Managing Your Wife: Respect for Others

Your wife’s speech towards you reflects her general respect and submission. It is right to make sure it is appropriate speech, and you must teach your wife to use her mouth wisely. That lesson, while most important in her relationship with her husband, extends to other relationships, and a man should be aware of his wife’s behavior outside the home, assuring her speech is clean and she shows appropriate respect for others. Bad mouth apart from the home reflects poor character, and it is also unfeminine and ugly. A woman should be recognizable as being gentle, respectful, kind, and feminine wherever she goes. Her man should assure this is so. 

While a husband cannot be with his wife in all of her duties, he will be there for some. He can witness her interactions with friends, with family, or with church members. He may also learn from others how she behaves in public, and learn if she uses inappropriate speech. Any badmouth from her apart from the home needs to be addressed, whether that amounts to yelling, disrespectful language, vulgarities, or blasphemies. Whether they happen at home or not, or whether they are towards her husband or not, a man needs to correct his wife for such behavior, and punish her when necessary. The rules do not change much outside the home. 

Since such behavior often occurs directed at others, it also fits the situation to assure the wife personally apologizes to the person whom she disrespected. If she behaved badly before a group, she should apologize publicly to that group. In some instances, since the wife is under her husband’s headship, the husband may also want to apologize as well for his wife’s behavior, since he should have reined her in more successfully. His apology also reveals who is in charge, and that his wife is not independent from him. His wife’s punishment of course should be private, but her apologies need to be to the people she offended, whether private or public. You may also choose to have her present a written apology, if you find it suitable.

Overall, a feminine woman should not be argumentative. She should be agreeable and kind, and seek to be helpful. There is a problem if disagreements are flying out of control, or is she is arguing at length with anyone. Arguing with men in particular is inappropriate, since it takes her away from her role in submission, and presents her with some danger, by inspiring a man to anger. She may present an alternate opinion to a man, but if it starts to turn into a fight, she needs to end it, and have the man speak to her husband. He will handle it from there. Women should not be verbally fighting with men any more than they should be fist-fighting with them. It’s just not the woman’s job. 

If a woman is caring for the home full time, as she should, there is less opportunity for her to greatly misuse her tongue. However, when a wife has a career, and she is outside all day with coworkers, and under all kinds of pressure, misuses of the tongue can multiply. She needs to be disciplined enough that she can manage her speech even when under pressure and frustrated by work. Her husband may not be there to witness it all, but if he hears about a problem with his wife’s behavior on the job, with bad mouth or disrespect, he needs to handle it the same way: She needs to apologize to the person at work, and then change her behavior. She needs to promise to the person whom she’s offended not to do it again. If serious, she should face a spanking. Outside the home she is still a secondary representative of her family, and also a reflection of her husband, so all she does is important. It should reflect good womanly character and love. That will reflect a husband’s loving leadership. 

A wife’s speech towards other family members also requires her man’s oversight. That includes managing any possible outbursts towards the children. Even if she is frustrated with them, she needs to speak with self-control and with good language. She must not vent her anger on them, as women often do, even though popular opinion thinks it is men who do this. There are legitimate times to raise your voice with children, such as when their bad behavior warrants it, but it should not be out of control, insulting, or vulgar. This becomes bad parenting. The man is right to step in, and correct her verbally or with a spanking if it warrants one. A husband also needs to be aware of his wife’s behavior towards her parents or towards his. She needs to be measured and respectful. Towards parents, more so than towards children, respect is paramount. Screaming, cussing, or insulting parents is not something to show toleration towards, and that is behavior that should warrant an immediate and memorable spanking. It needs to be regarded as out of bounds completely. 

The matter of supervising a woman’s tongue can’t be taken apart from the issue of gossip. While it can be hard to define gossip, and it should be defined clearly if it will be addressed, it’s a heavily female problem. Whether it is spreading private news far and wide, or whether it is simply malicious, backbiting comments, husbands need to draw the line where they see fit. There are some legitimate reasons to share news, especially if it is only shared between husband and wife, just as there are some legitimate reasons to criticize someone in a constructive manner. However, there is a female weakness towards misusing these things, so a man needs to be clear about what is not tolerated. If it crosses the line, she needs to learn a lesson. Speech is not for the purpose of putting someone down, nor of exposing their private problems. That person needs to be respected. A woman needs to learn that opening her mouth about another is measured, thoughtful, and respectful. Many aspects of their lives need to be kept private. That means silence is better than talking. 

I do not use it myself, but I know some husbands find it right to use mouth soaping to clean a woman’s mouth of more than just vulgarities. This is a punishment she will want to avoid. It is considered by some to be harder to take than a spanking. It may be used for disrespectful language, malicious comments, and for gossip, all of which are crimes of the mouth. Mouth soaping is a memorable way to help a lady remember to think about what comes out of it, to think about how she speaks, and to keep silent in some instances. It gives her an unforgettable reminder of the purity of the tongue. She does not have to say everything she thinks. Her silence is beautiful.  

Ultimately a wife should know, apart from any explanation of the rules, that she should take a clean and loving heart with her in all that she does. She takes the name of her family with her. She takes the name of Jesus with her. Her speech will represent those things, so simply being conscious of her purpose and of her purity will take care of almost any problem. The inner desire to do good, to love others, will guide her speech, to avoid most misuses. She will think of being beautiful and being gentle. Responding with patience to problems, rather than with anger and frustration, will keep her on the right side, and keep her out of trouble. All we say and do should impart grace. She will learn with time to build up good in her heart, and little which is poor will come out of her mouth. If she even thinks to say it, she will simply hold her tongue.