This is part of a series called Managing Your Wife. You can read the first articles on Finances right here.
I am writing in response to the concerns of one of our readers, who wanted some insight on a wife’s emotional outbursts, and how a husband can deal with them. Said outbursts were her own, but considering they were a repeated experience for her, and also a habit for certain other women, I did want to address the topic. One thing to remember is that an outburst, by definition, is simply a strong emotional release, and that not all outbursts involve punishable behavior. Women in general are more likely to get emotional, whether to start venting frustrations verbally or by crying. A husband has various options to deal with them, as he does with other matters of guiding his wife.
If outbursts are something that lead her to be disrespectful or disobedient, then this certainly needs to be confronted and she should be spanked. The same is true if it leads her to complaining about her husband, if that complaining is persistent, and she will not stop when told she needs to stop. The husband needs to stand up to her. He needs to be bold. Outbursts of emotion sometimes become too expected for women, leading some to believe that being emotional can used as an excuse for bad behavior. It becomes a variant of the “everybody does it” argument. Yet the human being is not meant to be out of control. He is meant to be well ordered, peaceful, and self controlled. Any woman can learn self control, and maintain respect and obedience to her husband, even if she is feeling an influx of emotion. She has no excuse. She is a grown up and should make it a goal to have a loving and gentle countenance at all time, including in hardship.
Some of the pitfalls of having a tantrum are that a wife will get into trouble. This may be because she becomes disrespectful, or outright insulting. It may be that she causes an ugly scene in public. It may be that she becomes resentful of discipline, and chooses to resist her husband’s correction when instructed what to do. Each of these need to be addressed with discipline, but ideally, I would correct her when she is calmer, so that it registers more with her mind, and you do not need to fight her. If she is too emotional for a calm talk, give her time in the corner, as much as she needs, and proceed with her correction later when you find she’s ready. She should regret not just the infraction, but the loss of control that led to it, and which landed her over your knee. Give her tips to stay away from any tantrums in the future. Let her know you expect more mature behavior and how she needs to respond differently next time. You will see far fewer tantrums.
Spankings are excellent at restoring a woman to stillness at heart, so there will at least be some short term good there with visible results. A spanking restores her to calm, diminishes her anxieties or her confusion, and gets her back focused on what she needs to do. That’s not that it will never need to be repeated, but a simple taste of your strength, and some time bare and vulnerable over your knee, will make her wonder what she was ever upset about, or at least be able to view her problem her more realistically, and rationally. She will be responding to you, and you will be giving her the direction she needs, so she will not be torn up by whatever situation caused her outburst. You are her strength, and often what she needs is a simple spanking.
There will be many instances when emotional behavior by a woman does not cross the line into a serious infraction. However, even in these instances, it is good for a husband to provide her with the guidance that will help her avoid being so overwhelmed. He should help her acquire peace inside, long-suffering in any problems, and a deeper sense of trust, all of which can help stem any tide of anxiety or anger which she feels. He can remind her when she is nearing that line of losing control, or preemptively give her instruction or encouragement before it happens. These are ongoing goals, part of the slow growth in maturity, but guiding her to peace is a natural part of his leadership, and spiritual role in the home. Knowing she can trust in her husband, and feeling his love and strength, also help women to be balanced, and not so easily overridden by their emotions. It is comforting for them. If a woman loses control, sometimes simply leaving her alone will give her time to collect herself, and the matter can be better approached later.
A husband should be aware that tantrums can be sparked by a variety of causes. Some appear to have no cause. A wife might be stressed and overwhelmed, and lashes out because she is feeling raw. In contrast, she may simply be spoiled, and used to getting her way, so she bawls because she can’t get her way, or because she doesn’t like what she has to do. She may be holding on to bitterness, which has found its point of release. Leading her soul to peace will include a variety of things: any practical help she may need in life, as well as helping in her spiritual growth, in humility, meekness, and femininity, all of which will set a sweet tone in the heart so that it does not easily blow up. Her trust in your as her husband is very important, and provides rest for the soul. Your strength, encouragement, direction, and admonishment when she needs it keep her soul healthy, and helps her walk in dignity, so that she does not easily stumble.
It should be noted that some couples practice spanking even when there has not been a clear offense. Take that into consideration. Many women will say that a spanking helps them simply as a stress relief, or to get them back to being focused when they are falling apart. While I do not use spanking that way myself, you may find that it can help alleviate tantrums, even when no disrespect or disobedience is involved. The act is very intimate and powerful, and helps guide women on the right path. A spanking on the bare over the knee can cleanse stress, ill feelings, and unwanted guilt either way. The lesson that comes with a spanking, and the way it focuses a woman on having the right mindset, can also prove beneficial in these instances. It really is a judgment call to be worked out with some discussion, but you may find spankings help your wife in getting over being too emotional, despite the fact they are not punitive.
Feeling bad and crying are not evils. Much of the time they can be dealt with through prayer and other means. It is good for a woman to be introspective, and aware when such feelings begin to come upon her. Once she recognizes them, she is better ready to respond in the right way, and place her heart in a place of love, and prepare her feet for the right action. She should prepare her heart to be grateful for all she has, in the midst of whatever anxiety she feels. She should also know where that line she does not wish to cross is, and learn to walk in peace, despite any crisis she feels. Her behavior does not need to give way to tantrums. Such loss of control often results from attacks of fear or bitterness, and these are demons which can be dispelled. Overall, having a strong and intimate marriage makes such outbursts rare, but the female heart will always go through them at times, and they are not to be feared. She is the weaker vessel. With her husband’s protection she always comes to deeper peace.
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