When She Wants to Get Punished

A phenomenon many men are familiar with is the wife that does something just so she can get into trouble and be spanked. Usually, it’s something minor, but enough to get her husband’s attention and some time over his knee. This is usually referred to in domestic discipline as bratting, but just think of it as breaking rules or generally being annoying, for little reason besides getting spanked. This is probably a set of different phenomena that look very similar, but many would call it all by the same name anyway. She likes to act like a brat because she likes to get spanked like one.


I don’t experience this behavior with my wife, but years before marriage, I did have one girlfriend who would fall into this sometimes cute category. She would find something little to do to bother me, intentionally, and then do it repeatedly once I’d told her to stop. Then I’d tell her she was in trouble, flip her immediately over my knee, take up her skirt, take down her panties, and spank her right there with my hand. She would settle down after that, but the next time she was at my place, she’d try the same thing, and end up  with another spanking until she settled down. It was cute. You could say it was unnecessary, but she was drawn to being spanked, and I was more than happy to oblige. The spankings I gave her were hard enough that she’d try to reach back — and I’d hold her arm at the wrist behind her back and keep spanking — but they were not severe at all. It was just enough to cool her down and get her soft and compliant. For the most part, I considered it harmless.

The reasons that a woman might act out like this are multiple. Obviously, the simple excitement of being spanked is one reason, as is feeling her man’s power and erotic energy immediately and deeply. A woman needs this. She wants that fulfilling feeling of being made soft and powerless. Other women may have less harmless motivations, and engage in less harmless bratting. It may actually come from hidden resentment toward her man, rather than the thrill of her man’s strength. It could be rooted in true rebelliousness, and enter into more serious misbehavior, in which case I would say it’s much worse than simple bratting. The behavior can often look the same, but underneath it is not.

You can legitimately find different ways to deal with minor, but intentional misbehavior. One thing is to realize that she may basically want a play spanking, and that’s why she’s doing something small to get one. If she needs a play spanking, there’s nothing wrong with giving her one — less severe than a punishment, but firm enough to make her feel your command and to give her peace inside. Often that’s exactly what she’s looking for. If it is ongoing, bratting could be a call to give her regular training spankings, what many call maintenance. She may be aching for that clear leadership, and by getting herself in trouble she is trying to get it. You may try putting her on a regular schedule of training spankings focused on her submission and softness to you. It is for her to learn your complete command of her. With a regular, perhaps weekly training over your knee, she may be less agitated and needing to be spanked.

Don’t forget, since you don’t know for sure the motivation, and you don’t know for sure what will best deal with the behavior, it’s worth discussing the matter with your wife if it’s an ongoing problem. Ask her why she is intentionally getting in trouble. Ask her what she thinks she needs to not behave like that. It may be that she needs to feel your leadership more regularly, NOT just in spanking her. It may be that you need to practice more daily guidance of her — giving her clear instructions, guiding her growth spiritually, giving regular verbal corrections, keeping her sexually submissive to you — so that in all these things she more intimately and constantly knows her submission. She is fulfilled in giving herself to you. She knows your strength daily. Being fulfilled that way she may find she does not need to put on an act to get spanked, which all things considered, is kind of an immature thing to do.

If her behavior inches out of very minor mischief into serious disobedience, I would consider other approaches. Simply put, I don’t consider that to be bratting, but rather it reflects a lack of submission overall, and possible rebelliousness. If her behavior is serious, naturally it should not be met with a play spanking. She needs to know that dishonoring her man is not a game. Disobedience is not a game. I would tan her hide and let her know that behavior is not tolerated at all. She would not soon forget that lesson and would never want to repeat it. Openly, or publicly dishonoring a husband is not play, and strikes at the core of marriage, and the core of what marriage represents. To dishonor the head of the home is to dishonor Christ.

Repeatedly choosing to get in trouble — through serious disobedience — may also reflect an ineffectiveness of spanking in general. If you discern that it does, you can respond in several ways. The first may be to use non-spanking punishments alongside firm spankings, ones which she truly wants to stay away from. Many husbands already do this, combining writing lines, mouth soaping, or grounding alongside the humbling and painful experience of a spanking. They find this makes for a more effective punishment in the long run, and more personal growth in their wife.

If spanking does not work, nothing says you have to use it. Feel free to put a pause on it for a while. It may be that other methods work better for your wife. If your wife repeatedly misbehaves, and thinks that’s funny, give her a 10-page research paper to write and see how funny she thinks it is. It should be researched, be in essay format, have correct grammar and spelling, possess a works cited page, and correctly follow one of the style guides, such as MLA or APA format. There should be at least 5 works cited, quality sources, no wikipedia. Believe me, there are many wives that, having to go through that terrifying experience, will not repeat the behavior, and will beg for mercy. Therefore, if she is looking for a spanking, sometimes the best thing to tell her is — no.

I realize much of what I’ve said requires some discernment on the part of the husband, but that should come with the territory. It is up to you to see whether this is mostly harmless behavior on her part, whether it can be treated really as a game, or whether it is more serious, and requires more serious action. You need to decide the best course based on your judgment, your preferences, and what you see in your wife. What are the motivations, the intentions, the effects of her actions?

I don’t think a marriage is greatly harmed if getting herself in trouble amounts to something very minor, and a play spanking. The marriage IS in some danger, and the household in danger, if it is more serious than that. You should speak with her to understand why she is behaving that way. You may respond with better daily leadership, play spankings, training spankings, or if her behavior is worse, with more severe punishments, including non-spanking discipline. I don’t believe bratting is serious in most cases, but it can be. The end result of your choices, either way, should be a safe, peaceful, godly household, and a virtuous, gentle wife. Keep your eyes on that goal.


Comments

20 responses to “When She Wants to Get Punished”

  1. […] impossible task if she wants to avoid punishment. This is too much. Another reason is a wife who finds excitement in being spanked, and at least some of the time is intentionally testing the limits, or causing […]

  2. Bob has given me his permission to write something about this because when I read it I thought I should. I think a wife would never brat as it’s called if she got a spanking from my husband. But when I got married to Bob I thought he was too afraid to spank me, that he was not a strong man like my dad. I didn’t think he even cared what I did, I could do what I wanted any time. He would yell at me , my dad never yelled at me. I heard him tell my mom once I don’t have to raise my voice because I can make you raise yours. I think he meant when he gave Mom a beating with his strap you didn’t yell at my dad if you wanted to be able to sit down after. Dad never spanked my brothers when they got older because men are going to be leaders , but he didn’t spare his strap on me. I didn’t think that was fair but now I understand. Men are made by God stronger and able to understand things better. But my brothers never made fun of me when Dad spanked me, dad would not allow that. Sometimes I wish the Lord made me a man but Bob thinks it’s sinful to question what God does. Anyway the first time Bob gave me a beating with a strap dad gave him I found out he spanked way harder than my dad. I don’t think any wife would brat if they got spanked by my husband. But even though I never want to get spanked , ever ever , I didn’t like it that my husband wasn’t like my dad was with my mom. It made me feel like no one cared what I did. When I got my first spanking from Bob I was really scared, I wanted to show him that I would submit to him that night any way he wanted. He was so angry and he gave such a bad beating. My behind was black and blue and was soar for a while. He didn’t yell, he just used that strap like it was nothing to him. I know now that I got punished because I was disobeying God not just my husband. I messed up a lot in my duties as a wife and as a mom. But I know that God always forgives me because he sees that Bob punishes me and I really try to do better. Our kids are all wonderful Christians , our sons are hard working and leaders and our daughters always obey their husbands and know their place. They don’t think they are equal to men which is a sinful thought. My Mom was a very good wife. But she messed up too and dad was strict with her. But one time I told her that I thought dad was wrong to spank her because what she did was just a mistake. She got upset with me and told me I could never question my dad’s decision because God put him over us. I tried to argue with her so she told dad and I got a spanking and three hours corner time. No one ever talked about it but it was so embarrassing to get corner time. But Mom said I needed to be humbled because I questioned who God put over me. I never did that again with mom.

    1. Poor woman … When sick patterns are passed on from generation to generation, it is no wonder that beating is the right method for you. Equality, justice and human rights are what the world is fighting for. By letting your husband humiliate you, beating you, or sexually abusing you, you are giving permission to be treated like an animal. Beatings train animals. I am not surprised that men praise such methods because they have free domestic service. It is not an authority, but an overgrown ego and complexes.

      1. Katie, A woman who knows her need for discipline is not “poor.” Nor is she to be pitied. She is RICH, both in wisdom and humility. She understands she is human and needs correction sometimes. She recognizes her husband’s headship, and can take pleasure in his good rule of her. She is no more poor than a citizen who respects the right of the government to do justice, or a child who understands his parents can punish him, or an employee who understands he could get fired if he steals from the boss. It’s just a normal, reasonable thing to understand your position in life, and to respect that justice if a very good thing.

        Nor is a respect for wife spanking always passed from generation to generation. I find in this culture that is rare. Very often, a man or woman learns about it on their own. They have been brought up in a sick, perverse western culture, but their mind and conscience tells them there must be more. They can see the emptiness and confusion of it. They have to buck the teachings they’ve been given about egalitarianism, and about women doing the same things as men, and then live COUNTER to their culture. You will find this repeatedly throughout the domestic discipline world, myself included. Men and women get trained in the culture of the day, but their mind and conscience leads them to respect gender roles once they learn more.

        Being spanked is definitely humbling, but it is not humiliating. A husband respects his wife, and cares for her good. He knows her value and treasures her. However, he is correcting her for her wicked behavior and bad attitude. That is just. It’s fair. It is well earned. Just as parents, employers, and governments all rightly discipline those under them, husbands do so as well. It is their right because they are the authority. The UN does try to end torture, which I’d agree is inhumane. But if you cannot tell the difference between ISIS torturing a prisoner to death, and a spanking over the knee, you are very high on something. Spanking is a humane punishment, and much MORE humane than other punishments across the world, including prison for criminals, and job loss for poor employees, which the UN fully approves of. A spanking hurts for a few minutes, perhaps leaves you sore the next day, but afterward there is restoration, peace, and joy with the lord who lovingly punished you.

        But who defines what “justice” is? You claim to believe in justice, but do you really? The same society that condemns a consensual marriage in which a man gives his wife a spanking, also permits a woman to pay a man to rip her child into little pieces in the womb. That’s a bit more violent than a spanking, and is done to an unconsenting individual. It furthermore permits sodomy, and even encourages it,despite the documented harm it does, and the destruction of millions of lives it has caused. It irrationally demands that men and women do the same activities, and have the same stations in society, when men and women are actually very different, and should not be doing the same thing. It permits the violence of divorce to be done easily, leaving partners traumatized, and children without parents. All of this is unjust, and far more harmful than the sting of getting spanked. I would greatly question your idea of justice, and say you need to seek it anew. We do not learn the truth from this society. We learn it from God, and from reason. The society is corrupt, and cannot teach you what is just.

        A spanked wife is not an “animal,” as you try to proclaim. You insult countless men and women with loving marriages when you say so. She is an adult being disciplined for her bad behavior. Spankings are very good at teaching a lesson, and many couples could testify to improved behavior and attitude that come from consistent leadership and correction by a godly husband. Spankings have been used on intelligent adults as a form of punishment for thousands of years. Were they all animals? Of course not. Whipping and flogging have been used on adults as civil punishments, and in some nations still are. Some of those nations have a MUCH lower crime rate than our flogging-free U.S. by the way. Spanking has also been used successfully for millennia on children, and helps lead them out of wicked behavior and teaches them respect. They are not animals either.

        That’s because corporal punishment is a valid form of discipline for children and adults of all kinds. If you want to look at an evil punishment, consider prison, which causes job loss, inspires countless divorces, often results in repeated assaults and repeated violent rapes, as well as a flood of suicides. There is an inhumane, and barbaric punishment for you. Spanking is gentle and kind by comparison. The person facing prison, or even termination from a job, often feels hopeless, depressed, under attack, with a future of little but poverty. The spanked wife, by comparison, after she is done with her tears, feels humbler, feels loved, feels at peace, and will be cherished each day for the rest of her life. That’s more than a mere punishment. It is a humbling and a full restoration. If only ALL punishments could be that loving and fruitful. Imagine the world we would live in.

        The godly and priceless domestic work of a wife is not “free” in the way you insultingly imply. Rather, the godly wife receives the sacrifice and hard work of her husband every day. He provides for her. He honors her daily. He leads her spiritually and morally. He cares about her wants and her needs, and expresses his devoted love. He gives up other pleasures and comforts for her good. That is great payment for her important job.

        Not only that, but what you try to demean by calling “domestic service” is a treasure to the home and to all of society. A wife and mother’s work brings a peaceful home, full of life, children taught and raised up in love and virtue, fresh homemade food, often handmade goods for the family and community, help for other children or elderly in the neighborhood, along with helping her husband and making him happy. These are things that nourish and heal society. These are things that provide our future. It should be no surprise to us that those who attack the family and those who attack the role of men and women, basically have NO future. They are dying out and God is replacing them with immigrants, and others who will take over their dying society. The secular view of the family is a miserable failure because it provides no real home and not enough children. Unless of course you desire death, in which case it is a raging success!

        You have little more here in your comment above than insult. Yet that is in large part because you do not understand. If you actually seek the truth I believe you will come to understand it. A husband who justly punishes his wife is no more “ego-fueled” than a parent who punishes his child, or a government which has a justice system. He is simply the rightful authority correcting wrong in the home. That is a loving and good thing to do, and has nothing to do with ego. It protects the wife from her ills, and it protects the marriage and the home. A husband who did NOT discipline his wife would be negligent, and would be unjust as well. He turns her from wickedness, helps her see the wrong and regret the wrong, and points her toward the good. He provides her a strong deterrent in the future from bad behavior. These are all caring and just things to do. A husband can do them in humility and love, for the good of his special people.

  3. I behave like a brat a lot and after reading this post I realised why I actually do it. As I have written to Aron before, I was never punished as a child and I’m not in my relationship either. My partner just sometimes threatens he will spank my bottom, but he never does. Aron advised me to ask my partner to discipline me, but I don’t have the courage to do that. But a few days ago I pushed him and he got really angry and without any warning quite forcefully smacked my bottom. As I was just wearing my panties, I could feel the force of his hand. I guess my ‚bratting techniques’ started working and I’m heading in the right direction. 😉

    1. Thanks for writing, Joanna. It seems the idea is definitely in his head already, even if you haven’t discussed it with him. I’d call that a good sign. While I don’t encourage bratting, I’d be the first to acknowledge that sometimes it works. 🙂

  4. I know you don’t encourage bratting and I agree this is wrong. Deep inside I know I shouldn’t be doing it, but I just can’t stop. You can call me a weak woman, I guess. Reading your post helped me understand why I keep doing it. As a woman I need to feel my man’s power, I want to experience the feeling of being made soft and compliant. I don’t think I would ever brat again after the first punishment. I love the idea of my man’s authority, but I’m really afraid of pain. I think the first spanking might make me forget about bratting very quickly. And If I was put on a regular schedule of training spankings which you mentioned in your article, I guess I would settle down immediately and could turn into an angel. 😇 But I don’t feel any resentment towards my man and deep in my heart I don’t want to rebel, I just want to be taught to be submissive and obedient. So I hope that I fall into this less harmful bratting category, even though I know it’s still inappropriate and immature and I feel guilty.
    However, I definitely don’t wish I had been born a man. 😉

    1. Yes, bratting definitely can be dealt with. Sometimes the idea of a spanking is frivolous compared to the harder reality. I don’t doubt you sincerely want to be submissive to him. If he doesn’t get the hint, keep working on how you might introduce the idea to him, since you may just need to do it directly. I wish the best for you both.

  5. is it allowed to be in a girlfriend/boyfriend relationship prior to marriage?

    1. Hello Frank, Thank you for visiting my website. That is a common question, and a situation many people face. Because of the intimacy involved in spanking, with nudity common, and being erotically charged, it is inappropriate to spank before marriage. Spanking also requires great trust, and it is within marriage that a deep and truly stable trust exists.

      If you think spanking will be helpful in your marriage it is best to seriously look for a wife. The only meaningful use of a boyfriend or girlfriend to begin with would be to seek marriage with that person. That doesn’t take too long to decide on, and can be accomplished in under a year.

      We need more good marriage and families, so take marriage as an important and serious mission. Spanking just comes along for the ride.

      1. Curious Avatar

        I must say, this confuses me following your post where you mention spanking a girlfriend of yours and have mentioned having spanked “lots” before marrying your wife. Do you look back and regret this and denounce it?

        1. Hello Curious, Thanks for your question. I was just asked this recently, perhaps on another page. I lived for years as an unbeliever and did whatever I wanted. I no longer believe in living that way, and as a part of a covenant marriage, I practice lifelong monogamy. However, there is always something we learn from our past life, and certainly lessons which those experiences taught me come into play today, but can now contribute in a positive sense. Take care.

          1. It seems to me that if your wife wants to be spanked , you are doing it wrong

    2. Joe Doe Avatar

      As I said under a comment thread on a different post, with all due respect to Aron I think a boyfriend could start implementing CDD in practice for marriage. While he doesn’t have authority over the woman, they could still establish routines. This could even potentially include nudity, especially once engaged. Due the erotic element to that, perhaps the boyfriend decides that she keeps panties on until marriage, or keeps the nudity to a minimum and only during the spanking. But it’s ultimately his decision, with agreement from his girlfriend (as he’s not her authority yet). He should remained controlled and not have sex with her. Introducing CDD could help them with exercising that discipline or could end up being to tempting. So they have to consider whether or not it’s profitable as they’ll likely marry soon anyway.

  6. Frank I agree with Aron. A boyfriend has no authority to spank his girlfriend though I do think that spanking a future wife to correct bad behavior should be discussed before marriage by the couple. In my opinion, only a husband , father, and in some very special cases , a minister , should have the authority to spank misbehaving women. Also I think that in a more perfect world the court should turn over to the husband any wife found to have committed minor legal infractions or minor criminal acts for punishment. The court could determine the minimum punishment needed and the husband would sign an affidavit for the court that the minimum punishment was administered.

    1. That’s a good point about the government, Bob. In a rational world, the law would respect the husband’s use of chastisement, and could even let him handle punishing a wife’s minor legal offenses. Not only does this make sense in light of his headship of the family, but it seems a less destructive form of punishment than the law could dish out, with either crippling fines, or prison time, that could take her away from her children and place her in danger. Discipline in the home is much safer, and is guided by one close who loves her.

  7. […] would become wrong, at least in punishment spankings, is if the spanking itself were enjoyable and a delight to her. Perhaps that’s alright if we speak of spanking erotically, but a punishment needs to hurt, a […]

  8. Margret Avatar

    I’m with Bob! if Any woman got spanked by my husband she would not want to get spanked ever. I have a serious attitude problem and when it shows I get my butt blistered. But my will is strong and I’m weak and I still show that attitude knowing what I’m going to get. it’s a major struggle for me it’s not bratting. I don’t ever purposefully do something
    Just to get spanked.

  9. Trying to help a friend Avatar
    Trying to help a friend

    Aron,
    I wanted to ask your thoughts about a friend of mine. Her husband started discipline in their marriage at the beginning, and he spanks her to tears, hard and often. It doesn’t bring her to a submissive place though; she doesn’t understand when I talk to her about the submissive feelings that I have after my husband disciplines me, she just doesn’t seem to ever experience that.

    Instead she struggles with why she never seems to be able to want to obey. And she gets in trouble constantly for just doing her own thing. Her husband just gives more and more punishments, even more and more maintenance, because he is also wondering what’s going wrong.

    I want to inspire her but I’m at a loss.

    1. Hello, If a wife does not seriously want to submit to her husband, the effects of discipline will be fairly short lived. It may help somewhat in individual instances, but there will be regular backsliding. If she is not learning to submit well, it is always possible that the discipline itself is too rigid, or that she needs more time and differing strategies to learn from discipline.

      When people absorb wrong attitudes, and wrong habits, they definitely do not disappear overnight. It can take months or years to get them cleansed from the system. Many young women are ruined for marriage by the system and by their peers, and it takes hard work over time to make her a better wife. However, there ought to be improvement which is visible, despite this. You should still see her making steps, and becoming generally softer. Such marriages can turn around completely, but you need to give it time. In the long run if spanking proves to be ineffective, it’s fine to put a pause on it.

      If this wife’s essential problem is wrong heart attitude, she needs to focus on learning a new one. This is something that comes down to much more than discipline. That is why a husband needs to be able to lead spiritually, have a loving connection with his wife, teach in a gentle way with wisdom, and be able to offer verbal correction for various matters, and not merely a spanking.

      With inner knowledge, a woman will know the good in being submissive to her husband, and will want it. She will eventually find satisfaction in it. But living for self, and ego need to go. It is something the entirety of marriage is meant to help a wife with, not just spanking. A husband needs to leading her to grow in holiness and wisdom, and as she does, it will not be much of a problem embracing her gentle nature, and her femininity. He should be separating her from evil influences, which tend to lead her to rebel or think she is independent. If the basic inner attitude changes, she will not find it hard to give up independence and practice submission. A woman finds great satisfaction in serving her man, even if there is resistance to overcome.

      I hope that offers you some help, and that their situation improves in the long run.

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