Dear Readers, Please let us know why you began spanking in marriage, or why you wish to begin.
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Reader’s Poll: Why Did you Start Spanking?
Comments
45 responses to “Reader’s Poll: Why Did you Start Spanking?”
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I was in the Army came home from deployment and our finances were in shambles bills were not paid and mortgage was behind. Found out she gave our money to her deadbeat brother. I was so pissed I left to cool down. When I came back gave her option to leave and get a divorce or she would stay and follow my rules and to enforce them. I would use corporal punishment. She said she loved me and agreed to my rules. Then I took my old leather cowboy belt put her nude body on the bed with pillows under her mid section and whipped her bottom. We are still married 20 years.
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Personally, I was the one to introduce the practice of discipline and hierarchy in house. It was tremendously risky move, considering how our society has devolved to sweeping away values and principles that kept the world safe and progressing for centuries.
My wife being rebellious, independent and autonomous as she was kept embracing these external disturbed new values and during the pandemic when she was confined to our home I could finally see her womanhood flourish. Establishing hierarchy and rules, beyond spanking but including it, in my home was the way I found to open her eyes to the goods of the conservative ways and following our nature as husband and wife.
At first she was confused even amused but was willing to try, but at the point she understood this was no sexual business at all she retreated afraid. It’s been a rocky road since, but I do not regret it. A woman, even the most rebellious one, can be molded into a gracefull wife, there’s just need for consistency.
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Marital Spanking was discussed at length as something we both wanted. No more arguing, no more feeling guilty when I make mistakes, better communication and increased intimacy. I still struggle with feeling defiant and backtalking when I’m told to drop my pants and bend over. It’s something we’re working on together, being told what to do when it’s not what I want has always been difficult for me but we’re making progress.
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I was submissive from the start of our marriage. I knew going in that is the type of married life I wanted. It took years to get to spanking. However the topic was brought up by my husband when we were having difficulties agreeing over family visits during the holidays. I couldn’t believe it at first! But….I prayed on it and the Lord laid it on my heart to consider it more deeply. I spent time praying and reading scriptures and looking online for this type of relationship. It took a few months of doing this before one last prayer where I begged God to show me the way. And in His infinite wisdom, my prayers were answered with a voice reminding me to submit to my Husband’s will. By this point the holidays were well over, we were far from that disagreement that brought the topic up. I had a few more months until my first spanking which was for gossiping about another family at church. This family had always been somewhat rude to us (The wife, especially, does not like my husband because I was eighteen and he was twenty five when we married.) Under the hand of my husband and with God’s hand guiding him, my husband spanked me and reminded me about the virtues of refraining from petty gossip. I understand now that God is even more appreciative when we refrain from gossiping about people we may not get along with.
Praise the Lord for helping my husband deliver me that message! -
Aron,
I have been a long-time reader of your blog, but this is my first time commenting, as I usually feel I have nothing else to add beyond what you or others have said.
To answer your question, I didn’t grow up with physical discipline. For whatever reason, my parents didn’t use corporal punishment on either my younger sister or me. While I don’t think they ever explicitly ruled it out as an option, we just never experienced it growing up. However, we lived in a small, rural town, so I certainly heard of (and occasionally saw) spankings. I never saw or even thought about adult women being spanked, but getting their butts busted was a fact of life for many of my fiends in childhood.
I understood from young adulthood that I was “dominant”, for lack of a better word. I usually gravitated towards leadership roles in clubs and teams from high school into college. This carried over into my relationships and I found myself feeling the most comfortable when I was leading in the relationship. I’m sure this was partly due to growing up in the South and simply being taught what men and women are “supposed” to do, but I also think I’m just naturally drawn towards that dynamic.
My first contact with adult spanking was a girlfriend in college who enjoyed the physical sensation and asked me to spank her often, which I did. She would usually request spanking as a part of our intimacy, but occasionally would incorporate something that she’d really done wrong, such as procrastination or overspending, into the request. While the relationship wasn’t to last, it put in my mind the possibility of discipline in an adult relationship.
I met my wife while getting my graduate degree and we became friends and then began dating while I finished school. During the last year of us dating, we discussed marriage and our hopes and needs in that space. She is naturally submissive and greatly enjoyed the prospect of being a stay at home mother. I am blessed to be in a field where I am able to provide for her. As I said, being in a leadership role and being able to provide for a family is something I feel is an absolute necessary in my life.
Having already read extensively about “domestic discipline”, I brought up the concept to her. She was hesitant. Unlike me, she had been spanked frequently in childhood, but it had been several years since her last. While she was completely on board with using it as a punishment for our children, she was less than thrilled with prospect of being physically disciplined as an adult. We discussed how it could be utilized in our relationship and how I had no intention of using it in an abusive way. After a long discussion on trust, she agreed that if we were married, she’d submit if I felt it was necessary.
Shortly after I graduated, we were engaged and then married. She has told me repeatedly that she legitimately loves having very few responsibilities outside the home and deferring to my judgment. It wasn’t until well into our first year of marriage that I spanked her.
We had adopted a puppy from the shelter after we bought our first house and she was responsible for making sure he got to the veterinarian for shots and checkups. He was due for a vet appointment and it happened to coincide with her car being at the dealership for a recall issue. She didn’t tell me about the appointment until that morning and asked if I could please leave work early to take him to the vet since she didn’t have her car. I was annoyed and asked why she didn’t tell me sooner, as leaving work early is inconvenient for me. She explained that she had completely forgotten that she didn’t have her car and just realized it that morning. I thought about calling the vet to reschedule, but it is usually at least a couple months before they have another opening, so I said I’d leave early and take him. I should have called.
I left work and came home, she had our dog ready to go, and he and I drove to the vet. When we got there, the receptionist was confused and asked if it was an emergency. I said no, that we had an appointment. Which we did. The following week.
We had discussed this issue before. While she normally is very attentive, when distracted, she will sometimes not listen to what is being said. She did this most often with friends and family, and it has caused problems before. I had told her repeatedly to confirm details before getting off the phone. The last time was a dinner she missed at her parents house and I told her if it happened again, I would spank her. She said it wouldn’t happen again.
She was surprised to see me back so soon and was extremely apologetic when I explained why. I told her that we had discussed this repeatedly and she was aware of what would happen if we had to address it again. I led her into the bedroom and told her to bend over the bed. She was teary-eyed and said she was sorry and that it wouldn’t happen again. I told her she had said the same thing before and yet here we are. She obeyed and bent over the edge of the bed. I lifted her dress, pulled down her panties and spanked her about 15-20 times. I didn’t really count, but they were hard and she began to cry out after the first few.
After I was done, I sat on the edge of the bed next to her and rubbed her back. She calmed down and we had a frank discussion about expectations and being careful and mindful. She nodded and when she had stopped crying, I stood her up, gave her a kiss, and hugged her for a good long while.
I’ve only had to spank her three more times since and we’ve been married for 8 years. Spankings are infrequent in our home, both for her and my children. I feel that many other techniques should be used, but spanking should always be an option.
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Thank you for explaining how and why your brought spanking into your marriage. It sounds like you lead your wife very well.
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Mine had a mother who needed psych help and left my wife very confused on how to behave. Mom taught her to tell mom what she wanted to hear. And if it that was a lie, it was fine with mom. I had to become her parent and be consistent. And for her to learn lying only got her spanked.
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I met my wife at a church service and I was immediately attracted to her. She carried herself in a different way than other women I had met. We soon started dating. I sensed a different dynamic in her family than existed in my family. In my home there was always tension between my parents. In Jane’s home it was quite different. Jane’s mother was deferential to me which was surprising. And she was clearly deferential to Jane’s father. She wasn’t afraid of him but it was clear he wore the pants in the family.
The first time I learned that spanking was used in Jane’s family was when I brought Jane back after her curfew time. Jane told me she was going to get it, I didn’t suspect that getting it was a spanking. The next we dated Jane told we had to get back on time because last time her dad took the strap to her. I was pretty shocked but she acted as if this just a normal thing.
A short time after I proposed to Jane ( I had to get her father’s permission) I got the talk from her father. He explained how he used physical correction and he showed me a strap on a nail on the wall
I let him talk but I was sure I would never spank Jane or so I thought. Well after we were married Jane’s behavior gradually became worst every day. Jane began to behave badly. Not cleaning properly , not being home when I returned from work and just not doing what she supposed to do.
This went on for about a year and finally in desperation after I came home and no Jane I called her father. Well he came over bringing a strap and when she came home he had me spank her. I relate this event elsewhere on Aron’s site.
So after this I began the use of CDD. Despite the fact that Jane had been brought up to be obedient and submissive my year long neglect ended up requiring a training period where she had to be spanked fairly often. Her father became my mentor explained how he ran his household which I mostly adopted as my own methods.
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I’m taking dictation while we’re driving. My husband says:
My wife broached the topic first, many years ago. I was reluctant, fearing that it constituted a fetish, but we tried it a few times on and off. Then a few months ago my wife came to me with a confession. We were walking in a park together and she explained at length that she had come to a realization about some of her behaviors towards me. She said she was sorry and that she wanted to do better. I don’t think she mentioned physical discipline during that conversation but it lasted about an hour and I believed her completely and recognized that there was something very important going on. A day or two later she raised again the subject of spanking for the first time in quite a while. This time it felt different to me and I wanted to try. And I felt an expectation of positive outcomes. And it was different this time because it was aligned with a sense of the marriage covenant by which we are bound together with one another. And it has been better this time… Much much better. We have been closer and happier and more at peace. I don’t necessarily enjoy spanking my wife in and of itself but I do very much appreciate the sense of restitution and oneness that results from her accepting my authority, discipline, and headship.Me: I always did have sort of a spanking fantasy thing going on so my husband’s concerns that maybe this was some sort of a fetish were not completely off base. But for reasons I didn’t even understand I just craved intensely to have my husband spank me when I needed to know his authority. At the same time, he really wasn’t into that and I wasn’t really sure that I wanted him to be my authority. For a while we kind of slipped into an egalitarian marriage because I stopped trusting his leadership after we had some ugly arguments, and because most of my friends were egalitarians it started to make more sense to me. Then I stumbled across this blog, one night when I guiltily googled “spank your wife.” I suppose fantasies die hard, but as I started reading this forbidden material, I unexpectedly started having my whole world rearranged. Aron has a bunch of posts where he really laid out a paradigm where I suddenly understood that my desire to be spanked might not actually be a fetish, but maybe pointed to a design that God had for marriage. So I was confronted with a choice, to realize that everything within me was screaming a desire for my husband to have actual real authority over me, and this meant that I would have to acknowledge that the egalitarian road I had been going down was the wrong direction. I spent some time praying and really thinking about it, and then came that day in the park where I took the opportunity to embrace this new cogent view of myself, my marriage, and the scriptures, and admitted to my husband that I had been in rebellion to him and to God.. and that I was availing myself of the opportunity to do an about=face. My husband had never really accepted an egalitarian viewpoint but was just sort of putting up with my rebellion in a very patient sort of frustrated way.. He embraced me, heard my confession, forgave me, prayed with me, and it was like we entered into a whole new renewal of our marriage together.
It hasn’t been totally smooth sailing, we still have had moments where I just cannot seem to submit to him. At first he was very nervous about spanking me hard enough to actually hurt me, although I can say he is mostly gotten over that one. He spanks me a lot and I feel I need it probably even more often than he gives it to me. It’s good for me. And when I’m able to really receive it and really keep humbling myself and stay under him for more than an hour at a time, we do really enjoy a much more peaceful relationship. Although I am very very much still learning to abide in that place of submission as it does not come very easily to me.-
Heather, I always really relate to your posts. I am so happy for you that you have found a good place in your marriage. I have been together with my husband almost 20 years and Aron’s guidance through this blog has made me realize I am not alone and that wanting to feel my husband’s authority does not make me “weird” or “broken.” I especially love that this lifestyle is based in faith. That said, we are struggling to implement discipline into our marriage. My husband has not totally embraced his role as leader, and I wish he would be more consistent in his expectations and their consequences, but with time and patience I pray we will get there.
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Aimee,
Thanks so much for your kind words. Sometimes I feel really rotten that we really don’t have our marriage in good order yet, I’m not that submissive and he’s got his difficulties too. But then a few days ago we had a pretty bad argument that ended with some discipline and despite the fact that it happened, and we’re just not “there” yet, we’re a LOT better off than we were before we found this blog.
In the past an argument like that would have left us in ruins, probably continuing to argue and be estranged, for days and days on end. Now he spanks me and we get back in unity with each other quickly. I fall, we fall, into bad habits quickly enough but “the righteous falls 7 times and rises again”, I hope that is true of us. I am learning and we are growing. We are both grateful to have discipline helping us along in the process, as Aron says, a tool in the toolbox.I don’t know if this is allowed but this is a more detailed story of how my husband and I walked through his reluctance to discipline, which may or may not help as you ask your husband to discipline you:
https://belovedandchastened.blogspot.com/2022/11/when-wife-wants-discipline-in-her.html
At first it was me asking. But now it is very much his prerogative, although I still ask at times if I know I should.
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Before getting married we discussed at length the proper place of both husband and wife. However, for reasons I still cannot comprehend my wife apparently did not grasp the concept that a wife is to obey her husband in everything, not from the bible, or from our premarital conversations. She says it’s because her parents always told her that they had a biblical marriage yet her mother rules the house with an iron fist and treats her father like a child. A place that my father in law seems to embrace.
So, she thought that after being married she would also be able to do whatever she wanted and there would be no expectations of her. She was a very sheltered and innocent homeschool girl, very attached to her family and being married and suddenly living together away from her family was a major transition. She was also fairly young being in her early 20’s.
I’m not a demanding man, I’ve always been very patient and understanding with my wife and I’ve never so much as yelled at her in all our years of marriage. It seemed she was inventing problems and hypothetical scenarios just for the sake of stirring up conflict, intentionally disregarding her duties and testing me with open rebellion.
Thankfully I’m nearly a decade older than her and have greatly matured since my 20’s and knew better than to give into her childish tantrums and didn’t react to the intentional provocations. Instead I simply stayed firm and told her this is the way it’s going to be no matter what she said or did and I can bring her back to her parents if she liked. She even once tried to wrestle me as she had been taught that she was a strong and tough woman the equal of men. Of course this ended in the predictable way within a split second yet she did not want to yield. So this is when she hot her first spanking, not really even intentionally, I just couldn’t think of any other way to teach her the foolishness of this action and put an end to it. That certainly disabused her of these childish girl power delusions.
Within a few months of being married she was pregnant which really just threw fuel on the emotional fire. However within a year she finally saw the error of her ways and embraced her total submission to me. This all sounds very dramatic in retelling, and occasionally it was dramatic, but the truth is she has always been a good wife and a good woman. Being a housewife and homeschool mom is what she has always wanted to be from childhood. She was just poorly taught and influenced by our current degenerate heathen culture as all young women are nowadays and needed to be properly trained and molded by the strong man she lacked as a child.
It was several years down the road that I seriously started considering spanking her and mentioned the idea just to plant the seed. A while after she actually came to me and asked me to spank her when she was was out of line, the normal stuff, disobedience, disrespect, lying, etc to help her get over her occasional unacceptable behavior. She actually told me more than once that she deserves a spanking and presented herself for such.
After that is was off an on for about a year. She has a very low pain tolerance and the moment it gets real and she’s standing in front of me she freezes and I have to grab her and put her over my knee and she immediately cries and yells and begs me to stop. Which I have an extremely difficult time dealing with and led me to stop the practice a couple times.
However it soon became apparent that she was much better behaved and happier when she had hard guardrails and knew that intentional rebellion, disrespect, disobedience, etc would find her over my knee for a thorough spanking. So once again I sat her down and told her that she is once again going to be spanked when I feel it’s required, that although I have a tough time with it I cannot deny it’s effectiveness and the discomfort is worth the results. This time she was hesitant after having experienced a few thorough hand spankings.
I told her ny mind was pretty well made up about this but that of course we can discuss whatever she likes and if she has objections she can explain and I’m open to reconsideration. She really didn’t other than she intensely dislikes it, I explained that is the entire point and we had a discussion about trust and she has been a spanked wife ever since. This time I will no doubt stay the course and we are reaping the benefits. When she is out of line, which is very rarely, she finds herself over my knee receiving a whipping and lecture that fits the infraction.
I’ve found giving her a moment to calm down and regain her composure when she’s hysterical makes the processuch easier and I’ve come to nust accept that spanking her is just and beneficial that I must just be and accept the discomfort. At this point I believe all men should be spanking their wives and that it would solve a large majority of marital issues. My wife even occasionally comments that this or that wife really needs a spanking, lol.
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Accidentally discovered spanking with something I was reading and was shocked. Never had heard of it before and half jokingly shared it with my husband. He was intrigued!
We did all the “things” we understood from our reading on domestic discipline. My husband incorporated rules with clear consequences for what would happen if I failed to obey. I was mildly amused and looking back can see where I somewhat saw it as a game. We talked at length at first and concluded this might help our marriage quite a bit. We were right.
We did maintenance our first spanking. He spanked with a belt the first time. I kept thinking “I can’t believe I’m being spanked with a belt”. It felt a combination of extreme awkwardness and exhilaration for both of us. I had never been spanked and my husband had never so much as touched a hair on my head. But we knew if we wanted spanking to be normalized, we would need to continue to do weekly maintenance for awhile until it became 2nd nature.
My first real spanking was terrifying because I wasn’t expecting it. Hubby was mad and unlike regular pre-dd life where we would argue, he quite angrily told me to get into our bedroom, bend over the bed with pants down to await my discipline. I honestly stood there paralyzed not believing this was really happening. However, he was so stern with me that I had enough sense to do exactly what he said. It was awful and painful but after felt completely cleansing for us both. I had that stubborn arrogance spanked right out me and he felt he was rightfully redeemed back into authority over me and our marriage.
My husband said it took well over a full year of lots of ups and downs and sometimes complete defiance by me (which was challenging for him to deal with) before he felt we had finally gotten into a rhythm of complete buy-in to domestic discipline. We both agree that even though I introduced it, I was the most resistant to the reality of what domestic discipline meant for my life. I begrudgingly had to give up trying to be in charge and it was a STEEP learning curve. The one word of advice I would give would be don’t give up, no matter what. Be consistent, no matter how hard it is to follow through, and read everything you can on the subject. We texted our feelings about how things were going, our thoughts about domestic discipline, etc. For some reason texting was a helpful way to communicate our real feelings about how things were going in that first year.
Now we don’t talk much about cdd, we just know the drill and spanking is just as natural as any other part of our marriage. Even though the discipline felt naturally correct right from the beginning, it took a long time for me to change my ways and for him to fully embrace the non-negotiable head of household role.
The beauty is that because we stuck with it, stayed the course, remained committed, our marriage (and by extension our family) is enhanced, blessed and flourishing because of domestic discipline
As it stands now, we wouldn’t be able to function in our marriage without spanking. Our marriage became incredibly, intensely connected because of domestic discipline. I am not exactly sure why that is but my best guess is that is brings out the feminine in the woman and the masculine nature in the man, which is our authentic true selves and is buried below modern definitions of how mainstream marriages are today.
If you think about it, in reality, my husband spanks me back into submission and I am required to obey my husband in all things or else I face extremely painful consequences. He has turned into a harsh disciplinarian but neither of us would have it any other way. It’s crazy! And yet it works! And works so well that now we wouldn’t even consider our marriage without it.
It has made our marriage SO STRONG. And I am not exaggerating. I can’t recommend domestic discipline enough. It has strengthened our intimate life, our spiritual life (both individually and as a couple), our personal lives separate from each other, our marriage obviously, our communication…there isn’t a part of our lives not touched positively by domestic discipline.-
Thank you for your comment, Jayla. I really appreciate hearing how spanking has helped make your marriage stronger and closer since you began. It transforms many marriages for the better.
Spanking definitely can feel awkward at first, if you’ve never experienced it. I remember hearing my wife say — I can’t believe I just got whipped — the first time I spanked her, which was with the belt.
I’m sure you can help other couples learn how useful this tool is for husband and wife.
Blessing.
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I introduced the idea of discipline and roles to my husband after 20 plus years in our relationship. It turns out that I didn’t know what I was looking for but I thought that our relationship could be better than it was. I was doing a lot of reading and researching online about strengthening relationships and there is a lot of information and opinions out there and many I just didn’t connect with. When I came across this and a few other spanking websites and blogs, as I read I couldn’t shake the feeling that spanking and discipline may be the right path. Now I am in an unusual position as I do work outside of the home, provide a very healthy income, have not been blessed with children and did not grow up in an environment that displayed healthy adult relationships. Although I have never considered myself to be a feminist, I can now see how feminist ideas had influenced my behavior with and towards my husband. I think it’s also important to recognize that feminism penetrates just about all social media, digital entertainment and even work places so it definitely influences men’s behaviors as well. My husband and I have been practicing DD for about 15 months now and our relationship is more loving, trusting and cooperative than before. I am not spanked frequently but I am spanked hard when I need to be corrected. My husband and I have clear communication, respect for each other and I find comfort in knowing that we do not need to fight, argue and experience power struggles over anything. I trust his judgment and he listens to and appreciates my thoughts, opinions and feedback. Our journey has been awkward at times but we continue to learn and grow. If I can encourage others to try to adopt this lifestyle, I would. I have no regrets and I have not given up anything except frustration and heart ache. Ladies, let your men lead. Give him back the natural power and strength that is built into his DNA. Embrace your beautiful feminine characteristics that are hardwired into your being. Men, don’t be afraid to take control of your situation. Spanking is not abuse. Lead your woman, care for her and hold her accountable. You will enjoy the results! When you embrace a role of leadership and embrace your masculinity, she will naturally fall into a submissive path. There are many outside influences but you don’t have to be influenced by them.
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Thank you for your comment, Better Lady. Your advice to other women is very well put. I’m happy to hear about the positive improvement discipline has brought to your marriage. Be blessed.
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I was raised in a spanking home and church. Although the church as a whole has turned away from wife spanking we still have a small group in the congregation that do. My first wife was also raised in this church. She passed and I knew I could not be in a marriage without submission and spanking. I’m married again to someone who was not raised this way but she agreed to it before marriage and I do spank her.
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Marty and I were intrigued by this site’s more balanced approach to our only frame of reference which was really more bsdm. Not our cup of tea. We felt like it had potential. Marty was much more optimistic than I was. He very patiently walked me through the trial phase and when we were ready, he urged us to go with it, with the option of revising or pausing if something wasn’t working.
Marty’s gentlemanly leadership makes CDD something we miss when health gets in the way. I’m so grateful for him.-
Hello Elsie, I am happy you have moved forward with leadership and discipline in your marriage. I’m glad my site has been helpful to you. Your husband sounds like the right kind of leader.
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With my 1st wife spanking started a few months after we were married. I came home to absolutely no dinner even started after a long difficult day of work. I asked about the reason there was no dinner and was told she didn’t care if there was anything ready or not. I tried to nicely explain that I was hungry and expected at least something to be done for me after a 12-hour day. She told me to do it myself and I told her I would after she was given a proper lesson. Her bare bottom and my belt became acquainted for the 1st time, and I made myself some dinner while she was face down on the bed with a glowing red a– and a new attitude. After I ate, I had my way with her and told her that this would happen again if I was talked to that way and not fed after a day of work. This got the message across very plainly and from that point on there was something ready when I got home. I would always call if I was working late and when I worked the afternoon shift my dinner was prepared with her in just a nightgown with nothing underneath. Through our 27 years together she required some spanking and an occasional harsher session with the strap for certain things, but she did not require constant discipline.
After my 1st wife passed and I became serious with my current wife I knew that she needed more discipline because of her independent ways. She was spanked before we were married and in the almost 8 years, we have been together as a couple she has been spanked many times more than my 1st wife. Her spankings are more intense, and she is much more sexual than my 1st wife. I will actually come home to find the strap on the bed and her telling me why she needs it.
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My fiancé started spanking me when we entered into a serious relationship with the goal of marriage. It’s something he sees as important and knew he wanted in a serious relationship. Because of the man that he is I was open to the idea but knew we needed to both be very honest about what that meant for both of us. I was previously married for 12 years to an emotionally abusive man so it initially scared me to give so much power to a man. Since we determined this was the way forward he has been an amazing leader balancing the rules and structure of our relationship with my emotional needs. I think spanking has turned our relationship into an amazing place for me to heal and thrive. The structure and firmness balanced with tenderness has created a safe space where I always clearly know what is happening. However I think it’s important to note that he also cares for me in other ways as a leader. He is diligent about taking care of the things I need and helping me when I need it.
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Both my husband and I grew up in traditional households and were spanked as children, so when we got married, it was discussed very early on. I accepted his authority, but unfortunately I did not respect it very early on, which led to my first spanking just a few weeks into our marriage. He had (and still has) a very no nonsense approach to discipline that took a while for me to get used to, but once I did, we’ve both been happy ever since.
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I grew up and met my husband in a church that encourages female submission and well-defined gender roles in marriage.
Women who don’t follow this pattern, who work outside the home, who don’t let their husband lead or are masculine in some way end up being excluded
I have always been very rebellious so my husband suggested CDD even before we got married, he said that without CDD he thought it would be difficult to build a successful marriage with someone like me who at the time had some feminist ideas
My husband distanced me from all feminist ideas and managed to clear these influences with a lot of discipline.
I am very grateful and happy for my husband’s patience, dedication and leadership
I believe that without his firm leadership I would have strayed from the right path at some point. -
I am the submissive wife and I asked my husband to start in this lifestyle. At first he thought it was some “weird kinky thing to get off to,” but after I convinced him I was serious about following where he led, and wanting to be held accountable, and how it would mean no more fighting.,. He was on board.
Neither of us came from this type of family lifestyle, although now I’m convinced my MIL does submit to my FIL, I’m not confident enough to outright ask either.
I was tired of fighting and our marriage was struggling. We weren’t much more than best friends living together, as we were never intimate and “agreed to disagree” a lot too. I wasn’t happy and wanted a change. I’m not entirely sure now how I found the lifestyle, but after reading some about it I became obsessed and knew we needed it.
It took awhile before he became confident enough to spank me with the forceful hand he needed to use. He was always taught to “never hurt a woman,” so having him spank me with enough force to make an impression (literally and figuratively!) took awhile. But we are there now and our marriage is so much stronger for it.
I started blogging about our life style as soon as we began, as I wanted to track our journey like a diary of sorts. It’s fun to look back and see where we were and how far we’ve come!
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That’s very encouraging to hear, Marie. Thank you. Those are some of the reasons that inspire other couples too. It’s great to look back and see the progress you’ve made.
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I evenly told my future wife that she deserves a spanking, and she agreed with me that she does. Now that I know I have her consent, I will use spanking discipline to help her overcome a few bad habits, such as tardiness and forgetting appointments.
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That is great. I think you’ll find spanking very helpful. I believe a lot more people would bring it up as you did, but they don’t know how to broach the subject.
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I have told her, in the past, that I find spanking a woman sexually arousing, and that did not repel her, so I took the next step and told her that she DESERVED a spanking. I know that when we marry, most of the spankings I give her will be of an exotic nature, but there will be disciplinary spankings when she misses appointments, or is more than 15 minutes late.
By the way, I find NO justification in Scripture, whereas corporal punishment of children IS endorsed “Spare the rod and spoil the child”. Therefore, I felt the need for my fiancee’s permission. I do believe in male headship, but see it as a spiritual duty rather than a governance prerogativd.
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Hello John, I’m glad that she understands and accepts discipline as a part of the marriage. It likely will be needed for a few other problems beyond what you mention. There is room to learn and adapt it over time to your needs.
There is justification for wife spanking through the authority of the husband, and the basic fact that corporal punishment is both accepted and mandated in the Bible. The lack of a specific instruction to use in that instance it does not mean it lacks justification.
Just as the basic authority of the parent allows the parent to set a bedtime for their child, without needing the Bible to tell them to, the basic authority of the husband allows him to use discipline. That authority is God ordained.
I look forward to hearing how discipline works in your marriage.
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My husband has been spanking me from day one, but we have not been consistent which has led to many problemes in our relationship. I am not naturally submissive and can be very rebelious. Not on purpose of course, but it is in my nature. Some time ago my husband decided to start spanking me “for real” and has been very strict. It has really turned our marriage around and weekly maintenance spankings are helping me to stay in a submissive mindset. I have realised how much I love this lifestyle and myself when I embrace my submissive side. It’s still hard for me from time to time but consistency helps alot. I don’t think we would have gotten this far without maintenance spankings, I know it can be a controversial issue but for us they really work.
I love your blog, it is very inspirational and helpful. Thank you!
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You’re welcome, Jennie. Merry Christmas to you. I’m glad spanking has helped you grow in your submission and overcome some of the hurdles in improving your marriage. Often being firm and consistent is all that a husband needs to do. Maintenance definitely works in some cases, no doubt.
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Before we were married my now husband explained to me that he would be using domestic discipline after we were married. He explained exactly what this would entail and that it would include punishment should it be required, he also said that when I took my wedding vows that he wanted obey to be included.
I entered our marriage on these conditions and was quite aprehensive and nervous about being submissive and about the punishments I would receive if my behaviour warranted it.
Two weeks into our marriage I received my first punishment with the leather strap to my bared bottom which was very painfull and left me in tears, after my cornertime when I had had time to reflect on my behaviour that warranted the punishment I felt a feeling of relief that my husband had taken the time to correct my behaviour and it made me feel closer to him.
I have learnt to become more submissive to my husband which has helped me grow in confidence. I am still on a learning curve with my submission to my husband and still require punishments should they be required but I submit to them in the knowledge that it is done out of love and for the benefit of our relationship.-
Hello Lesley, Thank you for your comment. It is normal that there is some fear when facing a spanking at first. My wife had to take the belt the first time, and was quite nervous. I’m glad you can see the purpose of the punishment, as well as be grateful for the help it gives you. Becoming more submissive and putting guilt in the past are two of the most immediate effects of being spanked. When a spanking is called for, it is a form of loving correction. I believe you both will continue to see the rewards.
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My husband made it clear from the start that I am to be submissive and feminine in every way as he is the Head of Household. I was told my place and he warned me there will be consequences if I do not respect his position as the head of Household and properly obey. From the start I stupidly started testing my limits and giving him a lot of back talk despite his guidance and warnings until one day he finally had enough of my foolish back talk and told me I have 5 min to get undressed and be on my knees. I didn’t believe what was happening so I didn’t get undressed, when the time has passed he was extremely upset I disobeyed him yet again so he grabbed me and forced me over his lap.
He held me down and spanked me while telling me all the times I haven’t been an obedient wife. It made me tear up and instantly beg for forgiveness but he was not stopping and I was so greatful for how strong he was. I still struggle with backtalk and accepting punishment but I am so lucky to have a Christian husband with a firm leading hand. God bless -
My husband has always had a leadership personality. He was always the team captain, he lead any group he was a part of, he is one of those people that others naturally follow. He is a very positive and very calm person. He thinks about his decisions and always makes everyone feel extremely important and special. This is absolutely one of the reasons I fell in love with him immediately. I have always craved, needed, and wanted a dominant partner. I did not realize this, but I was in such need of a partner who could provide me with boundaries, expectations, and accountability. Growing up I had a bit of a chaotic life. I had little to no rules. My parents were building their businesses, my father was almost never present. He is a doctor and was very busy with his patients and growing his own office. They were not bad people and loved us, but my brother and I had no rules. This created a person who struggled to listen to anyone. With that said, I also deep down craved discipline. I have always played sports and my coach was VERY strict. I thrived under his leadership. It was for me a slow process through my adolescence and into college inrealized I am most comfortable with a man who was naturally dominate. I also am someone who is a leader on all
my sports teams, school groups, friend groups, but when it comes to my private life, my home life I immediately desire to take the submissive role in my relationship. I think growing up with little to no discipline in my home I realized I need to have that.
My husband and I met in college and we just got like two puzzle pieces perfectly.We were married for nine years and it was a wonderful marriage. Although I began to struggle to use appropriate communication with him when I was upset. I also realized even though I needed and wanted to be led, I was unable to live it. I raised my voice, I used rude language, I never learned how to behave properly when I was angry. It got worse over the years. Eventually my husband would kind of check out when I was angry. When he would do that I woild get more upset and he would check out even further. This made me feel anxiety and I would feel even more chaotic inside and be even more rude and disrespectful. Finally it was me who decided this is NOT who I want to be. I know now my husband felt like he was not able to handle me when I got that way. I started to kind of look online and found wife discipline. I stumbled upon it really. Once I found it I KNEW. I read about it for months. Finding everything I could. I was ready to commit, but then I had to share it with my husband. I was So very nervous. Just like I’m sure many people they had many concerns sharing their desire with their spouse. I was afraid he would maybe feel like I was super weird… well it was not like that at all! It basically was the most natural thing in the world. I emailed him, sharing a website (before I found Aaron’s) and told him I really nelieve this could help us and help me finally end several behaviors I despised about myself. Things I should have learned as a child!! He was immediately on board. (I’m sure he was like HECK YES :))
It happened almost immediately. He started his first spanking with his hand, I had his hand prints on my bottom for days. It hurt BAD. That’s when I realized this is not just some thing he is just going along with…. No way he took it extremely serious from day 1. I commited to him with all of my heart and he did the same. That was 6 years ago. I now look back and can not FATHOM ever doing the things j used to do. Like raise my voice at him, use inappropriate language towards him. Just thinking about it now I am shocked and can not even believe that was ever me. He feels like he has the ability to handle situations he used to feel completely helpless with. He feels that he is able to not just lead, but he is able to absolutely with no questions asked handle and control situations and our marriage which has changed his life and our life as a couple. He will never go back and neither will I. We do not fight anymore. I mean we have disagreements, but we handle them with such maturity. He listens to me, and
Usually he does what I want, but when he disagrees and we can not come to an agreement, it is what he says. Period. It’s done. I have friends who have argued for years about things.
I have successfully grown and dropped several things I hated about myself that I was unable to stop in my own. My self discipline was not strong enough to control terrible learned behaviors from growing up with no discipline! Everything that made me want to live this way has been what I prayed for, and more! Honestly beyond my wildest dreams. Yes there are times when I wish I never wanted this! Those times are when I have to submit to him when I do Not agree, that is not easy. Also of course when I am sitting there waiting for him to come into the room when I am going to be spanked, I will Question why I ever wanted this. Submitting your will, your body, and your mind to a punishment is extremely difficult. To be successful in this life- well punishment spankings HURT. They are the hardest things I have ever had to go through… well it feels that way. Although after years of that, as so many others say as well. We have never been closer, more in tune with eachother. My husband NEVER ever checks out. He doesn’t because he had control. Before he checked out because he just did not know what to do! Now, oh he knows what to do!!!So wanting to have a marriage where I was not controlling, rude, voice raising, and just not able to submit my will, (it def has to be broken, and sometimes it still
Does) is why I wanted this… why my husband realized he wants this is because he feels he has the ability to handle any and all situations if it comes down to it. He now only needs to say one word, or even just look at me- he has full control. He never ever checks out, he is always extremely present. We have so much joy, zero arguing, and I have finally found my place where I thrive the most. My husband has also found his place he thrives the most! If you are feeling the calling for this, don’t be afraid to share it with your wife or husband, I can almost guarantee they will be open. All of us here are drawn to this and need it in our hearts, so follow that because you will open a door to a marriage that is better than your wildest dreams. -
I was spanked in my childhood, but it was rare. When we married, we did not discuss it beforehand. I moved to another location, and there was a lot of confusion with me re-settling to new circumstances. My husband had a demanding job and a busy schedule, and my calls to him during the day took too much of his working time. One day, after he came home, he said the situation is causing him problems, because I was perfectly safe and did not need to call him all the time. He said he understood my problems with re-orientation, but I must focus on one problem at a time. The next time I called him at work with no real problem and greeted him with a tirade of complaints at home, he told me I would get spanked. I was appalled and offended, but he sternly ordered me take my pants off. It was my first spanking by him. The following days were calmer for me, and I felt less distressed, although deeply humiliated. He took control of the situation by spanking me twice a week, which I found humiliating especially because he wanted me bare with my bum up. Within some 2 months I was less anxious, and my life had a new frame work and a weekly routine for me. He simply trained me to expose myself willingly, and the spankings continued twice a week for four months. After that he deemed it appropriate to stop these spankings, and decided to focus on anything requiring an actual punishment, and this way I had more freedom in general. Now I get spanked for a mistake I make, and the spanking is usually harder, because I am responsible for something I have done instead of just being anxious. That way they also serve as a deterrent, because I do not know how harsh it will be. There is now usually once a month a harsh and thorough session, and he trains me constantly into submission and acceptance of what he wants on a daily basis. It is ridiculous how safe I feel in this framework now, although I dread the instruments and nakedness during the session. I find this website very helpful.
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I was spanked as a child and feel that I learned a lot from that. Discipline, humility and respect. Once I grew up I think I lost all of that. I’m 47 now and have been married almost three years. I have grown up to be quite opinionated, mouthy and downright disrespectful in too many ways. Especially with my husband. About a year ago I asked him to start spanking me for being disrespectful towards him. He was hesitant but did as I asked. We have taken several breaks from discipline. And I feel very lost without it. I would like to have this be part of our daily life. And honestly I wish he would spank me harder. He spanks me just enough to get me angry. That results in me not being truly sorry for my wrong doings. I am hoping in time he will begin to be more forceful with his spankings. I’m so glad I found these articles.
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It’s very good to hear from you. I can understand your predicament. It takes men time to embrace and fully put into practice everything involved in discipline. It’s great that he is willing to try it.
I do have a few articles on the benefits of spanking hard and in a thorough fashion. A good spanking definitely needs to let a woman feel as if she’s been punished for her wrong, and cleansed of any ill will or rebellion within her. A man cannot be afraid to give a memorable spanking.
Keep being patient, and keep working hard on submission nonetheless. Take care.
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Have you told him you’d like to be spanked harder and more often? I can’t imagine a man that wouldn’t enjoy hearing that from his wife. We aren’t mind readers and can sometimes miss any clues provide.
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I asked my husband to start punishment as I knew I deserved it and he deserved a better wife. He was always the head of household then I became more submissive after having children and becoming a housewife. I always felt this was my proper role but raised I needed his guidance to keep me in line.
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I wrote a bit about this elsewhere but will expand a bit more here.
I came from a more modern family and was encouraged at home and at school to be inquisitive to question why and to be a strong independent modern girl/ Woman.
As I got older and started dating I began to realise that I didn’t want an equal or lesser husband but wanted to be moulded by my future husband and be required not requested to do stuff. It did take me few partners to work that out before eventually meeting my husband.
He brought up the topic of DD and what it would entail for me he was adamant that if required it would bring us closer and make us more appreciative of each other. Can’t say I was exactly thrilled at the thought of having to get undressed and present my bottom for a spanking.
It has helped me transition from the rebellious mouthy modern woman to one who is now enjoying life in a more traditional manor, having someone to tell me what I need to do has given me fulfilment and meaning. Come to think of it the last thing I had without his input was probably my wedding dress ( which he thought was a bit slutty, shoulderless and probably a bit to much blossom on show )
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Thank you for sharing your experience, Fluer. That’s wonderful. I know more women can come to desire and love their man’s leadership as you do. It helps transform women for the good. Your husband is very blessed to have a wife who is committed to him and to being submissive.
I did have input in my wife’s wedding dress, but looking as many places as we could, we still didn’t find one that met my standards of modesty. It was good enough though, and we do better now.
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Both my wife and I were raised in it. My dad spanked my mom and sister. And my wife’s dad spanked her and her mom. My wife is now 50 we have 3 daughters all ages 20 to 17 and as long as they are under my roof they get spanked as well but not just by me. My wife spanks them as well.
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I’ve been married for 10 years now. During that time my wife has become more devoted to her work career and has had emotional affairs with other men. I am losing her and she doesn’t respect me. She is also a very strong willed feminist. Recently I read her diary where she wrote about wanting to be dominated in the bedroom, tied up and spanked. A few days later I instructed her to stand at her desk in her home office with her back to me and strip. I told her not to move her hands off of her desktop. I began spanking her and she laughed at my efforts and instructions so I started spanking her harder until her knees buckled and the laughing stopped. She then took a subdued and respectful tone with me. The scent of her sex filled the air and I knew she was enjoying this. We had an amazing sexual encounter following that where she did everything I asked of her and she even did one thing in particular which she has said in the past she didn’t like but she knew I enjoyed. The next couple of days with her were great. She was more loving towards me and I could see it in her eyes. I want to continue this without overdoing it. I feel like it’s a difficult balancing act and I’m not sure on how to start and maintain spanking to ensure her submission.
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Good job, Sean. Thank you for sharing. You will need to be clear in your rules, and consistent in your discipline, and she will respect that. Feel free to contact me at my e-mail if you’d like to discuss any matters. Take care.
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