Considering how deeply entwined that discipline is with authority, and also how unfamiliar many couples are with discipline today, it is imperative the establish that discipline will be a means of enforcing authority before you are married. You need to have that little talk no matter how awkward it seems. That is not to say it’s impossible to start it after marriage. I have worked with a number of couples who started discipline after many years of marriage, and to confront some problems they faced in marriage. I’ve heard from other men and women who describe the same process. However, the advantage is always to plan beforehand that the husband can use discipline, and that spanking will be an accepted form of correction.
The most obvious reason to plan before marriage is that in this culture, there are many women who will reject the idea of being punished by their husbands offhand. Once you’re married to such a woman, that’s a great deal of trouble to work with. She has already planned and committed herself to rejecting her man’s correction. If a woman rejects being corrected, for practical purposes she is rejecting authority, and that will always cause problems in a marriage. A man does not want to have a meaningless form of headship going into marriage. Establishing his right to correct his wife from the start assures they both know his headship is real, and obedience is not optional. She should give her full informed consent to being disciplined just as she does to marriage, as they go together. This avoids what could be a major fight later on over the very same topic. When you plan for marriage, plan to have a discipline system. I do not recommend marrying any woman who does not understand she is under your headship, and she must accept discipline from you. You would be marrying into defiance.
Another reason to establish and practice discipline from the start, is that correction is being done from the start too. A woman’s is being kept on the right path, and is being turned away from wrong behavior, before those behaviors become habits, or they become worse. Her attitude is kept in check as well. She is learning to be humble and meek enough to be verbally corrected and spanked, which will help keep her soft to her man, and help her follow him more easily. If you start years later, there is much more of a hump to overcome. There is more unlearning to do. There is much more attitude to confront. Likely you will face more direct resistance from her. A man should use spanking from the start of his marriage to maintain his wife’s submission and correct her wrongs. He should see steady growth from there, despite passing obstacles.
To flesh out a point I make above, preparing for discipline before you are married, basically prepares you to understand what headship and submission are. To go into such a relationship with a watered-down form of headship, ultimately risks a very disordered marriage. It sets the pattern for unclear headship by timid men who will not command their wives, and sets the pattern for partial or conditional submission, which is half-hearted and only nurtures a woman’s pride. At heart, it also damages her ability to respect her man, due to his weakness and her lack of full obedience. A neutered authority and superficial submission are a weak foundation, and show a lack of knowledge of marriage, which will surely affect other aspects of home life.
It is also natural in any process for the major growth, and innate obstacles to be dealt with early on. A wife who is spanked from the start of marriage has already faced her fears about being spanked, and about being led. She has likely overcome some of her false pride by being humbled and accepting firm guidance. She has a certain level of confidence in her submission. The process of learning is usually toughest at the start, and it’s wonderful and relieving to get that out of the way early, rather than to keep putting it off. The early process not only builds humility and courage in the wife, but also builds trust and intimacy which come with the correction process. She will grow as a woman and find she is better able to please her man, and that she soon needs spanking less often. Growth should not be put off, but the seed planted, watered, and given light.
This kind of planning lays a good foundation for your future marriage. Being in agreement on a discipline system avoids possible resistance later, gets a wife on the right track from early in a marriage, and assures that both husband and wife have a clear understanding of their roles, and do not need to make major changes later. It allows discipline to do what it does best, which is bring peace and avoid conflict in marriage from the start. New couples considering marriage need to overcome any hesitancy in speaking about discipline. You will have to embrace what this culture wholly rejects, and you will be greatly rewarded for it.
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