If You Want This For Your Marriage

For many men and women it is attractive to have spanking in their marriage, and they would like to know how to approach it with a future mate. It seems like a dream, but very counter cultural, especially as a form of discipline. They love the power exchange of a spanking. The excitement. The effective correction of bad attitudes and behavior. I’d like to briefly address that desire, at least in respects to men, in how they can plan on having a marriage that utilizes spanking. I address this in another essay on how to introduce spanking into the relationship, but I want to go into it here in planning for marriage and finding a mate if you are a man.

1–A man should of course begin a search for a wife by looking for partners who a godly and submissive. That means they both embrace submission as their role, and can show submission in practice. They may still need to grow in it, they may have a few points of resistance, but basically they know how to put themselves under their man’s authority. She should likewise be feminine, and soft in character. That doesn’t mean that she be entirely passive and silent, but that she knows how to yield to you, and follow your lead. She knows when to be silent. Here social interactions are clearly not in imitating a man, but in being a woman. She is already expressing the tender, and nurturing nature that God placed within her.

2–Don’t play around with what you expect in marriage or from a wife. Be open from early in your discussion that the man is the leader in marriage. Be open about the fact that you are looking for a wife who knows to follow her man and to respect his rule and decisions. Don’t be ambiguous. If you explain things in a weak way early on, you can lead to trouble in the future, and lead her to wrong expectations. She should know you believe in the man’s authority, and she should believe in that as well. Be explicit about this and receive explicit agreement from her.

3–Let her know that you lead her and your future home with love. You understand your purpose is for her good and protection. You care about her spiritual growth. You will lead her and the home in virtue and in service to the Lord. The home will be a place of peace, safety, and holiness under your reign. She should be able to rest on rock solid ground in this, and see by your actions and attitudes that is how you plan to live your life. If she sees a weak man, or an immature man-boy, she may not trust in you. She may find it more difficult to follow. You will provide her consistent spiritual leadership, protection, and provide for the home.

4– You should explain long before you get married that you will use discipline to correct her. Let her know this is for the good of the home and your marriage. You will not tolerate disobedience or disrespect. I find one of the best times to bring this up is when discussing headship and how it works. It is natural for a woman to ask what will happen if she does not follow you. That is your chance to explain there will be consequences if she does not. As her head you will punish her and she will regret that behavior. She will have to change it. Your future wife will need some more explanation, and assurances you are clear in what you’re doing, but give her these, and let her feel confident that you give loving correction, and will care about her good as you punish her. Many more women than you’d expect both accept and desire spankings, and recognize they sometimes need the help that discipline provides. They would be excited to meet a man who is not hesitant to punish them over his knee. 

5–You should see that she is able to be submissive before you get married. I mention this in my first point, but let me further explain that you should give it some time and watch for her sincere humble and meek attitude before you propose to her. See that she is able to easily follow you, and is able to be verbally corrected when you have to correct her. While you do not have binding authority yet until you are married, you can still practice leadership and submission by having her do things for you, and setting standards and rules for her in your relationship before marriage. See that she is respectful of them. You do not have the intimacy of marriage yet, but exercise your ability to correct her in other ways if she needs it. She should grow in the period before marriage and learn to easily follow your lead, and accept gentle correction. I had my wife learn to respect various rules of speech, dress, and punctuality before marrying her, and her obedience to them showed me she was sincerely submissive. It made getting married more certain, and without worry.

6–Teach her in the purpose for the marriage relationship when it comes to authority and submission. Explain to her the good that is produced this way, through living out what is found in our natural male-female differences and also taught in the Holy Bible. We are literally designed for the beautiful path that God teaches in His Word, and abundant blessings come from it. There is the benefit of harmony between man and wife, safety and security for the children, and in a broader sense, a benefit for all of society, which flows from stable, man-led household, which are godly and teach their children virtue. The instability caused by attacking this order has demonstrably caused great harm down through the generations, and the instability of the family harms children. She should understand the goodness in what you do, both in the order itself, and the fruit. She should know the peace-giving benefit of her submission. She is able to bless the entire home this way, and the coming generations.

7–Show her how valued she is, as a woman of God and as a diligent and submissive wife. She should receive your regular praise and admiration. You should express your happiness for the work she does as a wife and in the home. Praise her for her growth as a child of God and as a virtuous woman. What she gives you as your wife will be immensely valuable. Showing your love, desire, and praise for her is not some romantic ritual. It’s not mere flowery talk. Proverbs 31 says a godly wife has worth above precious treasures. When you think of the value she adds to your home and household, even reaching down through the generations, it rightly deserves praise. Imagine how the Lord Jesus will lift up His Bride and present her to the world as a holy partner to Him. Imagine how He glows with pleasure and happiness for all to know His special people He has chosen.

Share the same attitude about your wife. This will also help in leading and in disciplining her. She will know and trust that she is led by a loving guide in her husband. She will also see more clearly the difference between the warmth with which you always care for her, and the firm words and firm hand of a correction. It’s not easy to admit you are wrong, say you are sorry, and be spanked to tears. She will know how different it is to be chastised soundly by you and will want to return quickly to your loving partnership. To return to your love, and to return to pleasing you. Christ does not have a mere slave in His Church, nor do you in your wife. She is a cherished treasure, and your discipline of her fits within that loving protection you have.

One thing to remember is this: While most women do not feel very treasured the moments their husband is administering a paddling to them, discipline truly is  a part of being valued. He is grinding away the rough edges of that treasure. He is keeping his special woman from harm and from harming others. He is keeping her safe from the destruction that comes with rebellion. Even in short times of enduring a spanking, she is being valued deeply. 

These seven points in finding a submissive wife who accepts correction will help guide you. Like other articles in this discipline manual, don’t expect that this is comprehensive in the broadest sense. It is comprehensive enough that it brings in many of the major points, and offers you a broad view of what marriage is about. I truly want you to be helped by it. With many men today who do not want to even get married, who are downright cynical about marriage, you can know spanking can aid the harmony and peace of marriage. It is appropriate for the leadership structure as well, and the intimate nature of marriage itself. It requires care and some testing to bring spanking into your marriage, as it does to find a good wife to begin with. It will be easier than you think if you confidently plan for it and take the right steps. That is what I did and I am completely satisfied.