Making it Past Early Resistance

I’ve made it no secret in this discipline guide that much of the motivation for marital discipline comes from the ladies themselves, who desire to be disciplined. It is no stretch to say that most who suggest the wife’s submission, or firm correction, are the wives themselves. Yet despite this encouraging fact, women will find the early stages of being led and corrected to be challenging. Women will find they have at times an instinctive reaction against their husband, and against being spanked. They will struggle with making progress, finding some of their progress to be temporary, and risk being discouraged when they fall back into past attitudes or behavior. It can be frustrating to see anger well up, when you know very well you should be respectful and meek to your husband instead. It’s important to take note of this early resistance, and learn that it can be overcome very simply over time.

The causes of this early hump are not very numerous. They are simple challenges that come from the sin nature, and needing to develop strength to overcome our obstacles. A woman might react against her correction because of pride. She may find old rebelliousness returning — an ancient weakness of women, and one that requires constant work. She may also find herself resisting out of simple fear, which makes her not want to face a spanking, and leads her to develop any number of poor reasons why she shouldn’t get one. A husband’s misuse of discipline can also contribute to her challenge, if he has been unloving, or has been overusing rules and correction. This last challenge is one a husband must address, and once he does, her own efforts will see more fruit. The dismay a woman sometimes feels as she feels unable to over come her resistance can be likened to a mountain. You can reach a point when you feel you can climb no more. You are sure you’re out of energy, and your body is too sore to continue. However, with a refreshing rest, and a few choice snacks, you have a second wind, and make it to the top. Likewise, overcoming early challenges in submission, can seem too taxing for us. Perseverance, and the right tactics, will help nearly anyone make it to the peak. It gets much easier after that.

In struggling with resistance, it is important a lady remember that her submission is a way that she gives herself to her husband. It shows her belonging to her. Nothing is more intrinsic to the marriage union than that. Submission is her part in the marriage union. She does not hold anything back of herself. To resist her man’s command, or his correction, is selfish, and amounts to disrespecting him. It is a form of rejection. To turn around and refuse to do what your husband has told you is demonic and foul. She should know that, when she dutifully hears him and does his will, or when she has to trembling bend over to be spanked, she is simply showing him the honor due. She is fulfilling her wonderful place in following her husband. A wife’s love and her submission are complete, and she helps make them complete when she humbles herself to accept correction. Even if she does so with trepidation.

Bring to mind also that your submission reflects your softness as a woman. Independence does not reflect that. Submission does. A loud mouth does not reflect that. Silence and gentleness does. It fulfills your femininity to follow your lord, and it also manifests the humility you should have in your soul. Both as a woman, and as a child of God, your goal should be to show humility to your man. To reject the authority God has placed above you is prideful and will lead to rebellion and conflict.  It brings much worse pain than a spanking. A woman can live at peace with her own nature and with her man when she is soft and gentle, and receives his word as her command. Nurture the femininity you have. Recognize how glorious is the role of submission, and how inseparable from the marriage union it is.

A woman who is walking forward in submission, and finds herself bristling at being corrected, needs to take a moment to think of the good reasons for her correction. Correction helps end her bad behavior, it helps avert more serious conflict, and it makes sure a wrong is dealt with fully and is in the past. Once the correction is done with, there will be no remembering it, and there will be no bitterness between man and wife. She should see to amazing peace it brings to her home and her marriage. Likewise, she ought to think briefly of the harm done by her pride, harm that breaks to bond of love and causes conflict and fighting in many marriages. Being humble for a short time, long enough to receive verbal correction and a spanking, averts great harm. Her bad attitude and behavior is serious, and a spanking reinforces how serious it is, and how important it is she be back on the right path.

A simple fear of punishment is often the motivator for a woman’s inner resistance. Knowing that a spanking can help the situation doesn’t necessarily make it easier to deal with facing pain. Early in a marriage this fear can present more of a problem, since a wife is new to correction. Whatever the fear, or how grand it seems, she should know that she will make it through her discipline session. There are women every day who receive similar correction, and they face it and succeed in making it to the end. The fire of punishment is purely temporary. It’s there for a good reason. Think of the wrong you have done, and focus on wanting to make it right. Understand the seriousness of that wrong. Make it your meditation to think of expressing your remorse to your husband, and expressing your devotion to him. These things will help you make it through the pain of a strapping.

A husband can play his role in aiding his wife in overcoming her resistance. I primarily speak on assuring that he use discipline correctly, and not greatly overdo it. Nearly anyone will feel constrained, if not uncared for, if everything in daily life is made a matter of rules, and if any mistake requires a serious penalty. A husband needs to set realistic goals in attitude and behavior for his wife, and chastise firmly and regularly for serious wrongs. He should avoid being unclear about rules as well. Beyond establishing a productive system of discipline, he should make sure his wife is both loved and led daily. Daily leadership is verbal, and gentle, and the average verbal correction does not need to be harsh. A woman who is not treated with love and honor will feel more overburdened by correction, and correction will feel more inhumane. She ought to know you are a good man to follow. Her correction is a loving form of guidance, and she will be restored to the joy and peace she had with you before.

On the opposite pole, a husband who is slack with discipline can assure that his wife never takes bold steps in submission in the first place. If his leadership is weak, if he is giving her little instruction, few verbal corrections or spankings, she may not see the rails so easily. She may not take his words seriously. She may also not experience his strength so powerfully, and her instinct to rebel may think it has the freedom to do so. He makes her king of the hill. Therefore, a weak man may silently be encouraging his wife’s bad behavior. That’s not to say there’s an excuse for it —  she still needs to practice self-discipline — but he facilitates her backsliding by his lack of instruction and correction. A wife should receive clear instruction, and know bad behavior will land her in hot water. His spanking should be hard enough she will never want to get one.

While I could analyze reasons for a woman’s early resistance to spanking, and could provide more tips, I believe most important is that she knows she will overcome it, and that it is wrong to reject it. From the many stories I have heard, there is victory in the future for those who persist in their efforts. You’ll be on the other side of the hump, very grateful that you made it. You’ll be on a new plain, in which you find submission easier than before. If you’ve ever learned a new skill, like a language or a musical instrument, there are periods where your work and practice does not seem to pay off. You go through ups and downs and you wonder if you’ll ever get good. Then one day, almost by surprise, you’re on a whole new level, and can do the amazing, what formerly seemed like it was for the experts. You step into and enjoy that new ease of use. The only abject failures I’ve heard about in discipline are from those who stop trying, and likely had only half their heart in it to start. It is a matter of humbling yourself and persisting, and of the loving leadership and consistent discipline by the husband. You will be pleased with the greater peace you find once you grow past your resistance, and with the easy harmony you have as man and wife. Your body and mind will learn to follow your will  — which is to be truly submissive.


13 responses to “Making it Past Early Resistance”

  1. It is not by chance that the snake looked for Eve to pour out its poison, women have a natural extinct for sin, they are the devil’s favorite target, they are tempted all the time to sin.
    That’s why they need the constant protection and surveillance of a man, father or husband, and from the moment she marries, she becomes the husband’s responsibility.
    When Eve sinned, Adam was also punished and expelled from paradise, because he did not educate Eve properly, and was not there to stave off the temptation of the devil.
    So from the moment you get married and I need to be aware of any sign of sin tempting your wife, to protect her, and the devil has many names, laziness, lust, pride, gluttony.
    When the husband realizes that his wife has been touched by any of these demons, if he starts showing signs of laziness, lust, pride, gluttony, he should cleanse her immediately.
    Don’t be afraid to be a harsh husband, be afraid to be silent and distracted, it can cost you paradise
    Woman, if you have a strict husband, don’t complain, be grateful to have a man by your side, I attend to your education and his steps towards paradise

    1. Hello Ninna, That’s a good comparison to make. The protection that a man should be offering his wife is exactly what Adam should have been doing in the Garden. He should have been keeping Eve from evil influences, correcting her deceptions, and providing better teachings himself, rooted in the Word of God. Instead, all we see is that he was there, but he didn’t do anything to stop it. Then he even participated for reasons we do not know.

      A husband needs to know the vulnerability a woman has to being tempted, and being deceived. This means not only protecting her from sins and bad habits, but protecting her from evil spiritual influences, and false teachers. Those things abound, and abound in the churches as they do anywhere else. He needs to be aware if any of those influences are on her, and be prepared to protect her. He should take her away from false teachings and false teachers, and make sure that she is fed good food instead. Discipline definitely needs to be consistent, and there is a time for it to be strict.

      I do want to point out, it was not Adam who suffered the consequence of Eve’s sin. Rather, once Adam sinned, the entire human race suffered the consequences of HIS sin. That is because Adam is the head of the human race, so his children became corrupted and fell under condemnation. Eve alone could not have passed sin along to humanity, or to her husband, since she was not the head.

      The opposite of falling through Adam is what Christ accomplishes for us: through His perfect righteousness, He makes all who come to him pure, and brings them to peace with God. Where they were condemned in Adam, they have peace in Christ forever. As the head of the new humanity, His action, His accomplishment, at the cross and the resurrection, pass along to all of His children. We are not born of Him physically, but if we believe we are born again. Salvation comes with that new family. Our new Father does not sin.

    2. Tony Senex Avatar
      Tony Senex

      You say very well, Ninna. “Women have a natural instinct for sin…the devil has many names: laziness, lust, pride, gluttony. When the husband realizes that his wife has been touched by any of these demons he should cleanse her immediately.
      Saint words, Ninna! But at these times most husbands aren’t aware of their wives’ sins. Working all the day out they don’t know what their brides are doing at home. Are they busy in domestic chores or in long gossip with friends? Or are they busy in pleasant walking to centre wiggling their pretty buttocks? No husband inquires about and the devil is laughing.

  2. Hi Aron, thank you for your work here. Do you have any advice for a woman whose husband tends to both extremes you outline here? One who can tend toward harshness in his verbal corrections and reactions, but is lax with the discipline he has the authority to wield? I confess I sometimes have trouble keeping a soft heart in the face of his harsh words, and especially knowing he *could* discipline me physically instead of berating me. I also know I need to submit however he decides to correct me, but sometimes the verbal harshness gets a little rough to endure.

    Also, and only sideways related—do you have any advice or encouragement for a wife who has struggled since childhood with a particular behavior we have attempted to address with spanking… but in my case, my husband gets discouraged because I am not “cured”, says spanking doesn’t work (because I still struggle with the behavior) and stops addressing it that way for long periods of time. It’s a compulsive disorder I developed during a season of sexual abuse as a little kid—not necessarily a sin issue in and of itself, just a behavioral affliction that is very persistent and hard to defeat. My husband’s discipline has helped it more than anything in 20 years, but it has not cured it completely. He gets very discouraged with my occasional backsliding, and it’s starting to make him think that spanking is useless for everything because it has not completely cleansed me of this. I am very scared he’s going to stop entirely if I can’t show more progress! It took many years of trying to broach the topic before he was even willing to try this, and his willingness to continue feels tenuous at best. But like I said. It’s the only thing that has truly helped me have any victory (in addition to his help and attention toward the issue, of course). Being subject to his discipline for it makes me feel that he’s not abandoning me to face this trial alone. That he will lead and shepherd me through it. That he is caring for my body and well-being, even if it means stopping me from harming myself.

    I’m not certain that this letter would be appropriate for the public comment section, just because I don’t wish to cast any aspersions on my husband’s character at all. He is truly a very fine Christian man and a very strong leader, both at home and professionally. I just think the idea of physical discipline is still a bit taboo in his mind. He’s very strong and fit and is hesitant to discipline our children as well for fear of causing them harm. His own upbringing was not a healthy one regarding discipline and he is cautious about the whole business.

    This turned into a long question, I apologize. Thank you for your time and for your writing on this topic.


    1. Hello E, Thank you for sharing about your experience with discipline. I’m glad you have seen its value in your marriage. One can expect hurdles to get over, and it takes some time got adjust the manner of discipline to your needs. I am fine posting this, but if you’d like to talk at more length, please write me at my e-mail below or on the Contact page.

      A lecture certainly should be firm. If your husband if especially harsh with you, it is still good to receive it with grace, and seek to learn from it. No discipline is perfect, but the basic lessons are the same. Accept it with a humble heart, and let his words direct you, even if they seem harsh. Sometimes it is the strength of the words that let us see the seriousness of the wrong, whereas other words might merely point out the error. They help us see how ugly and destructive our actions are. This is true of sin in general, as we should all be able to see how wicked it is, and hate that sin. That’s why hard preaching can help convict us of sis, and why a strong lecture can do the same thing during discipline. It makes the point sink more deeply into the soul. If you honestly think his lecture is too harsh, or just mean, you can ask him gently at another time to do it in a more helpful manner. You can explain that you learn very well without a particularly harsh kind of language. The goal of discipline is to build up, not only tear down, or express anger.

      You also mention your husband considers giving up on discipline because of a particular compulsive habit you cannot completely break. I don’t believe a lack of perfection is a reason to cease discipline, especially where it is showing to be successful in other ways. Certain kinds of habits, including chemical addiction, aren’t so easily eradicated by punishment. However, if you have seen discipline help you, even if you’re not totally cured, that’s a sign of success.

      No one is perfect, but discipline does not promise perfection. It promises to aid a wife in submission, and help her behavior. It will never bring anyone to perfection. I think one thing you can do is look at attacking this compulsion through multiple means. Discipline is not the only tool available, so consider various approaches at once. If the habit simply doesn’t go away, perhaps you’ll have to live with it, which if it’s not very harmful is not the end of the world. I would not recommend giving up discipline entirely. But ultimately the choice is up to him.

      I hope that gives you some ideas on how to proceed. Keep persevering and growing in submission.


  3. As someone new to domestic discipline and newly getting over the resistance period, the journey is so difficult but worth every moment. Learning how to be submissive in a society that teaches women that is weak was also a factor alongside pride. My family background comes from assertive women, submissive men. I still have a long way to go. But I have learned the importance of giving myself fully. As much as I dread the pain from spanking, I have come to embrace it. I still get frequent spankings but net as many as before, spanking truly changed my negative habits for the better. Acknowledging that my own doings put me in that position and that being disciplined by my man is for the greater good is what gets me through each lesson. It was extremely difficult in the earliest of stages but my behaviour was horrendous and would have progressively gotten worse. Reinforcing my submission would have not been possible without DD. My goal is to be truly submissive one day. Your blog has helped me overcome some mental obstacles:)

    1. I’m very glad discipline has helped you so much, Alyssa. A woman in this society also has that challenge of overcoming her indoctrination, one that has only fed her pride, and taught her to despise submission as weakness. There is a full change of attitude and mind that goes along with learning submission. It is especially hard when there is that western cultural influences. You are good evidence that this change can happen, as are the many women who’ve become submissive wives after previously living in independence and false equality. Once her heart is humbled, a woman is in a place to grow. Then it takes perseverance and sacrifice, but it is worth all the effort.

      Very happy to be able to help you, Alyssa. Bless you and your family.

  4. Long Time Practitioner Avatar
    Long Time Practitioner

    One of the earliest things I insisted on with my 1st wife was no panties and a loose skirt at home. Also, a loose top with no bra. Her body was mine and I made sure that it was accessible to me at all times. Her first few spankings were met with some resistance but when she realized I meant business she settled down. She knew if she resisted it would be much worse, so she quickly learned to accept the spanking and other punishments that came with it. There is nothing wrong with a woman with a red bare bottom serving her husband properly and making him know that she is HIS. Making a young wife lay out the implements for her spanking leads to proper submissive behavior. I would have her kiss the strap before I used it on her trembling bottom and again after she was sobbing her apology. Having her fully naked after a good spanking is important to let her know that she is there to serve you. Her doing chores naked teaches her that her place is pleasing you Once you get her to where she knows that your word is law, she will become a better wife and serve you willingly at all times.

  5. My husband says that the wife only sins when the husband gives in to his leadership, so the Husband must be lovingly firm with the wife. for when the husband abandons his leadership, he deliberately affronts God, who has made him the head

    1. Hello Ninna, A husband certainly has the responsibility to oversee his wife’s behavior. That includes her growth in virtue and in godliness. He also protects her from influences that may be bad for her, and instructs her in the Word of God. However, even with good leadership, it is possible for a woman to sin, including in areas her husband simply does not see. She makes her own choices. She just needs to recognize it, as well as confess and repent of her sin. If the husband is doing her job, she will become more aware of areas she falls into temptation, and avoid them.

  6. Sophia Avatar

    Thinking of my beloved husband as the unquestioned leader of our home makes my heart swell with pride. He is an amazing man, and I am overjoyed to take my place under his wise authority. There’s nowhere on earth I’d rather be. But that doesn’t mean that being humbled and chastened before him is easy. I know that I need his guidance, but it’s still hard to admit I’ve done something wrong or given in to temptation. Harder still to brace myself for the painful spanking I know in my heart I deserve. While he has been firm in holding me accountable, he has shown me much love and patience as I am learning the lessons of a new bride. With his help, I will become a better woman.

    Thank you, Aron, for sharing with the husbands out there that not all ladies who show resistance are truly rebellious or a lost cause. They fear their man’s discipline, as they should, and there aren’t many examples out there to help them understand how to soften their hearts and live as a woman should. The world tells them they should fight back and resent their man for showing his strength. How dare he! Even the wives who fully embrace discipline as a concept may struggle to manage all of the new emotions that bubble up when facing the reality of a red hot bottom. It hurts, and it’s hard not to squeal and squirm at first. But blaming your husband is the lazy way out. There is peace in the aftermath, and you’ll soon see that your husband’s forgiveness is a wonderful balm that makes the struggle worthwhile. In time, if our husbands are consistent with us, we will all learn to stop struggling and give ourselves – eagerly and freely – to our men. In the end, this is what God wants for all women.

    1. You’re welcome, Sophie. I really appreciate the example you are setting for other women, and I know it will help some of them learn to be submissive wives, and unlearn much of what society has taught them. Receiving correction will always take humility. A humble wife will listen to her man and not struggle when she is corrected.

  7. I think there is a crisis today. Too many Christian couples have rejected the Biblical marriage. Many Christian husbands don’t or can’t exercise their God given authority. I see this in many Christian homes. God made men and women to have different roles. God gave Adam Eve to serve and obey him. Adam being weak allowed Eve to manipulate him. Adam is a good example of a man who failed to lead with the inevitable consequences.

    God also made women to be troublesome and disobedient unless they are properly punished from time to time. I am sure the Lord has his reasons for doing this. God commands men to love and protect our wives just as God commands women to fear and respect their husbands. God also commands servant leadership, one must put ones own welfare after the welfare of wife and children.

    In the best of worlds a young wife comes to the marriage understanding that she is leaving the authority of her father and coming under the authority of her husband. Unfortunately this is a far too rare situation. A new Christian Husband faces a great dilemma if his young wife doesn’t understand or accept her proper place. There will be trouble in the marriage. I know I grew up in such a home.

    Ideality a husband should establish his authority on the wedding night, the young bride should not end the day without a very sore behind. However, in most cases it’s only when it’s discovered that equality in the marriage only leads to strife and unhappiness do husband and wife seek to establish the proper order in the marriage. And this is why Aron’s site is so helpful.

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