I believe in basic safety when practicing discipline. However I am not a big supporter of the use of the “safe word.” The safe word, which is ubiquitous in the bdsm world, and which can be found less commonly in marital spanking, is a word a wife can say if a spanking is getting too difficult for her. A safe word is something very different from “no” or “please stop,” since she may say these words, or cry them many times, and her husband will continue anyway. The safe word is an emergency word that lets him know, for real, that things are too heavy for her, and he will stop when he hears her say it. It might be a word like “pickles” or a similar short phrase, that has little to do with spanking.
The reason safe words are so common in bdsm comes down to several factors. Number one, this practice usually aims for a more extreme form of punishment than spanking, which may at times become injurious. It also tends to emphasize giving or receiving peaks of pain, and taking your pain limits to a new level. So obviously, when pain is intentionally maximized, and real injuries can occur, the safe word sounds attractive. Add to this that most in bdsm have the recipient of a whipping strapped down, and unable to move, and the safe word becomes the only way our from what may be or become a horrific situation. I fully understand its use in these circumstances.
I do not find a safe word necessary in marital spanking, although if you find it useful go ahead and try it. Marital spanking aims to give a thorough punishment, one that fits the crime, but usually does not aim to the extreme forms of whippings. Nor does it emphasize maximizing pain that you can possibly give or possibly receive. Few in marital discipline practice bondage, so if a wife felt completely beyond her limits, or got very scared, there would be no chains holding her down, though sometimes her husband would. For all of these factors, I see minimal use for the safe word in spanking your wife.
In many years of receiving discipline from me, my wife has only gotten up from her position two times because the heat got too hot. In both of these occasions she understood her error, and later returned to her punishment position to receive the strapping she deserved. Otherwise, she has been very well disciplined, and has taken a few very difficult punishments without more than a little squirming. Nearly any woman can do this, although it takes full acceptance of her man’s authority and of her punishment. If her heart is with her man, only the rarest occasion would cause her to leap out of position.
This is one of many reasons I believe simple wife spanking is superior to bdsm practices. The wife knows she needs to accept punishment. She knows there is no out. If there were a special word to say to stop the spanking, many wives would use it to interrupt or end her own discipline session. This would negatively affect both her discipline and her training in general. I’d categorize it as simple rebellion. As it is, nearly all wives understand that when their husband disciplines them, they will have to bear it, and the difficulty of bearing it is why it’s called a punishment. If it were easy, it would not be much of a punishment for her bad behavior. Her spanking is going to hurt. She will learn to receive it, even if she prays it is over, and even if it gets fiery hot back there. If my wife, who has received corporal punishments well over a hundred times, can bear it but for two times, then other wives can do the same.
Another thing to consider, is that since this is not a mechanistic practice, and because there are two thinking people involved, when a wife truly finds it hard to bear, she can ask him to please stop, or tell him it is too much for her. I don’t think most husbands will stop, but they may put a pause in it, and let her have a rest. Take her hand for a while. Sometimes it is more her fear than the pain itself. She just needs reassurance. A considerate husband will give his wife a breather during the harder moments. If my wife is starting to wail, I will touch her softly, and stroke her, and talk to her for a moment. I tell her I love her, and I care about the best for her, and am taking care of a problem. Then I will continue.
Entering discipline in general requires a great deal of trust. Yet that is trust you should have to begin with for your spouse. It is trust they will lead you rightly in marriage, and be careful with you in discipline. It is trust they know not to injure you. We have the same kind of trust when we trust our spouse to be sincere in their faith, and faithful to us in marriage. We turn something over to them that we don’t have control over. That is at the core of a wife being able to put herself under her man’s authority and accept his discipline in the first place, and it functions in other arenas as well. The idea of a safe word, in a sense, shows you don’t’ have all that much trust in your head. It is best for him to finish his discipline and be thorough with you, even when it hurts.
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