The Use of Restraints

The field of wife spanking comes with some common rituals that occur in the large majority of households. When it comes time for a punishment, it is typical for the wife to place herself over her husband’s lap (after undressing of course), or to bend herself over the bed, or a sofa. She remains in position as she is spanked, often hard, and any squirming during discipline is corrected by her husband. If she reaches back to block a swat, she’s usually punished for it. She has to stay in position while she is given her spanking. This is the norm. However, you will hear that a few couples use restraints to hold the wife in place. This may be due to her fear of being spanked, or some innate excitement in being restrained, held down by her husband. I am sometimes asked if I think tying a wife down to be spanked is a good idea. This is my point of view on tying a lady.

I do not think using restraints is wrong. I don’t tell couples not to do this. However, I encourage the opposite. I believe a wife should place herself into her position, and remain willingly there while she is chastised. The use of restrains, such as rope, scarf, or handcuffs, is more associated with the bdsm world. It is naturally more associated with greater levels of control by the man, and also with heavier punishments, though not always. In bdsm binding is nearly universal. In wife spanking it represents a minority. I find it opens the door to the more severe and medieval bdsm world, so it is better to stay clearly in spanking territory, if you will. It only gets heavier from there, into a world that includes literally chains and prisons, as well as punishments that could be included in a third world interrogation session. A spanking simply involves getting bent over and paddled on your bare bottom. I would leave the ropes to someone else.

One major reason to refrain from using ropes — and I do understand the excitement associated with them — is that a submissive wife, one who has accepted her need to be corrected, should be able to place herself in position without any help. That willingness to do so not only comes along with her submissive character, but it reflects her acceptance of the punishment, and her willingness to be corrected. A woman who is tied up can pretend to fight the punishment, by fighting against the restrains, even if she knows she cannot move. A wife who has no restrains must with every moment, and with each stroke that comes down on her bottom, practice acceptance. With acceptance of the punishment, is acceptance of what it is teaching her. It may be true, some women will still squirm a bit out of fear or out of pain. Others might reach back on occasion. However, this is very minor compared to the need to be held down physically throughout the entire session, and reaching back, along with any heavy resistance, can almost always be trained out of her by her husband. She learns to undress, get in position, and keep herself in position while he applies fire to her backside. She moves out of position only when he tells her it is time. Which one is more submissive? Which one is more accepting of her chastisement? The lady who is tied down, or the one who holds herself in position, knowing fully what is coming?

While years ago I used to use restraints with women I disciplined, I no longer do. The handcuffs I used for years for discipline or for sex are long gone. I have never used restraints with my wife. I will use a homemade gag to keep her quiet out of necessity, but that’s about it. Occasionally I have had to hold her firm as she wriggled under the blows of a spanking. But even that was very short term. Once or twice I’ve needed to grab her wrist and keep her from reaching back. That’s about it. Otherwise, my wife knows to place herself as I instruct her, and she knows to remain in position, even during the longer and harder ordeals. She can have stripes on her bottom and be in tears, but she will not move out of her spanking position. It reflects her admirable self-control and submission.

That is what I believe a wife needs to learn, and I find it superior to being tied down. A wife who is restrained does enjoy a certain greater sense of her man’s power over her body. True. She may also like the release in being able to pull with her arms and find herself helpless. That helplessness is thrilling, and at times sexual. There is a great thrill as, perhaps blindfolded, her mind doesn’t know whether to mutter “oh yes,” or “oh no,” and over and over she cries both. Yet these elements are of lesser purpose to her learning to physically submit to the discipline herself. That naturally comes along with learning to submit mentally, to the spanking and to her husband’s authority. She is learning to accept his correction — body and soul. It brings her more fully under his command, and more so than a set of ropes would do.  A rope restrains her. Self-control trains her.

Consider that difference if you think you need restrains to practice spanking. You don’t need them. I understand there are some women who have a terrible time holding still. They may have more of a fear reaction to the strokes, and think they’ll be unable to hold still. However, I think you’ll find almost any woman can learn to be still, with trust in her husband as well as some amount of training and practice. Just like following him in marriage, it reflects trust, and an acceptance that he is in the lead and will take care of the matter well. Give yourself over to him. If you’ve been spanked before it shouldn’t be that scary for you.

Husbands who find their wives have trouble holding still should use their instruction, and their correction, to help them learn. Offer your wives encouragement and support in staying in position. Teach them it is unacceptable to move out of position. Wives can learn with some extra strokes that it is worse to move, than it is to stay still. It just brings them further trouble. You’ll find over time that holding still during a spanking is possible, and it instills deep submission. When she bends over of her own accord, she is saying I accept your correction, I trust you, I am ready to learn my lesson.


36 responses to “The Use of Restraints”

  1. […] the safe word sounds attractive. Add to this that most in bdsm have the recipient of a whipping strapped down, and unable to move, and the safe word becomes the only way our from what may be or become a […]

  2. Staying in position during a spanking is extremely important for both safety and submissive reasons. When I first started spanking my wife, I experienced some of this behaviour. The most common was to use her hands to block her behind. I would stop the spanking immediately, lecture her about behaving properly during a punishment, make her stand in the corner for about 15 minutes and then start the spanking again right from square one. Not only would she spend extra time in the corner, but she would also receive extra strokes from whatever implement I was using on her. She got the message and today she lies very still when I spank her. I do not believe in restraints because of the reasons given in this article.

    1. Thanks for relating your experience Mark. That method definitely works very well, and others should take note.

  3. Busy Dad Avatar
    Busy Dad

    Well said. Restraints have other problems. When the husband is tempted to rely on restraints to get the submission he wants, it can mean that he is afraid to tell his wife how hard the spanking is going to be, so he wants to be sneaky and try it when she can’t resist as easily. Have the hard conversations first so she’s taught what’s expected of her during a spanking and why it’s happening. Then, she’ll submit to it with respect and appreciation and no need to hold her down.

    If the husband can’t secure his wife with his arm during those brief challenging parts of the spanking, he should, seriously, work out more. A husband’s physical weakness for no good reason makes submission harder for his wife. This is similar to how a husband should be able to deliver an effective hand spanking even if he mostly uses implements.

    1. Thank you. That’s true, a woman will respect her husband’s strength when she experiences it. That’s not only physical strength, but strength of will as well.

  4. nicolelinn45 Avatar

    Thanks Aronhusband for another good article

    I have never been restrained during discipline, other than by my husbands physical strength while over his knee. Sometimes he will lock my legs down with his (which signals me that this is going to be a burner). He will hold my right hand behind my back sometimes. I have thought about restraints and I think you may be right, it is more about the excitement of losing all control to my husband.

    I am required to remain in position which includes holding my butt high and legs spread which he knows is very humbling position for me. He is not a tyrant and knows that I will squirm and occasionally will reach back to grab my throbbing butt. He will give me a warning and if I continue to disobey that instruction I will get a harder swat/swats and popped on the thigh. That is enough to get my mind back into submission and acceptance of my husbands punishment for me. Not perfect but much better than when we were first started spanking.

    I think for me and maybe other women that submission and remaining in position during a spanking starts in my heart. I know I have done wrong and I know my husband has the authority to correct that behavior and I want him to correct it. I already know that I do not have a say as to what he chooses to use on my butt, how long or how hard. I also know he may choose anal discipline as well and again I must remain still in position with my butt high and legs spread. If not I will get more swats on my already spanked butt.

    The best way for me to remain in position is experience. Being disciplined by my husband many times and always, always coming out on the other side not hurt, not harmed, and very peaceful and a loving wife. Just knowing that my husband is looking at my butt while he is punishing it, he knows what is happening back there and he will not harm me. I completely trust him to punish me appropriately. That has been the greatest help for me to be able to remain in position during discipline.


    1. Thank you for the description. It’s good to hear about your experience, as well as the specifics of how your husband manages you during discipline. Yes, experience can be a big help for a woman in bearing a spanking well.

  5. Long Time Practitioner Avatar
    Long Time Practitioner

    My 1st wife was restrained for spankings with the strap. I still have eyebolts in the corners of the bed frame if needed. Most of my 1st wife’s spankings were with my hand over my knee. She had a large round bottom that got red quickly so the hand worked well. I always made her look at her red bottom in the mirror to remind her of what to expect. If she was given the strap she was left restrained so she could not rub with a soap suppository as an extra reminder. Strap spankings were very rare for her and took most of a day to accomplish with the added items so they were done on a day that I was not working. I would talk to her the entire time to get her to the next level. After she was released from her restraints she was cleaned up and comforted. I would spank her in the late morning so that the rest of the day into the night was for restoring her and enjoying her freshly renewed sense of being mine fully.

    My current wife has been restrained fully once and given the strap spanking of her life… Her bottom glowed for a couple of days after but it was for her acting up in the presence of others with very rebellious tones. I will on occasion tie her hands to keep her stretched over the edge of the bed with her feet on the floor. This is for when she gets spanked with a fresh switch that I make her cut. She has to cut a selection of them and bring them for my approval. If none meet my liking then she gets the PEX cane. Only once have her selections failed my expectations…

  6. Sophia Avatar

    Aron, you never fail to give faithful couples excellent advice. I agree that restraints are unnecessary in marital discipline and perhaps contrary to the purpose. If a woman must be tied down, she hasn’t fully surrendered her heart to her husband’s authority. For her punishment to be effective, she must be open to learning from her man, trusting that his loving leadership will guide their marriage in the right direction. A man should be able to expect that the woman who pledged to obey him will bend over on command. If she has trouble staying still, well, his discipline can help with that, too. Lovingly, though perhaps fearfully, offering her flesh for refinement is the first step in changing her soul for the better. Fighting against restraints is rebellion, not submission.

    1. You understand very well what a woman needs to do. Thank you, Sophia. A woman can show her true submission through receiving the spanking well, and learning from the lesson.

  7. Sergeant Avatar

    To me honestly, all restraints beyond one’s own hands are unnecessary. At least in my opinion if your wife is not cooperating you take her by wrists, carefully not to harm her, and put her in place to do what has to be done.

    Maybe in my case it’s easier because my wife is small girl as I am much bigger than her but if there’s need to use restraints, there is the need for a clarifying conversation on what is is expected of her and the reasons of punishment. Women are somehow like children they need clarity to understand they need specific words and clear orders, otherwise they confuse themselves.

  8. My Husband says a wife has to be able to submit immediately when warned about receiving punishment.
    a wife-in-training may need restraint for security reasons.
    I was trained to maintain position and silence during spankings.
    I used to put my hand over my buttocks by instinct, but my husband says that this attitude can be very dangerous.
    my husband says a wife must be able to contain her instincts.
    when i put my hands, i get extra hits on my palms

  9. My husband says I’m at My best when I am naked on my knees with his dick down my throat and my bright red butt shinning from paddling I received and i am in total submission.

    1. That is a great expression of submission. It certainly is satisfying for a man to know his wife has been corrected, and she is sexually submissive to him. A man naturally enjoys it when he sets his wife straight.

  10. Hubby built straps into my changing table just in case he wanted to use them at some point.

    Only used a few times for spanking when I just couldn’t keep still… sometimes it’s used for a time out, basically a different similar corner time. One time I needed to get injections and that came in handy because I’m super scared of shots can never stay still!

    1. nicolelinn45 Avatar

      Haily. What is a changing table? And what injections do you get?

      1. Diaper changing table.

        It was b12 and another one I needed once a week for a few months. Lol hubby had to strap me down so I wouldn’t jump around lol I’m the worst at shots

    2. So you’re into baby girl and Daddy play?

  11. I think being restrained would be awfully scary. I don’t like getting spanked, but when I do get spanked, I know I deserve it and I pray to the Lord to see me through the punishment. With the Lord beside me, I can get through anything, making the restraints completely unnecessary! I would highly recommend to all wives that if you are so active during a spanking that your husband is restraining you, to turn to God instead! He will calm your heart give you the peace to accept your punishment.

    1. That’s very good advice for the women. Thank you Valerie.

    2. Donald Reid Avatar
      Donald Reid

      Submitting to the punishment is important. When we decide my wife needs to be punished, I tell her to get ready for her spanking. This means she puts her night gown on and wait. Makes it easy for me. All I have to do is pull up her gown. I first warm her buns with my hand with her underpants up. She wears full cut underpants so it gives her protection. I spank her hard, slow, and when I see her buns turn red, it’s time for her to stand up, take off her underpants and bend over the back of the kitchen chair. Lol she hates it. She gets embarrassed even still. I spank her hard. I don’t let up until she is a hysterical crying mess. I can hold her down fairly easy. I would never tie her down.

  12. iamhissubmissive60 Avatar

    Thank you Nicole, that was thoughtfully and beautifully written. I could take some lessons from you on being still during my spankings. Spankings hurt really bad and I generally try blocking the swats to protect my already burning bottom. We are new to CDD so I.have alot to learn it looks like.

  13. TxCoGrl83 Avatar

    I am required to stay still during and it is not easy, but over time I have learned how to. It’s taken a long time of being punished harder, or extra in response to me not being still, I used to struggle not to lift my legs up to kinda block my butt with my feet… or like fight against him when he is holding my waist, or if I was over the bed I sometimes would turn back over or stand up. That was at the beginning. Through many many corrections of harder spanks, stopping and waiting and then adding on iwas basically trained to obey when it was time. It must be a choice to go over his knee or the bed immediately when he says to. Then it’s a choice to recieve your punishment without all of those things. Even though I’m so much better, I have to say nobody can be perfect. Sometimes a hand goes back, legs kick, you try to turn over or whatever when it’s an extra hard one. My husband typically gives me a chance which I really Quickly must obey before he steps in. Everyone w has their own way, but I do Agree with Aaron that if a wife really wants to live this life she will truly try. Nothing is easy about, submitting, obeying, talking out loud in a respectful way about your mistakes, or topics that have caused a disagreement (which isn’t really a part of this life), having to say out loud what you did while you are looking at your husband in the eye while you or he is holding whatever is gonna be used in mere moments is very intimidating. I trust my husband more than any human on this planet, but in that moment when he uses that stern voice I am Scared! All wives are at this very moment because obviously we know we are about to have to stay still and not move while we are experiencing pretty hard core pain, and talking through it at the same time!

    I do Believe no restraints are best because this is a choice from us and we must be able to learn how to go through with it. We know this life is special and has created many blesssings in our marriage…


  14. leoni97 Avatar

    Every time I blocked during discipline, my husband would grab hold of the offending hand and give my palm a few very hard swats with a wooden spoon , and then strap me harder for a while. I have learned not to reach back now when I am being corrected by my HOH.

    1. Thanks for your comment. You describe a very good way to take care of the problem.

  15. When I hold my wife in place to accept the spanking she has earned it shows her my physical strength. She loves that strength because she knows i will protect her from anything that would want to hurt her. That strength gives her comfort most of the time. When I hold her in place and spank her bare bottom very hard, that strength is used to correct her. Nothing more special than when she stops all resistance and just accepts that I will punish her as long as I think she needs it. I have never used restraints and find her resistance pretty low now. She knows she has earned a spanking and that she is getting it no matter what. Seems like there is a special intimacy when she is over my knee and resigned to the fact this is going to happen. The connection when I hold her after is co very strong

    1. I love that your wife feels safe as a Wife and woman should. Where are the days when Men bit only ruled the Household but protected and stood up for their wives because they were the ones going to battle everyday. The Male protects his precious wife and children. It’s not right or fair for A wife to be the Protector and bread winner instead of her Husband who relys on her for everything. Discipline is part of His love, moulding and shaping us Wives but also showing us their upmost concern and love. My HoH spanks me because he loves and cherishes me as his Woman and Wife.

  16. Honestly, I have always been intrigued with being restrained during sex. (We haven’t ever done it.) But that means, for me, that it does not have a place in CDD. I need to be humbled and just submitted to staying in place. Spanking, for us, it’s erotic. It’s discipline. Even if he does get turned on by the process, it’s not the point. The point is to achieve a change in attitude and behavior.

    1. Thanks for your comment. Yes, a lot of couples find restraints intriguing, as well as sexually attractive. However, I find using them is contrary to the point of discipline, and of submission, so I avoid them.

      1. We’ve used handcuffs for fun. Master A and I have funishment and punishment spanking sessions obviously not at the same time or same week but they happen and never coincide. I know to keep my hands out front stretched when im over his knee and behind my back when I’m arched on the bed, a pillow supporting my stomach as my bottom sticks out.

  17. mala (wiola) Avatar
    mala (wiola)

    I find it hard to take a spanking. I constantly cover myself with my arm and legs. I run off my knees and out of bed. But I’m afraid of binding. My husband works physically in a coal mine. He extracts coal with his hands and heavy equipment. He has a lot of strength in his hands. I’m afraid of his strength and always defend myself when spanked. I am very fragile again and have a low pain threshold. I can’t take the spanking. I have to brake my Husband and protect myself. I know he looks at my buttocks and is very careful. it won’t hurt me or make any permanent marks. But I’m afraid anyway and I always scream for him to hit weaker and slower. My husband is very upset by this. He would like to tie me up, but I disagree. I need some control.

    1. Hello Wiola, If you really cannot control yourself during a spanking, it makes sense for your husband to use restraints, especially if you are reaching back to block. That can be dangerous. Whether to use them or not is his decision, but perhaps he has not taken his authority that seriously yet.

  18. Cynthia Avatar

    I have never been spanked. I want my hubby to do it. I want to see what it feels like and in researching this odd need, I came across this website.

    I have never known of any people who do this and are Christian. I am struggling to understand your religion and spanking, discipline. Your open discussion seems closer to BDSM than religion.

    I was also taught that oral sex is of the devil. My hubby was taught that too. But I wanted to try it. I love it. I think he struggles with it and the programming we attained in our youth about it. I love the feeling of kneeling before him. I try to get him to just go at it, but he doesn’t like my gagging and feels like he is hurting me. I tell him to just keep going. I’ll get use to it. He doesn’t and I feel disappointed.

    Anyway, I came searching for answers as to why I want to be disciplined and spanked? Why I have a need to submit to him? Why I want him to take greater control of me? I’ve been taught to be a strong woman, but honestly, I feel too masculine. I want to feel more feminine and I want my hubby to lead more strongly. At least try it. How do I get him to want that?

    1. Hello Cynthia, Thank you for writing. It’s very good to meet you. The recognition of male headship is a universal norm, and not a unique religious doctrine of Christianity, although it is also taught clearly in the Bible. The value of spanking in marriage has been recognized by cultures and religions across the globe, and is not unique to Christians either. You desire to be spanked because it is natural in your femininity. God gave you that femininity, and He also gave you the role as being submissive in marriage, and caring for home and children. Your natural design, body and soul, fit together with your assigned roles. It’s not a strange desire at all.

      Independence and acting manly simply does not fit with womanhood. We are designed quite differently. Softness and gentleness is more fitting for a woman. Protection, and a set of strong arms are fulfilling to her. The home is more her setting than the high pressured career world or the battlefield. She’s simply not a man. Even in church, the women are to be submissive, and it is the men who provide the Bible teaching, lead the congregation, and offer Communion. The woman is designed by God to be a Helper. That is a wonderful role, and no matter how many times the secular world belittles and ridicules women who are helpers, it is a wonderful, satisfying, and precious role which is planned by God. We need our feminine women.

      The fulfillment you feel in giving your husband oral pleasure is also tied in with your femininity. You fulfill yourself in serving him physically, in being open to him, in manifesting your submission by being on your knees, by working to satisfy him until he is pleased. You get to feel his power while you are soft and serving him. A feminine nature desires those things. It’s built into you.

      While there’s obvious overlap, wife spanking is not the same as bdsm. Bdsm is largely secular, includes role reversal, homosexual relationships, extremes of pain and mutilation, and over focus on domineering and sex. Spanking your wife is simply a useful tool in a marriage to help establish and keep order in the home. That’s all. It’s just a tool. It’s not a religious dogma, or truly central to marriage.

      I don’t know what approach you have taken yet with your husband, but I have seen a number of couples so far introduce spanking successfully to their marriages. This is sometimes initiated by the woman, who overcomes the awkwardness of it, and starts the discussion about her need for being spanked. If you haven’t already, plan a time to sit down and discuss it with him. Let him know how you think spanking will help you, as well as help the marriage. Know that it also helps a man, in aiding him to lead the home and lead his wife. It ensures his authority by placing consequences on a wife who disobeys him. There’s a lot to be said for spanking simply in terms of how it facilitates leadership. You can also leave him with some good material to read. Sometimes it’s better for a man to get it from reading, and from other men, than to hear his wife tell him what he ought to do. It’s really not her place to begin with to make anything more than suggestions.

      Most important is that he needs to realize what lies behind spanking his wife — his natural authority in the home, and your submission to him, and that this order is for the good of the household. He should clearly see his leadership, and then apply that leadership to the home, including in managing your behavior. Recognizing his authority may take time, as men have been programmed by this culture just as women have. But men can overcome that programming, and embrace real authority, which God has given all men, and which is literally in their souls. He will likewise find it fulfilling. I have seen it happen.

      If you have not seen them already, here are a few of my articles that touch on these topics:

      Feel like a natural woman:

      Wife spanking or bdsm:

      Asking your man to spank you:

      How spanking makes men better leaders:

      What can a man do:

      It’s not easy to see the vista of Christian truth from a minor point and discussion such as this. Christian faith rests on God’s revealed Word in the Bible, and Christ’s perfect work for us. All mankind are sinners, rightly judged, and in need of redemption. Christ died to make us free from sin, and bring us eternal life with Him. The Savior brings us peace with God through His sacrifice, and makes us holy before Him. He is manifest on this earth through His Church, who bring goodness, justice, peace, and the Gospel across all the nations of the earth. All authority in heaven and on earth is His.

      Please read the Gospel right here:

      I hope that offers you some insight, and help in your situation. Feel free also to write me at my email if you’d like to discuss things further. I’d be happy to speak with your husband as well.


      P.S. Some of the comments do delve into bdsm, as I do not prohibit that crowd from commenting. You will see a minor portion of that reflected among readers here. However, my articles and my own comments are from within the realm of wife spanking.

  19. I agree that restraints are more of a BDSM thing. We also choose to only practice traditional wife spanking where a woman accepts and embraces that she is a spanked wife in a spanking marriage.

    When we started, a big part of my training was staying in position in between strokes. He increased the intensity of my spankings slowly so that I could maintain proper form while he challenged my pain threshold. He explained how, much like weightlifting, form is as important as weight as reps. In this way, I also understood why he required me to be fully nude while he disciplined me, even when I was brand new to being spanked.

    I don’t feel “proud” after I receive a severe punishment while managing to stay in position. But it is something I focus my attention on during the spanking to get through the pain. And my husband will praise me for it during or after the spanking when he can tell I’m truly struggling.

    So my husband has never restrained me. However on the rare occasion that I am spanked in our garage, there is a hook in the ceiling that used to hold his punching bag and my husband will hang a chain or a rope for me to grasp with both hands and lean forward putting some of my weight on it while I am spanked standing up. We considered getting a set of leather bracelet handcuff style things the BDSM people use because I get tired holding the chain with my arms up for the whole spanking. But we agreed that it’s more important for me to continue to submit throughout the spanking than to make my garage spankings more comfortable. In fact, the arm workout is part of the punishment.

    1. aronhusband Avatar

      Yes, staying in position can be a very important part of the discipline itself. It is engaging for the woman, and can focus the mind on something besides the pain. I know it takes some self discipline to make it through punishments like that.

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