The Mighty Consistency

Perhaps the advice you will hear the most in learning to discipline your wife is the need to be consistent. The dedication that you show by making sure to punish when it is deserved, and not put it off too long, is the backbone of your discipline. You do not go halfway with your leadership or correction. She has no question about who is in charge. She knows brushing your rules off will not be taken lightly. Consistency means she receives regular verbal guidance, and spankings for her infractions. This will leave her with the knowledge of your oversight and concern for her, and will also make sure that spankings are effective into the future. Do not ever slack in consistency with your wife.

Regular punishments when earned, help produce in a wife what discipline should. It makes sure she knows what the rules are. It instills deeply that there are consequences for breaking them, and she knows in a heartbeat she won’t like them. Consistency shows her who is in charge in a way she will not forget — she experiences your verbal guidance, correction, and firm hand regularly. She never thinks she can act up on-and-on without being stopped. A wife whose husband is not slack in spanking her is always aware of his strength, and she loves it. She has experienced his power. His rule over her goes with her even when he’s not present. Similarly, she becomes more aware of her own submission to him, and learns a loving softness to his correction. She becomes more comfortable on her knees. What spanking in general seeks to accomplish, CONSISTENCY applies and stretches out in time. You can’t be successful without it.

Consistency is also not merely in baring her bottom and spanking her when needed. It also applies to his other leadership and to his verbal corrections. It means he lets her know where the boundaries are. He lets her know her responsibilities. He gives her encouragement, gentle correction, goals, and sometimes warnings as she seeks to grow as a wife. He is active as her oversight. She knows that she reports to him, and seeks his praise, and to never let him down. Her man becomes her mentor and counselor, whom she feels within her soul daily. He is also her confessor and corrector when she fails. Her man is always there for her.

This is a real responsibility for husbands. It takes thought and preparation. It requires that a husband know his wife, know what good and godly goals for the household are, and know how to instruct his wife even when he is not feeling like it. Men who prefer to sit on the couch, or think of their family as less than very important, will end up finding consistency hard. Your mind and concern needs to be present. You daily take the role of captain. That is more important than extra leisure time. A husband’s rule is for the good of his wife, in all areas, and he should never be absent from it.

Being consistent also means you are not too soft to give your wife a hard spanking and make her cry. You can put aside that sympathy nearly all of us feel, and know that it is for her good. She may have been very good recently. You may have just had happy times. But if she is behaving badly or acting up, you do not avoid spanking her just because you have sympathy. Love is kind. Love is also righteous. Love knows that bad behavior causes harm, and love protects society and protects the family from that bad behavior by initiating punishment. Your love then needs to be firm when she has earned a spanking. It is for her good and for the home. Don’t ignore it. That’s soft. Let her know she has earned a good talking to, and she needs to go upstairs, get undressed, and wait for you.

A spanked wife benefits from consistency. More than a few wives will complain that their husbands spank them, but so rarely that they don’t get much of a lesson from it, nor do they experience his real strength. A woman needs that. She needs to know firmly that you are in control. She is not. She needs to know that you are no nonsense, cannot be fooled, and aren’t uncaring about her behavior. A husband will give his wife what she needs to learn through his regular hard correction. A wife also learned more deeply the wrong of her actions, when her actions are normally punished. Ignoring punishment often sends the message that something isn’t wrong, or at least not very much. It sends mixed messages. It teaches a wife that her disrespect or her dangerous behavior aren’t wrong, and that it doesn’t matter much to her husband. She can then begin to wonder whether she is in fact independent — is only half her day monitored, is her husband truly concerned for her welfare? Spanking instills in her that her man is head, she cannot disobey him, and her behavior is so wrong it deserves to be punished and it has to stop. Spanking, without consistency, can never do this.

Naturally, it is right to take a moment to warn against fooling consistency. It has to be noted that one shouldn’t be consistent with the wrong system, such as punishment for any minor error or flaw. To consistently punish for anything would push a wife well beyond the scope of human performance, and make her feel her task was impossible. She would never see growth, and never feel as if she pleased her husband. One also cannot show consistency by dealing with every infraction in exactly the same way. Unique circumstances need to be taken into account. Details that may make the situation more serious, or less serious, need to be evaluated. Not every situation is the same. A husband should also know that while consistency is an essential to his discipline system, he is free to absolve her as well. He can choose to show mercy, as is often shown to us, in order for her to learn a different kind of lesson. Mercy cannot be stretched into simply ignoring the rules because we want to avoid being harsh, but rather mercy is offered in unique situations. Mercy lifts her at a unique time out of her guilty state. It does not make law and order conveniently go away.

Good things take time. Training in anything involves repetition. There may be many husbands who feel loathe to spank some days, but think of it this way: how many times did you need to repeat a passage to memorize it? How many times does the athlete run sprints, or lift weights. How many times does the student review his subject before he has learned it well. The training of a wife is not radically different, as she learns both to better her behavior, and embrace a submissive position to her husband. Her lessons are repeated, her exercises done many times. That doesn’t mean you need to spank all the time, but you need to spank when they really are earned, and instruct regularly as well. No lawyer passes the bar spending one night in the library and then a month at the beach. Similarly no wife will bloom in her soul when a husband wants to relax rather than refine her. Repeated trips over your knee are a part of her learning. With time they instill the lesson more permanently, and more deeply.

One of the first pieces of advice I took as a younger man learning to lead my home in discipline is the often heard call to consistency. I am not always great at it myself, but I took that advice and made it my goal not to be negligent in guiding or correcting my wife. I would not make discipline a low priority at home. I would not skip her much needed spanking because I felt soft toward her. I would treat it as a responsibility, and my wife would benefit. The rewards have been real in my home, and I am confident they can be real in yours. Do not close your eyes to your wife’s poor behavior or rude mouth. Spank her each time she has earned it. Give her a firm lecture and spank her hard. She is learning every time, even if it seems slow, and growth is sporadic. Your paddle brings her to years. Yet it builds her up, teaches her, and finally becomes her strength.

Site Update: I now have an index of MOST of the articles here, divided by subject, on the About Page. I thought some would find it useful in navigating through the subjects and the articles. Be blessed.


14 responses to “The Mighty Consistency”

  1. my husband is very attentive to my education, he never neglects his husband’s obligations to correct me, he is always attentive to wrong or deviated behaviors, and he never fails to correct me when I deserve it.
    at the beginning of our marriage he used maintenance discipline, every Sunday before the service I got a soapy mouth and some blows, he said he still hadn’t had time to train me, not to gossip or have a smart mouth, and he wanted to make sure that I was pure to pray in the service and read the holy book

    1. Thank you, Ruth. Your husband sounds very attentive and active in looking after you. I have used maintenance spankings in the past, for a few months, when I saw that my wife was slipping. It can also be useful early on in a marriage in bringing a wife into the swing of things. I would not consider using it before church unless I had seen there was a previous serious problem there. I have heard similar stories though. I hope your marriage continues to grow and flourish.

  2. CoTxGrl85 Avatar

    From a wife’s perspective this is thing. Not that sometimes finding mercy and only talk (like really talk 🙂 I used to feel confused about why it felt badly to me if my husband didn’t follow through because of course not having to be punished is always a relief, but when it’s because he is to busy or just because he is human it does feel all of the sudden like I’m not a priority or important enough to deal with. I think it also makes me feel a little bit like it used to be. When he was angry or frustrated with my behavior he would somewhat withdrawal. Honestly his withdrawal or shutting down is worse to me than my hardest spanking. (I mean they are different) but as Aaron you have written about several times, this lifestyle does promote a wide feeling like a priority. I feel safe and I feel loved. That is because even punishments are done in love. It is the truth. Yes when it’s time to get down to business he is the strictest person I have ever known. He somewhat shifts into the punishment husband, and after and even before he listens. He is engaged not off away from. He is invested. He cares and is so much more aware. So back to consistency, when I mess up and we do not talk through it or handle it together it feels really sad. I do not feel that way any longer since my husband is almost always consistent, and I know if he doesn’t deal or talk to me that same day it will happen the first chance he gets. Sometimes that adds to the punishment because you know it’s coming, but not exactly when. Although it is much better to deal as soon as possible, and as consistently as possible. Thanks again, this is a really important piece in all areas of life when you are teaching and leading, especially your home.

    1. You’re welcome. It’s my pleasure. I think you share some insightful ideas from the woman’ perspective, both in what it feels like to be disciplined, or to have discipline neglected. There’s plenty there for men and women to learn from. Discipline is certainly superior to many of the alternatives that come to pass. Blessing to you and your family.

  3. thewaysofnature Avatar

    Another excellent and thought provoking post on a most excellent site. Really appreciate your posts, and many of the commenters here. Special kudos to Sophia for the female perspective in her comments!

    1. Thank you. I’m really happy you appreciate the website. I enjoy many of the comments also, and believe they can help others.

    2. Sophia Avatar

      Thank you for the lovely comment! I’m happy to show my support for Aron’s work and share how much I take his advice to heart in my own life. I hope you’ve enjoyed his writing as much as I have!

  4. […] that if she does not behave she will earn herself a session over your knee. If you’ve been consistent with her, she will know that you mean it. You’re not playing around. If your spankings have been hard […]

  5. […] Do not be discouraged if she has outbursts or regresses. Keep moving forward with training her and be consistent with your verbal leadership and your discipline. Remind her of her position — submitted fully […]

  6. […] her bottom. It is the overall leading and nourishment of her husband that help her, along with his firm hand when he needs to put her over the […]

  7. […] Indifference or apathy give way to motivation and action, which are required for leading a woman. The consistency that a regular system of discipline requires works on the man like a workout routine. He becomes […]

  8. tryingtosubmittohim Avatar

    I am a master of good behavior. I was the oldest child, an A student, and I know exactly how to be the good girl.

    However, my heart is often rebellious. In school, I cheated when needed, to get the A. I lied to my parents to maintain my image of perfection. I hid things from them. They never found out, so I never had the punishment and restitution that I needed so badly.

    My husband knows all of this and I’ve tried to be extremely open and honest with him because I don’t want to be that girl anymore. However, my heart can still be angry. I can do all the chores required of me and hate it. I can resent my household responsibilities and even envy that he “gets” to work and I have to make meals and manage the kids. Because of all of this, I need his discipline. Often my transgressions are internal and not external. I have asked for a set training period (1-2 weeks) or regular maintenance, to help my inward attitude. He is still deciding. I have to back off and wait for his decision, but he does know my struggles. Spanking sessions have already greatly helped me, and he sees that, so I am hopeful for more positive change in my heart in the future. Any advice is welcome.

    1. Those are some great ideas. Sometimes it can be very helpful for a wife to be the one to admit her wrongs, rather than waiting for the husband to find out. Sometimes he might not. It is the honest thing to do as well. I am planning on an article in the future about admitting wrongs openly.

      It can be intimidating if there would be a serious punishment for it, but it can also be the only way to deal with certain problems. This is especially true of the internal ones, which will not be found out, but which often lead to bad behavior down the line.

      I’m sure some of our readers could share their experiences similarly in admitting to wrongs.

  9. […] the opposite pole, a husband who is slack with discipline can assure that his wife never takes bold steps in submission in the first place. […]

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