I have a healthy respect for the variety that exists in marital discipline. However, I want to warn about one aberrant practice that you find in some spanking homes. This is the use of onlookers during a spanking, or even of having others come in and perform the spanking. I make mention of this in an article on practices I do not advise, but it deserves its own attention, of the naturally negative variety. Spanking is inherently a private matter between husband and wife, and no one else should be brought in.
Before I go on, I want to mention that I firmly believe a good percentage of the comments online about having a partner come to spank a wife, are pure fantasy. They play into the overall humbling that comes with a spanking, and seek to artificially heighten that sense of humbling. They also play into the voyeurism of having an audience, along with the nudity involved, making the act a spectacle, and bringing lewdness into the setting. It seems to be nearly the same sensation that gets people into swinging. I believe some of these stories are told merely to excite the reader, or even to intentionally make spanking look bad by adding intentionally edgy stuff. The number who REALLY do public spankings in reality, I believe to be few.
I see two main reasons to warn against this practice as harmful. The first is that spanking is naturally sexually charged. The male and female give and take, the hardness and softness between the partners, excites nearly anyone. It carries with it a sexual energy. The nudity involved in most spankings also adds sexual content to the discipline itself. Sexualized parts of the body are on display, including a woman’s sex. Nearly any man would say he finds a woman being spanked exciting, and women are not blind to that element as well. Since the sexual interaction is only rightly between a husband and wife, no one else should be viewing the spanking, much less participating in it, by spanking the wife herself. That violates the bond between man and wife, which by its nature is exclusive. A woman’s body is private for her husband to see and touch.
While the sexual intimacy is the strongest factor, emotional intimacy and trust are also important elements that exist between man and wife, and simply cannot be replicated by less intimate relationships. Discipline requires deep closeness and deep trust. Other relationships, be they close friendships, acquaintances, or less intimate family bonds, cannot bear the weight of that required closeness. Marriage is practically built for it, and any marriage will require it. If you think about it, I think you will find nearly all of your relationships stop at a certain level of emotional closeness, and there are limits to physical closeness as well. That is why marriage, being the union of two into one flesh for life, provides a much solider ground for spanking, just as it is the right ground for sexual closeness.
The other main reason to stay away from bringing others into the discipline session, is that having spectators wrongly heightens the humbling that comes with being punished. She is now being humbled before people she knows far less well, or trusts not nearly as much. She is humbled before people whose love and good intentions are not known to her, and may not be present at all. Having to be naked and spanked to tears publicly is far more likely to make her feel unloved and put down than a simple spanking by her loving husband. It can also greatly harm those relationships. It may be difficult to maintain a friendship with someone whom you know has seen you shamed and corrected. It can be hard to return to the necessary limits such relationships naturally contain. You even hear people tell stories of having children see or perform such a spanking, and it is hard to imagine that would not harm their ability to view their mother as their mother, and honor her rightly. She is their authority under their father. She should not be humbled severely before them. It nearly turns the parent-child relationship upside down, and exposes them to things they may also be too young to see.
A man who has spectators while he spanks his wife is denigrating her, and using her like a prostitute. He is taking the unique and special closeness that exists in marriage, and making it a common thing, for all to see. It hints of being swingers as well. That smears the woman, and it also smears the goodness of marriage in general. It makes him look like he’s in it for the thrill of public spectacle, and of a power that doesn’t belong to him, and not for the correction itself. It will also naturally harm his wife’s relationship with others, perhaps for many years. Public spanking does not fit into his role as loving protector, nor does it fit into ordinary discipline, whose goal is simply to correct bad behavior and teach submission. It is irresponsible, and motivated by wrong intentions. The closeness that God gives to marriage is unique for marriage. It belongs to no one else.
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