What Can a Man Do?

I want to answer some of the common questions that men have when they are faced with the possibility of learning to discipline their wives. This might come up because their wives ask them for a spanking, or it might come up because he learned about spanking online and is considering its use. While many people portray wife spanking as simply a man’s idea, it is often the man who is hesitant or very resistant to spank. Often it is the wife who suggests the idea. I find it can take time for a man to grasp the value in spanking or see it clearly. That’s true of my own story as well. I was eager to use it when a woman introduced it to me, it took me years to see its full purpose, and to rightly apply it. Don’t be discouraged if you don’t get it immediately. No one does.

For a man to see spanking clearly for what it is worth can take asking questions, reading on the subject, and digesting the material before he can see both its good and how he could apply it in his marriage. I am confident that most men, given the chance, will at least be open-minded about it, and willing to give it a try. In fact, in the year of running this spanking website, I have learned of several men who brought spanking into their marriage, including those who were initially hesitant. That is encouraging to me, and it should be encouraging to readers who are hopeful about practicing it. It is a concept nearly any man can understand. Let me address what are a few of the most common male questions, and see if I can set things straight.

1–Why should I spank my wife like a child
Your wife is surely not a child, but you will be spanking her as an adult. Adults get spanked as well as children. The spanking of wives has been practiced in numerous cultures across the globe for thousands of years. Corporal punishment has also been used to punish adult criminals, and in some places in the world still is. The Bible requires flogging as a form of punishment for certain crimes, and permits whipping an adult servant or slave. Spankings have been given to adults for millennia, with wife spanking being much milder than what has been used to punish criminals. Those who practice it today would affirm it works well on their adult woman, whom they love and cherish.

That’s not to say the connection with childhood spanking is non-existent. Rather, that connection most of us have towards childhood spanking can help a woman learn from her adult spanking. The situation itself can bring her to a humbler state, like a child, and more greatly experience her man’s fatherly command over her. The vital link is real, and I view it as an aid in the spanking itself. She becomes more soft and vulnerable because she can feel that.

The abundance of rebellious women is real, and is a problem in many marriages. The same is true of passive men, who will not lead clearly and manage their wives. The amount of grief, pain, divorce, and harm to children done by out-of-order marriages is truly incalculable. That alone is more than reason enough to spank your wife, along with your daily care of her. Not only will you be rewarded, but she will too. A peaceful godly home is a reward to all of society. You will see our wife soften, become more beautiful, and respond smoothly to your word. The world will be able to see the difference.

2–Can’t she learn some other way
I don’t think it is impossible for a wife to learn lessons any other way, depending the lesson. I AM convinced that spanking is often the best way for her to learn, in terms of its short-term and long-term effects. In certain instances, spanking may be the ONLY way he learns a lesson. While it’s possible to have another discipline system to lead and correct your wife, as I have written in several articles, I find they are inferior to spanking her. Spanking ends a conflict very quickly. It puts her wrong in the past very quickly. It cleanses her of guilt successfully, often which has been eating away at her. It places her in a spirit of peace regarding her husband, and makes her softer toward him ongoing into the future. In general, it leaves her more fully submissive, and reminds her of her submission in times to come.

As a deterrent for certain activity, it also has effects into the future, warning her of not stepping over that line, or acting on that temptation, when the same situation arises. She will remember the spanking, and the seriousness of the wrong. If you’ve been spanking her hard, that will be an experience he desires to avoid, and she will take active steps to keep herself in line. I’ve seen it work as have many other husbands. Spanking also makes her more manageable to your words, as you can now, as they say, speak softly and carry a big stick. Your words or instruction and correction have more weight with your wife when she is spanked firmly for her wrongs.

Can she learn a few things in other ways? Certainly. A verbal correction can help a wife, if she is humble enough to accept it. Gentler forms of discipline are also used by some husbands, such as taking away the car keys, or having her write lines. I blend gentle correction and spanking together in my own system. However, none of those methods accomplish what consistent spanking accomplishes. It is fast, effective, and works both on her attitude and her behavior into the future, and makes your words carry more weight. That’s why I advise spanking, and use it myself. Some lessons truly are easier to learn when she is spanked hard over your knee.

3–Isn’t it abuse if I lay a finger on my wife
No it is not. The contemporary culture will lay this accusation on men for countless reason,s even beyond spanking. They will accuse a man who has rules for his wife of being abusive, even though he has every right as the authority to have rules. They will accuse a man who speaks firmly to his wife, or sometimes gets angry of being abusive. But speaking firmly is not a sin, and everyone on the planet sometimes gets angry. Having a discipline system is not abuse, any more than the country having a justice system is abuse. It is caring, thoughtful punishment for the good of the wife and of the entire home.

All things considered, spanking is fairly humane when it comes to punishments. Sure it hurts in the moment, but the pain is over quickly, leaving at worst a day or so of soreness. Then the bottom returns to its norm. It also works well and produces results. If we were to lay the accusation of abuse on a punishment, we would have to do it towards a parents spanking their child as well. We could much more accuse other punishments of being harsher, such as prison sentences, or the loss of a job. Ask a lot of employees if they’ rather get a good spanking or lose their job, I can tell you how a lot of them would vote. Spanking is kinder, and has fewer negative consequences than many punishments that society accepts as good. It seems strange then to call it abuse, and not have to all everything else abuse too.

However, due to society’s condemnation of spanking, it is important that you are careful in establishing discipline in your marriage. While I am convinced that the only consent needed for a man to spank his wife is her “I do” in the wedding ceremony, it is safer to introduce the practice and receive consent for it. True, this verbal consent to the relationship would not always stand up in court, but it may, and it is extremely rare that men are punished for spanking their wives in consensual relationships. I would not worry about it if I were you. Just make sure there is clarity and agreement from the start. You are not an abuser. That is name calling. You are a loving husband who leads, corrects, and spanks his wife.

4–I’m afraid of hurting her or making her cry

Truly it will be impossible to discipline your wife — with spanking or even other methods — if you are unwilling to cause some amount of pain or to see her cry. These are things that typically come along with a punishment. That’s true especially of spanking. A spanking done rightly hurts, and most of the time a wife cries when she is being spanked. Sometimes she cries even when she is being lectured.

To get past any hesitancy of causing this, you should see the value that is there in that temporary pain. The value is the effect of the punishment, which will put wrongs right and get her to behave better in the future. The value is in her growth in submission and as a woman, as she learns to be soft to you, and obey you without resistance. Her tears are also something you need to become accustomed to. They are not bad things, but are good for her to experience. They often help a woman communicate her regret, and her sorrow for what she did. They help cleans her of tension, inner resistance, and guilt. Her tears flowing show you’re probably doing a good job.

The pain of a spanking is very short term, as are the tears. However, the hurt of a rebellious wife, and of her bad behavior can cause much more pain far into the future. There is harm caused by a wife’s disrespect, her disobedience, her fighting with her man, her negligence of her work, her bad habits or dangerous behavior, her desire to imitate men in her attitude or lifestyle, and many other wrongs. These are not minor errors, but are harmful or evil things a man should protect his wife from, and turn her away from towards safety. The harm caused by them goes far into the future, effecting a marriage long-term and affecting the children.

Consider it your job to keep her clean of these things, and apply a short-term pain to protect against much greater evils. We go to a doctor for healing, and in some instances he causes us pain to make us better. Yet we know this pain is good, and thank God for the purpose he has ordained it. So too we can see the great treasure and value in discipline, despite the suffering at the time. There is a reason for the ordeal, and it is for the glorious good.

5–It’s hard to find the time to spank, it’s too much trouble

Leading your wife in discipline does take time. However, when done rightly, it will not interfere with other important activities. In  fact, considering the number of men who have time for leisure in their lives, and who sit down in front of a television in the evenings, I think most people only need to cut away some of that fat to purpose a little time to correct their wives. It only requires some minor rearranging.

Naturally, the time it takes to lead a wife is not only in giving the spanking, but will include having oversight of her, setting some standards for her to follower, and letting her know what she needs to do. It includes encouraging her and giving her verbal guidance of all kinds. The spanking itself should not need to be very often, although a new wife, or a prideful one, may need frequent spankings for a few months, or the first year. Even then , I don’t see it being too inconvenient, as a spanking is not that long. It will not take you all evening.

The common spanking I give includes a short lecture, then I spank her over my knee with further verbal instructions for her. The spanking itself takes only a few minutes. After she is spanked, she usually gets some time standing in the corner, then I have a short talk with her about the lesson learned, and we are close for a little while. A longer spanking session would still be under an hour. The shorter ones would be under 30 minutes. Even early in our marriage when I spanked her probably every two weeks, it hardly took over our lives. It is simply an important activity you need to work into your schedule, and with some basic planning anyone can do it.

6–My wife is independent, and would never learn from a spanking
You hear the word “independent” used today in a way that seems to mean rebellious, or simply disobedient to her husband. I don’t think it’s the best word, but we can use it. If your wife is independent in this way, that is a sign that you should start with doing some clear leading, and making sure she is prepared to follow you. Independence comes down both to ideology and personality, and she should know that as your wife she is under your authority, and needs to submit to your will. That is at the core of the issue.  You need to make sure to teach her this, and give her clear instructions on what you expect from her. Ideally, that is something you should have expressed, and she should have accepted before marriage, but many husbands manage to make that change in the marriage itself. Let her know you are the one in charge. You expect her to follow.

Many women who have the independent personality, and who would be viewed by the outside world as bold and assertive, actually come to desire, or at least expect a spanking. Despite their exterior, they love the power of a man, and feel excitement to know he is over her, and also peace to know she is protected by her man. Don’t assume the independent career woman will be against being commanded by you, or being spanked. Often, they are the ones looking for it. Other times, they recognize the problems their personality can bring, and the friction that their ego creates, and long to be rid of it. They learn to accept it when their man takes charge of them, because inside they want to let go of act. They want to drop the loud and proud posturing. Leadership causes a woman more anxiety and danger than a man, which is why the man is more cut out for it, and why so many women feel peace being firmly led by their husband. She experiences more anxiety in aggression and in conflict. She longs to be soft and feminine inside. Don’t be surprised if your independent wife is desiring you to possess her fully, command her what to do, and punish her over your knee when she’s bad. Just remember that it’s about more than a spanking. It’s about your good, loving leadership over her. You treasure her and cherish her, and are also her rock and her strength. You can put her over your knee and give her the spanking she deserves.

An independent woman needs that. Even if it takes her time to let go of some previous attitudes, or her rebellious streak, it will come with time and with your consistent, firm leadership. Take it step by step. She has got to transform. Old habits and attitudes drop off. False conceptions about herself fade away. As the new, submissive heart grows inside her, she has a different vision of her self now. A new beauty will come to her. Often it is the independent woman who needs your strength in her life the most.

7– Is this just a sex game, or something couples do as foreplay.
I can understand why you might get that idea. There is naturally something sexual about a spanking, just as there is naturally something forceful about sex. However, wife spanking is a way to discipline wives, not a way to make love to them. It’s part of a discipline system, in which a man leads, instructs, corrects, and punishes his wife. It ensures that her bad behavior is punished, and she has a deterrent into the future.

Most spanked wives do not look forward to being given a punishment spanking, for the shame of letting their husband down, for the humbling, and the pain of the spanking itself. They frequently cry. Sometimes they try to talk their way out of what’s coming A spanking is something to stay away from. Sex is not. It’s to look forward to.

However, being husband and wife, it is common for sex to follow a spanking, both as a form of reconnecting from the hard experience, or as a way for a wife to sexually serve her husband, and show her submission. The clear link is there between spanking and erotic desire, but they are in different territories.

8–My wife wants me to spank her. But why would anyone WANT to experience pain?
I wouldn’t get hung up on the question of pain. That’s most likely not at the forefront of her mind, or of her interest in being spanked. Most often, the reason a woman requests spanking is because of other facets of it: the need to feel your firm leadership in her life, the need to be corrected from behavior that she knows is very bad for her, the need to be cleansed of the guilt she feels deep down about her rebellious behavior and wrong choices, the opportunity to feel soft and feminine deep in her soul, the powerful intimacy involved in being humbled and spanked. I don’t think the pain is a major attraction for most women, although it might carry a certain sense of excitement or danger with it. The pain is simply one way the spanking gets its job done. It is supposed to hurt and is most effective when it does.

Many women who know they need spanking, or who privately yearn for it, still experience some fear of the pain itself, and do not look forward to experiencing it. A pro-spanking lady might even need some coaxing to get over your knee. She may reach back to instinctively stop the blows. The spanking is not easy to experience. Pain is attractive to very few people. Your wife simply understands all the other benefits that come with her discipline, and she wants them in your lives. To get them, she has to accept the pain.