Managing Your Wife: Finances

This is the first part in a series on managing the wife. It will focus on setting standards for the home, and leading her in marriage life, with further discussion on when discipline may be needed. Some of these topics I’ve gone over before, others will be new.

One domain in which a husband will oversee his wife is the area of using money. Like any other area of home life, he needs to establish what the goal with the household finances is, as well as what limits exist. A woman can offer her husband great help with money when she is responsible and thoughtful about her use of these valuable resources, saving him money, and safeguarding what they have. A few women have weaknesses with money, or may tend toward being irresponsible, which will negatively affect this area as any other. 

It is normal in marriage to view possessions as shared items. Man and wife become one body in marriage, and this is reflected in shared ownership. Money is something the man has authority over, but his wife also has access to it, to use for needs which are acceptable to him. The man has authority of the house, but the wife has a right to use if fully, so long as she does not break his rules in doing so. Lives in marriage are intertwined that way. With money, that means the man decides what it needs to be used for, and the wife is frequently the one using it for those purposes, often being the practical hands-on manager. Since her domain is the home, many of those purchases will be for the home, just as they may be for what her husband requires her to buy otherwise.  She is his helper with money, as with everything else. 

A husband should decide on a set of standards in his wife’s spending, and management of funds in general. He does not need to know about every single purchase, since so many are part of regular necessities, and are fairly small. I believe it is wisest to let a wife know that for larger purchases she needs to ask permission. For other purchases, you can give her a general spending limit, perhaps weekly or monthly. That can include regular purchases like food, clothing, educational material, and household items. Small extra purchases usually don’t throw things off, so I don’t try and regulate them. However, if your budget is especially tight, you may choose not to permit anything beyond the necessities, or anything else you have required.

It will help your wife if you are also leading the home in a lifestyle which is wise in its spending, and frugal in ordinary circumstances. She should see you are not wasteful with funds, and do not rack up expenses for things which are unnecessary, such as luxuries, and entertainments. Daily life should be modest, with a home built on what the family needs to live, work, and pray. Extra money can be used to help ministry, as well as the needy. There is nothing wrong with enjoying something expensive on a special occasion, such as on Christmas or an anniversary, but it should not be the norm, and spending should still be within reason. A life of luxury and unnecessary indulgences is out of step with the Christian lifestyle and teaching. If you show your wife through running the home life that funds are valuable and to be used wisely, she will catch the spirit better, and stay on the path you have set more easily. 

Areas in which you may need to correct your wife are when she is ignoring the budget you have set, or making any grand purchases without permission. Other forms of serious fiscal irresponsibility need to be addressed too. While many women are excellent in handling the household finances, some women uniquely have a weakness in this area, and need to be steered clear of harming the home. Misuse of funds is reason to give her a spanking. There are serious repercussions for everyone if your wife loses control with money, so she has to understand the responsibility she has, as well as the gravity of this infraction. If she tries to hide her misuse of finances, you will need to deal firmly with that dishonesty as well. One of the women who wrote a guest article, who was new to discipline, ended up in trouble for doing just that. I have spoken with a few other couples with a wife who overindulged with the credit card and needed to face a spanking. You wife is going to have to learn self-control with money, responsibility, and obedience to the limits you have set for her. 

Women who have a weakness with money find it attractive enough to spend money that they lose self-control in this area. Spending can become their drug, and they crave the feeling it gives. Other times it is unique items which tempt them to overindulge in spending, even wrecking the finances to do so. A husband needs to address these wrongs by giving sound punishment, and also learn where she is falling prey to temptation, and help make it easier for her to resist. He should work on strengthening her, and developing her virtue when it comes to being self-controlled. As I spoke of earlier, often leading her in a generally modest lifestyle, and a life dependent upon God, makes money less attractive, since fulfillment is found elsewhere. Regular fasting also helps in becoming disciplined, and reliant upon the spirit, and not the carnal world. She deserves a spanking for wasting money, and also your guidance and positive support.

If your wife has ongoing problems with funds, and these have not turned around with discipline and guidance, then it is time to remove some of her power to spend, at least for the time being. You can either set limits on how much money a card can be used for, or you can take them away entirely. You can make sure she is no longer the one working with your bank or other institutions, and take that responsibility fully on yourself. If she needs to go cold turkey from spending for a while, that can end up being the best for her. 

Assuming she is responsible, I do not think it is wise to control all of the details of a wife’s spending. She may have her own projects, which you may allot some basic funds for. She may handle the garden, pick up books for homeschooling, or have a small home business. Like other areas, it would get overly complex for a husband to try and involve himself in every detail financially, but he uses his guidance simply to set a general budget, and assure the funds are being used rightly. She handles the details, and if she is virtuous there very rarely will be any trouble. However, she ought to know there are serious consequences if she does waste money, and the rails you place on spending are real. 

You can find most of these articles on my About Page organized loosely by subject matter.


22 responses to “Managing Your Wife: Finances”

  1. Hello Aron so happy you wrote about this as a working wife i do earn money but my husband handles the finances also has all my banking information so if I go shopping without permission I do get a good Fanny tanning and get my atm card taken from me as a punishment until he feels I have learned my lesson so I am definitely not in control of any money coming into the house hold

    1. Thank you for your comment, Wendy. It’s interesting to see how different couples handle it. Money matters are a part of any marriage, and need to be handled correctly.

  2. johnsonjelena45 Avatar

    When we first made a list of rules and consequences for me, we didn’t have a rule regarding finances. Initially money was not an issue. I was most often spanked for being late to events (late to work, Church, Dr appointment and dates. And the next most common reason for a spanking was promising to do something to someone (often Church events) and then not doing what I said I would do. Then we got a notice from our bank that our account was overdrawn with bank charges (1994 or so), So we had a little talk and new rules were added. New rules were a maximum of 200 dollars one any one item with discussing it (except for his Christmas gift or birthday). An average limit of 300 dollars a week spent. And not to be overdrawn at our bank, or one spank for each dollar charged to us. These rules took over the number one reason I got spanking. Like Aron says: “some women uniquely have a weakness in this area.” I raise my hand- that is me. And painful punishment spanking did help me.

  3. Hi Aron,
    When we got married we had already discussed a large project we both wanted our money to go to and so it was understood that both because we had both agreed to be “all in” on the project and because we both felt marriage meant oneness anyway, from the very beginning my paycheck went straight into his bank account (which later became a joint account.) The reason it went to his bank account was because he kept track of all the bills and paid them. There has never really been a “my money” and “your money” thing, it’s always been “our” money, except for things like monetary birthday presents from family members for specific people.
    However, before I recognized his headship, I would spend “our” money however I wanted except for large purchases. When his headship was established as a reality in our relationship, one of our first rules was that I was no longer to buy anything without asking him first, unless it was an emergency and I couldn’t ask in the moment. “Anything” might seem restrictive but I was out of control and needed to give him back full control.
    Things are not quite that strict any more but the rule is still that I have to tell him about almost every purchase and I’m generally expected to know what he would allow and what he might reprimand me saying, “Why didn’t you ask me first?” Hiding any purchase, or going on a spending spree at the grocery store without permission generally will earn me at the very least a scolding and quite possibly a paddling. If I am sent to the store it is usually with an approved list of purchases discussed beforehand, and/or a spending limit. I am allowed very small purchases (like a coffee while I’m out) as long as I don’t make a constant habit of treating myself to things nonstop.
    It definitely can crimp my style to have to ask him before buying things but it does keep our finances from getting messed up and it keeps me aware of my place under him to always have to ask. While sometimes the accountability is tedious and annoying, especially when I did get permission but each thing shows up ambiguously on the credit card bill and has to be accounted for all over again, there’s also something warm and fuzzy about having to get his permission and accept his judgment on the matter. It’s good for me to feel the loss of autonomy and to know I can be punished at his whim in this regard. He almost always says yes when I ask him about a purchase, but it is the asking that is important. And of course he says no to things too. Either way, there is actually a certain sweetness (when I am in the right mindset) about having my wings clipped a bit on this matter.

    1. Thanks for your comment, That’s a big change of lifestyle. My wife and I do not have personal money either, except what happens to be in our wallets. It’s all part of the household funds. I consider that part of the oneness of marriage. Your husband sounds like an organized person if he can keep track of all your spending. I don’t think I’d have the energy or time to devote to that. It’s great you ask him his permission. Having his supervision financially is one way to learn to be under authority.

  4. This article struck me different than the others….mostly because I used to be a huge money waster when we were first married. He ended up restricting my access to all of it.

    Now, I am the most frugal one lol. He will spend money on things I would not. He has set great examples for me and i think him restricting for as long as he did really helped me see that I spent a lot unnecessarily.

    We both agree the simple life is best. We homestead and I am just starting to homeschool our two little ones. God gave us such a beautiful world to live in, to not enjoy it in exchange for worldly things is detrimental.

    Thanks for the post, very thought provoking 😊

    1. Thank you for your comment, Dixie. It’s good to hear how you have improved in your use of money. The simple things are indeed the best, and many of them are free. Blessings.

  5. Hi Aaron,

    I love this blog and it has helped me greatly in supporting my girlfriend in developing better habits; we use lines, early bed time, scolding, corner time, and spanking for discipline. My girlfriend is mostly well behaved but has a huge procrastination problem, leaving just about anything to the last minute and then struggling with the stress. Can you please write an article on how to discipline a woman for procrastination. She’s a sensitive girl and getting in trouble is enough to start tearing up (she cries genuine tears during after corner time and getting scolded), she is obedient during discipline and never questions my decisions but meekly asks me to reconsider number of spanks she’ll get.

    I spank with my hand on her bare bottom and keep her panties and jeans around her knees to increase her humbling. Again, she is a sensitive and good girl, so I don’t want to use implements; I am happy to give her a firm hand spanking as punishment but am open to adding in final swats with a hairbrush if she has been very naughty.

    Her procrastination is getting out of hand…it’s a chronic problem but not continuous in that she’ll procrastinate badly with chores/work tasks/school about once a month.

    My thoughts are to introduce weekly maintanence where I’m scolding her and getting her to reflect on this issue; I want her to think through this and talk me through what she’s going to change. Next, she’ll get a spanking and I’ll ask her questions about what we talked about and continue to scold her as she getting spanked. I think these sessions will get her on the right track. If she still messes up, she’ll be getting punishment spankings on top of maintenance. We’re going to work this out, so she can expect to bent over and taken care of.

    Any thoughts on my approach?

    1. Thank you, Stuart. I’m very glad you enjoy my discipline website. It’s a good idea to write about dealing with a wife’s procrastination. I’ll make a note of the idea. I don’t believe discipline necessarily would vary much in terms of how to punish procrastination, but there are some unique ways a husband could manage it.

      I would use regular maintenance if my wife had any continual problems with behavior. I wouldn’t say it’s necessary, and I know some men do fine with only giving their wives punishment spankings. I do not find that spanking by hand, as nice as it is, gives a hard enough punishment. I do not do a lot of it. Nearly all the spankings I give are with an instrument, and they are hard enough she will not want to face one. Some men do spank only by hand, and if that is successful for them, and their wives behave better that way, then fine. However, in general I don’t find that spanking by hand sends a strong enough message, even if it does feel more personal, and sensuous as an experience.

      Verbal guidance is a big part of the correction process. I have several articles on the topic and I cannot emphasize it enough. It is good to communicate clearly and firmly with a wife when she is going to be punished. The same is true if she is going to be spanked as a reminder, or to be trained. She needs her husband’s verbal guidance and correction, which is going to be stern, and she needs to verbalize her own submission and her remorse for her wrong. These act hand in hand with the ordeal of the spanking to help turn her in the right correction.

      Discipline between men and women, like intimacy in general, is meant to be contained in marriage. Having intimacy outside of marriage is sin, and it further damages the individuals involved, and society in general. Fornication is a true force of destruction for children, who deserve a loving stable household, and have a right to their father and mother for as long as they are alive. Outside of marriage, children are much more endangered. While spanking is not the same as fornication, it is a very intimate act, requires great trust, and normally includes sexual stimulation. None of these elements of the experience fit outside of the relationship of husband and wife. So the thing to do, rightly, is to find out if this woman is right for marriage, and if so, marry her. If not, find a woman who is.

      I hope you continue to find value in my articles.

    2. While scolding her, ask why she procrastinates. People have unspoken reasons for procrastination. You say she is a good girl. She wants to obey and make you happy. It’s not stubbornness. There’s a reason why she fails to get things done.

      Be a good guide, leader, and steward of the girl. If she struggles with procrastination with you, she probably does the same thing at work. Maybe she feels incompetent. Maybe the desire to be perfect makes her freeze. Maybe she needs practical mentoring in time management. Maybe she struggles to understand instructions. Help her figure it out.

      1. That is a useful insight. Thank you. However, that advice is appropriate for a man and wife in marriage, but really cannot fully apply if the relationship is outside of marriage, where intimacy and spanking do not have a part.

        A woman’s reasons for procrastination can vary. However, I find there is rarely a good excuse. If not simple laziness, it can come from irresponsibility, by putting something off and then forgetting about it, or by dislike of the task itself.

        Giving a wife tips in time management is a very good idea. She may also need to write more things down. However, verbal warnings and correction are highly effective in getting a wife past her procrastination, in my experience.

        1. Heather Avatar

          My husband and I dated for a long time… too long. Dating itself can be a form of procrastination…. Procrastination in making the difficult decision about whether this is the right person. It creates all sorts of issues in a relationship when that form of procrastination is occurring. I could not make decisions about my job or other important things in life while wondering if my path was going to be with this man or not.
          It is good to take ones time to make sure one is sure but not so long that it ends up creating a season of permanent indecision. We did avoid fornication but there are additional damages to ones life that happen from dating too long without marrying. It is one of the most destructive forms of procrastination a person or couple can indulge in.

  6. Women tend to be better money managers than men. Think about it. My husband sets the revenue with his paycheck. I figure out how to run a household, raise two boys in private school, financially help extended family, give to the church, save, manage our rental properties, and take a couple of vacations per year. I’m the CFO to his corporation. My job is to keep him informed. I have a big job as his helpmeet. I’m blessed to have a husband who knows economy is my gift. Aaron, I love you to pieces, but I think you got this one backwards.

    1. Misty, Thank you for your comment. I do not have this “backward.” The question does not relate to which sex generally is better or worse at a certain skill. Rather, it is how a husband, who is the head of his wife, can make sure she is responsible with finances. It is his responsibility to make sure she is in line financially, even if she happens to have talent in that area. I also do not agree that women are generally better with finances, but that is beside the point.

      Moreover, the man’s headship over his wife financially does not mean he is the one to micromanage all the finances. He has a variety of options. This includes giving his wife general managing responsibilities, but setting the rails, and giving her some oversight. He may need to discipline her if she is grievously out of order, but otherwise, he simply makes sure she is following the rails. Many men allow their wives some flexibility, and much responsibility, in how they deal with the finances. So if she is talented in that areas, that talent will certainly allow her to serve her husband well.

      I hope you can see those points.

  7. I do tend to overspend on sale rails so my husband did take all credit cards off me for a while.
    I use the card now only for groceries. If I see an item of clothing I try out on take a photo and ask for his approval giving him the price. I only buy if he approves both the price and the how the item looks.
    I really like it this way now, though I never thought I would say that, I enjoy knowing he had the authority and he chooses how I look. It is the loving safety I need as a wife.
    I do worry this could be a burden to him but so far he hasn’t complained. Often we take his authority too much for granted and don’t think enough of the extra effort he is spending teaching us the right way.

  8. elizaishis Avatar

    Because I married at 18 and went from a home where I was submissive to my father to a home where I was now submissive to my husband I didn’t really have a problem in this area. Though I also work outside the home I am given a budget by my husband that I adhere to. I have been trained that if there is ever a sound reason to deviate from the budget I must first seek his permission and I have no problem doing so.

  9. Searching Avatar

    Hi Aron, another great article. My husband is my leader. From the very beginning he was the keeper of the check book, budget and savings. I never bought any large/expensive purchase without discussing it and coming to an agreement. We have been married coming on 40 years. EXCEPT for once. And once was all it took.

    About 10 years into our marriage we bought a new house. I was shopping at the mall and came across this beautiful bedding that would have really looked good in our bedroom. I paid over $600 for the comforter, pillows and linens. $600 back in the 1990’s was a lot of money. He came home took one look at it and asked how much? When I told him he said take it back.

    That was all he had to say. I packed it up as best I could. But if any of you have bought linens, you know how they are packaged. They must be put under some kind of vacuum process. It is like trying to get tooth paste back into the tube.

    I returned them and the lady at the store asked me what was wrong with them and I had to be honest and say nothing. I had to tell her I was told to return them because my husband didn’t approve this large purchase. She never said a word. She took them back and refunded my money.

    After reading this article, I asked my husband if he remembered when he sent me to the mall to return the bedding and he laughed and said no. I told him well I remembered it vividly. I never forgot the humiliation and I have never repeated that mistake. But mostly I was sorry for not asking first and disappointing him. It is always better to ask permission than it is to ask for forgiveness.

    Recently, I went to the jewelry store to get a gift for our grandson’s baptism. He sent me on my way and said “No more than $200”. I was shown the baby jewelry and she showed me a gold bracelet. It was $400. I was in shock. She told me gold is very expensive now. So I asked if she had anything in silver. I found a very masculine silver bracelet and had his name, birthday, and baptism day put on it. It was $126. When I got home and showed my husband what I bought he was very happy. I followed his instructions and came in way under budget. I was so happy knowing I had pleased him.

    1. aronhusband Avatar

      Thank you for sharing your experience. Those are good rules for a husband to have regarding finances. It is not too hard for a wife to operate within rails like that.

  10. His-bride-Lauren Avatar

    I know it goes against your advice, Aron, but I do work outside the home. My husband allows me to work 2 days per week. My salary goes into our joint account, via my own bank (as a personal current account for wages is a rule with HR). My husband holds both cards for the joint account, so he is totally in charge of the finances.

    I have a £250 emergency fund in my account, that is only to be touched in certain circumstances eg I need a taxi to the hospital or I need to pay for an unexpected tyre change, things like that. He transfers money weekly or monthly to my account (depending on how trustworthy and sensible I have been lately), or else he withdraws cash for me. This is used to cover food, cleaning products, toiletries, etc. I am expected to shop sensibly, taking advantage of special offers, not being fussy about brands, shopping around for the best deals, etc. Only if our shopping bill is vastly higher than usual (ie £50 upwards difference) does he check the receipts to make sure I’m not wasting money.

    He likes to choose my clothes for me, so we will go clothes shopping together two or three times a year (and if he’s out and about, he may pick up a nice top or dress for me, as a gift). I am allowed to buy myself some small pieces of modest costume jewellery or accessories like bags and purses every now and then, provided they don’t exceed £40. And obviously I am not allowed to buy things like this too often, as it is hardly essential purchasing!

    He does like me to wear some very light makeup on special occasions – foundation, blusher, mascara and a very subtle lip gloss (he finds lipstick too ostentatious). When it needs replaced, he buys this for me as a gift, usually along with an outfit for the occasion. I love getting dressed up and looking nice for him, but I know that it can make me quite vain if I do it too often, so it’s very much a special occasion thing. He is very careful to keep me humble and to put a stop to any vanity I may be showing.

    When we were engaged I did get into trouble for making a large purchase without his permission. Despite knowing better, I took it upon myself to buy a designer bedding set at £120. I know that designer stuff is a waste of money, and I know I am not allowed to make purchases of more than £50 without permission. But for whatever reason, the fact this bedding set was more than half price convinced me it was a bargain, too good to pass up on. I did text him to ask, waited 5 minutes for a reply and then decided his silence must mean yes, so I went ahead with the purchase. I’m sure you can imagine how much my stomach plunged when I got a text saying “NO” shortly after paying for it…!

    He lectured me about irresponsible spending, disobedience, defiance, vanity, stupidity and selfishness for such a long time. I was in tears throughout the lecture, realising just how utterly juvenile I had been.

    He blistered my bare bottom and thighs three nights in a row, giving me the most severe smacking I had ever had at that point. I had to wear tights to work, and the heat of the smacked flesh encased in the thick tights was quite intense, even the next day. I felt mortified, imagining that my discomfort and the reason for it were obvious to everyone.

    He also monitored every penny I spent for a few months, demanding receipts and exact change, until I earned back his trust. He gave the bedding away as wedding present for his cousin (we couldn’t return it, as it was on sale).

    We actually giggle about it now, because it was such a shockingly poor decision on my part that it tickles us. My childish reasoning and my confidence that he would agree to something so unnecessarily expensive is so ludicrous that it just amuses us. Though at the time (and for about a year or so afterwards), even just thinking about it would cause my stomach to do a flip with shame and guilt and Fear of a repeat session over his knee.

    . I love that we can laugh about it now, because it shows how far I’ve come in my journey of submission, knowing I would never do something like that nowadays. Plus it was such an intense experience that we shared (my most severe smacking ever at that point, repeated over three tear-filled days) that I feel so close to him, recalling this shared first for us both. Remembering my frightened surprise at how strong and forceful he could be. I think that was the moment where I started to realise the reality of submitting to him, of willingly handing over total control to him. The trust involved in that is so important and I am happy to say he has never abused that trust whatsoever.

    Once again I have rambled, I’m sorry! I just wonder your opinion on our set up (with me working two days per week)? It seems to suit us well at the moment, but I am concerned it may cause some issues in the future, as I know you advise against wives working outside the home. I love my job, but I don’t want it to interfere with our relationship or my role as his wife. But truthfully I would be devastated to give it up.

    Thanks again, Lauren.

    1. aronhusband Avatar

      Hello Lauren, Thank you for explaining how your husband manages your use of finances. It is good that your husband is so aware of the need for his oversight when it comes to money. Most wives really benefit from that. Spending limits and emergency cash if needed work very well.

      As far as working outside the home, I allowed my wife to work part-time outside the home before our first child came along. Once we had children, she left that job and started working full-time in the home. It really is a full-time job and you will not get bored. However, I do see a little leeway with part-time work before or after children are living with you. Whatever attraction a job outside the home has, it can only get in the way of being a mother and homemaker when there are children. It is worth giving up if that is the case. What is good has to come before what feels good. Feel free to e-mail me if you’d like to discuss that further.

      As far as cosmetics, I realize some women manage to avoid going overboard with it. However, I find it a waste of time and money and a vanity. A submissive and godly woman is very beautiful. Honestly, cosmetics only get in the way of her beauty, and dampen it, I find.

      I hope you and your family continue to do well.

      1. His-bride-Lauren Avatar

        Thank you, Aron. He definitely is a good manager of our finances. He takes care of all of the big things and he does guide and monitor me, but he doesn’t micromanage every single purchase. I do enjoy having the leeway to buy some things, for example today I took our son to a local cafe and I bought myself a coffee and some cake. We then went to a shop and I bought our baby a small toy and a pack of baby grows / onesies, as he has outgrown the others. My husband is happy for me to use my judgement in circumstances like this, but obviously if we needed a new pram or something big like that, I would not be allowed to buy it without his permission. I think we have the perfect balance and I feel guided, rather than controlled.

        I do understand what you mean about the work outside of the house coming at the expense of my role as a wife and mother. The last thing I want to do is neglect my husband or son, I need to be the best as I can be for them. And my husband relies on the house being clean and well maintained to allow him to fulfil his duties as head of household and as provider. His job is well paid, we do not need the money from my job. In fact by the time we pay for childcare, we are making very little from my job. It does make sense for me to stop.

        But it is part of my identity. It’s the job I have always wanted to do. And it’s only two days per week. I feel so bad about how stubborn I am being in wanting to keep it on.

        As yet, my husband has not mentioned me quitting. I’m still on maternity leave and will be for another 8 months. But I suspect when it’s time for me to return, he will say no. I am sure he will make me quit. I hope not though, even though I know that’s wrong of me. I am not going to mention it until he does. I love being a wife and mother, but I seem to be more attached to my job than I first thought. I will pray for the strength to do the right thing.

        I agree that makeup can be a form of vanity. And also a mask to hide behind. I have friends who can’t leave the house without a full face of makeup and they are obsessed with their appearance. It’s so sad that they tie their self worth to how they look. They need to feel the fulfilment that comes only from a relationship with god. It’s only then that they can see how insignificant everything else is. My husband likes me to wear it for weddings, birthdays, etc, but it is otherwise banned. He did paddle me hard for wearing lip balm once, even though I tried to explain it was moisturiser for my lips and not makeup. He felt that the sheen it gave my lips was too much like makeup. And it is applied like a lip stick, which probably confused him too. It is one of the only times that I have felt that I did not deserve to be smacked whatsoever. But of course I didn’t question his decision to smack my bottom, because it is not my place to do so.

        I will continue to pray for the strength to leave my job and to prioritise my family, over my own selfish desires. I need more strength than what I have currently.

        1. aronhusband Avatar

          Thank you. I think that’s a very good idea, Lauren.

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