Is Spanking Only for Macho Men?

Since authority and discipline are matters which involve such strength, it is easy to imagine that men who command their wives, and correct them with a spanking, are the macho type of males. It draws to mind the stronger, or obviously assertive men. Some men have a knack for telling others what to do and for making their mind known. Others are more physically strong, and carry a natural presence into any room. It draws to mind old-school images of men in wife-beater t-shirts and perhaps Italian accents, going on a tirade. Likewise, we may see a more respectable and pruned man, in a uniform with polished brass, leading military-style discipline. Yet these are not the only men who have authority in the home, and often you will find that men who are apparently very macho, are very passive at home with their wives, and some of them prefer to sit back and let her decide things. Men who are leaders in the home cannot be typified by traditionally strong male traits, although they certainly have strength. They may be quieter than normal, soft spoken, and not physically strong by comparison. That is because spanking is rooted in authority, which any husband has, and not in having the greatest of male traits.

Some people imagine leadership to require extraordinary pushing, and there may be unique occasions when it does. However, most of leadership is just simply doing your job, according to the role that you carry. Any husband has that role of leadership, so all he needs to do is use it: he sets the goals for the home, he gives instructions, he sets the rules and enforces them. His wife follows him because of her role, and he does not constantly need to establish authority because he already has it. It may be true there are some rebellious women that do require authority being established repeatedly, but that is not the ordinary case. Leading and following come from our roles, and not by constant domineering. A man is a leader because of his nature, and because of his role. He does not need unique skills, although there are some that will come with time and experience, and benefit him in leading. He does not need an excess of testosterone either. A man’s word is law, and his decisions are authoritative. Any man can speak quietly, and have full authority.

Masculinity to begin with is not uncontrolled raw power. It may include greater strength than a woman has, but it also includes reason, direction, moral knowledge, communion with God, refinement, and some amount of sensitivity. That’s a reason why men, despite their strength, have been great at a variety of things besides weightlifting, and having physical altercations. Civilization was built primarily by men. Masculinity leads men to explore knowledge, measure the world around us, analyze seas of data, discern fine ethical questions, write books, write poetry, make music of incredible depth and sensitivity, and commune with God. Men wrote the Torah and the Prophets, and the New Testament. The strength and power of masculinity is not simply rooted in raw power and forcefulness. It is a strength which comes from God, and touches all that a man does. His desire for knowledge, of God, and of this world, is just as strong as his physique. It goes out and explores, subdues, understands the world, and does so for the greater good.

A man who has less strength and assertiveness than another man does not need to think he is unable to lead, or that he is not strong. This is just a part of natural human variety. Much of that variety is very good. We are not all meant to have the same capacities, nor are men. A man who is more thoughtful or sensitive than another man need not doubt himself. In fact, the quiet kid who was a nerd in school is often the one who ends up more powerful in life than the more obviously masculine kid who used to beat him up. The boy who was teased for being a little girly could end up the next leader of a nation. We live in an era, tragically and comically, in which men who doubt themselves will be encouraged to consider they might actually be a woman inside, and may actually benefit from play acting the opposite sex. They will be led down a path of insecurity and confusion to a lifestyle which typically involves mental distress and greater human anguish. In fact, the number of people confused about their gender, or practicing homosexual behavior, has increased incredibly in the past several decades alone, and has increased exponentially if you go back over fifty years. The current culture which attacks sex is essentially making people mentally ill. It is harming them and making them miserable. In reality, most men or women who feel insecure in their sex, or a little different or awkward, get over this most of the time, and grow up normally, with a life as happy as anyone else. Men and women raised normally come to be comfortable in their sex, through experience, understanding, and the support of human society. Masculinity is strong, broad, and deep enough that men who are slightly weaker or more feminine, are just as male as anyone else. God has his use for them, and the unique fold of men which they represent.

It should be common sense that men who command and spank their wives are anything but brutes. The head of the home is no more likely to spend his time yelling at people than the leader of a business, or leaders of a state. Even the very typically masculine position such as football coach involves a lot more than yelling. A man who heads his wife communicates with intelligence and respect. He shows godly knowledge and wisdom. He guides his wife with a concern for her benefit, because he is entrusted with her care, and he takes that role seriously. He commands her without putting her down or losing control. He does not curse at her or use insults. Even his corrections are tempered with self-control and a loving care for her well-being. The public might like to portray the spanking husband as a bully or a brute, but that is out of a desire to malign the practice, which they have little desire to understand. The spanking husband is simply a man with control of his wife. This is a control that is tempered, channeled for the good, and infused with wisdom. The same masculinity which built human civilization, and which spoke God’s Word as prophets, is also leading a woman.

It is true that men who are generally quiet, or weaker than others, may feel at a disadvantage. Yet that disadvantage is easily overcome with a little learning and experience as a husband. He will get a workout and he will get stronger. He simply needs to learn to speak more often. He needs to speak more in imperatives, so his wife clearly knows what he wants. He needs to embrace his role, and clearly establish his will. These are normal parts of learning to lead, and even the more aggressive men need to learn some of this too. Developing skills of leadership over time does not require great strength or special skills. It just comes from normal learning and experience. I hope to offer some guidance to men through this website, and there are other good resources for learning leadership. Nearly anyone can do it if they put in the effort, and take their job seriously. Once a man understands that his authority comes from his role, and that he has those resources in being a man, it becomes simpler and easier to lead. You don’t need to prove anything to anyone. You don’t have to flex your muscle all the time. You just need to do your job. 

In fact, many men who are overtly masculine by appearance, are too soft at home. They can do the most manly activities; build a log cabin by hand, spear fish a shark, disarm a knife-wielding assailant, all the while gnawing raw red meat off the bone, but it doesn’t add up to much masculinity if they go home and turn the governing over to their wives. Sadly, it’s not hard to meet very masculine men who are like this. They don’t want to take on the authority at home. They don’t like the responsibility of being the head of the home. They let their wives make the decisions. They let them disrespect them. They allow their wives to do as they wish; allowing them to dress lewdly, do masculine activities, go out to bars, take on the man’s role in church, and basically be without reins. From what I’ve been told, men in Australia often fit this bill very well, being rugged and masculine on the outside, but passive in their marriages. I don’t claim to have the answers to why this happens, but I do know the solution; that is to respect God’s purpose in marriage and respect the nature of real masculinity, and take on your authority without regret. It is irresponsible and harmful to shove it aside.

This all adds evidence to the fact that you don’t have to meet alpha male or macho stereotypes to lead your wife. It also shows you don’t have to be as male as possible in everything to be a real man. There are good reasons why some men are stronger than others; why some are lords and others vassals, why some are number one and others number two or three. If everyone had a successful career job, no one on earth would be garbage collectors, and every single town would be filled with stink, disease, and animal scavengers. We need a variety in men to survive, and even a variety in men to manifest God in all of His aspects and His purposes. We need warriors, and poets, and prophets, and geeks, and immaculate stuffed suits. You are not weak just because you’re not the best at male behavior. You are a real man. You are built to lead your wife.

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7 responses to “Is Spanking Only for Macho Men?”

  1. Wondering Avatar

    I’m not sure what to say about this post. All I can say is, it is true. From looking at men in general, I’ve noticed all kinds. There are some big, tough looking guys who might scare other people, but have no leadership in their homes. And I’ve seen very unassuming men, who have control in their homes and the respect they should have, from their wives. And I’m just thinking: I really don’t think any of this has to do with a man or his size or persona. I think women want to respect their husbands. I think a lot of times, men don’t have that respect, whether this is right or not, because they’re just not respectable. 😐 Think of a guy who lies about his wife to other people, cheats on her, mocks and controls her. She might try to respect and obey him, but there will be a limit. Then think of a normal guy, who loves his wife and leads his family. He loves God and teaches his family the Bible and he’s not a pushover at all, but his wife adores him because he is a righteous man. It had nothing to do with stature. I’m pretty sure most women don’t go into marriage, planning on disrespecting their husbands, or “running” everything at home. Sometimes women are forced into roles they weren’t made for, and no amount of discipline from her husband, is going to “fix” that. I think men need to fix their own problems, and everything else will fall into place without all that much effort.

  2. Aron, you mentioned that there are good resources for learning leadership. Where should I start to explore this topic? Thank you in advance for your reply.

    1. Hello Igor, Thanks for your question. I did not have any specific source in mind regarding how to learn leadership. Beyond the Bible, I would recommend any Bible believing Christian source on leadership. There are tactics to leading that can also be learned from secular sources, but there would be more qualifications as to what you could accept of their teachings. I plan to do an article specifically on practical headship, which will include some tips, but it won’t be up for a while.

  3. Perhaps the key question to ask is this: does each man bring a Management-Focussed mindset to the task of leading, training and correcting his wife?

    If he does, the task of disciplining her forms part of a natural order in which his management skills set the tone for so many aspects of their relationship. His approach is characterised by organisation and consistency of approach, which tell her what’s expected of her – and what the consequences will be for offenses against the code of conduct.

    1. That’s an interesting way to look at it, Adam. Thank you. Having a set of standards, being able to communicate them clearly, and being consistent with discipline are all important in leading her.

  4. My husband isn’t physically strong but is an amazing manager of our home. He knows my weaknesses and is helping train me to overcome these. He would be classed as weak but he isn’t within our marriage. Yes I obey him as that is my role but he gains my total respect by his gentleness.

    1. He sounds like a great husband, Anne. I am not a very large or alpha type guy myself, but I set myself to doing my job, and it is not difficult to lead my wife.

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