The Spanking Pastor

You sometimes hear stories in the world of wife spanking about the spanking pastor. This is the one who actually teaches couples to use spanking in their marriage to discipline the wife, and who also possibly spanks his own dear wife. Like other stories, I am usually skeptical of the reality of the story. I consider it a likely piece of fiction, playing well upon the traditional church setting, one in which gender roles are still sometimes upheld, and the firm masculine pastor, who tells it like it is, and is involved in the lives of his whole flock. It just brings spanking, and perhaps marital intimacy into the picture. It is wishful thinking as well among those of us who desire marital discipline to be a normal part of our community.

I don’t write to chide the authors of such stories. I actually write to point out how beneficial it would be if more pastors would teach these truths, and advise their brethren to use discipline in marriage. In a past era, I don’t doubt at all that there were some such pastors. They would have had no problem teaching a young couple a simple truth: if the wife does not obey, give her a spanking. She deserves it. Ladies, if you want to stay out of that trouble, learn to be respectful and submissive, and please your husbands. Today, either there are a vanishingly small number, or we just don’t hear about them. Many pastors have taken on a liberal view of the Bible to begin with. Others may have a more traditional approach to marriage, but have been stockholmed into thinking any kind of wife spanking is wrong, putting it into the “beat your wife” category in a knee jerk way. Those who know the truth are out there. Those who practice spanking are out there. But these ministers are simply too afraid to teach it, because the culture would lash back at them a little too hard.

What if the average couple could hear advice regarding discipline from their pastor? Perhaps not from the pulpit, but in personal ministry in their home, and one-on-one counseling. What if it were indeed taught from the pulpit when the topic was appropriate to the purpose of the sermon? The clear teaching would do several things. Firstly, as I believe is necessary, it would let the brethren know that the man’s authority is real, and that discipline is a normal activity. It is not something to hide in the dark, or to envision with pointy horns and a forked tongue. It is a regular practice that millions of homes use, and that can benefit a marriage greatly. If pastors talk about it, couples will talk about it much more. They will consider it much more often, and try out its benefits. The teaching of a godly pastor can be one part in normalizing a wonderful practice which society disdains.

The teaching of the pastor, or other church ministers, will also help provide guidance for a young couple. It could help them see clearly what its purpose is, and also overcome fears and hesitancy they have. It lets the women know with clarity that her husband’s authority is real and commands need to be obeyed. His headship is not the mild and unenforced kind that so many Christians are indoctrinated to accept. It is the same kind that any authority wields, and should be respected highly. The law breaker should rightly fear punishment. It also will help the wife with her own submission. Since his leadership is the authentic kind, her submission needs to be as well. She prepares herself to work on her softness and femininity. She has an expectation of needing to drop her pride and accept her husband’s will and his rule over her. Real preparation can be done when real roles are established. Teaching discipline then, falls right into place in teaching headship and submission.

Our brothers and sisters do not need to be lied to. Nor do they need the truth hidden from them. Rather than hear the softened, and nearly useless kind of headship they are taught, they should be able to see the real authority in marriage and know its use. A new husband might ask:

“But what can I do if my wife will not obey me?”

A responsible pastor would reply (among other things) with:

“You can punish her if you need to. You are the head of your wife.”

The man naturally responds: “How can I punish her?”

A fair reply will be: “Many husbands find it successful to put her over your knee, and spank her good and hard. Do that if you need to.”

It’s really simple, and that kind of forthrightness would help countless marriages. Naturally there will be other questions. Naturally there are other insights into the situation, but here are the words nearly everyone thinks are illegal:

“Give her a good strapping and she will have to learn the lesson.”

The pastor is also commonly a man that both husband and wife will allow to get involved in their lives, and speak with them about a variety of private matters. His input or instructions are more likely to be ones they listen to. They feel free to ask questions. They listen more to him than to their friends, although any Christian ought to take the words of their brothers and sisters seriously as well. It is the words of the pastor they cherish, and feel a certain honor to hear one on one and in private. They can open up to him.

The husband also benefits from a pastor teaching him to discipline his wife. Not only does it let him know his right and responsibility to do so, but it helps establish his leadership more broadly. He will be taught in how to order the home life, in what standards are good ones to set in the home, in what areas wives need most to be kept in line, in what rules generally help the marriage life, in being able to be firm and consistent with his wife. There is a great deal in leading the home besides spanking a woman’s bottom from time to time. Yet the counseling in discipline naturally leads to the instruction in overall leadership, in being the benevolent, and sacrificial Christ-figure of the home. He rules over all, and rules for the good.

The pastor’s wife, who may be a spanked woman herself, can offer unique help to a young woman who will marry soon. She can offer teaching by experience in this area as she does in others. She can both teach by her words and show by her life what the message is. She teaches young women what it takes to learn submission, to attain that quiet of soul a biblical wife has. She teaches to learn humility, and how to accept her husband’s will. She can share experiences of being spanked, if it is the pastor’s way with her. A young wife, even one who greatly desires to be submissive, can naturally have fears, and many questions. The trust the elder wife has learned, she can pass on to this young woman in the flock. There is a trust in the husband to rule, even when he is not perfect. There is a trust in God being over their marriage and in their souls, one which will guide them, when life provides no certainties, and so many things seem they can go wrong. A woman of God is the best person to teach this to a another woman. It is best in a personal, and private way.

Is it appropriate for a pastor to teach husbands to discipline their wives? If it’s true, and it is appropriate for the teaching he is giving, then yes. He can do so. I’m not saying he will, but he certainly can. It would be deceptive to hide a part of marriage under the covers, and a pastor needs to be a man of truth. The spanking of wives may not be a specific command of Scripture, and is not a dogma, but neither is much of what ministers teach elsewhere. Much teaching amounts to good ways of achieving the goals that God wants us to achieve. It amounts to things which HELP us to do God’s will. If a pastor can teach husbands to spend quality time with their wives — which the Bible never says you have to do — then he can also teach husbands to discipline their wives. Both teachings relate to helping marriage, and marriage IS essential and it is godly and it provides our future.

Teaching by ministers has one final benefit — it places teaching on discipline in the context of fulfilling God’s purposes for us. It puts the young husband or wife in the place to see discipline as part of serving the Lord, just as marriage as a whole is. Any responsibility we take on should be bound to God’s Kingdom and never apart from Him. A mere spanking website, or spanking friend do not do this. A minister who is prepared to teach a way of life rooted in Scripture DOES. The man knows this is only a tool in his godly leading of his household. A woman knows it merely facilitates her growth as a gentle helper of her husband, one which witnesses the gentle nature of God’s redeemed people. Spanking is not a fetish. It is not a kink. It can never be taken apart from the plan God has for His people on this earth. The spanking pastor knows this. He is in the right place to teach.


25 responses to “The Spanking Pastor”

  1. I can see how this lifestyle can work for some people. I can totally see myself an my wife in a lifestyle similar. However, when I think of my little girl entering into a lifestyle like what you have described, I cringe. And I can’t rectify that. Meaning, if it would work for me and my wife, why not for my little girl? I can’t answer that.

    1. Hello MJ, Thanks for your comment and for visiting my site. I’m glad you can see how spanking can be of value to a couple. Definitely give it some consideration for your marriage.

      I would agree looking at a child it would be hard to imagine such a relationship. But remember, that person is a child, and it’s hard to imagine a number of OTHER things involved in marriage for them too. Not only that, but spanking a child is acceptable, so it is only a change in form and character between that and spanking an adult.

      I do not have any problem with any of our children entering into a traditional marriage in which spanking is involved, so long as it was used justly and for good purposes. Remember, it might make you personally cringe to think of your daughter growing up to be spanked, but it makes many of us cringe to think of our sons growing up to be disrespected, disobeyed, treated without affection, and with their marriage a complete misery. We would never want that for our sons.

      Those are all things intrinsically evil, and MORE worthy of cringing, than a simple spanking on the bottom. Spanking in fact helps make those terrible things less likely and less frequent. That is why I encourage others to try it. I am very confident in the good it does.

      Take care.

      1. All our daughters were raised to be submissive wives, Jane was a good example for them. We insured that all our daughter’s husband’s were traditional Christians who accepted male headship in the family. Other than when they were disciplined they were trained by Jane. They were well trained in their household duties by Jane, especially cooking and understanding what a budget is. Their future husbands were a little taken aback when I talked to them about domestic discipline but all but one was quicker than I was to correct his wife with strap I gave him when there were behavior issues after they were married

    2. My view may not align with CDD specifically, but with DD in general, so maybe it will help you. The structure of this lifestyle is good for my psyche. It calms my anxiety, it humbles my arrogance and need for control. It makes me feel safe. It is my choice to submit to my husband in this way.

      My husband and I are still partners. He does not want a mindless drone. The respect, faith, trust, and nurturing go both ways. I submit to him because I trust him. I don’t submit to just anyone, I don’t blindly follow every male in my life. And I don’t want my daughter doing that either. I’m not raising an obedient child, I’m raising an assertive adult. I want her to choose a partner that respects her, loves and cherishes her, and has her best interests at heart. Not the first man who comes along.

      If she grows up and wants to do this lifestyle, that’s her choice. It’s one she deserves to make on her own, without us telling her this is the right way to live. We practice Gentle Parenting with her. And that has also taught us both a lot of empathy and respect, and influences how we treat each other.

      1. Hello, Thank you for visiting my website. I’m very glad to hear you are submitting to your husband. I know you both are enjoying the rewards of that beautiful relationship. One of the differences between spanking in any marriage, and similar discipline for Christians, is that we understand submission to be within the nature of marriage, and not simply a lifestyle decision due to one’s preferences. The vertical pillar of authority is good for marriage, and essentially comes with the total package when we say I do.

        No woman needs to obey every male in society. However, it is important to raise daughters to know they will obey their husbands in the future. It should be something they are already versed in, and do not have to struggle with, or reject entirely when they seek to do it. They should also be raised to express their feminine character, including being gentle, discreet, and peaceful at heart. It causes great inner conflict in women to be told to act like men, have the same future as men, but then also to be feminine and submissive. The wife has the incorruptible beauty of the gentle and quiet spirit according to the Bible, and that is a far cry from imitating masculinity.

        In this culture many girls think that being an adult woman comes with things like wearing makeup, being a hottie, and putting out to a “boyfriend.” Yet real femininity for a woman is no such thing. It is a humble heart, inner beauty, modest and feminine appearance, and the wonderful light that comes with having peace with God. It is caring for a man, helping him in marriage and being a mother. It is nurturing young children. The world has greatly twisted femininity and beauty. I hope that your example in the home leads your daughter in richly learning submission.

  2. Great post. I would be very interested in any information about how to discipline a pregnant wife. I want to maintain our DD relationship but obviously do not want to compromise my wife or the child’s safety whether it be through the spanking itself or the difficult emotions that come with it. Thank you.

    1. Thank you, D.W. That’s a common question, and I would invite experienced couples to offer their advice. Some will avoid spanking during pregnancy completely, and others will simply moderate it to make sure it isn’t very harsh. If you do choose to cease spanking during this period, there are other non-spanking forms of discipline you can use. I have spanked my wife a number of times during pregnancy, and have not had any ill results. I do avoid the latest period entirely though. I hope that helps.

    2. Long Time Practitioner Avatar
      Long Time Practitioner

      When I married my 1st wife she was pregnant. We had planned on getting married to begin with so just sped the wedding up as soon as it was confirmed she was pregnant. She was just over 2 months into her pregnancy when we were wed. As in any new situation there was some adjusting to be done on both sides. Emotions and hormones can be overwhelming causing things to get out of hand easily. We had some moments of friction where both of us were at fault. After several repeated episodes of failure to have even the start of a meal being prepared when I came home from work and her knowing the time I would be there I told her she was going to be spanked. The 1st spanking was with the belt from my work pants over my knee and left some good red marks on her bottom. I stood here in the corner with her bare backside exposed and made my own meal. It was a firm spanking but not full strength blows by any means. It got the desired effect and it was a long time before dinner was not ready again. I gave her a couple of other hand spankings for various things up to about the 7th month but they were with a cupped hand making more noise than actual hard impact. I hope you have a good pregnancy and that your home is blessed with the coming of your child.

    3. Jeremy Avatar

      I have now spanked my wife throughout 3 pregnancies (I actually started DD when she was pregnant.) she or the children have had zero problems. I am careful to choose implements that are more ‘stingy’ rather than ‘thudy’ so I have a lightweight paddle and such for pregnancy and a heavier paddle for other times. As far as the emotional aspect the paddlings actually benefit her greatly so that is not a concern at all.

    4. Busy Dad Avatar

      I’ve spanked my wife many times during pregnancy. D.W., as far as safety, be careful during the early stages of pregnancy, especially if it’s your first and you don’t know what kinds of complications to expect. During the latter half of the first trimester, the second, and much of the third, you can essentially spank as hard as you normally would, as far as the physical aspects go, unless you two are concerned about early labor. Closer to the end, it just depends on what she can get in position for and I’ve mostly only delivered a few hand spankings while she’s standing, with my other arm holding her between her belly and breasts.

      Psychologically and emotionally, just be sure you are lecturing and spanking in a way that leaves her feeling more protected, provided for and led. Your usual methods might not work as well if you’d been assuming you were dealing with a certain level of resilience. Also be prepared for her to be eager for sex right after in the middle trimester, depending on how the hormonal changes affect her.

      You two should also be prepared to not do any spanking for a few weeks after birth, although you can return to it much sooner than you can to having sex.

      During periods of abstinence from spanking, having been diligent about your rules and punishments before pregnancy will give your lectures and alternate punishments more effect.

      1. Thank you for your comments Busy Dad. It’s very helpful for those who are unsure about spanking during pregnancy. The risk certainly cannot be exaggerated, or ignored.

  3. Our last Pastor who has recently left to lead another congregation practiced corporal punishment of his wife. We found this out quite by accident. I have no idea where our current pastor stands on this issue. It’s understandable why Christian ministers are not open to their congregations about this practice , though I think a large percentage of Christian ministers do spank their wife when they misbehave. It’s a shame Christian minsters generally can’t be open about this normal Christian practice. . Young couples would certainly benefit from the mentoring that a biblically educated pastor can provide. In addition, a pastor serves as an additional authority figure for the young wife should disharmony occur in the marriage, increasing the likelihood that she will come to understand her proper role in God’s plan and obediently submit to correction when her husband decides it’s needed.

    1. How can I find a congregation to empower the CDD and pastor to guide on this life style?

      1. aronhusband Avatar

        Hello Chris, Very few pastors will openly endorse marital spanking, though it’s possible that in private they may counsel couples to try it. It’s a practice that has been demonized by society, so pastors generally don’t want to deal with the flak. That’s why so many seek learning and seek mentors online. However, there must be a few pastors out there willing to teach in favor of disciplining wives.

  4. My policy was that spanking as a punishment was off the table at the six month point in the pregnancy. This is what I felt comfortable with

  5. Bob, we are not talking about punishment.
    My husband spanked me during the pregnancy. In fact, I asked him to spank me, I told him to continue to spank me.
    The best position for spanking pregnant women is standing, near to her husband.
    I also preferred when he held my pubic area with one hand and spanked me with the other.
    But, you are right: the intensity of the spanking shouldn’t be the same. It is much better to spank your wife longer but not so hard.

  6. Spanking after the six month point was not a practice I felt comfortable with. We were not intimate after the six month point either. My decision

  7. We have decided to attend a different church. This is a smaller congregation. I found this church through an acquaintance who shares my views on discipline. The new pastor does practice what he calls CDD though he is not open about this outside a few people, my acquaintance , myself and someone I don’t know. We spent the last Sunday with the new pastor. His wife is quite young I would guess in her twenties and he looks to be in his mid forties. She is his second wife , he has three children with his first wife and one with his current wife. His first wife had passed away several years ago. We had a pleasant time, Jane seemed to get on well with his wife despite the large age difference. We talked about CDD after the children were in bed and the girls were doing the dishes. It was an interesting conversation.

    1. I truly want to find a church to promote the CDD

      1. Hello Chris, In areas I have lived in the U.S. it would be extremely hard to find any minister openly promoting or defending wife spanking. However, if you speak to pastors personally, it may be you find out they accept it, or even encourage it. There likely are more than a few who understand spanking is useful in marriage, but simply don’t preach it because of the cultural bias against it.

        I have seen a few prominent ministers explain the use of non-spanking discipline in marriage, and even they have to deal with much criticism for doing so. That is the sad state of the Church today. I hope you can find something, and I would love to see churches teaching the use of discipline, especially in their marriage courses. It’s much needed.

  8. Our new minster like the old one when we went to a different church spanks his wife. When the old minister left at the last church we found this new church from a friend of Bob, someone he plays golf with. The new church is smaller than the one we left. We have been over each other’s house for dinner a few times. Bob says I can’t talk about the minister’s wife getting spanked to anyone in the church because some people might be upset. But we do girl talk and she tells me when she gets a spanking She gets spanked a lot, I think she is a little flighty, but she is a very nice person. The minister is very stern, and he is a very big person. But he can be nice too and I think he likes me. His wife calls him sir all the time, I do this most times too , especially when I think I messed up and got on the wrong side of Bob. When Bob gives me an order I always say sir. Bob likes this when we are with other people, he says he enjoys the look on their face. And I want everyone to know I am an obedient wife like my mom was.

  9. In an ideal world Christian pastors would be open about male headship and the need for domestic discipline in the marriage. There would be Christian marriage counseling for couples having marital problems and the need to spank an errant wife would be on the table. Ideally part of the tool kit of every Christian pastor would be a deep understanding of physical correction of wives and his own wife would be an example to the congregation of what a submissive and obedient wife is like. A pastor can hardly counsel a troubled couple if his own house is in disorder. A pastor can consul husbands too timid to institute consequences for bad behavior and husbands who abuse their authority and are unfair or too harsh. A pastor can consul a young wife on her proper place and evaluate if she needs more correction than she is getting or is being treated too harshly. In General no head if hold has the right to criticize another head of house hold use of discipline but this would not be true for a pastor who is a spiritual leader and has a degree of authority. If a husband is not administering sufficient punishment for a particular behavior the pastor can advice and direct the husband on exactly what he needs to do. Pastors ideally would be well versed in the technique of physical correction and the options available to help a new husband who very likely not have any experience in these areas.

    1. I agree. If a minister can counsel in other marriage matters, he can counsel in discipline too. I believe another brother in Christ could do the same, but men listen to pastors more easily most of the time, due to their position. There are men who both are too soft, and too cruel, and another man’s guidance, if it is wise, can greatly help in correcting wives.

      1. Thank you, Aron, for your comment. When you think of it, how anything be called Christian marriage counseling that doesn’t include the use of physical correction of the wife. Our new pastor has told me that he finds it very frustrating when he conducts marriage counseling that he can’t even mention that a wife simply needs a spanking. He also told me there are other cases where the young husband is overly harsh because he doesn’t have the tool of spankings which, by giving back authority to the husband would make him a more responsible leader and likely less harsh. I told him; well, you can start marriage counseling with the small number of families where there is mutual knowledge of the use of CDD. He laughed , he said these aren’t the couples who generally need counseling, He said he is sorely tempted to throw caution to the wind and tell a husband your wife just needs a spanking, But he can’t be open about this , even in a conservative congregation like the one we now attend

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