Loving the Variety

The lovely playing field of Wife Spanking cannot easily be defined. I have my own personal borders for my discipline manual here, but in practice it can include even more practices than I describe, use, or show appreciation for. The wide array of methods in wife spanking is something to be aware of if you are curious and researching the subject. Anyone meeting other spankers in online discussion groups should also know that the borders are not so easily set. We may develop our own basic definition for marital discipline, but we still find it borders on other territories, such as bdsm, which share common characteristics and practices.

My purpose in writing about variety is for the new learners, and the curious. Don’t be afraid of what you see online, or expect your experience to be exactly the same. As you learn and develop spanking in your marriage, you will find you fall into some, but not all, of what others do. You will work out decisions based on what the husband finds best, and how he finds it works for his wife in her growth and positive responses. He may try some things earlier on, that he changes later. He will adapt to changing circumstances. Even in a single marriage, over time, there is variety in wife spanking, certainly among an entire community of backside barers there will be even more.

One of the strongest fears among women, who are on the receiving end of discipline, is that if their husband takes up spanking them, it will be a totalitarian affair, or that it will venture into extremes of pain. What exactly am I getting into is a natural question to ask. It is normal to have some fears. A wife should know that her husband is serious and self-controlled in learning to discipline her, and more or less what the regimen will be. She should understand that the point is correction, and training, and not to punish every possible flaw, or to maximize pain. She is accepting leadership and discipline from a disciplinarian, and not a madman.

It is not hard to find where the points of variety lay in researching spanking marriages. In many marriages, the spankings are mild, or mostly made up of hand spankings. In others, a spanking is always expected to hurt, and will always leave marks. Instruments such as the belt or the paddle are the norm. I’d say that represents the majority of households from the reading I’ve done and the persons I’ve known. Yet some husbands take matters to more extreme punishments, venturing into methods more common to bdsm, or torture chambers. I don’t approve of that arena, but those who live that way need to make sure it is out in the open in discussing the subject, and a wife should not be unaware of it when she marries.

The amount and enforcement of rules varies greatly. Some husbands really have a long list of rules, and enforce rigidly. It would be easily to be spanked at least weekly in a household like this, even if you behave generally well. When rules enter into the many details of life, it is impossible to avoid frequent spankings. Other husbands have a handful of rules, which correct only the worst kind of behavior, such as disobedience and disrespect. Some husbands give warnings, that will give a wife a chance to correct herself without a spanking. Still other husbands are a bit negligent with enforcement, and wives find they get away with a lot of terrible behavior, and are not always spanked when they deserve it. This can be very disadvantageous, and does not leave a wife feeling led by her man.

The use of “maintenance” spankings to train rather than to punish is also a point of strong disagreement. There are households that use training spankings for many years. Other husbands, including this author, may use them during a problem period, or a learning period, but do not use them in an ongoing way. Yet in many discipline marriages they are never used, and the very idea is opposed. You will not find agreement throughout the community on this, and you should not expect that your husband will use them, unless he has told you he will. Everything you read on line does not happen that way in every home.

You’ll also find that not every house uses those non-spanking punishments you read about. Many are common — such as writing lines or corner time — but they are not necessary from discipline. Nothing says a husband has to use them. Some, like mouth soaping, are far from universal, and while I’ve spanked my wife for many years, I’ve never needed to soap her mouth. Verbal corrections also vary depending on how fluent a husband is with words, and how successful he feels they are. Myself I use formal verbal corrections sometimes, with writing lines, but I don’t rely on them entirely. They are only for minor offenses, or when spanking is unavailable for some reason. The more painful non-spanking spanking of capsaicin cream is even less common, but it is far from rare. It simply becomes a convenient punishment to use, if a silent method is necessary, or at times if the husband will be away. The cream is quite painful, but many households have never heard of it and never use it.

The sexual element of a spanking is also one that cannot be predicted. While a spanking is sexually exciting to most males, not every husband will be intimate with his wife after a spanking. Some husbands will never do so, even though some wives greatly desire it. In many households, sex is practiced after spanking as a matter of habit, but not necessarily in a predictable way. Some couples will make love after a correction. Other require the wife serve her husband sexually afterward to show her appreciation. It’s a spanking, and then she shows she’s a good girl by giving him an excellent blowjob. Some women who expect to find spanking very sexual and exciting, find it entirely less so once they’ve actually experienced a hard one, and are far from desiring sex after their correction. The picture changes immediately.

I believe there are right and wrong things to do in spanking your wife. There are practices that you should exclude. There are things you should always do. Yet right and wrong does not apply to most of what we do. Much is a matter of the husband’s judgment call, or personal preference. Much is simply the man responding to what he sees works or doesn’t work. There is more than a little experimentation, and even though the man leads, the wife may also share her needs regarding correction, and what she feels would work best. There will be surprises. Don’t expect your regimen of correction to fit what you see in my articles, or on other sites. It probably will fall within the range of normal, but it will be different from some of what you see online. I can guarantee that.

Taking on discipline requires a lot of trust. A wife needs to trust her husband to set certain limits for her, to care for her good, and to spank her without going too far. A man has to trust his wife to sincerely seek to submit, and to accept it when she gets in trouble and needs to be corrected. She will not scream or call 911. Her heart is dedicated to being his wife, and she fully accepts his leadership and correction. If we can’t have trust, we will never go very far in discipline, or even in marriage. It is a must have. As the man learns, and the wife learns, you’ll discover that how he chooses to discipline her will become more refined. I believe also more successful. He will learn to instruct her, set good limits, lecture well, and spank her soundly, until tears and a smarting bottom. He doesn’t have to use every method he sees online, but can try those he wishes. Your regimen will not be predictable, and in the end, it is up to him.


28 responses to “Loving the Variety”

  1. Caleb Giese Avatar
    Caleb Giese

    I’ve always found the “spanking leads to abuse” argument to be lacking and baseless. Once you’re married, you’re essentially trapped in a house with your husband for 10-12 hours a day. A husband with an abusive mindset is going to take advantage of that situation to abuse you, whether or not be practices DD. And a husband without abusive mindset will not abuse you, with or without DD.

    Thats why its so important for ladies to choose their mates wisely.

    1. Thank you for the feedback, Caleb. I agree with the basic point that spanking does not lead to abuse. That’s a matter of a person’s disposition and choices.

      I’d add I believe the opposite is true. Spanking leads to a calm and rational means of fixing problems, and bringing harmony. A husband who knows he set the rules and that he can correct his wife is LESS likely to rely on anger or engage in a battle of wills, reactions that can lead to strife and even violence. He simply deals with the matter calmly, and uses discipline if necessary. There is more peace with it than without it.

      I wouldn’t say a wife is “trapped” in her house with her husband, though. Their home is a place they both love to be, and are not longing to be free of. She dedicates her time to the home because she is a committed wife, mother, and homemaker. She fills up the home with her work, wisdom, and love. She is not trapped with her man, but is joyful to be so close to him.

      Best to you.

  2. Another great Saturday read Aron, thank you.

    It’s wonderful to see that there so many different ways of living a life with discipline and that each of us choose a path to go through depending on our personalities.

    May I ask though, on the controversy of maintenance spankings, I’ve always regarded corporal punishment as a correction tool only. However I find myself thinking more and more of using them as reminders and as a way to build her submission on a deeper level. That is because I find myself going over the same things on some of her careless behaviors that pile up and by the end of a week or a month I feel like I should bend her over but don’t really have that bigger transgression to address to in which a spanking should be required.

    That said I’m aware that my wife hates spankings and would distraught by the idea. Still I keep thinking that it would be an option for a short period of time to hold her in the right place.

    Where do you stand on that type of maintenance?

    1. Hello Sergeant, Thank you. I’m glad you enjoyed the article, and good to hear from you again.

      As far as maintenance, I did an article I link to below called Spanking as Training. I do not believe in using it continually, but I think it can be effective for a wife who is still learning to be molded, and when there are temporary problem periods. I’ve used it before for several months when I believed I needed to. You can also do one-out training sessions, that some refer to as Boot Camps.

      From what I know of your situation, I believe using spanking simply as training would be helpful for your wife. It would help her learn to respond more softly, and give up resistance to you. It also helps a woman sustain a submissive character.

      However, that’s a judgment call for you to make, especially as you are aware in much more detail and depth of her character and growth. Use maintenance if you find it will be effective.

      On Maintenance: https://spankingyourwife.com/2020/04/24/spanking-as-training/

      Take care.

  3. nicolelinn45 Avatar

    Thank you again for writing.

    The first paragraphs spoke to me especially. I am on other blogs and forums for DD. Occasionally I will run into folks that usually are new to a forum or group ( not necessarily new to DD). They will ask for advice or how discipline is done in other homes. Once you have responded with their request for advice they immediately criticize the response. This has happened to me a few times and I see it happens to others as well. I never respond to it and don’t participate in those folks post after that point. Perhaps I should since I have some growth and experience but frankly I don’t have the patience or time for people like that.

    If there are folks reading this post, please consider Aarons words on the many differ dynamics of a household that practices DD. We are all different. We trust one another and generally have figured out what works in our households. They are happy homes.


    1. Caleb Giese Avatar
      Caleb Giese

      I don’t even go to DD groups no more cuz of how self righteous so many of them are.

    2. iamhissubmissive60 Avatar

      I very much appreciate Aron’s blog here, he has some very good advice. I try my best to live the way God would expect me to, although our marriage isn’t a perfect one, I do try to do what I am suposed to do even though sometimes I feel I need discipline…my husband just doesn’t want to do this. I have gently asked him to do this that I
      would benefit from being spanked because I get really stressed and I end up being snappy with my husband as we all do sometimes as wives in a marriage, but that is called disrespecting my husband. He has only spanked me once early on in our marriage. He felt horrible about it and has never done it again. He believes we are equals, the Bible clearly states a wife is to submit to God and her husband. I believe the husband should be the head of the home and that means using discipline as a tool if he feels it necessary to apply it. I don’t see myself as an argumentive wife very often but I do see myself as a patient wife for things that I don’t want to share with everyone. I believe discipline between husband & wife leads to calmness, respect, admiration and a beautiful union between husband and his wife.

      1. Thank you. That’s a very good explanation. You seem to have a good understanding of the marital relationship, as well as your own personal need for discipline. Sometimes it can be as simple as being taken aside and spanked for being mouthy, and that is good enough to get it out of a woman’s system. Then she is much more peaceful, inside and out. We certainly can use more husbands willing to lead their wives, and use discipline when necessary. Male headship is both the natural and the biblical order of marriage. Take care!

  4. Hey all. I know this is a long shot but I’m asking because I truly want to change but I’m having difficulty and I’m ending up more depressed as time goes on. If there are any women here who would be willing to offer some advice or counseling I would appreciate it.

    I am married to a wonderful man who loves me very much. He has always been a more authoritative type of guy, more than anyone I’ve ever met, and has never let me get away with much. But he yells at me and wont dicipline me because he says it would hurt him too much. I do not want to have him start beating me but I am a total failure at my life and need help. I have no source of friendship right now since I’ve tried talking to a couple friends but they ridiculed me for wanting to be more submissive. I know I need to let that pride go but it hurt, really bad, that they refused to acknowledge my desire to be more godly. I know I shouldn’t bring my concerns to my husband since, well, hes my husband and not my supporter. I dont know what to do. I’m trying to be more submissive and obedient, but it’s hard. I want to know I’m doing good and to hear from him that I mean something to him. But what can I do? How can I behave? Am I allowed to ask for attention? Or do I let him be? Must I give up my hobbies and devote my time solely to him and our son? What about after our baby is born? I’m almost 7 months pregnant. Should I not rest at all during my postpartum so he doesn’t have to do any housework or cooking? What do I need to do?

    I have so many questions, if there is an experienced woman here who knows how to be submissive and a good wife, and would like to help a younger woman out with finding her meaning in life, please contact me. I feel like I’m trying and getting absolutely nowhere and I need help.

    Thank you Aron for the blog, you literally have no idea how much it has helped, even if I am struggling. I am only struggling because you informed me of my true self through your teachings, and may God richly bless you and your family for this.

    My email is kelseybailey45@gmail.com if anyone would like to privately message. Thank you in advance.

    1. Thank you for caring to do the right thing, Kelsey. I hope it’s an inspiration to other women. Seeking the truth will often bring more persecution than relief, and in this case, it is almost guaranteed in a society which scorns the submissive role of women. Yet the submissive wife is to be honored, and men and women both should see her goodness and her beauty.

      I am very grateful to have helped you on this path. I believe there are some godly, and experienced women readers here who can help you. I would openly ask the devoted submissive wives to offer Kelsey your counsel.

      Blessing and peace to you.

    2. “What about after our baby is born? I’m almost 7 months pregnant. Should I not rest at all during my postpartum so he doesn’t have to do any housework or cooking? What do I need to do?”

      Hi Kelsey, I am sure by now you have had your lovely sweet baby, and I’m late to this, but I felt you needed something from an experienced Mama — no, no, no, you MUST rest during your postpartum period until you have had your last checkup. This doesn’t mean you sit around all day and do nothing, just that you need your doctor’s okay to start exercising and so forth, as well as resume your sex life with your husband again. My grandmother was in the hospital for two weeks when my mother was born, back in the day when you literally were not allowed to even sit up in bed for a couple of days, and then you were allowed to sit up but you were not allowed to stand up and get out of bed for five to ten days, depending on what the doctor said. That old practice has long been blown out of the water as it was totally unnecessary, but there was a considerable lessening of incidents of postpartum depression, psychosis and even just the “baby blues” when postpartum women were kept in bed. They got the necessary rest, a nurse was always there and both Mommy and Baby were cared for rigorously for two weeks or so. I think they bounced back a lot faster because they received excellent nursing care. Now we don’t have any of that — only two days after my youngest was born, I had to get my oldest to a Little League game, take another child to a piano lesson and administer a standardized test to three children (state homeschooling law). All the while I had a colicky newborn, was exhausted, and soaked six postpartum pads with blood — all in twelve hours.

      So, no — you must rest after giving birth. I had six of them. Mostly uneventful, but my youngest was an obstetrical emergency and for a very brief period of time there was a serious question as to whether or not he would live and whether or not I would not go into shock. Even in spite of that, there was still a lot of pressure to go home quickly, which I did, and I wish I hadn’t because as soon as I got home, it was generally assumed Mom was open for business as usual. Even among traditionally-minded people, sometimes mothers receive very little respect, which especially stings when you have complications.

      If your husband won’t let you rest after you give him a child, you need to get your mother or some other person to come to help you and be your advocate for your needs. I’ve had to deal with that before. If you don’t rest, your chances of postpartum problems increases exponentially and you do have legitimate needs that must be met. It is neither selfish nor unsubmissive to request and expect your husband to meet your needs.

  5. [Hater comment edited down to its first main point for the sake of more succinct response. I skipped passing remarks about the comment section not directly related to my own writing. I will respond to the second main point about sex in marriage later]

    Mr. Aron … You wrote that your lifestyle is not a matter of totalitarianism. Totalitarianism is a form of government that does not allow individual freedom and seeks to subordinate all aspects of an individual’s life to the authority of the state. Assuming that the authority in a relationship is the husband and that individual is the wife, all aspects of CDD life fit perfectly into the definition of totalitarianism. By reading your articles and comments under them, any sane person can easily find evidence of the husband’s complete subjugation of his wife in all aspects of life. …But please do not argue that a wife and daughters in such a marriage are not part of a totalitarian system.

    And we all know what such a system can lead to …

    1. Like other insulting, vulgarity-laced, arrogant letters I get from you, and delete to the trash, this one is rooted in a very different worldview, and shows your ideology and your biases, none of which you feel the need to defend. Not only do you have no defense, but you also lob very inaccurate claims left and right in your anger.

      You are a crusader for the wrong cause, and while you accuse others of doing evil, you show your own hatred, anger, vulgarity, and arrogance in your comments. The comment section is for people interested in learning about marital spanking, and marriage in general. I allow the occasional hater comment, only for the sake of replying. I also allow a few other more intelligently disagreeing folks, but I do not do long debates here.

      The accusations that I am “totalitarian” because I have rules for my home and for my wife, and that I enforce them, is an absurdly false claim. That’s in large part because “totalitarian” rule suggests an inordinate number of rules, and regulations that get down to the last detail of things. This does not remotely describe my style of ruling the household or ruling my wife. I’m not Joseph Stalin. I have a simple set of rules, and I give individual commands to her as needed. They are far from extending to every last detail of my wife’s existence. Far from it.

      Moreover, if the accusation of being totalitarian extends to my home, then logically it must extend to every single authority on earth — because every authority has rules and enforces them. In fact, virtually every large workplace, institution, and government has many more rules than I do, and governs with much more detail than I do. They are further along on that scale of regulation than I am, so it comes across as irrational to accuse me of governing in a totalitarian fashion, when the word much better describes them.

      By your liberal usage of the word then, everyone is totalitarian, so the word itself becomes nearly useless in how broad it is.

      How many rules of finance exist in the United States?
      How many rules of transportation exist?
      How many rules regarding the environment?
      How many rules of workplace safety?
      How many cameras are there in U.S. neighborhoods watching the community to see that nothing bad happens?
      How many people have been told they cannot even go outside because of a virus, and must wear a mask?
      How many people have been told they cannot operate a business because of a virus, putting countless people OUT of business?
      How many rules are there in the criminal code?
      How many rules are there for the pharmaceutical industry?
      How many rules are there for their insurance industry?

      You see, we could go on and on with a list like this forever. We could even describe individual rules of the workplace, like employees that all wait for a buzzer to go off until they can eat, and then wait for another buzzer to go off until they can leave, are forced to wear various protective safety items, and have their style of workplace clothing regulated.

      The point is, if simply having rules and discipline is “totalitarian,” then we live in a world which is totalitarian, and there is essentially nothing wrong with that. You grossly misuse the word, simply because you want to attack me, and attack men like me. Otherwise, no rational person would describe having a few simple rules as totalitarian. It is transparently absurd.

      It is good for men to have rules for their home. Rules are there to help us. They help promote the good and discourage evil. They help a home function effectively, fruitfully, peacefully, and with as few problems as possible. Everyone has rules.

      Discipline is there to enforce the rules, and you will find discipline is present nearly universally when there is an authority structure. Just as you’d find a discipline system in place at any workplace, you find one in place in the home, governed by the male, because he’s in charge. This is good and natural. There’s nothing wrong with it . . . you just don’t like it.

      If you really have problems with rules, you can start writing angry letters and very long paragraphs to every institution in your nation, to its government, and to every workplace and complain. Tell them no one should ever rule anyone else, and the world should have no rules, because they’re bad. See how they respond to your angry rant, and maybe you’ll learn something. I’d be interested to see how they reply.

      Finally, as I always tell both the doubters and the haters — a few rules, while sometimes challenging and needing adapting to — is much better than a misbehaving woman. It is much better than a wife who is irresponsible, who disrespects her husband, who gender bends, who is a loudmouth or a gossip, who is violent, who neglects the children, who practices witchcraft, who kills her baby, etc. Wicked women cause incredible destruction to the home and to the society. They need correction. A governing system — whether over a wife or an entire nation — is a small price to pay to encourage the good and to punish evil. A wife, like anyone else — a citizen, an employee, a child — has a leader over them. It is for their own good. And they must obey.

      I don’t expect you to learn much from this, because I see by your attitude you don’t want to. But I reply so that others can see. Your hysterical objections are not rare objections to wife spanking, and I would like my readers to see a fair response.

      As far as your language, and your arrogance, you need to get down on your knees and repent before God. It is filthy and unChristian. I also urge you to lose some of your preconceptions, and learn again what authority and submission is all about.

      I answer many, but not all objections to spanking in my article Spanking is Bad M’Kay: https://spankingyourwife.com/2020/07/18/spanking-is-bad-mkay/

      And the following one, Jesus Says Spanking is Bad, M’Kay: https://spankingyourwife.com/2020/07/18/jesus-sat-spanking-is-bad-mkay-part-2-of-2/

    2. [This is major point number two from an angry long paragraph left by an offended reader. I responded to main point one earlier, that wife spanking is “totalitarian,” and I now wish to reply to this claim that sex and sexual submission is inappropriate in some way, or demeaning]:

      “Is it appropriate to humiliate a woman sexually? Forcing her to crawl naked on all fours before oral sex for the man’s pleasure? And then using the spanking to learn to swallow semen completely? Is the only pride of a woman the pride of obeying her husband? It can’t even be proud of her own children? You can read all this on your blog .. Are these the right patterns? Was it what Christ taught?”

      A few points on what happens between men and women in bed:

      Men and women experience sexual desire, and have intimacy together; it involves nakedness, kissing, touching, and there is a natural give and take between a man’s power and a woman’s softness. Men and women typically don’t just lay there stroking each other’s faces, although they’re free to do that. They strip. They grab. They bite. They cry out. A man penetrates his wife and takes her hard and she opens up to him and gives him her body. He holds her down. She cries out. These are normal things between man and wife. One cannot remove force from the marriage bed any more than you can remove love or tenderness. Force is a part of it. The man’s possession of his wife is a part of it. This is not demeaning in any way, but is good and natural, and follows our natures, which are masculine and feminine. Sparks fly, there is great passion, as male and female have communion in their bodies.

      Before I answer why a man would have his wife crawl around on all fours (as often happens OUTSIDE of wife spanking), or why a wife swallows her man’s cum (which also happens all the time outside of wife spanking), I would have to pose the opposite question:

      Why would a wife ever be so selfish as to not want to satisfy her man? Why would a wife NOT want to express her submissiveness to him, and do it in a sexual way? Why would a wife not want to make sure her man enjoys her body just as he likes it? What amount of false pride, controlling nature, and rebelliousness would prevent a wife from giving herself fully in a sexual manner? This is offensive to the husband, and disrespectful. He is her man, he loves and protects her for life, he cherishes her, and cares for her wants and needs. What kind of woman would NOT want his sexual desire to be satisfied? A selfish and wicked woman.

      Being on her knees, or all fours for her man, is a powerful expression of her belonging to him. It is also an expression of her submissiveness to him. She is his steed. He will ride her. It is also a deep chance for her to experience the vulnerability and openness she has to her man, in a way that is primitive, sexual, and beautiful. A man who has his wife on her knees is not humiliating her. He may be humbling her, but it is perfectly in line with her nature and with her belonging to him. Many women would long to let their man see them on all fours just for him. To know his eyes surveyed her body, and overlooked her soul. To know he can open her up, touch her, stroke her, command her at any moment. When you know how valuable your husband is, you may long for it too. He deserves it.

      Not only that, but what position do you think a woman takes when her man has her doggy style. In this common position for sex, found in countless non-spanking homes, the woman is on all fours. She has two knees and two elbows on the ground. She puts her butt up in the air for him, and often her head near the ground. She gets taken. He grabs her hair and rides her. If millions of women will get down on all fours to be taken, what is so difficult to fathom than millions of more would get down on all fours to show their man they belong to him, and to express their submission bodily. It’s hardly a stretch. It is normal .

      Giving him oral satisfaction is also nothing demeaning. It is an act of desire. It shows her desire to please him and serve him. It gives her a chance to open for her man, and experience his powerful desire in her mouth, his smell, his taste, his force inside of her deeply. She swallows as well, because she belongs to him and she would never offend him by spitting it out. It can help a woman immensely to give her man head regularly, and many women take pride in the fact they know how to please their man, and they always keep him satisfied. A woman giving head gets to embrace her submissiveness, make her man happy, and feel the kind of peace you feel after intimacy with your beloved. Barriers have come crashing down, and you have again experienced that you are one.

      That interplay between man and wife is natural. Remember, it wasn’t in Medieval Catholic Europe that 50 Shades of Gray sold millions and millions of copies to women. It was in the secular West that it sold so stunningly well, with many articles appearing on why so much of the readership (and audience for the movie) were women. You can’t indoctrinate that out of our natures. You can’t make people see white as black, even if you can force them to say white is black. Men and women still respond the way God made them — with the hardness and aggression of the male, and the soft femininity of the woman. A lady giving herself fully in bed is not something to take offense at, and countless women long for it.

      But I wonder if you take the same angry offense at all the immoral sex that goes on outside of marriage. Women in one single day will be giving blowjobs to men they met at a bar or a cafe or a classroom. They will be giving blowjobs to men who are using them for temporary companionship, and don’t even respect them enough to marry them. They will be giving head to men they simply find attractive or exciting. They’ll be giving head just so a guy will want to go out with them. They will be fornicating like crazy, popping pills in their body so they don’t have any babies, and expecting society to think this is normal. Are you offended by any of that? And many of them, of course, will be swallowing too!

      A society that believes that fornication is good, but a woman desiring to satisfy her husband is bad, is twisted and evil. It has embraced a lie. A society that believes there’s nothing demeaning in a woman living with a guy who will not marry her, but that there IS something demeaning in a woman giving her husband a blowjob when he desires one, has no idea what demeaning is at all. Human value and human dignity is embraced in marriage. The value and dignity of a woman is embraced in marriage. Man and wife love each other for life. The man works and sacrifices for the needs, and many of the wants of the woman. He honors her daily and protects her as the softer sex. She serves him, and submits to him, and bears the next generation of children, teaching them in goodness and virtue.

      A woman is not demeaned in marriage, but lifted up. The fact she is submissive, and the fact she responds to her husband’s commands, are not humiliating to her. They are a fulfillment of her nature and role. Nearly any woman can learn to love it. It satisfies their feminine soul. That’s why countless women are excited by a man’s power in bed. They want to be humbled by him. They want to be held by his power.

      I have heard many allegations before that male authority or wife spanking are somehow “against” Christ, but I have heard NO ONE cite any passage from Christ, the apostles, or the Old Testament to show it is wrong. The Bible, Christ’s teachings included, fully acknowledge authority and obedience. The Bible explicitly teaches the man’s authority and the wife’s obedience. While wife spanking is not mandated, it is never prohibited in Scripture, while flogging is either commanded or permitted for various purposes.

      Christ himself taught obedience to God, as did the apostles. Love includes obeying those over you. Christ in His own words taught — if you love me OBEY me. He warned the worldly and sinning churches He would chastise them terribly for their sins if they did not repent. The apostle Paul taught that God chastises us like a father does, and that whom Christ loves He CHASTENS and scourges. So yes, authority, obedience, and punishment are all there in the teachings of the Holy Bible and the teachings of Christ.

      However, usually when someone claims this is against the Bible, they are not one who trust in Christ as their Lord and Savior to begin with, nor someone who believes the Bible is God’s perfect Word. They usually throw that out there as a slam against Christians, or the Christian nature of many men who spank their wives. But the challenge to you is — if you try to hold the Bible up as the standard of truth in the face of spanking husbands, do YOU hold it up as your own standard of truth? Have you trusted Christ and are you following Him. Do you seek to obey God in all things. Do you accept his loving chastisement and correction? Remember, if that is your standard of truth, then of course you must do that too. You must trust and obey.

  6. nicolelinn45 Avatar


    Very good responses to this hater. I do appreciate that you deal with these people before they get to us. 👍
    Exactly what my husband does for me, he protects me. Thanks for protecting your subscribers.

    When I was reading the haters comments, what kept coming to mind was Deception. satan does not have much time on this earth. He is on overtime deceiving people. The original sin. satan deceived Eve, he is a liar. satan knows that if he uses deception to destroy the nuclear family he will have generations that do not know Gods truth about family and marriage. The hater has been deceived and I feel sorry that they will never experience the peace and joy that comes with following Gods marriage plan.

    I have already prayed for this person and everyone that satan has lied to about marriage and family.


    1. Thank you. I definitely want the readers to know the weakness and falsehood of the attacks against us. I believe this person can be delivered. I confront them with the truth, but ultimately I need to trust in God’s power to free them. I greatly appreciate your prayers over this.

  7. iamhissubmissive60 Avatar

    Aron I too stand with you and I will be praying also. I wish this person could know God and understand he loves us and he punishes us too if we disobey him just as spanking husband’s do. I commend you for taking a stand, I read every line and I agree with everything you wrote. Thanks Aron you are so wise.

  8. […] have a healthy respect for the variety that exists in marital discipline. However, I want to warn about one aberrant practice that you find […]

  9. TryingtoSubmit Avatar

    I’ve tried to join a few FB groups about CDD or DD, but some are just bizarre or inappropriate. They make me uncomfortable. The bdsm world is NOT for me. This is my favorite blog because it is thorough, balanced, based in Scripture, and very helpful.

    1. I’m very honored you like this discipline blog. I hope it offers nourishment to our readers, spiritual and practical. I agree, much of what is online about domestic discipline is really far out, or thinly veiled bdsm. Happy to have you join us!

  10. This is not a ‘hate-filled comment.’ I am not a Christian, having left that religion long ago. But, I still have an academic interest in the various streams of thought in modern Christianity, and I study them as I have time. This is how I found my way to your blog which I have read with fascination. As for your beliefs and those on your blog who agree with you in the comments, I do not have an issue with your way of living as long as it is consensual between the husband and wife. It is not my place to decide how you must live out your faith.

    However, I do not agree with your ideas and quite frankly, if given a choice between being the wife of a Christian husband who beats me and a husband who is a satanist but who does not beat me, I would choose the satanist every time. I venture to say that most women would agree with me on this.

    The Barna Group has published studies, based on rigorous scholarship, showing that Christianity is a diminishing religion, especially in first-world countries. Further, women are leaving Christianity in droves, and millennials and Gen X young people are uninterested in your religion at best and hostile to it at worst. My question is: do you believe the presentation of your ideas as the ‘rightful’ Christianity leads to more exodus from the religion, given that your ideas are shocking and barbaric to most people in the modern world? Just curious about what effect you think your blog may have on the uninitiated world.

    All the best,

    1. Hello SF and thank you for your comment. I’m trusting your initials don’t stand for “San Francisco.” I believe you have a few misconceptions, both about spanking and about faith in Christ, and I would like to clear them up. This is not a hate response, but you might call it a love letter.

      Do people leave their Christian faith because someone gets spanked by a loving husband in marriage? Um, no. That would be extremely rare.

      In fact, I’d point out that the goodness of marriage is one thing that attracts people to the faith. If women find out they get a man who will love them for life, provide them a home, raise up children together in a happy family, make love to them regularly and passionately, express his admiration of her beauty and goodness, give them daily access to his strength and guidance, and on top of that they sometimes get a bare-bottomed spanking over his knee . . . I’d say more than a few women would come running to the Christian faith, because, well, they just “found God.”

      Truth is not determined by what a large segment of a people believe, either in this era or another. We know truth through God’s Word, and secondarily through natural laws. One group’s opinion that spanking is “barbaric” has no basis in spanking’s ultimate value, but is only an opinion. In this case a misinformed one. Spanking has been valued highly by nearly all cultures on the planet, and still is among millions of people in nearly every country on earth. A person who claimed spanking as barbaric, would be roundly laughed at, and not taken seriously among those who know its goodness and benefits. Nor should the claim be taken seriously.

      In fact, if anything is barbaric, it is the modern practice of locking people in a cage with criminals as a basis to punish civil wrongdoing. It makes men into more hardened criminals. It separates them from family and makes divorce much more likely. It takes them away from their employment, leaving them without a job. Its suicide rate is seven to ten times higher than the norm. It places them in extreme physical danger, forcing them into a place where assault is so common it is incalculable and in which rape is so common it is incalculable. That is a truly barbaric practice, and much more inhumane than a simple bare bottomed spanking. A spanking hurts briefly in the moment, and perhaps leaves you a bit sore for a few days. Prison ruins lives and sometimes takes lives, and makes men worse criminals than they were to begin with. So to accuse a simple spanking of being barbaric is not only wrong, but also hypocrisy of the highest degree.

      It is also wrong to assume that spanking is some unique Christian thing, that would leave people troubled about the Christian faith, and not rather troubled about other belief systems. Unbelievers spank by the tons. Spanking has been practiced for thousands of years by various people groups and religions, including by secular Atheists today. Even in the secular West it’s hardly uncommon. I spanked unbelieving women for many years, while being an unbeliever myself, and I never felt the need to leave the Humanist faith because of spanking. I don’t know of any women who left the Humanist faith because of spanking, or generally rejected secularism because of it.

      I do know many people, including myself, who rejected secularism, and their faith in man, because of how empty and wrong it is. They tried it out, and came to realize that living for the glory of oneself is void of meaning. They found that seeking pleasure is void of meaning. They found it is irrational to believe that all creation came from one naturalistic event, and we are all just bags of chemicals leading what are ultimately pointless lives. That is not the truth and it sickens the human soul to think about. They found that a worldview which can find nothing ultimately right or wrong is absurd and evil, and there must be greater truth to be found in existence. They found that men and women using each other for temporary pleasure is not a substitute for lifelong unity in a loving Christian marriage. For these reasons and more they left running and screaming from a secular or an Atheist existence and came to know the Living God. As for myself, I drifted from Atheism to an acknowledgment of an impersonal Creator, and finally to the Gospels themselves, to know and to love Jesus Christ.

      Countless people still continue to do that. They recognize the falsehood of living for oneself, and come to the only way to receive cleansing from guilt, new life, and eternal peace in the soul. There has been significant fade away from the Christian faith actually for several centuries in the West, but there has been great growth in the Christian faith in other countries and cultures, which are now coming to our part of the globe, and winning souls for Christ. Outside of the West, growth the past two hundred years has eclipsed growth even during previous less secular eras. It has been a great act of God’s mercy on the world.

      I would not believe every poll you see that sites a drastic falling away from faith in the Son of God. They do not portray everything, nor portray the facts in a historical light. There has been a large scale abandonment of biblical and historical Christianity in the West since the 19th century. However, as I have pointed out, there has been great growth in many other nations. Moreover, many people who are listed as leaving the Christian faith are leaving the godless LIBERAL denominations, some of them eventually coming into Bible believing churches. Many traditional churches are growing in members. I don’t see people leaving mainline liberal denominations as a loss of Christian faith, since those denominations ceased teaching the faith a long time ago. Rather, the members of those churches recognize that their church isn’t teaching much different from what the world would teach, and they have no compelling reason to keep meeting with other people every Sunday. So they leave. A Church that accepts feminism, accepts immorality, and rejects many plain doctrines of the Bible, isn’t Christian to begin with. My belief system when I was Atheist or Agnostic accepted much of what those liberal churches accept, and I never felt compelled to attend them when I was an unbeliever, because if you’re living life by your own human standards anyway, it makes no sense to attend a church. You already reject God.

      I wouldn’t start dancing gleefully on the predicted grave of God’s people. We have since the dawn of time survived much much worse. Starting with the patriarchs, we survived the Flood, we survived a near universal wickedness on the globe, Avram survived being a nomad and a stranger in the land of promise, as did Isaac and Jacob; we survived slavery in Egypt, we survived internal conflict that tore apart Israel off and on through its existence, we survived Exile from the land, we survived captivity in Babylon and in Persia, we survived Haman, the prophet Daniel survived the lion’s den and the death sentence, the three Hebrews survived the flames in the furnace, we survived the armies of Antiochus, we survived a false Pharisaical religious system, we survived the leaders persecuting and executing the Messiah, we survived Roman persecution, we survived Nero, we survived barbarian persecution; we survived invasion by Huns and Magyars, we survived invasion from west, south, and east by Muslims; we survived invasion by Mongols which reached central Europe; we survived evil clerics, internal conflict, and persecution within the Roman Catholic Church; we survived sects led astray by heretics, we survived countless Indian attacks in North America; we survived drought, famine, and plague; and we will also certainly survive today’s persecution by secularists in the West. We will survive current unbelief of churches in this culture. The Bible promises that the gates of hell will not prevail against God’s people. That promise has proven good, and it will continue to prove good. God’s people will bring the Truth and the Light to the world, and will transform it for the good. In the past two thousand years it has already been victorious over many evils on earth, and will continue to do so by God’s power and by faith

      Spanking within a marriage, which many men and women desire, is a pretty insignificant reason for people to leave the faith. I will tell you why people leave. One reason is that they simply stop believing the Bible. Once that happens, the rest of their belief system seems founded on very little, so they drift away and eventually revert to the religion of self, or another religion. This has been going on, as I’ve already mentioned, since the 19th century, especially since some men view recent scientific beliefs as contrary to the Bible, thus leaving it not worth trusting in general. That’s wrong, but it still has led people away from the faith. A more central and spiritual reason people leave is that it’s much more attractive to live for oneself than it is to bow down to God, even though God deserves our honor and our obedience. It is much more attractive to be proud than to crucify the flesh. It is obviously more attractive to seek out the pleasures of life than it is to live a life of sacrifice, obedience, meekness, modesty, and accept a degree of persecution. It is also more attractive to sin freely by committing fornication, sodomy, or other favorite sexual sins than it is to live in lifelong monogamy, and otherwise be spiritually disciplined. People like the flesh. It’s attractive to the eyes. Sin is attractive. That is the main reason people reject the Christian faith, or reject revealed religions in general.

      No one will be held guiltless, SF. Do not imagine for yourself that you can live as if God’s moral law does not exist, and still be basically a good person. All men sin. Unbelief itself is a sin against God. No amount of doing objectively good deeds makes up for human guilt. Guilt is real, and not a feeling. The guilt of mankind before God is just as real, in fact MORE real, than the guilt of a murderer before a judge, and it is pure idiocy to think doing some good things will make that wash away. It does not simply wash away. All are guilty, and will rightly be condemned to hell for their sins, if they do not repent and trust in Christ. He took the penalty for our sins, and he makes our soul new when we come to Him in faith.

      You state that you left religion years ago, SF. That’s an ambiguous statement to me. If you mean that you left the Christian faith, I would tell you that you never truly knew or loved Christ. This is true of many people who attend church, or who are raised in the faith. If you know and love Christ your faith does not rest in mere externals, but on a knowledge of who God is. Once you are born new in Jesus Christ, you love Him and you live life for Him. You hate sin. You work to cleanse your life from sin. You want to share the Gospel to lead other souls to come over to God’s family and be saved. You uplift God and you uplift holy things. You understand that His law is good, and is for the benefit of mankind.

      A faith which can be destroyed by mere doubt, or frustration with another individual, is not a sincere one to begin with. It is the faith of a person who needs to come and see Christ for the first time, and be united with Him in love. It is the faith of a person who has never truly accepted their rebellious state and their need to be made clean. If you have sincere questions about the Bible, and its truth, all of those questions can be answered, and I found in my study as a new believer that they had strong answers. In fact the answers are strong enough that once you learn them, it renews and strengthens your faith, and you see more clearly how irrational unbelief is. The secular worldview destroys souls, and leads men to being lost forever. You must reject it SF, repent, and come to the Lord of Glory.

      While I don’t do long debates here, if you have real questions or doubts about Christianity, I will answer in some detail if you write to my e-mail. The old self must die. New life will come in Christ.

      Consider all of this in contemplation and prayer. I care about you.

      1. This is not a hate response either. I think regarding SF’s comments and your reply, if your third paragraph could be true: “If women find out they get a man who will love them for life, provide them a home, raise up children together in a happy family, make love to them regularly and passionately, express his admiration of her beauty and goodness, give them daily access to his strength and guidance, and on top of that they sometimes get a bare-bottomed spanking over his knee” I think you could be right, that some women might really want this. But it seems it is not this in many cases. It is spanking with big or dangerous instruments like canes, it is mouth soaping, figging, forced anal sex, enemas, wives standing nude with blistered bottoms in front of family members, wives being punished by other men, to name just a few of the more severe or scary punishments I have read here. I know that you yourself do not condone many of these practices, but you allow other men to write about and describe them in graphic detail. Surely you must see that some of these punishments would feel very scary to women, particularly those of us unfamiliar with the lifestyle. Is it any wonder then, that SF and I would run for the hills?

        1. Hello Lucky, Thank you for your questions. I find that many of the objections to spanking very much rely on a world of hypotheticals. They rely on a world where things end up in the worst case. They rely on a world of men and women that never learn, never communicate, and refuse to follow guidance. They rely on the staple of “That Guy” who just does really evil stuff and then there’s never any way around it. Not that your objection itself is too far in that direction, but that’s the bread and butter of objections to wife spanking, and it refuses to live in the real world. For this reason, I believe they present irrational fears and uninformed judgments.

          In the real world people talk about their marriage, and come to an understanding of how it works, whether with discipline or otherwise. Men give a pretty realistic description of what spanking involves, and do not just suddenly shift into totally new territory, like running a medieval dungeon. In the real world both man and wife make mistakes, and poor judgments, and over time they adjust for those mistakes, and live together in better harmony, including making adjustments to how discipline works. In the real world, and I’ve seen this frequently myself, husbands most of the time listen to good guidance from other men if they are drifting into being too lax with discipline, or too severe. In the real world husbands and wives live with the flaws and errors in their spouse, which even when they don’t go away completely, hardly destroy the happiness or fruitfulness of marriage. Marriage continues in its blessings, even though it has its struggles.

          The fact that there may be That Guy out there who refuses to listen to reason, who does evil stuff, who refuses to ever change is totally irrelevant to normal situations. That’s because That Guy isn’t the average man, but a straw man, and in real life is very rare. People who have fears about spanking, if they take the time to learn, and be rational about it, will understand this too. In a loving marriage, and one in which there is some communication, spanking is simply a normal part of a discipline system, and there is nothing too hard about it. It helps the home, and helps a woman to turn away from harmful bad behavior. Granted, it’s normal to have a certain level of fear in facing a spanking, as I discuss on this website, but a fear great enough to make someone think they need to skip out on marriage is truly irrational and baseless.

          I have to point out too that arguments that you are presenting against spanking in marriage, really turn back on themselves. That is because they are unfairly pointing the finger at traditional marriages, while ignoring similar fears in other domains in life. For example, countless unmarried couples practice spanking. Does that scare anyone out of the lifestyle of fornication? Does that scare anyone out of having any intimate relations? Only very rarely are those experiences so bad they do such a thing. I spanked many women before I was married, and none of them abandoned a life of fornication because of it, nor did they abandon me. Similarly, of the couples I know who spanked in their relationships, whether dd-like or bdsm, none of them gave up fornication because it was too scary for them, nor did they give up their overall belief system. Countless people practice spanking, and very few just give up on relationships because of it.

          Therefore, I find the same thing is true regarding marriage. Very few women stay out of it because they might get a bare bottomed spanking. Many women would actually look forward to such a thing. Alongside a man’s affection, leadership, and everything he provides a home, women can see how spanking fits into place. Some have changed their minds on the subject just by visiting this website or others, and now either get spanked themselves, or at least realize it’s not wrong to do.

          I trust that any reader can tell the difference between a spanking and bdsm. You don’t even need to spend much time on this particular website, but a simple familiarity with these things will let you discern 99% of the time, whether someone is practicing very extreme forms of punishment, or a normal spanking. You don’t have to be a rocket scientist. With that discernment, and a fair mind which is not just looking for an objection, no one would have major irrational fears.

          Couples typically talk about how punishment works either before marriage or before starting with discipline, and as long as there is basic honesty, there will not be any wild surprises. I told my wife I spank with my hand, a belt, or similar spanking tool, and that is how I have done things every last time since then. I did not feel the need to discuss all the possible details, and certainly have tried out a variety of tools, but absolutely nothing in over 17 years of marriage has gone wildly outside that description. That’s the real world. A spanking may not be easy to take, but women accept it all the time, and are not abandoning marriage or abandoning their belief system because of it.

          I allow comments on this website that are obviously closer to bdsm than wife spanking. That fact is openly stated on my About page, and I have stated that in the comments elsewhere. Some of the wilder comments are surely fiction too. I trust in the basic knowledge and maturity of readers to figure that out anyway. You may not like it, but women deal with punishment all the time that are hard to bear, including punishments harsher than I give. They continue to have wonderful marriages, raise children, and enjoy life despite the fact that this short-lived experience is difficult for them. Even women who are caned for the more severe offenses typically know that they deserved it, and do their best to learn the lesson they have to learn. It was good for them. They then feel better, and continue having a fulfilling marriage. Spanking is not anyone’s whole life or marriage. It is a very small part of a home life which is productive and rewarding, full of love and delight.

          Here are some things women should fear much more than getting put over a man’s knee and spanked on her bare bottom:

          Living life fully autonomous of a man’s headship, love and protection.
          Being used for sex over and over outside of marriage
          Having criminal, irresponsible, or violent “boyfriends”
          Being left alone after getting pregnant
          Being spanked by a man who has not committed to marriage to her
          Being without children for the future, unless she is committed to celibacy to glorify God
          Wordly and sinful influences in her life
          Living a life for money, career, comfort, self-fulfillment
          Being left with nothing but a pile of cash and a few dogs at the end of her life

          Planning for marriage, and marriage to a godly man, helps to alleviate these all fears. So does a life built on the Word of God. That marriage is something to look forward to and hunger for, while that empty and dangerous life outside of it is to be feared. Marriage conquers those evils and replaces them with good. It is the more peaceful and safer place, best for a woman to dwell in. It is selfish to replace the good of the family, with a life of self and pleasure, regardless of your doubts and fears.

          Let’s look at other things a woman might fear:

          Having a rebellious attitude towards her man
          Coldness and bitterness in marriage
          Constant open conflict with her husband
          Her own bad habits which may harm her and her children
          Her instinct to shoot off at the mouth
          Bad choices like getting drunk
          Her desire to be with other men
          Breakup of the family, and the resultant immense pain

          That’s quite a range of bad behavior which is legitimately to be feared, and which can greatly damage marriage. Much of it also damages children and society in general because of its effects. Leadership and discipline put that harmful behavior into the past and puts an end to some of the awful conflicts which exist in marriage. They allow marriage to function more as it should, in peace, without ongoing conflict, and by healthy standards of home life. That is why some many use it in marriage, and attest to its good fruit.

          In other words: The offenses which lead to a spanking are much more to be feared than a spanking itself.

          The good of the family outweighs that small and difficult correction she has to face.

          That means in the light of being in her love’s hands at night at night, bearing children, making nice things for neighbors, doing home gardening, cooking, having fellowship, singing hymns together, eating cheesecake and sipping wine with her man, and maybe taking a few trips to the beach, a few minutes of getting paddled if she uses filthy language is a small price to pay.

          Nearly any woman can easily see that. Stop using the filthy language, and you won’t face it often anyway. It’s for your good, as are the punishments given to children, and to criminals. A mature person will recognize this, and see the same principles at work in any authority structure. It is a growing experience, even if it hurts in the moment. That is why literally millions and millions of women get spanked, and don’t ever abandon marriage.

          Interestingly, in an era when male authority was much more recognized in marriage, and in which wife spanking was more common and more accepted, guess what . . . many MORE men and women got married. Many MORE marriages lasted for life. Interesting isn’t it. Making an enemy of men and of masculinity hasn’t helped the female. It has turned her either into a cheap sex object, or a lonely money maker, and taken away the happiness and protection and life-giving joys of the home.

          Men and women are indeed intimidated by marriage today, but spanking is not a major factor. One factor is how common divorce is, and this is a serious fear, especially for children of divorce. The selfish desire to pursue greater educational levels and make a lot of money also turns people away from marriage, because it is hard work, and much of your money and time has to go to your children. Many men further do not want to marry because of the evils and abuses of feminism, which they know can rob them of happiness, destroy their marriage, cost them their money, and their children. Why would they want to marry?

          So go to an era in which the law of God was more respected, and in which men more often had authority and spanked their wives, and it does not support your suggestion, or the suggestion of the other commenter. More people wanted to get married. Attacking man’s headship is not good for women. It is bad for women, just as it’s bad for men, for children, and for marriage. The best thing for a woman is the love and leadership of her man.

      2. hi Aron, I apologize for replying here rather than to your reply to me, but I did not see a reply button at the end of your message to me. (I am not the most savvy computer person 🙂 )Thank you for your response. In thinking about it, I suppose what you are saying about “That Guy” makes sense. Whenever an authority is given, whether to a husband, city official, state or federal government, the authority can be misused by That Guy, but it does not mean the authority itself is bad. I guess you are right, there will always be That Guy in any entity of authority. Also, I suppose that if a wife were to gently and kindly and lovingly tell her husband that a particular type of punishment affects her too much, they can have a conversation about it. Communication is the key I agree. He may or may not agree, but at least he will hear her out. That is the trust you wrote about so well. So thank you very much for your thoughtful response. In spite of my concerns, I really do appreciate a lot about what you have written here. I have learned a lot.
        I have enjoyed more than 3 decades of marriage with a wonderful, Godly and loving man, so I know how it feels to be in a good marriage as you describe about yours. We both had Godly and loving parents, which helped shape us. While both our sets of parents are now gone, we talk about them so frequently, remembering when they said or did about this or that. They are wonderful memories. Their guidance helped us raise our children. We are grateful our children had their grandparents in their lives for some of their years. This is why I use my pen name as “Lucky., which I feel I have been so Lucky in my life.

        1. That’s wonderful, Lucky. I appreciate your use of that name, though I would say “Blessed,” since it tells us God is in command. Having good and godly parents definitely helps children have better and happier marriages themselves. There is incredible blessing for our future when we use marriage and home for God’s purposes. Bless you and your family.

    2. SF, please do not even joke about taking up with a satanist—I can’t dignify such a union with the term “marriage”, nor such a man with the term “husband”.

      People who play with Satan lose. More than you can imagine.

      Choose love.


Leave a Reply