Starting Discipline in the Home

Once you have decided to correct your wife with spanking, your next step is to put this into practice in the home. Some of this may amount to establishing clear leadership and rules in the home, if you have not done that already. For others, it my simply amount to starting to enforce the rules you have already established and finally cracking down on disrespect. I believe the best time to begin discipline is when the married couple move in together, but many couples bring discipline and spanking in after they have been married for years. There is an adjustment period. There is learning to do, and mistakes you will surely make. Yet it is not hard to do, and much is discovered by common sense.

For husbands who have not established much leadership before, this is the time to do it. You should be setting some standards for the home, and for your wife specifically. These may include standards of speech or standards of dress. My wife has no problem with either of these. She has always had clean and respectful speech, and she respects the standards of modest clothing I set for the home. the only time I have spanked her for ignoring this standard were a few times regarding the children, and it was after she had ignored what I’d told her several times. Other wives will have problems with these, but you are there to help them with that. I also advise setting standards of punctuality, which is also common among discipline households. It may vary, and I am not extremely strict, but I do not allow being more than a few minutes late without a call of a very good reason.

You also want to make sure that you have work for your wife to do in the home, some of which she surely needs to do anyway. I regularly have my wife take care of responsibilities with the children, and also pick up things for the household. I have her assist me on a variety of projects, including personal ministry, finances, and calls I am unable to make when I am at work. A wife is a wonderful helper, so it’s not hard to imagine ways that she can help you in any projects, work in which she will be under your oversight. You will be giving her instructions and guidance of all kinds as your helper, and this will help mold her to your will.

Recognize too that you will need to command her at times. I don’t mean that in a harsh sense, but only in the sense that command gives an authoritative instruction and the receiver needs to do it. It is normal throughout the day. Commands require obedience, and this is an area for your wife to follow you, and show her submission in a clear and immediate way. Much conflict comes to homes simply because women don’t understand their husband’s position above them, and buck against his commands. They even revolt against his simple instructions and advise. Your wife will need to learn to receive commands softly, and with simple obedience. You help her by giving her commands to follow.

Naturally, what I list her for you, and other rules you may have, are simply what a husband should be doing regardless of whether he spanks his beloved wife. They reflect elements of his regular leadership, intelligent rules and standards, and command that he uses. They are not unique to domestic discipline. As a husband who is beginning to use discipline, the difference here is that you will enforce it sometimes through a spanking, and punish broken rules, disrespect, disobedience, or other transgressions.

It can be subjective as to what is serious enough to warrant a spanking. I believe it is best to keep spankings for the more serious errors and sins, such as direct disobedience, disrespectful language, dangerous behavior. I don’t spank for small errors or forgetfulness, but if it is a repeated or serious error, I will spank her for it. When my wife thinks she can put off what I have told her many times and not do it, she ends up thoroughly and firmly spanked, and then she does it immediately. Make sure to take note of serious infractions, and be consistent in disciplining your wife for them — she gets a clear verbal correction of her behavior and a sound spanking.

You can deal with smaller problems with gentle verbal correction, or a more formal verbal correction, depending on what you find best. As I cannot emphasize enough, spankings make verbal correction, even gentle ones, more effective. They allow any warnings you give her about her behavior to be more effective as well. She learns through getting her bottom strapped that your words have weight, and any warnings you give her are warnings of real, undesirable punishment she wants to avoid. You have the full array of correction to work with. You don’t need to rely only on one.

I have found it effective to have a regular examination of her behavior and responsibilities from time to time. This is a session in which she can express if she has taken care of all her work throughout the week, or if there is anything she has not done. She can also take note of how her attitude has been, and if there is anything she needs to correct in her behavior toward you. It is not a punishment session, but it does emphasize her submission and the importance of her work for you. When I use them, I similarly have her kneeling before me and undressed just as I do for her spankings. She will call me sir, just as during discipline. I will end with loving encouragement and any extra instructions for her.

Remember, you are not looking for a reason to spank your wife. You are not making a list of rules for the sake of having rules — you are taking the reigns of leadership that you regularly need to take anyway, and you are also enforcing them, for your wife’s good and the good of the home. The whole purpose is to make the home and marriage godly, and to lead your wife in her goodness and virtue. It’s not simply to have rules. Those rules should nourish and sustain the household because they are good. They express your spiritual leadership and protection.

Many wives, if they are new to submission, will find that the early period is tough, and the adjustments take time. I know my wife had to accept a number of spankings early on for lateness, among other things. On the few occasions that she rose up in voice and was openly disrespectful, she learned over my knee that that is completely out of bounds, and not tolerated. There are wives that will certainly have trouble with being submissive to begin with, and will have to be discipline, instructed, and trained better over time. It can be done and it works. Women who have learned bad language from their upbringing or culture also may find the early period of discipline very tough, with spankings frequent. You can deal with a bad mouth with sound spanking, or soaping the mouth, which many would say is even worse than a spanking. You may have to bring her out of laziness or other bad habits in that first year or so too. She needs consistent discipline, along with instruction and encouragement.

Some husbands may find that using spanking as training will help their wives adjust, both to accepting leadership, and being given corporal punishment. These are spankings given only to teach the wife her submission and keep her general attitude in check. They are not for a specific offense. Within domestic discipline, many couples use training spankings, while many are against them. I advise that if there is a need, try them. Regardless if there is an infraction, a spanking can help a woman submit, and learn her man’s strength in a clear and strong way. For a new wife, or one who is having trouble with behavior for a time, many couples would say that training spankings help. They keep her focused on her husband, and what she needs to do.

Be willing to go through these learning periods early on. Be willing to find it difficult. You are training a woman and refining her for her own good, and the rewards truly are incredible.  Woman cleansed of pride, rebellion, or filth is a joy to admire. You will look upon your work with her and be delighted. She has grown of her own right in the Lord, but you have been the one guiding her, feeding her soul, correcting her. You should want to gaze upon a mature, faithful, beautiful daughter of God.


15 responses to “Starting Discipline in the Home”

  1. […] key is in knowing that you are the head because you are the man. Embrace that, live it, and take charge of your wife and your home. In that context, spanking your wife will not seem strange at all. Nor will it seem […]

  2. […] a process, and will take work and discipline on your part, and biting down on your ego. If your man runs with the idea, be ready to be trained, and for some things in your life to change. You will have to spend a […]

  3. I incorporated physical correction about a year after marriage. I had not intended to physically correct my wife even though growing up she was no stranger to the strap and neither was her mother. But her bad behavior just kept getting more serious, which surprised me because she was raised by her parents to be a submissive and obedient wife. Also, surprising was how often I was forced to correct her once I had decided to take her in hand at the beginning of our marriage, given her upbringing. . She also went through a period of bad behavior when our daughters became teenagers. She seemed to relate to them more as a peer than a parent. My strap was well used during this time. I have become pretty strict with her over time. I have high standards for housework. She has a strict dress code. She is not permitted underwear but she must wear modest dresses except when at home where she is permitted loose fitting Culottes. This are allowed at some other events but mostly she must wear a modest dress or a modest skirt and blouse. She has a bath time every night at 8:30 and she is in bed by about nine. The early bedtime is because she has trouble in the morning waking up if she goes to bed too late. I can say now she is well trained in submission and obedience. I do a reminder spanking every Saturday night, after her bath and before I tuck her in bed. She is required to keep her pubic area completely shaved as a sign of her submission and obedience.

    1. Thank you for sharing. There are many different experiences in bringing discipline into marriage. Some women have never known the strap before, and need to start from ground zero. Your wife had known the strap, but still needed to learn, and to conform to your will. Submission is always growth, no matter where you start. Some facets are always unique to the individual husband and wife too. Very glad you take discipline seriously.

  4. […] you are preparing to use discipline in your marriage, or a just curious, you can easily imagine that you will be seeing some […]

  5. […] believe you will see the strongest positive effects shortly after you begin with discipline. This is a time that a wife may have some of those bad habits still with her, or who is struggling […]

  6. Hello Aron. Thank you for sharing your experience, I found it very interesting. At our home we do not follow domestic discipline rules yet, although we are loving and devoted marriage since 7 years. There were of course some troubles that we faced during that time but we respect and listen to each other and we try to work to make our marriage strong and satisfying for both and to raise our two little boys in a peaceful, loving family. However, after having read many of your posts I started wondering whether introducing discipline and spanking as a way of growing in faith and marriage, developing some wife’s virtues and strengthening man’s position would be good for us. I have never experienced corporal punishment for my whole life, except some playful spanks during our intimacy moments, which I really liked. I also enjoy experiencing my husband’s power either while making love or during everyday life. I observe that he is very fond on putting me in a submissive position and satisfied when he can make the rules so I am sure that he is able to be a strong leader in our marriage and that he would accept introducing discipline and spanking as a punishment for my bad behavior without much hesitance (he often jokes, when we argue a little or when I laught at him, that I should beware or he will be forced to punish me). However I have still many doubts, since I’ve been raised in an atmosphere of partnership and equality of sexes. I think it would be extremely hard to me to receive husband’s lecture, to adress him “Sir”, either stay on my knees in front of him. What is more, I wonder how it works about husband’s imperfections? Who is he corrected by? My beloved has still many bad habits like procrastination or lazyness. I wouldn’t like to be punished by him for something what remains his sin too. How does it work between you and your wife? Is she allowed to express her dissaprouval for your behavior or your decisions? I understand that real leadership of man requires obedience and respect from woman, but I think there are few men who really deserve it thanks to their virtues, character, self control, following the God’s words and acting for good of his family and not in an egoist or childish way. I’ll be glad if you answer my questions since I feel I need some guidance in my life and maybe a firm husband’s hand would be what is best for me but I am not sure wheather I am ready to leave behind my vision of couple, of male and female roles, my independance and my professional ambitions, everything what makes today’s women happy and anxious at once.

    1. Dear Victoria, Thank you for visiting my marriage manual and for sharing your experience and your questions. I hope this site can provide help and guidance for you and your husband.

      I am also enthused that you can see the good in male leadership and in discipline, and even consider that this includes leaving behind professional ambitions to care for the home. It all comes together in one truth, since the same natural gifts that make men the right ones to lead the home and make women fulfilled in submission, also include other differences. These are ones that make it appropriate for the man to be the provider and the woman that nurturer of children and the homemaker. They are BOTH a part of our masculinity and femininity, and are clear commands to us in the Bible, which is revelation from God.

      In this culture femininity is turned on its head, and women encouraged to imitate men, in their character and their behavior. Gentle women and homemakers are dismissed or ridiculed. Yet this is all upside down, and a woman, in her heart and her spirit, can sense the wholesomeness of following her womanly role and her femininity. She knows it is pure. Likewise, she can sense the conflict and danger in behaving as a male in environments of competition and aggression, often of moral filth and lewdness as well. You will have to battle between your instinctual, and godly desires, and the ideology of the world. Between the wholesomeness of motherhood and the home, and the attraction and prestige of egoistic dreams.

      In your consideration of discipline for your home, you are walking naturally into what does not need to be taught: that the man’s strength is attractive and beneficial. Also that your own softness is exciting to get to know. You can see that. This comes with being a woman. It is natural. There are countless souls who would try to teach you it’s wrong, but normal human behavior is not wrong. The desire to experience your man’s strength and his firm leadership is a part of what makes you female. It’s good.

      Realize, the same God who teaches the wife to submit to her husband as to Christ, is the same God who built women to feel those things you are feeling. He is the same God who designed a man know it is glorious to lead his wife, and shameful, pitiable to be told what to do by her. It is society’s vision which is wrong Victoria, not God and natural design. Decades of indoctrination in school cannot remove a woman’s attraction to her man’s strength, or deep yearning to submit to his strength. It’s a part of you. Thank you for being open about it, and bold enough to seriously consider moving forward.

      Likely your husband is sensing some of the same things naturally as you are. That’s why he “jokes” with you as he does. He knows he should lead, and he sees the attraction in it. He knows your attitude should be soft and submissive to him, and a spanking, or another punishment, can help to put you there. It excites him. This is a part of how we are built inside. I would bring up the subject with him, gently, and let him decide where to go with you.

      There is a process of letting go of some of what you thought in the past. You will have to let God squeeze some of it out of you. To let go of the ego. Of the idea you need to react to your husband or tell him he is wrong. Of the thought it is demeaning to serve him or obey him. Most westerners today have heard this from their youth and it’s become a habit and a form of thought.

      You will find though, in seeking submission, and in growing in submission, that much of it passes away. Being disciplined by your husband will HELP it pass away, as will his instruction to you. A good lecture and a hard spanking over his knee can do for you much more than any philosophy, and much more than any personal desire. It can help put you in a softer and more peaceful place, from which it is easier to obey. Gradually you will find you resist less. Your ego rises up less. Your husband will learn to guide you clearly, and correct you when needed. You will learn to gently follow him, and come under the wing of his protection. I realize you’re not all there yet, but tell him what you are interested in, and let him steer the course.

      Yes, a salary sounds very attractive, but it’s not the role of the woman to provide it. We need women in the home much more than we need more female CEOs. The home is a safer place for the woman, and a place where she can flourish in her womanhood, and provide the world with blessing. It is a valuable role, despite how modernists treat it. The wife in the home makes it a peaceful, welcoming place. She can produce clothing for her family, and homemade food. She helps neighbors, children, and the elderly. She bears the next generation of mankind, and of her family — what could be more important than that — and should be teaching and training the children, not handing them over to strangers. She is, as I like to say, a walking and talking social services. Except better.

      The peace and fruitfulness of a godly woman in the home CANNOT be replicated by any salary in the world. The goodness of her work — in serving her husband and in nurturing children — blesses society down through generations. Truly. Her role is irreplaceable, and while I realize you feel attraction to other goals, they should begin to seem pale next to the natural goodness, and godliness of the home. No one can do what the wife, mother, and homemaker does. Only SHE can. I know it’s a hard decision, but please begin meditating on this, and start to take steps to embrace this role. God made you for it.

      As for the husband’s own sins, it is not for you to correct. I know that’s hard to do considering how you’ve been raised, but you need to leave it up to him and trust him. The man has God to correct him, and if he is not seeking truth through the Bible and the Holy Spirit, a pastor or other mature Christian can counsel him on any problems, and correct him if he is in sin. 1 Peter 3 makes it very clear that even when a husband does not obey the Word, a wife cannot tell him what to do. She teaches him through her gentle submission to God and to him. She leads him to Christ that way.

      That said, it doesn’t mean a woman can never make her needs known. You can gently let your husband know what you desire or need in life. But you need to accept his decision, and accept it gratefully and humbly. You can encourage him in quiet ways to be a more godly man, but you are not in a position to correct him. My wife is very good at this. She can ask questions, or ask me to explain something, so I can look at a situation and see if I am doing best. However, she never tells me what to do. She doesn’t draw it out into an argument. There are verbal strategies you can learn to do this, but it must have a heart of humility, and not become manipulative. You seek to serve your husband, not control him.

      If you haven’t seen them already, several of my pieces about submission might offer some guidance: Submission of the Bride, and Practical Submission focus on the woman’s role from two different standpoints. I think they will be helpful. Make Her a Better Woman points out one of the main goals of a man’s leading and disciplining his wife.

      If you’d like to have a longer back and forth, you can write me at my e-mail at the bottom or on the contact page. I’d be willing to offer any guidance I can. Your husband can also write me if he wishes. I believe you will both be fulfilled with headship and discipline in your marriage.

      Man and wife are not made to be a buddy-buddy pairing, even if sometimes things can work peacefully that way. Man and wife are a King and Subject pairing, and picture for the world the Lord Jesus Christ and the Redeemed People who humbly follow Him. Mere partnership cannot convey that. Loving leadership and wholehearted submission do. They are also beautiful, peaceful, fruitful, and full of blessing.

      Continue to give it thought and prayer.

      Take care,


  7. […] do not firmly give her the show of strength she needs. They don’t soften her. A man who is new to discipline needs to overcome fear, and give his lady the hard spanking that she […]

  8. Hi arun your articles are very useful. thank you so much. I have some doubts. My wife is not obeying me. She is not combing her hair daily and she is not taking bath daily. She is not respecting me. I did not start to give punishments. Should i start punishing her or I have give some more time? already 3 years gone. I have another doubt can i spank her in front of my children?

    1. what kind of punishment should i give her. . please reply me as soon as posible.

      1. I have an article right here that describes a discipline session. I recommend a good lecture, corner time, and a hard spanking along with it.

    2. Hello, Thank you for visiting my website. The first thing to do is make sure you establish your marriage with an understanding that the husband is the authority, and she is to submit to you, and also to help you. If you have not done this already, sit down and have a good talk about how things need to be. Start from scratch if you have to.

      As far as serious infractions, they deserve a punishment, and I think spanking will help her see her wrong and correct it. It will also help her to be soft and follow you. If her daily upkeep is poor, and it bothers you, let her know she needs to take care of herself, and will be punished if she does not.

      Spanking is an intimate activity between husband and wife, and also involves nudity. It is very humbling for the wife. There is no reason to do it in front of children. It’s not worth even considering. Correcting your wife is between you and her.

      I hope that helps answer your questions.

    3. I just noticed this and this sounds a lot like what happened to me when I was pregnant with my first child. I was very sick and could keep nothing down, not even fluids. Since our insurance didn’t cover certain therapies, I kind of had to tough my way through it — but one interesting feature of that whole phenomenon was that I literally had no desire and even a repugnance to comb my hair or bathe. It took A LOT for me to be able to get up and do it, and then sometimes I’d automatically put on the clothes I had already worn instead of clean clothes. Even brushing my teeth, even without toothpaste, would be enough for my stomach to heave, so barely brushed my teeth as well; all it took some days was to just put the toothbrush into my mouth, and all bets were off. After our son was born, I had to have four cavities filled — both inability to brush my teeth and the acidic environment from constant vomiting.

      This after a lifetime of good grooming and dental hygiene. And after I gave birth, I was fine. But this sounds like someone who is pretty sick. I don’t suppose your wife is pregnant, but if she is and is really, really sick, just a thought. I found out some years later that while this is rare, it can occur in women who experience severe H. G. in pregnancy, probably due to severe electrolyte imbalances, and the rule is that all resources go to support the growing baby. This is the main reason for the prenatal vitamins, etc., to replenish Mom’s stores that are drawn off for the growth of the child (refer to the old saying “for every child Mother loses a tooth” due to calcium loss). If you’re not the Duchess of Cambridge, people don’t make much of a big deal about it, and you kind of have to sweat through it if the medications don’t work (I was on them all and none of them worked for me).

      Good news is that the first pregnancy is usually the worst, and the rest aren’t quite as bad — I had six of them. 🙂

      Anyway, just something that occurred to me which I thought I’d mention. Another thing is that she might be pretty depressed and down. When my husband and I were still together until recently, I felt like I was going through the motions on daily hygiene because he never noticed if I looked good. I’d comb my hair wondering “what’s the use” and really had to focus on the fact that I was doing this for myself, so I would look good and feel good and have more energy for the day. It’s depressing to comb your hair nice, fix your face up nice and find clothes that are just the right colors to bring life to your face and never be noticed, especially by the man you love.

  9. It is not complicated at all.
    Over my lap, young lady … and give her a proper spanking.

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