One of the biggest encouragements in teaching discipline is hearing the stories of marriages that turned around because of spanking. I did not go through that myself, having led my marriage in discipline from the start, but I have had good back and forths with men or women who have had their home life go from black to white because of one thing: the husband starts to spank. Every situation is unique, but in all the stories I’ve heard, and the answers I’ve been given, there are still many similarities. Each of these marriages shares a number of steps in common in the discipline journey I’d like to detail them from a man’s perspective. I will comment a little on the woman’s after that.
Stage 1: The Intolerable. This is the already present state of the marriage, one of conflict, argument, anger, or sometimes coldness. The man has no clear and consistent leadership toward his wife. The wife is often disrespectful or dismissive of her husband. She may even openly bad-mouth him, or withhold sex. It is a pitiable situation for them both. The kind of marriage that you pray heavily over.
Stage 2: The Recognition. They recognize the problem, and wish they could so something to restore peace, quiet, closeness, and affection. They know it is wrong, but they don’t know what to do. They try to talk it out, but the problems continue, and sometimes talking it out just turns into an argument anyway. They may even regret they got married, or be considering a separation.
Stage 3: Discovery. The husband may learn about the benefits of spanking your wife online, or come to the idea himself. In a rare case a friend may have told him. He knows discipline is the only thing that might calm her down, and get her to respond to him. He knows it is powerful. He feels some fear over trying it, but he is motivated by the lack of success of everything else so he tries anyway.
Stage 4: The Talk: The man sits his wife down and lets her know things are going to be different from now on. He tells her what has been going on is inexcusable. He is going to start doing his job of leading, and she needs to start doing her job of submitting to him. There will be rules from now on that she needs to follow. If she will not submit, she will face the consequences — she will be punished with a spanking. Some wives open up to this idea nearly immediately. Others take time to recognize its value, and see that it is the best option. The wife agrees, and at least will give it a try. I strongly encourage men to give their wives this kind of a talk to reestablish some basics. Things need to be done differently from now on. This is how it needs to be.
Stage 5: The Spanking. Here, the wife receives her first punishment spanking, usually for the same bad behavior that has been causing problems to begin with. It may be her badmouth. Her lateness. Her disrespect. The husband takes her over the knee the first time . . . she feels some fear, and feels almost as if it is unreal. She bends over as if in a dream. She gets spanked hard and lectured for her bad behavior for the first time, cries throughout it, and is very apologetic. She admits for perhaps the first time that her behavior has been bad and finds herself more sincerely sorry for her deeds. She is ashamed at her state, undressed and crying before her husband. Then things begin to change.
Stage 6: The rough road. This new beginning has immediate results. The wife gets used to thinking about what her husband desires and doing it. She gets used to learning to avoid a spanking as well. Her language toward him changes, as well as some elements of her lifestyle that have been leading her astray. A new world of considering her husband’s authority opens up. Yet she also falters. She slides back here and there into the old behavior. She follows him only when pressed to. Her ego bites back and she sometimes gets angry at him for spanking her. At times the husband thinks she is not making progress, and is disappointed when she repeats her behavior and needs to be spanked again. He continues with perseverance, and even though it’s a rough road, real progress is made over time. She has to bare her bottom frequently. He is learning to take command of his home. She is learning to submit. New doors opened up in the mansion of their marriage.
Stage 7: The New Reality. You can see the new reality in the first few weeks of spanking, but to really see it usually takes much longer, even a year or more. The new wife, under her husband’s rules and discipline, is now quiet toward him, and soft. She opens her mouth with respect, and speaks politely and kindly to him. She knows what he wants clearly, and is proud to do it for him. She wants to satisfy him. Bad habits are for the most part left behind, even if there is an occasional reappearance. There is household peace. There is closeness and love. She no longer withholds her affection, but loves to give it, being fully submitted to him sexually. He enjoys his wife’s body when he desires. The resistance is gone. His command of his home is open, firm and clear. This is the new life after taking your wife in hand and spanking her.
Naturally, not everyone goes through each of these steps, but nearly anyone will find at least some of them present. It’s also important to not that men and women desire to bring spanking into their marriage even when the situation is not the worst it could be. They may see its value because of the clear leadership and correction it offers. They may use it to deal with a few specific problems, rather than a terrible marriage. Either way, they will see some of the beneficial results. They will see change. It will be work, and take getting over the hump. I use spanking in my own marriage not to because it’s a miserable one. I use it because bad behavior will always appear with a wife, and I find tanning my wife’s bottom quickly and effectively deals with it. I give it to her as her little helper. Spanking turns around individual problems, as well as entire marriages.
The woman’s perspective on these stages is naturally a little different. The wife will not be able to give a talk that institutes discipline. She does not have the authority to do so. However, she CAN give a talk in which she expresses her needs, and asks her husband to think about using discipline. She may explain why she thinks it will help her, and will help their situation. Then she needs to trust in God and trust in him for what kind of change will occur. A woman, not being the one in command, may also feel impatient, and frustrated if it takes the husband some time to make up his mind, or to become a clear and consistent leader. She’ll have to wait. She’ll have to realize he’s got a lot to learn on his own about providing discipline, and she cannot tell him how to do it. Just as a husband may be frustrated if a wife repeats the same behavior after discipline, she may become frustrated if her husband stops giving clear rules to her, or stops spanking with consistency. He has a learning period to go through, which will involve his full embrace of marital discipline, not just a partial one. He will need to learn how to best use rules, and when to spank. He will learn the self-discipline to be firm with his wife and to spank hard. Until then, she’s got to do her best to take care of her part, follow his rules and honor him. Even without great leadership, she must obey.
While I encourage everyone to talk it out, you’ll find some husbands simply skip the talk entirely. They tell their wife they’ve had enough, bend her over right there, and give her the spanking she needs. If that works for you, that’s fine. There are wives the respond immediately to that quick and bold correction. Action can get to the point much faster than words. However, it will take words to explain to your wife with full understanding what the marriage needs. After all, it is not merely about spanking, but about your leadership and her need to submit to you. It is about her seeing how she is not doing this, and how she is being disrespectful. She should recognize the problem, and see why the solution is called for. A husband’s clear direction requires he explain the course of action, and then take it.
I want everyone reading this to know that spanking has aided countless marriages. It is not perfect. I do not give you an exact formula for success above. I just want you to see how it often is successful, and simply that it IS successful. Leadership, submission, rules, and a sound spanking do wonders for a marriage. They do wonders for a husband’s leadership and a wife’s attitude. She should be under your rules. Take a strap to her bottom. If you are considering introducing marital discipline, I hope this overview helps you see the way clearly. I hope it helps you take the first steps. Your marriage is unique just as you are, but I still think you’ll find yourself going down a similar routed as I’ve sketched above. Let this be yours to lead your home, or to suggest to your husband as a way to lead. The cloudy skies and storms can dissipate with some order in the home. A peaceful wife often is produced over her husband’s knee.
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