DD Practices I Do Not Use [PART 2]

Part 1 of this topic covers: Counting Strokes, Journaling, Pleasure Denial and Control, Back Door Training, and Safe Words

The Cane:

While it’s not the most common instrument, more than a few husbands discipline their wives with a cane. For some it is an instrument kept only for the worst of offenses. The rest of the time it sits there in its case looking intimidating. Other husbands use it more commonly. It is a fierce instrument, with a reputation that precedes it. I have never used the cane, and I do not plan to try. That’s not that I don’t appreciate the need to have a special instrument for harsher punishments. Or that just looking at the thing could be a powerful deterrent. It certainly would be. However, the cane is serious enough in how it works that it could easily be used wrongly and cause injury. Its blow is powerful enough that landed too hard, or in the wrong place, would give the woman being corrected much more pain than desired, and cause lasting injury.

That’s just not needed during a spanking. I’m sure more men who use the cane practice to use it rightly, and are very careful. However, I just don’t see the need to step to the edge of danger, where it would be easy to make a small mistake with bigger consequences. There are other instruments that can deliver harsh punishment — I keep a paddle for that — and are more easily controlled. For that reason, it I find in unnecessary as well. I will admire it from afar, but I don’t plan to use it.


The practice called “figging” appears in a few discussions of alternate forms of punishment. It appears not many use it, but it’s talked about. Figging is a silent form of punishment that involves putting a raw piece of ginger up a wife’s derriere. The ginger is inserted into her backside, and will cause some degree of burning over time. I don’t know a great deal about it, and am not very interested, but this practice gains some attention due to its being a bit exotic, and due to its connection to anal sex, involving a form of penetration.

I don’t bother with this kind of practice for several reasons — wife spanking involves punishing the backside, not doing internal operations. A practice like figging, as mild as it seems, begins to take the discipline session elsewhere. It is well beyond a spanking. If there really is a need for a silent method of punishment, and spanking is too loud, capsaicin cream would do the job much better, and likely is stronger anyway. Why involve yourself with something filthy and smelly like feces during discipline? Plus there could be some nasty cleanup.

Figging also comes halfway to blending sex into the punishment itself, since it involves a kind of penetration of the wife who receives it. It is painful sex as punishment. I keep sex separate from the spanking itself, though I sometimes include it afterward. A spanking should be focused on the punishment she is receiving and the lesson she needs to learn, and not on sexual intimacy. That is what I want her mind to be on as I spank her.

Inviting other People:
Bringing others to watch, or participate in discipline is common in the bdsm world, which has very different values, both from most people who spank their wives, and from any faithful Christian. You hear about inviting company within domestic discipline also, but I think the bulk of us consider this completely aberrant. We do not bring in “wife trainers” or bring in spectators. A wife belongs only to her husband. Others neither watch nor participate. You’d no more bring them in for as spanking than bring them in for making love.

That is because the act of spanking itself is very intimate, on multiple levels, and involves nudity nearly always. The punishment may also be overly humbling for her to bear if she is on display. A spanking indeed humbles a wife, but it is for correction and refinement, and she knows she is loved and honored by her husband. Other parties do not have the same bond or the same trust, and can easily view it as entertainment or as mere degradation. They are not the loving protectors that the husband is. She should not be expected to give up that incredible level of trust and show such extraordinary vulnerability to anyone but her spouse. Lastly, a multitude of people find the spanking setting to be sexually exciting, so even if sexuality is not encouraged, putting spanking on display spreads the sexual aura to anyone who might be affected. Therefore, it is a private experience, between man and wife, in order to correct her.


You occasionally hear of people who spank a wife in front of the children. I don’t know how much of this is real, versus online fantasy, but it’s something I encourage readers to avoid; that is both because of the sexualized nature of many spankings, and the trauma it could leave the child with. I honestly think anyone who writes about this has an aberrant understanding of our relationship with children, or is simply trying to make wife spanking look as bad as possible, as a nasty smear on the movement. They either intentionally or unintentionally sling mud at it. Either way, it would turn me off from taking a source of information seriously if it included children being involved. That’s just not an authority to learn from. Go elsewhere for advice.

Erotic Spanking:

While the erotic content of a spanking is lost on no one, I do not use spanking purely for erotic purposes, or an erotic supplement. Spanking is a form of discipline, it hurts, and should correct behavior. There are many household where spanking is only erotic, or where erotic spankings are included with discipline ones, but while I respect these practices I don’t bother using them.

Number one, a household should have discipline, and I’ve found that spanking is the best kind. It is effective. It would be a loss to assign it only a place in the bedroom. Nor do I want to confuse the purpose of spanking by giving some of them for wildly different aims. I think this threatens to make spanking purely sexual, and also threatens to bring too much in the way of pain into the bedroom. So beyond the almost-mandatory smack on the butt here and there, I don’t bother spanking in bed.

Now the intimate nature of spanking is present already during punishment or training. A woman will experience a similar nakedness and closeness to her man. Some men may have their wives perform sexually after the spanking. Spanking even for punishment is a small step away from making love in its intensity, nudity, and closeness. In that way, I never feel at loss of its erotic content. That element is always present, even though the goal is discipline. The erotic already saturates the experience.


13 responses to “DD Practices I Do Not Use [PART 2]”

  1. the tricky part with letting your children know about DD. They shouldn’t know at an early age. But I wonder as teens. In some ways they need to know how to act in a marriage. if they know mom was spanked by dad that would be better to use it properly once they marry. But should never see it.

    1. Sure, I agree. I don’t have a problem in principle with older children knowing that discipline is used in our marriage. It’s just that the act itself is naturally private.

  2. Sergeant Avatar

    Such interesting topics you have brought up Aron. Once again I agree with your views especially when it comes to two of them.
    Firstly the bad effects of sexualizing a spanking although its nature is much sexual, when practices such as figging, voyeurism and uncalled for spankings come into play they diminish the seriousness of a correction spanking, I feel as though even training spankings can lessen the emphasis of a punishment one if used the wrong way, so taking spankings so lightly and involving sex with it might bring harm and confusion to the household.
    The other very important topic is how to balance the children in a house where there is such a structure, in my view, the kids should understand and be taught that structure, in the house there’s a ruler who is ‘dad’, ‘mom’ answers to ‘dad’, ‘the kids’ answer to ‘mom’ and ultimately to ‘dad’, always with the understanding that ‘dad’ has the last words over everyone, to me that hierarchy needs to be taught to the kids as soon as they can talk. Now when it comes to crime and punishment itself the age come to teach each child about it and when they have to answer to a mistake made it should be a one to one talk, that is so there’s no worries about what their brother or sister is thinking by the side or taking their mind out of the punishment thinking of whoever else is in the room.
    That said, if everyone knows, understands and follows the hierarchy the kids certainly know everytime whoever makes a mistake they answer for it even ‘mom’, it has been taught within their raising they don’t have to see it and may someday they’ll realize for themselves or not, like it happened to me as young adult, even ‘dad’ answers to God if we’re talking about more religious homes.

    While I don’t have kids yet, (hoping to as soon as they can come), that’s how I’ll conduct this in my home.

    1. I think you have a very good understanding, Sergeant. Yes, in our home the children can clearly see the authority structure, It’s not ambiguous. They know mother needs to obey me, and they know they need to obey their parents. That will help it to be natural for them when they marry and have families.

      May God bless you with many children, Sergeant. They are immeasurably important for our future and for God’s kingdom. They are arrows in the hand of a warrior.

  3. CoTexGrl83 Avatar

    In our house we do not use any of these methods either. Our children same as above know that Dad is the ultimate word. We did have a moment when our son said to me that Dad was the boss when I told him no about something. We of course had to address that and we used that moment as a realization that we must still present as a unified front. We spoke to him and his brother about how Mommy has the final word when Daddy is not present. Daddy will always support Mommy. It’s a little tricky when they know and have observed Dad being the ultimate decision maker. They are smart and observant. He was not in trouble that time as he was just stating what he has witnessed. Always respectfully of course. My husband never would say you are wrong no we will do this in front of our children. We as much as possible decide things we don’t see eye to eye on in private, so the decision is brought to the kid’s as a Mommy snd Daddy decision. He knows now that is an unacceptable response when Mommy gives an answer that he doesn’t like, it’s final. It was not respectful and it will never happen again! We also learned a valuable lesson that we needed to be mindful to show that even if Daddy is the leader of our family Mommy always has final say with the boys, and Daddy trusts me and will always support me, period! They do not have a clue about what happens when we reach a time where we must go downstairs to talk. They are not privy to any of that. As far as we know we will keep that private. There is no guessing Mommy does obey Daddy, we all do! So it has never been an issue again. They allowed to grow up knowing we support them alwsys and will always be there to encourage and teach them as humans and men. I do think kids need to be separate from how we handle things because they do not fully understand. So they could say something because they know a little bit. Kiddos always tell things! I personally would never want to tell them not to tell people this or that. Growing up with secrets is one of the most torturous ways to live. All of our families I’m sure run very well with a clear leader and devoted Mom who supports their Dad and is a helpful and loving spirit to all. We are all doing our best. I believe that with all of my heart! I wanted to share this experience for others. Maybe they will know to be careful of this so that kind of confusion doesn’t happen.

  4. Bill's Wifey Avatar
    Bill’s Wifey

    Excellent article as always Mr. Aron. My husband and I do not use any of these methods either. I actually respectfully requested no cane, as I don’t like the idea of welts and he agreed that a paddle would suffice for the worst offenses. I do not like being paddled but if he feels I have done something to deserve it I submit to his will. I am fortunate (and well behaved enough) that in our twenty one year marriage the paddle has been used maybe only five times.
    Our children do not know about our domestic discipline, though they are very aware of the structure of our family of Daddy being the big boss. Our oldest daughter is now twenty and is courting a terrific young man from our church. My husband and I have decided that if they ask us our opinion on this type of family structure, we would tell them that Daddy disciplines me with spanking. It is not information we will tell them unless they ask, and only once they are adults and are trying to navigate a relationship with the types of value we have tried to instill in them!

  5. The CDD stuff is just plain weird to me. More then BDSM. Some women like a strong hand to guide them, but it seems to me that the women participating in CDD are only furthering their own degradation. Anyway, there are similarities in the two lifestyles, but CDD seems like a thinly veiled plot for Christians to not feel bad about partaking in the “evils” of BDSM.

    1. Katie, Thank you for illustrating an important point I have made on this site before: The hatred of men who spank their wives is not mostly about the spanking itself. Otherwise there would be equal hatred for female spankers, homosex spankers, or the general bdsm world. Yet there is not.

      People hate wife spanking much more, even loathe it, NOT because there’s a spanking involved. They hate it because there is a man in charge of his wife. There is a man leading his wife as God and nature dictate is good, and spanking her when she deserves it. That’s what is really threatening. Wife spanking threatens the secular worldview, along with secular ideas about gender, and modern feminism. In fact, it pretty much gets rid of any feminism in a matter of minutes. If it isn’t feminist-negating enough for a husband to tell his wife to undress, and have her obey, it certainly is feminist-negating for him to bend her over the knee, and spank her soundly to tears, all the while correcting her behavior verbally.

      Spanking reminds those very uncomfortable with it that the man is in charge. The man, who represents Christ, reminds us the God is in charge, and we must follow His law. It is a statement — spiritual, ethical, and all-natural. A godless people loathe it. That’s why they are far less offended by a man in leather with a whip up his anus getting flogged till be bleeds than by a godly, virtuous husband, spanking his wife because he’s in charge. A secular society loves the fake thing, and not the true. It prefers the perversion of nature, to nature itself. It loves a man-made theater of the truth, but runs from the truth itself. It hates God.

      Christians discipline their wives because it is an excellent tool to lead the home with. They have no need to imitate others, much less the perverse, unbalanced bdsm world. You only make that comment to take a dig at Christians. After all, are all the Atheist materialists who spank their wives trying to imitate bdsm? Are the millions of Hindus who spank their wives trying to imitate bdsm? Are the millions of Muslims who spank their wives trying to imitate bdsm? What about the countless societies for thousands of years in which wife spanking was common? All just trying to get the same thrill as bdsm? That is a joke.

      Men have spanked their wives for thousands of years, in virtually every culture and religion. They do it because they are in charge. They do it because managing a subordinate typically requires discipline. They do it because spanking is an excellent tool of discipline, and can prove itself superior to others on multiple levels. That truth has been with us for thousands of years, long before bdsm existed. Man’s headship in the home is a truth from God, and is written into nature itself. No one needs to imitate a fashionable, often perverse, mockery of headship. We’ve got the real thing instead.

      It rather is bdsm which is trying to soak up some of what God’s law has to offer. They are trying to benefit from the good in headship and submission, often while not really understanding its purpose. They see the power fo the erotic charge, while not really understanding what sexuality is all about. They see the good in being cleansed from guilt, and in being punished, but they simply don’t grasp what the basis for the law really is, or how to deal with true guilt. Bdsm is a pale imitation of the real thing — eternal truths God has given us to live by, even truths which point to how we must be saved eternally. It simply misunderstands, and distorts those things, because it is hiding from God. But they’re close. They really are close. But until God and His law found our lives, and our understanding, we will only have a shattered reflection of the truth.

      An attack on man as the authority in the home, is always an attack on the One the man represents, who is Jesus Christ. An attack on Christ is an attack on God. The husband leads and loves his wife. In doing so, we get a full view of Christ in HIs servanthood, and in His kingship. In His mercy and His justice. We see Christ as priest, and the husband leads the home spiritually as well. We see the sacrifice the man makes for his wife and family, the work and love and life that he pours out for them. A husband should be a constant picture of our King. His love is eternal, and it is not weak.

      No one is denigrated by being led, or by being spanked. That’s a cheap insult. A spanking is simply a chastisement for bad behavior, just as there are countless other chastisements given by other authorities on earth. Imprisonment Fines. Comunity service. Termination from a job. Etc. Spanking is more humane and more respectful than many of them. It deals with a problem effectively, it puts wrongs in the past, and often builds trust and intimacy between husband and wife. It is humbling to be spanked, but it is not denigrating in any way. It is given by a loving authority for the betterment of the one receiving it. It lasts a short time, and when it’s over, the wrong is forgotten.

      It is much MORE denigrating, to have a wife who rebels. To have a wife who screams at or who insults her husband. To have a wife who refuses affection To have a wife who neglects her duties. To have a wife who is worldly, sexualized, or practices the occult. It is abundantly denigrating to have a wife who divorces her husband, leaving the children without an intact home, often with trauma, and endangering their lives for many years. Those things are denigrating, not only to the man, but the human society, and to children. Remember that.

      A man’s headship over his wife helps make sure those denigrating things — some of which are truly deadly — do not happen. He leads his wife, not only over his knee, but daily in a spiritual and ethical manner. He ensures she is walking in virtue, and grows as a woman of God. That is real, loving leadership. How dare a society which thinks it accetpable for a woman to ho around before marriage, be used by man after man for sex, kill her baby, divorce her husband and take his money . . . actually accuse a spanking of being denigrating. That is truly hypocrisy beyond words! It should leave us breathless. The man being in charge is good. And there is nothing wrong with a sound spanking on the behind.

      1. Dear Aron,
        This is my first reply, but your words are so powerful hear and they have truly spoken straight to my heart. As a young, unmarried women I have personally felt the pressure and judgement that so called “evolved, young feminists” subject those of trying to live a Godly life on a daily basis. I am constantly taunted and teased by other women for choosing to remain pure and refusing to partake in bars and seek out “causal, meaningless sexual relationships” outside the beautiful commitment of a Godly marriage. It’s very sad and hurtful that the very same women who claim to seek “judgement free acceptance” of their sinful lives are all to often the most closed minded and judgmental of all women. I’ve never sat in judgement of anyone, as I am not perfect, nor am I Christ, why must they so harshly mock my chosen lifestyle?

        1. Hello Rebecca, I appreciate the character that you show in remaining true to the Lord, and in living a godly life. That is only possible when we put God before this world. For women who have been soaking in a secular mindset and a self-centered lifestyle, it can be truly strange that you live differently, and can also threaten their own sense of truth. You are a living testimony to the Lord before them, and deep inside they know that shines a light on their guilt, and they don’t like that. The light of God will always do that. It can make us very very uncomfortable if we are rejecting Him, or if we are in sin.

          As far as judgment, we are called on by God to judge, as long as we do it in the right way. Evil needs to be judged, and we don’t have to be flawless to do so. I have told friends and acquaintances that are living in sin that this is wrong, and it harms people. I have told druggies the same thing. It is the only loving thing to do, and you just might be the one that helps them see that clearly, or gives them the boldness to leave their sin behind.

          Of course, if they stay in unbelief, they are not saved in the long run, but calling men to repentance comes together with sharing the Gospel, and the salvation that is in Christ. Seek to declare the Gospel in your responses to them.

          Thank you for your faithful witness to our Lord.

  6. hi aron,

    thank you for all your very helpful articles on this site. my husband and i have been practicing domestic discipline since the start of our marriage 2 years ago. I respect and submit to his decision and his commands. However, there are things he does which sometimes make me wonder if he is right, but i often shut out these thoughts because i do not want to question his authority. When i get into trouble which leads into a spanking, he will sometime spend a few minutes delivering a few strokes with his hand on my private areas between my legs, not for any sexual reasons. He does it just so it stings like the blows on my bottom. I mention to him before that it can be quite humiliating to receive strikes on my private areas, to which he said that he is not using much force , but he wants me to be humbled and be reminded of my place as a woman. In some ways i agree with him because whenever he does that, i do feel much more aware of my place as a woman given that those are intimate areas, and i am also a lot more submissive. I am not sure if this is right. But i have already tried to gently bring it up with him. Since he thinks it is reasonable, should i continue to obey him and accept this nature of punishment and discipline he gives?

    1. Hello Tracy, Thank you for writing. I appreciate your concern. It certainly is not an ordinary form of punishment to strike a woman’s sex. I do not practice it nor do I advise it. I believe a spanking lands on the bottom, and it is the most appropriate and safest place to punish. It is fair that you gently voice your concern. However, if this is not very hard, and it’s not causing you any harm, then I would let it be.

      He certainly has his aim in doing so, as you notice in how it deepens your submission and helps you know your place. One big reason not to do such a thing is safety, but he seems to have that covered. I would not worry about it, nor make an issue over it. If it is a part of the discipline he gives you, seek to learn and grow from it, as it seems you already are.

      I hope that provides you some help.

  7. […] having others come in and perform the spanking. I make mention of this in an article on practices I do not advise, but it deserves its own attention, of the naturally negative variety. Spanking is inherently a […]

Leave a Reply