Discipline and Forgiveness

Discipline and forgiveness are treated like mortal enemies by some. Confused Christians view them as mutually exclusive even in the Bible, and often in their personal lives too. Yet nothing could be further from the truth. Perhaps the biggest question the Christian has with discipline is this — if I am taught to forgive by God, then should I also forgo discipline? This question expands to any arena of discipline, not just the home or spanking. It is asked about how to deal with an employee at work, how to deal with a criminal offender, or how to deal with bad behavior from children. The Christian asks — should I practice forgiveness, and just not punish the behavior?

In the broad sense, we may forgive a person their wrong — not holding it against them– but at the same time be obligated to use discipline to correct and restore them. Our responsibility to our children is to discipline them, and that discipline does not come with a lack of forgiveness, but alongside forgiveness. Their record will be made clean, but along with a punishment which helps correct them. Likewise, an employer has a responsibility for the good of his business to discipline employees who harm the business or the workplace. Yet there is no law that says if an employee is punished he may not be forgiven as well. Where does logic demand that?

We see forgiveness and punishment come together many times in the Bible. In the grandest way, we see that the believer in Christ is assured forgiveness, and will be forgiven if he confesses his sins, yet we also see in unambiguous language that God still punishes the believer. He chastises the Christian as a father chastises a child. We see that David, a great biblical saint, is forgiven by God for his adultery and murder, yet also receives divine justice side by side with being restored. Therefore, there’s no way to hold these two practices as mutually exclusive. The Bible certainly does not.

A justice system is not about personal forgiveness of debts. It is about delivering a due punishment. The punishment is due because of the nature of the offense, and the punishment is due also as a kind of payment to the ones offended. There are even ways in which punishment plays a role in restoring the person, such as those who pay restitution, or who are given community service. It is on top of that a deterrent into the future, and a warning to otherwise law-abiding citizens not to commit crime. It does all things things, but it does not rule out personal forgiveness. The victim of a crime may forgive the one who violated him, yet still recognize that the criminal needs to receive justice. It is for the good of all society.

Yet what about the kind of forgiveness that erases our infraction, and removes punishment entirely. That’s the kind the perpetrator is most hoping for. We see this in the cross, which atones for our past sins. We see this in God’s passing over many of our smaller sins without obvious consequence or serious warning. We do the same thing ourselves, often saving real punishment for the serious and harmful infractions, and overlooking passing mistakes. Aren’t there times to forgive in the sense of erasing any debt owed?

Clearly, yes there are. We all must do this. In the sense of small wrongs and errors, we tend to view them with an umbrella of charity, and not jump on every one of them. We might also see that our wife was really working hard on her virtue, but was going through a difficult time, and made one serious transgression. We may choose to wipe that debt clean without any punishment. We may do it for other reasons as well. There may be a discipline system in place to correct her, but the head of that system can override it if he wills.
For spanking husbands, the question might be if completely erasing an infraction is going to get in the way of being consistent with discipline. Will she then think she can do whatever she desires? Will she not take our words seriously anymore?

I don’t think so. Correction should be regular and consistent, true, but choosing to dismiss a wrong by being charitable in how you view it, is a special case. It is not the regular working of things. She should know this as well. It won’t turn her into a rebel overnight. If anything, that kind of erasing of debt ought to make her want to be godly on a deep and strong level. It should make her want to submit herself to you, through seeing your forgiveness of her, without strings attached. She will see your graciousness and goodness all the more and want to serve you.

I can remember a teacher in school who chose to forgive something bad I had done, which normally deserved punishment. Since it was Christmas time, he wanted to do it just to be kind. That experience did not give me the impression that I could get away with whatever I wanted. It made me gracious I avoided punishment, and like a heavy weight was lifted, and I still feared punishment for future wrongs. It SHOULD have given me thought as to the reason he did it, since it was Christmas, but being hardened and unbelieving I did not give Christ a second thought. Nor did I desire to do more wrong than I already had, just because I didn’t get punished. It never crossed my mind. Similarly I do not think occasionally wiping the record clean, just to be kind, will harm a husband’s leadership of his wife. It is not weakness, but charity and love. She can learn much from it.