This testimony comes from a letter sent to me by a reader, who has agreed with her husband to let me post it. I believe her testimony is valuable to other couples, in how it shows that she is learning submission, and becoming more feminine, with the help of her husband’s leadership and discipline. Her life and journey into submission may have its unique facets, but the lessons are valuable to all.
My husband and I are still on our successful journey learning submission together. As I continue on this journey, I continue to learn more and more about myself and have learned more of what I need from my husband. I don’t think I am in an uncommon position and I thought that I would share some more of my discoveries that you have not really addressed on your website that may be helpful to others.
I agree that woman are genetically wired to be much more emotional than men. I also agree that our stronger emotions help us to be better at caring for others including children and our husband. These are great and necessary qualities.
When I began working, I found that it was difficult for me to be rational and non-emotional in the work place and I had to work very hard to make decisions based on facts. With practice and a strong desire to provide for my family while my husband was unable to work, I became quite successful in my career and advanced rapidly. What I didn’t realize was that in doing so, I became entirely analytical and had pushed my emotions and feelings down so deep and locked them up so tight inside that I became cold and unable to express those natural feelings and characteristics that make women truly beautiful and successful in our natural state. It happened so slowly that I didn’t see it, especially because I was receiving recognition and success in the workplace but those feelings of accomplishment in the workplace mean very little compared to the feelings of a truly successful marriage.
When I made the decision to try to improve my relationship with my husband, I did so in an analytical manner as well and struggled with the idea of submission and obedience even though both felt right and natural but transitioning back to those habits proved to be more difficult than I imagined because of what I had to do to become successful in the work place. I thank God everyday for giving me a patient husband and your guidance.
It has been about a year and a half since my husband and I agreed to some rules, roles and discipline. I am finally starting to understand how to be professional in the workplace and still be a proper submissive, respectful and helpful wife at home. It’s hard. But understanding has helped a lot. I am still working on true obedience. I do want to be obedient in my heart but I still stumble sometimes and not even with things that are serious. My husband is learning how to identify and help me correct my stumbles (usually just a warning is all I need) which is very helpful for me.
You have written on the dangers of feminism but I didn’t see anything that references how western ways can really cause women to bury there emotions which I am sure I don’t have to tell you means that eventually they explode in raging temper tantrums full of anger and aggression and for some, possible violence. I am lucky that violence was never the case with me.
I know that you feel strongly that women belong in the home and not in the workplace but I know that there are many who feel they cannot or are unwilling to leave the workplace but may still want to have more loving and harmonious relationships so I thought this may be helpful insight.
These are some things that have helped me through working and home life over the last year and a half:
1. The importance of clothing – I am and have always been modest in my dress but now I keep a very clear separation between the clothing I wear to work and the clothing I wear at home. I cannot stress this point enough. I dress appropriately professional for the workplace and 100% of the time, when I return home from work, I immediately change clothing after greeting my husband. Since we do not have children, he prefers that I dress femininely in lingerie or a dress depending on what plans we may have. I also only wear skirts or dresses when he and I go out unless he specifies otherwise. Removing my work clothes helps me strip my work attitude and helps me remember my place and responsibilities at home.
2. No matter what, I do not use the word “no” when communicating with my husband. This also helps me think about my submission and encourages and guides more helpful language and actions.
3. I asked for him to discipline me so when he does, either verbally or physically, I always thank him verbally. Sometimes it takes longer than it should, but I am getting better and I know that telling him thank you shows him that I accept his authority and encourages him to continue to correct me when I need to be corrected. It’s tough for me sometimes and I am embarrassed that I do not always immediately have the ability to correct course and thank him but he recognizes that I am working on it and he shows me appreciation as well as patience.
4. We recap weekly together. We set time aside to talk about my attitude, behaviors and some of the things that I have asked for his oversight on once a week. I do a lot of self reporting and he provides his observations and feedback. We also talk about his response time to any corrections that I needed. Occasionally it results in a reminder spanking but we do not have regular maintenance spanking sessions set up.
One of the most challenging things for me has been using my voice. Most often, when I am corrected or disciplined, it is because I didn’t use my voice and then those negative emotions (often unfounded or misdirected) ooze out in poor attitude (usually body language) which is destructive to our relationship. The fact that my husband is starting to recognize even the smallest change has helped him snap me out of it quickly which results in more happy and joyful time together.
One of my default settings that I am really trying to overcome is that when I feel threatened or especially when I feel like I need attention and am not getting it, I tend to stop talking all together and will find a reason to not engage at all with my husband unless he specifically asks for something. It’s a terribly juvenile reaction and it happens without me really even realizing it. I know that if I were to let my husband know how I was feeling, he would give me what I was seeking but I just clam up and will either start looking at my phone or cleaning something (often that doesn’t really require the attention I am giving it).
It’s odd that we can act or react in ways that we do not rationally want to and its even more odd that we do it without thinking about it but I know that we can be reprogrammed, so to speak. I love my husband dearly. I love the person that he has helped me become and I am proud to continue to work on my challenges with him.
As always, I hope that you and your family are well. Many blessings to you.
Thank you.
You can find most of these articles organized by general topic on my About Page.
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