Common Difficulties in Starting Spanking

Couples who introduce authority and discipline to their marriage, whether at the start, or years after getting married, are likely to run into many of the same hurdles in getting started, as well as in seeing the rewards. Good fruit will nearly always come from headship and discipline in the long run, but there will always be passing mistakes to learn from. The challenges that arrive might make husband or wife doubt their decision to move forward with it. A few may give up because they do not intend to persevere over challenges. I want to reassure you than in nearly all instances these early challenges can be overcome, and you can enjoy the rewards, often more quickly than you expected. It can often take a matter of months, and sometimes a few years. Just be aware that the challenges you face are common ones, and that you are not alone.

Let me go over a few of the commonest hurdles for men, women, and couples. You’ve probably encountered a few of these already, if you are in a traditional marriage:

Women tend to stumble at a few of these obstacles as they learn submission:

1. They have to overcome backtalk and attitude that does not disappear overnight: Women with an itch to disrespect their men will find that itch returns, even if they want to be submissive. They’ll find it returns even once they have been disciplined. It usually takes regular, firm spanking to start to cut down on a woman’s compulsive mouthing off. Some men use mouthsoaping for sins of the tongue. It also takes her fuller embrace of her submissive role, and some practice in applying that submission daily. It takes love, trust, and regular sexual training over time. A bad attitude will get better, but do not expect immediate results. Spank as regularly as she needs it.

2. They try too hard to be perfect: Women who commit themselves to being their husband’s helper often take their role to the point of perfection, and get too hard on themselves if they fail in small matters. This feeling may also be heightened if they fear discipline too much, or get disciplined for small infractions. A woman should learn she can fulfill her role, and make her husband happy simply through her efforts and her obedience. Everyone will fail sometimes, and she is in good company if she does. Small failures don’t make her a poor wife, nor should they earn her discipline.

3: They fall into the idea they need to be completely passive: Some women mistake submission for complete passivity. As a result, they even have trouble learning what real submission is, or at least how to apply it in their home and their marriage. A woman should know it’s acceptable for her to express her ideas, and to communicate with her husband. She can even express a differing opinion, so long as it is given gently and with respect, and in no way undercuts her husband’s decisions. Her thoughts and ideas are valuable in marriage, and they help her husband as well.

4: They innately resist sexual submission: A woman who finds it easy to follow her husband’s commands may still find an innate resistance to submitting to him sexually. Often the marriage bed is where women are most able to express their softness to their husbands, but this is not always the case, as a woman may view following sexual commands, or serving her husband sexually as a great humiliation. Being on her knees or bent over by her husband translate into an insult. Rather than see it as embracing their roles, they see it as as put down. While there may be a humbling aspect in her sexual service, it is not innately demeaning, as her body belongs to her husband, and he has a right to enjoy it. If she can express her submission to her husband through her obedience daily, she can learn that she expresses the same thing with her body, and is simply showing it to him in a different way. Women who resist sexual submission usually overcome it with time and repeated practice. She will learn to give up on pride. She will learn to give fully of her body without resistance on her husband’s command.

5. They react with fear: Fear is an innate instinct in anyone. It’s not uncommon for women to react with fear when faced with a spanking, even if they understand in their minds they deserve one, and even if they are committed to submission. They may even resist a spanking, or run from one. It takes a force of will to overcome this natural reaction, as well as trust, and a commitment to her role. She has to make a deep decision in her soul not to be ruled by reactions, and to fully trust her husband to govern her. These strong reactions will go away with time, just as trust will be built with time. Then facing a spanking will not result in significant resistance, although it’s natural to experience some level of fear of coming pain.

Men have to overcome ordinary challenges like these:

1. They do not want to be consistent with discipline: Men often find other things to do than expend the energy to instruct and spank their wives. It can take time out of an evening. It can sap energy after a tiring day at work. Men slide into the easy route at times and only spank when something is extremely destructive, or when she begs for it. However, a man who has recognized the importance of his leadership, knows his guidance of his wife is worth the energy. It is a duty. He makes sure he takes the time weekly to give her instructions, and finds the time to discipline her when she’s earned it. The key is in respecting it as his responsibility, and in planning the time for taking care of it. He should keep in mind the important rewards for rightly guiding his wife, and the negative consequences when he does not.

2. They are too light in correcting their wives: Men today have been trained never to hurt a woman, so if they begin spanking their wives, they often start very light, and are overly concerned about leaving marks or hurting her. This often misses the whole point of discipline, as a punishment needs to be undesirable. It should make her sorry for what she did, and not want to do it again. Some mild tapping on the behind rarely accomplishes it. Men should know it’s okay to cause a woman pain during her chastisement, and that her tears are natural, and even good for her. They need not be afraid of leaving marks, which are minor and will heal with time. Just practice some common sense safety, and she will be alright. She needs your firm hand on her behind over and over to correct her.

3. They sometimes try to regulate too much: Rule making can tend to multiply. Once a man realizes how much behavior could possibly go wrong, he gets tempted to invent rules for everything, and with rules, punishment for many things. This approach can be counter productive, as it not only sets an impossible standard for his wife, but it becomes very involved and time consuming for him. He should trust that not every behavior needs regulation, and simply set some general rules for obviously bad behavior and disobedience. The rails he sets for his wife should involve her submission, obedience, respect, and fulfillment of her responsibilities. Minor failures and passing mistakes are common to everyone, and don’t need punishment.

4. They spank too harshly: Likewise, men can slip into being overly harsh in discipline, and spanking to the point of danger or injury. This my result from not knowing how to manage his own strength, or it may come from spanking in anger, thus being uncontrolled. Men need to learn how to handle their strength. They need to find that line between mild and extreme force. This will come with experience. He will learn to gauge his wife’s reactions, the state of her bottom while being spanked, and the amount of strength he puts into each stroke of the spanking. It’s not difficult to learn to give a hard and cleansing spanking, without causing lasting harm. Over time he fine tunes that ability to give a milder or severer spanking to better fit the infraction.

5. They misinterpret simple questions from their wives as attitude: Men learning to be leaders sometimes become overly defensive and view a wife expressing her ideas as a form of rebellion. This is especially true if she has had trouble with attitude in the past, and has shown him she may rebel. However, a man needs to lead with calm. He needs to be assured of his own strength, and not necessarily expect that questions or alternate ideas from his wife amount to a bad attitude. He can hear her out. See why she is saying what she is saying, and make his decision with time. If he wants to hear no more on a matter, he can say it is settled. However, it is wrong to assume that simple communication is rebellion, and can stifle a wife from making valuable contributions.

Couples as a whole find they face challenges like these:

1. They have to overcome distrust: Many fits and starts when learning to live out authority in marriage result from a lack of trust. Women become fearful, or do not trust in their husband’s love for them. Men worry about failure, that their wife won’t listen to them, or think she’s doing wrong when she is not. Placing the necessary trust in your spouse is central to headship and discipline. Trusting in their love and good will prevents many poor decisions, and negative outbursts. Handle your role, as husband or wife, as a responsibility, and focus on doing what you need to do. That by itself will help your spouse to trust you. Express your love and devotion regularly, and be intimate regularly. If there is a mistake, apologize, and move on. All of these will build trust.

2. They hang on to anger or resentment: An important part in taking care of problems in marriage is letting the past be the past. Couples who want to relive failures of the past, or hang onto anger over past sins, will cause stumbling in the relationship. Spanking in marriage, when done right, is an excellent tool in putting things in the past, to be forgotten about. It points the way to a more stable and peaceful future. However, it requires both spouses to recognize that once an act is punished, or forgiven, it shouldn’t be in our mind anymore. We live in the present. The only thing that matters is doing our job, and loving the other. Some things, once taken care of, should not be mentioned.

3. They might give up when hard times come: Either man and wife might view difficulty in establishing headship and submission, or difficult in dealing with discipline, as an excuse to give up. It should not be. Know that your failures are normal and are a part of the learning process. Know that successful couples went through the same difficulties as you, and persevered. Having a wife who slides back into disrespect, or a husband who hasn’t learned to discipline well, doesn’t mean you have failed. it means you need more time to learn. It happens to nearly everyone.

I have heard from many couples who praise discipline for what it has done for their marriage. They had peace come to their marriage, and much greater closeness, when the man took charge clearly, and then began to discipline his wife. But each of these couples who sing praises of this order in marriage also had to persevere over time. They had to wait for some of its benefits to appear. It took sacrifice, work, learning, and making adjustments. If you don’t realize that, it will be tempting to quit early on. But that is exactly the time you need to be learning, and more fully embracing your roles. Fulfillment of all of its goals will come with time, and you can be confident of that. Take pleasure in the small rewards you see in the short term, and know that you will see more as you grow in leadership and submission. You will be beautifully one, acting in harmony and with love.


53 responses to “Common Difficulties in Starting Spanking”

  1. Thank Aron for another thoughtful article,

    As a husband, my biggest challenge was consistently enforcing the rules. I would often second-guess myself and talk myself out of giving a spanking. I would think things like, “She didn’t really mean to break the rules”, or “Maye I wasn’t clear about the rules.” This left her unsure about whether I cared about the rules and her behavior or not. I’m learning that we are both better off when I don’t question myself and just spank.


    1. Yes, consistency is very important. There is also a natural urge to just let things go, because giving discipline can be a task. I know what you mean. However, in almost all of these cases, I’ve seen my wife knew what she needed to do, and she had been told already. There may legitimately be cases in which you are missing information, and in which something she did was justified, so it’s worth hearing her out. However that’s not going to happen often. If she broke the rules she needs to be punished, and it does leave her unclear if you do not enforce the rules. The spanking will be good for her.

    2. QuietManDD22 Avatar

      I have thought that way as well Eric. Sometimes I told myself “maybe she doesn’t deserve a spanking, maybe just a lecture will do” Then it was kind of “all bark and no bite” and that didn’t work well. I had to learn to take a risk that I might regret. I had to trust that my wife would not become bitter if I made a mistake and disciplined her without just cause and that she would be brave enough to be honest with herself and I about the way her discipline made her feel. Also that even if I screwed up it could still be a valuable learning experience for both of us.

  2. Early in our marriage I was very inhibited from using physical correction even though Jane was behaving badly because of the fear of the potential legal consequences. I knew my father in law spanked his wife but even this didn’t make be feel spanking was an option available to me or at least an option I felt comfortable implementing.

    As I have related elsewhere rather than spank Jane I ended up asking Jane’s father for help. I wasn’t asking him to spank her of course but I had observed how obedient Jane was to him when we dated and I guess I thought a good talking to by her father would get things back on track.

    The night I called him Jane wasn’t home so hr arrived before she returned home. I saw right away he had brought a nasty looking strap so I knew he wasn’t going to just talk to her. I resolved that I wouldn’t raise any objections to him spanking her but this isn’t what happened.

    Her immediate and submissive compliance as he prepared her to be spanked emboldened me to use the strap when he said in matter of fact way this is your job. So I gave her the first spanking from me , at first very inadequately but upon his encouragement I eventually gave her a pretty severe spanking

    This resulted much to my surprise in an attitude of submission from Jane and later that night a strong desire on her part to be intimate. I realized my fears were unfounded, Jane expected me to spank her and she would never question my right to correct her this way.

    So in essence it my fear of legal consequences that was the barrier that created the use of CDD problematic early in our marriage

  3. Deserving Avatar

    It’s all of these things Aron!

    I am so glad you included the consistency, not too harsh of spankings, and being in the right mindset for men. Men are so important and you lay it out perfectly.

    I want to offer some advice for both of the men and wife readers. Don’t be afraid to highlight the sexual commands and service in your marriage. Especially wives- be open to them. When you learn to accept them, you are accepting your husbands leadership. Husbands, I would never tell you what to do- but I would suggest trying it. For me, these special acts of service strengthen our marriage, even today after 20 plus years!

    For my husband, he knew I needed it more at the beginning. He knew that the thank you blowjobs after a spanking, oral training, and consistently connecting our bodies in the marriage bed would be an effective way to lead me to submission. His lectures, prayer sessions, and overall guidance were so important, but as I look back it was those intimate times that really softened me and brought me to that submissive state for him.

    Even now as we have been married for a long time, those sexual acts are so bonding for us. Whether it is in his commands after a spanking, in times I need to enhance my submission, or just when we both need to be sexually connected, it’s in these moments I am reminded of my role as a wife and therefore our marriage thrives.

    Thanks again for laying it out this way with the perfect reminders. Your words are helpful to so many.

    1. You’re very welcome. I appreciate your helpful advice or our readers.

  4. Hi Aron,
    Thank you for this well-thought out and very comprehensive piece. As you know my husband and I have only been at this since mid-August and yet in that short time we have gone through so many permutations in our relationship. In the very beginning, he definitely started out very lightly in his discipline, but for me it was like a starving person finally getting some food. I was just so relieved that he had decided to enter into this. I hadn’t expected that my major emotion upon first getting spanked would be relief, but it really was… It was like knowing that everything was going to be okay from here on out, that I was going to be taking care of, that I would no longer have to hunger for something that would be unfulfilled – yes, it was just such a huge sense of fulfillment.
    In the beginning, my new found commitment to submission carried things along, but really I had no idea what submission truly looked like or meant, although I went overboard offering various rules he could have for me. (Actually he just said that he likes them all so I guess maybe I wasn’t that much overboard?)
    As things progressed though, we hit so many bumps in the road. So many of them are covered in this piece that you just wrote. At first he wasn’t entirely consistent, he was definitely afraid of bruising me, and for me, I discovered that submission not only meant submission when everything made sense and seemed right to me, but also submission even when I found his decisions to be annoying or frustrating. And actually that part has been a long journey even up to the present time.
    I think the one thing that has helped things along is that as bad as I am at submitting at times, I committed in my heart to never refuse whenever he wanted to discipline me even if I disagreed with the premise. I’ve also been learning when things just feel strange between us that it is good to just submit myself to him and ask for him to discipline me, sometimes the reason doesn’t matter as much as just that I come underneath him.
    I’ve also gone through several weeks of just feeling like a total failure about this whole enterprise, wondering if I should ask to go back to an egalitarian marriage where we’re both equal blah blah blah, which you did not make room for when I asked you about it, and neither will my husband make room for it either. But that’s not what I want anyway. I’ve had to learn that submission needs to take me deeper than I sometimes think it would go, and it’s best just to let my beloved do things his way, let him make the rules, let him decide when I need to be corrected and not argue, and let him shape me.
    On his part I am ashamed to admit that he’s pretty much stuck with taming a shrew, and I feel very much like a failure much of the time, I have left him quite frustrated, I myself have at many times been very confused and frustrated, and he told me that he has thought of giving up as well. But we have not given up. And again today we find ourselves very much in peace and harmony with one another. I find myself again willing and able to take his verbal corrections, tremble at crossing him, and we are feeling very close and like we are doing much better.
    I suppose one thing that has been consistently helpful for me is the sense of the people around us who are cheering us on and leading us forward with their advice and help. We’ve encountered several people in this movement that just seem to be specifically placed in our path as gifts from the Lord to give us exactly the advice we need as we have needed it, and to encourage our hearts in just the right way. (Of course Aron, via this blog you have been one of those people to a super huge degree.)

    The sexual submissive side that you write about is something I don’t fully understand, as sex is the one place where we always seem to effortlessly be one and I instantly find my place underneath his headship. When we were dating and I was a fearful virgin, I asked my husband to be to promise never to have sex with me, but to always make love to me. He very much seemed to like this request and agreed to it heartily. Sex is the one form of submission that is always effortless. I fully delight for him have me any way he wants me, and even when I somehow dreamed that we were equal in our marriage, when we were making love I always knew it was something completely different than that. I’m still waiting to find out when obeying him sexually might be challenging. He could command me into different positions but I already get in whatever position he wants me in at any time anyway. Maybe I’m saying too much, but since you talk about these things here I am just being open and replying. Thus far the most challenging sexual thing in our lives ever has been accepting when he says we will but later on says he is too tired that night. That’s probably the only thing that has ever resulted in me having to learn to yield to him in sexual things that feel difficult. And this realm though, he has never really commanded me much sexually, but it is his love that I so easily feel that has always made it so effortless to submit in our marriage bed. This is true even when we have had a disagreement, I could never say no or refuse him although I will tell him if my heart is hurting while we are in that place together. Physically we always belong to each other, although it is a belonging where he is specifically above me, where he has the rate of taking, and I have the right of being taken. So sometimes when I read this stuff about sexual training I just so completely wonder if we are missing something and there is supposed to be a difficulty here that I must overcome.

    Sex is a good reset for us to understand our roles again when things have gotten skewed. And so is his chastening of me. While physical yieldedness is perhaps not our struggle, my mouthiness definitely is. I am very grateful for your post in which you exude patient understanding towards wayward women like me who are just learning to temper their disrespect. I think a lot about advice you gave on some comment where you said to be in awe of our husbands, and day by day I am learning to stop resisting and to immediately embrace his words and his authority, his judgments, and his decisions. Somebody talked on one of your posts about how they thought your post was putting wives in the place of dogs needing to be trained and how demeaning that is. Well, I will agree with that person in some limited respects to say uncritically: I do best when my husband has me on a very short leash.

    But anyway yes, almost all these things you have written you just have us pegged 100%. Thank you for continuing to instruct us and encourage all of us onward, especially us newbies.

    1. Thank you for sharing your experience, Heather. I’m very glad to be able to help. I’m sure as you continue to grow in submission you will overcome some of the obstacles you still feel frustrated by. I appreciate your devotion to becoming a better wife. That’s wonderful you’ve had mentors who could help you learn too. It can be a lonely journey without them. Blessings.

    2. Hello Heather! Welcome to this lifestyle! I wish you and your husband many blessings. I was moved by your comment that when things felt weird between the two of you, you leaned into submission and asked for discipline. The best thing you can do as a wife is to place yourself in his wise hands.

      I do want to share that service to your husband can take many forms and doesn’t need to be an unpleasant experience for you if that’s not how you feel. If you are obedient to him and working towards his pleasure and happiness, you are serving him well. Why shouldn’t a woman enjoy making her husband happy in any way that he commands her to? Cooking a delicious dinner happens to be something I enjoy as much as he enjoys eating it. My husband has reassured me that my service of him in our bed doesn’t need to be any different. Sometimes a position may be uncomfortable or difficult to hold, but mostly it’s been something I enjoy along with him. I’m sure your husband counts your enthusiasm as a blessing. This is my humble opinion, though. Why don’t you ask him if he thinks you need to experience discomfort in service? There are plenty of other things you could do if he felt it was necessary for your growth. My husband would probably have me mow the lawn, as he knows how much I hate that chore. Thankfully, he doesn’t mind this, and it’s one of the ways in which he protects and cares for me. Love and service can overlap beautifully.

  5. Hello Aron,

    You are wise to continually praise the benefits of discipline and the need to persist past the difficulties couples may experience. Thank you for all you’re doing to support godly marriage and male headship. You are a rare voice of reason in these times. My husband and I expect the birth of our first child soon, and as we are preparing for this blessing and the joyous Christmas season, I am so thankful for his headship of our marriage. This child will be born to a godly man who knows how to shepherd his family with strength and love.

    As a woman, I can only speak to the wives out there who may still be struggling to accept the path their husband has chosen. Fear is still an obstacle for me every single time I’m disciplined, but I’ve come to think of it as part of the punishment that I must face and overcome to experience the peace that comes afterwards and the grace of my husband’s forgiveness. Love for God and trust in my husband are the only things that help me bear that pain, but it is far, far outweighed by the benefits to our marriage. Giving myself over to my man fully, though difficult sometimes, is the role God expects of me and what brings me closest to Him. Listen to your husband and honor God by obeying your man. You will be rewarded.

    For the wife who is here because she craved discipline in her marriage, please be careful not to let your ego compete with your husband’s authority over you. God placed a desire for discipline in my heart before I ever met my husband. Then it took an enormous amount of courage for me to humbly share this with him. I was embarrassed because I didn’t know any man in real life who would say yes to this lifestyle. I know now that it was God, and not me, who convinced him that punishment is a part of true leadership in marriage, but I held on to some stubborn pride for longer than I care to admit. I thought I had an idea of how discipline should be done, and when I deserved it and when I didn’t. Even reading Aron’s blog, which is intended as guidance for a man, sometimes made me think I had a voice in my own discipline. Of course, a woman can ask her husband to be spanked, but she can’t deny him when he decides it’s time or question how it is applied. That goes against the very nature of the woman’s role.

    Most of the time, I feel like submission comes naturally to me, and I’m grateful to God for placing meekness in my heart (more women should listen to their heart over their brain). So it was a surprise to me how much pride I held on to and how much the humbling aspect of a spanking was necessary for me. As my leader, my husband helped me to see this. In his hands, I’ve learned lessons I didn’t realize I needed to learn. I knew I was flawed and in need of God’s grace, but I thought my husband would just be helping me abide by lessons I already learned but couldn’t stick to (mostly getting things done around the house and being on time). I wasn’t prepared to have to face my pride and my vanity, or to step back and let my husband decide how to handle me when I had my own ideas. I am continuing to wrestle this, among other sins, with the immense love and understanding of my husband.

    For the women brave enough to ask their men to spank them when they need it, don’t forget that you are handing over the reigns to him. He will decide when, why, how hard, and how much to spank you, just as he will make the other decisions which guide your lives together. Trust in him and be grateful.

    1. Thank you, Sophia. Your child is very blessed to have you both as mother and father. I know you must be very excited about the coming birth. I appreciate your growth in womanhood, and your helpful counsel to other women. Blessings.

  6. At first my husband only punished me for big mistakes involving the ground rules.
    Now I am also punished for small mistakes, my husband said that as we evolve as a couple it is normal for him to become more demanding and detail-oriented, in order to make me constantly evolve.
    Yesterday I was punished because I burned the rice for dinner, I found the reason to be very futile for a difficult punishment I received
    My husband asked what I was doing that I forgot the rice in the pan, I said I was on my cell phone, scrolling through social media while waiting for the rice to be ready and distracting myself
    My husband said he was sorry, but he would have to punish me, I replied saying that that was a very small reason to justify a punishment
    My Husband said that burning the rice might seem silly, but if he didn’t punish me I’d think I could get distracted on my phone and burn the food again without suffering consequences.
    he said that he works hard all day and that when he gets home he wants something that is at least delicious and warm, and that as his helper on the journey of life this is one of my obligations
    not punishing myself would encourage more distraction and laziness.
    he said he would give me a hard time that would leave my ass throbbing for days to help me record the lesson
    and that he would add extra punches for my confrontational and questioning attitude, he said that it is not my role to decide whether or not the reason warrants punishment, that is his role.
    My husband said it’s been 5 years of CDD marriage and it’s past time I learned to accept punishment without question. that just goes to show that he needs to tighten things up for me.

    1. Hello Ninna, Thanks for your comment. I don’t think that ordinarily a problem with dinner warrants giving a punishment. It is too light a matter. However, if you really were being negligent, and that negligence caused it, then I can see how there’s a case for it.

      As long as it is done respectfully there’s not a problem with a woman questioning why she is being spanked. To some degree this can be helpful so that a woman understands better why she’s getting spanked, and can see her excuses as poor defenses for her behavior. Understanding helps her grow more from the spanking. It should not be an argument, or take a long time, but some degree of question and answer is not inherently rebellious.

      I assume hen you write “extra punches” you mean extra strokes. Actual punching with fists is not a part of the normal spanking process, which is typically with an instrument on the bottom.

      Take care.

  7. Hi there Aron. Really appreciate all the advice on this site – I use it often in running my home. I introduced spanking into my marriage around 3 years ago but am having challenges with my wife staying in position during punishments. She doesnt put her hands back to block but there is always excessive squirming and moving about. Ideally I’d like her to keep her bottom stuck up and kept still. What are your suggestions for improving position during a spanking?

    1. Hello Brock, Congratulations on getting started with spanking in your marriage. I’m sure you’ve seen the changes already. I’m happy the website has been of help to you.

      Some women do have difficulty staying in position during a spanking, but it can be overcome with time and perseverance. Many husbands will give a wife extra strokes if she moves around too much, or even a second punishment. It may also be time and experience for her that does the trick.

      Make a point to speak with her about her need to be still before the spanking begins, to reinforce the importance and motivate her. There are also husbands that use restraints, but I would not advise this unless it is truly necessary, and I don’t use them myself.

      Please let us know how it works for you. I hope you can make some progress.

      1. Aron, thanks so much for getting back to me. You have become almost like a mentor figure for these past few months since I’ve found your site. I have tried all the things you mention above but have had little progress with her staying in position. I’ve begun to wonder if I’m being too strict in requiring that she keeps her bottom raised for the duration of a spanking. I don’t find it personally offensive when she gets out of position, and I know my spankings are hard, but I find it to be disrespectful. We’ve had conversations about how I require her lower back to stay arched and her bottom raised until the end of a punishment. We’ve discussed the importance of it before, during, and after a spanking. I’ve tried adding additional swats, cornertime, and spanking her bottom again later that day but nothing seems to improve the behavior. It’s one of the few areas I’ve struggled making progress in and I fear letting it go completely will make me come across as inconsistent after I’ve stressed so much the importance in it. Am I being too nit picky in requiring this?

        1. Hello Brock, I don’t think it is nit picky to expect her to remain in position. Small amounts of squirming are sometimes unavoidable, but she should be able to keep her bottom in the air. It’s a matter of self discipline for her, and also of obedience to you. I believe any woman can learn to stay in position. I’d keep working on it.

        2. Brock An obedient wife submits to her punishment and if she is disobeying your commands you must deal with it. Of course, some squirming is to be expected but getting out of position is disobedience. There was one time when I was strapping Jane and she got out of position by standing up hopping up and down and rubbing her behind. I told her I hope she enjoyed her spanking because now we are starting over again. She begged me not to start over, but she needed to understand about submitting to correction, so the spanking began over. She hasn’t left position since this time. I should add you have to be reasonable, a spanking needs to be something a wife doesn’t want repeated, but you must be very careful to ensure you are causing no real harm when you spank her. Women need to be spanked to learn obedience and submission, but her wellbeing should be your first priority

    2. Midwestmom Avatar

      I think I can give a suggestion to something different you can try. We started doing sets of 10- they are hard, fast and heavy but I can stay perfectly still, bottom raised for them. I get a small break in between where I can move a bit, reposition myself and ask for the next set.

      It’s a much harsher punishment and does require self discipline to stay put. It has completely cut out any and all squirming while the paddle is being used though.

    3. Hi Brock,

      I second the “sets of 10” that midwestmom suggested. Although I don’t know what you are using to spank her, for some implements, 10 is an entire discipline session. (My one friend gets the paddle and 10 is enough to leave her in serious tears.). Whereas I get “the plastic hanger” (sounds silly but it seriously stings, probably similar to a loopy) or the belt, and usually get between 40 and 80, depending on what is going on, but always broken into sets of 10 and 20.

      In the beginning I try to get into “good form” locking my muscles into the right place. Sometimes that helps, other times it doesn’t. But maybe she could practice that, like just getting into position and having to hold it for several minutes without getting spanked? Maybe just give her a handful of swats at the end of a long hold, but not many, just to get used to a certain position?

      My husband gives 10 first that are easier and lighter than what will come later (they still hurt, just not as bad as the main ones.) Maybe they could be considered a “warm up.” I squirm but I don’t squirm so far to affect his ability to deliver. He just kind of chases my butt to wherever I move it but that’s usually not too far. I think the warm-up though helps me get used to what is coming and hold position somewhat.

      Then comes the medium ones or hard ones, and usually I’m squirming a little for those at first but at some point mentally I give myself over to them and just put my head down and take them. Putting my head down and concentrating on submission really helps, it’s a letting go of resisting the pain to just accept it as it comes. It’s a state of mind and I usually don’t get there until the spankings really hurt, ironically. It’s sometimes a matter of taking them into them into my heart, other times it’s too painful to know how to do that in the moment, but it’s a matter then of just relegating myself to what he wants to do.

      I guess the one other thing I can think of that might help is — instead of having her put her butt in the air, you could try positions where her body is more anchored into position by something. Maybe she needs you to be her anchor with over-the-knee spankings with small implements that work for that (hand, loopy, hanger, small paddles, etc.) where you can hold her torso with one arm, lock your leg around her legs, and spank with the other hand. Sometimes my husband has me kneel/bow on the bed but he gets on the bed next to me, and can wrap one arm around my waist and spank my bottom moving the strokes backwards towards himself. Or, pile some couch pillows over a high bed so she stands with feet on the floor and has to lean over the pillows. Or, there’s the old school-“assume the position” spanking position, with hands in front on some furniture or a wall, feet planted on the floor and straddled wide, leaning over so you still hit her butt and not the lower back (which is dangerous.). I’ve also seen diagrams of spankings where someone lays on their back and brings their knees up to their chest, sometimes held there with one hand of the spanker, and the other hand is used for spanking the bottom that way. Anyway, maybe different positions could be helpful.

  8. Fear has definitely been a stumbling block for me. When we first started out with discipline, I was often indignant that I would be getting punished because I thought my husband should see that I am trying and I should be given credit for what I did right. But I had to think about it and I realized he does do that. But when I stumble I need his strong leadership and to put me on the right path. God has answered many a prayer of mine that submitting to my husband is the correct thing to do.

    And I think that’s where many couples may have difficulty….. not putting Christ at the center of their relationship. People often mistake a marriage like ours for being husband centered but that is not true. Every single thing we do in our lives is for the glory of God. And sometimes that looks like me standing in a corner with a reddened backside.

    Men have such a difficult role in the family as leaders and breadwinners and the voice of Godly reason.

    1. Darcy,
      I absolutely love this comment.
      Amen sis ❤️

  9. Well, since my other comment wasn’t allowed… Women who are in these relationships. Get out. Seriously. This is unbiblical and abusive. Men should never lay a hand on a woman. They should have enough respect and love for their wife to not do that. It’s sad seeing things like this online. And to know there’s nothing that can be done. Why? Because all comments have to be approved and there’s no way of reporting this shit. Wtf is wrong with you Aron? Can’t even use your true identity because you know you would get in trouble. I pray I never marry a man who feels he has to control me and hurt me for selfish gain. I pray for these women and men who comment on here as well to see the truth.

    1. Hello M, You need to take the time to step back and see through your emotions, and your assumptions in making a comment like this. The first thing that strikes me, while you are absolutely convinced someone is being abused, is that you encourage people to do acts of violence themselves — that is the violence of divorce, which the Lord himself compares to bloodshed, and which in life regularly results in actual bloodshed. That is a terrible destructive thing to encourage, and causes far more harm, for much longer, to far more people than a spanking does. Divorce is evil.

      You further assume that spanking is “abuse” when you really have no means to prove that. You just don’t like spanking. It offends and scares you, but there is nothing abusive about it. People under authority need to do as they are told, and people under authority regularly get disciplined. That’s normal. They get disciplined by parents, but husbands, by employers, and by the state. None of that discipline is abusive unless there is something inherently unjust about it. That means that as long as a husband is fair and self controlled in his actions, spanking is an acceptable and normal use of authority.

      To accept discipline by every other authority on earth, but viciously attack discipline by a husband, only reveals what the real enemy is, and the real enemy is NOT the act of spanking. It is MALE AUTHORITY which you hate and which you are in rebellion against. That’s why you’re fine with agents of the state in special uniforms wrestling a criminal to the ground and putting him literally in chains, even encouraging the state to do such when the situation calls for it, yet you pretend like a spanking is the worst thing that can happen to a wife, and a terrible crime itself. A spanking is just a spanking, and if you were not swollen with anger and pretension of virtue, you would not be getting all upset about some swats on the behind. It hurts far less, and for a much shorter time, than many other punishments meted out on this earth. For that, spanking is very merciful by comparison, and very humane.

      Nothing can be done against teaching spanking online, and there’s no purpose in reporting it because, despite the current feminist society, consensual relationships in which spanking is practiced are perfectly legal. People spank one another all the time and every single day. No one gets arrested but on an extremely rare occasion. It can be freely discussed online. Women who are spanked in marriage knew getting married they would be spanked, or they agreed to it after getting married. Many women seek out getting spanked, and encourage their husbands to be stronger, and to discipline them. Women know it is helpful to them, even if it’s intimidating in the moment. It is rewarding and fulfilling to them, and for the marriage.

      No man has to “control you or hurt you.” That is completely true. However, every married man has an authority position. That is called being a husband, and as a husband he not only has a right, but a responsibility to lead his wife. He leads her in virtue, and for her own good, and he corrects her when she needs correction. If he did not do that, he wouldn’t be doing his job. It is not based on any anger he has, nor on pride, but on the job he has to do. He with meekness and humility leads the home. He disciplines those under him out of love. If you cannot see that, you simply refuse to see. It is in principle the same as any other authority on earth, even if marriage has its own unique details. Leadership and correction come from LOVE.

      Spanking is biblical, as the man’s position as leader in marriage is ordained by God. The Bible teaches that. It furthermore is biblical in that spanking is multiple times permitted and even mandated in Scripture. Therefore, that form of punishment itself cannot be said to be wrong. What’s actually not biblical is trying to strip the man of his real authority, and take his right to discipline away from him. That is completely antithetical to biblical headship, just as a form of love which does not punish evil is antithetical to biblical love. Some of your language is also far from biblical.

      I believe you need to return to Scripture on your knees, and ask God wisdom in this matter. You are simply way off base here, and must humble yourself. The spanked wife is loved by her husband. He is doing the same job any other authority on earth does.

    2. M,
      If a man “controls and hurts” his wife for “selfish gain” that indeed is evil and wrong and abusive, and who would want that?

      But what about the women, like me, who begged their husbands to take them in hand? Some of us that know what it is to be blessed with loving and attentive discipline, feel very unloved if our husbands don’t attend to disciplining us on a regular enough basis? Would you just pathologize that, or accept it as a real and legitimate experience within marriage?

      This blog set me free. I had all these repressed things going on in me, repressed because people like you would shame me for wanting a man over me, and wanting to feel His strength and dominance over me even to the point of being held to his heart with discipline, repressed because I had been taught somewhere or another even unconsciously that I needed to “stand up” to any attempt my husband might make to show he thought he had any authority, and that if I didn’t, I was lacking self-respect and some sort of false noble virtue. I find now that I like the more ancient virtues of subjection, meekness, obedience, etc, much much more.

      There is such liberty and peace and freedom in being properly aligned with my husband in this. It also felt like a sexual awakening in some sense, being able to admit what I *really* wanted in the dance of male and female. And to finally not be ashamed.

      Instead I get to be ashamed of things I actually SHOULD be ashamed of, like refusing the natural authority of my man, disrespecting him as my head and my leader, dishonoring or disobeying him. And that’s a clean shame, one that doesn’t leave me feeling something is needing to be repressed but something that can be brought into the open and dealt with between us easily and appropriately, on my backside.

      A spanking is the ability to revisit submission when submission should have been more easily rendered earlier, it is the chance to re-establish the rightful (and sexy) dominance of my husband where it should be, and my place of peaceful meekness under him. Try it, you might be surprised what it is actually like. My husband was nervous the first few times he tried it and yet he found things awakening in him that he was trained to dismiss and was shocked he felt. He said, “There’s a whole other man inside me.” Indeed.

      (By the way, I have a blog if you want to get inside the head of a disciplined wife any further. Just click my name.)

      1. Heather,

        I love your blog! I also would love to connect to a CDD group. I have seen your comments on the other posts regarding Aron having a presence on Facebook, and I have often felt the same.

        Please email me if you have a moment. I’d love to connect!

        1. Hi Tina! Thank you for your kind words! I saw that you are looking for mentors, and you might enjoy joining some of the the support/chat groups some of us started (a woman’s group, co-ed group, and men’s group. Well, not the men’s group, obviously, but your future husband may enjoy that one.)
          I look forward to connecting with you — I don’t have a way to email you as you didn’t leave your email address, but mine is .
          Blessings and I look forward to your email 🙂

      2. Hi Heather… I would like to read your blog… But when i click the name it says i was not invited to read it

      3. “… being held to his heart with discipline”

        What a beautiful way to put it, Heather.

        M, you should be careful about praying for people to see the truth, when you don’t want to see the truth.

  10. Struggling with consistency is my biggest pitfall, which has lead to a bigger lack of respect from my wife. Our lives are complicated, there’s constantly some sort of stressor that affects my wife and along with that comes my softness to her actions due to the current situation, which becomes a tumbleweed rolling along and getting bigger…we’ve seen the benefits, I just need to work through my consistency struggles. Thanks for all your insight Aron

    1. You’re welcome, Shaun. I think you will see improvement as you continue to work on your consistency. That is especially true if a woman has more of a rebellious streak, and needs to be kept more clearly within the rails. But it is useful with any woman.

      It will help to first plan out what you need to do, some of what you will say, and prepare a time for her discipline. Order your schedule around it. Some training may do her good if she has ongoing problems.

      Let us know how it goes.

  11. lesleyderby Avatar

    Thanks Aron for the article I can relate to fear in being spanked, it was 2 weeks into our marriage when I first got punished with the leather strap. I was very nervous about my first punishment and fear was also very much within me as I had my naked pre punishment cornertime.
    When I was instructed to kneel on the bed with my shoulders down and bottom pushed up, my fear intensified, after the first stroke of the strap landed I felt the pain in my bottom and immediately tears came to my eyes, I must have not kept position as my husband instructed me to keep my bottom up high. I received 6 hard strokes on my first punishment which I found very hard to take and keep my position and my bottom was very sore indeed.
    Keeping position was something I found very difficult in the early days, but my husband always insisted on having my bottom presented properly before the next stroke was given and on a few occasions extra strokes were given as encouragement to maintain a well presented bottom.
    I am now able to keep my bottom well presented during a punishment and very rarely need to be reminded unless it is a particularly hard stroke that makes me loose concentration.
    The other thing I am fearful of is that my husband has always kept a cane that he says will only be used should my behaviour be bad or persistent enough to warrant, to date it has not been used on me but each month as a ritual I have to give it a wipe over with Linseed oil. I must admit just having it in my hands puts fear into me and knowing that it could be used on me is a reminder to watch my behaviour.

    1. Hi Aron
      It is entirely possible to be a godly wife and mother and have a career. Justice Amy Coney Barrett is an excellent example of this. From all accounts it appears that Amy has a committed and deeply religious marriage, she has seven children, the youngest of which has special needs. She has also served in positions of female leadership on her church. Her religious beliefs appear to shape every aspect of her life. Of course, it is also godly to stay at home full time with your children and take up a traditional mother/wife role. Both pathways can work for Christian women. Camping, attending a new school, or hiking rarely comes with brutal regular punishment. So I don’t think these are useful comparisons. Most workplaces encourage their employees to offer opinions, suggestions and show initiative. Many parents encourage their children to learn through questioning, exploring and challenging the world around them. Everybody follows rules, which is how families, societies, nations and global arrangements work. It’s really looking at what those rules mean in practice. It sounds like it has been difficult for your wife to take punishment over the last 17 years. You write in great detail as to the depth, length and severity of what you do to her.. You appear to take great pride in hurting her to the extent that she feels the impacts for days afterwards. I am intrigued that you can profess to understand what happens in women’s hearts and minds through practices of CDD. In reality we can only ever really know our own hearts and thoughts. Anything else is only a perception

      1. Hello Honor, I don’t do long debates here, but I’ll give you one more reply. If you are sincerely interested in further answers, you can write my e-mail.

        It is not possible to be a godly wife and mother while having a career. That is because being a wife and mother is a full-time job, and so is a career, often even more than full time. Women who have a career leave their children alone, which is wrong, and also let other people train their children most of the time, which is also wrong. They hire other people to do their work in the home. So essentially they abandon the job, and let other people do it. This is wrong.

        I’ve never seen a career woman spend her days serving her husband, caring for the home, or teaching her children. Plus the macro effects of this selfish lifestyle are also easily seen, in the youth receiving someone else’s values instead of their parents’, the mental illness, crime, drugs, suicide, divorce, and broken homes. That is to say nothing of the filthy effects of putting women through higher education.

        Amy Barrett needs to go home and do her job as a wife, and let a man do the government job, many of whom are more qualified than her and can do it better. According to the POTUS, only a woman was going to get her position, so she needed sexual discrimination to be hired in the first place.

        One further thought: take a look at the now fully broken family of Sarah Palin. It’s over for them. He career and independent lifestyle did not help. 

        “Camping, attending a new school, or hiking” all come with difficulty, exertion, unexpected changes, and often serious danger. Yet people agree to them regularly before having the full experience. So you do not have a fair objection here. You simply want to argue. My wife knows what a spanking is and she knows that one hurts. She consented to my headship as well as to my discipline.

        You are moved by your emotions, Honor, and have simply stigmatized spanking, and stigmatized men who are in charge of their wives. You portray women wrongly as if they are victims, or somehow oppressed. You could make the exact same objections to anyone under authority, because anyone under authority also has to obey rules, and can be disciplined, sometimes in ways far more serious than a spanking. Being led, following rules, and disciplined are normal and just things for one under authority.

         You also assume that wives, or my wife in particular, simply have no voice. That is false. She has a voice, but it is simply not the voice which makes authoritative decisions. She may offer her opinions, and express her needs. She can share her thoughts. All of those things are valuable. Yet it is my voice which makes the decisions. You need to have a much more three-dimensional understanding of how marriage works, with a man in charge, before you start making judgments and criticizing others.

        It’s interesting you say I cannot read hearts, but you yourself are assuming how things work in my marriage, assuming that I am “proud,” and assuming my wife is some kind of victim. I suppose you are the mind reader.

        I don’t need to read anyone’s mind, my wife included. A spanking is a trial, but it is not damaging, and has very rewarding effects in the short and long term. That’s why I use it. I have seen my wife benefit over time, only confirming my convictions. It is difficult for her for a matter of minutes, and then there is greater peace, and the matter is forgotten.

        That is very merciful when compared to some punishments — such as getting fired or ending up in prison — whose results can last for years. It is also merciful compared to hours, days, or years or years of bickering, fighting, and coldness between spouses. It is the superior approach.

        Do not pity women who get spanked, Honor, as most of the time they have earned it by their behavior, and it will better them in the long run. They are far from the only people in the world being disciplined, and not enjoying it for the moment. The world is full of such people, but for some reason you insist wives are the victim.

        I believe learning more about this subject, as well as about how these marriages work, will give you a better view. I’d encourage you to put a pause on judging and reacting, and get to know that in most instances all we’re talking about is a normal and happy Christian marriage. You will also in time see the rewards of discipline, and understand many women know it is rewarding.

  12. Mary Anne Avatar

    My husband has read this post and found it very insightful. I struggle with backtalk a lot and he decided to put an end to it. He will be using regular spankings for the next week. Every day after he comes home from work I am expected to serve him dinner and after the dishes to go straight to our bedroom and wait naked face down on our bed. He said he will be using any instrument for the spanking he sees fit and I am not to speak unless spoken to or we will start over. I am nervous and embarrassed it has come to this but I understand how badly my back talk has gotten and how much I need this. He has asked if you have any other suggestions to add for discipline for back talk and rudeness. Thank you for the post and God bless.

    1. Hello Mary Anne, I’m glad that article was helpful. I don’t have any further suggestions. I think you know what the problem is and what you need to work on. I don’t generally recommend daily spankings, but they can serve as a reminder if the problem really is continual. Since they are so frequent, the spankings should not be very severe. I hope that it works for you soon.

      1. I have been reading your blog for sometime now and you have a lot of thoughts about how women will feel after experiencing often brutal punishment. It is very romanticized. Yet I cannot remember any blog posts in which you wife gives her thoughts and feelings about your marriage is which she is the other party to. Although you clearly outlined your rules before marriage, it seems unlikely that she could have been truly prepared for your lifestyle given that she had never been physically punished before in her life. How can she have truly consented to something she had no experience of? I am also curious as to the age difference between you. I am picking that she is much younger than you? It would be interesting to know that given she has spent 17 odd years with you enduring considerable and regular physical pain, limited rights to use her own voice outside of the home in your presence, regulation in what she wears and very rigid rules whether she would still have chosen to marry you if she had her time again. I wonder what her hopes and dreams once were

        1. Dear Honor, My wife’s “dreams” once were similar to the dreams of the average feminist. She desired advanced education (she already had a college degree), career, and independence. She would not have been an aggressive or radical feminist, but her ideas of life would easily have fit into the feminist mold, something she shared with most family members and friends.

          However, those dreams clearly were less important than doing things the RIGHT way. Often dreams of the heart are little more than vanity at best, wickedness at worst. She put those dreams aside to be a godly wife. She cancelled those plans even before I had proposed, because she knew that we were getting serious. So she put the good above her dreams, thanks be to God. That’s why we are married.

          My wife does not desire to write for my wesbite. I feel no need to oblige her, but if she desires, I think she’d have many helpful things to share, especially in being a submissive wife and homemaker. She’s wonderful at all that she does, and is a good example to other women around us. People consider us a good example of a marriage and home.

          One regularly goes into experiences without knowing everything that experience entails. We go camping without ever having done it before, usually with a more experienced person. Well what if we run into a bear!? Well, what if? We climb a mountain without ever having faced the difficulties of the climb before, some of which are serious. We travel to a new country. We take a new job. We often enroll in a new school with only the knowledge that a good read-up and a tour of the school gives us. We do not expect a full and complete experience of any of these things before we decide to do them.

          That means there is nothing very strange about agreeing to submit, without having fully experienced everything involved in submission, nor is there anything strange about agreeing to be spanked, without having been spanked. We understand a good deal of what that entails, whether we have gone through it or not. There will be a few unexpected things, but that’s how we learn, adapt, and grow in life anyway. She has learned, adapted, and grown through the experience of being led and disciplined.

          What I have given my wife is nothing far beyond what I described to her, which is that I spank with my hand or an instrument, and that it hurts. The experience was new to her, and certainly it isn’t easy to face being spanked the first time or so. Yet she takes it very well. She knows now what to expect from a discipline session, and I have seen good results from spanking her, often in a very short time. If she didn’t learn from it, she’d be spanked more often, but it’s not that common these days.

          I do not discuss my wife’s age, largely for the sake of anonymity. I don’t believe it is relevant to the topic, unless you’re talking about marrying a child, which we are not.

          Following rules is not “rigid.” Everyone on the planet follows rules. I do not have an abundance of rules for my home, either for my wife or children. They are pretty simple rules that ensure the home works harmoniously, there is ethical goodness, virtue is nourished, and evil discouraged. I follow some rules myself, although not precisely the same ones. People only tend to view the rules as being oppressive if they disrespect the authority making them, or if they want to disobey them. Otherwise, rules are simply useful ways to make things function the right way. Ever follow any yourself?

          Nor would my wife expect that her voice is equal to mine. She understands that I make the decisions. She understands I have oversight over all she does. That is part and parcel of a submissive position. Does a company allow its employees to speak in any fashion they desire? Does a parent allow that of their children? There is nothing odd about a wife having limitations on her speech, since she is submissive to her husband, and his voice is the authoritative one.

          My wife has never had any problem with this, even though people such as yourself wrongly try to paint it as a problem. It is good and beautiful for a wife to be meek and modest in her expression, and quiet in her voice. It shows her modest and submissive heart, in an outward way. Praise God. It reflects her humility, while people such as yourself wish upon her pride.

          I believe that addresses all of your concerns. You need to give this subject more thought, and meditation on your heart, to see clearly the goodness of man’s headship in marriage. Authority and discipline are good, and for the purposes of love.


      2. Hi Aron and Honor,
        I often wish I could hear your wife’s voice as well, Aron, and have thought it would be so cool if you maybe would do a post where you “interview” your wife, recording her answers on her behalf. That way she doesn’t have to write, but we still get some of her perspective. Many of the questions Honor asked are questions I had too, thanks for answering him/her. Although I would not have asked in such an accusatory way.
        Your answers, as usual, remind me in no uncertain terms of the reverence and Honor I need to continually embrace towards my own husband. Thank you for holding up such a clear and pure plumbline of the spirit of authority and submission within marriage. (Although you and we would disagree maybe somewhat in the fact that when my husband and I got married my husband affirmed some of my dreams and goals were those we would pursue together, and of course vice versa.)
        But anyway, what ” Honor” perhaps doesn’t know or see is that many submissive wives appreciate greatly and value their husband’s firm hand. This is not always the case entirely, but it often is. The paddling I received today for the argument we had this morning was unwanted and intense, but afterwards I do feel more secure in his love and leadership, and grateful to be brought back under his authority rightly. It’s hard to explain that to someone who doesn’t have that or crave it. Does your wife feel similarly? I am glad you protect her from having to defend herself from critical comments, but still, I suppose “honor” may have chosen their name from the verse about honoring the weaker vessel perhaps. Or maybe not. But I’d still love to hear Aron-wife’s beautiful voice (for without her, this blog wouldn’t exist.)
        However you see fit though. Just a thought I wanted to offer on how it could be done without her actually writing. I’m going to interview my husband on my blog soon as well.

      3. Darcy NH Avatar

        Honor, You may not hear Aron’s wife’s voice on this blog, but if you read the comments you will see many women who are submissive wives commenting. I am one such wife. I knew since I was a teenager that a Godly marriage with a husband at the lead was what I wanted in life. My greatest goal had always been to be a keeper of the home with many beautiful children and a husband at the helm. My prayers were answered with my husband and our six (so far) children who range from 18 months to 10 years.
        Spanking is not even a big part of our life. I am submissive to him, but he honors and respects me and my work in the home and with the children. On the rare occasion I am corrected with a spanking, it is for things that I know I have done wrong. When we first discussed using spanking as a discipline technique for me ( and it was a long discussion) if I had been firmly against it, my husband would not have pushed the issue. It turned out that a spanking makes me feel cleansed and refreshed and ready to be as virtuous a woman as I aspire to. I praise God that I chose to submit to it!
        Age gaps are nothing in these types of marriages. Some of us have gaps (there is seven years between me and my husband) but most marriages like mine the husband and wife are very close in age. That I was a young wife and mother (18 at marriage, 19 at first baby) has nothing to do with the type of marriage I wanted. Like I said, this is what I wanted even years before I got married. This is God’s calling for me.
        If God has not called you and your spouse to have this type of relationship, then that is OK too. I am not judging you. I think there are many ways to honor God in your relationship, and the path that God led me and my husband to is for me to be submissive to him, and allow a firm hand when I need the discipline.

  13. rickmorganhoh Avatar

    Aron, Happy New Year! I can’t even get past number one. That seems to be the biggest and most difficult issue  we have. She has commented, as you’ve stated, that she wants to be submissive and she wants to have a better attitude but it keeps rearing its ugly head. I have been having fewer problems with her lately but just before Christmas she let her attitude get out of control and she was severely punished. Leading up to this most recent spanking she had been very busy with all of the Christmas preparations. We host family and friends in our home during November and December so she had been very busy with decorating, shopping for our grandchildren, baking and cleaning. Also at church she volunteered for the decorating committee and had been busy with that . She also sings in the choir and they had been visiting local nursing homes during December.  And, she was in the middle of a woman’s Bible study, that I insisted she participated in, which I realize requires a lot of reading and preparation. I had been seeing glimmers of attitude during the last few weeks but because she always complied and wasn’t disobedient I let those slide. I knew she was busy and stressed. However looking back I feel I should have punished each of those incidents. I feel like that may have kept this final outburst from happening.  It was the week before Christmas and I had been working in my home office on year end reports. It was close to noon and I knew I had more to do throughout the afternoon. I was ready for a break and some lunch. I called her to my office and instructed her to come to her knees so that I could have her mouth. She threw her head back and let out a loud UHG and said “I really don’t have time to  suck your dick right now”.  I jumped out of my chair and went towards her and did something I never do wich is yell. I told her to go to the bedroom. At that point she started apologizing and saying she would do it and she was so sorry. I yelled again for her to go to the bedroom.  I left her there for longer than I normally do because I was so upset and I knew I needed to calm down. I called a friend of mine who has been a great mentor to me. He helped calm down and suggested I spend some time in prayer before I went in.  I did just that and when I felt like I was in the right frame of mind I went into the bedroom. She was crying and very apologetic. After a stern lecture I put her over my knee spanked her thoroughly and then finished with my belt. As I had more work to do I took her to my office for corner time where I ended up leaving her for over an hour.  Not only because I was busy but because I wanted to prolong the punishment to prove a point. After calling her out of the corner she apologized again and thanked me for spanking her. She then did a very thorough job of giving me head.  I stopped her a couple of times just again to prolong the event. After I finished and told her she was excused I also said that she could put a top on but that she needed to leave her bottom on display for the rest of the day.  I also told her that had she done as she was told it would have taken up maybe 20 minutes of her time but because she chose to be disrespectful it took over 2 hours. She cried most of the rest of the day. I knew she was not only in pain but also embarrassed at having to complete her tasks with a bright red bare bottom. I knew she had to also be frustrated that she’d lost all that valuable time. I told her at dinner I was putting her to bed an hour early as well and that started the flood of tears again. She had a tender bottom for the next 2 days and was very quiet, busy and respectful.  She behaved beautifully while the kids and grand kids were staying at the house and even said called me sir in front of the kids which I do not require. Although I had told her I would not enforce bedtime while they were visiting unless her behavior was bad, she excused herself most nights at her usual required bedtime. I have not had to even warn her since that spanking and I hope this attitude lasts. As always I’d welcome comments and suggestions. 

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    1. Thank you, Rick. I do think many of those situations are avoidable. Some regular, more gentle guidance when a wife starts to get out of line help her better see where the line is, and stay away from acting worse. Even in the instance you described, you could, had you remained calm, simply asked: is that how you speak to your husband? Or you could have said: how do you need to respond to your husband? Seeing that she was busy doing many things, once you verbally corrected her manner of speech, you could have respected the fact that she had real responsibilities, and simply allowed that task to come later.

      I don’t see what you described as a great evil, but simply as a wife who felt very inconvenienced, and never in fact refused you. In fact I see no real disobedience there, just an expression of annoyance. I would handle that with verbal guidance, and I don’t see much cause for severe punishment. Naturally, bringing anger into the mix makes any message you wish to get across more difficult to see. I’d warn against interpreting minor expressions of annoyance like that as bold rebellion or disobedience. We have to be able to distinguish. To treat everything like it’s bold disobedience ends up being totalitarian, and is not good for the home.

      I hope you can see what I am saying.

      1. rickmorganhoh Avatar

        Hi Aaron,While I do you respect your opinion, I don’t agree with you that this was not a punishable offense. I wasn’t punishing her for not wanting to give me head.  She knows she can always make a request as long as she does it respectfully. I would guess that if your wife made this request of you or if it had been my 1st wife making the request it would have been something like “I’m in the middle of something right now” or,  “I’m really busy would it be OK if we waited” that would have gotten a much different response from me. This has been an ongoing issue with Margret. She raised her voice, spoke in a disrespectful tone and used inappropriate language.  As I stated I had given her grace several times in the weeks before when she had shown her attitude. Verbal warnings were given. This was the last straw. However,  I do agree with you that I should not have gotten angry. That is something I regret and have been praying about and seeking counsel from my fellow spanking husbands at church. My frustration level with her is much higher than I would have ever thought it could be. She regularly pushes me and sometimes I do think she is trying to provoke me to get me angry.  Until that day I had never raised my voice to her. I did apologize to her for becoming angry and raising my voice.   I must say though, I have noticed a dramatic change in her attitude lately and I am hoping it continues.  She has only had maintenance spankings since the week before Christmas.  Time will tell but I think by using a firmer hand and some of the strategies I have learned here on your site as well as suggestions from my church group, we are finally making some progress.Thanks again. I always welcome input and suggestions from other spanking husbands. 

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        1. Hello Rick, Thanks for your reply. I was not there, so I do not know precisely what was said. However, if someone is under pressure, and overwhelmed fulfilling many important responsibilities, quickly blurting that out too loud doesn’t sound like serious and intended disrespect. Nor do I see a true refusal. For that reason I still see it as something easily manageable with a talk or a warning. If my wife had important things to do, I would not think to make that request of her to begin with. It is better for another time.

          My wife nearly always replies gently, and can also ask in a respectful way if she wants to put off intimacy. However, in instances when she begins to drift into raising her voice, or speaking harshly, I always respond with verbal correction, possibly with a warning as well. That works most of the time. If my wife continues, then she knows she will be spanked, and it will be a hard one. I don’t hold the reins so tightly that minor stumbles receive a hard correction, but I find the hard correction appropriate for what I am confident is serious and intentional behavior. Anyone can slip up, and right themselves quickly.

          1. rickmorganhoh Avatar

            Maybe you’re right. Maybe I’m too hard on her. 

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          2. I believe so. Give it some thought.

  14. Hi, this is the first time I have written, but I’ve been reading the blog for a while. I’m a young graduate girl and my partner is a former lecturer, very much in the prime of his life. When we started dating I wasn’t aware of his life experience but as we became closer, he told me how his marriage had worked and how incorporating discipline into it had been successful for both parties. I´m mature and respectful for my age, but my man gently pointed out how some more scatty, undsiciplined edges could be spanked out of me. His worldly wisdom and gentleness were great because he naturally eased me into the idea of lying over his knees and taking some hard slaps- initially fully clothed, and with correction administered with the hand. I know I have been lucky, as my partner is well practiced in the art. Big thanks to your blog- I think many people starting or regularly using discipline will benefit the various thoughts of readers.

    1. Hello Chelle, You’re welcome. I’m happy my website has been helpful to you in learning about discipline. An experienced man can help his wife ease into her role better, and make her feel more secure in being led. Even women such as your self, who are generally mature, can benefit from the verbal guidance and spanking. My wife has never been a troublesome woman, but she needs it at times, and it ends her bad behavior quickly.

  15. @brock432:
    It’s disappointing that your wife fails to maintain her position during a spanking.

    Since this seems to be a recurring problem, it sounds like the only solution is to restrain her – both wrists and ankles.

  16. Gary Wilsom Avatar
    Gary Wilsom

    Hi Aron,
    Thanks for the wonderful site, I have been reading the site for months now and have few questions in mind… We have been married for 2 years and your blog has been great help in helping me understand my role and enhancing my wife’s submission.

    However do you think, it’s good to have kids with this kind of relationship? Currently I can discipline, punish her any time, anywhere in the house but with kids, I think it would become difficult and as they mature, they wouln’t understand it properly. Also with kids, she would become busy with them and would probably not be able to devote as much time to serve me.

    Secondly, is spanking on bottom the only way to physically discipline where I think a lot more force is needed to get the message across at times especially when she is repeating the same mistake again and again. Can’t other areas like thighs, tits, pussy be given lighter discipline to her to make her understand her faults? Do you think her breasts/pussy aren’t meant for discipline?

    If not what other ways I can discipline, right now I have just been spanking on her bottom but she is getting used to it I think.

    Kindly share your views. I hope other members can as well share how they discipline apart from spanking on the bottom.

    1. Hello Gary, Thanks for your comment. I’m glad that you have started discipline in your marriage. I’m sure you are managing your wife very well. Discipline is a part of marriage, and having children is a core purpose of marriage. It is natural then, unless there is some medical problem which prevents having children, that a husband uses discipline when children are in the home. That means when they come along, which I hope they will soon, the couple does their best to keep quiet. Either that, or they deal with discipline at times when the children are away. However, if children hear something, I don’t think it’s the end of the world that they know their father spanks their mother. I would not discuss it in any detail, but if they understand what punishment is, they can understand that others receive it too.

      I believe the bottom is the best place for spanking. Other parts of the body are not able to take being struck with much force, and the risk of injury increases when striking elsewhere. I know there are couples that use spanking to other parts of the body, but I do not endorse it. If you find your wife is getting used to spanking, it may be that you need to increase the severity of the spanking. Just look at the results of spanking to see if it’s doing its job. There are other forms of punishment you can use, and I have an article on that as well. That includes having your wife write lines, or even write a paper. You can ground her, give her corner time, or withhold privileges. I only find that spanking is more effective than other methods. It changes behavior quickly, and instills a sense of submission.

      I hope that offers you some insight to help you make future decisions. Take care.

  17. Anonymous Avatar

    Our relationship has only improved through my submission. What I’ve learned is the more submission I have, the more my husband shows his leadership as he does not have to second guess my reaction. Some of the comments here below by women against such relationships, are understandable yet out of context. There is no anxiousness to feel when in a loving relationship that honors each other. I’m not perfectly submissive but feel very proud to serve my husband. That’s love! As for discipline, he always took the lead. He had to understand I would not rail against correction, which only I could display. Once we both understood each other’s needs, it all became so natural. I enjoy discovering and serving his needs, it’s how I can give back for all the ways he loves me. As I’m commenting more, I’ll soon choose a name to post.

    1. Thank you for your comment and for your insights about being a submissive wife.

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