Facing Your First Spanking

I’ve written about giving your wife her first spanking, and I’d like to share a few insights into the wife receiving her first spanking. It can be an intimidating moment for some, and make them wonder if there is any way out of it. Fear and pain are the first things on their mind. That’s understandable. In contrast, some women are naturally turned on by spanking, and could even be excited to receive their first one. That excitement they feel about intimately experiencing the strength of their man, however, can disappear quickly when faced with a paddle. Then fantasies fade away while having your backside lit on fire until your man decides to end it. There are many thoughts going through a woman’s mind at this moment. Sometimes conflicting ones. She’s about to face what she knew she had to from the start.

I want to take a look at the kind of attitude, and the most helpful thoughts to have when you are faced with what can be an overwhelming experience, and at times a healthy amount of fear. Where you put yourself during your time of contemplation. It is assumed a spanking will be painful.  It is assumed you will also be out of control of the situation. I’d suggest you should not be thinking about the pain, if you can avoid it. There are better places to put your mind. Not only won’t dwelling on the pain help you, but that nervousness or fear can be a distraction in the mind from much of what is to come. You want your mind on it, and not distracted from it.

Most importantly, I want you to know, is that a wife should put herself in a position to learn. You are about to be taught a lesson and corrected, so your mind is set to receiving a lesson. It’s in receptive mode. You likely already know what that lesson is, or at least some of it, before he begins. Yet you need to receive it directly from him during the lecture and spanking. You listen and you learn. The attitude you have needs to be soft. When you go to be corrected, whether on your knees, or over his lap, you need to let your man shape you as he chooses. You are the clay. He is going to fix that part that went wrong, and put it back into place. He is going to grind down some of those hard spots on you. Be ready to learn.

It is natural facing your first spanking to start immediately to take responsibility for your wrong. Perhaps you already have, but you should seek to own up fully to your wrong and not look for ways out. Most husbands give their wives time to contemplate their situation before they are spanked. That could be by notifying her earlier in the day she has it coming, or by having her stand in the corner. Prepare yourself not by thinking about the spanking itself, but by accepting your wrong, and giving up any need to defend it. Take full responsibility. You need to also see how those wrongs cause harm and how they offend your man, whom you need to help and to honor. If you have done something that would harm him, or harm the household, know that he has an important responsibility to correct you, and to defend against that happening again. It is also an affront to him as your husband. It is not always possible to mull up the deepest understanding of wrong in a short time, or to experience the deepest regret, but you should at minimum understand your wrong, and its harm. At best, you should have real sorrow at your behavior. You should have sorrow at letting him down.

Be prepared, when facing your first spanking, to affirm your full submission to him, your sorrow for your wrong, and your absolutely better behavior to come. Each of these points, and more, is important in receiving a correction, and in growing from the experience. I always advise men to cover at least these points while spanking their wife, and I advise you to be able to communicate them sincerely to him. Make a full affirmation of your submission to him, that you are devoted to him daily, and belong fully to him. You are his woman. Communicate your sincere feelings of regret for your behavior and show understanding of how things need to go the next time a similar situation comes up. When my wife has gone over my knee for lateness, for example, she has always had to express her need to be on time, along with what she has to do if a problem comes up — to call immediately. She knows her wrong and she knows the solution. If there are tears, that is usually better. Tears are a part of a woman’s communication, sometimes naturally, and it can help in fully expressing your sorrow and your love to do better for him. Let him know how good you will be for him, and how deeply you mean it.

In facing your first spanking, remember the trust you have for your man. You chose to join together in marriage. You are led by him daily. You receive love, protection, guidance , and instruction from him. He knows you intimately in the closest way, inside and out. The same person you trust in daily is going to take you in hand and correct you. He is going to deal in a hard way with your soft spot. He’s not going to break any bones. He’s going to refine you and make that spot sore for a while. He has authority to spank you and he knows what you need to be punished for your wrong and given a stiff warning in the future. Trust in his judgment and self-control. Your body is in his hands.

When my wife has had trouble getting through the harder kind of spanking, I will remind her who I am and who she is to me. I tell her I am the same man that loves and protects her, that thinks about her needs, that nurtures her, and that takes her in my arms and makes love to her. It’s not a different person spanking her. I am the same man that loves and leads her, and I also correct her. I know what I ma doing, and I know she will get through it. I am correcting a problem and she needs to hear and learn her lesson.

Ideally, you husband should lead you through much, or all of what I have discussed. He may take you through that before, during, or after the spanking (I do some of all three). He may lead you through some other points as well. Be fully prepared to learn and to receive from him, as I said at the start. Things are going to be better in the future, and wonderful for you both, but you have to go through this brief time of hardship first. Let him shape you, and be glad he is taking the time and effort to do it. He cares about you, the marriage, and the household. Your man is correcting your past behavior, and it will be over and forgotten. There are times it is easy to submit in marriage. This isn’t one of them. Being able to submit, sincerely and deeply, to a spanking, builds you as a wife and a woman more than most anything else. You know your belonging to your man when you submit to something so beyond your control. You know his full possession of you.

The fear of pain can be a heavy experience, and nearly anyone feels it. Pain is meant to be feared. While I encourage women to think about the lesson, and not about the pain, it is hard not to feel that fear. That’s one thing that spanking accomplishes and why it helps many women behave — there is a strong dislike for going through that pain. It is a warning, a deterrent, a reminder into the future. But remember how much some kinds of pain build people up — the athlete goes through pain, often through the rigors of his sport itself, or through the hard training process. It sometimes leaves his body sore, and even bruised. There is pain in growing in life as well, in leaving behind past habits which were wrong, or seeing people depart. The sick patient, being healed by a doctor, sometimes goes through pain to get well; the pain of healing from a surgery, or the suffering of receiving cancer treatment. They are all part of a good purpose. God takes us through pain in teaching us lessons in obedience and in teaching us virtue. He refines us, often through fire. Through all of this we grow, get well, become more fully whom God desires us to be. So while you face your first spanking, and pain can feel like a dangerous predator lurking behind a dark door, the pain is the healing kind, and is deeply linked to the lesson you have to learn. It is being given by a man who loves you for the rest of your life and cares for your good.

I know that sounds like a lot to prepare yourself for. Perhaps just worrying about the pain sounds simpler. Those other levels of preparing for your first spanking have their own challenges. Taking full responsibility and truly being sorry can feel just as challenging than being spanked hard. Once the spanking begins, it can get difficult to focus on the points I’ve talked about — some women feel overwhelmed by it — so it’s best if your man talks you through them. It could be very intense on your end. His verbal leadership can help you get through the spanking and learn from it well.

A final thing to remember is that it all fits together in a correction. That pain which is coming soon, as you await your first spanking, can often help in stimulating everything else I’ve talked about — the humble attitude, the learning, the vocal affirmation of your regret. So can having to undress, and humbly bend over to be corrected. The waiting to be spanked works together with the rest to each play a role in learning from your man, which is what I’ve mostly spoken about. That spanking he will give you is a tool, his little assistant, in teaching that lesson. Just prepare yourself, be ready to learn, and submit yourself fully


27 responses to “Facing Your First Spanking”

  1. […] they will help the wife learn from, and be nourished by her husband’s correction. She should prepare herself in her soul to be shaped by her […]

  2. […] wives, if they are new to submission, will find that the early period is tough, and the adjustments take time. I know my wife had to […]

  3. […] forward to her first spanking, which I believe as for either lateness or rudeness. I told her she was going to be punished for […]

  4. Thank you for sharing this, aronhusband. You have provided an excellent discussion of not only what a woman should be thinking about prior to her correction, but why. I am coming to greatly value your thoughts, and have been emailing your posts to my husband (who is also appreciative). He particularly liked your piece about the belt.

    1. Thanks so much, Nora. I look forward to reaching men through my essays, whether to aid those who are new, or to just add insight for those already experienced, such as your husband. I don’t have a great deal of time to spend on each one, but I meditate on the subject over time, and do my best to include various details, angles, and points on a subject. Very happy you both gain something from the writing. Take care.

      P.S. I wanted to add I really enjoyed writing on the belt too. It’s something I have much experience with, and talking about the subject comes naturally.

  5. Donnamarie Avatar

    Thank you for your insightful, thought provoking articles. I am following them closely. If you ever think that your blog is not making a difference and an impact, I want to assure you that it is, and that it is important to me. It is the closest thing I have found on the internet as to what I would want in my upcoming marriage. Your obvious love and care for your wife, even in disciplining her comes through strongly and is important to me. Random internet connections just can’t compete with that and are not the same. I tried that once a long time ago and it ended up feeling terrible and ashamed of myself, feeling like a whore. I never did it again. Its not the same without the love, care and commitment. Not for me. Your blog is very important to me, because it puts into words exactly what i have been looking for, so thank you. It exists. I have written to you before, asking you about how to tell my future husband that this is the kind of marriage that I would be happy in. I still have not worked up the courage to tell him, still afraid, but i am working on getting up the courage. I read your blog regularly to keep my hope up, and I pray everyday (although I am not quite sure that God answers prayers like that) for insight, wisdom and clarity in letting him know my needs. Thank you for your blog. It is important to me.

    1. That’s great, Donnamarie. I am very moved by your letter, and touched that my writing has such an effect on you. That is the main reason that I am willing to spend more than a small amount of my time on writing about marital discipline — I sincerely believe it can help marriages, people like you and your future husband, and many more. Discipline is natural, fulfills good parts of the human soul, and blesses a home with peace.

      I’m glad you can see clearly the difference between spanking in its natural place in marriage, and attempts to build mere spanking relationships. The human soul will always get burned, and experience emptiness, trying to do things outside of God’s way. I’ve done so myself in the past, and know how poor an imitation it is. Fornication attempts to extract the sex from marriage for personal pleasure, and spanking relationships try to extract the power and submission for pleasure, and often sex as well. Neither is going to take you anywhere. It’s like the frame of a car and its wheel won’t take you anywhere without the engine, transmission, and everything else. It’s got to be the whole vehicle to reap the rewards.

      Yes, I remember your past comments and your interest in introducing marital discipline to your future husband. It is not an uncommon situation for a woman to be in. Don’t force anything, but if you think he is the one, don’t be afraid. Choose your words wisely with love. You can easily share him material as well. May the Lord provide you a godly man for your future, who will love and lead you for life.

  6. nicolelinn45 Avatar

    I agree with the previous ladies posting, aronhusband . Your blog is appreciated, very insightful. It is very refreshing to read a husband’s point of view, usually it is just the wife that will talk about CDD/DD.

    Thank you and please keep writing.

    This article is a good reminder for me for every spanking I have earned. Even though we have been married for 4 years and started out our marriage with CDD, I still get afraid when a spanking is coming. I do get excited with my husband’s dominance and taking charge and his manliness! It is always challenging to focus on the lesson along with the pain, it helps me a lot that my husband lectures me and questions me throughout my punishment. It also helps me focus on the lesson when he spanks me to complete submission to his correction, no longer stiffening my body and fighting at times. Laying limp and exhausted over his lap and absorbing his correction.


    1. Nic, That’s a very good point. These are all things that a wife should be focusing on regularly, not just the first time. And of course fear is not something that a wife only experiences the first time either. I emphasize these things for the wife who is new to being corrected since she needs the most guidance in preparing herself inside for what is coming. My wife will also come to a point, during the longer spankings, of laying limp toward the end, which I have always seen as a deepened sense of full acceptance. I appreciate all your observations, and I think they are helpful to other readers.

      Thank you also for your support of this manual and my writing. I gain a lot from readers such as you who comment and ask questions. If you are nourished by the presentation of leadership and discipline in these essays, know that my understanding comes straight from my faith in God, and what God teaches marriage should be: The mutual love and service, the leadership and protection of the husband, the meekness and submission of the wife, and the unique roles God gives us in the home.

      Marriage in its fullness represents the deliverance of mankind from sin and death by Jesus Christ. A man and woman doing their job in marriage are picturing something divine, and bless all humanity with it.

      I hope the writing continues to be a blessing to you.

  7. Aron, you’ve clearly struck a chord with the ladies in this post! I wholeheartedly agree with their praise. It’s obvious that you’re a strong, yet tender, leader in your marriage. Your insights into the feminine mind are reflective of the deep love and appreciation you must have for your (very blessed) wife. Yet I feel like your post was written just for me, for just what I needed to hear right now. I’m also looking forward with rapt anticipation to receiving my first spanking at the hands of a future husband. I long to be molded as you describe into a softer, more submissive wife at his hands. I know I may find the pain difficult to bear. I’m thankful to have found you and encouraged that your writing also resonates with those women currently in domestic discipline relationships who know what’s its really like. Your writing continues to be inspirational and shapes my wishes for my marriage before it’s begun. I’ll be revisiting your posts for years to come, perhaps with my own head of household by my side.

    1. I am very blessed by your comment, Sophia. You show a very rich and profound desire to fulfill your submission. Your husband should cherish you immeasurably. I try to have some empathy with what a woman is going through, in being led and disciplined, and what the difficulties are. That’s not only to be sympathetic, but also to understand the material I am working with, in my woman’s soul. I hope your future husband is able to gain as much as you do from the writing. It is one of the hopes of any writer to be touching lives for years to come. Peace to you.

  8. […] or write lines, and see less benefit from them. Spanking rightly induces nervousness in the wife who faces it coming soon. Yet as soon as it is over, the wrong is forgotten and not talked about […]

  9. […] A) I kind of like the idea, but I’m a little afraid to try […]

  10. Another great article. Thank you. However, I am a little disappointed in myself with my inability to take a discipline spanking as I should. It is hard for me to stay in position and I often bounce up and off the bed. I also have a nervous laughter problem which is harmful, as my Husband thinks I’m laughing at him. I am absolutely not and I have tried to reassure him it’s me not him I am laughing at. I just wonder if it’s how I react to being nervous and frightened. Have you had any experience with something like this? I wonder if any ladies would have any advice for how to stay in position when being disciplined. The instruments he uses are a loopy johnny and a “tenderizer” he purchased from a leather goods maker in Europe. They are well made and he doesn’t even use full force. I just don’t know why I can’t take it better. I’m more than a little disappointed in myself for not tolerating the pain better.

    1. Thank you very much. I’m glad you appreciated the article. I actually used to laugh out of nervousness when I was younger, but I no longer do. I guess I just grew out of it. I would think your husband would be understanding as he’s able to see it is a normal reaction on your part, and not an attempt to laugh at him. Perhaps over time you can train yourself out of the reaction to laugh, and into a different one.

      As far as a fear of pain, I deal with this a bit in the article “Facing your First Spanking.” Although it deals with a first spanking, the challenges are common to nearly all women.

      I know it is not easy to face pain, but I believe a certain trust in God, as well as a trust in your husband will help. You understand you are in his hands, and he will deal rightly with you. It may be a natural reaction to want to get away from a blow, but realize that turning away from your husband’s discipline is also a form of disrespect. It rejects your husband’s decision. It can also be dangerous, because if you move your body, the stroke may land somewhere it was not meant to land.

      Give yourself up to his hands completely. Understand that a punishment is just, and is for your good. The benefit comes most with accepting it with your whole heart and learning from it. Keep your mind focused on those things, especially on the lesson you are to learn, and the good it will bring in the future. It’s for your good. Many husbands will give extra punishments if their wives try and block the blows, and I think that is a fair way to deal with it.

      You can learn to take spankings better with your husbands help. Be sure of that. I welcome words of assistance for her from women as well. I hope that helps you.

      The article I mention above is right here: https://spankingyourwife.wordpress.com/2020/08/15/facing-your-first-spanking/

  11. […] Her lateness. Her disrespect. The husband takes her over the knee the first time . . . she feels some fear, and feels almost as if it is unreal. She bends over as if in a dream. She gets spanked hard and […]

  12. […] way with her. A young wife, even one who greatly desires to be submissive, can naturally have fears, and many questions. The trust the elder wife has learned, she can pass on to this young woman in […]

  13. […] need spanking, or who privately yearn for it, still experience some fear of the pain itself, and do not look forward to experiencing it. A pro-spanking lady might even need some coaxing to get over your knee. She may […]

  14. […] any people they practice. For this reason considering discipline in marriage, or beginning it as a new wife, can be a lonely calling. There are countless doubts, questions, and fears that arise, even after […]

  15. My first spanking was 4 years ago, 3 days after we married.
    It was a completely new experience for me.
    Why spanking hurt so much? I cannot always endure such a pain.

    1. Hello Lora, Thank you for your comment. It’s good to know your husband manages you well and corrects you. A spanking does not feel good in the moment, but typically has rewards that last very long, and bring harmony to the marriage. My wife had not ever been spanked before either, but she has accepted it, and it has helped her over the years. It keeps her soft and easy to handle. It has taken some bad behavior quickly out of her life.

      Yes, the pain is not easy. Spankings need to hurt because the offense was wrong and harmful. The pain helps communicate that. The pain also helps deter a wife from stepping out of submission in the future. It reminds her well into the future of the seriousness of wrong behavior. That’s a few reasons that spankings are hard to bear. The pain is appropriate to the purpose of discipline, and cleansing the guilt of her wrong.

      Now not every husband is the same. There are those that go further than I would, in a way that I find inappropriate. Others are downright soft, and leave their wife not feeling thoroughly punished, or fully submitted to them. I believe a good spanking should be hard enough that it will leave the bottom somewhat sore the next day. It should be something a wife does not wish to receive. It’s not out of place that it leaves redness, or even some bruising or small welts. The severe end of pain, or serious injury, are things that don’t belong in a spanking, and can actually be harmful long term. A spanking is simply a temporary pain for the betterment of the wife.

      It is quite possible to bear a spanking, even those which are hard. It takes submission, along with the courage to receive the spanking and stay in position. Millions of women manage to do it. My wife has stayed still for a few longer sessions when her bottom was really in the fire. Just rely on your submission, and seek to learn the lesson of the discipline. Let the correction reach your soul, and be cleansed by it. I know it’s not easy, but I am confident any wife can bear it.

      Take care.

  16. I found your blog almost on accident. I started my searching “Do husbands spank their wives?” and fell down a long rabbit hole of information. I have been devouring your blog for a solid week. I started out appalled, but moved to curious and then convinced. I shared the information hesitantly with my husband, unsure of his response. He was open and willing to discuss the possibility of spanking in our marriage, but also hesitant (he is a very kind and loving man). I read two of your articles out loud to him and then we discussed them. Then I emailed him a couple more. He was willing to give this a try, and we had our first Session.

    It’s hard to explain my transformation, almost immediately. I cried throughout it (he didn’t love that) but the warmth, love, and security I felt afterward was unlike anything I’ve ever felt. I pleasured him orally right afterward. I’ve never done that! I’ve never wanted to! But it just felt right. He stopped himself from climaxing, and instead we went on the bed and he entered me from behind. I felt completely loved and consumed.

    That night, I went to a theatre performance with my kids and while my rear end was sore and a little burning, I felt SO MUCH LOVE and affection for him. A blanket of peace was wrapped around me. I couldn’t stop thinking about my loving husband.

    You see, I was never spanked as a child. Outwardly, I was a very good little girl. My parents could make me cry just by looking or speaking to me harshly, so they felt there was no need for spanking. The problem was that as I grew, I started cheating at school, stealing, and lying. Because I was never caught, I internalized that as long as I look good on the outside, I am loved. I actually longed for someone to catch me, punish me, and tell me “I still love you!”
    I have told my husband that this is what I need. I need him to set up boundaries and punish me if I go beyond them. I feel MORE loved now. Safe. Secure. It sounds so strange, but it just works.

    He is still slightly hesitant because he hates hurting me. But he SAW the afterglow and how I looked at him with such love for a solid 24 hours. He said, “I love the way you look at me.”

    We are now writing up a contract and some agreements so we are on the same page (at his request). We also have a safe word, although I don’t think I’ll ever use it. I trust him. (We have been married for 23 years.)

    We have found a few implements to use and we are also going on a trip for my birthday this weekend. I think it shall be a mini boot camp, just to get us on the same page and so that I will feel extra close to him.

    If you have never experienced this, I KNOW it sounds crazy. But I truly think this must be what God intends because Scripture says: “For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.” (Hebrews 12:11)

    Hebrews 12:6 says, “For the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and chastises every son whom he receives.”

    Proverbs 1:7 says, “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge; fools despise wisdom and instruction.”

    My husband and I grew up in Christian homes, went to the same church, and spanking was used very sparingly. I’ve NEVER even heard of it in a marriage as a serious tool. (I always thought it was only used by sinful and “bad” couples.” But all the articles I’ve read this week have changed my mind.
    My husband was a pastor for 14 years, too.

    I am a very strong woman. I own my own business (I work part-time from home), and I homeschool my kids. On the outside, I look like I am very obedient and respectful, but I cannot explain all of the sin and rebellion in my heart. I want to lead in our marriage, even though I’ve always said he is the head of the household. That has brought stress on me. I’m done and ready to fully turn everything over to him. I WANT him to correct my attitude and my actions. I want to be corrected and then fully loved.

    I think this new season is exactly what I need. I feel taken care of and protected.
    Thank you for this blog!

    1. Hello Lynn, Thank you for writing. I am so happy to be able to help you through the blog. I deeply believe discipline can help marriages and I love to hear about results like you describe. The peace that you talk about feeling, and the closeness is common when spanking is done right. I know over time your husband will grow in how he applies discipline, and become more comfortable with spanking hard, and with knowing you will cry.

      While many in this culture try and portray the opposite, discipline is beautifully in line with the Word of God. You bring up some powerful passages on God’s chastisement, and of course there are more. The Bible has much positive to say about hard discipline, and the idea that we should forgo discipline is totally foreign to it.

      I appreciate your humility in realizing that spanking can help you, and in being able to see your own flaws. You are right, some people keep much of their rottenness well hidden, while others are more outwardly sinful. It shows introspection and wisdom to see you own impure parts and seek a way to correct them. I think you will find some of that bad behavior will fall away, along with some of the wrong attitudes. The journey is just beginning for both of you.

      Feel free to comment more on your experiences, or to write me with any questions. Spanking is a truly protective act, and is wonderful for man and wife.

      Blessing to you both.

  17. Better Lady Avatar
    Better Lady


    Your post and experience is so similar to my own experience. I have also been with my husband for 23 years and we have just embraced discipline and like your husband, mine struggled with my tears. We are continuing to grow and I am the one that introduced this idea. One of the best parts of this website for me is being able to read comments from so many people that are like me. It takes away the uneasiness and the wonder of whether or not these desires are weird. In accepting a submissive role with my husband, I have found much peace, more love and a sense of calmness that I had not experienced before. I wish you joy and happiness. Many blessings to you for sharing and to Aronhusband for maintaining this incredible resource for all of us.

  18. […] beginning their journey into marital discipline, they experience with some excitement, as well as trepidation, that early period of learning. For a wife that frequently means more spankings than usual, as she […]

  19. “I will remind her who I am and who she is to me. I tell her I am the same man that loves and protects her, that thinks about her needs, that nurtures her, and that takes her in my arms and makes love to her. It’s not a different person spanking her. I am the same man that loves and leads her, and I also correct her.”

    Not every man can honestly say those things. I imagine it would make a lot of things easier to bear if all that were true.

    1. aronhusband Avatar

      It does help to be able to say those things, and it helps her to know them.

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