a traditional and strong man, a man who will both head the home and lovingly adore her, and believe me some of those women whom you think are too independent for a man will become gentle and submissive, look at you longingly, and cling to your arm. They are women.

Not every woman that has filth in her past is unfit for marriage. There are women who have committed terrible sins, and may still be living out the consequences, who have left that behind and are completely free of it. There are tattooed single mothers who now live life on the straight and narrow. I’ve met them. They are clean, responsible, and hard working. Do not judge them only by the results of their past sin. You would not wish to be judged that way either. Just make sure that if there is immorality, drugs, or criminality in her past, it should be gone by multiple years. Know her, her family, her friends, and confirm that she is no longer the same person. Many of those women need and deserve your love and protection. A man should take care of a woman, not the government. A woman needs a man’s strength and affection. Not the government’s. Do not write off women as filthy, despite all the many who are. And do not judge by mere appearances. She is still marriage material, even with children, unless she has been married before.

In its zeal to avoid woman problems, MGTOW even gets single-hood wrong. Singleness is not a bad thing. However, the norm for society, and for nearly all of us is coupling in marriage with children. Being single can play a good role, but its role is not to avoid the problems associated with modern western females, or to get back at them for being so lousy. Single-hood can be a unique calling for the purpose of serving God. The single man has a great deal of time and attention to devote to God, and to his work. That focus and energy can be incredibly productive. Single-hood is also necessary if one is separated or divorced by one’s spouse. Jesus even recommends being single for those who are unable to marry for life. As one passes up the wrong women, to find the right one, it is normal to be single for a temporary period of time. So use that solitary state for good purposes. However, to make it a long-term goal, or a life goal is nonsensical. Men and women are built for each other. We are compatible not only in our biology, but also psychologically, and spiritually. Most men who try to be single find they fall into fornication, and do not even have the necessary self control. Marriage provides the only good outlet for sexual desires, and that outlet keeps society safe from the destruction of immorality. It brings forth the miracle of new life. The goal for nearly all of us should be marriage, and the single celibate life be recognized as an exception by calling or necessity.

The future is in your hands, men. You are the leaders. You both helped create the current situation by your failures and sins, and will change it by your success and virtue. Be men. Know that there is more than meets the eye in the women you meet, and that your mind and power can help shape that woman. You also set the standards for marriage. Do not lower your standards or enter any kind of egalitarian marriage. If that’s what a woman wants, let her know you cannot marry her. Forget it. But do not forget marriage. When you set that standards, and show by your life that you are the kind of man who will love and lead his wife, I believe in the large majority of cases you will find a woman who is fit to be your wife. Marriage is too important to the world to write off. It’s not just for your fulfillment, it’s for all of us. Marriage provides stability. It brings us a future through the blessing of children. It raises up virtuous men for the next generation. It protects men, women, and children from harm. It provides a small-scale church that worships God and transmits the faith to new believers. It is an example of Christ’s love and deliverance. You are tasked with a very important job, and it is selfish and cowardly to simply walk away. Only walk away from unworthy women. Do not walk away from marriage. You can provide this world with something incredibly valuable, and be the hero for the next generation. Or you can hang out with your friends complaining and whining. Like. A bunch. Of girls.

You can check out all of my articles on marital discipline, organized by category, at my About Page.

NEWS: I was happy to see a few new countries high on our list of viewers, including Singapore and Malta, which are quite small nations comparatively, as well as Israel and Nigeria. Thank you for joining us here!


12 responses to “A Response to MGTOW Fears”

  1. Some very important examples for young girls are found in the virgin martyrs of ancient Christian Rome. I would highly recommend that many mothers and daughters read of the lives of Sts. Agnes, Lucy, Agatha and Philomena (Philomena is particularly popular among those of Italian extraction).

    Girls who are college students in this time when college is so fraught with dangers to both soul and mind would do well to invoke the assistance of Catherine of Alexandria, another virgin martyr whose life is an example of emulation. There are some today who say that her existence is doubtful and her feastday was removed from the current calendar, but this may be due to many legends that grew up around her story, which may or may not have occurred. As a child I had a girl’s storybook of her life, “A Star in the East”, and always wanted to name one of my daughters Catherine:

    1. Thank you Lisa. Strong examples of holy womanhood will help younger women greatly. It will nurture in them godly hearts, and help them live pure lives. I don’t know that many great women saints of the early era, but I know the mother of Augustine, Monica, in especially revered.

      I also hope that young ladies have examples close to home of godly women, but sadly this is often not the case. They would have to look very far to find a woman who does what the Bible teaches them to do. Yet the more Christians become faithful in the Lord, the more families and communities will have examples and models for young women to follow.

      I don’t see many good reasons for a woman to attend college, not only because it carries an immense tide of immorality of all kinds, but because it commonly takes women off of their path of motherhood and the home, and onto a path that often does not even allow it. She best prepares herself from the future without college, and will also find far fewer evil influences that way, if she has a godly community around her and the right goals.


      1. Ruth, Esther and I would also say Leah are examples of strong women in the bible. Each for different reasons.
        Mary and Martha show us two polar opposites and what is really important in servitude toward Jesus our Lord.
        Mary Magdalene presents a fallen woman who was freed from her demons by the hand of Jesus and was one of his most faithful female followers.
        The point is, a Woman’s faith is important. Lay yourself before the Lord your God. This is the same when choosing (or in my case) meeting your future Husband. A strong Man of God who will lead you in bible study, devotionals and explain things you don’t understand is vital in any Christian Marriage. I’ve always desired a CDD marriage with a Godly HoH who knows his bible.

        1. Thank you. Yes, a man needs to be leading his wife foremost in the faith. She needs his strength and guidance. I hope all the women also recognize the importance of being good examples, and teachers to the younger women. Titus 2 gives areas that the more experienced wives can help the younger ones. It is very hard to find these days, and your job is extremely important.

  2. Agreed. MGTOW is addressing some very legitimate grievances, but in a very wrong way.

    Indeed, many men complaining about women being unfit for marriage are part of the problem. They are obsessed with a woman’s “body count” (which isn’t wrong in itself), but sleeping with him is a prerequisite for a second date.

    As for staying away from marriage because it is like Russian roulette, this is so different to the animal kingdom. I can’t understand the way many men are so risk-averse, but many animals are willing to do what they have to to pass their genes on, even if this means losing their life, e.g. spiders and mantises.

    Okay, so this doesn’t tend to happen with humans, but many men just don’t have a sacrificial view of marriage. MGTOW advocates just using women for sex.

    [comment edited to remove material inappropriate for the website]

    1. Hello JS, There are definitely a good number of such men who simply are interested in women for sex, and who look down on women. But there are many too who would like to have a family and be a husband and father, but think the odds are simply too poor.

      Certainly sacrifice needs to be a part of getting married and having children, but a suicidal risk should not be a part of it. It should be more or less stable, and in a society which respected marriage and gender, it would be much more so. A lot of men need to know that if they put themselves out there openly looking for a traditional woman, who respects the man’s traditional role, there are more women than they’d expect who will make a possible bride.

      In very liberal areas, it could be much more difficult, and there’s nothing wrong with looking afar, or overseas for a good wife. Once women see that men won’t go for feminists and loose women, they’re more likely to change their act as well. The society just let it all slide, and now many people feel helpless.

      It is nothing we cannot turn around, but it takes obedience to God and hard work.

      1. Agreed, it is not always easy to find a woman with the right character for the way marriage should be done. Too many women want to have their cake and eat it: they want to be able to push their husbands around as the leader, but they still want a man to shower them with lots of expensive gifts (rather than laying up treasure in Heaven).

        Regarding sacrifice, there are some women who have been indoctrinated by the feminist movement to believe that men are not fulfilling their duties to love their wives sacrificially and women are arriving already perfect. However, I wonder if many of them might be won over if they saw that men were prepared to love them sacrificially like they are supposed to, i.e. “he has made it clear he will do his duties, now I will do mine”.

        1. Hello JS, That’s all true. Men would have an easier time finding women who are prepared to follow them if they are firstly, clearly in charge, and secondly also responsible and godly men. They make it clear they will be the man of the home, and do their job, which includes working hard, providing for the household, and being a spiritual man on his knees before God.

          Men also need to be clear from the start about the purpose of marriage, and communicate that to their future bride. They need to lead in honoring the purpose of marriage, and honoring God who has given it to us. A woman should be able to see that a man understands marriage is for life, is a faithful relationship, and is for the purpose of bearing and raising children.

          Now if a husband doesn’t do a good job at all that, a woman has no excuse for not submitting to him. Her submission is not conditional on her man being excellent at his job. Her submission comes with being a wife, and she needs to continue to honor and obey her husband, even when he does not do well. Gentleness, modesty, and meekness need to characterize her, no matter what kind of a man she has married. Man and wife need to each do their jobs regardless.

          1. Indeed, the main obligation being to love his wife (sacrificially) as Christ loved the church, giving himself up for it, as mentioned in Ephesians 5:25. Providing is important, but as the MGTOW culture often points out, too many modern women have excessive expectations in this area (e.g. the overweight and aged single mothers with several children by different fathers who want a “high-value man”). Similarly, the husband has no excuse for not doing his role in Ephesians 5:25 if his wife is uncooperative: as the leader, he should take the initiative in fulfilling his role before demanding his wife fulfil hers.

          2. Hello JS, It is true there are many unrealistic expectations, both by frustrated men, and disillusioned women. It is important to know that people do change, and that there are still men and women who would make good husbands and wives, assuming they have fully departed from a past life of sin, or from past misguided ideologies. Lives do get changed in the long term.

            A man indeed does his job even when his woman is not doing hers. However, he does not merely wait around before he demands that his wife do her job. The man is the one with authority in the home. That means he is responsible to make sure his wife does her job, is submissive, and is virtuous. Man is head of the wife, just as Christ is of the Church, and the Father is of Christ. That is real authority which can commands obedience. The wife is to submit to her husband as to Christ, who is our Lord whom we obey.

            A husband would be irresponsible himself if he did not use his command to assure his wife fulfills her role. He would be negligent. That does not mean he has to regulate everything, but it does mean he makes full use of his headship, instructs her, and disciplines her. Christ chastises His own beloved Bride, and a husband chastises his wife.

            While it may be popular with liberal thinkers to do, no amount of pointing to the Bible’s “love” passages makes authority and obedience go away. Love is not in conflict with authority and obedience. Rather, love coexists with them, is expressed in them, and through them. A man loves his wife, and he also leads and corrects her. Scripture is in full harmony with itself, and we cannot pit one passage against another. The man loves, and he also leads with full authority. Just like Christ.

  3. […] capable of doing so even if they wished. Besides, why would any man want to bother or take the risk with all of the masculinized, dominant, aggressive, promiscuous and fiercely independent women out t…? Best for men to just go their own way […]

    1. Thank you for linking to my article. There is some very good material on your website, and in the links you provide.

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