A Submissive Wife’s Testimony and Advice

This testimony comes from a letter sent to me by a reader, who has agreed with her husband to let me post it. I believe her testimony is valuable to other couples, in how it shows that she is learning submission, and becoming more feminine, with the help of her husband’s leadership and discipline. Her life and journey into submission may have its unique facets, but the lessons are valuable to all.

My husband and I are still on our successful journey learning submission together. As I continue on this journey, I continue to learn more and more about myself and have learned more of what I need from my husband. I don’t think I am in an uncommon position and I thought that I would share some more of my discoveries that you have not really addressed on your website that may be helpful to others.

I agree that woman are genetically wired to be much more emotional than men. I also agree that our stronger emotions help us to be better at caring for others including children and our husband. These are great and necessary qualities. 

When I began working, I found that it was difficult for me to be rational and non-emotional in the work place and I had to work very hard to make decisions based on facts. With practice and a strong desire to provide for my family while my husband was unable to work, I became quite successful in my career and advanced rapidly. What I didn’t realize was that in doing so, I became entirely analytical and had pushed my emotions and feelings down so deep and locked them up so tight inside that I became cold and unable to express those natural feelings and characteristics that make women truly beautiful and successful in our natural state. It happened so slowly that I didn’t see it, especially because I was receiving recognition and success in the workplace but those feelings of accomplishment in the workplace mean very little compared to the feelings of a truly successful marriage. 

When I made the decision to try to improve my relationship with my husband, I did so in an analytical manner as well and struggled with the idea of submission and obedience even though both felt right and natural but transitioning back to those habits proved to be more difficult than I imagined because of what I had to do to become successful in the work place. I thank God everyday for giving me a patient husband and your guidance. 

It has been about a year and a half since my husband and I agreed to some rules, roles and discipline. I am finally starting to understand how to be professional in the workplace and still be a proper submissive, respectful and helpful wife at home. It’s hard. But understanding has helped a lot. I am still working on true obedience. I do want to be obedient in my heart but I still stumble sometimes and not even with things that are serious. My husband is learning how to identify and help me correct my stumbles (usually just a warning is all I need) which is very helpful for me. 

You have written on the dangers of feminism but I didn’t see anything that references how western ways can really cause women to bury there emotions which I am sure I don’t have to tell you means that eventually they explode in raging temper tantrums full of anger and aggression and for some, possible violence. I am lucky that violence was never the case with me. 

I know that you feel strongly that women belong in the home and not in the workplace but I know that there are many who feel they cannot or are unwilling to leave the workplace but may still want to have more loving and harmonious relationships so I thought this may be helpful insight. 

These are some things that have helped me through working and home life over the last year and a half:

1. The importance of clothing – I am and have always been modest in my dress but now I keep a very clear separation between the clothing I wear to work and the clothing I wear at home. I cannot stress this point enough. I dress appropriately professional for the workplace and 100% of the time, when I return home from work, I immediately change clothing after greeting my husband. Since we do not have children, he prefers that I dress femininely in lingerie or a dress depending on what plans we may have. I also only wear skirts or dresses when he and I go out unless he specifies otherwise. Removing my work clothes helps me strip my work attitude and helps me remember my place and responsibilities at home.

2. No matter what, I do not use the word “no” when communicating with my husband. This also helps me think about my submission and encourages and guides more helpful language and actions.

3. I asked for him to discipline me so when he does, either verbally or physically, I always thank him verbally. Sometimes it takes longer than it should, but I am getting better and I know that telling him thank you shows him that I accept his authority and encourages him to continue to correct me when I need to be corrected. It’s tough for me sometimes and I am embarrassed that I do not always immediately have the ability to correct course and thank him but he recognizes that I am working on it and he shows me appreciation as well as patience.

4. We recap weekly together. We set time aside to talk about my attitude, behaviors and some of the things that I have asked for his oversight on once a week. I do a lot of self reporting and he provides his observations and feedback. We also talk about his response time to any corrections that I needed. Occasionally it results in a reminder spanking but we do not have regular maintenance spanking sessions set up. 

One of the most challenging things for me has been using my voice. Most often, when I am corrected or disciplined, it is because I didn’t use my voice and then those negative emotions (often unfounded or misdirected) ooze out in poor attitude (usually body language) which is destructive to our relationship. The fact that my husband is starting to recognize even the smallest change has helped him snap me out of it quickly which results in more happy and joyful time together. 

One of my default settings that I am really trying to overcome is that when I feel threatened or especially when I feel like I need attention and am not getting it, I tend to stop talking all together and will find a reason to not engage at all with my husband unless he specifically asks for something. It’s a terribly juvenile reaction and it happens without me really even realizing it. I know that if I were to let my husband know how I was feeling, he would give me what I was seeking but I just clam up and will either start looking at my phone or cleaning something (often that doesn’t really require the attention I am giving it). 

It’s odd that we can act or react in ways that we do not rationally want to and its even more odd that we do it without thinking about it but I know that we can be reprogrammed, so to speak. I love my husband dearly. I love the person that he has helped me become and I am proud to continue to work on my challenges with him. 

As always, I hope that you and your family are well. Many blessings to you.

Thank you.

You can find most of these articles organized by general topic on my About Page.


12 responses to “A Submissive Wife’s Testimony and Advice”

  1. I’ve yelled and scolded my wife but I’m not sure if it has any effect. I think this might work but both of us are so foreign to it, having never done it. It has never even crossed her mind.

    1. Hello Jim, Thank you for your comment and for visiting my website. It is best not to yell if you can avoid it. It is better to correct in a firm, clear, and calm manner.

      I’m not sure what you mean when you say “I think this might work.” Is that spanking? It certainly does work for many women, although it does not come in isolation from other important aspects of marriage. It needs to come in the context of loving authority, and heartfelt submission. Very often spanking is what it takes to put arguments and fighting in the past, or get a wife past particular bad behaviors. It has a way of reaching her deeper than words or other punishments.

      I would give spanking serious consideration as a way to correct your wife in the future.

      1. yes sir, that was what I meant. I’ll have to give it some thought and some detailed planning.

    2. Please don't yell Avatar
      Please don’t yell

      I have found it very hard to respect my husband if/when he yells at me. In fact, nothing triggers me to rebellion as much as yelling. He has every right and my consent to spank me, but if he yells, I find even that hard to cooperate with.
      Someone once told me that when a man loses emotional composure that he is demonstrating female energy more than male energy, and I think to some degree this is true. A man losing himself in anger and a tantrum-like demeanor is saying he has no confidence in his own masculinity and authority. And it is hard for a woman to respect that sort of wildness.
      A man ideally is a rock, confident in his own authority and right to be heard. He should not have to raise his voice or get upset. He rules. He makes edicts and he meets out judgments. He is not intimidated by his wife’s arguments or her reluctance to comply; he simply stands his ground and lets her know that he knows that he is in charge. You make it clear you know she must follow you and nine times out of 10, she will. And for that 1 time out of 10 that she doesn’t get the point, if he remains calm and in control she will bend under discipline (I assume consent here.)

  2. Anonymous Avatar

    Thank you to the wife who wrote this letter and to her husband. It is very relatable.

    When I first met my husband, I talked a lot about my job. He one day told me to leave work at work. It was surprising, I wasn’t sure how to transition from a professional environment to a domestic. It is, as the writer identified, very hard to unwind. There have been financial sacrifices and it took considerable time to be naturally agreeable to taking his direction, yet am happier.

    1. Thank you for your comment, Anonymous. That’s great that you have made the sacrifices to follow your husband — sadly many women do not — and that you are enjoying the rewards. There is great fulfillment for a woman in the domestic role, and in serving her husband. It just takes some figuring out.

  3. Anais Rim Avatar

    I want to talk about the implied division between this woman’s career and professional goals versus her personal life and relationship with her husband. Because I have known several women in executive roles who were highly dominant in the workplace while being submissive in their personal lives. So from my experience these are not mutually exclusive qualities (or preferences).

    In reverse, I have also known women who were highly dominant in their personal lives as well. And they were disciplinarians. There are outliers in every population.

    Not every woman needs or wants discipline. But in every disciplinarian relationship I’ve been involved, it was the woman who brought it up first. Now, this does not mean every woman wants or needs discipline. Because I’m straight, which makes it a biased sample. Lol But it is kind of remarkable how often women do pruvately ask for discipline.

    1. Thank you for your comment. In my experience it is also women who introduce discipline more often than men. The online presence of domestic discipline bogs is also heavily female. If men knew how many women wanted to be led, they would not be so shy about taking charge.

      1. Anais Rim Avatar

        That’s honestly and genuinely true. A lot of women want discipline. But I think trust is a real stumbling block.

        Can she trust him to keep a cool head? To be moderate and proportionate to a transgression? And on the male side, if he just brings it up and she’s adamantly opposed, does she then consider her husband (or partner) an abuser? Just bringing up the subject for men can be legally risky.

        And I think my experiences with women seeking discipline, and other reports online in blogs and such, really show the difficulty of breaking through that barrier in just having the discussion. Never mind the actual act of discipline. It takes a submissive woman tremendous courage and strength to break through those social barriers to speak the truth of her needs (as she determines it) to her partner. Because like men fearing the social stigma of being called an abuser, so do women fear rejection by men who do not want that stigma.

        Functioning DD demands truth and honesty between partners. And this blockage is often an issue of trust and truth between parties. Break through it and this is the core IMO of why these relationships begin to flourish again.

        1. Those are good points. Trust is a big factor, and it would be dangerous to start practicing discipline if there is not much knowledge or trust involved. That’s one reason why it should be discussed first, and why the best place for it is within the bond of marriage.

          Certainly, on the man’s end, he does not want to be accused of a crime, and in this day, may be skeptical his wife would even obey him. I think many men also just lack awareness of the number of women who desire this, which is something I’m trying to turn around.

          I have this one article about trust that goes over a few of the concerns either man or wife might have: https://spankingyourwife.com/2022/08/12/trust/

  4. Thank you to the lovely wife who wrote this post! I always enjoy hearing from other women who have chosen to honor their husband as the head of their home and to accept his discipline as a necessary part of a successful marriage. It’s inspiring to me that you’re able to do this even while leading a very different life outside the home. It just makes me feel like this way of life has a chance of survival. It’s amazing that you were able to hear your heart telling you that needed to embrace your emotions in the midst of a culture telling you to do the opposite. Even when the world was lifting you up to be a leader, you knew that in your own home, your husband is the rightful leader, and your natural place is to kneel before him. There are other women in your situation, who have to work, and I hope they might also be able to open their hearts to the natural, feminine role in marriage God intended them to serve. I do pray that your circumstances will change, especially if you intend to have children. Surely, God will reward you for your submission and obedience by allowing you to come home to your man and step out of your work clothes for the very last time. What a joyous celebration that will be!

  5. Praise God, this was beautifully written! I find this wife’s strength and character to be wonderful and virtuous! Though I was called to a life of young wifehood and motherhood so I never had a career outside the home, I did enjoy reading it and feel like I identified with this wife.

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