These are some things I hear from men and women who want discipline in their home, or who have already started it. I hear many of the same factors at work in starting discipline:

My wife has been disrespectful to me our whole marriage, and she won’t do what I say. Maybe spanking will help

I know I have problems with my attitude, and I feel bad about disrespecting my husband. I heard about spanking and I think it might change my marriage for the good.

We do little but argue. I think spanking will help restore the peace.

My husband doesn’t lead much, and he’s is kind of apathetic. I wish he would lead me clearly and spank me. I need his guidance in life.

I got spanked growing up and it turned around my bad behavior. I’m sure it will help turn around my wife’s behavior as well.

I was spanked growing up, and I expect any husband I marry to spank me. I know it works.

We’ve always had erotic spankings. Maybe they will work for discipline as well. It just feels so right.

I want to experience my husband’s power, and spanking sounds absolutely thrilling.

These are not the only avenues through which spanking gets started in marriage, but they are very common ones. They get the mind thinking about what life will be like, and men and women start making plans. They reflect problems that arise in many marriages, as well as the discord that occurs if man and wife are not living out their roles. Men and women see these problems arise and want a real, long-term solution. They don’t want to argue about them without end. They don’t want coldness and bitterness. They don’t want weak solutions, that take time to work out, and leave them to fall back into the same old problems. They want something that works. Leadership and submission work, and spanking has both short-term and long-term success.

There is also a natural sense of the goodness and natural character of spanking. It just speaks to our hearts, both to the one giving it and the one receiving it. It speaks to the hardness of the man, and the gentle femininity of the woman. It speaks to our sexual natures, and is almost unavoidable to be erotically charged. It speaks to past experience, if we experienced spanking growing up, in being a just and humbling way to administer discipline. It speaks to our personal sense of justice, and our spiritual desire to have wrongs washed away. Despite the negative cultural perception of spanking, and the rather medieval bent of the bdsm movement, at heart we have an idea it is wholesome and it works.

Spanking is deep enough in our character that people we would least expect to want it are supercharged to get started. They dream about it. Men who would be described as quiet and gentle learn to take charge, make the rules, and give their women unforgettable strappings. Ones who had long been afraid of hurting a woman learn to make her shed abundant tears order to correct her. Women who were raised to be independent, to ridicule male power, who were educated in ideological feminism, and easily entered the career world, all seek out submission and learn to kneel before their husbands. They hunger to give up their power to a man. Women give up their prideful ideologies, and lay feminism in the dust, to be held accountable by their men and get spanked when they need it. Marital spanking does all those things because it is good. It is successful. It is attuned to our souls.

Husband and wife usually talk about their desire for discipline first, and a wife openly accepts her husband as her leader, one who will discipline her if she’s bad. She commits herself to submission, even though she still has plenty of work to do in learning to put submission into practice. She steps out of her old life and attitudes, and kneels down before him. Men decide on what standards and rules to have for their wife. They choose instruments to work with, and begin to grow accustomed to spanking, lecturing, and making sure a spanking is the right severity. They have to adapt to how often to spank, and what infractions are serious enough to earn one. 

The vast majority of the time, when they persevere through the learning curve, and through early obstacles, they succeed in reaching their dreams. The man fulfills his role through his strength, and enjoys the soft character of his wife, appreciating her more body and soul than ever before. A woman feels more desired, possessed, and feminine than ever, and knows the thrill of serving her husband. Both of them succeed in bringing peace into the home, and making past conflict almost unheard of in this new order. It just required the idea, the dream, planning, boldness to speak about an awkward topic like spanking, and getting past the early bumps and resistance that challenge us to grow. Headship and submission work because they are built into us, and they’re common sense enough for anyone to learn. Despite what they may say openly, anyone can understand the usefulness of a good spanking. 

Most men and women have also experienced the chaos of intimate relationships that happens when there is not order. That includes marriage and those who are intimate outside of marriage. People both see and experience the lack of rules, the lack of standards, the battle of personalities and egos. They see how emotions determine the relationship, and often determine how it ends, and who gets hurt. They’ve seen the pain, and at times utter uselessness, of trying to build a relationship on pure desire and personality. It does NOT work. Unless you’re holding out for that chance two people both possessing apex emotions for each other, and capable of maintaining those apex emotions for many years, meet and somehow marry, you know those relationships are simply about a lot of suffering. You can avoid suffering sometimes by tuning out, but that’s not a whole lot better either. It is as if the whole fruit is rotten, when in actuality it is not. People are just doing it wrong. They’re ignoring God’s order and nature’s order for marriage. They have built a house on sand and are suffering from the natural results. Man and woman really are built to be compatible, and there is great peace and joy when we are united. We are built to harmonize with one another, and work as well oiled parts of the same machine. We only need to respect that man is head, and woman his helper, along with the rest of the brilliant design God has given us.

I had no doubts about bringing spanking into my marriage. I understood that even if a husband and wife are agreed that the man is in charge, authority does not always go a long way if a wife wants to disobey. It can easily become a meaningless authority, and your words can end up being suggestions. I made sure discipline was a part of our marriage because I know nearly any authority will have to apply itself, and discipline is what helps steer the offender back into line. Spanking works. Even with a gentle and submissive wife, I have needed to use discipline to make sure she takes my words seriously, and does not ignore them. I have had to use it to help her become more responsible with her work as well. Discipline makes sure that authority works in practice, and is not only for very unruly wives, although there are many such wives out there. When you wife knows you can give her a fearsome punishment she will heed your word better, and respond to your authority as real authority. Your words carry weight.

Men know in their hearts there is hope for marriage, and this is one good reason to hope. Marriages can be restored, and a chaotic past between a man and wife can be turned around. Many begin because of problems that seem intractable, while looking for a new solution. For those who are striving to create new peace in their marriage, or just make their bond stronger and closer, spanking provides a method which is irreplaceable. It keeps a woman on point in her behavior, and helps her flower in her femininity. Discipline ought to come together with any marriage, just as it comes together with any real authority. Order tends to break down apart from this exercise of strength.

Why did you start, or why do you want to?


34 responses to “What Got You Started?”

  1. I did not start for any of the reasons listed, I also don’t find it particularly erotic and I don’t much enjoy it. My wife also wasn’t and still isn’t thrilled about it, but she accepts it as she’s my wife, she trusts me, knows she belongs to me, and knows it is for her good. She very much fears my discipline, although the spankings I give her are downright mild compared to what is generally advocated here. I virtually always put her over my knee and use my hand, it is only when she has really done something horrific that I make her fetch the paddle and give her a whipping she won’t forget.

    I also find it quite difficult although it has now been year’s. I do not care for causing her pain, I really do not care for her reaction to, I find the whole thing off-putting. However, I cannot argue with it’s results.

    The first year of marriage was a bit tough, she had silly evangelical feminist ideas that she didn’t realize she had that I had to break her of. She also became pregnant within a couple months of us being married, which I think is typical for Christian couples but atypical for the western world. Anyway, although after the initial difficulties she has always been a good and obiedient wife there are always times when I need a way to enforce my authority, just as with the children a wife also must be kept in line. Any other method seemed weird and degrading to me, simply putting her over my knee for a spanking and lecture is an effective deterrent and gets the point across without a whole lot of continuing excitement.

    How men manage their women without spanking is beyond me I’d say if you truly love your wife, you must give her a spanking when she is disobedient or careless. I’m yet to meet a woman who is able to function properly as a woman without real male authority. Such a thing certainly does not exist.

    1. Thank you for sharing your experience. I believe nearly any man will find, just as you did, that spanking is practical and much more effective than other forms of discipline. Many Christian women indeed absorb ridiculous ideas about marriage, and have a poor idea of what it means to submit. It takes clear guidance and some correction to get her on the right path. It sounds like you are doing an excellence job with your wife.

  2. Wendy Avatar

    As always ty Aron for your lovely guidance it is no always easy to discuss such a sensitive topic I am a bit younger than my husband he is old fashioned. The first time I was spanked I disobeyed my husband and was placed over his knee so fast I didn’t know what was happening until the spanks came I was squirming until my panties came down and the scolding started so embarrassing I was so mad at him the next day he said you may apologize to me for your bad behavior now I said you spanked me and I need to apologize he yes my mother was spanked and you will be too understand you need to say yes sir and apologize for being disobedient or I will punish you as well and that is how it began

    1. johnsonjelena45 Avatar

      WOW, Same for me, I didn’t know what was happening as I was pulled over his knee so fast too. Once over his knee, their was no pause before the spanks started raining down. He bared my bottom as the spanking progressed. Agree, so embarrassing and I was mad too.

      1. Wendy Avatar

        Sorry to hear you started out like me the ouchie way ❤️Wish we started with playful ones

  3. Emily Avatar

    My husband and I started when we got married. I must admit I was difficult to handle, I very much thought I could just continue doing what I always had after the marriage. I was very work focused, more independent and doing what I wanted without communicating with him.

    Its like I saw marriage as ticking a box of things we are supposed to do in life, rather than a deep everlasting commitment, and I didn’t understand my role within our marriage.

    I had a friend group that drew me down that path of ignoring my husband, doing what I wanted when I wanted.

    So my husband got strict with me which was a shock but something that had such a positive effect on me.

    He moved us away from the distractions I had, to a more family orientated area, leaving my career behind and focusing on being a wife and trying for a baby.

    I still need regular guidance for my attitudes and moods but it feels like we are more connected, our roles more clear and there’s more love and happiness in our marriage now.

    1. Thank you. That is something important every husband needs to do: keep his wife away from influences that take her off the path. That could be simple distractions, or negative companions who encourage her to ignore her husband. He has to be vigilant. You sound like you have an excellent attitude, and are committed to following your husband.

  4. johnsonjelena45 Avatar

    Back in the dark ages-1990- If you were naughty to the right or wrong person you might get spanked. In the last 20 years with the internet, consent for spanking has become a thing. I had
    had been dating my future husband for 3-4 months
    I was late for one too many dates (always late) . and I had a self centered attitude. It was back in 1990, he just pulled me over his knee and spanked me. I was totally shocked, mad and upset about being spanked. I hated it but at the same time I rather admired him for having the ball’s to spank me so hard. And within minutes after the spanking I realized it’s what I needed. After the spanking he asked me if I wanted to continue to date or split up. And he said if I continue to date him I could expect more spanking for naughty behavior. I asked what if I was really good, I wouldn’t need to be spanked again, he just laughed at my question and shook his head. I loved him and wanted him, so I agreed. I think if he would have just asked to spank me for naughty behavior, I would have said, “No, I am not a child but a grown woman” I doubt if I would have ever bought the idea of being spanked as an adult- just too foreign to me. I remember about age 16, thinking to myself, I am old to ever be spanked again, and so glad.

    So later on when he proposed to marry me, he said before I accepted, to know spanking would continue in marriage, if I accepted his proposal. At that time we had been together for 11 months and I knew when it came to spanking he was a fair man and knew I was not spanked unless I deserved it. There were times while dating that I was spanked about once a week, sometimes once a month.

    Once we were married we sat down and set some goals for us and some written rules to follow. We actually signed a spanking agreement between us. We used Dr Dorothy Spencer agreements as guide but modified it a lot. (our was a one sided spanking agreement- only I would be spanked). In a nutshell the agreement said I would accept a spanking every time I had broken a rule and he promised to give me a spanking without fail every time a rule was broken. (from an earlier post of Aron’s – I was not spanked after the 5/6 month of pregnancy and that was never a problem.)

    I know Aron does not support premarital bare bottom spanking and you can’t disagree with that. But I was not too young- I was 23 and my future husband was 33 when we started dating. I don’t think my husband would have married me if he had spanked me.

    1. Thank you for sharing your experience. It’s good you had a good, clear, and consistent system of discipline. It helps a wife if she can adapt to it from the start. My wife has gotten some spankings for lateness as well, though it doesn’t happen much anymore.

  5. MidwestHoH Avatar

    I started spanking my wife after she asked that we incorporate domestic discipline into our marriage. I’m not into making many rules for her but if I feel disrespected by her, especially during a disagreement, she will be taken over my knee. I spank her pretty firmly, but have yet to make her cry. When I see her bottom getting quite red I usually stop even if I think she deserves to be spanked to tears.

    One thing that we both believe has truly helped us is this: if she lets her emotions get the best of her when she is frustrated or angry during a disagreement and she becomes disrespectful, I very calmly let her know she’s just earned herself a spanking and would be wise to express herself in a more dignified manner for the rest of the conversation. After we have finished our conversation I tell her she must come find me in one hour and ask for the spanking she earned.

    The reason this has helped so much is that our discussions are usually very honest and productive after that point of letting her know she has overstepped.

    1. Thank you for your comment. Good discussion as you have with your wife is important, so she can understand what she did wrong, and how to avoid it in the future. Overstepping because of emotions is a common weakness among wives. I’m sure your guidance helps her greatly.

  6. Craig Avatar

    Hello Everybody,

    I want to say that DD is magical. The first year we did it might have been the best year of our marriage. We followed everything we could read, did the boot camp, maintenance spankings, and meaningful discipline.

    My wife is a independent,owns her own business, mother of three strong woman. She has a problem with becoming the leader, submitting, and being disrespectful in cycles in are life. She 100% wants to follow the Bible and knows when we both follow Scripture our marriage works.

    I would say 2 years into DD was a hit or miss if discipline worked. Sometimes she would throw a fit, say it was way to hard, hold a grudge, say I don’t hear her or I communicate poorly on the discipline. It could go either way. Sometimes the punishment seemed not to be working and the next day my wife was nice, soft, and respectful. Anyways, DD seemed to have results or make things worse.
    My wife would say I was inconsistent, spanking her in the wrong place, or not fully committed. I would tell her she can not lead from the bottom. I would get fed up with it.

    We have tried over the last 5 years to find that first year. Never can find it again.

    My questions after rambling:

    How do you overcome the strong willed wife that either makes you feel guilty for punishment or continues the disrespect the next day? Be consistent? Harder punishment/discipline? Better communication? I know the answer is yes. Any tips?

    We been married almost 23 years. We just wanted to be happier. We do not want to end up angry grandma and grandpa. My wife is truly an amazing woman that wants DD to strengthen our marriage. I know I need to be more consistent and sometimes feel like I missed the discipline window. (That should be a thing, dicipline window)

    Very long sorry. One more question.

    I am Studying Christian Ministry. I have found it harder to discipline my wife. I know discipline works, for sure. I have noticed my wife has a hard time forgiven and I say I am sorry incorrectly. Anything that helps remedying this?

    We know for a fact DD works. Actually it has done wonders for us. I just get stuck on frustrating roadblocks with it sometimes. One day I want to stop and the next it has to happen.

    Again, sorry so long. Just would like some advice.

    Thank you

    1. Hello Craig, Thank you for explaining your situation. I’m very glad you recognize that discipline is very practical and helpful in marriage. There are women who will have trouble with backsliding, and with overcoming their ego or independence. I believe in nearly all cases this can be overcome with the right leadership on your part and with discipline.

      Firstly, as you say your wife has already suggested, you do need to be consistent. Be firm in your teaching, in your lecture, and in your punishment. Spank hard and thoroughly for an offense. Do not let bad attitude slide at all. Do not put up with disrespect. Use your words and verbal correction where they fit best, when she is just beginning to go the wrong way, and spank hard for serious offenses. Be clear. Be unapologetic. Set goals for her and hold her to them.

      Some degree of training may also help your wife, if she struggles with backsliding. That would include possible training spankings, regular sexual training, or anything else you believe could be helpful to her. Nurture her femininity in general, in her behavior. Make sure she is soft, gentle, and easily follows your lead. Make sure she speaks appropriately for a woman, with respectful, gentle, and clean language. Make sure her dress and outward appearance are also feminine, as the inside should match the outside of a person.

      You also need to steer your wife clear of negative influences on her. If there are influences, including companions, that encourage her independence or rebellion, keep her away from them. Find better and goldy influences and activities that will help her grow as a woman of God. Adults, like children, can absorb attitudes and behaviors from their surroundings, so keep those things appropriate for a woman and a wife. If you need to say no to things she loves, say no, and she will need to live without them.

      As I write about in one article, and have mentioned elsewhere in the comments and in discussion with the readers, having a career outside of the home makes it generally more difficult for a wife to submit to her husband. It promotes independence and gets her accustomed to being the one with power. I would not be surprised if that is a part of the problem here. There may be exceptions, but that is the general trend. A wife’s work is in the home. That work will nurture her godliness and femininity, and help her grow in those things. She should be full time in the home, serving you, and caring for the children. That is not part-time work but takes the whole day.

      Remember, if you and she are committed to doing what the Bible teaches, you will both be committed to your headship and her obedience. You will both be committed to her role in the home, which is also taught in Scripture. Base your whole marriage on what the Word of God teaches, and that will take care of problems. Discipline is only a tool, and doesn’t work as well apart from those heart elements that make a marriage. Commit yourself both to obedience to God and I am convinced you will see better results, and ongoing ones.

      Further, teach your wife regularly from the Bible, every week. You are her primary teacher. Be a part of a Bible believing church which respects the doctrines of the faith, including what makes a family. Avoid worldly entertainments for yourself, your wife, or your children.

      I hope that helps. Feel free to write me at my e-mail if you’d like to discuss things further.


      This is my article on the problems caused by work outside of the home:

    2. Wondering Avatar

      I just wanted to add my answer to your question because it seems like a lot of what you say your wife feels, and how she is, reminds me of myself. And actually, it wasn’t until literally this week, that I definitely realized something. I’ve had the same thoughts and struggles. Lately, disrespect is ZERO tolerance. Each time I show my master any disrespect, I am paddled 10 times more than the last time. It started with the first time being 30 swats and by a week later, I had gone up to 50. The thing is, it didn’t make me FEEL any more like being respectful. I already wanted to be, and knew I wasn’t always. It actually wasn’t until one day last week, after I deserved another paddling, that he said “I am choosing mercy this time.” And really, he’s extended mercy to me 3 times in the last week. (I ended up having to write a LOT of Bible verses, and an essay about how he deserves to be treated.) Each time, I was thankful, but the third time, it did something to my heart. It made me “look up to” and admire him again. Suddenly, I remembered who he has been in my eyes for a long time. I literally had lost that feeling when he was more “consistent” with spanking. I ended up trying to make sure I didn’t get in trouble, instead of seeing him, and naturally loving and wanting to obey him. Everyone is different. I looked it up online because it seems like I keep reading how being more harsh and consistent is best. For me, it honestly isn’t that. And online it said, for people who are really contrite about doing whatever, mercy works better than punishment. To someone who is just entitled and not even sorry about their wrong, punishment seems to work better. I just know the difference I’ve felt in my heart. Punishment made me more hurt (haha literally and figuratively) than anything. Being shown mercy, made me love and respect and never want to be anything toward him that I shouldn’t be. Anyways, just a thought. I’m sure people will say I am wrong, but to me, I know how I personally feel. But yes, I have always wanted to do right, because I love my Savior and I want to follow Him.

      1. Thank you for your comment, Julie. I have an article specifically on the meaning and purpose of forgiveness. There may be unique instances when simply letting it go without punishment may teach the desired lesson, especially if the heart is prepared to learn.

        However, considering there are a number of other factors, and according to his comments he has not always been consistent, I believe it’s important to look at the overall leading of the household, and making sure the discipline is applied when necessary, and is firm enough. Those things are some of the commonest problems.

        An ongoing leaning towards independence and backsliding probably is not coming from not receiving the occasional cancelation of punishment. There are likely other temptations and weaknesses drawing her in that direction. That’s my take on it.

        This is my article on forgiveness as part of a discipline system:

  7. Cresta Avatar

    Hi Aron,
    In answer to your question about what got us started, the answer would be that YOU got us started. 🙂

    But how?

    I always was drawn to the idea of my husband disciplining me, but at the same time felt kind of weird and guilty for wanting that. And for him it didn’t make any sense at all, if I wanted to be disciplined was it really discipline? At the same time I believed in egalitarian marriage, so it was that egalitarian side of me telling me that wanting my husband to beat me was super stupid and messed up, so that’s what made me feel guilty for wanting that. Although my husband often tried to share verses with me about the requirement upon me to respect him and submit to him, but all that did was infuriate me that he would try to use the Bible to have power over me, and I started to resent him AND the Bible. While I wanted the physical discipline that turned me on with his power, I didn’t want the truth behind it. At the same time when my husband and I were intimate I knew I loved being submissive and had no interest in being equal, but that was just in the bedroom. Not only that, but the closeness we felt in making love tended to disappear as soon as we got on with our day, and had our first argument for the day a half hour later.

    Then I found your blog. And you put words to WHY I wanted my husband’s discipline. You described a complete picture of marriage where the sexual side of things and the authority side of things danced together in perfect union. All of the sudden I could see that my deepest desires were not a lie, were not an evil thing to be squashed, but were actually telling me something about the real lie in my life: the lie that I should be on equal footing with my husband. I had a decision to make: acknowledge he was indeed my head and I had been living in rebellion to him and to the Scriptures, or keep going in a sinful direction that wasn’t satisfying me anyway. Your writing helped me choose the first option.

    And so then I shared with you at some point here that I was repenting and you encouraged me to not worry too much about whether my husband disciplined me but to start submitting to him. And a friend of mine who had no idea what was going on told me the Lord wanted me to read Hebrews 12, where I read, “Our fathers disciplined us for a time….how much more shall we submit to the Father of our Spirits and live?” And your advice plus what I heard from the Lord when I read this was that it was important to submit to my husband out of reverence for God, whether or not my husband disciplined me or not. Ironically it was a very short time after that, when my husband heard my confession, saw my repentence, and saw me really earnestly trying to be under him and apologizing every time I caught myself disrespecting or trying to rule over him, that he started to believe that physically disciplining me wasn’t just a game but would have real meaning.

    From there we included having me kneel to him when he wanted to remind me of my place, when I got out of hand. I never dreamed I’d be kneeling to my husband, I thought kneeling was something only for God but that isn’t true at all, kneeling has its place to Earthly authorities whose authority represents God in their respective sphere. Just like I never thought I would call my husband “lord” or “master” but in the New Testament, Sarah is held up in high esteem for doing so and we as women are told to follow her example. It feels weird to be so formal to call my husband a title (even just to call him “Sir”) but he tells me it doesn’t feel weird to him at all and he appreciates it, and I have learned that peppering my speech with such terms of respect helps keep me in a good place, as it’s hard to usurp him while calling him “Sir.” Kneeling is probably just as powerful at bringing us back into a correct relationship if things go off as discipline is, and we feel very close to each other whenever I kneel to him (which sometimes I do on my own to show him my subjection and love, and sometimes he orders me to do so if he knows I’ve lost myself and need to come back to him.)

    We do maintenance now here and there as well, which I know you’re not into, but for those of us for whom submission is not “normal” it helps keep things in focus and keeps the frequent “forgetting who is in charge” a lot less frequent or severe. Whether it is maintenance or punishment, he appreciates me submitting to his chastening and I appreciate being chastened, even though it hurts and is hard to take in the moment, but it helps us both know we are committed to our roles when we accept each other in discipline and it keeps us close. He appreciates it if I ask for more strokes as it says I truly receive his efforts and I am required to thank him when he is finished.

    We have had our ups and downs, we have had the times when I don’t think his discipline is justified and I feel he is acting out to punish me unfairly or in his flesh. I wreaks havoc on our dynamic if I refuse in those moments and I have learned it is very destructive and wrong if I do. It’s not my job to judge the rightness of his leadership but rather to come under it. Similarly there are times I feel he is inconsistent and lax about disciplining me, it is also very destructive for me to get into that mindset as well, and I have learned that while I am free to ask for punishment or maintenance if I think I have earned or need it, and he is usually moved by my request and ready to provide, there are times he judges it to be unnecessary or he is simply tired, and it is just as much submission to accept that as well.

    At any rate he has the right now to put me in my place, verbally, or otherwise. Marriage makes a lot more sense this way and we are a lot closer to each other. Thanks be to God, and I am grateful for your ministry here Aron.

    1. Thank you. I’m very honored. That’s very well stated, and I believe your experience is a good model for other women in marriage.

      I am also convinced if more men and women saw discipline within the full spectrum of the marital relationship, they would be more eager to try it. Illusions that it is simply a kink, or that it is tyrannical would disappear. I’m glad you can see where discipline fits in, and that it has helped your marriage.


  8. I asked my husband to start discipline. He was always the leader of the home but I felt we needed more. It took him some time to get on board but he has now.
    I knew I needed to be disciplined and also be more submissive. I still behave badly sometimes and get disciplined but I am gradually improving. I know my place in the family and I’m so glad to be here.

    1. Anne, That’s interesting to hear. It is frequently the woman who requests spanking in marriage, not the man. Yet even a woman who knows it will help her has obstacles to deal with, and can find a spanking is not easy to face. I’m very glad it has helped you deepen in your submission to your husband.

  9. My wife and I began CDD about 1 1/2 yr ago. Thanks to Aaron’s blog. We weren’t in a bad place. We were in a good place but we kind of found it one day and were really curious about this non-bdsm form of structure.
    I was probably much more intrigued than my wife but we both were. It really was a blessing to find it at the same time. My wife is really good about including me in internet searches that could lead to something we aren’t aiming for. This was one of those times.
    We tried it out and I could see how it brought us closer as a couple. It took my wife longer but with time we both saw the value. We are more informal than others. We take a lot of breaks but the lessons from the times we’ve done it carries into the breaks. We keep up with other role affirmations like “Sir” and male headship that really helps too.
    I’m really grateful that this is my life. I know not every man even in the church can say that about marriage.

    1. Thank you, Marty. It is a structure that makes marriage more successful, and prevents a lot of the misery others run into. It can solve serious problems, or simply make a strong union better and more pleasant. I’m very honored my writings were able to help you and your wife. Blessings.

  10. Better Lady Avatar
    Better Lady

    My husband and I have been practicing domestic discipline for about 2 and a half years now after more than 22 years of marriage. We began after I had some sobering health issues that made me turn around some of my bad habits in diet and exercise. Upon becoming more healthy physically, I also became clearer in my thoughts and started to recognize that other aspects of my life could also stand some improvement. That was when I began looking for relationship advice online. There is much advice that leads people down the wrong paths but it is well disguised in articles talking about equality and communication but none of that seemed to work. Then I came across this site as well as a few others that encourage spanking. While I read and pondered, it took me several months to work up the courage to speak to my husband about it. When I did, he listened but was hesitant based on the things he has been taught his entire life. It took us a while to settle into a routine but with each trial, we both grew and found the good fruits of our labors. Now we are both still practicing and learning but we do have some solid routines, clear expectations, real communication and incredible closeness and intimacy. I hope that more people will find this site and give discipline and headship a try. It is the right way. It feels right and it has brought more love, peace and harmony into our lives.

    And to anyone that is concerned that discipline will turn into non-stop spanking, I can promise you that if your heart truly desires love and peace, spankings will become very infrequent. Once you experience the love and satisfaction that comes along with submission and headship, it will become much easier as a wife to submit and obey because they are both very natural and right attitudes to have and display. As you embrace those and let go of the feminist ideas that have been thrust upon you in this society, it will become easy to settle into soft, feminine and appropriate behaviors which will greatly reduce the need for spanking while also elevating love, closeness and confidence. Both my husband and I have seen great benefits in all aspects of our lives since embracing and practicing headship and submission. Whether you believe in scripture or not, there is no denying that men and women were designed to be together and something so well designed will work beautifully when we follow the right path.

    Thank you, Aron for having the courage to write about such sensitive topics here for all to read, hopefully embrace and find the endless joy that marriage will bring.

    1. You’re welcome, Better Lady. Starting up discipline in marriage can indeed mean unlearning a lot of what we’ve been trained to think, and developing a deeper trust than before. Once you have the right trajectory, it usually means continual progress. It starts to be richly rewarding.

      You’re right, many of the fears about spanking being misused are unfounded. and grave misuse happens very rarely. Most people who have a misstep simply correct themselves and do it better the next time. I am so happy it worked for you, and truly want more couples to try it.

      Take care.

  11. LH Lipsett Avatar
    LH Lipsett

    How are the man’s wrongs washed away?

    1. Through confession and repentance, or through correction by other men or by his superiors.

      1. Lana Lipsett Avatar
        Lana Lipsett

        I am glad you feel that need to do something. I began to wonder if you actually thought that men are paragons of virtue. Best wishes to you and your wife.

        1. Thank you. I have never claimed anything like that. But the topic of the website is the discipline of wives, in the context of headship and submission in marriage. That’s what it is going to focus on. Other aspects of marriage get less frequent mention.

  12. In my case as soon as I met my husband I fell in love with his non-nonsense assertiveness and take-charge attitude. I was raised in a Christian home but my father never really established his leadership and I never felt that my mother respected him, it made home feel chaotic and unsafe. It was easy to get out of being punished and even when I was punished it was basically random and wasn’t harsh, so I got away with a lot but struggled with feeling a lack of direction. I always felt more comfortable around authority figures (teachers, bosses) who were strict and demanding, who provided structure in my life.

    So submission to my husband pretty much started as soon as we began dating, he took command and it felt natural and welcome to obey him. He told me early in our relationship what the rules were going to be when we got married and that physical punishment would be introduced at that time. It was still a little scary but it was what I wanted and needed. Our vows were very clear about how things would be and they weren’t just words, we have lived up to our promises of leadership and service.

    So I’m grateful and I know I’m very lucky that God blessed me with this man who has given my life purpose and who protects and provides for our family. It’s hard sometimes to read about women who struggle to convince their husbands to take charge, or men who struggle with wives who resist their leadership. I realize that I’m very fortunate and I’m grateful.

    1. That sounds like a great experience, Monica. Thank you for sharing. I know you are very blessed by having a husband who will lead you clearly, and he must treasure you.

    2. Anonymous Avatar

      Monica, what you wrote is very beautiful particularly your complete comfort and acceptance of your husband’s direction from the beginning and the identity of leadership and service. Very inspiring.

  13. Mark-23 Avatar

    We both came from traditional Christian house holds where spanking was the norm and authority was to be respected, so it was no stranger to us. We both agreed while we were dating that this was to occur. I am grateful that we both grew up with this expectation. It made it so much easier for us.

    1. Thank you for your comment. That’s one advantage of having discipline in the home growing up. It sets a good example and prepares the way for the future. That alone avoids a lot of possible pitfalls.

  14. sweetsunflower2012 Avatar

    I only recently came upon your site. I have wanted to find something to strengthen my husband as the HOH and help me be more submissive. I have been intrigued and finally worked up the nerve to talk to him about it. I pulled up some of the most helpful (for me) posts for him to read through before deciding. Im nervous but alsk hoping he agrees to DD to improve our marriage.

    1. That’s wonderful. I greatly hope he agrees as well. I am very honored that my website has helped you along, both in learning about discipline, and in introducing it to your husband. I hope you will let us know what happens. Take care.

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