Wives Learn Respectful Speech

One of the first challenges to the wife learning to be submissive towards her husband is learning respectful speech. Her respect for her husband needs to be clear in her words, as well as the loving and gentle tone in which she communicates. Overcome stumbling with the tongue, and you will likely overcome stumbling in much of your behavior as well. Taming the tongue will help remind you of the right heart’s attitude, and while the words we use are not as central as our heart, they are a useful tool in teaching us how to feel in our heart. Words guide not only the hearer, but the one speaking them. I’ve spoken a bit about a wife’s use of words in my article on practical submission, but I’d like to focus more greatly on it here. You cannot underestimate the power of words used for good, or for evil.

The Bible contains a multitude of teachings regarding the tongue. Most do not specifically relate to the woman, but it’s important to review them to understand the power of words. Scripture teaches that our speech should be gentle, and kind. It says to temper all of our words with grace. It teaches that some matters are so filthy we should not even speak about them. It prohibits or warns against lying, slander, cursing, impulsive speech, and gossip. In the New Testament, the apostle James gives a very detailed moral teaching, which includes these verses:

For we all stumble in many things. If anyone does not stumble in word, he is a perfect man, able also to bridle the whole body.

Indeed, we put bits in horses’ mouths that they may obey us, and we turn their whole body.

Look also at ships: although they are so large and are driven by fierce winds, they are turned by a very small rudder wherever the pilot desires.

Even so the tongue is a little member and boasts great things. See how great a forest a little fire kindles!

And the tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity. The tongue is so set among our members that it defiles the whole body, and sets on fire the course of nature; and it is set on fire by hell.

James 3:2-6

This passage reminds us not only to tame our tongue, but that the tongue through its use has much power over the entire body. It warns in the strongest language against the misuse of words, comparing its destructive power to the fires of hell. If such a general warning is important for everyone, it is important as well between man and wife, and in the home. The tongue can bring impurity and destruction to a marriage, just as it brings love and harmony.

One of the most important principles a wife can follow in using words is to remember the purpose of them: it is to honor her husband, and to help him. Words are merely a tool to help her fulfill that role that she has. She is a helper. Her words should clearly show the respect she has for her man as her authority, and should make her useful to him, through serving him. Her mouth, a small organ of her body, is given to her to honor her husband with. She should let this idea sink into her heart, and be reminded always of its purpose.

Using the mouth to disrespect a husband is among the greatest obstacles for wives. Either because of their personality, or their ideology, women often lash out with their words, using them to openly bring their man down. Even women who desire to change this, find out they have an ongoing problem with it, and adapting to loving and submissive language will be a battle. Like other matters in learning to submit, it takes perseverance to win. If you have learned bad habits with your mouth, profanity, disrespect, or rebellion with words, this all can be undone over time. Regular discipline will help, but you have to make a point to learn the right way to speak, and commit yourself to this over and over. Know in your heart how ugly, and how satanic it is to speak badly to your husband. It is the opposite of whom you are meant to be.

One helpful method you can use every day is to make sure you say “Yes” to your husband, and never “No.” Get the latter word out of your vocabulary completely. Even if a “no” seems necessary to use, and inoffensive in context, it’s still a good practice to avoid it. Your goal is always to do your husband’s will, and never to go against it. A “no” sounds like a immediate opposition. If you avoid this word, you will often avoid the tendency to rebel, or to argue with your husband. An expression of support and help is not argumentative. A “no” frequently is. It sets the table for combat. Beyond avoiding this word, is avoiding argumentation in general. Don’t argue with other words either. Find a way NOT to be in opposition, even if you find you disagree. One can offer differing ideas gently, and respectfully, so it’s not necessary to argue in order to express ideas during a discussion. Avoiding ever saying “no” is simply a signal to help you, and move your communication along.

You can learn other ways of using your voice to express helpful ideas, rather than opposing ones. One way is to express your ideas in the form of question. You could ask his thoughts about a certain idea you have, or ask his permission for something. Both of these generally avoid being disrespectful, or openly opposing your husband. “What do you think about this?”  “Would it be alright if . . .?” Methods like these are very useful, as long as you are not being overly persistent with them, in which case they can drift into being politely combative. The key in avoiding that is to make sure you respect your husband’s decision, and you respect when the conversation is over. If you don’t cease the discussion when the discussion is over, it becomes disrespectful. 

Asking questions and asking permission are themselves cues that remind you that you are under his headship. They are cues that remind your husband that he’s the one in charge, and is the one to make the decision. You function more in sync this way. Husbands who have a weak understanding of their own leadership can be reminded of it when you speak so respectfully to them, openly respecting their authority, and presuming in your words that they are in charge. Get used to saying, “May I.” Ask your husband permission regularly for things you wish to do. If there’s something you desire for the home, saying “Can we” is an equally helpful phrase.

Using honorific language also helps train you to show respect, and avoids conflict. Calling your husband “Sir,” which functions both as an indicator of respect, and even an indicator that he has a higher position, keeps the communication on the right level; one of a subordinate speaking to their leader. All it takes is one word, and it can shape the conversation for the better. In much of western culture today it sound strange hearing “sir” used in a marriage. For this reason, many traditional couples don’t use it publicly. However, many still use it privately, and most use it during discipline sessions. My wife knows to address me as “sir” during either a verbal correction or a spanking. Similarly, a phrase like “you’re the boss” or “you make the decisions” is a good one to have on your lips for matters that are not open to debate. They are a verbal declaration you fully understand and respect your man’s headship, and will respect his decision. Respectful language will help remind you, as should other elements of your marriage, that the man is the head. You address him that way over and over.

Use your words to express remorse when you have done wrong. That does not just include serious wrongs that may lead a wife to being spanked, but other smaller ones. This shows you have an awareness that you are answerable to him, and that you are sorry for doing anything that harms him. Apologize sincerely if you do wrong, and explain that you want to do better. This act of humility will help you to continue in humility, and it will remind your husband that you are easy to manage, and willing to take his instructions. Even if your wrong is not a serious one, he can still give you some words of instruction or encouragement. That will help keep you in harmony following him, and cleanse any guilt of wrongdoing. It is also stimulates the soul, enhancing that deep desire to please him.

Use your words to offer help. This can be done in many way, and it can also be done plainly and directly. Just as an assistant at the office might ask, “is there anything I can do to help you,” or, “is there anything you need,” a wife should find it normal to ask these questions as well. At times you may know exactly what he needs and can just bring it to him. Offer your assistance to your husband frequently. Suggest helpful ideas that you think may serve him. If he doesn’t need your help though, that’s fine. Offering to help keeps you on a harmonious form of communication, and is also a reminder of your position, which is a helper and submissive. Keep those words on your lips daily.

Silence is a perfectly valuable use of the tongue as well. The tongue need not always be moving. Keeping yourself silent to allow your husband to speak, and to lead the conversation, is about as important as any language tool you learn. Silence in submission is even taught by the apostles regarding women in marriage, and in the Church. Your silence is an active silence, which allows your husband to take the lead, something some men don’t do so easily. It also shows you are not trying to butt in, or tell him what to do. He speaks, and makes the decision. If you’re unsure if it’s a good time to voice your own thoughts, just ask him. Never butt in yourself.

True silence is accompanied by peacefulness of heart. It is accompanied by a quietness of the soul, which ought to characterize a godly woman. This itself will also aid you in speaking to your husband submissively. It is a gentleness and peacefulness which infuses all of your words. Even words of disagreement can be characterized by its softer, and feminine qualities. Let your voice be gentle. Express love in your tone of voice. The peace which is on your heart, when expressed through your mouth, will never try to shut your man down with words, or put him down. They are jewels which express your innermost being, which should be a beautiful one at peace with the Lord.

The goodness of silence, however, is not an endorsement of the silent treatment. A wife who refuses to speak to her husband because she is angry, is simply using silence as a way to lash out at him. It reflects her anger and rebellion, rather than a loving, submissive heart. Since your mouth is a tool you use to serve your husband, you cannot refuse to use it when it may be helpful to him. You cannot keep silent when you know very well he wishes to hear you speak. Silence in that form is just as much as misuse of the tongue as open, bold disrespect. When your husband can benefit from your speech, or when he desires to hear it, you share it with him.

Being pure with your words, while not necessarily a matter of respect, will teach you the same godly qualities, and the same feminine qualities, which help you honor your husband overall. Speak of virtuous and holy matters. Speak of the practical necessities of the home, and use words to communicate wisdom. Teach your children. In all these things avoid any profanity, vulgarity, or blasphemy. Over time in practicing pure speech, it will make you more sensitive to that line between what is holy and unholy. You’ll see more clearly the darkness of impure words. You’ll feel more deeply the goodness of speech which is used for God’s purposes. With better vision, you will stay more easily on the right side of the line. Filthy talk is more unbecoming of a woman, than a man. It is unbecoming of anyone who works so closely with children as well. Let it never pass through your lips.

A word to the men is this: be aware of your wife’s speech, and correct her if she starts to slide into disrespect or other bad language. Often those small corrections you give her avoid the need for more and larger corrections in the future. A woman who feels free to misuse her tongue will worsen over time. Don’t let it get bad. You can deal with small matters with simple instruction, verbal correction, and warnings. However, I would give a wife a serious punishment for open disrespect, vulgarity, or other bad mouthing. A hard spanking is appropriate for correcting her mouth, and many husbands would also soap her mouth for vulgarities. She needs to know how much her speech matters, and how wrong it is if her mouth becomes an instrument of rebellion. She needs to know argument and insult are completely out of the question. Put an immediate stop to severe misuses of the tongue.

A woman’s speech is a great gift like many others in your body. You are brilliantly designed for it, with lungs, lips, tongue, voice box. Just as an instrument is designed to make beautiful music, your tongue is designed to honor God, and in marriage is used to honor your husband. It is to help and to heal, and not to hurt. It is greatly rewarding when a wife learns to commit her tongue to serving her husband, and learns she can do it, without serious failure. Misuse of the tongue, like other sins of the past, can be cleansed from you, are very rarely ever be seen again. Your husband will see the difference in your gentleness, your humility, and the help that you offer him. It is his organ there as his helper, like your whole body is. He will come to love and treasure hearing your voice.


21 responses to “Wives Learn Respectful Speech”

  1. rickmorganhoh Avatar

    Aron,This is good stuff! I am going to have Margret read this aloud tonight after dinner as a part of our devotional. As always your site gives us plenty to think about and discuss.Thanks!

    Sent from Yahoo Mail on Android

    1. Thank you. I hope it proves helpful to her.

  2. I am very strict for vulgarity, mouthing off, lack of respect or argumentative behaviour. My wife will have her mouth soaped thoroughly, strapped, made to stand in the corner and even write lines eg. I must not use profanity ever again 500 times. I guarantee if you administer these four punishments followed by a thank you blowjob, your wife’s mouth will be pure. Some husbands think mouth soaping isn’t needed, I strongly support it and it’s benefits. Soak in hot water, scrub thoroughly and spank her with it in her mouth and she can keep it there for the first 20 minutes with her nose all the way in the corner. No tolerance for this kind of behaviour!!!!!!

    1. Hello Mark, Thanks for describing how you correct that kind of bad behavior in your home. I don’t doubt it is effective. I would indeed use mouth soaping for things like insult or vulgarity. Thankfully I never need to deal with those at all from my wife. I find just giving a good hard spanking is appropriate and effective for being argumentative or disrespectful, but I can see how mouth soaping fits the offense too. My wife is careful with her speech, and her attitude, after she gets a thorough spanking.

      I would add that from time to time I will have her write lines. I generally choose a number much lower, as completing five hundred lines would take a very long time, and seem inconvenient for punishment, unless it was something unique and more severely wrong. I find punishment is simpler and still works well when kept fairly brief. A spanking itself generally doesn’t take too much time.

      1. Yes, a very hard spanking should be administered Aron. My wife doesn’t receive this punishment often because of how unpleasant it is. I think she hates the soap the most. I put soap in her mouth New Years Day for lying to me and she got a spanking. She had the soap in her mouth for a good portion of her cornertime too. Giving me head afterwards is quite pleasant for her because it helps her get rid of the soapy residue I make sure is in her mouth. Hopefully readers will refer to my mouth soaping instructions.

    2. obeysubmit Avatar

      Sir Mark,
      I salute you sir for your firmness but fairness ,it should be zero tolerance for that kind of behavior , my discipline is a long hard spanking and if I say something disrespectful it involves a bar of soap also, my lord never shove the soap into my mouth, i should show my total compliance and immediate obedience so i open my mouth wide and take it submissively ,if I hesitate he firmly give me quick but solid slaps across my face , i say thank you ( sir, master or lord)and obey and open and take that bare into my mouth and keep it for 20 minutes (i am not allowed to spite or rinse).
      Sir Mark, I think you are very fair and right , using a bad language should be deal with strictly, you are a caring husband and a strict discipliranian , your woman should be grateful and thankful.
      Thank you

  3. Hi Aron,
    This post is so true and so complete that I could barely think of how to comment on it. But as commentary at least lets you know we’re out here reading, and invites good conversation, I wanted to at least share something of how it resonates.

    I’ve needed reproofs and discipline for pretty much everything you’ve gone over here at some point during the last few months. One thing that became pretty apparent to me (and to which I was blind beforehand) as soon as I had committed myself to submitting to and obeying my husband is that I can be very officious. One of the first things we started working on was striking the imperative tense from my speech towards him. My husband actually is usually very polite; he would rather not use any more force than necessary in anything he says, so it is understood (at least now) that when he says something like, “Please clean that up,” that yes, it is a request, but it is a request from someone to whom I owe attention to every word and every whim. Whereas I had fallen into the habit of using an unmitigated imperative tense most of the time I spoke to him such as, “Hand me that.” It shames me now to realize that my husband is better at modeling respectful speech from his position of authority than I am from my position of subordination.

    We have talked about this a lot, we agreed that imperatives that cross over and become exclamations like, “Oh look!” (there’s a deer and a fawn) or, “Watch out!” (so he doesn’t keep backing up into that thing behind him). are acceptable as they are meant to be short and less wordy for an immediate purpose. But the everyday imperative speech habit has had to go. He will let me have a little rope to hang myself on, giving space for me to catch myself when I have slipped back into imperatives, and to then apologize and re-word (instead of “Hand me that,” it needs to be, “Please hand me that,” or even better yet, “May I have that for a moment?) , but when I am not circumspect about that and forget to self-moderate and apologize, it doesn’t take too long before he will ask me, “Is that a command?” or “Is that an imperative?” and expect to be responded to with deference.

    When I first started apologizing for this, I wondered at times if I was being ridiculous to think it mattered all that much, but I asked him and discovered he had hated it all throughout our marriage and I had ignored all his occasional complaints about it. (And I realize now I had justified myself against his complaints, feeling he was nit-picky and I was just using the most efficient speech.) Now that I have surrendered back the reins to Him of our marriage, he tells me the burden of reproving me and disciplining me is tiny compared to the burden of disrespect, contention, and rebellion.

  4. When a woman presents problems with obscene language, it is necessary to punish, but it is also necessary to investigate the origin of the evil.
    Women can easily absorb inappropriate language through bad company, inappropriate music or television programs.
    A lot of people believe that a Husband doesn’t have the right to control his wife’s friendships and social media, and call it abuse.
    But I believe that controlling friendship, media, books and music is not just a right but an obligation of the husband.
    A husband who allows his wife free access to the internet is failing to protect her from harm. God’s Word calls the Christian to be separate and pure. The leader should see that the influences in the home are godly. If the husband allows gross entertainment, how does he expect his wife to be pure.
    Women should not have free access to the internet and social networks, as they lack the discernment to detect the dangers.
    If the snake managed to convince Eve to sin while she lived in paradise, imagine the dangers of the internet, which is a lawless land.
    It is the husband’s obligation to protect his wife, leaving his wife unsupervised on the internet, it’s like leaving her alone in a danger zone.
    A husband who leaves his wife in an unprotected danger zone is sinning gravely, and so does the internet.

    [Edited down for length by Aron]

    1. Hello David, Thank you for your comment. The subject of protecting a wife from bad influences definitely deserves its own article here. It is somewhat subjective where to draw the line, but a man definitely needs to keep bad influences out of the household in general, and away from his wife in particular. The husband has the right and responsibility to do so. He should also make sure his wife is not around company that will influence her poorly. Yet much of how he handles it depends on a wife’s personal strengths, and the maturity of her faith.

      One of the simplest ways to keep the home free of garbage, is just to live without television and secular radio. Necessary news is easily gained from brief perusal online. It is not too complicated to keep garbage literature out of the home either, with a minor amount of vigilance. For practical reasons I do not put any hard barriers on what my wife does online, because there are so many useful, and sometimes needed things she does there. I would only raise the barrier if I saw there was clearly a problem, but so far she is godly in her uses, and restrained in the amount of time she is online. I do have some basic internet filters which apply to the entire family, but it’s hard to set those filters to a high level without blocking useful content. I would not allow any younger children to use the internet without adult supervision, even if there were filters.

      I know there are some families, and even some entire churches that use accountability software. This shares the list of websites you’ve been to with an accountability partner, or a group of people. They can then speak with you if you are viewing inappropriate content, and use discipline if needed. It doesn’t allow anything to be secret. This is a fairly simple method compared to others, and does not require much supervision.

      1. A topic on how to keep the home and the wife clean from negative influences, such as feminism, among other inappropriate content, would be very useful

        1. Thanks for your suggestion. That’s an important topic for the marriage and home. I will make a note of it.

        2. Hello, I have recently posted an article like you suggested. If you haven’t already, please have a look at it.

  5. ThatWifeLife Avatar

    Another great article! You touched on letting him lead the conversation without butting in. I would also say that interrupting him in general, no matter who he is speaking with, is also a disrespectful use of the tongue, unless there is an absolute urgent emergency going on.

    Unfortunately, I find myself in trouble for doing that this week. As soon as my husband recovers strength from being sick, I’m going to be spanked for interrupting and interjecting in a conversation he was having with our pastor. I effectively disrespected both of my highest earthly authorities at the same time. To make things worse, I thought I was being helpful, but it turns out I didn’t even understand what the conversation was about, and my point was completely irrelevant. I’m thankful there was no bad attitude involved at all, or what’s coming would be much worse. I was genuinely trying to help, but went about it completely the wrong way. So I’ll be spanked as a good reminder to never interrupt anyone, but especially my husband or pastor.

    1. Thank you for your comment. It’s good you can see where butting in is harmful, and inappropriate for a wife to do. If you examine your own intentions and heart attitude at the time, you may see what led you to butt in, and better avoid it in the future. Your husband’s correction will help you as well. I’m very glad you desire to respect him.

  6. Hi Aaron, I really respect your ability and consistency at discipline. I have a genuine question around what seems like a no-tolerance approach to marriage. Does it make things very formal? How do you stick to it day after day?

    1. Hello A, Thank you for your questions. I do not believe that spanking is necessarily a no-tolerance approach to marriage. It is simply spanking. It does not require that everything is regulated, or any possible wrong is punished. That would be totalitarian, and I believe also impractical. It is simply good for a husband to have rules for his wife and for the household which are beneficial. Spanking is used for the more serious wrongs, such as disobedience, disrespect, or lying. They’re not that hard to avoid.

      Minor mistakes, or lesser wrongs to not need to be regulated. I generally only punish for what I judge to be minor if it really is ongoing, or if I have already spoken to my wife about it and she’s ignored what I told her. Otherwise, there is plenty of freedom to err, and to talk out normal disagreements. It’s just a marriage like any other.

      Some people think spanking will take fun out of marriage, but I don’t believe this is true, unless you have an unrealistic view of marriage, in which you’re just buddies, or your home a place of leisure. Marriage involves much work and seriousness to begin with. It is a work for God, and for the benefit of humanity. There may be fun along the way here and there, but it is primarily a job to do, for this and coming generations. So if it seems a bit of a damper, then maybe it should be.

      Couples who use spanking still have time to enjoy together, whether it is at the end of the day, or taking a trip on the weekend. If you have a garden and you cook you’re not really going to have a life of misery. Plus children are fun. It’s not that hard to follow some simple rules, and face the consequences for breaking them.

      I did this one article that I believe addresses your question about formality, and will give you a longer answer: https://spankingyourwife.wordpress.com/2022/05/27/does-spanking-interfere-with-our-laughter-and-fun/

      I do not find it difficult to continue day by day. It may be difficult for couples who are completely new, or in a case in which a wife has a rebellious streak. The rules are not very complex, and once husband and wife get used to it, she knows well what behavior to avoid, and can successfully avoid it. Giving discipline does not take that long, so even if it feels like an inconvenience at times, I just make the time, usually in the evening, to give her a spanking. I find the small sacrifice is worth the rewards.

      I hope that answers your questions.

      Take care.

  7. Thank you Aaron for your most helpful article.
    I too believe that restricting a woman’s speech is a worthwhile endeavor, when you are working on refining her submission to you.
    Speech has a very direct connection to the inner workings of the mind. So when faced with restrictions on her speech, a woman has basically two ways to deal with it when she wants to avoid punishment: Evaluate every word before it leaves her mouth, or actively try to change the way her mind works, so that she can feel safe to speak her mind freely again.
    The former requires constant effort and reminds her of her position under the authority of her husband whenever she opens her mouth – which is a good thing.
    The latter requires some active effort on her part to internalize her submission to her husband and the precedence of his wishes over hers – which is also a good thing.
    So whichever way she choses to go for the moment, it will help her grow in her submission. Likely she will first chose path A, because path B is more of a long term solution, but this will probably morph into path B over time, as she internalizes the process of redacting the words before they leave her mouth.

    With my wife, I am not a stickler about chores done, or the home being spotless at all times. As long as it’s mostly clean and tidy, I won’t look into the corners, to find some faults. And if I am dissatisfied with a certain part, I tell her, she apologizes and quickly fixes it. If dinner is not ready when I come home and I don’t have the feeling that she’s been slacking off, I simply wait until it is finished. In most cases she still feels at fault for this – even without me criticizing her – and acts even more submissively than usually.

    But I am very strict in policing her speech. Some of the things she is not allowed to use are: profanity/vulgarity, gossip, commanding words towards me, loud voice (even if I called her from another room, she has to first come to me before answering in a quiet voice), demands, arguments (she can articulate her wishes in a meek and submissive manner, but she may not imply that by not fulfilling them, I might do something wrong – she has to acknowledge that the decision lies with me alone and that she has to accept it without questioning it).
    She’s generally not allowed to talk about masculine topics like politics or sports (she didn’t really like these before, so it’s not as great a loss as it might seem). She doesn’t read or listen to the news normally, and when I feel that it is necessary to keep her informed about a certain thing, I give her a quick rundown.
    But when she is among other women, she may only talk about feminine topics like cooking, knitting, sewing and positive family issues (so again, no gossiping, no complaining).
    In mixed company she may only talk when asked directly by me or another person. In the latter case, she also has to wait for me to give her the permission to speak with a subtle nod.

    I’m aware that these speech rules are much more restrictive than what most husbands would subject their wives to, but she is recovering from mental health problems that mostly stemmed from her thinking too much about too many things, so these rules are a way to keep her thoughts few and simple and her mind focused on her submission to me. In the end it is the heart that matters to god, and not the mind.

    1. Thank you for your comments, Carl. Those are very useful standards to have, both for your wife, and for your household. It also lets her set a good example for other women.

      They are probably a notch more restrictive than mine, as I do not heavily restrict my wife in informal mixed company, except that she doesn’t butt in, and speaks meekly. If I didn’t want her to be included in a certain conversation at all for some reason, I’d just let her know and she’d respect it.

      Many of those gatherings, if they are not family ones, break down over time into men speaking with men, and women with women anyway. That distinction between the sexes is good to maintain in a whole variety of settings. It also assures a certain appropriate distance between unmarried men and women

      Take care.

    2. Hi Carl,
      I do believe you and my husband think very similarly about speech. He cares much more about how I speak to him than how many chores I’ve done. But the one thing that is extremely dissimilar in our house is any limitations on topics. My whole life I was bored with clothing, cooking, fashion, all sorts of supposedly “feminine” topics, of which many are shallow and earthly anyway. Some are good for taking care of a home, but must my sole interests be linked to my home responsibilities? I love building things, designing woodwork, and have made furniture for my home — furniture my carpenter husband enjoyed me making for him. I have always loved science, mathematics, Bible study, foreign languages, etc. These were things I loved to talk about with my father, and similarly with my husband.
      While a woman may have responsibilities in the home domain, some of those responsibilities may include homeschooling, I would assume you would agree? If certain topics are off-limits to women, how shall they eagerly and adeptly teach them to their children?
      I think — stereotyping men and women too much instead of learning what is feminine by what women actually enjoy, and seeing what is masculine by what men actually enjoy, leads directly to the messed up transgender thing we see all around us. Scripture appeals to what “nature” teaches, and I was born loving the color blue. Some guys may have been born loving the color pink. 100 years ago society considered those to be the correct colors for each gender, too! Many men love writing poetry, painting, cooking, or even creating clothing. It is unseemly for a Christian man to be employed as a chef, or a fashion designer?
      When there are extra rules about what a man or woman must be, that go way beyond what scripture teaches and into which people are forced to assume unnaturally, it is damaging. People feel they don’t fit the religious or cultural boxes that others carve out for them and decide there must be something wrong with what gender they were born into, they start to believe they must be the other gender. This is damaging to both men and women.
      Perhaps for your wife, stereotypical “female” subjects fit her anyway. This would not be the case for many other women. Additionally, many women partner with their men in standing up politically, or in taking an interest in sports (even their children’s sports interests.). Maybe they are like Priscilla and Aquilla in teaching others about God together.
      IN your household, perhaps making sure your wife stays “stereotypical” in conversation is not any big imposition, but I do believe when other people read something like this, it can greatly contribute to gender confusion, and put an unnecessary stumbling block to people embracing the gender and who God made them to be.

      1. Hello Heather,
        thank you for your answer.
        I guess I have to clarify some things:
        First, I believe the rules and limits I set for my wife are not universally applicable, they result from the specifics of our relationship.

        I do believe that marital submission in “everything” means that the husband can control nearly all aspects of his wife’s life, if he thinks that this is necessary or beneficial. This does not mean that he should control all aspects, and certainly not all at the same time. But disallowing her to talk about some topics is clearly within his rights.

        I also think that the submission of a wife to her husband is a gift, and like a material gift it cannot be taken back without at least an explanation, but you are also not completely free to use or misuse it. If someone gives you his favorite book for your birthday, you cannot rip it apart to make a bonfire in the evening, even though you would be free to do so with another book that you bought yourself.
        So the wife is not a trained monkey that dances at her husband’s command. He can exercise control over her life or restrict her freedom in very significant ways, but he can only do it with a good reason: Common reasons are the benefit of god, the family, the husband, the wife or the children.

        In the case of politics my wife had the tendency (that is very common today in all parts of the political spectrum) to follow the outrage and participate in whatever the current thing to be angry about was, instead of looking at the backstories of politics. This anger and outrage was harming her well being and – frankly – mine as well. So politics is off limits to her, for now – and she doesn’t miss it.

        With sports the case was a little different – she never was interested in sports, but when the topic came up she felt obliged to add something to the conversation form time to time. Usually her statements on that topic were off topic and uninformed. With the rule in place it is clear that her input to this specific conversation is not required. Staying silent,when you do not have enough information is a sign of wisdom, and it is my job as her husband to guide her on the path towards wisdom.

        To the topic of gender stereotypes: I do not believe that stereotypes are universal – there are men and women, who become experts in fields that commonly are attributed to the opposite gender. Those often tend to be very good in their fields, because they did chose it out of genuine interest, and not because it was the path of least resistance.

        But I also believe that stereotypes are true. When I watched the children of my first marriage growing up (I had a different opinion on many topics then, me and my first wife were equals), The children chose hobbies and career paths that were conforming to their genders. I did not encourage them to do so, in fact I would have preferred if the girls had followed me into technology, but it never interested them.

        When I came home from meeting friends my first wife often asked me, about which topics we had talked and was astonished that it was something like “what degree of individual freedom is possible in modern society” instead of my friends’ family lives, the development of their children and other topics she talked about with her friends.

        Men and women are fundamentally different. They have different ways to think about things and different interests.

        I see my wife’s submission and service to me as the result of her feminine side, and I see the leadership and control I exercise over her as the result of my masculine side. As I explained in my previous post, controlling speech is a way of controlling the workings of the mind. So I want to strengthen her feminine and submissive side by occupying her mind with mainly feminine topics.
        This may sound stricter than it actually is in reality – if my wife should develop an interest in woodworking as an example, I would certainly encourage her to do so, but so far she simply does not care about my little workshop.

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