Learn from Experienced Spanking Husbands

When I was new and growing as a spanking husband, I found I gained much from interaction with other husbands who disciplined their wives. No amount of bad material that is out there prevents us from finding some good advice, and it didn’t prevent me. I hope many of our readers, especially the men, are willing to learn from the experiences, and the advice of other men. It helped me to grow as the head of my home. That’s one reason I put myself out there before, and despite the fact that I now instruct and mentor others, I enjoy hearing what other men do, and am willing to try something new from time to time. It can be a breath of fresh air, and sometimes lets us see things anew. I strongly recommend taking good counsel.

Here are a few of the lessons I’ve learned from other men, or ones that affected my application of discipline:

The willingness to be consistent is one of the most basic lessons, and anyone who instructs in wife spanking ought to stress its importance. Consistency makes sure a wife knows what the rules are, and helps instill the lessons in the long run. She knows she will be punished for wrong. Spanking is not merely when you feel like it. It’s not when she did only the absolutely worst thing. Punishment will happen when she breaks the rules, and that’s because they matter. Anything a spanking teaches about submission, good attitude, or good behavior is made effective through making sure discipline is regular. If she knows she will not get spanked, believe me, things will become slack. She will feel free to do as she feels. She’ll be confused about the rules, even if she has good intentions. Do no be a lazy disciplinarian. In my own home, I am frequently tempted to forget about punishment. It can seem like a hassle if you are pressed for time, or just enjoying yourselves too much. Learning consistency has made me take my role more seriously, and treat it like a job.

I have also learned more about the importance of the post-spanking period of restoration. This is especially in the need to reconnect physically with your wife, and with tenderness. It is very important a humbled wife know your love, and know that she is fully restored in your eyes. She should be comforted. Where I formerly might have breezed through this period, I make sure there is plenty of reconnect and affection after the spanking.

One spanking husband led me to try out full nudity during punishment. Previously I typically had her bared only from the waist down for her session. It seemed right to have her fully nude for more serious punishments. it instills a greater sense of vulnerability, and of her belonging to me. These days I do both, but keep full undress for certain kinds of offenses, such as matters of disrespect or severe infractions. She knows she has it coming if she needs to be fully nude. There is nothing separating her from me.

Various spanking husbands have also led me to try out new instruments. The first, which nearly anyone new to discipline will learn about, is the silent loopy. It comes recommended primarily for silence, but carries much more of a sting than you’d expect. It’s a least favorite among wives. I was also led to start using the paddle, because it is recommended as a good instrument for severe offenses. That is what I keep it for. It carries a shock and awe effect as well. I’d say I use it less than once a year, but the paddle delivers what its reputation promises.

I have also benefited greatly from instructions not to give in to a wife’s excuses before a spanking. Many husbands, including myself, find it tempting to be compassionate when compassion is not deserved, or to shy away from spanking a wife who is clearly distraught over her fate. But in line with our understanding of consistency, we also have to know that very rarely are there good excuses for her misbehavior. They are just that. Excuses. She knew it was wrong, you had told her before, and now she wants to turn attention away from that to avoid being spanked. She wants to make it look less than it is. That can’t happen.

Similarly, it was other men who helped me learn that her tears are not a sign you are doing anything wrong. Usually they are a sign she is bothered by her guilt, she’s feeling ashamed, and she doesn’t want to be humbled by a spanking. She’s not looking forward to what’s coming. All of that is natural, but she needs to face what is coming, because she earned it by her actions. It will also make things better, and cleanse her. It will return her to submission and easy any friction between you. I always make sure to be steady, and have my eyes on my goal. I am a man who takes no excuses, and my wife has learned that.

As you again your own experience as a husband leading in discipline, you will develop plenty of your unique ways of doing things. You will arrange your discipline sessions according to what works for you, and what you see is effective for your wife. You will try out new things You’ll change over time. I still do occasionally. Your own learning will also help you filter out the bad, and take in the good, as you learn from the spanking husbands, and other people online. Those who have made it work for years can comment with depth into nearly any matter in leading your wife. Use that resource for its value, and in time you will be able to help guide others as they grow.

I’d like to invite husbands who wish to meet a male mentor, or a more experienced spanking husband, to comment below. You’re welcome to leave your contact information for those you’d like to meet. I have heard from readers who connected with female mentors and possible spouses through two other pages I put up, and I hope this one allows men to successfully meet and help other men. Just be wary of any weirdness or immorality that comes up on discipline websites. But accept the legitimate variety you will hear. Be blessed in your growth by other men.


49 responses to “Learn from Experienced Spanking Husbands”

  1. Wondering Avatar

    Okay, you don’t have to post what I say, if you don’t want to. I just wanted to make a quick comment.
    First of all, I don’t even know if it’s my place to say anything, considering I’m not a man. But one thing you said, kind of made me think. You said you tend to want to be compassionate when she doesn’t deserve it. Well, immediately I thought “I’m glad Jesus was compassionate when I didn’t deserve it.” Now I’m not saying what you do is wrong. In the very short time we’ve had it in our marriage, I can see spanking is a helpful tool. I just think that there needs to be a definite balance. I’m thinking, and I may be wrong, but… if a wife is truly remorseful for what she’s done, and really doesn’t want to do it again and asks not to be spanked, maybe you should consider it. Now if it’s ongoing and a constant problem, by all means: correct her. But if she’s repented already, and God has forgiven her, to be like Jesus, I’m thinking you should too. And with that, I will be quiet and wait for people to tell me why I’m wrong. 😂

    1. Hello Wondering, Thank you for your comment. The meaning of mercy is fair to point out. What I mean is that in the normal course of discipline, if a man was swayed by tears, or emotional pleas to get out of punishment, he’d never be able to give consistent punishment at all. He has to be firm, and give discipline when needed.

      The salvation offered at the cross is rightly portrayed as freely given. We did nothing to deserve it. But remember, Jesus himself promises to chastise his children, so we know His mercy in the cross does not mean he leaves us to sin without punishment. It is only now that the relationship is Father to son, and the punishment is temporary and will refine us.

      I do speak about when forgiveness might come into play in this article here: https://spankingyourwife.com/2020/08/26/discipline-and-forgiveness/

      There is doubtless a time to show mercy when it’s not deserved, but it can’t be the norm for discipline. Otherwise there would be no discipline. Mercy is a special event, according to the wisdom and discretion of the husband. A wife needs to be accountable for her behavior, and corrected for serious wrongdoing.

      However, it is natural that more minor wrongs fall easily into being forgotten without punishment, or washed away with a short talk. Punishment is for real infractions, and not passing mistakes.

      I hope that fully addresses your concerns.

      1. Wondering Avatar

        Yes. I totally understand that. It makes sense. Thank you for writing back.

    2. Mr. FS Avatar

      I just want to drop a note of encouragement to “Wondering”. From your notes on some posts here, you seem to be open to growing into a Godly, submissive, disciplined wife. You ask questions (which is fine) but importantly you seem to have the right attitude when asking these questions. You take instruction, you listen, and from your responses in the previous article – you have grown and are willing to humble yourself – diligently working to please your husband and overcome some wrong ingrained habits/thoughts etc.

      There’s a variety of wives and husbands on this site, all in different stages. Learn from their comments, reread old posts and post new questions, and learn from Aron and you will continue to see results. Your honesty as you have started to grow is refreshing and deserving of encouragement as you continue your journey.

      1. Wondering Avatar

        Thank you. I appreciate that!

    3. Wondering it’s my opinion that all disobedience , disrespect or pride needs to be punished. It’s quite unremarkable that a wife facing a painful spanking will profess remorse and she may even really feel remorse. But if a husband fails to punish disobedience disrespect or pride she can’t help but think she can get away with this bad behavior by professing remorse in the future. This can lead to an escalation of bad behavior and the need for a more severe correction later. So in my opinion, a husband does his wife no favor by forgoing punishment for disobedience , disrespect or pride.

    4. I think part of the problem with this is that it is so open to manipulation by the wife. Maybe she can put on some convincing display of remorse and the husband shows her mercy, but has she really learned her lesson or has she just learned that acting remorseful saves her from a sore backside? The husband would have to be very good at reading his wife and knowing when she is being genuinely contrite and when she is merely acting the part to save her own skin.

      Also, if you think of the criminal justice system – an offender may be very remorseful for their crime and the judge may take this into account and show them leniency by giving a shorter sentence. But does he let them away with the crime altogether, because the person is genuinely sorry? Certainly not, and nor should he. The remorse may make one more lenient, but the fact remains that the person erred and needs to be punished for their wrongdoing.

      That’s the way I see it with my wife anyway. It is not that i expect perfection, she is only human after all, but rather that when she does stray from the correct path, I am there to lead her back to righteousness. Of course I forgive her misdeed, not to do so would be hypocritical of me, but I ensure she is taught a lesson to prevent it being repeated.

      Please note, most of us men hold ourselves to even higher standards than we do our wives. I see it as my job to set her a good example and be a righteous leader, and i do so by modelling the behaviour I would want to see from her.

  2. Epaster Avatar

    I have been spanking my wife for 27 years. Although she doesn’t like being spanked, she understands that it helps her to be the wife she desires to be. She has learned to behave and rarely needs to be spanked today.

    I would be glad to discuss my experience and mentor men who are facing the challenges of leading their household.

    epaster49@g mail.com

    1. Thank you for your offer to help other men. I have found the same thing to be true with my wife.

  3. Great article. I have been spanking my wife for many years as well, about a decade. I have learned so much from other husbands, including the creator of this website. The most valuable lessons I have learned include:
    1. Consistency – Nothing worse than coming home after a long day at work and realizing my wife needs a spanking. In the early days, I could be lax. Now, if she needs a spanking, she will most definitely get one. Like you said, treat discipline like a job.

    2. The importance of nudity – For years, she was only spanked with her panties around her ankles, now she is often punished in the nude. It is humbling and embarrassing. My wife hates it, yet knows why she must do this. One husband only allows his wife to wear her wedding ring and I have followed his advice.

    3. The importance of cornertime. It is just as important as the spanking. It is a childish punishment and forces my wife to ponder her fate and more importantly, reflect and display her spanked behind to me afterwards.

    4. The importance of tears – This doesn’t mean you are spanking her too hard. But be careful, make sure her tears are real and sincere. My wife always cries during her post spanking cornertime, not during her spanking or strapping.

    5. The importance of comfort. Your wife needs to know she is still loved and cherished after she has disappointed you. She is forgiven and move on. A thank you blowjob is always required once my wife is finished her cornertime. It may seem one sided but I think it shows my continued desire for her. Sexual submission is important. Practice it, request it and demand it, it will keep that spark in your marriage going.

    6. Have a hierarchy of punishments. Don’t spank for every little infraction. Sometimes, my wife will just have to either write lines and/or stand in the corner for an infraction that is minor but I still believe aome punishment is required. Also very the severity if your spankings. You decide how severe the infraction is and administer an appropriate punishment.

    There is so much more I could say, but these are the basics that I have learned. For novice spankers, if you punish your wife consistently and thoroughly, you will find spankings become less frequent and your marriage will thrive. Hang in there boys, my wife spent the first year with a very sore behind. Now, she gets spanked maybe once every few months. A huge improvement! You may seem overwhelmed at the beginning, but trust me, you will be remarkably pleased.

    1. Those are some very good, helpful points. Thank you, Mark.

  4. My mentor was my father in law. I really knew nothing at all about Male headship and the use of spankings to discipline a wife before I married. His guidance was immensely important to our marriage which was on the brink of failure before I utilized physical correction, something I resisted for almost a year after our marriage. . Even though my wife was raised to be submissive and obedient I was not able to maintain order without the use of spankings I have come firmly to believe every Christian wife must from time to time be disciplined with a good bottom warming. I don’t believe a wife can be obedient and submissive unless she knows there will be real consequences for misbehaving.

  5. Dinesh Avatar

    Hello everyone. This is Dinesh from India. I got married last year. My young wife needs to learn a lot. She gets disciplined often. I’d like to hear from other husbands. ysd20214eva@hotmail.com

    1. Dinesh I don’t think it’s unusual for a newly wed wife to need to be corrected more often at the beginning of the marriage . In some ways this is her training period she needs to learn and accept the boundaries you establish. I am guessing based on your culture she had good training growing up. I think you must be patient but strict with her. When I first began spanking my wife there was a period of time when her behind was marked almost all the time.

      1. Dinesh Avatar

        Bob, Thanks for your reply. Yes, my wife has had good training growing up. She knows what’s expected. Sometimes, she tends to slip though. A couple of months ago, I had to administer a severe thrashing for doing things behind my back when I was out of the country for work and disrespecting my parents, who live with us.

  6. Richard Avatar

    Hello everyone. Thank you very much Mr. Aron for creating such a helpful blog. I also thank your readers for comments containing many valuable advice. My name is Richard and I’m 28 years old. Soon I will be a happy husband of my beloved fiancée. I really like the approach to marriage and living together described in this place. I have always valued traditional roles of both women and men. Although we both come from liberal houses with my fiancée, we both believe in the strength of a traditional home, in which everyone fulfills in what he was created for. Together, we agreed that we would accept this model of life. My fiancee knows that she will have to quit her job and take care of the house in full -time. And I am prepared for the fact that I will have to take responsibility for supporting my family. Because we both do not have experience (as I mentioned we come from liberal families) I need tips because I have many doubts. On the blog I read a lot of articles and comments on punishment and sex, but I lack information about ordinary matters related to everyday life. I do not know to the end how much I can afford to impose my future wife of my vision of living together, so that it is not received for too much control. Therefore, I have some specific questions:
    1. My fiancée has many friends, both women and men. Should I decide who she could meet with?
    2. Does the wife have the right to use the Internet without restrictions? I am asking because there is a lot of content that can negatively affect the proper attitude of my wife. Do I have the right to control her laptop, e -mails she writes? Should I agree to unlimited use of a smartphone? Or maybe I should buy her phone only with the possibility of calling and sending text messages ..
    3. The same applies to watching movies and series in which a woman usually rules, at best there is equality … I have not found a film describing traditional roles, without violence, showing the beauty of such a relationship.
    4. I have a lot of uncertainty about money in marriage. Should my wife have access to my account or should I control expenses on a regular basis? Can a wife have her own account? What about her savings she brings to marriage? To be honest, I would prefer to control what my wife is buying and not let her put her own money. But will it not be economic violence?
    I know that these questions may seem strange but they cause me uncertainty that I would not like to have when leading my family. There are more such doubts .. I am asking you to answer my inquiries of experienced husbands who would like to share information on how it works at their homes. Wives’ comments are also welcome, as it looks like from their point of view. Thank you in advance …. Regards everyone

    1. Hello Richard, You’re welcome. I’m very glad you find the articles helpful. I have a few articles that get into the outworking of headship, and what it pertains to broadly, but most articles stick to the general focus of discipline. Feel free to message me if you’d like to discuss how headship works out in other ways. It’s great you care about those things.

      1. As part of the Christian life, it is important to avoid people that lead you into temptation, or otherwise bring impurity into your lives. There is a unique call to preach the Gospel to those people, but certainly not to simply socialize with them, as a matter of course. So naturally, if there is company that proves to be a bad influence on your wife, in any regard, you have a right and responsibility to make sure she stays away from them. She ought to know to do that herself, but if she does not, you need to be aware, and use your authority to protect her from those influences. Bad influences also include much popular entertainment and literature, which adds nothing, pollutes the environment, and temps many people to sin. Many bad influences come in the form of worldly, liberal Christian material, so I never give the pass to something just because it says it’s Christian.

      2. Your wife does not have a proper “right” to use the internet without restrictions. Even if it were only you, it would be best to have some filter, to protect yourself. Naturally also, you’ll have children, and they will need to be protected. I would definitely put some level of filter on your internet, although the really strict ones can make it difficult to access normal material.

      3. I already made mention of popular media and literature above, but sure, I don’t recommend spending any serious amount of time with movies and TV shows. Perhaps the occasional had picked one is fine, but don’t just turn it on regularly and let it go. We don’t even own a television. Not only is it a gross waste of time, but it usually promotes a terrible worldview, and often celebrates immorality. I think you can find other ways to spend the time with your family that are edifying spiritually, physically, and intellectually.

      4. Because marriage is the union of two into one, it is normal to work with a shared bank account. In theory you could have your own, and give your wife a card to it, but I have no problem working with a shared one. My wife has many responsibilities that involve spending some amount of money. I really don’t care to micro-manage that. She knows how to spend money responsibly, and without going to excess. She also has to ask me for any large, or out of the ordinary purchases. Otherwise, she has access any time she wants to our accounts. I don’t think I’ve ever had to punish her for going outside of those bounds. It has worked out well. Perhaps with a wife who is less that responsible, it would require more oversight or control, but I’ve never seen the need.

      I hope that helps add insight to leading your home. They’re all great questions. Over time you will develop your own standards, and ways to apply them. Some of those are judgment calls where you simply decide what is best as you see it. You have the authority to do it. No need to doubt.

      Be blessed.

    2. Wondering Avatar

      Hello Richard, I am not a man, but I have some opinions since I’ve been a wife for many years. And although I can tell you want to protect your wife, and keep your home in order, I want to implore you to consider her. Yes, women are to submit to their husbands. I totally believe that. The husband is the head of the home. But really, you ARE marrying another adult. And marriage is more than a servant/master relationship. You and your wife should become one. One bank account, one vision for the home, living in one accord. Yes, I understand that sometimes disagreements happen and the man needs to be the final decision maker. But hopefully, that is after he considers everything his wife is trying to say. We are created to be helpmeets to our husbands. We aren’t just adult-sized kids who don’t know how to behave or what’s right or what’s going on. Many of us are intelligent and can be trusted in watching the right things, not spending too much money, caring what our husbands think, etc. I don’t know why a man would marry a woman unless he believed that to be true. We are ALL sinners, men and women. We ALL need a Saviour, but when we do get saved, the Holy Spirit lives in women just as much as in men. God gave us different roles, but we aren’t just mindless people who need their lives completely controlled by anyone. I mean, God did an excellent job of leading, guiding, and directing me, before I got married and He’s still on the throne.
      But what I wanted to say was from my own experience. Many years ago, my husband… ahem… wasn’t very nice to me. He has since changed and I’m very thankful. But one of the things he would do, is keep money from me. Now I wasn’t spending money like crazy or anything, but for whatever reason, he decided that since he earned the money, he should be the one spending it. He canceled my debit card one time without even talking to me about it. I had little kids who needed food and to go to the doctor. The way it made me feel… ugh… it wasn’t good. I didn’t feel loved, or protected.
      I don’t think there is anything wrong with a man disciplining his wife out of love and for the good of the home. But when he gets to be dictating and controlling, the wife may obey… and she should, but I’m telling you, it will hurt her deeply. You’re not going to get as much out of your marriage if you’re not LOVING her like Christ loved the church. I am not saying to give her her way and for her to run the house. I’m saying you need to love, cherish, and consider her as a person, YOUR person, your helpmeet. Don’t treat her like she is not smart enough to know right from wrong. Talk to her, tell her what you expect, then TRUST her to do what’s right. There. That’s my 2 cents. You can do with it whatever you want. 😂

      1. Husbands aren’t perfect either but this is the best of all ways I’ve seen.

      2. jmcb1429 Avatar

        Exacly! Marriage is not a dictatorship. If my wife breaks the rules, she gets spanked, not beaten. She don’t write lines (she’s not a student), she’s not sent bed early (she’s not a child) and the money I make is OUR money (she win’s it too by doing her chores at home). She is not my slave, I love her and respect her. I want her to be happy, not afraid.

      3. Your comment is very valuable to the discussion! I am happy to read that you have overcome this specific problem – it could have been much worse. There are men with personal problems who should not marry at all and girls should be very careful!

    3. wiola Avatar

      Hello Richard. Talk to your future wife what she agrees with and set rules and boundaries with her. I am in dd but still work part-time professionally. a wife does not have to quit her job to be an obedient wife. My husband says a wife should go out and work. It doesn’t limit my time on the internet or check my phone. We have a joint account from which I pay bills and food, but I also have my own, which is affected by my salary. My husband doesn’t know how much I earn and what I spend. It is important that there is always something to save from his account. I work in an insignificant job. I’m just a cashier in a store, but it allows me to go out with people and spend some time with customers. I don’t work with men so My husband is not jealous. He knows that I work for my retirement or that in case of his illness I will help support the family. I’m a normally living woman but I know I have to obey my husband and be a good wife. If necessary, he will give me a spanking, although he does not like it. We have rules and boundaries that must be followed, but no exaggeration. I am not a prisoner at home and I am not checked every step of the way. Everyone needs a little freedom and trust in a relationship. Such complete bondage is tiring and can lead to divorce. Talk honestly with your woman and settle down every detail before you get married, especially since now she is liberated and free and comes from such a family. She can only think she wants so much control. With us, it is enough to be beaten for bad behavior, disrespect, sulks, lies, etc. I would not want and would not agree to more control.

    4. Kathy Avatar

      Hello Richard,
      the cellphone problem, my old time-killer.
      I probably got a dozen or so spankings and my cellphone taken away for days or even months at a time for spending too much time on it or gossiping too much on social media. It got better when I changed to a “feature phone” that provides calling an text messages and nothing else. There are some rules I have to follow: Keeping it with me all the time when my husband isn’t around – his calls must not go unanswered – and waiting for his permission (usually a short nod) to pick it up when in his presence, and keeping my calls very short in that case.
      I can use the internet on our laptop, and I don’t think that my husband checks the browsing history or applies any filters. Sometimes I lose that privilege when punished – “grounded”.
      I recommend not to micromanage your wife, she’s an adult and she enters into that relationship of her own will – trust her. Nonetheless I see a benefit of some strict rules in a limited set of areas, just as a constant reminder to be submissive and obedient in everyday life. Examples my be clothing (I have to wear a long dress and a cardigan at all times and an apron (with ruffles!) whenever at home), going out (I have to get my husband’s permission to leave the house – usually via text message), eating (I wait for my husband to start eating before I pick up the fork and I put it away when he stops, and on weekdays, when he’s been at work, I will wait on him at the dinner table (handing him food, pouring his drinks, serving him in whatever he requires) and have my own dinner later in the kitchen). These things are sometimes a bit uncomfortable, but they are a good, constant reminder, that my comfort isn’t the thing that matters most. In that way they have probably saved me quite some spankings.

    5. Hi Richard, I don’t know if I am a bit too late to the party with my comments, but I just wanted to add some thoughts. My wife and I have been very happily married for 18 years and there are a few things that I wish I had known at the start.

      You’re absolutely right to be thinking about bad influences and the sort of company your wife keeps. Foolishly my instinct was to allow my wife to keep her female friends, provided she got rid of the males. After a while I realised how unhelpful this was. Some of the male friends were upstanding members of the community, whilst some of the females. Well, the less said about them the better. So we had some joint socialising and I reflected on the quality of each of her friends. In the end we cut out 2 men and 3 women, but kept the rest. Male and female. My point is, if possible look at each person individually and don’t presume male friends are bad and female friends are good.

      My wife is allowed a set amount of screen time per day. I do check her devices, to make sure she’s stuck to it and it only takes a few sessions over my knee to make her aware of the importance of sticking to her limits.

      More importantly, I conduct random spot checks of her phone, ipad and our shared laptop. I check her browser history (which she is not allowed to delete under any circumstances) and if there is anything I deem inappropriate then she gets severely punished. I have toyed with the idea of fitting a tracker on her phone, but I think this seems a bit heavy handed, as the spot checks seem to be sufficient.

      My wife has to get my explicit permission before starting to watch a new TV series, in case it’s unsuitable. Same goes for books and films. She can read certain categories freely, eg craft or cookery books, but most novels I do tend to screen first, just in case. She has defied me massively with her TV viewing once and she had a month of sleeping on her stomach as a result. She watched the TV series Supernatural, which is incredibly ungodly. She knows better than that, but she defied me. I made damn sure this was a one-off.

      My advice is definitely that it’s better to have one very severe punishment for an offence, than a thousand mild punishments, as she keeps repeating the same mistakes. You don’t ever want her to think “I will just take the spanking, it’s fine”. This is both disrespectful to you and a sign that she needs to be given far more severe punishments and also some maintenance punishments.

      It doesn’t always have to be spanking. We use corner time, lines, a physical challenge (eg 100 sit ups), washing her mouth with soap and water and a hot tongue, where I will literally put pepper, chilli or anything else burning hot in her mouth and make her hold it for a certain period (no water for a short time too, obviously just 20 minutes or so). Spanking is most effective when it is not the go-to punishment, but rather one weapon in your arsenal.

      As regard the money – my wife is allowed to make purchases freely up to a certain amount, and then we have a conversation about it when it is more expensive. I think you’re right that, unless she has a past of maxing out credit cards or consistently buying extravagant things, it is bordering on financial abuse to restrict her access to money.

      We do spot checks of a lot of things. The tech devices, as I said above, and also her body eg is she shaven, are her fingernails short, is she wearing matching underwear (which is my preference and therefore one of our rules). Spot checks on the house eg are the skirting boards clean, how about that high shelf, etc. It is a really useful way of keeping her in line, as she never knows when a spot check will be.

      Overall remember that you’re not trying to crush her spirit or subsume her character that you fell in love with in the first place. You are trying to gently guide her through life and keep her on a Godly path. Good luck to you both.

      1. Chili powder or hot pepper in the mouth can overwhelm the respiratory system and cause the person to die. Children have died being punished this way, and so can adults. A young college adult died this way while goofing around with chili powder in his mouth. I cannot believe you would use this horrible method to so risk the well being of someone you supposedly love.

    6. Ninna Avatar

      Richard, my husband says that is obligation to husband keep wife on the right path, so I am not allowed to access content on the internet or television without his prior authorization, he says that leaving his wife free in current media is equivalent to abandoning his unprotected wife in the ocean open, and that would be a very serious sin. the same goes for friendships, I’m not allowed for anything that isn’t considered entirely Christian.

  7. Off topic but idk where to post it!

    April 8th has long past, but I thought it was important to note that you have been consistently providing valuable information for two years, so Happy Anniversary to Spank Your Wife! Thank you for your dedication to this site and the development of biblical marriage.

    I also wondered if others may benefit, as I would, from a blank Q&A post where miscellaneous comments or questions could be left and checked periodically.

    And finally, rather than going through all the posts to find new comments, is there a way to get each new comment via email as they are posted without having to request it in each article? I have found that some of Aron’s best thoughts are in replies to readers.

    Thanks. Please feel free to put this where it belongs or respond privately if you think it shouldn’t be a public inquiry.

    1. Hello Demhi, Thanks for writing. I was just thinking about that. It has been just over two years now. I love that the website is able to reach so many people with the message if gender roles and discipline, even beyond my expectations. I’m honored that you noticed.

      I think a Q&A post, which invites readers to ask and answer questions, would be a good idea. I have a backlog of articles now, but send me a message later to remind me and I’ll do it in the future.

      I do not know of any way to get updates about comments, except if you comment, and then request to receive a notice. However, I’m not aware of every function that WordPress has, so perhaps there is another.

      I appreciate that you find my thoughts in the comments useful. Some of them do get detailed and involved.

      Take care.

  8. I can relate a bit of an unusual circumstance with regard to mentoring. I grew in a Christian home but my dad was never able to control my mom who had a biting tongue, and could be willful. She was a true believer and I think in her heart she saw herself as an obedient wife . When I began courting Jane It was quite a revelation how openly submissive her mother was compared to my mom. . A short time before we married her father had a talk with me about male headship and the use of physical correction in marriage I had already learned that Jane was spanked by her dad during our courtship and to my shock Jane told me that her mother was no stranger to the strap her dad had either. Frankly at the time I thought this was barbaric. So while I was not shocked by Jane’s dad talk I knew that spanking my wife was not a practice I would follow, or so I thought.

    I have related elsewhere here how this changed but change it did. I didn’t keep the fact that I spanked Jane from my parents and my dad never expressed any criticism about this , in fact he was very interested in this practice. Being a convert to the practice of domestic discipline of wives because it was very successful in insuring Jane’s obedience and submission and knowing the situation with my mom I suggested to my dad that maybe there might be a similar benefit for their marriage if he adopted this practice. Unfortunately he could never take that first step which I think would have resulted in harmony in his marriage. My mom wasn’t any kind of feminist and she did , based on her Christian beliefs , accept her place as an obedient wife, but without real consequences she tended to misbehave. This is why I have come to believe no Christian wife should be a stranger to a good bottom warming when needed, and I think, it’s always needed sometimes

  9. A Faithful Husband Avatar
    A Faithful Husband

    I’m not usually one to make a public comment, but I feel compelled by God to join this group of men helping each other to take control of their wives and their marriages. We live in a world where a man might be arrested for taking responsibility for his wife’s behavior and the fate of her eternal soul. We need to show our support and share ideas with one another. I’ve learned things from Aron I might not have thought to try on my own, and I look forward to becoming an even better husband in the years to come as I learn more from other experienced husbands. My wife and I have been married for nearly a year, and though I didn’t fully understand my duty to discipline her at first, God made sure I saw the light soon enough. I can’t say enough about how our marriage has been strengthened in the months since. She respects me now on a level far deeper than anything I ever saw before I started holding her accountable. I’m still in the early phases of training her, and her rear end has been red far more often than I would have thought such a meek and Christian bride would require. It’s all new to me, though, which is why I’m here. I thought her wedding vows alone would guarantee obedience, but she’s still a woman, and she needs to be punished sometimes to help the rules sink in. I’ve stepped up now, and as long as I’m on this earth, I’ll keep giving her what she needs.

    As far as lessons learned, I agree that you’ve got to be consistent, even with all of her tears and excuses. That was a tough one for me sometimes, seeing how sorry she was when she knew what she had coming. But I believe now the best way I can show my love is to say honey, you knew better. Now bend over. And I’m not easy on her. There’s no point in spanking if it’s not something she fears. But I make sure to love on her afterwards and let her know she’s still my girl. I didn’t marry her so I could spank her. That’s not the point. I spank her so I can keep hold of the sweet and lovely bride I married. Letting her show me just how sorry she feels is just as important as that spanking. The marriage bed is built for both.

    If you’ve got tips for new husbands, I’d love to hear them. Blessings to you all.

    1. Thank you for your comment. I’m happy to hear you have brought discipline into your new marriage. I hope you continue to learn and grow as the head of your home, through this website, and through other husbands. Your wife is blessed to have you leading and loving her.

  10. For me, it’s definitely not doing things I’ve committed to do. I am quite soft hearted and submissive, but I can find ways to waste time without realizing it’s happening! I made a checklist and that seems to help me keep track of what I need to get done. It needs to be completed before my husband gets home, too, so I can focus on him.

    1. Wrong post! That’s for the poll 😭 Sorry!

  11. I love this post. I’ve come here a few times to see what people say, especially for Aaron’s advice. But I’ve been searching for other men to give me advice for a while.
    One thing I’ve struggled with is when she’s crying and struggling because it is indeed painful, and part of me starts feeling bad (after 30 spanks let’s say) but I know I’m still upset and feel like she deserves more and I want to do more. So I stop? Or should I go till I feel the lesson will be best retained?

    Also I’ve struggled with punishment ideas. I do corner time and lines. But I’ve heard people recommend early bedtime, or grounding, or spending limit/tv restrictions. But she isn’t someone that helps for. She barely does stuff, and honestly what mom doesn’t want an early bedtime!

    1. Thank you for your comment, Abe. I know there are a number of men here who could give you advice on that subject, or any other you’d like to talk about. You can also leave your contacts if you’d like to write in private.

      I definitely recommend spanking until you find the punishment is complete enough to fit the crime, and until you see that your wife is contrite. A spanking is meant to hurt, and should be an experience she does not wish to repeat.

      Crying is natural for a woman, and can be good for her during punishment. Don’t let it stop you.

      Take care.

    2. Abe based on what you write it seems your wife isn’t diligent in doing her chores. But before I offer what I hope will be helpful advice for you let me second Aron’s advice. It’s common I think for husbands just beginning physical correction of a disobedient wife to be ineffective in correction. She needs a proper correction or she will not learn Its seems to me that based on what you write that your wife was not properly trained by her parents in her domestic duties. If this behavior persists spanking , though a necessary part of her correction will not be enough. After her correction I suggest you have redo whatever chore she was remiss in doing. . In rare cases when I was forced to correct Jane for this she is never allowed to get dressed to do the chore and Jane is always punished nude. Keeping her behind bare will make it easy for you to lay the strap on , or whatever you use to spank her, during her chore if she exhibits bad performance or any laziness. You are essentially training her this way. Don’t hesitate to give her short corrections like this if she is not doing her chores to your standards. Since it’s likely her parents failed to train her this becomes your job. You don’t need to give her more than a few good swats on her behind, she will quickly put some effort in her work. Also , you may want to send her to bed without supper, she may want to be in bed early but she will want to avoid being sent to bed without supper. I also use more corner time after her chores have been properly done so she can think about why she really should do her chores correctly. Of course be reasonable, she doesn’t have to be punished and shouldn’t be punished for minor lapses. I hope this helps

    3. If she’s struggling too much, deliver those first 30 spanks a few at a time and then pause before her body fully reacts. Once she has more acclimated you can deliver the full spanking (starting from zero. ) She will probably cry more in the second half of her spanking and be sore for at least another day, and experience a fuller measure of the contrition and obedience that follows thorough discipline.

    4. Mr. FS Avatar


      I think husbands would be happy to offer more advice beyond what Aron has said, but we’d need more details of both the areas of disobedience and also your methods of discipline. For example is your wife disrespectful with her speech and actions? Does she do no chores? Work outside the home? Raise children? Watch TV nonstop? Spend money unwisely? Maybe not list them all but too 3-5? As well, do you discipline with corner time, privilege loss, reflection time, weekly or daily maintenance/check-in, weekly oral training? A fuller picture will help us provide more advice.

    5. Ninna Avatar

      A good husband is not the merciful husband of his wife’s bad behavior, nor does he lapse in his obligations, the punishment must always be difficult, tears, requests for forgiveness and promises of future good behavior will not help, the work on my uncovered a– continues until he’s fully dyed and on fire, to remember what happens to wayward wives.

  12. COHEN Avatar

    hello, I recently got married, we are both young, I have been facing difficulties with my wife’s behavior, she doesn’t work outside the home, but also often doesn’t do her work at home, and this weekend I didn’t want to go to church service, I believe that this site is advice from the most experienced will be useful to me
    if anyone has any advice feel free to write me, cohendavi7@gmail.com

    1. Congratulations on your young marriage. I hope you find the right way to manage your wife’s behavior from now on, and start to turn things around. Discipline has been key in ending a wife’s bad behavior in many marriages. However, it does not act by itself. You are welcome to write me as well if you’d like to discuss the situation personally. Blessings.

  13. Wondering Avatar

    This is a very good group! It is easy to stay anonymous and have good discussions with people who are living this lifestyle. I’ve already made some good friends on there and recommend it to anyone who wants to know more about domestic discipline.

  14. I have enjoyed your group. It is quite nice to interact in real time with people who live out this dynamic. General conversations with people who feel free to ask discipline questions out of the blue and get feedback or input has been helpful. It has helped me stay focused outside of the stimulation of Aron’s twice a month articles. I have met some very nice and interesting people, too! Thanks for setting up the group!

  15. I’m a husband who’s spanked for twenty years and totally blew it. It drove a wedge between us that I wonder now will ever be removed. I overdid it probably in a lot of ways, we have six kids two of whom are grown and my wife has commented on here before. I’ve found out a lot of things she’s resented me for over the past twenty years just in a couple weeks’ time and she was quiet and kept her mouth shut about all of this forever and most of the time I figured things were fine because I got plenty of outward compliance. I’ve learned that doesn’t mean a thing. Her heart is as cold as a block of ice towards me now.

    1. This is one of the more serious examples of a misuse of discipline, along with other troubles in a marriage. Discipline is not to be taken apart from love, spiritual guidance, and care for a wife’s soul a husband offers her. Nor should it be extremely punitive, and turn small problems into offenses to be punished. It has to be applied with wisdom and love, which reflect the love in the marriage.

      An overdose of discipline does not help a woman learn true submission, but at best teaches her mere obedience, while her heart remains unchanged, and her heart may be anything but submissive. Such a strained situation takes a long time to develop, but it can be healed through faithfulness to God, love, and intimacy.

      It is best, after being much misused, to at least put a pause on discipline.

  16. Hello,
    I am a single Christian woman who is looking for the type of relationship I’ve read about here in these comments. So I would like first to say I’m very glad to know there are such relationships because sadly I was not raised like this.
    Because of my lack of knowledge, please forgive me if my question seems offensive. I do not mean to offend in any way. I am truly asking only to gain knowledge.
    My question is: what happens when the husband makes an error or mistake? I have read about the discipline of wives to help them learn, and to teach them to be submissive. I am wholely for this, by the way, and look forward to finding someone who will lead me in this way! But I know that the only perfect being to walk this Earth was Jesus. Therefore husbands also make mistakes. Can someone please discuss how this is addressed?
    Thank you for your help in explaining and educating me. I look forward to learning from everyone here.

    1. Hello Sharon, Thank you for visiting my website and for your question. I’m glad you can see the value in being led and spanked in marriage. For those looking for marriage, I also have a page in which singles can leave their contacts:

      The man is the head of the home, and if he does something wrong, it is not the place of the wife to correct him. She may offer advise, and voice her opinion, but she cannot correct him. He either learns from the Lord, from male friends, or from civil authorities if he actually breaks the law. One reason for encouraging male mentorship in leading the wife is that other men can help to correct men who are making poor choices, or doing things wrong. Their example alone, if they are mature in the faith and experienced in marriage, is itself a good guide for another man. In my experience, most mistakes are either passing or minor. Men who really are committed to wrongdoing are not that common, and those who do wrong in one area, are usually doing right in many others.

      As a wife you will have to be patient if you are unhappy with something your husband does. Know that he is still your head, and you need to obey him. You ought to be grateful for all he does for you, despite his flaws. You cannot tell him what to do, or be disrespectful to him. Trust that over time he will learn through the methods that I have mentioned.

      I hope you find a man who will lead and love you for life.

      Thank you.

  17. I am helping to start a new Group on Telegram for men and women to discuss Christian Domestic Discipline and supporting couples in their CDD journey.

    If you would like to be invited to the group, you may email me at epaster 49 @ gmail.

    Remove the spaces in the address above and add the appropriate top-level domain.


  18. carmenccrav Avatar

    If there is a man who would like to mentor a young, married man in helping him learn about the ins and outs of CDD please reach out to me at carmenccrav@gmail.com. I need advice and guidance with my wife.

    Thank you.


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